M01 0010    Now that he knew himself to be self he was free to grok ever closer
M01 0020 to his brothers, merge without let. Self's integrity was and
M01 0030 is and ever had been. Mike stopped to cherish all his brother selves,
M01 0040 the many threes-fulfilled on Mars, corporate and discorporate, the precious
M01 0050 few on Earth- the unknown powers of three on Earth that would
M01 0060 be his to merge with and cherish now that at last long waiting he
M01 0070 grokked and cherished himself.   Mike remained in trance; there
M01 0080 was much to grok, loose ends to puzzle over and fit into his growing-
M01 0090 all that he had seen and heard and been at the Archangel Foster
M01 0100 Tabernacle (not just cusp when he and Digby had come face to face alone)
M01 0110 **h why Bishop Senator Boone made him warily uneasy, how Miss
M01 0120 Dawn Ardent tasted like a water brother when she was not, the smell
M01 0130 of goodness he had incompletely grokked in the jumping up and down and
M01 0140 wailing-   Jubal's conversations coming and going- Jubal's
M01 0150 words troubled him most; he studied them, compared them with what
M01 0160 he had been taught as a nestling, struggling to bridge between languages,
M01 0170 the one he thought with and the one he was learning to think in.
M01 0180 The word "church" which turned up over and over again among Jubal's
M01 0190 words gave him knotty difficulty; there was no Martian concept
M01 0200 to match it- unless one took "church" and "worship" and
M01 0210 "God" and "congregation" and many other words and equated them
M01 0220 to the totality of the only world he had known during growing-waiting
M01 0230 **h then forced the concept back into English in that phrase which
M01 0240 had been rejected (by each differently) by Jubal, by Mahmoud, by Digby.
M01 0250    <"Thou art God">. He was closer to understanding
M01 0260 it in English now, although it could never have the inevitability of
M01 0270 the Martian concept it stood for. In his mind he spoke simultaneously
M01 0280 the English sentence and the Martian word and felt closer grokking.
M01 0290 Repeating it like a student telling himself that the jewel is in the
M01 0300 lotus he sank into nirvana.   Before midnight he speeded his
M01 0310 heart, resumed normal breathing, ran down his check list, uncurled and
M01 0320 sat up. He had been weary; now he felt light and gay and clear-headed,
M01 0330 ready for the many actions he saw spreading out before him.
M01 0340    He felt a puppyish need for company as strong as his earlier necessity
M01 0350 for quiet. He stepped out into the hall, was delighted to encounter
M01 0360 a water brother. <"Hi"!>   "Oh. Hello, Mike.
M01 0361 My,
M01 0370 you look chipper".   "I feel fine! Where is everybody"?
M01 0380    "Asleep. Ben and Stinky went home an hour ago and people
M01 0390 started going to bed".   "Oh". Mike felt disappointed
M01 0400 that Mahmoud had left; he wanted to explain his new grokking.
M01 0410    "I ought to be asleep, too, but I felt like a snack. Are you hungry"?
M01 0420    "Sure, I'm hungry"!   "Come on, there's
M01 0430 some cold chicken and we'll see what else". They went downstairs,
M01 0440 loaded a tray lavishly. "Let's take it outside. It's
M01 0450 plenty warm".   "A fine idea", Mike agreed.   "Warm
M01 0460 enough to swim- real Indian summer. I'll switch on the floods".
M01 0470    "Don't bother", Mike answered. "I'll carry the
M01 0480 tray". He could see in almost total darkness. Jubal said that his
M01 0490 night-sight probably came from the conditions in which he had grown
M01 0500 up, and Mike grokked this was true but grokked that there was more to
M01 0510 it; his foster parents had taught him to see. As for the night being
M01 0520 warm, he would have been comfortable naked on Mount Everest but
M01 0530 his water brothers had little tolerance for changes in temperature and
M01 0540 pressure; he was considerate of their weakness, once he learned of
M01 0550 it. But he was looking forward to snow- seeing for himself that each
M01 0560 tiny crystal of the water of life was a unique individual, as he had
M01 0570 read- walking barefoot, rolling in it.   In the meantime he was
M01 0580 pleased with the warm night and the still more pleasing company of
M01 0590 his water brother.   "Okay, take the tray. I'll switch on
M01 0600 the underwater lights. That'll be plenty to eat by".   "Fine".
M01 0610 Mike liked having light up through the ripples; it was a goodness,
M01 0620 beauty. They picnicked by the pool, then lay back on the grass
M01 0630 and looked at stars.   "Mike, there's Mars. It is Mars,
M01 0640 isn't it? Or Antares"?   "It is Mars".   "Mike?
M01 0650 What are they doing on Mars"?   He hesitated;
M01 0660 the question was too wide for the sparse English language. "On the
M01 0670 side toward the horizon- the southern hemisphere- it is spring;
M01 0680 plants are being taught to grow".   "'Taught to grow'"?
M01 0690    He hesitated. "Larry teaches plants to grow. I have
M01 0700 helped him. But my people- Martians, I mean; I now grok <you>
M01 0710 are my people- teach plants another way. In the other hemisphere
M01 0720 it is growing colder and nymphs, those who stayed alive through the
M01 0730 summer,
M01 0740 are being brought into nests for quickening and more growing". He
M01 0750 thought. "Of the humans we left at the equator, one has discorporated
M01 0760 and the others are sad".   Yes, I heard it in the news".
M01 0770    Mike had not heard it; he had not known it until asked.
M01 0780 "They should not be sad. Mr& Booker T& W& Jones Food Technician
M01 0790 First Class is not sad; the Old Ones have cherished him".
M01 0800    "You knew him"?   "Yes. He had his own face,
M01 0810 dark and beautiful. But he was homesick".   "Oh, dear!
M01 0820 Mike **h do you ever get homesick? For Mars"?   "At
M01 0830 first I was homesick", he answered. "I was lonely always". He
M01 0840 rolled toward her and took her in his arms. "But now I am not lonely.
M01 0850 I grok I shall never be lonely again".   "Mike darling"-
M01 0860 They kissed, and went on kissing.   Presently his water
M01 0870 brother said breathlessly. "Oh, my! That was almost worse than
M01 0880 the first time".   "You are all right, my brother"?
M01 0890    "Yes. Yes indeed. Kiss me again".   A long time later,
M01 0900 by cosmic clock, she said, "Mike? Is that- I mean, 'Do
M01 0910 you know'"-   "I know. It is for growing closer. Now we
M01 0920 grow closer".   "Well **h I've been ready a long time-
M01 0930 goodness, we <all> have, but **h never mind, dear; turn just a little.
M01 0940 I'll help".   As they merged, grokking together, Mike
M01 0950 said softly and triumphantly: "Thou art God".   Her answer
M01 0960 was not in words. Then, as their grokking made them ever closer
M01 0970 and Mike felt himself almost ready to discorporate her voice called
M01 0980 him back: "Oh! **h <Oh! Thou> art God"!   "We
M01 0990 grok God". #/25,.# On Mars humans were building pressure
M01 1000 domes for the male and female party that would arrive by next ship. This
M01 1010 went faster than scheduled as the Martians were helpful. Part of
M01 1020 the time saved was spent on a preliminary estimate for a long-distance
M01 1030 plan to free bound oxygen in the sands of Mars to make the planet more
M01 1040 friendly to future human generations.   The Old Ones neither
M01 1050 helped nor hindered this plan; time was not yet. Their meditations
M01 1060 were approaching a violent cusp that would shape Martian art for
M01 1070 many millennia. On Earth elections continued and a very advanced poet
M01 1080 published a limited edition of verse consisting entirely of punctuation
M01 1090 marks and spaces; <Time> magazine reviewed it and suggested that
M01 1100 the Federation Assembly Daily Record should be translated into
M01 1110 the medium.   A colossal campaign opened to sell more sexual organs
M01 1120 of plants and Mrs& Joseph ("Shadow of Greatness") Douglas
M01 1130 was quoted as saying: "I would no more sit down without flowers
M01 1140 on my table than without serviettes". A Tibetan swami from Palermo,
M01 1150 Sicily, announced in Beverly Hills a newly discovered, ancient
M01 1160 yoga discipline for ripple breathing which increased both pranha and
M01 1170 cosmic attraction between sexes. His chelas were required to assume
M01 1180 the
M01 1190 matsyendra posture dressed in hand-woven diapers while he read aloud
M01 1200 from Rig-Veda and an assistant guru examined their purses in another
M01 1210 room- nothing was stolen; the purpose was less immediate.
