A PREPARATIVE TO MARRIAGE . (SMITH-E2-P1,1.3) You are come hether to bee contracted in the Lord , (SMITH-E2-P1,1.5) that is , of two to bee made one : (SMITH-E2-P1,1.6) for as God hath knit the bones and sinewes together for the strengthening of the bodie , so he hath knit man and woman together for the strengthening of this life , because two are stronger than one {COM:sic} : (SMITH-E2-P1,1.7) and therefore when God made the Woman for Man , he sayd , I will make him a helpe : shewing that man is stronger by his Wife . (SMITH-E2-P1,1.8) Euerie Marriage before it bee knit should bee contracted , as it is shewed in Exo. 22.16. and Deut. 22.28. which stay between the Contract & the Marriage , was the time of longing for the affections to settle in , because the deferring of that which wee loue doth kindle the desire , which if it came easilie and speedilie to vs , would make vs set lesse by it . (SMITH-E2-P1,2.9) Therefore we reade how Ioseph and Marie were contracted before they were married . (SMITH-E2-P1,2.10) In the Contract Christ was conceaued , (SMITH-E2-P1,2.11) and in the Mariage Christ was borne , that he might honour both estates , Virginitie with his Conception , and Marriage with his Birth . (SMITH-E2-P1,2.12) You are contracted but to bee married , (SMITH-E2-P1,2.13) therefore I passe from Contracts to speake of Mariage , which is nothing els but a communion of life between man and woman , ioyned together according to the ordinance of God . (SMITH-E2-P1,2.14) First I will shewe the excellencie of Marriage : then the institution of it : then the causes of it : then the choise of it : then the dueties of it : and lastly the diuorcement of it . (SMITH-E2-P1,3.15) Well might Paule say , Mariage is honourable , (SMITH-E2-P1,3.16) for God hath honoured it himselfe . (SMITH-E2-P1,3.17) It is honourable for the author , honourable for the time , and honorable for the place . (SMITH-E2-P1,3.18) Whereas all other ordinaunces were appoynted of God by the hands of men , or the hands of Angells , Marriage was ordained by God himselfe , which $can $not {TEXT:cannot} erre . (SMITH-E2-P1,3.19) No man nor Angell brought the Wife to the Husband but God himselfe : (SMITH-E2-P1,3.20) so Marriage hath more honour of God in this , than all other ordinances of God beside , because he solemnized it himselfe . (SMITH-E2-P1,3.21) Then it is honourable for the time , (SMITH-E2-P1,3.22) for it was the first ordinance which God instituted , euen the first thing which he did after man and woman were created , & that in the state of innocencie before either had sinned , like the finest flower which will not thriue but in a cleane ground . (SMITH-E2-P1,4.23) Before man had any other calling he was called to be a Husband : (SMITH-E2-P1,4.24) therefore it hath the honour of antiquitie aboue all other ordinances , because it was ordained first , and is the ancientest calling of men . (SMITH-E2-P1,4.25) Then it is honourable for the place ; (SMITH-E2-P1,4.26) for whereas all other ordinances were instituted out of Paradise , Marriage was instituted in Paradise in the happiest place , to signifie howe happie they are which marrie in the Lord , (SMITH-E2-P1,4.27) they doo not only marrie one another , (SMITH-E2-P1,4.28) but Christ is maried vnto them , (SMITH-E2-P1,4.29) & so Mariage hath the honor of the place aboue all other ordina~ces to , because it was ordained in Paradise . (SMITH-E2-P1,5.30) As God the Father honored Mariage , so did God the Sonne , which is called the seede of the woman : (SMITH-E2-P1,5.31) and therefore Mariage was so honored amongst women because of this seede , that when Elizabeth brought foorth a soone , she said , that God had taken away her rebukes ; counting it the honor of women to beare children , and by consequence , the honour of women to be maried ; (SMITH-E2-P1,5.32) for the children which are borne out of Mariage are the dishonor of women , and called by the shamefull name of Bastards . (SMITH-E2-P1,5.33) As Christ honoured Mariage with his birth , so he honoured it with his miracles : (SMITH-E2-P1,5.34) for the first miracle which Christe did , hee wrought at a Mariage in Chanaan , where he turned their water into wine : (SMITH-E2-P1,6.35) so , if Christ be at your Mariage , that is , if you marie in christ , your water shall bee turned into wine , (SMITH-E2-P1,6.36) that is , your peace , and your rest , and your ioy , and your happiness shal begin with your Mariage ; (SMITH-E2-P1,6.37) but if you marrie not in Christ , then your wine shall be turned into water , (SMITH-E2-P1,6.38) that is , you shall liue worse hereafter than you did before . (SMITH-E2-P1,6.39) As he honoured it with miracles , so he honored it with praises : (SMITH-E2-P1,6.40) for hee compareth the kingdome of God to a Wedding , (SMITH-E2-P1,6.41) and he compareth holines to a Wedding garment . (SMITH-E2-P1,6.42) And in the 5. of Canticles he is wedded himselfe . (SMITH-E2-P1,6.43) We reade in Scripture of three Mariages of Christ . (SMITH-E2-P1,6.44) The first was when Christ and our nature met together . (SMITH-E2-P1,6.45) The second is , when Christ and our soule ioyne together . (SMITH-E2-P1,6.46) The third is , the vnion of Christ and his Church . (SMITH-E2-P1,7.47) These are Christs 3. wiues . (SMITH-E2-P1,7.48) As Christ honoreth Mariage ; so doo Christs Disciples : (SMITH-E2-P1,7.49) for Iohn calleth the Coniunction of Christ and the faithfull , a Mariage . (SMITH-E2-P1,7.50) And in Reuel. 