<P_5>

<heading>

A NEST OF NINNIES . (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.3)

</heading>

The World , wanton sick , as one surfetting on sinne <paren> in morning
pleasures , noone banquets , after riots , night moriscoes , midnights
modicoms , and abundance of trash trickt up to all turbulent reuellings
</paren> is now leaning on her elbow , deuising what doctour may
deliuer her , what phisicke may free her , and what antidotes may
antissipate so dangerous a dolemma : (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.5)

shee now begins to grow bucksome as a lightning before death ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,5.6)

and , gad , she will - (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.7)

riches , her chamberlaine , could not keepe her in ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.8)

beauty , her bed-fellow , was bold to perswade her ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.9)

and sleepy securitie , mother of all mischiefe - tut , her prayers was
but meere prattle : (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.10)

out she would , (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.11)

tucks up her trinkets , like a Dutch tannikin sliding to market on the
ise , (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.12)

and away she flings - (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.13)

and whither thinck you ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.14)

{COM:verse_omitted}

shee daines her a friendly eye ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,5.16)

but , of all , into a philosophers cell , who , because he was alwayes
poking at Fortune with his forefinger , the wise wittely namde him
Sotto , as one besotted - a grumbling sir ; one that was wise enough ,
and fond enough , and solde all for a glasse prospective , because he
would wisely see into all men but himselfe , a fault generall in most ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,5.17)

but <P_6> such was his , who thus busied , was tooke napping by the
weale publike , who smiles upon him with a wapper eye , a iealous
countenance , and bids him all haile ! (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.18)

Mistresse <paren> sayes Sotto </paren> I will not say welcome , because
you come ill to him that would bee alone ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.19)

but , since you are come , looke for such entertainement as my folly
fits you with , that is , sharp sauce with bitter dyet ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,6.20)

no swetnes at al , (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.21)

for that were to mingle your pils with sugar : (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.22)

no , I am all one , winter in the head , and frost in the foot ; no
summer in me but my smiles , and that as soone gone as smiles .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,6.23)

The bauble I play with is mens estates , which I so tumble from hand to
hand , that , weary with it , I see <paren> gluttingly and grieuedly ,
yet mingled with smiles too </paren> in my glasse prospectiue what
shall become of it . (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.24)

The World , curling her locks with her fingers , and anone scratching
her braine with her itching pin , as one little regarding , answeres ,
What then ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.25)

Marry , sayes Hodge , $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} show thee . (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.26)

See , World , in whose bosome euer hath abundance beene poured , what
thy imps of impiety bee ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.27)

for as they <paren> I </paren> all for the most part , as these which I
will present to thee in my glasse prospectiue : (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.28)

mark them well , (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.29)

and see what thou breedest in thy wantonnesse , sixe children like thee
, not the father that begat them - (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.30)

Where were they nursed ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.31)

in folly : fed with the flottin milke of nicetie and wantonnesse ,
curdled in thy wombe of water and bloud , vnseasoned , because thy
mother bearing temper was euer vntrue , farre from the rellish of right
breede ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.32)

and it is hard that the taste of one apple should distaste the whole
lumpe of this defused chaios . (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.33)

But marke me and my glasse : (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.34)

see into some <paren> and in them thy selfe </paren> whom I haue
discride , or describde , these sixe parts of folly in thee ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,6.35)

thou shalt see them as cleare as day , how mistic thy clouds be , and
what rancknesse raines from them . (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.36)

The World , queasie stomackt , as one fed with the earth's nectar and
delicates , with the remembrance of her own appetite , squinies at this
, (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.37)

and lookes as one scorning ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,6.38)

yet beholding what will follow , at length espies a tall blacke man ,
jearing <P_7> like himselfe , a foole in motley , muckinder hunge ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,7.39)

euer and anon wipes his nose ; at whose girdle hangde a small black
jack of a quart , his vsual draft ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,7.40)

his finger on his tongue , as if he blamde Nature that cut not the
strings of it in more large manner , (ARMIN-E2-P1,7.41)

but hindred by defect , hee still did gesse at wisedome , though
seldome attaining it . (ARMIN-E2-P1,7.42)

