<B CESERM3B>
<Q E3 IR SERM JETAYLOR>
<N MARRIAGE RING>
<A TAYLOR JEREMY>
<C E3>
<O 1640-1710>
<M X>
<K X>
<D ENGLISH>
<V PROSE>
<T SERMON>
<G X>
<F X>
<W SCRIPT>
<X MALE>
<Y 40-60>
<H PROF HIGH>
<U X>
<E X>
<J X>
<I FORMAL>
<Z INSTR REL>
<S SAMPLE X>


[^TAYLOR, JEREMY.
THE MARRIAGE RING (1673).
ED. F. COUTTS.
LONDON AND NEW YORK: JOHN LANE, 1907.
PP. 8.6 - 28.29^]

<P 8>
   Single life makes men in one instance to be like Angels,
but Marriage in very many things makes the chast pair to be
like to Christ. (^This is a great mystery^) , but it is the     #
symbolical
and sacramental representment of the greatest mysteries of
our Religion. Christ descended from his Father's bosom,
and contracted his Divinity with flesh and bloud, and married
our Nature, and we became a Church, the spouse of the
Bridegroom, which he cleansed with his Bloud, and gave her
his holy Spirit for a dowry, and Heaven for a joynture;         #
begetting 
children unto God by the Gospel. This Spouse he
hath joyn'd to himself by an excellent Charity, he feeds her at
his own Table, and lodges her nigh his own Heart, provides
for all her Necessities, relieves her Sorrows, determines her
Doubts, guides her Wandrings, he is become her Head, and
she as a Signet upon his right hand; he first indeed was
betrothed to the Synagogue and had many children by her,
but she forsook her love, and then he married the Church
of the Gentiles, and by her as by a second venter had a more
numerous Issue, (\atque una domus est omnium filiorum ejus\) ,
all the Children dwell in the same house, and are Heirs of the
same promises, intituled to the same Inheritance. Here is
the eternal Conjunction, the indissoluble knot, the exceeding
love of Christ, the obedience of the Spouse, the                #
communicating
of Goods, the uniting of Interests, the fruit of Marriage, a
celestial Generation, a new Creature; (\Sacramentum hoc magnum 
est\) ; this is the Sacramental mystery, represented by the
holy Rite of Marriage; so that Marriage is divine in its
<P 9>
Institution, sacred in its Union, holy in the Mystery,          #
sacramental
in its Signification, honourable in its Appellative,
religious in its Imployments: It is Advantage to the societies
of men, and it is (^Holiness to the Lord^) . (\Dico autem in    #
Christo
& Ecclesia\) , It must be in Christ and the Church.
   If this be not observed, Marriage loses its mysteriousness:
but because it is to effect much of that which it signifies,
it concerns all that enter into those golden fetters to see
that Christ and his Church be in at every of its periods,
and that it be intirely conducted and over-rul'd by Religion;
for so the Apostle passes from the sacramental rite to the real
duty; (^Nevertheless^) , that is, although the former Discourse
were wholly to explicate the Conjunction of Christ and his
Church by this similitude, yet it hath in it this real Duty,    #
(^that
the man love his wife, and the wife reverence her husband^) :
and this is the use we shall now make of it, the particulars of 
which precept I shall thus dispose:
   1. I shall propound the Duty as it generally relates to
Man and Wife in conjunction. 2. The duty and power of
the Man. 3. The rights and priviledges, and the duty of
the Wife.
   1. (\In Christo & Ecclesia\) that begins all, and there is
great need it should be so: for they that enter into the state
of marriage, cast a dye of the greatest contingency, and yet of 
the greatest interest in the world, next to the last throw
for Eternity.
[^GREEK OMITTED^]
Life or death, felicity or a lasting sorrow are in the power
of marriage. A woman indeed ventures most for she hath no
Sanctuary to retire to from an evil Husband; she must dwell
upon her Sorrow, and hatch the Eggs which her own Folly or
<P 10>
Infelicity hath produced; and she is more under it, because
her tormentor hath a warrant of prerogative, and the Woman
may complain to God as Subjects do of tyrant Princes, but
otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of unkindness.
And though the man can run from many hours of his sadness,
yet he must return to it again, and when he sits among his
neighbours, he remembers the objection that lies in his bosom,
and he sighs deeply.