21.9. the Church hath the name of a Bride , whereas Heresie is called a Harlot . (SMITH-E2-P1,7.51) Further , for the honour of Mariage , Paule sheweth how by it the curse of the woman was turned into a blessing ; (SMITH-E2-P1,7.52) for the womans curse was the paines which she should suffer in her trauaile . (SMITH-E2-P1,7.53) Now by Mariage this curse is turned into a blessing ; (SMITH-E2-P1,7.54) for children are the first blesing in al the Scripture . (SMITH-E2-P1,7.55) And therefore Christ saieth , that so soone as the mother seeth a man child borne into the world , she forgetteth all her sorrowes , as though her curse were turned into a blessing . (SMITH-E2-P1,7.56) And further , Paule saith , that by bearing of children , if she continue in faith and patience , she shall bee saued , as though one curse were turned into two blessings . (SMITH-E2-P1,8.57) For first she shall haue children , (SMITH-E2-P1,8.58) and after she shall haue saluation . (SMITH-E2-P1,8.59) What a mercifull God haue wee , whose curses are blessings ? (SMITH-E2-P1,8.60) Who would haue thought that God had hid a blessing in his curse ? (SMITH-E2-P1,8.61) So hee loued our parents when hee punished them , that hee could scarse punish them for loue , and therefore a comfort was folded in his iudgement . (SMITH-E2-P1,8.62) To honour Mariage more , it is said , that God tooke a rib out of Adams side , and thereof built the woman . (SMITH-E2-P1,8.63) He is not saide to make man a wife , but to build him a wife , signifying , that man & wife make as it were one house together , & that the building was not perfect , vntil the woma~ was made aswell as the man : (SMITH-E2-P1,9.64) therefore if the building bee not perfect now , it must be destroyed againe . (SMITH-E2-P1,9.65) Before God made the woman , it is sayd , that he cast the man into a sleepe , and in his sleepe he tooke a rib out of his side , and as he made the man of earth , so he made the woman of bone , while Adam was a sleepe . (SMITH-E2-P1,9.66) This doth teach vs two thinges : (SMITH-E2-P1,9.67) As the first Adam was a figure of the second Adam , so the first Adams sleepe was a figure of the second Adams sleepe , (SMITH-E2-P1,9.68) & the first Adams spouse was a figure of the second Adams spouse . (SMITH-E2-P1,9.69) That is , as in the sleepe of Adam , Eue was borne ; so in the sleepe of Christ the Church was borne : (SMITH-E2-P1,9.70) as a bone came out of the first Adams side , so bloud came out of the second Adams side . (SMITH-E2-P1,9.71) As Adams spouse receiued life in his sleep ; so Christs spouse receiued life in his sleepe : (SMITH-E2-P1,10.72) that is , the death of Christ is the life of the Church ; (SMITH-E2-P1,10.73) for the Apostle calleth Death a sleepe , (SMITH-E2-P1,10.74) but Christ which dyed is called Life , shewing that in his death we liue . (SMITH-E2-P1,10.75) Secondly , this sleep which the ma~ was cast into , while his wife was created , dooth teach vs that our affections , our lusts , & our concupicenses , should sleepe while wee goe about this action . (SMITH-E2-P1,10.76) As the man slept while his wife was making , so our flesh should sleepe while our wife is choosing , least as the loue of Venison wan Isaak to blesse one for another , so the loue of gentrie , or riches , or beautie make vs take one for another . (SMITH-E2-P1,10.77) To honour Mariage more yet , or rather to teach the maried how to honour one another , it is saide , that the wife was made of the husbands rib : not of his head , for Paule calleth the husbande the wiues head : nor of the foote , for he must not set her at his foote : (SMITH-E2-P1,11.78) the seruant is appoynted to serue , and the wife to helpe . (SMITH-E2-P1,11.79) If she must not match with the head , nor stoope at the foote , where shall he set her then ? (SMITH-E2-P1,11.80) He must set her at his heart , (SMITH-E2-P1,11.81) and therefore she which should lie in his bosome , was made in his bosome , (SMITH-E2-P1,11.82) and should bee as close to him as his ribb of which she was fashioned . (SMITH-E2-P1,11.83) Lastly , in all Nations the day of Mariage was reputed the ioyfullest day in all their life , (SMITH-E2-P1,11.84) and is reputed still of all , as though the Sunne of happines began that day to shine vpon vs , when a good wife is brought vnto vs . (SMITH-E2-P1,11.85) Therfore one saith , that Mariage doth signifie Merriage , because a playfellow is come to make our age merrie . (SMITH-E2-P1,12.86) Salomon considering al these excellencies , as though wee were more indebted to God for this tha~ other temporall gifts , saith : House and riches are the inheritance of the fathers : (SMITH-E2-P1,12.87) but a prudent wife commeth of the Lord . (SMITH-E2-P1,12.88) House and riches are giuen of God , and all things els , (SMITH-E2-P1,12.89) & yet hee saith , house and riches are giuen of parents , but a good wife is giuen of God : as though a good wife were such a gift , as we should account from God alone , and accept as if hee should send vs a present from heauen , with this name written vpon it , The gift of God . (SMITH-E2-P1,12.90) Beasts are ordained for foode , and cloathes for warmth , and flowers for pleasure , (SMITH-E2-P1,12.91) but the wife is ordained for man , like little Zoar , a Citie of refuge to flie to in all his troubles , (SMITH-E2-P1,13.92) & there is no peace comparable vnto her , but the peace of conscience . (SMITH-E2-P1,13.93) Now it must needes be , that Mariage , which was ordeined of such an excellent Author , and in such a happie place , and of such an auncient time , and after such a notable order , must likewise haue speciall causes for the ordenance of it . (SMITH-E2-P1,13.94) Therefore the holie Ghost doth shewe vs three causes of this Vnion . (SMITH-E2-P1,13.95) One is , the propagation of children , signified in that when Moses saith , He created them male and female , not both male , nor both female , but one male , and the other female , as if he created them fit to propagate other . (SMITH-E2-P1,13.96) And therefore when he had created them so , to shewe that propagation of children is one ende of Mariage , he saide vnto them , Increase and multiplie , (SMITH-E2-P1,14.97) that is , bring forth children , as other creatures bring forth their kinde . (SMITH-E2-P1,14.98) For this cause Marriage is called Matrimonie , which signifieth Mothers , because it makes them Mothers , which were Virgins before : and is the seminarie of the worlde , without which , all things should be in vaine , for want of men to vse them , (SMITH-E2-P1,14.99) for God reserueth the great Citie to himselfe , (SMITH-E2-P1,14.100) and this suburbs he hath set out to vs , which are regents by sea and by lande . (SMITH-E2-P1,14.101) If children be such a chiefe end of Marriage , then it seemes , that where there can be no hope of children , for age or other causes , there Marriage is not so lawfull , because it is maimed of one of his ends , and seemes rather to be sought for wealth , or for lust , than for this blessing of children . (SMITH-E2-P1,14.102) It is not good grafting of an olde head vppon young shoulders , (SMITH-E2-P1,15.103) for they will neuer beare it willingly but grudgingly . (SMITH-E2-P1,15.104) Twise the Wife is called , the Wife of thy youth , as though when men are old , the time of Marrying were past . (SMITH-E2-P1,15.105) Therefore God makes such vnequall matches so ridiculous euery where , that they please none but the parties themselues , vntill the time of their dotage be expired . (SMITH-E2-P1,15.106) The second cause is to auoide fornication : (SMITH-E2-P1,15.107) this Paule signifieth , when he saith , For the auoiding of fornication , let euery man haue his owne wife . (SMITH-E2-P1,15.108) He saith not for auoiding of adultery , but for auoiding of fornication , shewing , that fornication is vnlawfull too , which the Papists make lawfull , in mainteining their Stewes , as a stage for fornicators to play vppon , and a Sanctuary to defende them , like Absoloms Tent , which was spread vpon the top of the house , that all Israel might see how he defiled his fathers concubines . (SMITH-E2-P1,16.109) For this cause , Malachi sayth , that God did create but one Woman for the man , (SMITH-E2-P1,16.110) he had power to create moe , (SMITH-E2-P1,16.111) but to shewe that he woulde haue him sticke to one , therefore he created of one ribbe but one wife for one husbande : (SMITH-E2-P1,16.112) and in the Arke , there were no moe women than men . But foure wiues for four husbands , although it was in the beginning of the world , when many wiues might seeme necessarie to multiply mankinde . (SMITH-E2-P1,16.113) If any might haue a dispensation heerein , it seemes the King might be priuiledged before any other , be cause of succession to the Crowne , if his wife should happen to be barren . (SMITH-E2-P1,17.114) And yet the King is forbidden to take many wiues in Deut. 17.17. as well as the Minister {COM:is_forbidden_to_take_many_wives} in 1. Timo. 3.2. shewing , that the danger of the state , doth not counteruaile the danger of fornication . (SMITH-E2-P1,17.115) For this cause we reade of none but wicked Lamech before the Flood , that had moe wiues than one , whome Iouinian calleth a monster , because he made 2. ribs of one . (SMITH-E2-P1,17.116) And another saith , that the name of his second wife doth signifie a shadowe , because she was not a wife , but the shadowe of a wife : (SMITH-E2-P1,17.117) for this cause the Scripture neuer biddeth man to loue his wiues , but to loue his Wife , (SMITH-E2-P1,17.118) and sayeth , They shall be two in one fleshe , not three , nor foure , but onely two . (SMITH-E2-P1,17.119) For this cause , Salomon calleth the whorish woman a strange woman , to shew that she should be a stranger to vs , and we should be strange to her . (SMITH-E2-P1,18.120) For this cause , children which are borne in mariage , are called Liberi , which signifieth free borne : (SMITH-E2-P1,18.121) and they which are borne out of marriage , are called Bastards , that is , base borne , like the Mule which is ingendred of an Asse & a Mare . (SMITH-E2-P1,18.122) Therefore adulterers are likened to the Deuill , which sowed another mans ground , (SMITH-E2-P1,18.123) other sowe for a Haruest , (SMITH-E2-P1,18.124) but they sowe that which they dare not reape . (SMITH-E2-P1,18.125) Therfore children borne in Wedlocke were counted Gods blessing , because they come by vertue of that blessing , Increase and multiplie . (SMITH-E2-P1,18.126) But before