M01 1220    The President of the United States proclaimed the first Sunday
M01 1230 in November as "National Grandmothers' Day" and urged America
M01 1240 to say it with flowers. A funeral parlor chain was indicted for price-cutting.
M01 1250 Fosterite bishops, after secret conclave, announced the
M01 1260 Church's second Major Miracle: Supreme Bishop Digby had been
M01 1270 translated bodily to Heaven and spot-promoted to Archangel, ranking
M01 1280 with-but-after Archangel Foster. The glorious news had been held up
M01 1290 pending Heavenly confirmation of the elevation of a new Supreme Bishop,
M01 1300 Huey Short- a candidate accepted by the Boone faction after
M01 1310 lots had been cast repeatedly.   <L'Unita> and <Hoy> published
M01 1320 identical denunciations of Short's elevation, <l'Osservatore
M01 1330 Romano> and the <Christian Science Monitor> ignored it,
M01 1340 <Times of India> snickered at it, and the Manchester <Guardian>
M01 1350 simply reported it- the Fosterites in England were few but extremely
M01 1360 militant.   Digby was not pleased with his promotion. The
M01 1370 Man from Mars had interrupted him with his work half finished- and
M01 1380 that stupid jackass Short was certain to louse it up. Foster listened
M01 1390 with angelic patience until Digby ran down, then said, "Listen,
M01 1400 junior, you're an angel now- so forget it. Eternity is no time for
M01 1410 recriminations. You too were a stupid jackass until you poisoned me.
M01 1420 Afterwards you did well enough. Now that Short is Supreme Bishop
M01 1430 he'll do all right, he can't help it. Same as with the Popes.
M01 1440 Some of them were warts until they got promoted. Check with one of
M01 1450 them, go ahead- there's no professional jealousy here".
M01 1460 Digby calmed down, but made one request.   Foster shook his halo.
M01 1470 "You can't touch him. You shouldn't have tried to. Oh, you
M01 1480 can submit a requisition for a miracle if you want to make a fool of
M01 1490 yourself. But, I'm telling you, it'll be turned down- you don't
M01 1500 understand the System yet. The Martians have their own setup, different
M01 1510 from ours, and as long as they need him, we can't touch him.
M01 1520 They run their show their way- the Universe has variety, something
M01 1530 for everybody- a fact you field workers often miss".   "You
M01 1540 mean this punk can brush me aside and I've got to hold still for
M01 1550 it"?   "I held still for the same thing, didn't I?
M01 1560 I'm helping you now, am I not? Now look, there's work to be
M01 1570 done and lots of it. The Boss wants performance, not gripes. If you
M01 1580 need a Day off to calm down, duck over to the Muslim Paradise and
M01 1590 take it. Otherwise, straighten your halo, square your wings, and dig
M01 1600 in. The sooner you act like an angel the quicker you'll feel angelic.
M01 1610 Get Happy, junior"!   Digby heaved a deep ethereal sigh.
M01 1620 "Okay, I'm Happy. Where do I start"?   Jubal did
M01 1630 not hear of Digby's disappearance when it was announced, and, when
M01 1640 he did, while he had a fleeting suspicion, he dismissed it; if Mike
M01 1650 had had a finger in it, he had gotten away with it- and what happened
M01 1660 to supreme bishops worried Jubal not at all as long as he wasn't
M01 1670 bothered.   His household had gone through an upset. Jubal deduced
M01 1680 what had happened but did not know with whom- and didn't want
M01 1690 to inquire. Mike was of legal age and presumed able to defend himself
M01 1700 in the clinches. Anyhow, it was high time the boy was salted.
M01 1710    Jubal couldn't reconstruct the crime from the way the girls behaved
M01 1720 because patterns kept shifting- ~ABC ~<vs> ~D, then ~BCD
M01 1730 ~<vs> ~A **h or ~AB ~<vs> ~CD, or ~AD
M01 1740 ~<vs>
M01 1750 ~CB, through all ways that four women can gang up on each
M01 1760 other.   This continued most of the week following that ill-starred
M01 1770 trip to church, during which period Mike stayed in his room and usually
M01 1780 in a trance so deep that Jubal would have pronounced him dead
M01 1790 had he not seen it before. Jubal would not have minded it if service
M01 1800 had not gone to pieces. The girls seemed to spend half their time tiptoeing
M01 1810 in "to see if Mike was all right" and they were too preoccupied
M01 1820 to cook, much less be secretaries. Even rock-steady Anne- Hell,
M01 1830 Anne was the worst! Absent-minded, subject to unexplained tears
M01 1840 **h Jubal would have bet his life that if Anne were to witness the
M01 1850 Second Coming, she would memorize date, time, personae, events, and
M01 1860 barometric pressure without batting her calm blue eyes.
M02 0010 The expense and time involved are astronomical. However, we sent a third
M02 0020 vessel out, a much smaller and faster one than the first two. We
M02 0030 have learned much about interstellar drives since a hundred years ago;
M02 0040 that is all I can tell you about them.   "But the third ship
M02 0050 came back several years ago and reported **h"   "That it
M02 0060 had found a planet on which human beings could live and which was already
M02 0070 inhabited by sentient beings"! said Hal, forgetting in his enthusiasm
M02 0080 that he had not been asked to speak.   Macneff stopped
M02 0090 pacing to stare at Hal with his pale blue eyes.   "How did you
M02 0100 know"? he said sharply.   "Forgive me, Sandalphon",
M02 0110 said Hal. "But it was inevitable! Did not the Forerunner predict
M02 0120 in his <Time and the World Line> that such a planet would be found?
M02 0130 I believe it was on page 573"!   Macneff smiled and
M02 0140 said, "I am glad that your scriptural lessons have left such an impression".
M02 0150    How could they not? thought Hal. Besides, they
M02 0160 were not the only impressions. I still bear scars on my back where
M02 0170 Pornsen, my <gapt>, whipped me because I had not learned my lessons
M02 0180 well enough. He was a good impresser, that Pornsen. Was? Is!
M02 0181 As I
M02 0190 grew older and was promoted, so was he, always where I was. He was
M02 0200 my <gapt> in the creche. He was the dormitory <gapt> when I went
M02 0210 to college and thought I was getting away from him. He is now my block
M02 0220 <gapt>. He is the one responsible for my getting such low M&
M02 0230 R&'s.   Swiftly, came the revulsion, the protest. No, not
M02 0240 he, for I, and I alone, am responsible for whatever happens to me.
M02 0250 If I get a low M& R&, I do so because I want it that way or
M02 0260 my dark self does. If I die, I die because I willed it so. So, forgive
M02 0270 me, Sigmen, for the contrary-to-reality thoughts!   "Please
M02 0280 pardon me again, Sandalphon", said Hal. "But did the expedition
M02 0290 find any records of the Forerunner having been on this planet?
M02 0300 Perhaps, even, though this is too much to wish, find the Forerunner
M02 0310 himself"?   "No", said Macneff. "Though that does
M02 0320 not mean that there may not be such records there. The expedition
M02 0330 was under orders to make a swift survey of conditions and then to return
M02 0340 to Earth. I can't tell you now the distance in lightyears or what
M02 0350 star this was, though you can see it with the naked eye at night in
M02 0360 this hemisphere. If you volunteer, you will be told where you're going
M02 0370 after the ship leaves. And it leaves very soon".   "You
M02 0380 need a linguist"? said Hal.   "The ship is huge", said
M02 0390 Macneff, "but the number of military men and specialists we are taking
M02 0400 limits the linguists to one. We have considered several of your
M02 0410 professionals because they were <lamechians> and above suspicion. Unfortunately
M02 0420 **h"   Hal waited: Macneff paced some more, frowning.
M02 0430 Then, he said, "Unfortunately, only one <lamechian> linguist
M02 0440 exists, and he is too old for this expedition. Therefore **h"
M02 0450    "A thousand pardons", said Hal. "But I have just thought
M02 0460 of one thing. I am married".   "No problem at all",
M02 0470 said Macneff. "There will be no women aboard the <Gabriel>. And,
M02 0480 if a man is married, he will automatically be given a divorce".
M02 0490    Hal gasped, and he said, "A divorce"?   Macneff raised
M02 0500 his hands apologetically and said, "You are horrified, of course.