(\Ah tum te miserum, malique fati
Quem attractis pedibus patente porta
Percurrent mugilesque raphanique.\)

The boys, and the pedlers, and the fruiterers shall tell of     #
this
man, when he is carried to his grave, that he lived and died a
poor wretched person. The Stags in the Greek Epigram,
whose Knees were clog'd with frozen Snow upon the mountains,
came down to the Brooks of the valleys, [^GREEK OMITTED^]
hoping to thaw their joynts with the waters of
the stream; but there the Frost overtook them, and bound
them fast in Ice, till the young Heards-men took them in
their stranger snare. It is the unhappy chance of many men,
finding many inconveniences upon the mountains of single
life, they descend into the valleys of marriage to
refresh their troubles, and there they enter into
fetters, and are bound to sorrow by the cords of
a mans or womans peevishness: and the worst
of the evil is, they are to thank their own follies;
for they fell into the snare by entering an improper 
way: Christ and the Church were no ingredients 
in their choice: but as the (^Indian^) Women enter
into folly for the price of an Elephant, and think their Crime
warrantable; so do men and women change their liberty for
<P 11>
a rich fortune (like (^Eriphyle^) the (^Argive^) , [^GREEK      #
OMITTED^]
she preferr'd gold before a good man)
and shew themselves to be less than money by overvaluing
that to all the content and wise felicity of their lives: and
when they have counted the Money and their Sorrows together, 
how willingly would they buy with the Loss
of all that money, Modesty, or sweet Nature to
their relative! the odd thousand pound would
gladly be allowed in good nature and fair manners. 
As very a Fool is he that chuses for
Beauty principally; (\cui sunt eruditi oculi, & stulta
mens\) (as one said,) whose Eyes are witty, and
their Soul sensual; It is an ill band of affections
to tie two hearts together by a little thread of red and white.

[^GREEK OMITTED^]

And they can love no longer but until the next Ague comes,
and they are fond of each other but at the chance of fancy, or
the small Pox, or Child-bearing, or Care, or Time, or any
thing that can destroy a pretty Flower. But it is the basest
of all when lust is the Paranymph and solicites the suit, and
makes the contract, and joyns the hands; for this is commonly
the effect of the former, according to the Greek proverb,

[^GREEK OMITTED^]

At first for his fair cheeks and comely Beard, the beast
is taken for a Lion, but at last he is turn'd to a Dragon, or
a Leopard, or a Swine. That which is at first Beauty on the
face may prove Lust in the manners.

[^GREEK OMITTED^]
<P 12>
So (^Eubulus^) wittily reprehended such impure contracts; they
offer in their marital Sacrifices nothing but the Thigh, and
that which the Priests cut from the Goats when they were
laid to bleed upon the Altars. [^GREEK OMITTED^]
Said S. (^Clement^) . "He or she that looks too curiously upon
"the beauty of the body, looks too low, and hath flesh and      #
corruption
in his Heart, and is judg'd sensual and earthly in
his Affections and Desires." Begin therefore with God;
Christ is the President of marriage, and the holy Ghost is the
Fountain of purities and chast loves, and he joyns the hearts;
and therefore let our first Suit be in the court of Heaven, and
with designs of Piety, or Safety, or Charity; let no impure
spirit defile the virgin purities and (^castifications of the   #
soul^) ,
(as S. (^Peters^) phrase is;) let all such Contracts begin      #
with religious 
affections.

(\Conjugium petimus, partumque uxoris; at illis
Notum, qui pueri qualisve futura sit uxor.\)

We sometimes beg of God, for a Wife or a Child, and he
alone knows what the wife shall prove, and by what              #
dispositions
and manners, and into what fortune that child shall
enter: but we shall not need to fear concerning the Event of
it, if Religion, and fair Intentions, and Prudence manage, and
conduct it all the way. The preservation of a Family, the
production of Children, the avoiding Fornication, the           #
refreshment
of our Sorrows by the comforts of Society, all these are
fair Ends of Marriage and hallow the entrance; but, in these
there is a special order; society was the first designed,       #
(^It is
not good for man to be alone^) ; Children was the next,         #
(^Increase
and multiply^) ; but the avoiding fornication came in by the
<P 13>
superfoetation of the evil accidents of the world. The first
makes marriage Delectable, the second necessary to the
Publick, the third necessary to the Particular; This is for
safety, for life, and Heaven it self;