Well , he was gouty , bigge , poste legged and of yeeres something many
, as in the right sequell followeth : (ARMIN-E2-P1,7.43)

{COM:verse_omitted}

The World , ready to disgorge at so homely a present , askt if it were
possible such breathde hers to commaunde ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,7.45)

Oh , <P_8> saith our philosophicall Hodge , beare his iests , and what
an vnknowne habite liues in him , (ARMIN-E2-P1,8.46)

then returne iudgement . (ARMIN-E2-P1,8.47)

Marke our application . (ARMIN-E2-P1,8.48)

{COM:insert_helsinki_sample_1_here}

<P_15>

These , quoth the World , are pretty toyes . (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.51)

I , quoth the philosopher , (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.52)

but marke the applyance . (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.53)

By Jack Oates is morrally meant many described like him ; though not
fooles naturall , yet most artificiall : (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.54)

they carde hence what their parents spin , (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.55)

and doe such apish tricks , that rapine ; ruine , and a thousand
inconveniences , follow . (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.56)

By the knight is meant maintainers of foolery : by the hall , the inne
where the cards of vanity causeth many to be bewitcht ; as appears in
the serving men , who , busie in others braules , are as easily made
friends , as they were set together by the ears . (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.57)

By the second is meant <em> those who </em> reach at stars , ayming at
honour , lighting sometime on the eare of memory , (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.58)

but ill taken because badly meant - is rewarded with a deserved
whipping . (ARMIN-E2-P1,15.59)

By the third is called to question most that musically fret their time
out in idle baubling , and will become <P_16> artificiall fooles to
outbraue fooles indeede , but stick often in their owne quick-sands ,
and are got out with repentance . (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.60)

But the fourth and last shews the deuouring of deuoutions dyet how euer
come by , (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.61)

yet they will stand up to the arme-pits in daunger rather than to lack
their wills , to slacke or rebate the edge of their appetites .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,16.62)

With this the World , a little humde and haide , (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.63)

said shee was not pleased that such liued , (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.64)

and did promise some amendment , (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.65)

but desired to see further . (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.66)

Now our philosophical poker pokte on , (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.67)

and poynted to a strange shew ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.68)

the fat foole , not so tall , but this fat foole as low , whose
description runs in meeter thus : (ARMIN-E2-P1,16.69)

{COM:verse_omitted}

<P_17>

The World , smiling at this rime , describing so unseemly a portackt ,
gaue leave to the rest , (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.72)

and desired greatly to be satisfied with something done , as one
longing to know what so round a trust lump could performe .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,17.73)

The poking art's maister tels his doing thus . (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.74)

When the kings and nobles of Scotland had welcomed Jemy Camber to the
court , <paren> who was their countryman , borne in Sterlin , but
twenty miles from Edinborough , this kings birth-towne , as Greenvich
was our late queenes </paren> they reasoned with him to understand his
wit , which indeed was just none at all , yet merry and pleasing ,
whereat the king rejoiced : (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.75)

and , seeing he was so fat , caused his doctors and phisitians to
minister to him ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.76)

but phisick could not alter nature ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.77)

and he would neuer be but a S. Vincent's turnip , thicke and round .
Wherefore the doctors persuaded his grace that the purging of the sea
was good for him . (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.78)

Well , nothing was undone that might be done to make Jemy Camber a tall
, little , slender man , when yet he lookt like a Norfolke dumpling ,
thicke and short : (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.79)

well , to Leith was he sent , which is the harbour towne of such ships
as arrive at Edinborough ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.80)

neerer they $can $not {TEXT:cannot} come , which is some mile from the
cittie . (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.81)

To sea they put in a ship , at whose departure they discharged
ordinance , as one that departed from the land with the kings fauour :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,17.82)

the Earle Huntly was sent with him to sea to accompany him , so high he
was esteemed with the king , who , hearing the ordinance goe off ,
would aske what doe they now ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.83)

Marry , says the Earle , they shoot at our enemies .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,17.84)

O , saies hee , hit , I pray God ! (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.85)

Againe they discharge . (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.86)

What doe they now ? quoth hee . (ARMIN-E2-P1,17.87)

Marry , now the <P_18> enimie shoots at us . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.88)

O , misse , I pray God ! <paren> sayes Jemy Camber </paren> .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,18.89)