Adame and Eue were married , God neuer sayd Increase , shewing that he did cursse and not blesse such increase . (SMITH-E2-P1,18.127) Therefore we reade not in all the Scripture of one Bastard that came to any good , but onely Iphtah , (SMITH-E2-P1,19.128) and to shewe that no inheritance did belong to them in heauen , they had no inheritance in earth , (SMITH-E2-P1,19.129) neyther were counted of the congregation , as other were . Deut. 23.2. (SMITH-E2-P1,19.130) Now , because Marriage was appointed , for a remedie against fornication , therefore the lawe of God inflicted a sorer punishment vppon them which did commit vncleannes after Marriage , than vppon him which was not married , because he sinned , although he had the remedie of sinne , lyke a rich theefe which stealeth , and hath no neede . (SMITH-E2-P1,19.131) Now if Marriage be a remedie against the sinne of fornication , then vnlesse Ministers may commit the sinne of fornication , it seemes that they may vse the remedie as well as other : (SMITH-E2-P1,20.132) for as it is better for one man to marrie than to burne , so it is better for all men to marrie than to burne : (SMITH-E2-P1,20.133) and therefore Paule sayth , Marriage is honourable amongst all men . (SMITH-E2-P1,20.134) And againe , for the auoiding of fornication , let euery man haue his Wife . (SMITH-E2-P1,20.135) And although he did forsee , that some woulde excepte the Minister in time to come , in the first of Timo. 3.2. hee speaketh more precisely of the Ministers wife , than of any other , saying , Let him be the husband of one Wife : (SMITH-E2-P1,20.136) and least ye should say that by one wife , he meaneth one Benefice like the Papists . He expoundeth himself in the fourth verse , (SMITH-E2-P1,20.137) and saith , that he must be one that can rule his house well , and his children . (SMITH-E2-P1,20.138) Sure God would not haue these children to be Bastards , (SMITH-E2-P1,20.139) and therefore it is like that he aloweth the Minister a Wife . (SMITH-E2-P1,21.141) Therefore Paule said well , that he had no commandement for Virginitie , (SMITH-E2-P1,21.142) for Virginitie $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be commaunded , because it is a speciall gift , but not a speciall gift to Ministers , (SMITH-E2-P1,21.143) & therfore they are not to be bound more tha~ other . (SMITH-E2-P1,21.144) A peculiar gift may not be made a general rule , because none can vse it , but they which haue it . (SMITH-E2-P1,21.145) And therfore in 1. Cor. 7.17. he saith , As God hath distributed to euery man , so let him walk . (SMITH-E2-P1,21.146) That is , if he haue not the gift of continencie , he is bound to marrie : (SMITH-E2-P1,21.147) and therefore Paule commaundeth in the seuenth verse , whether he be Minister or other , If they $can $not {TEXT:cannot} abstaine , let them marrie , as though they tempted God if they married not . (SMITH-E2-P1,21.148) The Law was generall , (SMITH-E2-P1,21.149) It is not good for man to be alone , exempting one order of men no more than an other . (SMITH-E2-P1,22.150) And again Christ speaking of Chastity saith , All men $can $not {TEXT:cannot} receiue this thing . (SMITH-E2-P1,22.151) Therefore vnlesse we knowe , that this order of men can receiue this thing : Christ forbids to binde them more than other , (SMITH-E2-P1,22.152) and therefore as the Priests were maried that taught the Lawe , so Christ chose Apostles which were married , to preach the Gospell . (SMITH-E2-P1,22.153) Therefore the doctrine of Papists , is the doctrine of Deuils , (SMITH-E2-P1,22.154) for Paule calleth the forbidding of mariage , the doctrine of Deuils , a fit title for all their bookes . (SMITH-E2-P1,22.155) Lastly , if Mariage be a remedie against sinne , then Mariage it selfe is no sinne : (SMITH-E2-P1,22.156) for if Mariage it selfe were a sinne , we might not marrie for any cause , because we must not do the least euill that the greatest good may come of it : (SMITH-E2-P1,23.157) and if Mariage be not a sinne , then the dueties of Mariage are no sinne , (SMITH-E2-P1,23.158) that is , the secreate of Mariage is not euill , (SMITH-E2-P1,23.159) and therefore Paule saith not only Mariage is honourable , (SMITH-E2-P1,23.160) but the bed is honorable , (SMITH-E2-P1,23.161) that is , euen the action of Mariage is as lawfull , as Mariage . (SMITH-E2-P1,23.162) Besides Paul saith , Let the husband giue vnto the Wife due beneuolence : (SMITH-E2-P1,23.163) heere is a commandement to yeeld this duety : (SMITH-E2-P1,23.164) that which is commanded , is lawfull ; (SMITH-E2-P1,23.165) and not to doe it , is a breach of the commandement . (SMITH-E2-P1,23.166) Therefore Mariage was instituted before any sinne was , to shew that there is no sinne in it if it be not abused : (SMITH-E2-P1,23.167) but because this is rare , therefore after women were deliuered , God appointed them to be purified , shewing , that some staine or other doth creep into this action , which had neede to be repented , (SMITH-E2-P1,24.168) and therefore when they prayed , Paule would not haue them come together , least their prayers should be hindered . (SMITH-E2-P1,24.169) The third cause is , to auoid the inconuenience of solitarinesse , signified in these words , It is not good for man to be alone , as though he had said , this life would be miserable