(\Nam simulac venas inflavit dira cupido,
Huc juvenes aequum est descendere; -\)

   The other have in them joy and a portion of Immortality:
the first makes the mans Heart glad; the second is the friend
of Kingdoms, and Cities, and Families; and the third is the
Enemy to Hell, and an Antidote of the chiefest inlet to
damnation: but of all these the noblest End is the multiplying
children, (\Mundus cum patet, Deorum tristium atque inferum
quasi patet janua; propterea uxorem liberorum quaerendorum
causa ducere religiosum est\) , said (^Varro^) , It is          #
religion to marry
for children; and (^Quintilian^) put it into the definition of  #
a
wife, (\est enim uxor quam jungit, quam diducit utilitas; cujus
haec reverentia est, quod videtur inventa in causa              #
liberorum\) ,
and therefore S. (^Ignatius^) when he had spoken of (^Elias^) , #
and
(^Titus^) , and (^Clement^) , with an honourable mention of     #
their
virgin-state, lest he might seem to have lessened the married
Apostles, at whose feet in Christs Kingdom he thought himself 
unworthy to sit, he gives this testimony, they were 
[^GREEK OMITTED^] that they
might not be disparaged in their great names of holiness and
severity, they were secured by not marrying to satisfie their
lower appetites, but out of desire of children. Other           #
considerations 
if they be incident and by way of appendage, are
also considerable in the accounts of prudence; but when they
become principles, they defile the mystery and make the
blessing doubtful: (\Amabit sapiens, cupient caeteri\) ,        #
said (^Afranius^) ,
<P 14>
Love is a fair Inducement, but Desire and Appetite are
rude, and the Characterisms of a sensual person: (\Amare
justi & boni est, cupere impotentis\) ; to love, belongs to     #
a just
and a good man; but to lust, or furiously and passionately
to desire, is the sign of impotency and an unruly mind.
   2. Man and Wife are equally concerned to avoid all
Offences of each other in the beginning of their conversation:
every little thing can blast an infant Blossom; and the breath
of the South can shake the little rings of the Vine, when first
they begin to curle like the locks of a new weaned boy; but
when by Age and consolidation they stiffen into the hardness
of a stem, and have by the warm embraces of the Sun and the
kisses of Heaven brought forth their clusters, they can endure
the storms of the North, and the loud noises of a Tempest,
and yet never be broken: So are the early unions of an
unfixed Marriage; watchful and observant, jealous and busie,
inquisitive and careful, and apt to take alarum at every unkind
word. For Infirmities do not manifest themselves in the first
Scenes, but in the succession of a long Society; and it is not
chance or weakness when it appears at first, but it is want of
love or prudence, or it will be so expounded; and that which
appears ill at first usually affrights the unexperienced man or
woman, who makes unequal conjectures, and fancies mighty
sorrows by the proportions of the new and early unkindness.
It is a very great Passion, or a huge Folly, or a certain want
of Love, that cannot preserve the colours and beauties of
Kindness, so long as publick Honesty requires a man to wear
their Sorrows for the death of a Friend. (^Plutarch^) compares
a new Marriage to a Vessel before the hoops are on, 
[^GREEK OMITTED^] every
thing dissolves their tender compaginations, but [^GREEK        #
OMITTED^]
<P 15>
when the joynts are stiffened and are tied by a firm            #
compliance
and proportion'd bending, scarcely can it be dissolved
without Fire or the violence of Iron. After the Hearts of
the man and the wife are endeared and hardened by a mutual
Confidence, and Experience longer than artifice and pretence
can last, there are a great many remembrances, and some
things present that dash all little unkindnesses in pieces.
The little Boy in the Greek Epigram, that was creeping
down a Precipice was invited to his Safety by the sight of
his Mother's pap, when nothing else could intice him to
return: and the bond of common Children, and the sight
of her that nurses what is most dear to him, and the            #
endearments
of each other in the course of a long society, and the
same relation is an excellent security to redintegrate and to
call that love back which folly and trifling accidents would
disturb.