M02 0510 But, from our reading of the <Western Talmud>, we Urielites
M02 0520 believe that the Forerunner, knowing this situation would arise, made
M02 0530 reference to and provision for divorce. It's inevitable in this case,
M02 0540 for the couple will be separated for, at the least, forty years. Naturally,
M02 0550 he couched the provision in obscure language. In his great
M02 0560 and glorious wisdom, he knew that our enemies the Israelites must not
M02 0570 be able to read therein what we planned".   "I volunteer",
M02 0580 said Hal. "Tell me more, Sandalphon". ## Six months later,
M02 0590 Hal Yarrow stood in the observation dome of the <Gabriel> and
M02 0600 watched the ball of Earth dwindle above him. It was night on this hemisphere,
M02 0610 but the light blazed from the megalopolises of Australia,
M02 0620 Japan, China, Southeast Asia, India, Siberia. Hal, the linguist,
M02 0630 saw the glittering discs and necklaces in terms of the languages spoken
M02 0640 therein. Australia, the Philippine Islands, Japan, and northern
M02 0650 China were inhabited by those members of the Haijac Union that spoke
M02 0660 American.   Southern China, all of southeast Asia, southern
M02 0670 India and Ceylon, these states of the Malay Federation spoke Bazaar.
M02 0680    Siberia spoke Icelandic.   His mind turned the globe
M02 0690 swiftly for him, and he visualized Africa, which used Swahili south
M02 0700 of the Sahara Sea. All around the Mediterranean Sea, Asia Minor,
M02 0710 northern India, and Tibet, Hebrew was the native tongue. In
M02 0720 southern Europe, between the Israeli Republics and the Icelandic-speaking
M02 0730 peoples of northern Europe, was a thin but long stretch of territory
M02 0740 called March. This was no man's land, disputed by the Haijac
M02 0750 Union and the Israeli Republic, a potential source of war for
M02 0760 the last two hundred years. Neither nation would give up their claim
M02 0770 on it, yet neither wished to make any move that might lead to a second
M02 0780 Apocalyptic War. So, for all practical purposes, it was an independent
M02 0790 nation and by now had its own organized government (unrecognized
M02 0800 outside its own borders). Its citizens spoke all of the world's surviving
M02 0810 tongues, plus a new one called Lingo, a pidgin whose vocabulary
M02 0820 was derived from the other six and whose syntax was so simple it could
M02 0830 be contained on half a sheet of paper.   Hal saw in his mind
M02 0840 the rest of Earth: Iceland, Greenland, the Caribbean Islands,
M02 0850 and the eastern half of South America. Here the peoples spoke the tongue
M02 0860 of Iceland because that island had gotten the jump on the Hawaiian-Americans
M02 0870 who were busy resettling North America and the western
M02 0880 half of South America after the Apocalyptic War.   Then
M02 0890 there was North America, where American was the native speech of all
M02 0900 except the twenty descendants of French-Canadians living on the Hudson
M02 0910 Bay Preserve.   Hal knew that when that side of Earth
M02 0920 rotated into the night zone, Sigmen City would blaze out into space.
M02 0930 And, somewhere in that enormous light, was his apartment. But Mary
M02 0940 would soon no longer be living there, for she would be notified in a
M02 0950 few days that her husband had died in an accident while on a flight to
M02 0960 Tahiti. She would weep in private, he was sure, for she loved him
M02 0970 in her frigid way, though in public she would be dry-eyed. Her friends
M02 0980 and professional associates would sympathize with her, not because she
M02 0990 had lost a beloved husband, but because she had been married to a man
M02 1000 who thought unrealistically. If Hal Yarrow had been killed in a
M02 1010 crash, he must have wanted it that way. There was no such thing as an
M02 1020 "accident". Somehow, all the other passengers (also supposed to
M02 1030 have died in this web of elaborate frauds to cover up the disappearance
M02 1040 of the personnel of the <Gabriel>) had simultaneously "agreed"
M02 1050 to die. And, therefore, being in disgrace, they would not be cremated
M02 1060 and their ashes flung to the winds in public ceremony. No, the fish
M02 1070 could eat their bodies for all the Sturch cared.   Hal felt
M02 1080 sorry for Mary; he had a time keeping the tears from welling to his
M02 1090 own eyes as he stood in the crowd in the observation dome.   Yet,
M02 1100 he told himself, this was the best way. He and Mary would no longer
M02 1110 have to tear and rend at each other; their mutual torture would be
M02 1120 over. Mary was free to marry again, not knowing that the Sturch had
M02 1130 secretly given her a divorce, thinking that death had dissolved her
M02 1140 marriage. She would have a year in which to make up her mind, to choose
M02 1150 a mate from a list selected by her <gapt>. Perhaps, the psychological
M02 1160 barriers that had prevented her from conceiving Hal's child would
M02 1170 no longer be present. Perhaps. Hal doubted if this happy event
M02 1180 would occur. Mary was as frozen below the navel as he. No matter who
M02 1190 the candidate for marriage selected by the <gapt> **h   The
M02 1200 <gapt>. Pornsen. He would no longer have to see that fat face, hear
M02 1210 that whining voice **h   "Hal Yarrow"! said the whining
M02 1220 voice.   And, slowly, feeling himself icy yet burning, Hal turned.
M02 1230    There was the squat loose-jowled man, smiling lopsidedly
M02 1240 up at him.   "My beloved ward, my perennial gadfly", said the
M02 1250 whining voice. "I had no idea that you, too, would be on this glorious
M02 1260 voyage. But I might have known! We seem to be bound by love;
M02 1270 Sigmen himself must have foreseen it. Love to you, my ward".
M02 1280    "Sigmen love you, too, my guardian", said Hal, choking. "How
M02 1290 wonderful to see your cherished self. I had thought we would never
M02 1300 again speak to each other". #5# THE <Gabriel> pointed
M02 1310 towards her destination and, under one-gee acceleration, began to build
M02 1320 up towards her ultimate velocity, 99.1 percent of the speed of light.
M02 1330 Meanwhile, all the personnel except those few needed to carry out
M02 1340 the performance of the ship, went into the suspensor. Here they would
M02 1350 lie in suspended animation for many years. Some time later, after
M02 1360 a check had been made of all automatic equipment, the crew would join
M02 1370 the others. They would sleep while the <Gabriel's> drive would increase
M02 1380 the acceleration to a point which the unfrozen bodies of the personnel
M02 1390 could not have endured. Upon reaching the desired speed, the
M02 1400 automatic equipment would cut off the drive, and the silent but not empty
M02 1410 vessel would hurl towards the star which was its journey's end.
M02 1420    Many years later, the photon-counting apparatus in the nose of
M02 1430 the ship would determine that the star was close enough to actuate deceleration.
M02 1440 Again, a force too strong for unfrozen bodies to endure
M02 1450 would be applied. Then, after slowing the vessel considerably, the drive
M02 1460 would adjust to a one-gee deceleration. And the crew would be automatically
M02 1470 brought out of their suspended animation. These members would
M02 1480 then unthaw the rest of the personnel. And, in the half-year left
M02 1490 before reaching their destination, the men would carry out whatever
M02 1500 preparations were needed.   Hal Yarrow was among the last to go
M02 1510 into the suspensor and among the first to come out. He had to study
M02 1520 the recordings of the language of the chief nation of Ozagen, Siddo.
M02 1530 And, from the first, he faced a difficult task. The expedition that
M02 1540 had discovered Ozagen had succeeded in correlating two thousand Siddo
M02 1550 words with an equal number of American words. The description of
M02 1560 the Siddo syntax was very restricted. And, as Hal found out, obviously
M02 1570 mistaken in many cases.
M02 1580    This discovery caused Hal anxiety.
M02 1590 His duty was to write a school text and to teach the entire personnel
M02 1600 of the <Gabriel> how to speak Ozagen. Yet, if he used all of the
M02 1610 little means at his disposal, he would be instructing his students
M02 1620 wrongly. Moreover, even getting this across would be difficult.
M02 1630    For one thing, the organs of speech of the Ozagen natives differed
M02 1640 somewhat from Earthmen's; the sounds made by these organs were,
M02 1650 therefore, dissimilar. It was true that they could be approximated,
M02 1660 but would the Ozagenians understand these approximations?   Another
M02 1670 obstacle was the grammatical construction of Siddo. Consider
M02 1680 the tense system. Instead of inflecting a verb or using an unattached
M02 1690 particle to indicate the past or future, Siddo used an entirely different
M02 1700 word. Thus, the masculine animate infinitive <dabhumaksanigalu'ahai,>
M02 1710 meaning <to live>, was, in the perfect tense, <ksu'u'peli'afo>,
M02 1720 and, in the future, <mai'teipa>. The same use of
M02 1730 an entirely different word applied for all the other tenses. Plus the
M02 1740 fact that Siddo not only had the normal (to Earthmen) three genders
M02 1750 of masculine, feminine, and neuter, but the two extra of inanimate and
M02 1760 spiritual. Fortunately, gender was inflected, though the expression
M02 1770 of it would be difficult for anybody not born in Siddo. The system
M02 1780 of indicating gender varied according to tense.   All the other
M02 1790 parts of speech: nouns, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, and conjunctions
M02 1800 operated under the same system as the verbs.
