
	Yes because he never did a thing like that before as ask to get his
breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the City Arms hotel when he
used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his hightness to
make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he thought he
had a great leg of and she never left us a farthing all for masses for herself
and her soul greatest miser ever was actually afraid to lay out 4d for her
methylated spirit telling me all her ailments she had too much old chat in
her about politics and earthquakes and the end of the world let us have a bit
of fun first God help the world if all the women were her sort down on
bathingsuits and lownecks of course nobody wanted her to wear them I
suppose she was pious because no man would look at her twice I hope Ill
never be like her a wonder she didnt want us to cover our faces but she was
a welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here
and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her dog
smelling my fur and always edging to get up under my petticoats especially
then still I like that in him polite to old women like that and waiters and
beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he got
anything really serious the matter with him its much better for them to go
into a hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring it
into him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing on
the carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or a nun maybe
like the smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yes because
theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want a woman to get well
if his nose bleeds youd think it was O tragic and that dyinglooking one off
the south circular when he sprained his foot at the choir party at the 
sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him
flowers the worst old ones she could find at the bottom of the basket
anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with her old maids voice trying
to imagine he was dying on account of her to never see thy face again
though he looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed
father was the same beside I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his 
toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if it 
was a thing I was sick then wed see what attention only of course the 
woman hides it not to give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere
Im sure by his appetite anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of
her so either it was one of those night women if it was down there he was
really and the hotel story he made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it
Hynes kept me who did I meet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and
who else who let me see that big babbyface I saw him and he not long
married flirting with a young girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back
on him when he slinked out looking quite conscious what harm but he had
the impudence to make up to me one time well done to him mouth almighty
and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever met and thats called a
solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if its not that its
some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the sly if
they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day before yesterday he
was scribbling something a letter when I came into the front room to show
him Dignams death in the paper as if something told me and he covered it
up with the blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very
probably that was it to somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because
all men get a bit like that at his age especially getting on to forty he is now
so as to wheedle any money she can out of him no fool like an old fool and
then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not that I care two straws
now who he does it with or knew before that way though Id like to find out
so long as I dont have the two of them under my nose all the time like that
slut that Mary we had in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to
excite him bad enough to get the smell of those painted women off him once
or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to come near me when I found the
long hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchen
pretending he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them it was
all his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at 
our table on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in my house
stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see her aunt if
you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had something on
with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you have no
proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I told 
her what I thought of her suggesting me to go out to be alone with her I
wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters I found in her room the
Friday she was out that was enough for me a little bit too much her face
swelled up on her with temper when I gave her her weeks notice I saw to
that better do without them altogether do out the rooms myself quicker only
for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt I gave it to him anyhow
either she or me leaves the house I couldnt even touch him if I thought he 
was with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven like that one denying it up to my 
face and singing about the place in the WC too because she knew she was
too well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it that long so he
must do it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it
the night Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in
my hand there steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my
thumb to squeeze back singing the young May moon shes beaming love
because he has an idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im
dining out and going to the Gaiety though Im not going to give him the
satisfaction in any case God knows hes a change in a way not to be always
and ever wearing the same old hat unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do
it since I cant do it myself a young boy would like me Id confuse him a little
alone with him if we were Id let him see my garters the new ones and make
him turn red looking at him seduce him I know what boys feel with that
down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hour
question and answer would you do this that and the other with the coalman
yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some dean or bishop
was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens when I was knitting that
woolen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the
monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging him making him
worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of
who is it tell me his name who tell me who the german Emperor is it yes
imagine Im him think of him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me
what he never will he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply
ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it till he
comes and then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your lips pale
anyhow its done now once and for all with all the talk of the world about it
people make its only the first time after that its just the ordinary do it and
think no more about it why cant you kiss a man without going and 
marrying him first you sometimes love to wildly when you feel that way so
nice all over you you cant help yourself I wish some man or other would
take me sometime when hes there and kiss me in his arms theres nothing
like a kiss long and hot down to your soul almost paralyses you then I hate
that confession when I used to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father
and what harm if he did where and I said on the canal bank like a fool but
whereabouts on your person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes
rather high up was it where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom
right out and have done with it what has that got to do with it and did you
whatever way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real
father what did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he
had a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither
would he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know me
in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed never turn
or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyre lost for a woman
of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone them Id like to be
embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of incense off him like the
pope besides theres no danger with a priest if youre married hes too careful
about himself then give something to HH the pope for a penance I wonder
was he satisfied with me one thing I didnt like his slapping me behind going
away so familiarly in the hall though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am
I I suppose he was thinking of his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of
me or dreaming am I in it who gave him that flower he said he bought he
smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind
of paste they stick their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those
richlooking green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies
drink with the opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that
American that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he
could do to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took
the port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely and
tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped straight
into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us I thought the
heavens were coming down about us to punish us when I blessed myself
and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar as if the
world was coming to an end and then they come and tell you theres no God ...