(\- Tormentum ingens nubentibus haeret
Quae nequeunt parere, & partu retinere maritos.\)

When it is come thus far, it is hard untwisting the Knot;
but be careful in its first coalition, that there be no         #
rudeness
done; for if there be, it will for ever after be apt to start
and to be diseased.
   3. Let man and wife be careful to stifle little things,
that as fast as they spring, they be cut down and trod upon;
for if they be suffered to grow by numbers, they make the
spirit peevish, and the Society troublesome, and the Affections
loose and easie by an habitual Aversation. Some men are
more vexed with a Flie than with a Wound; and when the
Gnats disturb our sleep, and the Reason is disquieted but not
perfectly awakened; it is often seen that he is fuller of       #
trouble
than if in the day-light of his reason he were to contest with
<P 16>
a potent enemy. In the frequent little accidents of a           #
Family,
a mans reason cannot always be awake; and when his Discourses 
are imperfect, and a trifling Trouble makes him yet
more restless, he is soon betrayed to the violence of Passion.
It is certain that the man or woman are in a state of weakness
and folly then, when they can be troubled with a trifling
accident; and therefore it is not good to tempt their           #
affections,
when they are in that state of danger. In this case the
Caution is, to substract Fuel from the sudden Flame; for
stubble though it be quickly kindled, yet it is as soon         #
extinguished,
if it be not blown by a pertinacious breath, or
fed with new materials. Add no new provocations to the
accident, and do not inflame this, and peace will soon return,
and the discontent will pass away soon, as the sparks from the
collision of a flint; ever remembring, that Discontents         #
proceeding
from daily little things, do breed a secret undiscernable 
Disease, which is more dangerous than a Fever
proceeding from a discerned notorious Surfeit.
   4. Let them be sure to abstain from all those things,
which by experience and observation they find to be contrary
to each other. They that govern Elephants never appear
before them in White, and the Masters of Bulls keep from
them all garments of Bloud and Scarlet, as knowing that they
will be impatient of civil usages and discipline, when their
Natures are provoked by their proper Antipathies. The
ancients in their martial Hieroglyphicks us'd to depict
(^Mercury^) standing by (^Venus^) , to signifie, that by        #
fair language
and sweet intreaties, the minds of each other should be
united; and hard by them, (\Suadam & Gratias descripserunt\) ,
they would have all deliciousness of manners, compliance and
mutual observance to abide.
   5. Let the Husband and Wife infinitely avoid a curious
<P 17>
distinction of (^mine^) and (^thine^) ; for this hath           #
caused all the
Laws, and all the Suits, and all the Wars in the World; let
them who have but one Person, have also but one Interest.
The Husband and Wife are heirs to each other (as (^Dionysius
Halicarnasseus^) relates from (^Romulus^) ) if they die         #
without
Children; but if there be Children, the Wife is [^GREEK         #
OMITTED^]
a partner in the Inheritance. But during their life,
the use and imployment is common to both their necessities,
and in this there is no other Difference of right, but that     #
the
Man hath the Dispensation of all, and may keep it from his
Wife just as the Governour of a Town may keep it from the
right Owner; he hath the (^power^) , but (^no right^) to        #
do so. And
when either of them begins to impropriate, it is like a         #
tumour
in the flesh, it draws more than its share; but what it feeds
on, turns to a bile: and therefore the (^Romans^) forbad any
Donations to be made between Man and Wife, because
