. (LOCKE-E3-H,44.2) Let his bed be hard and rather quilts then feathers . (LOCKE-E3-H,44.3) Hard lodging strengthens the parts whereas being buried every night in feathers melts and dissolves the body and is often the cause of weakenesse and the forerunner of an early grave , and besides the stone which has commonly its rise from this warme wraping of the reins . (LOCKE-E3-H,44.4) Severall other indispositions and that which is the root of them all a tender weakely constitution is very much oweing to downe beds . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.5) Besides he that is used to hard lodging at home will not misse his sleep where he has most need of it when he travells abroad for want of his soft bed and his pillars laid in order , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.6) and therefore I thinke it would not be amisse to make his bed after different fashons . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.7) Sometimes lay his head higher sometimes lower , that he may not feele every litle change he must be sure to meet with , who is not designed to lye alwayes in my young masters bed at home and to have his maid to lay all things in print and tuck him in warme . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.8) The great cordiall of nature is sleepe , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.9) he that misses it will suffer by it , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.10) and he is very unfortunate who can take his cordiall only in his mothers guilt cup and not in a wooden dish . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.11) He that can sleepe soundly takes the cordial (LOCKE-E3-H,45.12) and matters not whether it be on a soft bed or on the hard boards , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.13) $'t $is {TEXT:tis} sleepe only that is the thing necessary . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.14) 21 . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.15) One thing more there is which has a great influence upon the health , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.16) and that is goeing to stoole regularly . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.17) People that are very loose have seldome strong thoughts or strong bodies , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.18) but the cure of this both-1 by diet and medecine being much more easy then the contrary evill there needs not much to be said about it , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.19) for if loosnesse come to threaten either-1 by $its violence or duration it will soone enough and sometimes too soone make a phisitian be sent for , (LOCKE-E3-H,45.20) and if it be moderate and short it is commonly best to leave it to nature . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.21) On the other side costiveness has too its ill effects (LOCKE-E3-H,45.22) and is much harder to be dealt with by physique , purgeing medicines which seeme to give releife rather increasing then removeing the evill . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.23) 22 . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.24) It haveing been an inconvenience that my owne natural constitution disposed me to , I would have been glad of a cure . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.25) Not findeing it in books I set my thoughts on worke beleiveing that greater changes then that might be made in our bodys if we tooke the right course and proceeded by rationall steps . (LOCKE-E3-H,45.26) 23 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.28) 1 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.29) Then I considerd that goeing to stoole was the effect of certaine motions of the body espetially of the peristaltique motion of the guts . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.30) 24 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.31) 2 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.32) I considerd that several motions that were not perfectly voluntary might yet by use and constant application be brought to be habitual if by any unintermitted custome it were at certaine seasons endeavourd to be constantly produced . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.33) 25 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.34) 3 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.35) I had observed some men who by takeing after supper a pipe of tobacco never failed of a stoole and begun to doubt with myself whether it were not more custome then the tobacco that gave them that benefit of nature (LOCKE-E3-H,46.36) or at least if the tobacco did it it was rather by exciteing a vigorous motion in the guts then by any purging quality , (LOCKE-E3-H,46.37) for then it would have had other effects . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.38) 26 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.39) Haveing thus once got the opinion that it was possible to make it habituall , the next thing was to consider what way and meanes was the likeliest to obteine it . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.40) 27 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.41) 4 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.42) Then I guessd that if a man after his first eating in the morning would presently solicit nature and trye whether he could strain himself soe as to obteine a stoole , he might in time by a constant application bring it to be habituall . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.43) The reasons that made me choose this time was 1. because the stomach being then empty , if it received any thing gratefull to it for I would never have any one $eat but what he likes and when he has an appetite it was apt to imbrace it close by a strong constriction of its fibres , which constriction I was apt to thinke might probably be continued on in the guts and soe increase their peristaltique motion , as we see in the Ileus that an inverted motion being begun anywhere below continues itself all the whole length and makes even the stomach obey that irregular motion . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.44) 2 . (LOCKE-E3-H,46.45) because when men eat they usualy relax their thoughts (LOCKE-E3-H,46.46) $and {TEXT:on} the Spirits then free from other imployments are more vigorously distributed in the lower belly , which thereby contribute to the same effect . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.47) 3 . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.48) Because when ever men have leisure to eat they have leisure enough also to make soe much court to Madam Cloacina as would be necessary to our present purpose , (LOCKE-E3-H,47.49) but else in the variety of humane affairs and accidents it was impossible to affix it to any hower certain , whereby the custome would be interrupted , whereas men in health seldome failing to eat once a day , though the hower changed the custome might still be preservd . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.50) 28 . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.51) Upon these grounds I proceeded to make an Experiment in myself (LOCKE-E3-H,47.52) and therefore constantly after my first eating which was seldome till dinner I went to the necessary house whether I found myself cald or noe (LOCKE-E3-H,47.53) and there endeavourd to put nature upon her duty . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.54) I $can $not {TEXT:cannot} tell what success I had in the begining , it being now a long time since , (LOCKE-E3-H,47.55) but this I am sure that I got such an habit of goeing to stoole that I doe not now once in a month faile of it after my first eating , though sometimes the hower very much alters , unlesse it be by my own neglect , (LOCKE-E3-H,47.56) for whether I have any motion or noe if I goe to the place and doe my part , I am sure to have nature very obedient , (LOCKE-E3-H,47.57) and this I thinke any one else may doe that will at first but take constantly a litle pains with himself . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.58) 29 . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.59) I would therefore advise you that this course should be taken with your Son . (LOCKE-E3-H,47.60) Every day presently after he has eaten his breakefast let him be set upon the stoole as if disburthening were in his power as much as filling his belly , (LOCKE-E3-H,47.61) and let not him nor his maid know anything to the contrary but that it is soe , (LOCKE-E3-H,47.62) and if he be forced to endeavour by being hinderd from his play or eating again till he has been effectually at stool or at least donne his utmost I doubt not but in a litle while it will become habituall to him , (LOCKE-E3-H,48.63) for children that are usually intent on their play and very heedlesse of any thing else , often let passe these motions of nature when she calls on them but gently , which often not being repeated they doe by degrees bring themselves into an habituall costivenesse . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.64) . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.65) How far you will thinke this worth tryall in your owne health I $can $not {TEXT:cannot} tell , (LOCKE-E3-H,48.66) this I am sure (LOCKE-E3-H,48.67) if you need it it may $not be disadvantageous to you , (LOCKE-E3-H,48.68) and if any one goes to stoole once in 24 howers I thinke it enough . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.69) 31 . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.70) This is all I have to trouble you with concerning his management in the ordinary course of his health . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.71) Perhaps it will be expected from me that I should give him some directions of physick to prevent diseases . For which I have only this one very sacredly to be observed , never to give children any physick for prevention . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.72) The rules I have already given will I suppose doe that better than all the Apothecarys shops and medicines in the County ; (LOCKE-E3-H,48.73) have a great care of tampering that way , least instead of preventing you draw on diseases . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.74) Nor even upon every litle indisposition is physick to be given or the physitian to be cald , espetially if he be a busyman that will presently fill their windows with gally pots and their stomachs with drugs . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.75) It is safer to leave them wholy to nature then to put them into the hands of one forward to tamper or that thinkes children are to be curd in ordinary distempers by any thing but diet or by a method very litle distant from it , it seeming suitable both-4 to my reason and experience that the tender constitutions of children should have as litle donne to them as is possible and as the absolute necessity of the case requires . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.76) A litle cold stild red popywater which is the true surfet water , with ease and abstinence from flesh , often puts an end to several distempers in the beginning which by too forward applications might have been made lusty diseases . (LOCKE-E3-H,48.77) When such a gentle treatment will not prevent the growing mischeife but that it will turne into a formed disease , to which your children are as well liable as others , it will be time to seeke the advice of some sober discreet physitian . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.79) In this part I hope I shall finde easy beleive (LOCKE-E3-H,49.80) and noe body can have a pretence to doubt of a physitians advice when he counsells you not to be too forwards in makeing use of physick and physitians . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.81) 32 . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.82) And thus I have donne with what concernes the body and health , which reduces itself to these few and easily observeable rules , plenty of open air and sleepe , plain diet , noe wine nor strong drinke , and very litle or noe physick , not too warme or strait clothing , espetially the head and feet kept cold and the feet often used to cold water and exposed to wet . Due care being had to keepe the body in strength and vigour , soe that it may be able to obey and execute the orders of the minde . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.83) The next and principall businesse is to set the minde right , that in all occasions it may be disposed to doe noething but what may be suitable to the dignity and exellency of a rationall creature . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.84) 33 . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.85) If what I have said in the begining of this discourse be true as I doe not doubt but it is , viz. That the differences to be found in the manners and abilitys of men is oweing more to their Education then anything else , we have reason to conclude that great care is to be had of the formeing childrens mindes and giveing them that season early which shall influence their lives always after . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.86) For when they doe well or ill the praise or blame will be laid there . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.87) And when any thing is donne untowardly the common saying will passe upon them , That it is suitable to their breeding . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.88) 34 . (LOCKE-E3-H,49.89) As the strength of the body lies chiefely in being able to endure hardships , soe also does that of the minde . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.90) And the great principle and foundation of all vertue and worth is placed in this , That a man is able to deny himself his owne desires , crosse his owne inclinations , and purely follow what reason directs as best though the appetite leane the other way . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.91) 35 . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.92) The great mistake I have observed in peoples breeding children has been that this has not been taken care enough of in its due season . That the minde has not been made obedient to rules and pliant to reason when at first it was most tender , most easy to be bowed . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.93) Parents being wisely ordend by nature to love their children are very apt , if reason watch not their natural affection very warily , are apt I say to let it run into fondnesse . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.94) $They love their litle ones (LOCKE-E3-H,50.95) and $'t $is {TEXT:tis} their duty , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.96) but they often with them cherish their fault too . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.97) They must not be crossed forsooth , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.98) they must be permitted to have their wills in all things , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.99) and they being in their infancys not capeable of great views their parents thinke they may safely enough indulge their litle irregularitys and make themselves sport with that pretty perversnesse which they thinke well enough becomes that innocent age . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.100) But Solon very well replyd to a fond parent that would not have his child corrected for a perverse trik but excused it saying $'t $was {TEXT:twas} a small matter , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.101) ay said Solon but custome is a great one . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.102) 36 . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.103) The fondling must be taught to stricke and call names , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.104) must have what he cryes for , and doe what he pleases . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.105) Thus parents by humoring and cockering them when litle corrupt the principles of nature in their children , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.106) and wonder afterwards to taste the bitter waters when they themselves have poisond the fountains . (LOCKE-E3-H,50.107) For when the children are grown up and these ill habits with them , when they are now too big to be dandled and their parents can noe longer make use of them as play things , then they complain that the brats are untoward , perverse , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.108) then they are offended to see them willfull , (LOCKE-E3-H,50.109) and are troubled with these ill humors which they themselves inspired and cherishd in them , (LOCKE-E3-H,51.111) and then perhaps too late would be glad to get out those weeds which their own hands have planted and which now have taken too deep root to be easily extirpated . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.112) For he that has been used to have his will in every thing as long as he has been in coats , why should we thinke it strange that he should desire and contend for it still when he is in breetches . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.113) Indeed as he grows more towards a man , it shows his faults the more , soe that there be few parents then soe blinde as not to see them , soe insensible as not to feele the ill effects of their owne indulgence . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.114) He had the will of his maid before he could speake or goe , (LOCKE-E3-H,51.115) he had the mastery of his parents ever since he could prattle , (LOCKE-E3-H,51.116) and why now he is grown up , is stronger and wiser then he was then , why now of a suddain must he be restraind and curbd , (LOCKE-E3-H,51.117) why must he at 7 , 14 , or yeares old loose the priviledg which the parents indulgence till then soe largely allowd him ? (LOCKE-E3-H,51.118) Trye it in a Dog or an horse or any other creature , (LOCKE-E3-H,51.119) and see whether the ill and resty triks they have learnt when young are easily to be mended when they are knit , (LOCKE-E3-H,51.120) and yet none of these creatures are half soe willfull and proud , are half so desirous to be masters of themselves and others , as man . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.121) 37 . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.122) We are generally wise enough to begin with them when they are very young (LOCKE-E3-H,51.123) and discipline betimes those other creatures we would make usefull to us . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.124) They are only our ofspring that we neglect in this point (LOCKE-E3-H,51.125) and haveing made them ill children we foolishly expect they should be good men . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.126) For if the child must $have wine and sugar plumbs when he has a minde to it rather then make the poore baby cry or be out of humour , why when he is grown up must not $he be satisfied too if his desires carry him to wine or women ? (LOCKE-E3-H,51.127) They are objects as suitable to the longing of that age as what he cried for when litle was to the inclination of a child . (LOCKE-E3-H,51.128) The fault lies not in haveing desires suitable to the apprehensions and appetites of these severall ages but in the not haveing them subject to the rules and restraints of reason . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.129) The difference lies not in the haveing or not haveing appetites but in the power to govern and deny our selves in them . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.130) And he that is not used to submit his will to the reason of others when he is young will scarce hearken or submit to his owne reason when he is of an age to make use of it . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.131) And what a kinde of man such a one is like to make is easy to forsee . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.132) 38 . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.133) I looke upon it then that the principall of all vertue and Excellency lyies in a power of denying our selves the satisfaction of our own desires where reason does not authorize them . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.134) This power is to be got and improved by custome , made easy and familiar by an early practise . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.135) If therefore I might be heard I would advise that contrary to the ordinary way children should be used to submit their desires and goe without their longings even from their very cradles . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.136) From the time that they began to understand any thing they should be taught to know that they were not to have any thing because it pleased them , but because it was thought fit for them . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.137) If things suitable to their wants were supplied to them soe that they were never sufferd to have any thing because they cried for it , they would learne to be content without it , (LOCKE-E3-H,52.138) would never crye for mastery , nor never be half soe uneasy to themselves and others as they are because from the first begining they are not thus handled . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.139) If they were never sufferd to obteine any thing by the impatience they expresse for it , they would noe more crye for other things then they doe for the moon . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.140) 39 . (LOCKE-E3-H,52.141) I say not this as if children were not to be indulged in any thing , or that I expected they should in hanging sleeves have the reason and conduct of counsellors . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.142) I consider them as children that must be tenderly used , that must play and have play things . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.143) That which I meane is that when ever they desire any thing not fit for them to have or doe , they should not be permitted it because they were litle and desird it . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.144) Nay what they once craved , were importunate for , or once cried for , they should be sure for that very reason to be denyd . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.145) I have seen children at a Table who what ever was there never asked for any thing but contentedly tooke what was given them , (LOCKE-E3-H,53.146) and at another place I have seen others cry for every thing they saw , (LOCKE-E3-H,53.147) must be served out of every dish , and that first too . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.148) What made this vast difference but that one was accustomd to have what he cald or cried for , the other to goe without it . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.149) The younger they are , the lesse I say are there unruly and disorderly appetites to be complyd with , (LOCKE-E3-H,53.150) and the lesse reason they have of their owne , the more are they to be under the absolute power and restraint of those in whose hands they are . From which I confesse it will follow that none but discreet people should be about them . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.151) If the world commonly does otherwise I $can $not {TEXT:cannot} help that , (LOCKE-E3-H,53.152) I am telling you what I thinke should be , which if it were already in fashon I thinke I need not trouble you with such a discourse as this . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.153) And I beleive when you have considerd of it you will be of opinion with me that the sooner this way is begun with children the easier it will be for them and their governours too . And that this ought to be observd as an inviolable maxime that what ever once is denied them they are certainly not to obteine by crying or importunity unlesse one has a minde to teach them to be impatient importunate and troublesome by rewarding them when they are soe . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.154) . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.155) I advise you therefore if you intend ever to governe your son to begin it now . (LOCKE-E3-H,53.156) Let the rules you prescribe him and what you say be inviolably observed . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.157) If you will have him have the obedience of a son hereafter doe you be sure to keep and shew the authority of a father now , (LOCKE-E3-H,54.158) if you would have him stand in awe of you imprint it presently , (LOCKE-E3-H,54.159) and as he approaches more to a man admit him nearer to your familiarity , (LOCKE-E3-H,54.160) so shall you have him your obedient subject as is fit whilst he is a child , and your affectionate freind when he is a man . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.161) For $me $thinks {TEXT:methinkes} they misplace mightily the treatment due to their children who are indulgent and familiar when they are litle , but severe to them and keep a distance when they are grown up . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.162) For liberty and indulgence can doe noe good to children , (LOCKE-E3-H,54.163) their want of judgment makes them stand in need of restraint and discipline , (LOCKE-E3-H,54.164) and on the contrary imperiousnesse and severity is but an ill way of treating of men who have reason of their owne to guide them , unlesse you have a minde to make your children when grown up weary of you and secretly to say dayly within themselves , when will you die , father . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.165) 41 . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.166) I imagin every one will judg it reasonable that their children when litle should looke upon their parents as their Lords , their absolute Governors , and as such stand in awe of them . And that when they are grown up they should looke on them as their best and their only sure freinds , and as such love and reverence them . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.167) The way I have mentiond , if I mistake not , is the only one to obteine this , (LOCKE-E3-H,54.168) we must looke upon our children when grown up to be like to our selves , with the same passions , the same desires . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.169) We would be thought rational creatures and have our freedome , (LOCKE-E3-H,54.170) we love not to be uneasy under the constant rebukes and browbeatings , the severe humors and great distance of those we converse with . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.171) Who ever is soe when he is a man will looke out other Company , other freinds , other conversation , with whom he can be at ease . (LOCKE-E3-H,54.172) If therefore a strict hand be kept over children from the begining they will in that age be tractable and quietly submit to it , as never haveing known any other , (LOCKE-E3-H,55.173) and if as they grow up to the use of reason the rigor of government be as they deserve it gently relaxed , the fathers brow be more smoothed to them , and the distance by degrees abated , his former restraints will increase their love when they finde it was only a kindenesse to them and a care to make them capable to deserve the favour of their parents and the esteeme of everybody else . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.174) 42 . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.175) Thus much for the method of your discipline in generall . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.176) If you thinke a strict hand at all is to be held upon children I thinke it should be most soe when they are youngest , from the time they are capable of understanding any thing . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.177) Feare and awe ought to give you the first power over their mindes , and Love and Freindship in riper years to hold it . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.178) For the time must come when they will be past the rod and correction , (LOCKE-E3-H,55.179) and then if the Love of you make them not obedient and dutifull , if the Love of vertue and reputation keepe them not in laudible courses , I aske what hold will you have then upon them to turne them to it . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.180) Indeed feare of haveing a scanty portion if they displease you may make them slaves to your estate , (LOCKE-E3-H,55.181) but they will never the lesse be ill and wiked in private , (LOCKE-E3-H,55.182) and that restraint will not last always . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.183) Every man must some time or other be trusted to himself and his own conduct , (LOCKE-E3-H,55.184) and he that is a good , a vertuous , an able man must be made soe within , (LOCKE-E3-H,55.185) and therefore what he is to receive from Education , what is to sway and influence his life , must be something put into him betimes , habits woven into the very principles of his nature , and not a counterfeit carriage and dissembled outside put on by feare only to avoid the present anger of a father who perhaps may disinherit him . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.186) 43 . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.187) This being laid downe in general as the method ought to be taken , $'t $is {TEXT:tis} fit we now come to particulars . (LOCKE-E3-H,55.188) I have spoke soe much of carrying a strict hand over children that perhaps I shall be suspected of not considering enough what is due to their tender ages and constitutions , (LOCKE-E3-H,56.189) but that opinion will vanish when you have heard me a litle further . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.190) For I am very apt to thinke that great severity of punishment does but very litle good , nay great harme , in Education , (LOCKE-E3-H,56.191) and I beleive it will be found that caetris paribus those children who have been most chastised seldome make the best men . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.192) All that I have hitherto contended for is that whatsoever rigor is necessary it is more to be used the younger children are , and haveing by a due application wrought its due effect is to be relaxd and changed into a milder sort of government . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.193) The first thing parents are to doe is to get an awe upon the mindes of their children and then by that and not by blowes to bring them to submit their will perfectly to theirs . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.194) 44 . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.195) First then I would have children very seldome beaten . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.196) $'T $is {TEXT:Tis} to make slaves and not vertuous men to use them to be governd by the feare of the scourge , and to know noe other motive of their actions , noe other rule of right and wrong but the cudgle . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.197) Two faults and only two there be that I would have them whipd for to give them the greater abhorrence of them , (LOCKE-E3-H,56.198) and that is Lyeing and obstinacy or rebellion , (LOCKE-E3-H,56.199) and in these two I would have it orderd soe that the shame of the whiping and not the pain should be the greatest part of the punishment . (LOCKE-E3-H,56.200) Shame of doeing amisse and deserving chastisement is the only true restraint belonging to vertue , (LOCKE-E3-H,56.201) the smart of a rod if shame accompanies it not soon weares out , (LOCKE-E3-H,56.202) and will quickly by use loose its terror , (LOCKE-E3-H,56.203) and I have known the children of a person of quality kept in awe by the feare of haveing their shoes puld off , as much as others by apprehensions of a rod hangeing over them , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.204) and some such punishment I thinke better then beating , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.205) for $'t $is {TEXT:tis} shame of the fault and the disgrace that attends it that they should stand in feare of , rather then paine , if you would have them have a temper truely ingenuous . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.206) 45 . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.207) A lie is so ill a quality and the mother of soe many ill ones that spawn from it and take shelter under it that I would have a child be bread up in the greatest abhorrence and detestation of it imaginable . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.208) It should be deeply imprinted on his minde that it is soe base a thing , soe great a fault , that it is against all custome and practise , against common sense to pardon it in a $gentleman , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.209) and therefor it being a fault that none but tinkers and coblers , rogues and beggerboys commit , he is not ever to expect impunity if he be ever guilty of it . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.210) 46 . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.211) Another thing that will require punishment is stubbornesse and an obstinate disobedience . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.212) Whatever particular action you bid him at present doe or forbeare you must be sure to see yourself obeyd . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.213) Noe quarter in this case , noe resistance , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.214) for when it once come to be a triall of skill and contest for mastery as if you command and he refuses it is between you you must be sure to carry it whatever blows it cost , if a nod or words will not prevaile ; unlesse for ever after you intend to live in obedience to your son . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.215) But here lies the difference between these two faults and the ways of reforming them . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.216) A lie unlesse it be very grosse you need not always seeme to take notice of , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.217) and soe trye to give him an abhorrence of it by gentler ways , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.218) but obstinancy being an open defiance you $can $not {TEXT:cannot} overlooke , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.219) and since the occasions of punishment , espetially beating , are as much to be avoided as may be , I would not have it often brought to this point . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.220) If the awe I spoke of be once got , a looke will be sufficient in most cases , (LOCKE-E3-H,57.221) nor indeed should the same carriage be expected from young children as from those of riper years . (LOCKE-E3-H,57.222) They must be permitted the foolish and childish actions suitable to their ages without takeing notice of them . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.223) I thinke the severity I spoke of is not to extend itself to such an unseasonable restraint . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.224) Keep them from vice and vicious dispositions (LOCKE-E3-H,58.225) and such a kinde of behaviour in generall will come with every degree of their age as is suitable to that age and the company they ordinarily converse with . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.226) But that your words may always carry weight and authority with them , if it shall happen upon any occasion that you bid him leave off the doeing of any even childish thing you must be sure to carry the point and not let him have the mastery . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.227) But yet I say I would have the father seldome interpose his authority and command in these cases . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.228) I thinke there are better ways of prevailing with them , (LOCKE-E3-H,58.229) and a gentle perswasion and reasoning when the first point of submission to your will is got will most times doe much better . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.230) You will perhaps wonder to finde me mention reasoning with children , (LOCKE-E3-H,58.231) and yet I $can $not {TEXT:cannot} but thinke that the true way of dealing with them . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.232) They understand it as early as they doe language , (LOCKE-E3-H,58.233) and if I misobserve not they love to be treated as rational creatures sooner then is imagind . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.234) $'T $is {TEXT:Tis} a pride should be cherishd in them and , as much as can be , made the great instrument to traine them by . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.235) 47 . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.236) It may be doubted concerning whiping , when as the last remedy it comes to be necessary , at what time and by whom it should be donne , whether presently upon the commiting of the fault whilst it is yet fresh and hot , and whether the parents themselves should beat their children . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.237) As to the first I thinke it should not be donne presently , least passion mingle with it , and soe though it exceed the just proportion yet it loose the authority , (LOCKE-E3-H,58.238) for even children discerne when we doe things in passion , (LOCKE-E3-H,58.239) but as I said before that has most weight with them that appeares sedately to come from their parents reason , (LOCKE-E3-H,58.240) and they are not without this destinction . (LOCKE-E3-H,58.241) Next if you have any discreet servant capable of it and has the place of governing your childe I thinke it is best the smart should come more immediately from another hand though by the parents order , who should see it donne , whereby the parents authority will be preservd and the childs aversion for the pain it suffers be rather turned on the person that immediately inflicts it . (LOCKE-E3-H,59.242) For I would have a father seldome stricke his childe but upon very urgent necessity and as the last remedy , (LOCKE-E3-H,59.243) and then perhaps it will be fit to doe it soe that the childe should not quickly forget it . (LOCKE-E3-H,59.244) But as I said before beating is the worst and therefore the last meanes to be used in the correction of children , and therefore never but in cases of extremitys and that very very seldome . (LOCKE-E3-H,59.245)