and irkesome , and vnpleasant to man , if the Lord had not giuen him a wife to company his troubles . (SMITH-E2-P1,24.170) If it be not good for man to be alone , then it is good for man to haue a fellow : (SMITH-E2-P1,24.171) therefore as God created a paire of all other kindes , so he created a paire of this kinde . (SMITH-E2-P1,24.172) We say that one is none , because he $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be fewer than one , he can not be lesser than one , he can not be weaker than one , (SMITH-E2-P1,24.173) and therfore the Wise man saith , Woe to him which is alone , (SMITH-E2-P1,25.174) that is , he which is alone , shall haue woe . (SMITH-E2-P1,25.175) Thoughts and cares , and feares , will come to him , because he hath none to co~fort him , as theeues steale in when the house is emptie ; (SMITH-E2-P1,25.176) like a Turtle , which hath lost his mate , like one legge when the other is cut off , like one wing when the other is clipt , so had the man bin , if the woman had not bin ioyned to him : (SMITH-E2-P1,25.177) therefore for mutuall societie , God coupled two together , that the infinite troubles which lye vppon vs in this world , might be eased , with the comfort and helpe one of an other , and that the poore in the world might haue some comfort as well as the rich , (SMITH-E2-P1,25.178) for the poore man saith Salomon is forsaken of his owne brethren , (SMITH-E2-P1,25.179) yet God hath prouided one comforter for him , like Ionathans armour-bearer , that shall neuer forsake him , that is another selfe , which is the only commoditie as I may tearme it , wherein the poore doe match the rich , without which , some persons should haue no helper , no comforter , no friend at all . (SMITH-E2-P1,26.180) But as it is not good to be alone , so Salomon sheweth , That it is better to be alone , than to dwell with a froward Wife , which is like a quotidian ague , to keepe his patience in vre . (SMITH-E2-P1,26.181) Such furies do haunt some men , like Saules spirit , as though the Deuill had put a sword into their handes to kill themselues , (SMITH-E2-P1,26.182) therefore choose whome thou mayest enioy , (SMITH-E2-P1,26.183) or liue alone still , (SMITH-E2-P1,26.184) and thou shalt not repent thy bargaine . (SMITH-E2-P1,26.185) That thou mayest take and kepe without repentance , now we will speake of the choice , which some call the way to good wiues dwelling , (SMITH-E2-P1,27.186) for these flowers grow not on euery ground : (SMITH-E2-P1,27.187) therefore they say , that in wiuing and striuing , a man should take counsell of all the world . (SMITH-E2-P1,27.188) As Moses considered what spies he sent into Chanaan , so thou must regarde whome thou sendest to spie out a Wife for thee . (SMITH-E2-P1,27.189) Discretion is a warie spie , (SMITH-E2-P1,27.190) but fancie is a rash spie , (SMITH-E2-P1,27.191) and liketh whome she will mislike againe . (SMITH-E2-P1,27.192) In Zacharie , Sinne is called a woman , which sheweth , that women haue many faults , (SMITH-E2-P1,27.193) therefore he which chooseth of them , had neede haue iudgement , and make an Anatomie of their bodies and minds by squire and rule , before he say , This shall be mine . (SMITH-E2-P1,27.194) For the wisest man sayth , I haue found one man of a thousand , but a woman among them all haue I not found , as though there were a dearth of good women ouer the worlde . (SMITH-E2-P1,28.195) For helpe hereof in 1. Cor. 7.39. wee are taught to marrie in the Lord , (SMITH-E2-P1,28.196) then we must choose in the Lord too : (SMITH-E2-P1,28.197) therefore we must begin our Mariage where Salomon began his wisedome . (SMITH-E2-P1,28.198) Giue vnto thy seruant an vnderstanding heart : (SMITH-E2-P1,28.199) so giue vnto thy seruant an vndersta~ding wife . (SMITH-E2-P1,28.200) If Abrahams seruant praied the Lord to prosper his businesse when hee went about to choose a wife for another , how shouldst thou pray when thou goest about a wife for thy selfe , that thou maiest say after , My lot is fallen in a pleasant ground . (SMITH-E2-P1,28.201) To direct thee to a right choice herein , the holie Ghost giues thee two rules , Godlines and Fitnes : (SMITH-E2-P1,28.202) Godlines , because our Spouse must bee like Christs spouse , that is , graced with gifts & imbrodered with vertues , as if wee did marrie Holinesse her selfe . (SMITH-E2-P1,29.203) For the mariage of man and woman , is resembled of the Apostle to the Mariage of Christ and the Church . (SMITH-E2-P1,29.204) Now , the Church is called Holie , because she is holie . (SMITH-E2-P1,29.205) In the 6. Cantic. she is called Vndefiled , because she is vndefiled . (SMITH-E2-P1,29.206) In the 45. Psalme she is called faire within , because her beautie is inwarde : (SMITH-E2-P1,29.207) so our Spouse should bee holie , vndefiled , and faire within . (SMITH-E2-P1,29.208) As God respecteth the heart , so we must respect the heart , because that must loue , and not the face . (SMITH-E2-P1,29.209) Couetousnes hath euer been a suter to the richest , and pride to the highest , and lightnesse to the fairest , (SMITH-E2-P1,29.210) and for reuenge hereof his ioye hath euer ended with his wiues youth , which tooke her beautie with it . (SMITH-E2-P1,29.211) The goods of the world are good , (SMITH-E2-P1,30.212) and the goods of the bodie are good , (SMITH-E2-P1,30.213) but the goods of the minde are better . (SMITH-E2-P1,30.214) As Paule commendeth Faith , and Hope , & Charitie , but saith the greatest of these is Charitie : so I may commend beauty , and riches , and godlines , (SMITH-E2-P1,30.215) but the best of these is godlinesse , because it hath the thinges which it wants , and makes euerie state alike with her gift of contentation . (SMITH-E2-P1,30.216) Secondly , the mate must be fit : (SMITH-E2-P1,30.217) it is not enough to bee vertuous , but to bee sutable ; (SMITH-E2-P1,30.218) for diuers women haue many vertues , (SMITH-E2-P1,30.219) and yet doo not fit with some men ; (SMITH-E2-P1,30.220) & diuers men haue many vertues , (SMITH-E2-P1,30.221) and yet doo not fit to some women : (SMITH-E2-P1,30.222) and therefore we see many times , euen the godly couples to iarre when they are married , because there is some vnfitnes betweene them which makes oddes . (SMITH-E2-P1,31.223) What is oddes but the contrary to euen ? (SMITH-E2-P1,31.224) Therefore make them euen saith one (SMITH-E2-P1,31.225) and there will be no oddes . (SMITH-E2-P1,31.226) From hence came the first vse of the Ring in Weddings , to represe~t this euennes : (SMITH-E2-P1,31.227) for if it be straighter than the finger it will pinch , (SMITH-E2-P1,31.228) & if it be wider than the finger it wil fall of ; (SMITH-E2-P1,31.229) but if it bee fit , it neither pincheth nor slippeth : (SMITH-E2-P1,31.230) So they which are like striue not , but they which are vnlike , {COM:strive} as fire and water . (SMITH-E2-P1,31.231) Therefore one obserueth , that concord is nothing but likenesse , and that all strife is for vnfitnes : as in things when they fit not together , and in persons when they suite not one another . (SMITH-E2-P1,31.232) How was God pleased when he had found a King according to his owne heart ? (SMITH-E2-P1,31.233) So shall that man be pleased which findes a wife according to his owne heart , (SMITH-E2-P1,32.234) whether he be rich or poore , his peace shall affoord him a chearefull life , and teach him to sing , In loue is no lacke . (SMITH-E2-P1,32.235) Therefore a godly man in our time thanked the Lord that he had not onely giuen him a godly wife , but a fit wife : (SMITH-E2-P1,32.236) for he sayd not that she was the wisest , nor the holiest , nor the humblest , nor the modestest wife in the world , but the fitest wife for him in the world , which euery man should thinke when that knot is tyed , (SMITH-E2-P1,32.237) or els so often as he seeth a better , he will wish that his choyce were to make againe . (SMITH-E2-P1,32.238) As hee did thanke God for sending him a fit wife , so the vnmaried should pray God to send them a fit wife : (SMITH-E2-P1,32.239) for if they be not like , they will not like . (SMITH-E2-P1,32.240) This fitnesse is commended by the holy Ghost in two words : (SMITH-E2-P1,32.241) one is in the 2. of Gen. (SMITH-E2-P1,33.242) and the other is in the 2. Cor. 6. 14 . (SMITH-E2-P1,33.243) That in Gene. is Meete : (SMITH-E2-P1,33.244) God saith , I will make man a helpe meet for him . Shewing , that a wife $can $not {TEXT:cannot} helpe well , vnles she be meete . (SMITH-E2-P1,33.245) Further , it sheweth that man is such an excellent creature , that no creature was like vnto him , or meete for him till the woman was made . (SMITH-E2-P1,33.246) This meetnesse God sheweth againe in the 22. verse , where Moses saieth , that of the ribbe which was taken out of man God built the woman : signifying , that as one parte of the building dooth meete and fit with another ; so the wife should meete and fit with the husband , that as they are called couples , so they may be called paires , (SMITH-E2-P1,33.247) that is , like as a paire of gloues , or a paire of hose are like ; so man and wife should be like , because they are a paire of friends . (SMITH-E2-P1,34.248) If thou be learned , chuse one that loueth knowledge : (SMITH-E2-P1,34.249) if thou bee Martiall , chuse one that loueth prowesse : (SMITH-E2-P1,34.250) if thou must liue by thy labour , chuse one that loueth husbandrie : (SMITH-E2-P1,34.251) for vnlesse her mind stande with thy vocation , thou shalt neither-1 inioye thy wife , nor thy calling . (SMITH-E2-P1,34.252) That other word in the 2. Cor. 6. 14. is Yoke , (SMITH-E2-P1,34.253) there Mariage is called a Yoke . (SMITH-E2-P1,34.254) Paule saith , Be not vnequally yoked . (SMITH-E2-P1,34.255) If Mariage be a yoke , then they which drawe in it must be fit , like two Oxen which draw the yoke together , (SMITH-E2-P1,34.256) or els all the burden will lie vpon one . (SMITH-E2-P1,34.257) Therefore they are called yoke fellowes too , to shew that they which draw this yoke must be fellowes . (SMITH-E2-P1,34.258) As he which soweth seede , chuseth a fit grou~d , because they say , it is good grafting vppon a good stocke : so he which wil haue godly children must chuse a godly wife : (SMITH-E2-P1,35.259) for like Mother sayeth Ezechiel like daughter . (SMITH-E2-P1,35.260) Now , as the Trauailer hath markes in his way that hee may proceed aright : so the suiter hath markes in his way that hee may chuse right . (SMITH-E2-P1,35.261) There be certaine signes of this fitnes , and godlinesse , both-2 in the man and the woman . (SMITH-E2-P1,35.262) If thou wilt knowe a godly man , or a godly woman , thou must