So euer after it was a jest in the Scottish court . Hit or misse ,
quoth Jemy Camber ; that if a maide had a barne , and did penance at
the crosse , in the high towne of Edinborough , What hath shee done ?
(ARMIN-E2-P1,18.90)

did she hit or misse ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.91)

She hath hit , sayes the other : (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.92)

better she had mist , sayes the first ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.93)

and so long time after this jest was in memory - yea , I have heard it
myselfe , and some will talke of it at this day . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.94)

Well , to sea they put , on a faire , sunshine day , where Jemy stood
fearful of every calme billow , where it was no boote to bid him tell
what the ship was made of , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.95)

for he did it dououtly . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.96)

But see the chance : (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.97)

a sodaine flaw or gust rose ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.98)

the winds held strong east and by west , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.99)

and the ship was in great danger , insomuch as the Earle , maister and
all , began to feare the weather . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.100)

By and by a stronger gale blew , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.101)

and split their maine-maste , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.102)

and gaue their ship a mighty leake , insomuch as the crack made them
all screeck out : which Jemy , hearing , was almost dead with feare .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,18.103)

Some fell to pumping , others on their knees to praying ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,18.104)

but the fat foole , seeing themselves in this daunger , thought there
was no way but one with them , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.105)

and was half dead with feare : (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.106)

in the end the winde turned , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.107)

and the raging of the sea began to cease . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.108)

I warrant thee now <paren> quoth the maister </paren> Jemy , wee shall
not bee drowned . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.109)

I , will ye warrant us ? sayes the foole . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.110)

I , sayes the maister , $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} giue thee my ship for thy
chaine , if we bee drowned : (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.111)

beare witnesse , my lord , sayes hee , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.112)

a plaine bargaine ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.113)

and with that threw the maister his chaine , who would have given it to
the Earle , (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.114)

but joy of their escape made him delight in the jest ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,18.115)

and therefore the maister enjoyed his bargaine . (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.116)

With much adoe they attained thether againe , where the king , feareful
before , awayted their landing now ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.117)

and , seeing Jemy not a jot lesse of body then hee was <paren> onely
lightened of his chaine </paren> How now ? quoth hee ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,18.118)

how dost thou , man ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.119)

O ! sayes Jemy , well now , king ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,18.120)

but till {COM:sic} had not the maister beene , who warranted our liues
for my chaine , the best bargaine that euer I made ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,18.121)

for no way could <P_19> I haue been a looser . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.122)

How ? sayes the king ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.123)

Marry , $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} tell thee king , quoth hee :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.124)

say we had beene drowned , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.125)

his ship was forfeit to me for my chaine : (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.126)

Earle Huntley was a witness to the bargaine ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.127)

and now we are not drowned , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.128)

for my chaine did warrant our liues of the maister .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.129)

Nay , says the earle , not our liues ; none but yours , Jemy :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.130)

our liues was as safe warranted without a chaine . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.131)

With this the foole had some feeling of sence , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.132)

and on a sodaine cryed out mainly for his chaine , which was restored
to him by the maister ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.133)

but hee lost nothing by that , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.134)

for he attayned to a suit , as the story sayes , that he had beene
three yeeres about . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.135)

Thus the king and nobles went to Edinborough , merrily talking of their
feare and welfare . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.136)

Jemy , this fat foole , used every day to goe from the abbey , in the
low towne by the hill , into the citie of Edinborough ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.137)

and one euening , above the rest , he met with a broken virgin , one
that had a barne <paren> as there they are known by their attire
</paren> wearing a loose kerchiefe , hanging downe backward :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.138)

she , I saye , cried sallets , as thus - Buy any cibus salletea ?
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.139)

Jemy , desirous of sallets , calles her to him . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.140)

Lasse , sayes he , what shall I giue thee for a good sallet ?
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.141)

Faire sire , sayes the wench <paren> for shee knew him for the kings
foole , and she could not please him better then to call him faire sir
</paren> you giue me an atchison . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.142)

Now he , hauing nothing but sixe French crownes about him , Canst thou
change mee a crowne ? sayes he . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.143)

Yea , sire , sayes shee . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.144)