neither of them could transfer a new Right of those things,
which already they had in common; but this is to be understood 
only concerning the uses of necessity and personal
conveniences; for so all may be the Woman's, and all may be
the Man's in several regards. (^Corvinus^) dwells in a Farm
and receives all its profits, and reaps and sows as he please,
and eats of the Corn and drinks of the Wine; it is his own:
but all that also is his Lords, and for it (^Corvinus^) pays
Acknowledgement; and his Patron hath such powers and uses
of it as are proper to the Lords; and yet for all this, it may
be the Kings too, to all the purposes that he can need, and
is all to be accounted in the (^census^) and for certain        #
services
and times of danger: So are the Riches of a Family, they
are a Womans as well as a Mans: they are hers for Need,
and hers for Ornament, and hers for modest Delight, and for
the uses of Religion and prudent Charity; but the disposing
<P 18>
them into portions of inheritance, the assignation of charges
and governments, stipends and rewards, annuities and greater
donatives are the reserves of the superior right, and not to
be invaded by the under-possessors. But in those things,
where they ought to be common, if the spleen or the belly
swells and draws into its capacity much of that which should
be spent upon those parts, which have an equal right to be
maintain'd, it is a dropsie or a consumption of the whole,
something that is evil because it is unnatural and monstrous.
(^Macarius^) in his 32 Homily speaks fully in this              #
particular, a
Woman betrothed to a Man bears all her Portion, and with
a mighty Love pours it into the hands of her Husband, and
says, [^GREEK OMITTED^] , I have nothing of my own; my Goods,
my Portion, my Body and my Mind is yours. [^GREEK OMITTED^]
all that a Woman hath is reckoned to the right of
her Husband; not her wealth and her person only, but her
reputation and her praise; so (^Lucian^) . But as the Earth,
the Mother of all Creatures here below, sends up all its
Vapours and proper emissions at the command of the Sun,
and yet requires them again to refresh her own Needs, and
they are deposited between them both in the bosome of a
Cloud as a common receptacle, that they may cool his Flames,
and yet descend to make her Fruitful: So are the                #
proprieties
of a Wife to be dispos'd of by her Lord; and yet all are for
her provisions, it being a part of his need to refresh and
supply hers, and it serves the interest of both while it        #
serves
the necessities of either.
   These are the Duties of them both, which have common
regards and equal necessities, and obligations; and indeed
there is scarce any matter of duty, but it concerns them both
alike, and is only distinguished by names, and hath its         #
variety
<P 19>
by circumstances and little accidents: and what in one is
call'd (^love^) , in the other is called (^reverence^) ; and    #
what in the
wife is (^obedience^) , the same in the man is (^duty^) . He    #
provides,
and she dispenses; he gives commandments, and she rules
by them; he rules her by Authority, and she rules him by
Love; she ought by all means to please him, and he must
by no means displease her. For as the Heart is set in the
midst of the Body, and though it strikes to one side by the
prerogative of Nature, yet those throbs and constant motions
are felt on the other side also, and the influence is equal to
both: So it is in conjugal Duties; some motions are to the
one side more than to the other, but the interest is on both,
and the Duty is equal in the several instances. If it be
otherwise, the Man enjoys a Wife as (^Periander^) did his dead
(^Melissa^) , by an unnatural Union, neither pleasing, nor      #
holy,
useless to all the purposes of Society, and dead to Content.
<P 20>
[}PART II.}]

