<&>Wellington Corpus of Spoken New Zealand English Version One <&>Copyright 1998 School of Linguistics & Applied Language Studies <&>Victoria University of Wellington <&>side two <&>0:04 and um we're two members of um eleven women who make up the entire collective of te whare rokiroki maori women's refuge we range from um tut twenty three years of age up to our late er fifties and we come from very diverse backgrounds and we all have a passion and dedication to um wahine and tamariki protecting them keeping them as safe as we possibly can and er meeting a need for um clears throat um work of family violence prevention within the maori community mm the history behind women's refuge swallows well te whare rokiroki first opened his <.>door its doors as a refuge in nineteen eighty nine however we got our house in nineteen eighty six and it took us three years to renovate our house um we operate a normal er beautifully warm <&>1:00 and um homely three bedroom house that um sleeps up to sixteen bodies maximum or legally that's how many bodies we're able to have in the whare but of course we have um extra mattresses and a big huge living room that's available er <.>w for use when we have an overflow of women um clears throat yes we opened our doors in nineteen eighty nine and er we've been providing a safe house um an advocacy community advocacy <.>su <.>f support service for women and children who perhaps don't need to come into our whare but would like some <.>w women to come and talk with them somebody to come and talk to them about some of the options that may be available to them and help them get through their crisis we run education clears throat <.>pro training programmes for anybody and any organisations that are interested in learning more about um <,> family violence and learning how to deal with it and how to prevent it how to intervene with it <.>w so we'll talk to anybody and everybody who's interested in hearing about family violence <&>2:00 now what's the state of um family and domestic violence in new zealand oh that's a hard question cos i'm pretty <.>z er locally focused i'm focused on on family violence and what happens here in wellington um clears throat but what we what we do what we can say is that there certainly is an increase of intolerance and unacceptance of issues of anything to do with family violence of violence period so er more people are talking about it more people are seeking the help of refuge are ringing us up and just wanting to clarify some things on the telephone inhales um neighbours are becoming really really intolerant and are <.>s are quickly making phone calls to the police the police are noticing you'll um um observe some of their statistical information which tells us that every year they're receiving an increase of um oh there's an increase of their need to attend domestic cases tut tut so i <&>3:00 would <.>s personally i would say that it's that it's certainly out and in the open and being talked about largely and can give us the sense that <.>there that it is on the increase that it's far more huger than what it was say ten years ago um <.>ma but then i think that it would cost us thousands and thousands of dollars to get a real accurate sort of recording of of the extent of family violence we would need to look at police intervention refuge intervention court intervention we'd need to look at the hospitals um clears throat how many women are seeking um medical attention for injuries that they've sustained perhaps two months ago ten years prior um um children we need to look at children and see what sort of um clears throat why are some of the reasons for why they're failing in school is stuff going on for them at home um and i think it's a never ending <{><[>task we could spend thousands of dollars trying to monitor what the state of family violence is when personally as a worker <&>4:00 in this crisis intervention area what we want is more funding more funding to er be directed directly to us so that we can carry on meeting the needs <[>coughs now the film once were warriors it obviously voc did it have an impact on the on the kind of um the kind of profile that that women's refuge er have tut yes it certainly did have an impact in that in that um we are um applauding the availability of the messages that are coming through i mean voc in terms of er portraying just a small sample of what happens to perhaps a small percentage of women that come through refuge not every woman er <.>r receives the extent of violence that that beth heke did um in <.>w in once were warriors <{><[>and clears throat er so yes in answer to that question we're we're really rapt with once were warriors and and the messages that it was conveying about about the um the experiences of a battered woman and <&>5:00 about the spirit of a battered woman and her ideals and um the realities of tamariki <[>coughs so what have been some of the comments from um the women about this the film once were warriors yes <.>we've we've been fortunate enough to have some of the women who've been in our whare at the time who went and saw the movie and some of the things that they talked about was that um um they did have er dungy friends like um like the woman who came in and said is that a result of one hell of an orgasm or what you know the day after beth had got a hiding and er we had a bit of a giggle about that and they said yes we do have friends who say silly things like that like girl if you'd just shut your mouth and um put up with it if you just if you know if you didn't open your mouth then you wouldn't've got that hiding um clears throat some of the women talked about yes getting beatings as bad as that other women talked about not <.>being about being fortunate that they <.