He gives her a crowne , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.145)

and shee gives him a sallet for it , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.146)

and shee went her way . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.147)

Jemy thinks it was much to give a crowne for that , for which shee did
demand but an atchison , which in our money is but three farthings :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,19.148)

he runnes after (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.149)

and sayes , she had his fayrest crowne ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.150)

but , sayes hee , giue mee that , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.151)

and take your choice of these , thinking by that deuise to get the
first crowne againe . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.152)

Will ye chaunge ? sayes the lasse : (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.153)

I , sayes the foole ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.154)

so she takes all the fiue , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.155)

and giues him one againe , (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.156)

and so laughing at his folly goes her way . (ARMIN-E2-P1,19.157)

It was in vaine - <P_20> to exclayme , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.158)

for they will hold fast what they get ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.159)

but my fat foole goes home to eate his sallet , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.160)

and inuites the king to a deare dish , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.161)

and made him laugh heartily at the jest . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.162)

The king calls for winiger to his sallet , because his sweet meate
should haue sower sauce , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.163)

and perswaded him it was well bought : (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.164)

otherwise , if the foole had repented his bargaine , it was his manner
to try for his money againe ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.165)

yet , with it all , the court could not quiet him .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,20.166)

Betwixt Edinborough Abbey , the king's place , and Leeth , there stands
an euen plaine greene meddow , in which the king used most of his
sports : amongst which he rode thether one day to run at the glove , or
the ring , as his grace should please . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.167)

With him rides Jemy Camber on a trotting mule : (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.168)

it was then a maruailous hot day . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.169)

O ! saies Jemy , how cold the wether is <paren> so wise was hee that
hee scarce knew hot from colde </paren> . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.170)

No , sayes the king , it is hot ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.171)

looke how I sweat . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.172)

No , sayes Jemy , the sunne blowes very colde . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.173)

No , sayes the king , the winde shines very hot . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.174)

The foole was almost angry to be crossed , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.175)

and said hee would be hanged at night , if hee did sweat that day .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,20.176)

With this merry talke they rode on ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.177)

but one of the king's footmen hearing this , told the king at their
return hee would make his grace laugh heartily . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.178)

So the king very gallantly ranne that time , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.179)

and neuer missed the glove , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.180)

and so did the lords ; which Jemy seeing , said it was nothing to doe .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,20.181)

The king bade him runne ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.182)

he did so , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.183)

but the gloue lay still ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.184)

and Jemy could not doe it . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.185)

The king's footman <paren> that matcht to doe him a good turne </paren>
said Jemy could doe it better blindfold . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.186)

What , can he ? quoth the king : (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.187)

I will neuer beleeue it . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.188)

You shall see else , quoth hee ; whereat Jemy maruelled much that
without sight a man could doe that , which with all his might and sight
he could not doe , was desirous to make tryall ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.189)

so was blinded with a scarfe , while another tooke up the gloue ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,20.190)

and was ready for the jest . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.191)

Jemy runs : (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.192)

Now for my maisters , saies hee . (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.193)

They all shout aloud (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.194)

and cry rarely well done , (ARMIN-E2-P1,20.195)

and one unblindes him , while another puts the glove on the speare .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,20.196)

<P_21>

So simple hee was , that hee thought it was strange , and bragged all
that day not a little . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.198)

The king did alight , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.199)

and went to drink wine at the Lord Hume's house , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.200)

and Jemy went with him , while the footeman had time to worke his will
, (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.201)

and mingling a conceit with butter <paren> which I will not name ,
least some one should practise the like </paren> clapt it under the
saddle ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.202)

and , as they rode to Edinborough , sayes the king , what say you to
the weather now , Jemy ? (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.203)

Mee thinks it is hotter than it was . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.204)

Nay , it is colder , sayes he , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.205)

for I begin to sweat . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.206)

The trotting of this mule made the mingled confection lather so , that
it got into his breeches , and wroght up to the crowne of his head ,
and to the sole of his foote , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.207)

and so he sweat profoundly . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.208)

Still he whipt (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.209)

and he whipt , sweating more and more : (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.210)

they laught a good to see him in that taking . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.211)