   The next Inquiry is more particular, and considers
the Power and Duty of the Man; (^Let every one of
you so love his Wife even as himself^) ; she is as himself, 
the man hath power over her as over himself,
and must love her equally. A Husbands power over his
wife is paternal and friendly, not magisterial and despotick.
The wife is in (\perpetua tutela\) , under conduct and counsel;
for, the power a man hath is founded in the understanding,
not in the will or force; it is not a power of coercion, but a
power of advice, and that government that wise men have
over those who are fit to be conducted by them: (\Et vos in
manu et in tutela non in servitio debetis habere eas, et malle
patres vos, et viros, quam dominos dici\) , said (^Valerius^)   #
in (^Livie^) ;
Husbands should rather be (^Fathers^) than (^Lords^) .          #
(^Homer^) adds
more soft appellatives to the character of a Husbands duty,
[^GREEK OMITTED^]
Thou art to be a Father and a Mother to her, and a Brother:
and great reason, unless the state of Marriage should be no
better than the condition of an Orphan. For she that is
bound to leave Father and Mother, and Brother for thee,
either is miserable like a poor fatherless child, or else ought
<P 21>
to find all these, and more in thee. (^Medea^) in (^Euripides^) #
had
cause to complain when she found it otherwise.

[^GREEK OMITTED^]

Which Saint (^Ambrose^) well translates: It is sad, when        #
Virgins
are with their own Money sold to Slavery; and that Services
are in better state than Marriages; for they receive Wages,
but these buy their Fetters and pay dear for their loss of
Liberty; and therefore the (^Romans^) expressed the mans power
over his wife but by a gentle word, (\Nec vero mulieribus       #
praefectus 
praeponatur, qui apud Graecos creari solet, sed sit censor
qui viros doceat moderari uxoribus\) ; said (^Cicero^) ,        #
let there be
no Governour of the Woman appointed, but a Censor of
Manners, one to teach the men (^to moderate their Wives^) ,     #
that
is, fairly to induce them to the measures of their own          #
proportions. 
It was rarely observed of (^Philo^) , [^GREEK OMITTED^]
when (^Adam^) made that fond Excuse for his Folly in eating
the forbidden fruit, he said (^The woman thou gavest to be
with me she gave me^) He says not (^The woman which thou
gavest to me^) no such thing; she is none of his Goods, none
of his Possessions, not to be reckoned amongst his Servants;
God did not give her to him so; but (^The woman thou gavest
to be with me^) that is, to be my partner, the Companion of my
joys and sorrows, thou gavest her for Use, not for Dominion.
The Dominion of a man over his Wife is no other than as
the Soul rules the Body; for which it takes a mighty care,
and uses it with a delicate tenderness, and cares for it in all
<P 22>
contingencies, and watches to keep it from all evils, and
studies to make for it fair provisions, and very often is led
by its inclinations and desires, and does never contradict
its appetites, but when they are evil, and then also not        #
without
some trouble and sorrow; and its Government comes only to
this, it furnishes the body with light and understanding, and
the body furnishes the soul with hands and feet; the Soul
governs, because the body cannot else be happy, but the
(^government^) is no other than (^provision^) ; as a Nurse      #
governs
a Child, when she causes him to eat, and to be warm, and
dry, and quiet: and yet even the very government itself is
divided; for Man and Wife in the family, are as the Sun
and Moon in the firmament of Heaven; He rules by Day,
and she by Night, that is, in the lesser and more proper
Circles of her affairs, in the conduct of domestick             #
provisions
and necessary offices, and shines only by his light, and rules
by his authority; and as the Moon in opposition to the Sun
shines brightest, that is, then, when she is in her own circles
and separate regions; so is the authority of the Wife then
most conspicuous, when she is separate and in her proper
Sphere; in (^Gynaeceo^) , in the nursery and offices of         #
domestick
employment: but when she is in conjunction with the Sun her
Brother, that is, in that place and employment in which his
care and proper offices are employed, her light is not seen,
her authority hath no proper business; but else there is no
difference: for they were barbarous people, among whom wives
were instead of servants, said (^Spartianus^) in                #
(^Caracalla^) ; and
it is a sign of impotency and weakness, to force the Camels to
kneel for their Load, because thou hast not spirit and strength
enough to climb: To make the affections and evenness of a
wife bend by the flexures of a servant, is a sign the man is
not wise enough to govern, when another stands by. So
<P 23>
many differences as can be in the appellatives of (\Dominus\)
and (\Domina\) , Governour and Governess, Lord and Lady,
Master and Mistress, the same difference there is in the
authority of man and woman, and no more; (\Si tu Caius, ego
Caia\) , was publickly proclaimed upon the threshold of the
young mans house, when the bride enter'd into his hands
and power; and the title of (\Domina\) in the sense of the      #
Civil
Law, was among the (^Romans^) given to Wives.

(\Hi Dominam Ditis thalamo deducere adorti\) ,

said (^Virgil^) : where, though (^Servius^) says it was         #
spoken after
the manner of the (^Greeks^) , who call'd the Wife [^GREEK      #
OMITTED^] , Lady
or Mistress, yet it was so amongst both the Nations.

(\Ac domum Dominam voca\) , says (^Catullus^) ;
(\Haerebit Dominae vir comes ipse suae\) , so (^Martial^) ;

