<P_8>

Jack Oates , sitting at cardes all alone , was dealing to himselfe at
vide ruffe (ARMIN-E2-H,8.2)

<paren> for that was the game he ioyed in </paren> (ARMIN-E2-H,8.3)

and as he spide a knaue - Ah , knaue , art there ? quoth he .
(ARMIN-E2-H,8.4)

When he spide a king - King , by your leaue , quoth he .
(ARMIN-E2-H,8.5)

If hee spied a queene - Queene Richard art come ? quoth he ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,8.6)

and would kneele downe , and bid God blesse her majestie <paren>
meaning , indeede , the then queene , whom he heard Sir William Hollis
, his maister , so much to pray for </paren> . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.7)

But heere is the jest : (ARMIN-E2-H,8.8)

Jack , as I say , being at cardes all alone , spying a knaue , and
saying , Ah , knaue , art there ? a simple seruingman being in the hall
, waighting his maisters comming , walking by , and hearing him say so
, thought he had called him knaue , (ARMIN-E2-H,8.9)

tooke the matter in dudgeen , (ARMIN-E2-H,8.10)

and miscalled the foole . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.11)

Another seruingman , more foolish then both , took Jack's part , so
that in short time they two fell together by the eares ; who , being
parted , Jack Oates giues them each one a hand , (ARMIN-E2-H,8.12)

and so takes them into the buttry to drinke . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.13)

The knight comes in : (ARMIN-E2-H,8.14)

seeing the hall not yet quiet , askt the matter . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.15)

Jack comes - (ARMIN-E2-H,8.16)

$I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} tell thee , Willy , quoth hee . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.17)

As I was a playing at cardes , one seeing I wonne all I playd for ,
would needes haue the knaue from mee , which , as very a knaue as hee
seeing , would needes beare him knaue for company ; (ARMIN-E2-H,8.18)

so bid them both welcome to thy house - (ARMIN-E2-H,8.19)

I haue bin to intreat the knaue , thy butler , to make them drinke .
(ARMIN-E2-H,8.20)

I , sayes Sir William ; (ARMIN-E2-H,8.21)

and you , like a knaue , made them fall out . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.22)

I , answered Jack , (ARMIN-E2-H,8.23)

and your drinke , Sir Knaue , made them friends . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.24)

Sir William , laughing , departed . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.25)

Newes came to Sir William that such a nobleman was comming to his house
: (ARMIN-E2-H,8.26)

great prouision was made for his welcome ; (ARMIN-E2-H,8.27)

and , amongst all , Jack Oates put on his new motly coate , cleane
muckender , and his new shooes . (ARMIN-E2-H,8.28)

Much preparation was made , which were too long to tell ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,8.29)

for , $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} assure ye , it was one of the greatest earles
in England , vnfit to name here : (ARMIN-E2-H,8.30)

but the <P_9> knight and his ladie met him at the gate to entertaine
him . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.31)

Sir William , with a low congy , saluted him ; (ARMIN-E2-H,9.32)

the good lady , as is the courtly custom , was kist of this noble man .
(ARMIN-E2-H,9.33)

Jack Oates , seeing him kisse his ladie , on the sodaine giues the
earle a sound box on the eare . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.34)

Knaue <paren> quoth he </paren> kisse Sir Willie's wife ?
(ARMIN-E2-H,9.35)

The good knight , amazed at this , caused him to be whipt .
(ARMIN-E2-H,9.36)

But the kinde noble man , knowing simplicitie the ground of his errour
, would not suffer it , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.37)

but , putting it vp , left him , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.38)

and entred the house . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.39)

Jack , seeing they were sad , and he had done amisse , had this wit in
simplicitie to shadow it : (ARMIN-E2-H,9.40)

he comes after (ARMIN-E2-H,9.41)

and askt the earle wher his hand was ? (ARMIN-E2-H,9.42)

Here <paren> quoth he </paren> - (ARMIN-E2-H,9.43)

with that he shakes him by it , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.44)

and sayes , I mistooke it before , knowing not your eare from your hand
, being so like one another . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.45)

Jack thought hee had mended the matter ; (ARMIN-E2-H,9.46)

but now he was whipt indeede , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.47)

and had his payment altogether . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.48)

Thus fooles , thinking to be wise , become flat foolish :
(ARMIN-E2-H,9.49)

but all is one , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.50)

Jack neuer repented him . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.51)

At a Christmas time , when great logs furnish the hall fire - when
brawne is in season , and , indeede , all reveling is regarded , this
gallant knight kept open house for all commers , where beefe , beere ,
and bread was no niggard . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.52)

Amongst all the pleasures prouided , a noyse of minstrells and a
Lincolnshire bagpipe was prepared - (ARMIN-E2-H,9.53)

the minstrels for the great chamber , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.54)

the bagpipe for the hall - (ARMIN-E2-H,9.55)

the minstrells to serue vp the knights meate , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.56)

and the bagpipe for the common dauncing . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.57)