>di they weren't beaten like that um and certainly all of us as maoris could relate to the lifestyle of the heke whanau mm <&>6:00 mm now is there a a lot of support for er maori women who are going through that kind of situation tut um clears throat that was another thing that <.>w that some of the women talked about was um the ending of the movie with beth when beth went <.>w her her um her her choice was to go back to her whanau and er what we know in refuge is that the women come to te whare rokiroki <.>come seek out refuge because their whanau aren't able to be um nonjudgemental aren't able to be supportive in the way that they want them to be supportive the last thing that often a battered woman wants to hear is yeah your old man is a egg and you should've left him bloody well ages ago and i'll do him over sis and and er and perhaps some of us do tend to think that yes violence is is is best met with violence for <.>someti for sometime on some occasions but um and a lot of the women clears throat er have <.>ha <.>who've seek the services of refuge have had that experience where their whanau have been quite antagonistic towards them um have been really really aggressive towards <&>7:00 their partner have been quite dismissive towards their husband and don't want to have anything to do with both of them have the attitude that you made your bed so you lie in it girl or girl i put up with this for fifty years you can do the same thing too well there isn't <.>i you know so in terms of there being a lot of support it's HARD for a lot of battered women to get support from their whanau and so their other only other option is refuge um tut one of the things that we <.>w are pleased about in the developments of our work is that er dealing with family violence isn't just about going to women's refuge that the police are far more on board and proactive and responding to victims and are making <.>arrests um that judges and courts are are um voc are tending to find out more information and and are wanting to know more information about the background of this relationship um clears throat when women are seeking for legal protection orders that sort of information is being er consistently sought by judges so the response to um battered women is <&>8:00 reaching a bit further beyond women's refuge we do need to do a lot of work on our attitude though as people right across the board not just maori people or people in general about um how we perceive women to be in this world how we perceive men to be in this world um what do we think is a good relationship just exactly what is a good relationship and er where do we go to find those sorts of answers um what <.>wh how best are we meeting the needs of the beth hekes of this world you know are we turning a blind eye are we um allowing our own attitudes about <&>swallow tut um women deserve to be beaten she deserves to be beaten those sorts of attitudes or it's your your bed you lie in it <.>i what happens in the home is <.>ex is strictly private to what goes on in that whanau mm so all those sorts of attitudes are things that we all need to be questioning within ourselves what we find in our work when we're out um providing education training workshops and seminars is that still lots of <&>9:00 people focus in on her and ask that standard question why does she stay you know why does she go back and er why doesn't she just get the hell out of it and er <.>peop it's interesting that people are quite quick to look at her but not necessarily are they in the same breath as keen and eager to look at him i mean people will say if you question them further oh yeah it's absolutely intolerant you know violence is just not on and and oh i don't agree with it no men should beat women and you know he should be castrated and that but that's as far as it goes and it's not very progressive sort of thinking it's not helpful in terms of challenging the attitudes of men in terms of challenging the behaviours of men um and we think that people need to be looking more at some of the gender issues why is it that it's men why is it that it's maori men between the ages of x y and z that are doing most of the beating that are getting arrested for for for beating their partners and why is it that it's um women right across the board that are <.>bec being victims <&>10:00 why is it that it's all sorts of men you know we're not asking those things we're not seeking the right answers mm <.>you you see the <.>e the after <.>f effects of <.>y of what happens to a victim but you know nobody really swallows thinks of the cause <,> is is that something that um <.>i needs to be addressed in new zealand or <{><[>here in wellington <[>yes <.>i yes it does and it is becoming it is it is voc it is it's happening and what we know in refuge from the experiences of <.>woode er women is that family violence violence is about power and control it's about er one individual's need to have um power and control over his partner and over her circumstances it's an addictive need it's about um inhales that's the only one thing that that person can have control over is his partner and is his relationship and what goes on in his home um a lot of men who batter have this belief and value that um a man's home is his <&>11:00 castle that a man is a provider and therefore he's the major breadwinner and he therefore says what goes in in his and occurs in that household who she speaks to who she sees what she wears where she goes out to what sort of kai she cooks how much time she spends with the children how many babies she will have how much money she's allowed to have or spend all of those sorts of um are forms of abuse are tactics that batterers use on their partner and violence is about power and control it's as it's as simple as that um yet it's has a lot of complexities to it as well so battered women up and down the country maori women and nonmaori women talk about er having <.