And therefore although there is just measure of Subjection
and Obedience due from the Wife to the Husband (as I shall
after explain) yet nothing of this expressed is in the mans
Character, or in his Duty; he is not commanded to rule, nor
instructed how, nor bidden to exact obedience, or to defend
his priviledge; all his Duty is signified by (^Love^) , by      #
(^nourishing
and cherishing^) , by being joyned with her in all the unions   #
of
charity, by (^not being bitter to her^) , by (^dwelling with    #
her according 
to knowledge, giving honour to her^) : so that it seems to be
with Husbands, as it is with Bishops and Priests, to whom
much honour is due, but yet so that if they stand upon it, and
challenge it, they become less honourable: And as amongst
men and women humility is the way to be preferr'd; so it is
in Husbands, they shall prevail by cession, by sweetness and
counsel, and charity and compliance. So that we cannot
discourse of the mans right, without describing the measures    #
of
his duty; that therefore follows next.
<P 24>
   (^Let him love his wife even as himself^) : That's his Duty,
and the measure of it too: which is so plain, that if he        #
understands
how he treats himself, there needs nothing be added
concerning his demeanour towards her, save only that we add
the particulars, in which holy Scripture instances this general
Commandment.
   [^GREEK OMITTED^] That's the first. (^Be not bitter against
her^) ; and this is the least Index and signification of Love;  #
a
Civil man is never bitter against a Friend or a Stranger, much
less to him that enters under his Roof, and is secured by the
Laws of Hospitality. But a Wife does all that, and more;
she quits all her interest for his love, she gives him all that #
she
can give, she is as much the same person as another can be
the same, who is conjoyned by love, and mystery, and religion,
and all that is sacred and profane.

(\Non equidem hoc dubites amborum foedere certo
Consentire dies, & ab uno sidere duci\) ;

They have the same Fortune, the same Family, the same
Children, the same Religion, the same Interest, the same
Flesh (\erunt duo in carnem unam\) and therefore this the
Apostle urges for his [^GREEK OMITTED^] (^no man hateth his own
flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it^) ; and he certainly is
strangely Sacrilegious and a Violater of the rights of          #
Hospitality
and Sanctuary, who uses her rudely, who is fled for
Protection, not only to his House, but also to his Heart and
Bosome. A wise man will not wrangle with any one, much
less with his dearest relative; and if it be accounted undecent
to Embrace in publick, it is extremely shameful to Brawle
in publick: for the other is in itself lawful; but this never,
though it were assisted with the best circumstances of which
it is capable. (^Marcus Aurelius^) said, that a wise man ought
<P 25>
(^often^) to (^admonish^) his wife, to (^reprove her seldom^) , #
but (^never
to lay his hands^) upon her: (\neque verberibus neque           #
maledictis
exasperandam uxorem\) , said the Doctors of the
(^Jews^) , and (^Homer^) brings in (^Jupiter^) sometimes
speaking sharply to (^Juno^) (according to the Greek
liberty and Empire) but made a pause at striking
her,

[^GREEK OMITTED^]

And the Ancients used to sacrifice to (^Juno^) [^GREEK          #
OMITTED^]
or the President of Marriage, without gall;
and St. (^Basil^) observes and urges it, by way of
upbraiding quarrelling husbands; (\Etiam vipera
virus ob nuptiarum venerationem evomit\) , the Viper
casts all his poison when he marries his female, (\Tu
duritiam animi, tu feritatem, tu crudelitatem ob unionis        #
reverentiam
non deponis?\) He is worse than a Viper, who for
the reverence of this sacred union will not abstain from such 
a poisonous bitterness; and how shall he embrace that person
whom he hath smitten reproachfully; for those kindnesses
are undecent which the fighting-man pays unto his wife.
S. (^Chrysostome^) preaching earnestly against this barbarous
Inhumanity of striking the Wife, or reviling her with evil
Language, says, it is as if a King should beat his Viceroy
and use him like a Dog; from whom most of that Reverence
and Majesty must needs depart, which he first put upon him,
and the subjects shall pay him less duty, how much his
Prince hath treated him with less civility; but the loss
redounds to himself; and the government of the whole family
shall be disordered, if blows be laid upon that shoulder which
together with the other ought to bear nothing but the cares
and the issues of a prudent government. And it is observable,
<P 26>
that no man ever did this rudeness for a vertuous end;
it is an incompetent instrument, and may proceed from wrath
and folly, but can never end in vertue and the unions of a
prudent and fair society. (\Quod si verberaveris, exasperabis
morbum\) : (saith S. (^Chrysostome^) ;) (\asperitas enim        #
mansuetudine,
non alia asperitate, dissolvitur\) ; if you strike, you         #
exasperate
the Wound, and (like (^Cato^) at (^Utica^) in his despair)      #
tear the
Wounds in pieces; and yet he that did so ill to himself whom he
lov'd well, he lov'd not women tenderly, and yet would never
strike; And if the man cannot endure her talking, how can
she endure his striking? But this Caution contains a Duty
in it which none prevaricates, but the meanest of the people,
Fools and Bedlams, whose kindness is a Curse, whose government 
is by chance and Violence, and their families are Herds
of talking Cattel,