Now you must be hanged , says the king , as your bargaine was ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,21.212)

for you sweat very much . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.213)

What remedie ? sayes hee . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.214)

I am content to be hanged , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.215)

but while I live after $I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} never beleeue cold weather
will make one sweat . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.216)

No more will I , sayes the king , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.217)

but hot weather will . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.218)

Hot or colde , sayes Jemy , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.219)

I am warme now , I am sure : (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.220)

I would I were ouer head and eares in some riuer to coole mee .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,21.221)

So simple hee was that he knew not wether it was the sunne or the winde
made him sweat . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.222)

At night the king caused him to be washed and perfumed ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,21.223)

yet he was scarce sweet twenty days after . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.224)

Thus this fat foole chaft , but not in his owne grease .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,21.225)

Jemy , who was , as you have heard , a tall low man , and was swift of
foote , on a time challenged the king's best footeman , for a wager ,
to run with him from the abbey , up the hill , to Cannegate <paren>
which stood entering to Edenborough , as Ludgate doth to London , and
the King's place about Temple-barre . </paren> (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.226)

The king being told of this challenge thought it would be good sport to
see it performed , (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.227)

still perswaded Jemy to dare his footeman , who before denyed him , and
knew fooles would talk any thing , though far unfit to perform any
thing . (ARMIN-E2-P1,21.228)

Still the king would say he was made nimble to runne ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,21.229)

and askt <P_22> euery nobleman's judgement , who likewise soothed the
king : (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.230)

it was so that they made him beleeue himself swift of foote , that I
think in the end Jemy perswaded himselfe that none but fat men could
run well , and nimble men , being light , would fall soonest ;
considering that light things , being of small substance , not feeling
themselves , would surely fall . (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.231)

But here is the sport - (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.232)

the footeman , seeing it was the king's pleasure to see the wager tryed
, dared him , which made Jemy mad , that he would run with him from
Edinborough to Barwicke <paren> which was forty miles </paren> in one
day ; a thing as unpossible as to pull down a church in one houre , and
to build it againe in another : (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.233)

for Jemy was lost in the king's company once of purpose , but fiue
miles from the citty , at the Earle Morton's castle at da Keth ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,22.234)

and they thought hee would neuer haue come home againe :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,22.235)

when the king heard euery houre hee was comming , (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.236)

and still as hee entreated euery passenger to let him ride , by the
king's watch in the high-way they had warning giuen to the contrary ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,22.237)

for he was seauen days going the fiue myle : (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.238)

then , judge how long hee would be a running fortie .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,22.239)

You will muse how hee did for meate all the time . (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.240)

$I $'ll {TEXT:Ile} tell you how : (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.241)

he fasted all day , (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.242)

and went supperlesse to bed ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.243)

but being in his first sound sleepe , meate was brought and laide by
him , and a choppin of wine <paren> for so they call it there </paren>
which made him at his coming to court tell the king that heauen was
gentler than earthly men $who would shew him no favour , neyther to
ride nor feede him , (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.244)

when he was euery night cast into a sound sleepe ; then when he wakt
hee was sure of meate from heauen to feede on , when the meate came
from the king's kitchen at Edenborough Abbey . (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.245)

But to goe forward with our challenge . (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.246)

The king said the first word should stand , (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.247)

and on Jemie's head he laid a thousand marks : (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.248)

the Lady Carmichell , that laught to heare all this , wagered as much
on the footeman's head . (ARMIN-E2-P1,22.249)

The day was appointed the next morning , being Thursday , to begin at
fiue a'clock in the afternoone , in the coole of the euening ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,22.250)

and <P_23> eury one to his race must make him ready .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,23.251)

Jemy , as he had seene the king's footeman doe , washt his feet with
beere , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.252)

and soakt them in butter ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.253)

so all that night and the next day there was nothing but Jemy and his
prouision to that great journey . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.254)

The time came - (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.255)

Jemy was stript into his shirt , trust round for the purpose :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,23.256)

the footeman and hee begins to runne ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.257)

the footeman makes shew of great labour , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.258)

and the foole made the substance , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.259)

for he was quickly in a sweat . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.260)

They puft (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.261)

and they blowede ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.262)

they ran as swifte as a pudding would creepe . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.263)