Jack could not endure to bee in the common hall ; (ARMIN-E2-H,9.58)

for , indeede , the foole was a little proudly minded ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,9.59)

and , therefore , was altogether in the great chamber , at my ladies or
Sir Williams elbow . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.60)

One time , being very melancholy , the knight , to rouse him vp , saide
, Hence , foole ! (ARMIN-E2-H,9.61)

$I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} haue another foole ; (ARMIN-E2-H,9.62)

thou shalt dwell no longer with me . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.63)

Jack to this answered little ; though , indeede , ye could not anger
him worse . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.64)

A gentleman at the boord answers , If it please you , sir , $I $'ll
{TEXT:Ile} bring ye another foole soone . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.65)

I pray ye do <paren> quoth the knight </paren> (ARMIN-E2-H,9.66)

and he shall be welcome . (ARMIN-E2-H,9.67)

Jack fell a crying , (ARMIN-E2-H,9.68)

and departed mad and angry down into the <P_10> great hall ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,10.69)

and , being strong armed <paren> as before I described him </paren> ,
caught the bagpipes from the piper , (ARMIN-E2-H,10.70)

knockt them about his pate , that he laid the fellow for dead on the
ground , (ARMIN-E2-H,10.71)

and , all broken , carries the pipes vp into the great chamber ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,10.72)

and layes them on the fire . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.73)

The knight , knowing by Jack that something was amisse , sendes downe
to see . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.74)

Newes of this jest came ; (ARMIN-E2-H,10.75)

the knight , angry <paren> but to no purpose , for he loued the foole
aboue all , and that the household knew , else Jack had paid for it ,
for the common peoples dauncing was spoiled </paren> sent downe Jack ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,10.76)

and bad him out of his sight . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.77)

Jack cries , Hang Sir Willy , (ARMIN-E2-H,10.78)

hang Sir Willy , (ARMIN-E2-H,10.79)

and departes . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.80)

Sir William , not knowing how to amend the matter , caused the piper to
be carried to bed , who was very ill , (ARMIN-E2-H,10.81)

and said , I would now giue a gold noble for a foole : indeede , to
anger him throughly , (ARMIN-E2-H,10.82)

one of the minstrels whispers a gentleman in the eare ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,10.83)

and said , If it pleased him , hee would ; whereat the gentleman laught
. (ARMIN-E2-H,10.84)

The knight demaunded the reason of his laughing . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.85)

I pray you tell me <paren> quoth hee </paren> - (ARMIN-E2-H,10.86)

for laughing could neuer come in a better time - (ARMIN-E2-H,10.87)

the foole hath madded me . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.88)

If it please you <paren> sayes the gentleman </paren> , here is a good
fellow will goe and attire him in one of his coates , and can in all
poynts behaue himselfe naturally , like such a one . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.89)

It is good <paren> sayes the knight </paren> (ARMIN-E2-H,10.90)

and I $pray $thee {TEXT:prethee} , good fellow , about it ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,10.91)

and one goe call Jack Oates hether , that wee may hold him with talk in
the meane time . (ARMIN-E2-H,10.92)

The simple minstrell , thinking to worke wonders , as one ouerjoyed at
the good opportunitie , threw his fiddle one way , his stick another ,
and his case the third way , (ARMIN-E2-H,10.93)

and was in such a case of joy , that it was no boot to bid him make
hast : (ARMIN-E2-H,10.94)

but , proud of the knight fauor , away he flings , as if he went to tak
possession of some great lordship ; (ARMIN-E2-H,10.95)

but , what ere he got by it , I am sure his fiddle , with the fall ,
fell in pieces , which grieued his maister so , that , in loue and
pittie , he laughed till the water ran downe his cheekes .
(ARMIN-E2-H,10.96)

Beside , this good knight was like to <P_11> keepe a bad Christmas ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,11.97)

for the bagpipes and the musicke went to wracke - (ARMIN-E2-H,11.98)

the one burnt , (ARMIN-E2-H,11.99)

and the other broken . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.100)

In comes Jack Oates , (ARMIN-E2-H,11.101)

and <paren> being merry </paren> told the knight and the rest that a
country-wench in the hall had eaten garlicke , and there was seuenteene
men poysoned with kissing her : (ARMIN-E2-H,11.102)

for it was his vse to jest thus . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.103)

By and by comes in a messenger <paren> one of the knights men </paren>
to tell him that such a gentleman had sent his foole to dwell with him
. (ARMIN-E2-H,11.104)

Hee is welcome , sayes the knight , (ARMIN-E2-H,11.105)

for I am weary of this foole : (ARMIN-E2-H,11.106)

goe bid him come in - (ARMIN-E2-H,11.107)

Jack , bid him welcome . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.108)

They all laught to see Jack's colour come and goe , like a wise man
ready to make a good end . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.109)

What say you to this ? saies the knight . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.110)

Not one word sayes Jack . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.111)