M03 0010 This was not, for the Angel, just a matter of running through a logical
M03 0020 or deductive chain, or deciding on some action from some already
M03 0030 established premise. No doubt the Angels could do that kind of thing
M03 0040 as fast as any computer.   What Gabriel was being asked to do
M03 0050 now, however, was to re-examine all his basic assumptions, make value-judgments
M03 0060 on them, and give them new and different powers in his mind
M03 0070 to govern his motives. This is not wholly a reasoning process- a computer
M03 0080 cannot do it all- and even in an Angel it takes time. (Or,
M03 0090 perhaps, <especially> in an Angel, whose assumptions had mostly been
M03 0100 fixed millions of years ago.)   Being reasonably sure of the
M03 0110 reason for the long pause, however, did not make it seem any less long
M03 0120 to Jack. He had already become used to Hesperus' snapping back answers
M03 0130 to questions almost before Jack could get them asked.   There
M03 0140 was nothing he could do but wait. The dice were cast.   At
M03 0150 last Gabriel spoke.   "We misjudged you", he said slowly.
M03 0160 "We had concluded that no race as ephemeral as yours could have had
M03 0170 time to develop a sense of justice. Of course we have before us the
M03 0180 example of the great races at the galactic center; individually they
M03 0190 are nearly as mortal as you- the difference does not seem very marked
M03 0200 to us, where it exists. But they have survived for long periods <as
M03 0210 races>, whereas you are young. We shall recommend to them that
M03 0220 they shorten your trial period by half.   "For now, it is clear
M03 0230 that we were in the wrong. You may reclaim your property, and the
M03 0240 penalty on Hesperus is lifted. Hesperus, you may speak".   "I
M03 0250 did not perceive this essential distinction either, First-Born",
M03 0260 Hesperus said at once, "I was only practicing a concept that Jack
M03 0270 taught me, called a deal".   "Nevertheless, you were its
M03 0280 agent. Jack, what is the nature of this concept"?   "It's
M03 0290 a kind of agreement in which each party gives something to the other",
M03 0300 Jack said. "We regard it as fair only when each party feels
M03 0310 that what he has received is as valuable, or more valuable, than what
M03 0320 he has given". His heart, he discovered, was pounding. "For
M03 0330 instance, Hesperus agreed to help me find my property, and I agreed
M03 0340 to take him to Earth. Between individuals, this process is called
M03 0350 bargaining. When it is done between races or nations, it is called
M03 0360 making a treaty. And the major part of my mission to your nest is to
M03 0370 make a treaty between your race and mine. Recovering the property was
M03 0380 much less important".   "Strange", Gabriel said. "And
M03 0390 apparently impossible. Though it might be that we would have much to
M03 0400 give you, you have nothing to give us".   "Hesperus and Lucifer",
M03 0410 Jack said, "show that we do".   Another pause;
M03 0420 but this one was not nearly as long.   "Then it is a matter of
M03 0430 pleasure; of curiosity; of a more alive time. Yes, those could
M03 0440 be commodities under this concept. But you should understand, Jack,
M03 0450 that Hesperus and Lucifer are not long out of the nursery. Visiting
M03 0460 the Earth would not be an offering of worth to those of us who are older".
M03 0470    This explained a great deal. "All the more reason,
M03 0480 then", Jack said, "why we must have a treaty. We will gladly entertain
M03 0490 your young and give them proper living quarters, in return for
M03 0500 their help in running our fusion reactors. But we must know if this
M03 0510 is in accordance with your customs, and must have your agreement they
M03 0520 will not misuse the power we put in their hands, to our hurt".
M03 0530    "But this simply requires that they behave in accordance with the
M03 0540 dictates of their own natures, and respect yours in turn. To this
M03 0550 we
M03 0560 of course agree".   Jack felt a wave of complete elation, but
M03 0570 in a second it had vanished without a trace. What Gabriel was asking
M03 0580 was that mankind forego all its parochial moral judgments, and contract
M03 0590 to let the Angels serve on Earth as it is in Heaven <regardless>
M03 0600 of the applicable Earth laws. The Angels in turn would exercise
M03 0610 similar restraints in respect for the natural preferences and natures
M03 0620 of the Earthmen- but they had no faintest notion of man's perverse
M03 0630 habit of passing and enforcing laws which were contrary to his own
M03 0640 preferences and violations of his nature.   The simple treaty principle
M03 0650 that Gabriel was asking him to ratify, in short, was nothing
M03 0660 less than total trust.   Nothing less would serve. And it might
M03 0670 be, considering the uncomfortable custom the Angels had of thinking
M03 0680 of everything in terms of absolutes, that the proposal of anything less
M03 0690 might well amount instead to something like a declaration of war.
M03 0700    Furthermore, even the highly trained law clerk who was a part of
M03 0710 Jack's total make-up could not understand how the principle could
M03 0720 ever be codified. Almost the whole experience of mankind pointed toward
M03 0730 suspicion, not trust, as the safest and sanest attitude toward all
M03 0740 outsiders.   Yet there was some precedent for it. The history of
M03 0750 disarmament agreements, for instance, had been unreassuringly dismal;
M03 0760 but the United States and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
M03 0770 nevertheless did eventually agree on an atomic bomb test ban, and
M03 0780 a sort of provisional acceptance of each other's good intentions on
M03 0790 this limited question. Out of that agreement, though not by any easy
M03 0800 road, eventually emerged the present world hegemony of the United Nations;
M03 0810 suspicion between member states still existed, but it was of
M03 0820 about the same low order of virulence as the twentieth-century rivalry
M03 0830 between Arizona and California over water supplies.   Besides,
M03 0840 agreements "in principle", with the petty details to be thrashed
M03 0850 out later, were commonplace in diplomatic history. The trouble with
M03 0860 them was that they almost never worked, and in fact an agreement "in
M03 0870 principle" historically turned out to be a sure sign that neither
M03 0880 party really wanted the quarrel settled.   Suppose that this one
M03 0890 were to work? There was no question in Jack's mind of the good
M03 0900 faith on one side, at least. If mankind could be convinced of that **h
M03 0910    It was worth trying. In fact, it had to be tried. It would
M03 0920 be at once the most tentative and most final treaty that Earth had
M03 0930 ever signed. Secretary Hart had taught Jack, at least partially, to
M03 0940 be content with small beginnings in all diplomatic matters; but there
M03 0950 was no small way to handle this one.   He turned back to the
M03 0960 screens, the crucial, conclusive phrase on his lips. But he was too late.
M03 0970 He had lost his audience. ## For a moment he could make no
M03 0980 sense at all of what he saw. It seemed to be only a riot of color, light
M03 0990 and meaningless activity. Gradually, he realized that the pentagon
M03 1000 of Angel elders had vanished, and that the ritual learning dance of
M03 1010 the nursery had been broken up. The Angels in the nursery were zigzagging
M03 1020 wildly in all directions, seemingly at random.   "Hesperus!
M03 1030 What's going on here? What's happened"?   "Your
M03 1040 brothers have been found. They are on their way here".
M03 1050 "Where? I don't see them. The instruments don't show them".
M03 1060    "You can't see them yet, Jack. They'll be in range
M03 1070 in a short while".   Jack scanned the skies, the boards, and
M03 1080 the skies again. Nothing. No- there was a tiny pip on the radar;
M03 1090 and it was getting bigger rapidly. If that was the skiff, it was making
M03 1100 unprecedented speed.   Then the skiff hove into sight, just
M03 1110 a dot of light at first against the roiling blackness and crimson streaks
M03 1120 of the Coal Sack. Through the telescope, Jack could see that
M03 1130 both spacesuits were still attached to it. The sail was still unfurled,
M03 1140 though there were a good many holes in it, as Langer had predicted
M03 1150 would be the case by now.   It was a startling, almost numenous
M03 1160 sight; but even more awesome was the fact that it was trailing an
M03 1170 enormous comet's-tail of Angels.   The skiff was not heading
M03 1180 for the nursery, however. It seemed unlikely that her crew, if either
M03 1190 of them were alive, could even see the <Ariadne>, for they were passing
M03 1200 her at a distance of nearly a light-year. And there would be no
M03 1210 chance of signaling them- without the Nernst generator Jack could
M03 1220 not send a call powerful enough to get through all the static, and by
M03 1230 the time he could rebuild his fusion power the skiff would be gone.