Jemy thought himselfe no smal foole to outrun the footeman ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,23.264)

and did in his minde assure himselfe to win . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.265)

The king laughs to see the toyle he made , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.266)

and the footeman made great shew and little paines .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,23.267)

By and by , Jemy calls for drinck ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.268)

and the king , loath hee should haue any harme with labour , caused him
to haue a mixed drincke to cast him into a sleepe ; who , when he had
drunck , as hee ran on his wager , he dropt downe in the streete , as
heauy as if a leaden plummet , that makes a jack turne a spit , had
fallen on the earth dab . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.269)

There hee slept , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.270)

and was carryed by commaund to the top of the hill ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,23.271)

and laid downe againe : (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.272)

there hee slept halfe an houre , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.273)

and when he wakt he remembered his journey . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.274)

Seeing people still about him , up hee gets , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.275)

away he jogs , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.276)

and neuer lookes behinde him ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.277)

and seeing Cannegate so neare him , had not the wit to wonder how hee
came there , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.278)

but laid hold on the ring of the gate , (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.279)

and staid to bee seene . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.280)

By and by the footeman comes sweating , with water poured on his face
and head . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.281)

O , my heart ! sayes hee . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.282)

O , my legs ! sayes Jemy : (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.283)

I will not doe so much for all Scotland againe . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.284)

Well , Jemy cries Victory ! victory ! (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.285)

and there was the king's coach at hand to carry him home ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,23.286)

for himselfe he neuer could haue gone , had his life lain on it .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,23.287)

But when hee came home , the bragge hee made , the glory hee got , how
hee outran the footman <paren> and ran so easily as if he had been a
sleepe </paren> was wonderfull . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.288)

I , it was sport enough for the king , a month after , to heare him
tell it . (ARMIN-E2-P1,23.289)

Well , the king , wonne the wager , he <P_24> thought ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.290)

and that was honour sufficient for him . (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.291)

Not three days after hee bad the king put away all his footemen ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.292)

and hee would serue his turne to any place . (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.293)

The king thanked him for his good will , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.294)

and said , when his neede was great , hee would make bold to use him .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.295)

So Jemy , this fat foole , euer bragged of this wager .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.296)

There was a laundres of the towne , whose daughter used often to the
court to bring home shirts and bands , which Jemy had long time loued
and solicited , but to no end : (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.297)

she would not yeeld him an inch of her maidenhead .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.298)

Now Jemy vowed he would haue it all : (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.299)

well , she consented at last ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.300)

and , to be short , soone at night , at nine a'clocke , being in the
winter , when shee knew her mother to bee gone to watch with a sick
body , he should come , and all that night lye with her .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.301)

Jemy , though witlesse , wanted no knavish meaning ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.302)

thought long till it was night . (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.303)

But in the afternoone , this mayd goes up to the castle
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.304)

and gathers a great basket of nettles , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.305)

and comming home strawes them under the bed . (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.306)

Night comes , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.307)

nine a'clock strikes ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.308)

Jemy on his horse comes riding forward , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.309)

sets him up , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.310)

and knockes at the doors : (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.311)

she lets him in , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.312)

and bids him welcome , bonny man . (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.313)

To bed he goes ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.314)

and Jemy euer used to lye naked , as is the use of a number , amongst
which number she knew Jemy was one ; who no sooner was in bed , but
shee herself knocked at the doore , and herself askt who was there ? -
which , Jemy hearing , was afraid of her mother . (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.315)

Alas ! sir <paren> sayes shee </paren> , my mother comes ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.316)

creepe under the bed . (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.317)

Jemy bustled not a little - (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.318)

under hee creepes , stark naked , where hee was stung with nettles .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.319)

Judge , you that haue feeling of such matters : (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.320)

there hee lay , turning this way and that way ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.321)

here hee stung his leg , there his shoulder , there his buttockes :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.322)

but the mayde hauing lockt the doore to him , went to bed ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.323)

and there lay he in durance <paren> as they saye </paren> till morning
. (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.324)

When the day broke , up gets the maide , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.325)

to court she goes , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.326)

and tels the king's chamberlaine of the matter , (ARMIN-E2-P1,24.327)

and hee told the king , who laughed thereat right heartily .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,24.328)