They tinged with a knife at the bottome of a glasse , as toulling the
bell for the foole , who was speechlesse and would dye <paren> then
which nothing could more anger him </paren> ; (ARMIN-E2-H,11.112)

but now the thought of the new come foole so much moued him , that he
was as dead as a doore nayle - standing on tip-toe , looking toward the
door to behold ariuall , that he would put his nose out of joint .
(ARMIN-E2-H,11.113)

By and by enters my artificiall foole in his old cloaths , making wry
mouthes , dauncing , and looking a squint : who , when Jack beheld ,
sodainely he flew at him , and so violently beate him , that all the
table rose , but could scarce get him off . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.114)

Well , off he was at length : (ARMIN-E2-H,11.115)

the knight caused the broken ones to be by themselues .
(ARMIN-E2-H,11.116)

My poore minstrell , with a fall , had his head broke to the skull
against the ground , his face scratcht ; that which was worst of all
his left eye put out , (ARMIN-E2-H,11.117)

and withall so sore bruised , that he could neyther stand nor goe .
(ARMIN-E2-H,11.118)

The knight caused him to bee laide with the pyper , who was also hurt
in the like conflict , who lackt no good looking to , because they
miscarried in the knights seruice : (ARMIN-E2-H,11.119)

but euer after Jack Oates could not endure to heare any talke of
another foole to be there , (ARMIN-E2-H,11.120)

and the knight durst not make such a motion . (ARMIN-E2-H,11.121)

The pyper and the minstrel , being in bed together , one cryed , O !
his backe and face ; the other , O ! his face and eye :
(ARMIN-E2-H,11.122)

the one cryed O his pype ! the other , O his fiddle !
(ARMIN-E2-H,11.123)

Good <P_12> mussicke or broken consorts , they agree well together ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,12.124)

but when they were well , they were contented for their paines :
(ARMIN-E2-H,12.125)

they had both money and the knights fauour . (ARMIN-E2-H,12.126)

Here you haue heard the difference twixt a flat foole naturall , and a
flat foole artificiall ; (ARMIN-E2-H,12.127)

one that did his kinde , and the other who foolishly followed his owne
minde : on which two is written this Rime : {COM:verse_omitted}
(ARMIN-E2-H,12.128)

Jack Oates could neuer abide the cooke , by reason that he would scald
him out of the kitchen . (ARMIN-E2-H,12.129)

Upon a time he had a great charge from his Lady to make her a quince
pie of purpose for Sir Williams owne eating , which the cooke endeuored
to doe , (ARMIN-E2-H,12.130)

and sent to Lincolne of purpose to the apothecaries for choyse quinces
. (ARMIN-E2-H,12.131)

Jack , being at this charge giuen , thought to be euen with the cooke ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,12.132)

and waited the time when this Pie was made . (ARMIN-E2-H,12.133)

It hapned so , the cooke could get no quinces : (ARMIN-E2-H,12.134)

my lady <paren> for it was the knight's desire to haue one </paren>
sent about to Boston , and all the chiefe townes , (ARMIN-E2-H,12.135)

but all in vaine - (ARMIN-E2-H,12.136)

the season serued not ; (ARMIN-E2-H,12.137)

but , rather then Sir William should be vnfurnished , sent to Lincolne
againe to buy vp many quinces , ready preserved at pothecaries , which
she had , though with great cost . (ARMIN-E2-H,12.138)

The knight , asking his Lady for his pie , she told him with much adoe
she had preuailed , but with no little paines , in seeking quinces ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,12.139)

for she <P_13> was faine to buy them ready preserued , and to make a
vertue of necessity that way . (ARMIN-E2-H,13.140)

Sir William , seeing it was so , said it should bee as well eaten ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,13.141)

and sent for his friends , gentlemen and others of no small account .
(ARMIN-E2-H,13.142)

There was other great cheare prouided to furnish vp this sumptuous
feast , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.143)

and as he inuited them , hee tolde them it was a quince pie , which he
would haue eaten . (ARMIN-E2-H,13.144)

The day drew on , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.145)

and the gentiles were come , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.146)

and all was in a redinesse , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.147)

and still Jack forgat not the pie , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.148)

but stood faintly sicke , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.149)

and refused his meate : (ARMIN-E2-H,13.150)

the knight , sory that his best dish fayled him , made no small account
of his well fare , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.151)

askte him , Jack , sayes hee , where lyes thy paine ?
(ARMIN-E2-H,13.152)

In my mouth , sayes hee <paren> meaning , indeede , his mouth hung for
the quince pie . </paren> (ARMIN-E2-H,13.153)

A barber was sent for from the market towne hard by , who searcht his
mouth , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.154)

and could finde no cause of paine : (ARMIN-E2-H,13.155)

but Sir William , thinking the foole wanted wit to tell his griefe
<paren> though not wit to play the thiefe </paren> had the barber
depart , asking Jacke what he would eate ? (ARMIN-E2-H,13.156)

he sayd , nothing . (ARMIN-E2-H,13.157)