M03 1240    Fuming, helpless, he watched them pass him. The sail, ragged
M03 1250 though it was, still had enough surface to catch some of the ocean of
M03 1260 power being poured out from the nursery stars. He would never have believed,
M03 1270 without seeing it, that the bizarre little vessel could go so
M03 1280 fast.   But where was it going? And why was it causing so much
M03 1290 agitation among the Angels, and being followed by so many of them?
M03 1300    There was only one possible answer, but Jack's horrified
M03 1310 mind refused to believe it until he had fed the radar plots of the skiff's
M03 1320 course into the computer. The curve on the card the computer
M03 1330 spat back at him couldn't be argued with, however.   The skiff
M03 1340 was headed for the very center of the nebula- toward that place which,
M03 1350 Jack knew now, could hold nothing less important than the very core
M03 1360 of the Angel's life and religion.   It was clear that Langer
M03 1370 had at last found a way to attract the Angel's attention.
M03 1375    It was equally clear that as of this moment, the treaty was off.
M03 1380 #STERN CHASE 10# LANGER WOULD HAVE to be headed off, whether
M03 1390 he knew where he was going or not. Almost surely he did; after all,
M03 1400 he had had the same set of facts as Jack had had to work from, and
M03 1410 he was an almost frighteningly observant man. But not having talked
M03 1420 to the Angels, he had made a wrong turn in his reasoning somewhere along
M03 1430 the line. Had he decided, perhaps, that the center of the cloud
M03 1435 was
M03 1440 a center of government, instead of a center of life and faith"?
M03 1450    But it didn't matter now whether he meant to invade the Holy
M03 1460 of Holies, or was simply headed in that direction by accident. If
M03 1470 it was intentional, it was now also unnecessary; and whether intentional
M03 1480 or not, the outcome would be disastrous.   Jack crawled under
M03 1490 the boards and restored the six feet of lead line he had excised from
M03 1500 the Nernst generator switch. When he was back on his feet again
M03 1510 and about to reinstall the fuses, however, he hesitated.   He had
M03 1520 to have fusion power to catch up with the skiff, and he had to have
M03 1530 it fast. But fusion power in the Coal Sack was what had triggered
M03 1540 all the trouble in the first place- and he already had an Angel aboard.
M03 1550    "Hesperus"?   "Receiving".   "I'm
M03 1560 going to turn my generator back on, as I promised to do. But I can't
M03 1570 take you to Earth yet. First I've got to intercept my brothers
M03 1580 before they get any deeper into trouble. Will you obstruct this,
M03 1590 or will you help? I know it's not part of the bargain, and your
M03 1600 elders might not like it".   "Nobody else can live in your
M03 1610 hearth while I am in it", Hesperus said promptly. "As for my elders,
M03 1620 they have already admitted that they were wrong. If because of
M03 1630 this incident they become angry with Earth, I will not be permitted
M03 1640 to go there at all. Therefore of course I will help".   With
M03 1650 a short-lived sigh of relief, Jack plugged the fuses back in and threw
M03 1660 the switch. Without an instant's transition, the green light that
M03 1670 meant full fusion power winked on the board. Always before, it had
M03 1680 taken five minutes to-   Of course. Hesperus was in there. From
M03 1690 here on out, the <Ariadne> was going to be hotter than any space
M03 1700 cruiser man had ever dreamed of.   But since he had failed to
M03 1710 anticipate it, he lost the five minutes anyhow, in plotting an intercept
M03 1720 orbit.   "Hesperus, don't use this ~<t-tau> vector
M03 1730 trick of yours, please.
M04 0010    Ryan hefted his bulk up and supported it on one elbow. He rubbed
M04 0020 his eyes sleepily with one huge paw. "Ekstrohm, Nogol, you guys
M04 0030 okay"?   "Nothing wrong with me that couldn't be cured",
M04 0040 Nogol said. He didn't say what would cure him; he had been
M04 0050 explaining all during the trip what he needed to make him feel like himself.
M04 0060 His small black eyes darted inside the olive oval of his face.
M04 0070    "Ekstrohm"? Ryan insisted.   "Okay".
M04 0075 "Well, let's
M04 0080 take a ground-level look at the country around here".
M04 0090    The facsiport rolled open on the landscape. A range of bluffs
M04 0100 hugged the horizon, the color of decaying moss. Above them, the sky
M04 0110 was the black of space, or the almost equal black of the winter sky above
M04 0120 Minneapolis, seen against neon-lit snow. That cold, empty sky was
M04 0130 full of fire and light. It seemed almost a magnification of the Galaxy
M04 0140 itself, of the Milky Way, blown up by some master photographer.
M04 0150    This fiery swath was actually only a belt of minor planets,
M04 0160 almost like the asteroid belt in the original Solar System. These
M04 0170 planets were much bigger, nearly all capable of holding an atmosphere.
M04 0180 But to the infuriation of scientists, for no known reason not all of
M04 0190 them did. This would be the fifth mapping expedition to the planetoids
M04 0200 of Yancy-6 in three generations. They lay months away from the nearest
M04 0210 Earth star by jump drive, and no one knew what they were good for,
M04 0220 although it was felt that they would probably be good for something
M04 0230 if it could only be discovered- much like the continent of Antarctica
M04 0240 in ancient history.   "How can a planet with so many neighbors
M04 0250 be so lonely"? Ryan asked. He was the captain, so he could
M04 0260 ask questions like that.   "Some can be lonely in a crowd",
M04 0270 Nogol said elaborately. ## "WHAT will we need outside, Ryan"?
M04 0280 Ekstrohm asked.   "No helmets", the captain answered.
M04 0290 "We can breathe out there, all right. It just won't be easy.
M04 0300 This old world lost all of its helium and trace gases long ago. Nitrogen
M04 0310 and oxygen are about it".   "Ryan, look over there",
M04 0320 Nogol said. "Animals. Ringing the ship. Think they're intelligent,
M04 0330 maybe hostile"?   "I think they're dead", Ekstrohm
M04 0340 interjected quietly. "I get no readings from them at all. Sonic,
M04 0350 electronic, galvanic- all blank. According to these needles, they're
M04 0360 stone dead".   "Ekstrohm, you and I will have a look",
M04 0370 Ryan said. "You hold down the fort, Nogol. Take it easy".
M04 0380    "Easy", Nogol confirmed. "I heard a story once about
M04 0390 a rookie who got excited when the captain stepped outside and he couldn't
M04 0400 get an encephalographic reading on him. Me, I know the mind
M04 0410 of an officer works in a strange and unfathomable manner".   "I'm
M04 0420 not worried about you mis-reading the dials, Nogol, just about
M04 0430 a lug like you reading them at all. Remember, when the little hand
M04 0440 is straight up that's negative. Positive results start when it goes
M04 0450 towards the hand you use to make your mark".   "But I'm
M04 0460 ambidextrous".   Ryan told him what he could do then.   Ekstrohm
M04 0470 smiled, and followed the captain through the airlock with only
M04 0480 a glance at the lapel gauge on his coverall. The strong negative field
M04 0490 his suit set up would help to repel bacteria and insects.   Actually,
M04 0500 the types of infection that could attack a warm-blooded mammal
M04 0510 were not infinite, and over the course of the last few hundred years
M04 0520 adequate defenses had been found for all basic categories. He wasn't
M04 0530 likely to come down with hot chills and puzzling striped fever.
M04 0540    They ignored the ladder down to the planet surface and, with only
M04 0550 a glance at the seismological gauge to judge surface resistance, dropped
M04 0560 to the ground.   It was day, but in the thin atmosphere contrasts
M04 0570 were sharp between light and shadow. They walked from midnight
M04 0580 to noon, noon to midnight, and came to the beast sprawled on its side.
M04 0590    Ekstrohm nudged it with a boot. "Hey, this is pretty close
M04 0600 to a wart-hog".   "Uh-huh", Ryan admitted. "One of the
M04 0610 best matches I've ever found. Well, it has to happen. Statistical
M04 0620 average and all. Still, it sometimes gives you a creepy feeling to
M04 0630 find a rabbit or a snapping turtle on some strange world. It makes
M04 0640 you wonder if this exploration business isn't all some big joke, and
M04 0650 somebody has been <everywhere> before you even started". ## THE
M04 0660 surveyor looked sidewise at the captain. The big man seldom
M04 0670 gave out with such thoughts. Ekstrohm cleared his throat. "What shall
M04 0680 we do with this one? Dissect it"?   Ryan nudged it with
M04 0690 his toe, following Ekstrohm's example. "I don't know, Stormy.