marke fiue things ; the report , the lookes , the speach , the apparell , and the companions , which are like the pulses that shewe whether we be well or ill . (SMITH-E2-P1,35.263) The report , because as the market goeth , so they say the market men talke . (SMITH-E2-P1,35.264) A good man co~monly hath a good name , because a good name is one of the blessinges which God promiseth to good men , (SMITH-E2-P1,36.265) but a good name is not to be praised from the wicked : (SMITH-E2-P1,36.266) & therfore Christ saieth , Cursed are you when all men speake well of you : that is , when euill men speake well of you , bicause this is a signe that you are of the world , (SMITH-E2-P1,36.267) for the world liketh and praiseth her owne . (SMITH-E2-P1,36.268) Yet as Christ said , Who can accuse me of sin ? (SMITH-E2-P1,36.269) So it should bee said of vs , (SMITH-E2-P1,36.270) not who can accuse me of sinne ? (SMITH-E2-P1,36.271) but who can accuse me of this sinne , (SMITH-E2-P1,36.272) or who ca~ accuse me of that sinne ? (SMITH-E2-P1,36.273) That is , who can accuse me of swearing ? (SMITH-E2-P1,36.274) who ca~ accuse me of dissembling ? (SMITH-E2-P1,36.275) who can accuse mee of fornication ? (SMITH-E2-P1,36.276) No man can say this of his thought , (SMITH-E2-P1,36.277) but euery one should say it of the act , like Zachariah & Elizabeth , which are called vnblameable before men , because none could accuse them of open sinnes . (SMITH-E2-P1,36.278) The next signe is the looke , (SMITH-E2-P1,36.279) for Salomon saith , Wisedome is in the face of a man : (SMITH-E2-P1,37.280) so godlines is in the face of a man , (SMITH-E2-P1,37.281) and so folly is in the face of a man , (SMITH-E2-P1,37.282) and so wickednesse is in the face of a man . (SMITH-E2-P1,37.283) And therefore it is sayd in Esaiah 3.9. The triall of their countenance testifieth against them . As though their looks could speake . (SMITH-E2-P1,37.284) One saieth well , a modest man dwelles at the signe of a modest countenance , and an honest woman dwelleth at the signe of an honest face , which is like the gate of the temple that was called Beautifull : shewing , that if the entrie be so beautifull , within is great beautie . (SMITH-E2-P1,37.285) To shewe how a modest countenance , and womanly shamefastnesse , doo commend a chast wife , it is obserued that the word Nuptiae , which signifieth the Marriage of the woman , dooth declare the manner of her Marriage : (SMITH-E2-P1,38.286) for it importeth a couering , because the Virgins which should be maried , whe~ they came to their husbands , for modestie and shamefastnes did couer their faces : as wee reade of Rebeccah , which so soone as she saw Isaac , and knewe that hee should bee her husband , she cast a vaile before her face , shewing that modestie should be learned before Marriage , which is the dowrie that God addeth to her portion . (SMITH-E2-P1,38.287) The third signe is her speach , or rather her silence ; (SMITH-E2-P1,38.288) for the orname~t of a woman is silence : (SMITH-E2-P1,38.289) and therefore the law was giuen to the man rather than to the woman , to shew that he should bee the teacher , and she the hearer . (SMITH-E2-P1,38.290) As the Eccho answereth but one word for manie which are spoken to her ; so a maides answere should be a word , as though she sold her breath . (SMITH-E2-P1,39.291) The eye and the speach are the mindes Glasses ; (SMITH-E2-P1,39.292) for out of the abundance of the heart saith Christ the mouth speaketh : as though by the speach we might know what aboundeth in the heart : (SMITH-E2-P1,39.293) and therfore he saith , By thy words thou shalt bee iustified , (SMITH-E2-P1,39.294) and by thy wordes thou shalt bee condemned . (SMITH-E2-P1,39.295) That is , thou shalt be iustified to bee wise , (SMITH-E2-P1,39.296) or thou shalt be condemned to bee folish ; (SMITH-E2-P1,39.297) thou shalt be iustified to be sober , (SMITH-E2-P1,39.298) or thou shalt bee condemned to bee rash ; (SMITH-E2-P1,39.299) thou shalt bee iustified to bee humble , (SMITH-E2-P1,39.300) or thou shalt be condemned to be proud ; (SMITH-E2-P1,39.301) thou shalt be iustified to be louing , (SMITH-E2-P1,39.302) or thou shalt be condemned to be enuious . (SMITH-E2-P1,39.303) Therefore Salomon saith , A fooles lips are a snare to his owne soule . (SMITH-E2-P1,39.304) Snares are made for other , (SMITH-E2-P1,39.305) but this snare catcheth a mans selfe , because it bewraieth his folly , and causeth his trouble , and bringeth him into discredite . (SMITH-E2-P1,40.306) Contrariwise , The heart of the wise saith Salomon guideth his mouth wisely , (SMITH-E2-P1,40.307) and the wordes of his mouth haue grace . (SMITH-E2-P1,40.308) Now , to shewe that this should bee one marke in the choyce of thy Wife , Salomon describing a right Wife , saith , She openeth her mouth with wisedome , (SMITH-E2-P1,40.309) & the lawe of grace is in her tongue . (SMITH-E2-P1,40.310) As the open vessels were counted vncleane ; so account that the open mouth hath much vncleannes . (SMITH-E2-P1,40.311) The fourth signe is the apparel : (SMITH-E2-P1,40.312) for as the pride of the Glutton is noted , in that he went in purple euerie day ; so the humilitie of Iohn is noted in that hee went in hairecloath euery day . (SMITH-E2-P1,40.313) A modest woman is known by her sober attire , as the