What he would drinke ? (ARMIN-E2-H,13.158)

he sayd , nothing ; which made Sir William doubt much of his health ,
refusing his liquour when it was usually his practice , and the knight
joyed in it too : (ARMIN-E2-H,13.159)

askit him if he would lie downe ? (ARMIN-E2-H,13.160)

still answering no , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.161)

but would stand by the kitchen fire . (ARMIN-E2-H,13.162)

The knight , that never came there but he did some exployte ,
forgetting that , led him by the hand <paren> so much he made of him
</paren> (ARMIN-E2-H,13.163)

and bad the cooke see he wanted nothing . (ARMIN-E2-H,13.164)

Jack , standing still , groan'd (ARMIN-E2-H,13.165)

and sayd , If he dyed , he would forgive all the world but the cooke .
(ARMIN-E2-H,13.166)

Hang , foole , <paren> sayes the cooke </paren> (ARMIN-E2-H,13.167)

I care not for thee : (ARMIN-E2-H,13.168)

die to-morrow if thou wilt , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.169)

and so followed his business . (ARMIN-E2-H,13.170)

They knockt to the dresser , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.171)

and the dinner went up . (ARMIN-E2-H,13.172)

Jack had a sheepes eye in the oven : (ARMIN-E2-H,13.173)

anone the second course came , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.174)

the pie was drawne , set by , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.175)

and among other backt meates was to be sent up ; (ARMIN-E2-H,13.176)

but , wanting sugar , stept aside to the spicerie to fetch it ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,13.177)

and Jack , in the meantime , catcheth the pie (ARMIN-E2-H,13.178)

and claps it under his coate , (ARMIN-E2-H,13.179)

and so runs through the hall into the yard , where was a broade moate :
(ARMIN-E2-H,13.180)

and , as he ran , the <P_14> hot pie burned his belly .
(ARMIN-E2-H,14.181)

I , sayes Jack , are ye so hot , Sir Willies pie ? (ARMIN-E2-H,14.182)

$I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} quence ye anone Sir Willies pie , sayes he ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,14.183)

and straight , very subtilly , leapes into the moate up to the arm-pits
, (ARMIN-E2-H,14.184)

and there stood eating the pie . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.185)

The cooke comes in , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.186)

misses the pie , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.187)

withal misses Jack , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.188)

cryes out , The pie ! (ARMIN-E2-H,14.189)

Sir Williams pie was gone , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.190)

the author of that feast was gone , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.191)

and they all were undone . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.192)

A hurly burly went through the house , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.193)

and one comes (ARMIN-E2-H,14.194)

and whispers the lady with the newes : (ARMIN-E2-H,14.195)

she tels Sir William how Jack Oates had stolen the pie .
(ARMIN-E2-H,14.196)

Jack was searcht for , and anon found in the moate .
(ARMIN-E2-H,14.197)

It was told the knight where the foole was eating it .
(ARMIN-E2-H,14.198)

Gentlemen <paren> quoth he </paren> we are disfurnished of our feast ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,14.199)

for Jack , my foole , is in my moate , up to the arme-pits , eating of
the pie . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.200)

They laught , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.201)

and ran to the windows to see the jest : (ARMIN-E2-H,14.202)

then they might see Jack eate , the cooke call , the people hallow ,
but to no purpose . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.203)

Jack fed , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.204)

and , feeding greedily , <paren> more to anger the cooke , than
disapoint Sir William </paren> ever as he burnt his mouth with hast ,
dipt the pie in the water to coole it . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.205)

O ! sayes the cooke , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.206)

it is Sir William's owne pie , sirra . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.207)

O ! sayes Jack hang thee and Sir Willy too : (ARMIN-E2-H,14.208)

I care not ; (ARMIN-E2-H,14.209)

it is mine now . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.210)

Save Sir William some , sayes one ; (ARMIN-E2-H,14.211)

save my lady some , sayes another . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.212)

By James , not a bit , sayes Jack ; (ARMIN-E2-H,14.213)

and eate up all , to the wonder of the beholders , who never knew him
eate so much before , but drink ten times more . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.214)

At length out comes Jack dropping dry , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.215)

and goes to get fire to dry him : (ARMIN-E2-H,14.216)

the knight and the rest all laught a good {COM:sic} at the jest : not
knowing how to amend it , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.217)

Sir William sends for the cooke , who came up with a sorrowful heart ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,14.218)

and , lamentably complaining , said it was the knights fault for
placing him in the kitchen , where he never was but hee did like
villany . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.219)

The knight , not satisfied with the cookes answere , presently
discharges him of his service , (ARMIN-E2-H,14.220)

and sent him to live elsewhere . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.221)

Goe , sayes hee ; (ARMIN-E2-H,14.222)

trusse up your trinkets (ARMIN-E2-H,14.223)

and be gone . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.224)

The cooke , seeing no remedy , departed . (ARMIN-E2-H,14.225)