M04 0700 It sure as hell doesn't look like any dominant intelligent species
M04 0710 to me. No hands, for one thing. Of course, that's not definite
M04 0720 proof".   "No, it isn't", Ekstrohm said.   "I
M04 0730 think we'd better let it lay until we get a clearer picture of the ecological
M04 0740 setup around here. In the meantime, we might be thinking on
M04 0750 the problem all these dead beasts represent. What killed them"?
M04 0760    "It looks like we did, when we made blastdown".   "But
M04 0770 <what> about our landing was lethal to the creatures"?
M04 0780    "Radiation"? Ekstrohm suggested. "The planet is very low
M04 0790 in radiation from mineral deposits, and the atmosphere seems to shield
M04 0800 out most of the solar output. Any little dose of radiation might knock
M04 0810 off these critters".   "I don't know about that. Maybe
M04 0820 it would work the other way. Maybe because they have had virtually
M04 0830 no radioactive exposure and don't have any ~R's stored up, they
M04 0840 could take a <lot> without harm".   "Then maybe it was the
M04 0850 shockwave we set up. Or maybe it's sheer xenophobia. They curl
M04 0860 up and die at the sight of something strange and alien- like a spaceship".
M04 0870    "Maybe", the captain admitted. "At this stage
M04 0880 of the game anything could be possible. But there's one possibility
M04 0890 I particularly don't like".   "And that is"?
M04 0900 "Suppose it was <not> us
M04 0910 that killed these aliens. Suppose it is something
M04 0920 right on the planet, native to it. I just hope it doesn't work
M04 0930 on Earthmen too. These critters went real sudden". ## EKSTROHM
M04 0940 lay in his bunk and thought, the camp is quiet.   The
M04 0950 Earthmen made camp outside the spaceship. There was no reason to leave
M04 0960 the comfortable quarters inside the ship, except that, faced with
M04 0970 a possibility of sleeping on solid ground, they simply had to get out.
M04 0980    The camp was a cluster of aluminum bubbles, ringed with a spy
M04 0990 web to alert the Earthmen to the approach of any being.   Each
M04 1000 man had a bubble to himself, privacy after the long period of enforced
M04 1010 intimacy on board the ship.   Ekstrohm lay in his bunk and listened
M04 1020 to the sounds of the night on Yancey-6 138. There was a keening
M04 1030 of wind, and a cracking of the frozen ground. Insects there were on
M04 1040 the world, but they were frozen solid during the night, only to revive
M04 1050 and thaw in the morning sun.   The bunk he lay on was much more
M04 1060 uncomfortable than the acceleration couches on board. Yet he knew the
M04 1070 others were sleeping more soundly, now that they had renewed their
M04 1080 contact with the matter that had birthed them to send them riding high
M04 1090 vacuum.   Ekstrohm was not asleep.   Now there could be an
M04 1100 end to pretending.   He threw off the light blanket and swung
M04 1110 his feet off the bunk, to the floor. Ekstrohm stood up.   There
M04 1120 was no longer any need to hide. But what was there to do? What had
M04 1130 changed for him?   He no longer had to lie in his bunk all night,
M04 1140 his eyes closed, pretending to sleep. In privacy he could walk
M04 1150 around, leave the light on, read.   It was small comfort for insomnia.
M04 1160    Ekstrohm never slept. Some doctors had informed him he
M04 1170 was mistaken about this. Actually, they said, he did sleep, but so shortly
M04 1180 and fitfully that he forgot. Others admitted he was absolutely
M04 1200 correct- he <never> slept. His body processes only slowed down enough
M04 1210 for him to dispell fatigue poisons. Occasionally he fell into a
M04 1220 waking, gritty-eyed stupor; but he never slept.   Never at all.
M04 1230    Naturally, he couldn't let his shipmates know this. Insomnia
M04 1240 would ground him from the Exploration Service, on physiological
M04 1250 if not psychological grounds. He had to hide it. ## OVER the
M04 1260 years, he had had buddies in space in whom he thought he could confide.
M04 1270 The buddies invariably took advantage of him. Since he couldn't
M04 1280 sleep anyway, he might as well stand their watches for them or write
M04 1290 their reports. Where the hell did he get off threatening to report
M04 1300 any laxness on their part to the captain? A man with insomnia had
M04 1310 better avoid bad dreams of that kind if he knew what was good for him.
M04 1320    Ekstrohm had to hide his secret.   In a camp, instead of
M04 1330 shipboard, hiding the secret was easier. But the secret itself was
M04 1340 just as hard.   Ekstrohm picked up a lightweight no-back from the
M04 1350 ship's library, a book by Bloch, the famous twentieth century expert
M04 1360 on sex. He scanned a few lines on the social repercussions of a celebrated
M04 1370 nineteenth century sex murderer, but he couldn't seem to concentrate
M04 1380 on the weighty, pontifical, ponderous style.   On impulse,
M04 1390 he flipped up the heat control on his coverall and slid back the
M04 1400 hatch of the bubble.   Ekstrohm walked through the alien glass
M04 1410 and looked up at the unfamiliar constellations, smelling the frozen sterility
M04 1420 of the thin air.   Behind him, his mates stirred without
M04 1430 waking. #/2,# EKSTROHM was startled in the morning by a
M04 1440 banging on the hatch of his bubble. It took him a few seconds to put
M04 1450 his thoughts in order, and then he got up from the bunk where he had been
M04 1460 resting, sleeplessly.   The angry burnt-red face of Ryan greeted
M04 1470 him. "Okay, Stormy, this isn't the place for fun and games.
M04 1480 What did you do with them"?   "Do with what"?
M04 1490    "The dead beasties. All the dead animals laying around the ship".
M04 1500    "What are you talking about, Ryan? What do you think I
M04 1510 did with them"?   "I don't know. All I know is that they
M04 1520 are gone".   <"Gone"?>   Ekstrohm shouldered
M04 1530 his way outside and scanned the veldt.   There was no ring of animal
M04 1540 corpses. Nothing. Nothing but wispy grass whipping in the keen
M04 1550 breeze.   "I'll be damned", Ekstrohm said.   "You
M04 1560 are right now, buddy. ExPe doesn't like anybody mucking up primary
M04 1570 evidence".   "Where do you get off, Ryan"? Ekstrohm
M04 1580 demanded. "Why pick me for your patsy? This has got to be some
M04 1590 kind of local phenomenon. Why accuse a shipmate of being behind this"?
M04 1600    "Listen, Ekstrohm, I want to give you the benefit of
M04 1610 every doubt. But you aren't exactly the model of a surveyor, you know.
M04 1620 You've been riding on a pink ticket for six years, you know that".
M04 1630    "No", Ekstrohm said, "No, I didn't know that".
M04 1640    "You've been hiding things from me and Nogol every jump
M04 1650 we've made with you. Now comes this! It fits the pattern of secrecy
M04 1660 and stealth you've been involved in".   "What could I
M04 1670 do with your lousy dead bodies? What would I want with them"?
M04 1680    "All I know is that you were outside the bubbles last night,
M04 1690 and you were the only sentient being who came in or out of our alarm
M04 1700 web. The tapes show that. Now all the bodies are missing, like they
M04 1710 got up and walked away".   It was not a new experience to Ekstrohm.
M04 1720 No. Suspicion wasn't new to him at all.   "Ryan,
M04 1730 there are other explanations for the disappearance of the bodies. Look
M04 1740 for them, will you? I give you my word I'm not trying to pull
M04 1750 some stupid kind of joke, or to deliberately foul up the expedition.
M04 1760 Take my word, can't you"?   Ryan shook his head. "I don't
M04 1770 think I can. There's still such a thing as mental illness. You
M04 1780 may not be responsible".   Ekstrohm scowled.   "Don't
M04 1790 try anything violent, Stormy. I outweigh you fifty pounds and
M04 1800 I'm fast for a big man".   "I wasn't planning on jumping
M04 1810 you. Why do you have to jump me the first time something goes wrong?