<P_25>

The chamberlaine was sent to see him there , who , when hee came ,
found him fast a sleepe under the bed , starke naked , bathing in
nettles ; whose skinne , when he wakened him , was all blistered
grievously . (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.330)

The king's chamberlaine bid him arise and come to the king .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,25.331)

I will not , quoth hee : (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.332)

I will go make my graue . (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.333)

See how things chanced ! (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.334)

he shape {COM:sic} truer than he was awar ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.335)

for the chamberlaine going home without him tolde the king his answere
. (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.336)

Jemy rose , (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.337)

made him ready , (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.338)

takes his horse (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.339)

and rides to the church-yard in the high towne , where he found the
sexton <paren> as the custom is there </paren> making nine graues ,
three for men , three for women , and three for children ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,25.340)

and whoso dyes next , first comes , first serued . (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.341)

Lend mee thy spade , sayes Jemy ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.342)

and with that digs a hole , which hole hee bids him make for his graue
, (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.343)

and doth giue him a French crowne . (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.344)

The man , willing to please him <paren> more for his gold than his
pleasure </paren> did so ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.345)

and the foole gets on his horse , (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.346)

and rides to a gentleman of the towne , (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.347)

and on the sodaine within two hours after dyed ; of whom the sexton
telling , hee was buried there indeed . (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.348)

Thus you see fooles have a guess at wit sometime , (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.349)

and the wisest could haue done no more - not so much .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,25.350)

But this fat foole fills a leane graue with his carkasse , upon which
graue the king caused a stone of marble to bee put , on which the poets
writ these lines in remembrance of him - (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.351)

{COM:verse_omitted}

Is this possible , sayes the World , that I should bee so serued ?
(ARMIN-E2-P1,25.353)

Nay , thou art worse serued heareafter , sayes hee ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,25.354)

for thou knowest not the following sceane ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.355)

but attend it . (ARMIN-E2-P1,25.356)

By the foole is meant all fatnesse ; by the king , Nature , that nurst
him ; by the nobles , such as sooth him ; and by the ship , thee , in
which many dangers are floating , through the sense of sinne
(ARMIN-E2-P1,25.357)

<P_26>

and so , if life were awarranted fooles , fat ones , rich ones , would
give the chaine of their soules , that is linked to saluaion {COM:sic}
, onely to inherit this earth in thy company ; when earth , though it
bee heauen to hell , by reason of the paines , yet the comparison
auerts ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.359)

it is hell to heauen in respect of pleasures . (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.360)

By the second is meant the surfets of soule and body , that fooles buy
with their gold , not sparing any price to please appetite , though the
edge of it slice frome the bosome of good old Abraham very heauen
itselfe . (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.361)

By the third , how the fat fooles of this age will gronte and sweat
under this massie burden , and purge to the crown from the foote ,
though their braine perish through the prevailing practise of busie
endeauour . (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.362)

The mule , morrally signifies the diuell , upon whose trot their
fatnesse takes ease , (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.363)

and rides a gallop to destruction . (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.364)

By the fourth taile is prefigned {COM:sic} the presumption of
greatnesse , who are willing to outrun speede itselfe through greedy
desire . (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.365)

In this is showne how flattery feedes them , placing before them , as
in a sleepe , worke and wonder ; when , to say sooth , all is not worth
the wonder : (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.366)

their desire is more than abilitie to performe , and their practise
above all ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.367)

yet the nimble overshoot them in act , leauing them a quicknesse in
will . (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.368)

In the fifth , answere is made to the fourth , when often such forwarde
deedes meete with backward lurches , (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.369)

and they are stung with their own follyes , netling very lust with
shame and disgrace : (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.370)

it signifies adultery in fat ones , who <paren> aboue their owne
</paren> whoring after strange gods , make their religion ride hackney
to hell , (ARMIN-E2-P1,26.371)

and when shame takes them from the horse , they make their own graues ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,26.372)

and are buried in their own shame , with this motto above written -
(ARMIN-E2-P1,26.373)