Jack , being dry , up he comes ; (ARMIN-E2-H,14.226)

and , knowing he had offended , <P_15> tels a jest <paren> for it was
his manner so to doe </paren> how a young man brake his codpiece point
, and let all be seene that God sent him , or such fooleries ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,15.227)

but that was not enough ; (ARMIN-E2-H,15.228)

and to chide him was to make of things worse then 't was , and to no
purpose neither . (ARMIN-E2-H,15.229)

Sir William demaunded why hee eate the pye ? (ARMIN-E2-H,15.230)

Because I had a stomacke , sayes Jack . (ARMIN-E2-H,15.231)

Would nought else serve , sayes the knight , but my pye ?
(ARMIN-E2-H,15.232)

No , Willy , sayes he , thou would not be angry then ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,15.233)

and the cooke had not been turned away : (ARMIN-E2-H,15.234)

but all is well - (ARMIN-E2-H,15.235)

thou art rich enough to buy more . (ARMIN-E2-H,15.236)

The knight , perceiving the fooles envie , sent for the cooke ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,15.237)

and bid him enjoy his place againe . (ARMIN-E2-H,15.238)

So all parties $were well pleased but the yong big-bellied woman , who
, perchance , longed for this long looked for pie ; (ARMIN-E2-H,15.239)

but if she did , though long lookt for comes at last , yet they shoote
short that ayme to hit this marke , (ARMIN-E2-H,15.240)

for Jack Oates had eaten the pie (ARMIN-E2-H,15.241)

and served himselfe . (ARMIN-E2-H,15.242)

This was a flat foole ; (ARMIN-E2-H,15.243)

yet , now and then , a blind man may hit a crow , (ARMIN-E2-H,15.244)

and you know a fooles boult is soone shot : (ARMIN-E2-H,15.245)

out it goes , happen-1 how it will . (ARMIN-E2-H,15.246)

Had Jack kept his owne counsell , the cooke had beene still out of
service , (ARMIN-E2-H,15.247)

and $he had been revenged , (ARMIN-E2-H,15.248)

but now , being in his place againe , may live to cry quittance for the
quince pye . (ARMIN-E2-H,15.249)

<P_42>

Will Sommers , in no little credit in the king's court , walking in the
parke at Greenwich , fell asleepe on the stile that leads into the walk
, (ARMIN-E2-H,42.251)

and many that would haue gone that way so much loued him , that they
were loth to disease him , (ARMIN-E2-H,42.252)

but went another way ; (ARMIN-E2-H,42.253)

I , the better sort , (ARMIN-E2-H,42.254)

for now adaies beggars are gallants , while gentiles of right blood
seeme tame ruffians ; (ARMIN-E2-H,42.255)

but note the loue Will Sommers got . (ARMIN-E2-H,42.256)

A poore woman , seeing him sleepe so dangerously , eyther to fal
backward , or to hurt his head leaning so against a post , fetcht him a
cushion and a rope ; the one for his head , and the other to bind him
to the post , from falling backward : (ARMIN-E2-H,42.257)

and thus hee slept , (ARMIN-E2-H,42.258)

and the woman stood by , attending as the groom of his chamber .
(ARMIN-E2-H,42.259)

It changed so , that upon great occasion , as you shall after heare ,
Will Sommers uncle came out of Shropshire to seeke him in the court ; a
plaine old man of threescore yeeres , with a buttoned cap , a lockram
falling band , course but cleane , a russet coat , a white belt of a
horse hide , right horse-coller white leather , a close , round breech
of russet sheeps wool , with a long stock of white kersey , a high shoe
with yelow buckles , all white with dust ; (ARMIN-E2-H,42.260)

for that day the good old man had come three and twenty miles on foot .
(ARMIN-E2-H,42.261)

This kinde old man , comming up in his countrys behalfe , and comming
into Greenwitch , asked the way to the court : (ARMIN-E2-H,42.262)

euery one directs him ; (ARMIN-E2-H,42.263)

but one villaine page directs him by the court gate , to crosse in a
boat over to Blackwal , (ARMIN-E2-H,42.264)

and told him that was the court . (ARMIN-E2-H,42.265)

The silly old man willingly paid his penny before hand ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,42.266)

and was going ouer ; (ARMIN-E2-H,42.267)

but some that ouer-heard their talk , hindered his journey
(ARMIN-E2-H,42.268)

and laughed <P_43> at the jest , (ARMIN-E2-H,43.269)

yet pitied his simplicitie , (ARMIN-E2-H,43.270)

and sets him in the right way . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.271)

When he came in and saw such a place , he was amazed ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.272)

and stood gazing , which the gard and gentlewomen , in their windows ,
had much sport to see . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.273)

At last one asked him what he was ? (ARMIN-E2-H,43.274)

The old man answeres , A poore Shropshire man ; (ARMIN-E2-H,43.275)

and demands if there were not a gentleman in the court dwelling ,
called by the name of M. Will Sommers ? (ARMIN-E2-H,43.276)

for the country hearing him in fauour in the court , said hee was so at
least . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.277)

The courtier answered , Here is such a one indeede .
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.278)

For fault of a worse , saies hee , I am his uncle ; (ARMIN-E2-H,43.279)

and wept with joy that hee should see him . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.280)