Prophet Eliah was knowne by his rough garment . (SMITH-E2-P1,40.314) Looke not for better within , than thou seest without ; (SMITH-E2-P1,41.315) for euery one seemeth better than hee is , (SMITH-E2-P1,41.316) if the face bee vanitie , the heart is pride . (SMITH-E2-P1,41.317) Hee which biddeth thee abstaine from the shewe of euill , would haue thee to abstaine from~ those wiues which haue the shewes of euill : (SMITH-E2-P1,41.318) for it is hard to come in the fashion , & not be in the abuse . (SMITH-E2-P1,41.319) And therefore Paule saieth , Fashion not your selues like vnto this world : as though the fashions of me~ did declare of what side they are . (SMITH-E2-P1,41.320) The fift signe is the companie : (SMITH-E2-P1,41.321) for birds of a feather will flie together , (SMITH-E2-P1,41.322) and fellowes in sinne will bee fellowes in league , as yong Rehoboam chose young companions . (SMITH-E2-P1,41.323) The tame beastes will not keep with the wild , nor the cleane with the leprous . (SMITH-E2-P1,41.324) If a man ca~ be known by nothing els , then he maye bee knowne by his companions ; (SMITH-E2-P1,42.325) for like will to like , (SMITH-E2-P1,42.326) as Salomon saieth , theeues call one another . (SMITH-E2-P1,42.327) Therefore when Dauid left iniquitie , he sayd , Away from me al ye that work iniquitie . Shewing , that a man neuer abandoneth euill , vntill hee abandon euill companie ; (SMITH-E2-P1,42.328) for no good is concluded in this parliament . (SMITH-E2-P1,42.329) Therefore choose such a companio~ of thy life as hath chosen companie like thee before : (SMITH-E2-P1,42.330) for they which did choose such as loued prophane companio~s before , in a while were drawne to be prophane too , that their wiues might loue them . (SMITH-E2-P1,42.331) When these rules are obserued , they may ioyne together and say , as Laban and Bethuel said , This commeth of the Lord , (SMITH-E2-P1,42.332) therfore wee will not speake against it . (SMITH-E2-P1,42.333) How happie are those in whome Faith , and Loue , and Godlinesse are married together , before they marrie themselues ? (SMITH-E2-P1,43.334) For none of these Martiall , and clowdie , and whining Marriages can saye that Godlinesse was inuited to their Bridall ; (SMITH-E2-P1,43.335) and therfore the blessings which are promised to godlinesse dooe flie from them . (SMITH-E2-P1,43.336) Now in this choice , are two questions . (SMITH-E2-P1,43.337) First , whether children may marrie without their parents consent : (SMITH-E2-P1,43.338) and the second , whether they may marrie with Papists or Atheists , &c . (SMITH-E2-P1,43.339) Touching the first , God saith , Honour thy father and thy mother . (SMITH-E2-P1,43.340) Now , wherein canst thou honour them more , than in this honourable action , to which they haue preserued thee , and brought thee vp , which concerneth the state of thy whole life ? (SMITH-E2-P1,43.341) Againe , in the first institution of Mariage , when there was no Father to giue consent , then our heauenly Father gaue his consent : (SMITH-E2-P1,44.342) God supplied this place of the Father , (SMITH-E2-P1,44.343) & brought his Daughter vnto her Husband , (SMITH-E2-P1,44.344) and euer since , the Father after the same manner , hath offred hys Daughter vnto the Husband . (SMITH-E2-P1,44.345) Beside , there is a Lawe , that if a man deflowre a Virgin , he shall marrie her : (SMITH-E2-P1,44.346) but if the Father of the Virgin do not like of the Mariage , then he shall pay vnto her the dowrie of Virgins , that is , so much as her Virginitie is esteemed , so that the Father might alow the Mariage , or forbid it . (SMITH-E2-P1,44.347) Againe , there is a Law , that if any free man , or free woma~ make a vow , it must be kept . (SMITH-E2-P1,44.348) But if a Virgin make a vow , it should not be kept , vnlesse her Father approue it , because she is not free : (SMITH-E2-P1,44.349) therefore if she did vow to marry , yet the Father hath power by this Lawe to breake it . (SMITH-E2-P1,45.350) Therefore the Lawe speaketh vnto the Father saying , Thou shalt not take a Wife for thy sonne of straungers . (SMITH-E2-P1,45.351) Therefore Paule speaketh to the Father , If thou giue thy daughter to mariage , thou doest well : (SMITH-E2-P1,45.352) therefore Iobs children are counted part of Iobs substance , shewing , that as a man hath the disposition of his owne substance , so he hath the disposition of his owne children . (SMITH-E2-P1,45.353) Therefore in Math. the Wife is sayd to be bestowed in mariage , which signifieth , that some did giue her beside her selfe : (SMITH-E2-P1,45.354) Therefore it is said , that Iacob serued Laban , that Laban might giue him his daughter to wife . (SMITH-E2-P1,45.355) Therefore Saule saith to Dauid , I will giue thee my eldest daughter to wife : (SMITH-E2-P1,45.356) therefore it is said , that Iudah tooke a wife to Er his sonne . (SMITH-E2-P1,46.357) Therefore Sichem saith to his Father , Get me this maide to Wife . (SMITH-E2-P1,46.358) Therefore in the mariage of Isaak , we see Abrahams seruant in the place of Isaak , and Rebeccah the maid and her parents , sitting in parliament together : (SMITH-E2-P1,46.359) therefore Sampson , though he had found a maid to his liking , yet he would not take her to wife , before he had tould his parents , and craued their assent . (SMITH-E2-P1,46.360)