Nature and Religion are the bands of Friendships ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,14.2) Excellencie and Usefulnesse are its great Indearments : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,14.3) Society and Neighbourhood , that is , the possibilities and the circumstances of converse are the Determinations and actualities of it . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,15.4) Now when men either are unnatural , or Irreligious , they will not be friends ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,15.5) when they are neither Excellent nor Usefull , they are not worthy to be friends ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,15.6) when they are strangers or unknown , they $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be friends actually and practically ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,15.7) but yet , as any man hath any thing of the good , contrary to those evils , so he can have and must have his share of Friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,15.8) For thus the Sun is the eye of the world ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,15.9) and he is indifferent to the Negro , or the cold Russian , to them that stand near the Tropicks , the scalded Indian , or the poor boy that shakes at the foot of the Peiphean hills ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,15.10) but the fluxures of the heaven & the earth , the conveniency of abode , and the approches to the North or South respectively change the emannations of his beams ; not that they do not pass alwaies fro~ him , but that they are not equally received below , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.11) but by periods and changes , by little inlets and reflections , they receive what they can ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.12) and some have onely a dark day and a long night from him , snowes and white cattle , a miserable life & a perpetual harvest of Catarrhes and consumptions ; apoplexies and dead palsies , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.13) but some have splendid fires , and aromaticke spices , rich wines , and well digested fruits , great wit and great courage ; because they dwell in his eye , and look in his face , and are the courtiers of the Sun , and wait upon him in his Chambers $of {TEXT:of_of} the East ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.14) just so is it in friendships : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.15) some are worthy , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.16) and some are necessary ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.17) some dwell hard by (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,16.18) and are fitted for converse ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.20) Nature joyns some to us , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.21) and Religion combines us with others ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.22) society and accidents , parity of fortune , and equal dispositions do actuate our friendships : which of themselves and in their prime dispositions are prepared for all Mankind according as any one can receive them . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.23) We see this best exemplified by instances and expressions of freindships and charity : viz. Almes and Prayers ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.24) Every one that needs relief is equally the object of our charity ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.25) yet we signifie this severally and by limits , and distinct measures : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.26) the poor man that is neer me , he whom I meet , he whom I love , he whom I fancy , he who did me benefit , he who relates to my family , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,17.27) he rather then another , because my expressions being finite and narrow , and $can $not {TEXT:cannot} extend to all in equal significations , must be appropriate to those whose circumstances best fit me : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.28) and yet even to all I give my alms : to all the world that needs them ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.29) I pray for all mankind , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.30) I am greived at every sad story I hear ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.31) I am troubled when I hear of a pretty Bride murdered in her bridechamber by an ambitious and enrag'd Rival ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.32) I shed a tear when I am told that a brave King was mis-understood , then slandered , then imprisoned , and then put to death by evil men : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.33) and I can never read the story of the Parisian Massacre or the Sicilian Vespers , but my blood curdles , and I am disordered by two or three affections . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.34) A good man is a friend to all the world ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,18.35) & he is not truly charitable that doth not wish well , and doe good to all mankind in what they can ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,19.36) but though wee must pray for all men , yet we say special Letanies for brave Kings and holy Prelates , and the wise Guides of Souls ; for our Brethren and Relations , our Wives and Children . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,19.37) The effect of this consideration is , that the Universal Friendship of which I speak , must be limited , because we are so : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,19.38) In those things where we stand next to Immensity and Infinity , as in good wishes and prayers , and a readinesse to benefit all Mankind , in these our Friendships must not be limitted ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,19.39) but in other things which passe under our hand and eye , our voices and our material exchanges ; our hands can reach no further but to our arms end , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,19.40) and our voices can but sound till the next ayre be quiet , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.41) and therefore they can have entercourse but within the sphere of their own activity ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.42) our needs and our conversations are served by a few , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.43) and they $can $not {TEXT:cannot} reach to all ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.44) where they can , they must ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.45) but where it is impossible it $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be necessary . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.46) It must therefore follow , that our Friendships to Mankind may admit variety as doth our coversation ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.47) and as by nature we are made sociable to all , so we are friendly ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.48) but as all $can $not {TEXT:cannot} actually be of our society , so neither can all be admitted to a special , actual Friendship ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.49) Of some entercourses all men are capable , but not of all ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.50) Men can pray for one another , and abstain from doing injuries to all the world , and be desirous to do all Mankind good , and love all Men ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,20.51) Now this Friendship we must pay to all because we can , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,21.52) but if we can do no more to all , we must shew our readinesse to do more good to all by actually doing more good to all them to whom we can {COM:no_period_in_text} (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,21.53) To some we can , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,21.54) and therefore there are nearer Friendships to some then to others , according as there are natural or civil nearnesses , relations and societies ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,21.55) and as I $can $not {TEXT:cannot} expresse my Friendships to all in equall measures and significations , that is , as I $can $not {TEXT:cannot} do benefits to all alike : so neither am I tyed to love all alike : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,21.56) for although there is much reason to love every man ; yet there are more reasons to love some then others , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,21.57) and if I must love because there is reason I should ; then I must love more , where there is more reason ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,21.58) and where there is a special affection and a great readiness to do good , and to delight in certain persons towards each other , there is that special Charity and Indearment which Philosophy calls Friendships ; but our Religion calls Love or Charity . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,22.59) Now if the inquiry be concerning this speciall Friendship . 1. How it can be appropriate , that is , who to be chosen to it ; 2. How far it may extend ; that is , with what expressions signified ; 3. How conducted ? The answers will depend upon such considerations which will be neither useless nor unpleasant . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,22.60) 1 . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,22.61) There may be a speciall Friendship contracted for any speciall excellency whatsoever ; because Friendships are nothing but Love and Society mixt together ; that is , a conversing with them whom we love ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,22.62) now for whatsoever we can love any one , for that we can be his friend ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,23.63) and since every excellency is a degree of amability , every such worthiness is a just and proper motive of friendship , or loving conversation . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,23.64) But yet in these things there is an order and proportion . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,23.65) Therefore 2. A Good man is the best friend , and therefore soonest to be chosen , longer to be retain'd ; and indeed never to be parted with ; unless he cease to be that for which he was chosen . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,23.66) {COM:greek_and_verse_omitted} But although vertue alone is the worthiest cause of amability , and can weigh down any one consideration ; and therefore to a man that is vertuous every man ought to be a friend ; yet I do not mean the severe , and philosophical excellences of some morose persons who are indeed wise unto themselves and exemplar to others , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.68) by vertue here I do not mean justice and temperance , charity and devotion ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.69) for these I am to love the man , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.70) but friendship is something more then that : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.71) friendship is the nearest love and the nearest society of which the persons are capable : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.72) Now justice is a good entercourse for Merchants , as all men are that buy , and sell ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.73) and temperance makes a man good company , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.74) and helps to make a wise man ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.75) but a perfect friendship requires something else , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,24.76) these must be in him that is chosen to be my friend ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.77) but for these I do not make him my privado ; that is , my special and peculiar friend : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.78) but if he be a good man , then he is properly fitted to be my correlative in the noblest combination . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.79) And for this we have the best warrant in the world : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.80) For a just man scarcely will a man die ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.81) the Syriac interpreter reads it {COM:greek_omitted} for an unjust man scarcely will a man dy ; that is , a wicked man is at no hand fit to receive the expression of the greatest friendship ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.82) but all the Greek Copies that ever I saw , or read of , read it as we do ; for a righteous man or a just man : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.83) that is , justice and righteousnesse is not the nearest indearment of friendship ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,25.84) but for a good man some will even dare to dy : that is , for a man that is sweetly disposed , ready to do acts of goodnesse , and to oblige others , to do things usefull and profitable , for a loving man , a beneficent , bountiful man , one who delights in doing good for his friend , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.85) such a man may have the highest friendship ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.86) he may have a friend that will dy for him . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.87) And this is the meaning of Laelius : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.88) Vertue may be despised , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.89) so may learning and Nobility ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.90) et una est amicitia in rebus humanis de cujus utilitate omnes consentiunt : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.91) onely friendship is that thing which because all know to be useful and profitable , no man can despise ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.92) that is , {COM:greek_omitted} , or {COM:greek_omitted} , goodness or beneficence makes friendships . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.93) For if he be a good man he will love where he is beloved , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.94) and $that $'s {TEXT:that's} the first tye of friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,26.95) {COM:greek_omitted} That was the Commendation of the bravest friendship ; in Theocritus . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,27.98) {COM:verse_and_greek_omitted} For it is impossible this neerness of friendship can be where there is not mutual love ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,27.100) but this is secured if I choose a good man ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,28.101) for he that is apt enough to begin alone will never be behinde in relation & correspondency ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,28.102) and therefore I like the Gentiles Letany well . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,28.103) {COM:greek_and_verse_omitted} But there is more in it then this felicity mounts to (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,28.105) For {COM:greek_omitted} the good man is a profitable , useful person , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,28.106) and $that $'s {TEXT:thats} an effective friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,28.107) For I doe not think that friendships are Metaphysical nothings , created for contemplation ; or that men or women should stare upon each others faces , and make dialogues of news & prettinesses , and look babies in one anothers eyes . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,29.108) Friendship is the allay of our sorrows , the ease of our passions , the discharge of our oppressions , the sanctuary to our calamities , the counsellor of our doubts , the clarity of our minds , the emission of our thoughts , the exercise and improvement of what we meditate ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,29.109) And although I love my friend because he is worthy , yet he is not worthy if he can do no good . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,29.110) I do not speak of accidental hinderances and misfortune by which the bravest man may become unable to help his child ; but of the natural , and artificial capacities of the man . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,29.111) He onely is fit to be chosen for a friend , who can do those offices for which friendship is excellent . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.113) For mistake not no man can be loved for himselfe ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.114) our perfections in this world $can $not {TEXT:ca~not} reach so high ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.115) it is wel if we would love God at that rate ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.116) and I very much feare , that if God did us no good , we might admire his Beauties , but we should have but a small proportion of love towards him ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.117) and therefore it is that God to indeare the obedience , that is , the love of his servants , signifies what benefits he gives us , what great things he does for us . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.118) I am the Lord God that brought thee out of the Land of Egypt : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.119) and , does Job serve God for nought ? (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.120) And , he that comes to God , must believe that he is , and that he is a rewarder : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.121) all his other greatnesses are objects of feare and wonder ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,30.122) it is his goodnesse that makes him lovely : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.123) and so it is in friendships . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.124) He only is fit to be chosen for a friend who can give me counsel , or defend my cause , or guide me right , or relieve me , or can and will , when I need it , do me good : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.125) onely this I adde : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.126) into the heaps of doing good , I will reckon loving me (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.127) for it is a pleasure to be beloved ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.128) but when his love signifies nothing but kissing my Cheek or talking kindly , and can goe no further , it is a prostitution of the Bravery of friendship to spend it upon impertinent people who are it may be loads to their families , but can never ease my loads : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.129) but my friend is a worthy person , when he can become to me instead of God , a guide or a support , an eye , or a hand ; a staffe , or a rule : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,31.130) There must be in friendship something to distinguish it from a Companion , and a Countryman , from a School-fellow , or a Gossip , from a Sweetheart , or a Fellow traveller : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,32.131) Friendship may look in at any one of these doors , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,32.132) but it stayes not any where till it come to be the best thing in the world : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,32.133) and when we consider that one man is not better then another , neither-1 towards God nor Man , but by doing better and braver things , we shall also see , that that which is most beneficent is also most excellent ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,32.134) and therefore those friendships must needs be most perfect , where the friends can be most useful . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,32.135) For men $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be useful but by worthinesses in the several instances : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,32.136) a fool $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be relied upon for counsel ; nor a vitious person for the advantages of vertue , nor a beggar for relief , nor a stranger for conduct , nor a tatler to keep a secret , nor a pittiless person trusted with my complaint , nor a covetous man with my childes fortune , nor a false person without a witnesse , nor a suspicious person with a private design ; nor him that I feare with the treasures of my love ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,33.137) But he that is wise and vertuous , rich and at hand , close and merciful , free of his money and tenacious of a secret , open and ingenuous , true and honest , is of himself an excellent man ; and therefore fit to be lov'd ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,33.138) and he can do good to me in all capacities where I can need him , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,33.139) and therefore is fit to be a friend . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,33.140) I confesse , we are forced in our friendships to abate some of these ingredients ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,33.141) but full measures of friendship would have full measures of worthinesses ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,33.142) and according as any defect is in the foundation ; in the relation also there may be imperfection : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,34.143) and indeed I shall not blame the friendship so it be worthy , though it be not perfect ; not only because friendship is charity , which $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be perfect here , but because there is not in the world a perfect cause of perfect friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,34.144) If you can suspect that this discourse can suppose friendship to be mercenary , and to be defective in the greatest worthinesse of it , which is to love our friend for our friends sake for Scipio said , that it was against friendship to say , ita amare oportere ut aliquando esset usurus , that we ought to love , that we may also sometimes make use of a friend {COM:no_close_paren} : I shall easily be able to defend my self : because I speak of the election and reasons of choosing friends : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,34.145) after he is chosen , do as nobly as you talk , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.146) and love as purely as you dream ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.147) and let your conversation be as metaphysical as your discourse , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.148) and proceed in this method , till you be confuted by experience ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.149) yet till then , the case is otherwise when we speak of choosing one to be my friend : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.150) He is not my friend till I have chosen him , or loved him ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.151) and if any man inquires whom he shall choose , or whom he should love , I suppose it ought not to be answered , that we should love him who hath least amability ; that we should choose him who hath least reason to be chosen : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.152) But if it be answered , he is to be chosen to be my friend who is most worthy in himself , not he that can do most good to me ; I say , here is a distinction , but no difference ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,35.153) for he is most worthy in himself who can do most good ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.154) and if he can love me too , that is , if he will do me all the good he can , or that I need , then he is my friend , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.155) and he deserves it . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.156) And it is impossible from a friend to separate a will to do me good : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.157) and therefore I do not choose well , if I choose one that hath not power ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.158) for if it may consist with the noblenesse of friendship to desire that my friend be ready to do me benefit or support , it is not sense to say , it is ignoble to desire he should really do it when I need ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.159) and if it were not for pleasure or profit , we might as well be without a friend as have him . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.160) Among all the pleasures and profits , the sensual pleasure and the matter of money are the lowest and the least ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,36.161) and therefore although they may sometimes be used in friendship , and so not wholly excluded from the consideration of him that is to choose , yet of all things they are to be the least regarded ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,37.162) {COM:greek_and_verse_omitted} For there are , besides these , many profits and many pleasures ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,37.164) and because these only are sordid , all the other are noble and fair , and the expectations of them no disparageme~ts to the best friendships . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,37.165) For can any wise or good man be angry , if I say , I chose this man to be my friend , because he is able to give me counsel , to restrain my wandrings , to comfort me in my sorrows ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,37.166) he is pleasant to me in private , and useful in publick ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.167) he will make my joyes double , and divide my grief between himself and me . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.168) For what else should I choose ? (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.169) For being a fool , and useless ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.170) for a pretty face , or a smooth chin ? (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.171) I confesse , it is possible to be a friend to one that is ignorant , and pitiable , handsome and good for nothing , that eats well , and drinks deep : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.172) but he $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be a friend to me ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.173) and I love him with a fondness or a pity , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.174) but it $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be a noble friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,38.175) {COM:greek_and_verse_omitted} Plutarch calls such friendships , the Idols and Images of friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,39.178) True and brave friendships are between worthy persons ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,39.179) and there is in mankind no degree of worthiness , but is also a degree of usefulnesse ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,39.180) and by every thing by which a man is excellent , I may be profited : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,39.181) and because those are the bravest friends which can best serve the ends of friendships , either we must suppose that friendships are not the greatest comforts in the world , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,39.182) or else we must say , he chooseth his friend best , that chooseth such a one by whom he can receive the greatest comforts and assistances . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.183) 3 . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.184) This being the measure of all friendships ; they all partake of excellency , according as they are fitted to this measure : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.185) a friend may be counselled well enough , though his friend be not the wisest man in the world ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.186) and he may be pleased in his society though he be not the best natured man in the world ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.187) but still it must be , that something excellent is , or is apprehended , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.188) or else it can be no worthy friendship ; because the choice is imprudent and foolish . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.189) Choose for your friend him that is wise and good , and secret and just , ingenuous and honest ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.190) and in those things which have a latitude , use your own liberty ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.191) but in such things which consist in an indivisible point , make no abatements : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,40.192) That is , you must choose him to be your friend that is not honest and secret , just and true , to a tittle ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,41.193) but if he be wise at all , and usefull in any degree , and as good as you can have him , you need not be ashamed to own your friendships ; though sometimes you may be ashamed of some imperfections of your friend . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,41.194) 4 . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,41.195) But if you yet inquire further , whether fancy may be an ingredient in your choice ? I answer , that fancy may minister to this as to all other actions in which there is a liberty and variety ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,41.196) and we shall find that there may be peculiarities , and little partialities , a friendship , improperly so called , entring upon accounts of an innocent passion and a pleas'd fancy ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,41.197) even our Blessed Saviour himself loved St. John and Lazarus by a special love , which was signified by special treatments ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,42.198) and of the young man that spake well and wisely to Christ , it is affirmed , Jesus loved him : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,42.199) that is , he fancied the man ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,42.200) and his soul had a certain cognation and similitude of temper and inclination . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,42.201) For in all things where there is latitude , every faculty will endeavour to be pleased ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,42.202) and sometimes the meanest persons in a house have a festival ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,42.203) even sympathies and natural inclinations to some persons , and a conformity of humors , and proportionable loves , and the beauty of the face , and a witty answer may first strike the flint and kindle a spark , which if it fall upon tender and compliant natures may grow into a flame ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,42.204) but this will never be maintained at the rate of friendship , unlesse it be fed by pure materials , by worthinesses , which are the food of friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,43.205) Where these are not , men and women may be pleased with one anothers company , and ly under the same roof , and make themselves companions of equal prosperities , and humour their friend ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,43.206) but if you call this friendship , you give a sacred name to humour or fancy ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,43.207) for there is a Platonic friendship , as well as a Platonic love ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,43.208) but they being but the Images of more noble bodies are but like tinsel dressings , which will shew bravely by candle light , and doe excellently in a mask , but are not fit for conversation , and the material entercourses of our life . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,43.209) These are the prettinesses of prosperity , and good-natured wit ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,43.210) but when we speak of friendship , which is the best thing in the world for it is love and beneficence ; it is charity which is fitted for society we $can $not {TEXT:cannot} suppose a brave pile should be built up with nothing ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,44.211) and they that build castles in the aire , and look upon friendship , as upon a fine Romance , a thing that pleases the fancy , but is good for nothing else , will do well when they are asleep , or when they are come to Elysium ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,44.212) & for ought I know , in the mean time may be as much in love with Mandana in the Grand Cyrus , as with the Countess of Exeter ; and by dreaming of perfect and abstracted friendships , make them so immaterial that they perish in the handling , and become good for nothing . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,44.213) But I know not whither I was going ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,44.214) I did only mean to say that because friendship is that by which the world is most blessed and receives most good , it ought to be chosen amongst the worthiest persons , that is , amongst those that can do greatest benefit to each other ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,45.215) and though in equal worthinesse I may choose by my eye , or ear , that is , into the consideration of the essential I may take in also the accidental intrinsic worthinesses ; yet I ought to give every one their just value ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,45.216) when the internal beauties are equal , these shall help to weigh down the scale , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,45.217) and I will love a worthy friend that can delight me as well as profit me , rather then him who $can $not {TEXT:cannot} delight me at all , and profit me no more ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,45.218) but yet I will not weigh the gayest flowers , or the wings of butterflies against wheat ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,45.219) but when I am to choose wheat , I may take that which looks the brightest : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,45.220) I had rather see Time and Roses , Majoram and Julyflowers that are fair and sweet and medicinal , then the prettiest Tulips , that are good for nothing : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,46.221) And my Sheep and Kine are better servants then race-Horses and Grayhounds : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,46.222) And I shall rather furnish my study with Plutarch and Cicero , with Livy & Polybius , then with Cassandra and Ibrahim Bassa ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,46.223) and if I do give an hour to these for divertisement or pleasure , yet I will dwell with them that can instruct me and make me wise , and eloquent , severe and useful to my self , and others . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,46.224) I end this with the saying of Laelius in Cicero : Amicitia non debet consequi utilitatem , sed amicitiam utilitas . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,46.225) When I choose my friend , I will not stay till I have receiv'd a kindnesse ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,46.226) but I will choose such a one that can do me many if I need them : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,46.227) But I mean such kindnesses which make me wiser , and which make me better ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.228) that is , I will when I choose my friend , choose him that is the bravest , the worthiest and the most excellent person : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.229) And then your first question is soon answered ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.230) to love such a Person , and to contract such friendships , is just so authorized by the principles of Christianity , as it is warranted to love wisdome and vertue , goodnesse and beneficence , and all the impresses of God upon the spirits of brave men . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.231) 2 . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.232) The next inquiry is , how far it may extend ? (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.233) That is , by what expressions it may be signified ? (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.234) I finde that David and Jonathan loved at a strange rate ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.235) they were both good men ; though it happenned that Jonathan was on the obliging side ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,47.236) but here the expressions were ; Jonathan watched for Davids good ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.237) told him of his danger , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.238) and helped him to escape ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.239) took part with Davids innocence against his Fathers malice and injustice ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.240) and beyond all this , did it to his own prejudice ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.241) and they two stood like two feet supporting one body ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.242) though Jonathan knew that David would prove like the foot of a wrastler , and would supplant him , not by any unworthy or unfriendly action , but it was from God ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.243) and he gave him his hand to set him upon his owne throne . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.244) We find his paralels in the Gentile stories : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.245) young Athenodorus having divided the estate with his Brother Xenon divided it again when Xenon had spent his own share ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,48.246) and Lucullus would not take the Consularship till his younger brother had first injoyed it for a year ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,49.247) but Pollux divided with Castor his immortality ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,49.248) and you know who offer'd himself to death being pledge for his friend ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,49.249) and his friend by performing his word rescued him as bravely : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,49.250) and when we find in Scripture that for a good man some will even dare to die ; and that Aquila and Priscilla laid their necks down for S. Paul ; and the Galatians would have given him their very eyes , that is , every thing that was most dear to them ; and some others were neer unto death for his sake ; and that it is a precept of Christian charity , to lay down our lives for our Brethren , that is , those who were combined in a cause of Religion , who were united with the same hopes , and imparted to each other ready assistances , and grew dear by common sufferings , we need inquire no further for the expressions of friendships : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.251) Greater love then this hath no man , then that he lay down his life for his friends ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.252) and this we are oblig'd to do in some Cases for all Christians ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.253) and therefore we may do it for those who are to us in this present and imperfect state of things , that which all the good men and women in the world shall be in Heaven , that is , in the state of perfect friendships . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.254) This is the biggest ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.255) but then it includes and can suppose all the rest ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.256) and if this may be done for all , and in some Cases must for any one of the multitude , we need not scruple whether we may do it for those who are better then a multitude . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.257) But as for the thing it self , it is not easily and lightly to be done ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,50.258) and a man must not die for humor , nor expend so great a Jewel for a trifle : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,51.259) {COM:greek_omitted} said Philo ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,51.260) we will hardly die when it is for nothing , when no good , no worthy end is served , and become a sacrifice to redeem a foot-boy . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,51.261) But we may not give our life to redeem another : unless , 1. The party for whom we die be a worthy and a useful person ; better for the publick , or better for Religion , and more usefull to others then my self . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,51.262) Thus Ribischius the German died bravely when he became a sacrifice for his Master , Maurice Duke of Saxony ; Covering his Masters body with his own , that he might escape the fury of the Turkish Souldiers . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,51.263) Succurram perituro , sed ut ipse non peream , nisi si futurus ero magni hominis , aut magnae rei merces ; said Seneca . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,51.264) I will help a dying person if I can ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,51.265) but I will not die my self for him , unless by my death I save a brave man , or become the price of a great thing ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,52.266) that is , I will die for a Prince , for the republick , or to save an Army , as David expos'd himself to combat with the Philistin for the redemption of the Host of Israel : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,52.267) And in this sence , that is true ; Praestat ut pareat unus , quam Unitas , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,52.268) better that one perish than a multitude . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,52.269) 2 . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,52.270) A man dies bravely when he gives his temporal life to save the soul of any single person in the Christian world . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,52.271) It is a worthy exchange , and the glorification of that love by which Christ gave his life for every soul . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,52.272) Thus he that reproves an erring Prince wisely and necessarily , he that affirms a fundamentall truth , or stands up for the glory of the Divine Attributes , though he die for it , becomes a worthy sacrifice . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,53.273) 3 (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,53.274) These are duty , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,53.275) but it may be heroic and full of Christian bravery , to give my life to rescue a noble and a brave friend ; though I my self be as worthy a man as he ; because the preference of him is an act of humility in me ; and of friendship towards him ; Humility and Charity making a pious difference , where art and nature have made all equall . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,53.276) Some have fancied other measures of treating our friends . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,53.277) One sort of men say that we are to expect that our friends should value us as we value our selves : which if it were to be admitted , will require that we make no friendships with a proud man ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,53.278) and so far indeed were well ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,53.279) but then this proportion does exclude also humble men who are most to be valued , and the rather because they undervalue themselves . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.280) Others say , that a friend is to value his friend as much as his friend values him ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.281) but neither is this well or safe , wise or sufficient ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.282) for it makes friendship a mere bargain , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.283) and is something like the Country weddings in some places where I have been ; where the Bridegroom and the Bride must meet in the half way ; and if they fail a step , they retire and break the match : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.284) It is not good to make a reckoning in friendship ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.285) $that $'s {TEXT:that's} merchandise , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.286) or it may be gratitude , but not noble friendship ; in which each part strives to out-do the other in significations of an excellent love : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.287) And amongst true friends there is no fear of losing anything . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,54.288) But that which amongst the old Philosophers comes nearest to the right , is , that we love our selves . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,55.289) If they had meant it as our Blessed Saviour did , of that general friendship by which we are to love all mankind , it had been perfect and well ; or if they had meant it of the inward affection , or of outward justice ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,55.290) but because they meant it of the most excellent friendships , and of the outward significations of it , it $can $not {TEXT:cannot} be sufficient : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,55.291) for a friend may and must sometimes do more for his friend then he would do for himself . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,55.292) Some men will perish before they will beg or petition for themselves to some certain persons ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,55.293) but they account it noble to do it for their friend , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,55.294) and they will want rather then their friend shall want ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,55.295) and they will be more earnest in praise or dispraise respectively for their friend , then for themselves . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,56.296) And indeed , I account that one of the greatest demonstrations of real friendship is , that a friend can really endeavour to have his friend advanced in honour , in reputation , in the opinion of wit or learning , before himself . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,56.297) {COM:verses_omitted} But then be pleas'd to think that therefore I so highly value this signification of friendship , because I so highly value humility . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,57.300) Humility & Charity are the two greatest graces in the world ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,57.301) and these are the greatest ingredients which constitute friendship and expresse it . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,57.302) But there needs no other measures of friendship , but that it may be as great as you can express it ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,57.303) beyond death it $can $not {TEXT:cannot} go , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,57.304) to death it may , when the cause is reasonable and just , charitable and religious : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,57.305) and yet if there be any thing greater then to suffer death and pain and shame to some are more insufferable a true and noble friendship shrinks not at the greatest trials , {COM:sic} (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,57.306) And yet there is a limit even to friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.308) It must be as great as our friend fairely needs in all things where we are not tied up by a former duty , to God , to our selves , or some pre-obliging relative . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.309) When Pollux heard some body whisper a reproach against his Brother Castor , he kill'd the slanderer with his fist : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.310) That was a zeal which his friendship could not warrant . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.311) Nulla est excusatio , si amici causa peccaveris , said Cicero . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.312) No friendship can excuse a sin : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.313) And this the braver Romans instanced in the matter of duty to their Country . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.314) It is not lawful to fight on our friends part against our Prince or Country ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,58.315) and therefore when Caius Blosius of Cuma , in the sedition of Gracchus , appeared against his Country , when he was taken he answered , that he loved Tiberius Gracchus so dearly , that he thought fit to follow him whithersoever he lead ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,59.316) and begg'd pardon upon that account . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,59.317) They who were his Judges were so noble , that though they knew it no fair excuse ; yet for the honour of friendship they did not directly reject his motion : but put him to death , because he did not follow , but led on Gracchus and brought his friend into the snare : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,59.318) For so they preserved the honours of friendship on either hand , by neither-1 suffering it to be sullied by a foul excuse , nor yet rejected in any fair pretence . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,59.319) A man may not be perjured for his friend . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,59.320) I remember to have read in the History of the Low-countreyes , that Grimston and Redhead , when Bergenapzoom was besieged by the Duke of Parma , acted for the interest of the Queen of Englands forces a notable design ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.321) but being suspected , and put for their acquittance to take the Sacrament of the Altar , they dissembled their persons , and their interest , their design and their Religion , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.322) and did for the Queens service as one wittily wrote to her give not only their bodies , but their souls , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.323) and so deserved a reward greater then she could pay them : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.324) I $can $not {TEXT:cannot} say this is a thing greater then a friendship can require , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.325) for it is not great at all , but a great villany , which hath no name , and no order in worthy entercourses ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.326) and no obligation to a friend can reach as high as our Duty to God : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.327) And he that does a base thing in zeal for his friend , burns the golden thred that tyes their hearts together ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.328) it is a conspiracy , but no longer friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,60.329) And when Cato lent his Wife to Hortensius , and Socrates lent his to a merry Greek , they could not amongst wise persons obtain so much as the fame of being worthy friends ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.331) neither could those great Names legitimate an unworthy action under the most plausible title . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.332) It is certain that amongst friends their estates are common ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.333) that is , by whatsoever I can rescue my friend from calamity , I am to serve him , or not to call him my friend ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.334) and there is a great latitude in this ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.335) and it is to be restrained by no prudence ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.336) but when there is on the other side a great necessity neither vitious nor avoidable , A man may choose , whether he will or no ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.337) and he does not sin in not doing it , unlesse he have bound himself to it : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,61.338) But certainly friendship is the greatest band in the world ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.339) and if he have professed a great friendship , he hath a very great obligation to do that and more ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.340) and he can no way be disobliged but by the care of his Natural relations . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.341) I said Friendship is the greatest bond in the world , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.342) and I had reason for it , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.343) for it is all the bands that this world hath ; (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.344) and there is no society , and there is no relation that is worthy , but it is made so by the communications of friendship and by partaking some of its excellencies . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.345) For friendship is a transcendent , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.346) and signifies as much as Unity can mean , (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.347) and every consent , and every pleasure , and every benefit , and every society is the Mother or the Daughter of friendship . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,62.348) Some friendships are made by nature , some by contract , some by interest , and some by souls . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,63.349) And in proportion to these wayes of Uniting , so the friendships are greater or less , vertuous or natural , profitable or holy , or all this together . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,63.350) Nature makes excellent friendships , of which we observe something in social plants ; growing better in each others neighbourhood then where they stand singly : (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,63.351) And in animals it is more notorious , whose friendships extend so far as to herd and dwell together , to play , and feed , to defend and fight for one another , and to cry in absence , and to rejoyce in one anothers presence . (JETAYLORMEAS-E3-P2,63.352)