Marry , sayes the man , $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} help you to him straight ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.281)

for , I tell you , not any in the court durst but haue sought him ,
which this man did , (ARMIN-E2-H,43.282)

and it was told him . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.283)

Hee was walkt into the parke , while the king slept that hote day .
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.284)

Thether went they to seeke him . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.285)

All this while my friend Will was in counsel with the post ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.286)

and the cushion stood as arbitrator betwixte them , and the woman as a
witnesse what was said and done . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.287)

At last came these two (ARMIN-E2-H,43.288)

and wakened him . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.289)

William , seeing his head soft , What soft post $is {TEXT:in} this ?
quoth he . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.290)

A post of mine own making , saies the woman . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.291)

But she lost nothing by her good will ; (ARMIN-E2-H,43.292)

for ere shee left Will Sommers , shee got him to get her sons pardon of
the king , who was to bee hanged three days after for piracy :
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.293)

but by Will Sommers means he deceived the hang-man .
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.294)

This and many good deedes he did to diuers . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.295)

The foole , being wakened , lookes about him ; (ARMIN-E2-H,43.296)

when he had thanked the woman , asked what newes ? (ARMIN-E2-H,43.297)

sayes the man , Sir , here is your uncle come out of the country to see
you . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.298)

God a mercy cousin ! sayes Will Sommers ; (ARMIN-E2-H,43.299)

I thank thee for thy labour , (ARMIN-E2-H,43.300)

you $can $not {TEXT:cannot} uncle me so . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.301)

Yes , truly , sir , I am your own deare uncle , M. William ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.302)

and with that wept . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.303)

Are you my uncle ? sayes Will . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.304)

I , sir , sayes hee . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.305)

Are you my uncle ? sayes hee againe . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.306)

I , sure , and verely too . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.307)

But are you my uncle , indeed ? (ARMIN-E2-H,43.308)

By my vusse I am , sayes the old man . (ARMIN-E2-H,43.309)

Then , uncle , by my vusse , welcome to court , sayes Will Sommers .
(ARMIN-E2-H,43.310)

But what make you heere , uncle ? (ARMIN-E2-H,43.311)

He ups and tels his comming <P_44> to him . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.312)

Will takes him by the hand : (ARMIN-E2-H,44.313)

Come , saies hee , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.314)

thou shalt see Harry , onckle - the onely Harry in England ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,44.315)

so he led him to the chamber of presence , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.316)

and euer and anon cryes out , Aware , roome for me and my uncle !
(ARMIN-E2-H,44.317)

and knaues bid him welcome . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.318)

You are welcome , sir , said they : (ARMIN-E2-H,44.319)

the old man thought himselfe no earthly man , they honoured him so much
. (ARMIN-E2-H,44.320)

But Will , ready to enter the presence , lookes on his uncle ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,44.321)

and seeing him not fine enough to looke on the king : Come , uncle ,
sayes hee , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.322)

we will haue your geere mended ; (ARMIN-E2-H,44.323)

leads him to his chamber , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.324)

and attires him in his best fooles coate , simply , God wot , meaning
well to him ; (ARMIN-E2-H,44.325)

and the simple old man as simply put it on , cap and all .
(ARMIN-E2-H,44.326)

But they come ; (ARMIN-E2-H,44.327)

and up they came , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.328)

and to the king they goe , who , being with the lord treasurer alone ,
merry , seeing them two , how Will had got another foole , knew there
was sport at hand . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.329)

How now ! sayes the king , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.330)

What news with you ? (ARMIN-E2-H,44.331)

O , Harry ! sayes he , this is my owne uncle ; (ARMIN-E2-H,44.332)

bid him welcome . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.333)

Wel , said the king , he is welcome . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.334)

Harry , sayes hee , heare me tell thee a tale , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.335)

and I will make thee rich , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.336)

and my uncle shall be made rich by thee . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.337)

Will tels the king how Terrils Frith was inclosed . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.338)

Tirrels Frith ! sayes the king ; (ARMIN-E2-H,44.339)

what is that ? (ARMIN-E2-H,44.340)

Why , the heath where I was borne , called by the name of Tirrels Frith
: (ARMIN-E2-H,44.341)

now a gentleman of that name takes it all in , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.342)

and makes people beleeue it is all his , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.343)

for it took the name from him ; so that , Harry , the poore pine , and
their cattle are all undone without thy help . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.344)

And what should I doe ? sayes the king . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.345)

Marry , sayes Will , send to the Bishop of Hereford ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,44.346)

hee is a great man with Terril : (ARMIN-E2-H,44.347)

commaund him to set the Frith at liberty againe , who is now imprisoned
by his means . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.348)

And how shall I be rich by that ? sayes the king . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.349)

The poore will pray for thee , sayes Will ; (ARMIN-E2-H,44.350)

and thou shalt bee rich in heauen , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.351)

for on earth thou art rich already . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.352)