M05 0010    She lived and was given a name. Helva. For her first three vegetable
M05 0020 months she waved her crabbed claws, kicked weakly with her clubbed
M05 0030 feet and enjoyed the usual routine of the infant. She was not alone
M05 0040 for there were three other such children in the big city's special
M05 0050 nursery. Soon they all were removed to Central Laboratory School
M05 0060 where their delicate transformation began.   One of the babies
M05 0070 died in the initial transferral but of Helva's "class", seventeen
M05 0080 thrived in the metal shells. Instead of kicking feet, Helva's
M05 0090 neural responses started her wheels; instead of grabbing with hands,
M05 0100 she manipulated mechanical extensions. As she matured, more and more
M05 0110 neural synapses would be adjusted to operate other mechanisms that went
M05 0120 into the maintenance and running of a space ship. For Helva was
M05 0130 destined to be the "brain" half of a scout ship, partnered with a
M05 0140 man or a woman, whichever she chose, as the mobile half. She would be
M05 0150 among the elite of her kind. Her initial intelligence tests registered
M05 0160 above normal and her adaptation index was unusually high. As long
M05 0170 as her development within her shell lived up to expectations, and there
M05 0180 were no side-effects from the pituitary tinkering, Helva would live
M05 0190 a rewarding, rich and unusual life, a far cry from what she would have
M05 0200 faced as an ordinary, "normal" being.   However, no diagram
M05 0210 of her brain patterns, no early I&Q& tests recorded certain essential
M05 0220 facts about Helva that Central must eventually learn. They
M05 0230 would have to bide their official time and see, trusting that the massive
M05 0240 doses of shell-psychology would suffice her, too, as the necessary
M05 0250 bulwark against her unusual confinement and the pressures of her profession.
M05 0260 A ship run by a human brain could not run rogue or insane with
M05 0270 the power and resources Central had to build into their scout ships.
M05 0280 Brain ships were, of course, long past the experimental stages. Most
M05 0290 babes survived the techniques of pituitary manipulation that kept
M05 0300 their bodies small, eliminating the necessity of transfers from smaller
M05 0310 to larger shells. And very, very few were lost when the final connection
M05 0320 was made to the control panels of ship or industrial combine. Shell
M05 0330 people resembled mature dwarfs in size whatever their natal deformities
M05 0340 were, but the well-oriented brain would not have changed places
M05 0350 with the most perfect body in the Universe.   So, for happy years,
M05 0360 Helva scooted around in her shell with her classmates, playing such
M05 0370 games as Stall, Power-Seek, studying her lessons in trajectory,
M05 0380 propulsion techniques, computation, logistics, mental hygiene, basic
M05 0390 alien psychology, philology, space history, law, traffic, codes: all
M05 0400 the et ceteras that eventually became compounded into a reasoning, logical,
M05 0410 informed citizen. Not so obvious to her, but of more importance
M05 0420 to her teachers, Helva ingested the precepts of her conditioning as
M05 0430 easily as she absorbed her nutrient fluid. She would one day be grateful
M05 0440 to the patient drone of the sub-conscious-level instruction.
M05 0450    Helva's civilization was not without busy, do-good associations,
M05 0460 exploring possible inhumanities to terrestrial as well as extraterrestrial
M05 0470 citizens. One such group got all incensed over shelled "children"
M05 0480 when Helva was just turning fourteen. When they were forced
M05 0490 to, Central Worlds shrugged its shoulders, arranged a tour of the Laboratory
M05 0500 Schools and set the tour off to a big start by showing the
M05 0510 members case histories, complete with photographs. Very few committees
M05 0520 ever looked past the first few photos. Most of their original objections
M05 0530 about "shells" were overridden by the relief that these hideous
M05 0540 (to them) bodies <were> mercifully concealed.   Helva's
M05 0550 class was doing Fine Arts, a selective subject in her crowded program.
M05 0560 She had activated one of her microscopic tools which she would later
M05 0570 use for minute repairs to various parts of her control panel. Her
M05 0580 subject
M05 0590 was large- a copy of the Last Supper- and her canvas, small-
M05 0600 the head of a tiny screw. She had tuned her sight to the proper
M05 0610 degree. As she worked she absentmindedly crooned, producing a curious
M05 0620 sound. Shell people used their own vocal cords and diaphragms but sound
M05 0630 issued through microphones rather than mouths. Helva's hum then
M05 0640 had a curious vibrancy, a warm, dulcet quality even in its aimless chromatic
M05 0650 wanderings.   "Why, what a lovely voice you have",
M05 0660 said one of the female visitors.   Helva "looked" up and caught
M05 0670 a fascinating panorama of regular, dirty craters on a flaky pink surface.
M05 0680 Her hum became a gurgle of surprise. She instinctively regulated
M05 0690 her "sight" until the skin lost its cratered look and the pores
M05 0700 assumed normal proportions.   "Yes, we have quite a few years
M05 0710 of voice training, madam", remarked Helva calmly. "Vocal peculiarities
M05 0720 often become excessively irritating during prolonged intra-stellar
M05 0730 distances and must be eliminated. I enjoyed my lessons".
M05 0740    Although this was the first time that Helva had seen unshelled
M05 0750 people, she took this experience calmly. Any other reaction would have
M05 0760 been reported instantly.   "I meant that you have a nice singing
M05 0770 voice **h dear", the lady amended.   "Thank you. Would
M05 0780 you like to see my work"? Helva asked, politely. She instinctively
M05 0790 sheered away from personal discussions but she filed the comment away
M05 0800 for further meditation.   "Work"? asked the lady.
M05 0810    "I am currently reproducing the Last Supper on the head of a screw".
M05 0820    "O, I say", the lady twittered.   Helva turned
M05 0830 her vision back to magnification and surveyed her copy critically.
M05 0840    "Of course, some of my color values do not match the old Master's
M05 0850 and the perspective is faulty but I believe it to be a fair
M05 0860 copy".   The lady's eyes, unmagnified, bugged out.
M05 0870 "Oh, I forget", and Helva's voice was really contrite. If she
M05 0880 could have blushed, she would have. "You people don't have adjustable
M05 0890 vision".   The monitor of this discourse grinned with pride
M05 0900 and amusement as Helva's tone indicated pity for the unfortunate.
M05 0910    "Here, this will help", suggested Helva, substituting
M05 0920 a magnifying device in one extension and holding it over the picture.
M05 0930    In a kind of shock, the ladies and gentlemen of the committee
M05 0940 bent to observe the incredibly copied and brilliantly executed Last
M05 0950 Supper on the head of a screw.   "Well", remarked one gentleman
M05 0960 who had been forced to accompany his wife, "the good Lord can
M05 0970 eat where angels fear to tread".   "Are you referring, sir",
M05 0980 asked Helva politely, "to the Dark Age discussions of the number
M05 0990 of angels who could stand on the head of a pin"?   "I had
M05 1000 that in mind".   "If you substitute 'atom' for 'angel',
M05 1010 the problem is not insoluble, given the metallic content of the
M05 1020 pin in question".   "Which you are programed to compute"?
M05 1030    "Of course".   "Did they remember to program a
M05 1040 sense of humor, as well, young lady"?   "We are directed
M05 1050 to develop a sense of proportion, sir, which contributes the same effect".
M05 1060    The good man chortled appreciatively and decided the trip
M05 1070 was worth his time.   If the investigation committee spent months
M05 1080 digesting the thoughtful food served them at the Laboratory School,
M05 1090 they left Helva with a morsel as well.   "Singing" as
M05 1100 applicable to herself required research. She had, of course, been exposed
M05 1110 to and enjoyed a music appreciation course which had included the
M05 1120 better known classical works such as "Tristan und Isolde", "Candide",
M05 1130 "Oklahoma", "Nozze de Figaro", the atomic age singers,
M05 1140 Eileen Farrell, Elvis Presley and Geraldine Todd, as well
M05 1150 as the curious rhythmic progressions of the Venusians, Capellan visual
M05 1160 chromatics and the sonic concerti of the Altairians. But "singing"
M05 1170 for any shell person posed considerable technical difficulties
M05 1180 to be overcome. Shell people were schooled to examine every aspect of
M05 1190 a problem or situation before making a prognosis. Balanced properly
M05 1200 between optimism and practicality, the nondefeatist attitude of the shell
M05 1210 people led them to extricate themselves, their ships and personnel,
M05 1220 from bizarre situations. Therefore to Helva, the problem that she
M05 1230 couldn't open her mouth to sing, among other restrictions, did not
M05 1240 bother her. She would work out a method, by-passing her limitations,
M05 1250 whereby she could sing.   She approached the problem by investigating
M05 1260 the methods of sound reproduction through the centuries, human and
M05 1270 instrumental. Her own sound production equipment was essentially more
M05 1280 instrumental than vocal. Breath control and the proper enunciation
M05 1290 of vowel sounds within the oral cavity appeared to require the most
M05 1300 development and practice. Shell people did not, strictly speaking, breathe.