{COM:verse_omitted}

<P_27>

This morrall motion gaue the World such a buffet , that she skrindge
her face as though shee were pincht home ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.376)

yet , seeing no remedy but that the flat and fat fooles should draw in
her coach together , shee sets in the boote (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.377)

and rides on . (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.378)

The crittick reacheth his glasse to her view , (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.379)

and presents the third . (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.380)

O ! this was a humorous sir , indeede , leane Leonard :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,27.381)

they call him a foole of strange and prepostrous breeding , begot of
enuie , and out of doubt his base sonne : (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.382)

his description hath a straine of more wonder - (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.383)

long , like a lath , and of proportion little better ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,27.384)

but giue his report hearing - (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.385)

{COM:verse_omitted}

You heare , maddam , sayes our cinnick , how he is markt :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,27.387)

if ye meete him in your pottage-dish , yet know him .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,27.388)

The World , though shee loued not the description , yet shee coueted
his condition , (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.389)

and began to woe his report ; which , making no bones of , the sweete
youth gaue his doings thus . (ARMIN-E2-P1,27.390)

<P_28>

In the merry forest of Shearewood dwells a kind gentleman , whose name
I omit , fearing I too much offend in meddling with his foole ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,28.392)

but I trust he will pardon me , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.393)

for sithence , he is so well knowne thereabouts , I thinke it not
amisse to tell it at London , that people seeing the strange workes of
God , in his differing creatures , we that haue perfect resemblance of
God , both-4 in sence and similitude , may the better praise his name ,
that wee differ from them whose humours we read , see , and heare , are
not so strange as true . (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.394)

I say againe this gentleman had a foole , Leonard they $called him ,
leane of body , looking like enuie , whose conditions agree with his
countenance . (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.395)

One time aboue all other , hee lockt himselfe into a parlour , where
all alone hee played at slide groat , as his manner was :
(ARMIN-E2-P1,28.396)

peices or counters he had none ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.397)

yet , casting his hand empty from him , fly , saies hee : short with a
vengeance ! (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.398)

then , play , saies hee <paren> to his fellow </paren> when , indeede ,
there is none but himselfe ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.399)

but thus with supposes he playes alone , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.400)

swaggers with his game fellow , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.401)

out-sweares him with a thousand oaths , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.402)

challenges him the field to answere him if hee bee a man ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,28.403)

appoynts the place and all , that if any one not knowing his conditions
should stand without and heare him , would thinke two swaggerers were
fighting in the roome . (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.404)

To his play againe he fals , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.405)

seauen up for twelve pence , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.406)

for that is his game still : (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.407)

well , they fall out , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.408)

they go together by the eares , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.409)

and such a hurly-burly is in the roome , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.410)

that passes . (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.411)

At last the stooles they flye about , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.412)

the pots they walke , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.413)

the glasses they goe together ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.414)

nay , the prayer-bookes they flie into the fire , that such a noise
there was that the whole house wondered at his folly .
(ARMIN-E2-P1,28.415)

Persuasions wer to no purpose ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.416)

doores hee would open none , till they violently brake them open ,
though they were of gold ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.417)

and so they did , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.418)

and entered the parlour , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.419)

found all this leuell coyle , and his pate broken , his face scratcht ,
and leg out of joynt ; as a number say to this houre that hee is a
play-fellow for the diuelle , (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.420)

and in game they $can $not {TEXT:cannot} agree . (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.421)

But that is otherwise ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,28.422)

for , in the great hall , at the seruing <P_29> man's request , he will
play by himselfe , if they will not play with him ;
(ARMIN-E2-P1,29.423)

and whoso playes with him , though they play for nothing , and with
nothing , all is one , (ARMIN-E2-P1,29.424)

they must fall out ; (ARMIN-E2-P1,29.425)

and if others be not by to part them , mischiefe may bee done ,
(ARMIN-E2-P1,29.426)

for he will lay it on , take it off who will : so that at his first
comming he endaungered many , (ARMIN-E2-P1,29.427)

and now take heed is a faire thing , (ARMIN-E2-P1,29.428)

for few will come neere him . (ARMIN-E2-P1,29.429)

Thus you see that fooles that want wit to gouerne themselves well ,
have a wilfull will to goe forward in folly . (ARMIN-E2-P1,29.430)