All this was done , (ARMIN-E2-H,44.353)

and Wills uncle went home , who , while he liued , for that deed was
allowed bayly of the common , which place was worth twenty pound a
yeere . (ARMIN-E2-H,44.354)

<P_45>

Howseuer , these three things it came in memory , and are for mirth
incerted into stage playes I know not , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.356)

but that Will Sommers asked them of the king , it is certaine :
(ARMIN-E2-H,45.357)

there are some will affirme it now living at Greenwich .
(ARMIN-E2-H,45.358)

The king being on a time extreame melancholy , and full of passion ,
all that Will could doe will not make him merry . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.359)

Ah ! sayes hee , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.360)

this must haue , must haue a good showre to clense it ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,45.361)

and with that goes behinde the arras . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.362)

Harry , saies hee , $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} $goe {TEXT:foe} behind the arras
, and study three questions , and come againe ; (ARMIN-E2-H,45.363)

see , therefore , you lay aside this melancloly muse , and study to
answere me . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.364)

I , quoth the king : (ARMIN-E2-H,45.365)

they will be wise ones , no doubt . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.366)

At last out comes William with his wit , as the foole of the play does
, with an anticke looke to please the beholders . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.367)

Harry , sayes hee , what is it , that the lesser it is , the more it is
to be feared ? (ARMIN-E2-H,45.368)

The king mused at it ; (ARMIN-E2-H,45.369)

but , to grace the jest better , he answered , he knew not .
(ARMIN-E2-H,45.370)

Will answered , it was a little bridge ouer a deepe riuer ; at which
hee smyled . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.371)

What is the next , William ? sayes the king . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.372)

Marry , this is the next : (ARMIN-E2-H,45.373)

what is the cleanliest trade in the world ? (ARMIN-E2-H,45.374)

Marry , sayes the king , I think a comfit-maker , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.375)

for hee deales with nothing but pure ware , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.376)

and is attired cleane in white linen when hee sels it .
(ARMIN-E2-H,45.377)

No , Harry , sayes <em> he to </em> the king ; (ARMIN-E2-H,45.378)

you are wide . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.379)

What say you , then ? quoth the king . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.380)

Marry , sayes Will , I say a durtdauber . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.381)

Out on it , says the king , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.382)

that is the foulest , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.383)

for hee is durty up to the elbows . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.384)

I , sayes Will ; (ARMIN-E2-H,45.385)

but then he washes him cleane againe , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.386)

and eats his meate cleanly enough . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.387)

I promise thee , Will , saies the king , thou hast a pretty foolish wit
. (ARMIN-E2-H,45.388)

I , Harry , saies he , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.389)

it will serue to make a wiser man than you a foole , $me $thinks
{TEXT:methinks} . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.390)

At this the king laught , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.391)

and demaunds the third question . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.392)

Now , tell me , saies Will , if you can , what it is that , being borne
without life , head , lippe , or eye , yet doth runne roaring through
the world till it dye . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.393)

This is a wonder , quoth the king , and no question ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,45.394)

I know it not . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.395)

Why , quoth Will , it is a fart . (ARMIN-E2-H,45.396)

At this the king laught hartely , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.397)

and was exceeding merry , (ARMIN-E2-H,45.398)

and bids Will aske any reasinable <P_46> thing , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.399)

and he would graunt it . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.400)

Thanks , Harry , saies he ; (ARMIN-E2-H,46.401)

now against I want , I know where to find it , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.402)

for yet I neede nothing , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.403)

but one day I shall , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.404)

for euery man sees his latter end , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.405)

but knows not his beginning . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.406)

The king understoode his meaning , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.407)

and so pleasantly departed for that season , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.408)

and Will laid him downe among the spaniels to sleepe .
(ARMIN-E2-H,46.409)

Of a time appointed the king dined at Windsor , in the chappel yard at
Cardinall Wolsey's , at the same time when he was building that
admirable worke of his tombe : at whose gate stoode a number of poore
people , to be serued with alms when dinner was done within ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,46.410)

and , as Will passed by , they saluted him , taking him for a worthy
personage , which pleased him . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.411)

In he comes , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.412)

and finding the king at dinner , and the cardinall by attending , to
disgrace him that he neuer loued , Harry , sayes hee ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,46.413)

lend me ten pound . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.414)

What to doe ? saies the king . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.415)

To pay three or foure of the cardinall's creditors , quoth hee , to
whom my word is past , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.416)

and they are come now for the money . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.417)

That thou shalt , Will , quoth hee . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.418)

Creditors of mine ? saies the cardinall : (ARMIN-E2-H,46.419)

$I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} give your grace my head if any man can justly aske
me a penny . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.420)

No ! saies Will . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.421)

Lend me ten pounds ; (ARMIN-E2-H,46.422)

if I pay it not where thou owest it , $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} give thee
twenty for it . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.423)

Doe so , saies the king . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.424)

That I will , my liege , saies the cardinall , though I know I owe none
. (ARMIN-E2-H,46.425)