(\Sic alternos reficit cursus
Alternus Amor, sic astrigeris
Bellum discors exulat oris.
Haec concordia temperat aequis
Elementa modis, ut pugnantia
Vicibus cedant humida siccis,
Jungantque fidem frigora flammis.\)

The Marital Love is infinitely removed from all possibility of
such rudenesses: it is a thing pure as Light, sacred as a
Temple, lasting as the World; (\Amicitia, quae desinere potuit,
nunquam vera fuit\) , said one; that love, that can cease, was
never true: it is [^GREEK OMITTED^] so (^Moses^) call'd it; it  #
is [^GREEK OMITTED^] so S.
(^Paul^) ; it is [^GREEK OMITTED^] so (^Homer^) ; it is         #
[^GREEK OMITTED^] so (^Plutarch^) ;
that is, it contains in it all sweetness, and all society, and
felicity, and all prudence, and all wisdom. For there is
nothing can please a man without Love, and if a man be
<P 27>
weary of the wise discourses of the Apostles, and of the        #
innocency
of an even and a private Fortune, or hates peace or a
fruitful Year, he hath reaped Thorns and Thistles from the
choicest Flowers of Paradise; (^For nothing can sweeten         #
felicity
itself, but Love^) ; but when a man dwells in love, then the    #
Breasts
of his Wife are pleasant as the droppings upon the hill of
(^Hermon^) , her Eyes are fair as the light of Heaven, she is a
Fountain sealed, and he can quench his thirst, and ease his
cares, and lay his sorrow down upon her lap, and can retire
home as to his sanctuary and refectory, and his gardens of
sweetness and chast refreshments. No man can tell but he
that loves his children, how many delicious accents make a
mans heart dance in the pretty conversation of those dear
pledges; their childishness, their stammering, their little
angers, their innocence, their imperfections, their necessities
are so many little emanations of joy and comfort to him that
delights in their persons and society; but he that loves not
his Wife and Children, feeds a Lioness at home, and broods a
nest of Sorrows; and Blessing itself cannot make him Happy;
so that all the Commandments of God injoyning a man to
(^love his wife^) , are nothing but so many Necessities and     #
Capacities
of joy. (^She that is lov'd is safe^) , and (^he that loves is  #
joyful^) .
Love is a union of all things excellent; it contains in it,
Proportion and Satisfaction, and Rest and Confidence; and I
wish that this were so much proceeded in, that the Heathen
themselves could not go beyond us in this Vertue, and its
proper, and its appendant happiness. (^Tiberius Gracchus^)      #
chose
to die for the safety of his Wife; and yet methinks to a
Christian to do so, should be no hard thing; for many Servants 
will die for their Masters, and many Gentlemen will die
for their Friend; but the Examples are not so many of those
that are ready to do it for their dearest Relatives, and yet
<P 28>
some there have been. (^Baptista Fregosa^) tells of a           #
(^Neapolitan^) ,
that gave himself a slave to the Moors, that he might follow
his Wife, and (^Dominicus Catalusius^) , the Prince of          #
(^Lesbos^) ,
kept company with his Lady when she was a Leper, and these
are greater things than to die.
   But the Cases in which this can be required are so rare
and contingent, that holy Scripture instances not the duty in
this particular; but it contains in it that the Husband should
nourish and cherish her, that he should refresh her sorrows
and intice her fears into confidence and pretty arts of rest;
For even the Fig-trees that grew in Paradise had sharp
pointed Leaves, and Harshnesses fit to mortifie the too forward
lusting after the Sweetness of the Fruit. But it will concern
the Prudence of the Husbands love to make the Cares and
Evils as simple and easie as he can, by doubling the Joys and
Acts of a careful friendship, by tolerating her Infirmities,
(because by so doing, he either cures her, or makes himself
better) by fairly expounding all the little traverses of        #
society
and communication, by taking every thing by the right handle,
(as (^Plutarch's^) expression is) for there is nothing but      #
may be
mis-interpreted, and yet if it be capable of a fair             #
construction,
it is the Office of Love to make it.

[^GREEK OMITTED^]

Love will account that to be well said, which it may be was
not so intended; and then it may cause it to be so, another
time.