>ha have those very common experiences about feeling like they're slaves feeling like they're up from voc from sun up till sun down attending to the house making sure the house is scrubbed and kept spotless that he's got the right kai in the house that he's served the right food at the right time that the children are kept quiet and that the children are kept <&>12:00 clean and healthy um that she budgets the <.>m the money that that um is destined for that household and she makes sure that that money stretches so that there's enough kai there and there's enough money for alcohol and enough money for drugs as well for him mm so expectations need to be changed is is there something do do men need to adapt to a world that er <.>y that women are are foreseeing as becoming a reality it seems to be the er current <.>co um comments that seem to be happening in the media um and it's interesting that it's coming from a lot of guys too um that you know men need to get their act together um they're living in a different world and and in actual fact it it isn't it <.>w isn't as as it's not just about that it's about both of us both men and women needing to sit and question what are our attitudes and what are our beliefs and values about women and men in this world what <&>13:00 are our role models who are our role models and often our role models are our parents where did they get what's where's what sort of messages did they get as children and what sort of messages do we did we get as children and <.>w more importantly what sort of messages are we giving to our tamariki about a man's role in this world and about a woman's role in this world a good relationship and a bad relationship and we have to question those messages that we give where do you get these kind of messages from it's not like you go into a classroom and <.>you and they say well this is what a man's role and this is what a woman's role is so how do you without experiencing life how do you how do you go through something like that tut you look within your own home first of all <.>that's that's <.>w your first point of of um where you first seek your role models where you first seek your messages from it's from your parents it's from your immediate whanau your guardians whoever it is that's brought you up in this world and if you're <.>i and if you're a <.>li you are unfortunate enough to be an institutionalised child from a wee <&>14:00 from a wee age well then you look <.>w look within those four walls of that institution and see what sort of messages you're being given there and many of us don't even question what's normal and what's abnormal er many of us don't even question what's a disorder and what's you know what's orderly behaviour um we just grow up sensing that this is the way it is to be boys climb trees boys play <{><[>aggressively boys get guns um girls get little dolls with blonde hair er girls get encouraged to play passively boys are beaten and are yelled at if they cried and told that they're a sissy so they <.>l they're taught to repress their feelings um to not cry at all and to have that staunch sort of image whereas um often we as girls are told we're we're sissy and oh that hurt oh never mind darling those sorts of things and sometimes we're told also to not cry and that only little girls and little you know little <.>w <.>s um weaklings and sissies cry you know and those sorts of <&>15:00 messages have a real huge impact on us as kids <[>coughs mm so how do we change we change <.>s we stop giving those sorts of messages and we start looking at relationships are <.>a er are about good relationships are about equality tut and they're about nonviolence they're about negotiating with one another they're about being er being reasonable and understanding one another's requests and needs it's about um clears throat encouraging fair play it's about encouraging children to play and learn conflict resolution skills learning how to resolve problems so if we learn how to resolve those problems at a young age we don't grow up with an attitude that there's a winner and there's a loser and that's the way you tackle life you win or you lose you knock that attitude out of people and and even this language saying you knock that out of people those are the sorts of things that we've got to put a stop to and i don't believe that er we give children enough room in <&>16:00 this world that er children are still grown er still grow up today with with um tut the belief that children are to be seen and not heard that children can play in certain places that children um have a little a little room in their in the house where they can mess up entirely um there's not enough of our homes that are homes that are open to children as well so that many of us are are um <.>we voc one of the many beautiful things about maori people is that our homes are imMACulate you know you could eat off our <.>fl eat off our floors and we take absolute PRIDE in the presentations of our whare and some of us do that to the detriment of the freedom of our children and er so those are the things that we need to be looking at how we rear our children how much room we give them in this world and how much positive <.>a reaffirmation that sort of those sorts of things we give to children and we in refuge know that to end family violence it's going to take generations and generations and <&>17:00 generations of work to er before we finally eradicate the the um er the voc you know intense sexist er attitudes that exist amongst men and women <&>17:12