With that he lends Will ten pounds . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.426)

Will goes to the gate , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.427)

distributes it to the poore , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.428)

and brought the empty bag . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.429)

There is thy bag againe , saies hee : (ARMIN-E2-H,46.430)

thy creditors are satisfied , and my word out of danger .
(ARMIN-E2-H,46.431)

Who received ? sayes the king ; (ARMIN-E2-H,46.432)

the brewer or the baker ? (ARMIN-E2-H,46.433)

Neyther <paren> Harry </paren> , sayes Will Sommers .
(ARMIN-E2-H,46.434)

But , cardinall , answere me in one thing : (ARMIN-E2-H,46.435)

to whom dost thou owe thy soule ? (ARMIN-E2-H,46.436)

To God , quoth hee . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.437)

To whom thy wealth ? (ARMIN-E2-H,46.438)

To the poore , sayes hee . (ARMIN-E2-H,46.439)

Take thy forfeit <paren> Harry </paren> sayes the foole ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,46.440)

open confession , open penance : (ARMIN-E2-H,46.441)

his head is thine , (ARMIN-E2-H,46.442)

for to the poore at the gate I paid his debt , which hee yeelds is due
: (ARMIN-E2-H,46.443)

or if thy stony heart will not yeeld it so , saue thy head by denying
thy <P_47> word , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.444)

and lend it mee : (ARMIN-E2-H,47.445)

thou knowest I am poore , and haue neyther wealth nor wit ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.446)

and what thou lendest to the poore God will pay thee ten fold ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.447)

he is my surety - (ARMIN-E2-H,47.448)

arrest him - (ARMIN-E2-H,47.449)

for , by my troth , hang mee when I pay thee . (ARMIN-E2-H,47.450)

The king laught at the jest , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.451)

and so did the cardinall for a shew , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.452)

but it grieved him to jest away ten pound so : (ARMIN-E2-H,47.453)

yet worse tricks then this Will Sommers serued him after ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.454)

for indeede hee could neuer abide him , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.455)

and the forfeiture of his head had liked to haue beene payed , had hee
not poysoned himselfe . (ARMIN-E2-H,47.456)

There was in the time of Will Sommers another artificiall foole , or
jester , in the court , whose subtiltie heapt up wealth by gifts giuen
him , for which Will Sommers could neuer abide him ;
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.457)

but , indeede , lightly one foole $can $not {TEXT:cannot} indure the
sight of another , as Jack Oates , the minstrell , in the fat foole's
story , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.458)

and one beggar is woe that another by the doore should goe .
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.459)

This jester was a big man , of a great voyce , long black locks , and a
verry big , round beard . (ARMIN-E2-H,47.460)

On a time , of purpose , Will Sommers watcht to disgrace him , when he
was jugling and jesting before the king . (ARMIN-E2-H,47.461)

Will Sommers brings up a messe of milke and a manchet :
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.462)

Harry , saies hee , lend me a spoone . (ARMIN-E2-H,47.463)

Foole , saies the jester , use thy hands , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.464)

helpe hands , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.465)

for I haue no lands , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.466)

and meant , that saying would warrant his grose feeding .
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.467)

I , saies Will Sommers , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.468)

beasts will doe so , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.469)

and beasts will bid others doe as they doe themselves .
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.470)

Will , said the king , thou knowest I haue none . (ARMIN-E2-H,47.471)

True Harry , saies hee , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.472)

I know that , (ARMIN-E2-H,47.473)

therefore I askt thee ; (ARMIN-E2-H,47.474)

and I would <paren> but for doing thee harme </paren> thou hadst no
tongue to grant that foole his next sute ; (ARMIN-E2-H,47.475)

but I must eate my creame some way . (ARMIN-E2-H,47.476)

The king , the jester , and all gathers about him to see him eate it .
(ARMIN-E2-H,47.477)

Will begins thus to rime ouer his milk : {COM:verse_omitted} <P_48>
Meaning the foole , in whose beard and head the bread and milk was
thicke sowne , and his eyes almost put out . (ARMIN-E2-H,48.478)

Will Sommers hee gets him gone for feare . (ARMIN-E2-H,48.479)

This lusty jester , forgetting himself , in fury draws his dagger ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,48.480)

and begings to protest . (ARMIN-E2-H,48.481)

Nay ; saies the king , (ARMIN-E2-H,48.482)

are ye so hote ? (ARMIN-E2-H,48.483)

claps him fast , (ARMIN-E2-H,48.484)

and , though hee draws his dagger here , makes him put it up in another
place . (ARMIN-E2-H,48.485)

The poore abused jester was jested out of countenance ,
(ARMIN-E2-H,48.486)

and lay in durance a great while , till Will Sommers was faine , after
he broke his head , to giue him a plaister , to get him out againe .
(ARMIN-E2-H,48.487)

But neuer after came my jugler in the court moore so neere the king ,
being such a dangerous man to draw in the presence of the king .
(ARMIN-E2-H,48.488)