M05 1310 For their purposes, oxygen and other gases were not drawn from
M05 1320 the surrounding atmosphere through the medium of lungs but sustained
M05 1330 artificially by solution in their shells. After experimentation, Helva
M05 1340 discovered that she could manipulate her diaphragmic unit to sustain
M05 1350 tone. By relaxing the throat muscles and expanding the oral cavity
M05 1360 well into the frontal sinuses, she could direct the vowel sounds into
M05 1370 the most felicitous position for proper reproduction through her throat
M05 1380 microphone. She compared the results with tape recordings of modern
M05 1390 singers and was not unpleased although her own tapes had a peculiar
M05 1400 quality about them, not at all unharmonious, merely unique. Acquiring
M05 1410 a repertoire from the Laboratory library was no problem to one trained
M05 1420 to perfect recall. She found herself able to sing any role and any
M05 1430 song which struck her fancy. It would not have occurred to her that
M05 1440 it was curious for a female to sing bass, baritone, tenor, alto, mezzo,
M05 1450 soprano and coloratura as she pleased. It was, to Helva, only a matter
M05 1460 of the correct reproduction and diaphragmic control required by the
M05 1470 music attempted.   If the authorities remarked on her curious
M05 1480 avocation, they did so among themselves. Shell people were encouraged
M05 1490 to develop a hobby so long as they maintained proficiency in their technical
M05 1500 work.   On the anniversary of her sixteenth year in her
M05 1510 shell, Helva was unconditionally graduated and installed in her ship,
M05 1520 the ~XH-834. Her permanent titanium shell was recessed behind an
M05 1530 even more indestructible barrier in the central shaft of the scout ship.
M05 1540 The neural, audio, visual and sensory connections were made and
M05 1550 sealed. Her extendibles were diverted, connected or augmented and the
M05 1560 final, delicate-beyond-description brain taps were completed while Helva
M05 1570 remained anesthetically unaware of the proceedings. When she awoke,
M05 1580 she <was> the ship. Her brain and intelligence controlled every
M05 1590 function from navigation to such loading as a scout ship of her class
M05 1600 needed. She could take care of herself and her ambulatory half, in any
M05 1610 situation already recorded in the annals of Central Worlds and any
M05 1620 situation its most fertile minds could imagine.   Her first actual
M05 1630 flight, for she and her kind had made mock flights on dummy panels
M05 1640 since she was eight, showed her complete mastery of the techniques
M05 1650 of her profession. She was ready for her great adventures and the arrival
M05 1660 of her mobile partner.   There were nine qualified scouts sitting
M05 1670 around collecting base pay the day Helva was commissioned. There
M05 1680 were several missions which demanded instant attention but Helva
M05 1690 had been of interest to several department heads in Central for some
M05 1700 time and each man was determined to have her assigned to <his> section.
M05 1710 Consequently no one had remembered to introduce Helva to the prospective
M05 1720 partners. The ship always chose its own partner. Had there
M05 1730 been another "brain" ship at the Base at the moment, Helva would
M05 1740 have been guided to make the first move. As it was, while Central wrangled
M05 1750 among itself, Robert Tanner sneaked out of the pilots' barracks,
M05 1760 out to the field and over to Helva's slim metal hull.
M05 1770 "Hello, anyone at home"? Tanner wisecracked.   "Of course",
M05 1780 replied Helva logically, activating her outside scanners. "Are
M05 1790 you my partner"? she asked hopefully, as she recognized the
M05 1800 Scout Service uniform.   "All you have to do is ask", he retorted
M05 1810 hopefully.   "No one has come. I thought perhaps there
M05 1820 were no partners available and I've had no directives from Central".
M05 1830    Even to herself Helva sounded a little self-pitying but
M05 1840 the truth was she was lonely, sitting on the darkened field. Always
M05 1850 she had had the company of other shells and more recently, technicians
M05 1860 by the score. The sudden solitude had lost its momentary charm and
M05 1870 become oppressive.   "No directives from Central is scarcely
M05 1880 a cause for regret, but there happen to be eight other guys biting their
M05 1890 fingernails to the quick just waiting for an invitation to board you,
M05 1900 you beautiful thing".
M06 0010 It would have killed you in the cabin. Do you have anything for me"?
M06 0020    Mercer stammered, not knowing what B'dikkat meant, and
M06 0030 the two-nosed man answered for him, "I think he has a nice baby head,
M06 0040 but it isn't big enough for you to take yet".   Mercer never
M06 0050 noticed the needle touch his arm.   B'dikkat had turned to
M06 0060 the next knot of people when the super-condamine hit Mercer.
M06 0070 He tried to run after B'dikkat, to hug the lead spacesuit, to tell
M06 0080 B'dikkat that he loved him. He stumbled and fell, but it did not
M06 0090 hurt.   The many-bodied girl lay near him. Mercer spoke to her.
M06 0100    "Isn't it wonderful? You're beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
M06 0110 I'm so happy to be here".   The woman covered with
M06 0120 growing hands came and sat beside them. She radiated warmth and good
M06 0130 fellowship. Mercer thought that she looked very distinguished and charming.
M06 0140 He struggled out of his clothes. It was foolish and snobbish
M06 0150 to wear clothing when none of these nice people did.   The two
M06 0160 women babbled and crooned at him.   With one corner of his mind
M06 0170 he knew that they were saying nothing, just expressing the euphoria of
M06 0180 a drug so powerful that the known universe had forbidden it. With most
M06 0190 of his mind he was happy. He wondered how anyone could have the good
M06 0200 luck to visit a planet as nice as this. He tried to tell the Lady
M06 0210 Da, but the words weren't quite straight.   A painful stab
M06 0220 hit him in the abdomen. The drug went after the pain and swallowed it.
M06 0230 It was like the cap in the hospital, only a thousand times better.
M06 0240 The pain was gone, though it had been crippling the first time.
M06 0250    He forced himself to be deliberate. He rammed his mind into focus
M06 0260 and said to the two ladies who lay pinkly nude beside him in the desert,
M06 0270 "That was a good bite. Maybe I will grow another head. That
M06 0280 would make B'dikkat happy"!   The Lady Da forced the foremost
M06 0290 of her bodies in an upright position. Said she, "I'm strong,
M06 0300 too. I can talk. Remember, man, remember. People never live forever.
M06 0310 We can die, too, we can die like real people. I do so believe
M06 0320 in death"!   Mercer smiled at her through his happiness.
M06 0330    "Of course you can. But isn't this nice **h"   With
M06 0340 this he felt his lips thicken and his mind go slack. He was wide awake,
M06 0350 but he did not feel like doing anything. In that beautiful place,
M06 0360 among all those companionable and attractive people, he sat and smiled.
M06 0370    B'dikkat was sterilizing his knives. ## Mercer wondered
M06 0380 how long the super-condamine had lasted him. He endured the ministrations
M06 0390 of the dromozoa without screams or movement. The agonies of nerves
M06 0400 and itching of skin were phenomena which happened somewhere near
M06 0410 him, but meant nothing. He watched his own body with remote, casual
M06 0415 interest.
M06 0420 The Lady Da and the hand-covered woman stayed near him. After
M06 0430 a long time the half-man dragged himself over to the group with his
M06 0440 powerful arms. Having arrived he blinked sleepily and friendlily at
M06 0450 them, and lapsed back into the restful stupor from which he had emerged.
M06 0460 Mercer saw the sun rise on occasion, closed his eyes briefly, and
M06 0470 opened them to see stars shining. Time had no meaning. The dromozoa
M06 0480 fed him in their mysterious way; the drug canceled out his needs for
M06 0490 cycles of the body.   At last he noticed a return of the inwardness
M06 0500 of pain.   The pains themselves had not changed; he had.
M06 0510    He knew all the events which could take place on Shayol. He
M06 0520 remembered them well from his happy period. Formerly he had noticed
M06 0530 them- now he felt them.   He tried to ask the Lady Da how long
M06 0540 they had had the drug, and how much longer they would have to wait
M06 0550 before they had it again. She smiled at him with benign, remote happiness;
M06 0560 apparently her many torsos, stretched out along the ground, had
M06 0570 a greater capacity for retaining the drug than did his body. She meant
M06 0580 him well, but was in no condition for articulate speech.   The
M06 0590 half-man lay on the ground, arteries pulsating prettily behind the
M06 0600 half-transparent film which protected his abdominal cavity.   Mercer
M06 0610 squeezed the man's shoulder.   The half-man woke, recognized
M06 0620 Mercer and gave him a healthily sleepy grin.   "'A good
M06 0630 morrow to you, my boy'. That's out of a play. Did you ever see
M06 0640 a play"?   "You mean a game with cards"?   "No",
M06 0650 said the half-man, "a sort of eye-machine with real people doing
M06 0660 the figures".   "I never saw that", said Mercer, "but
M06 0670 I"-   "But you want to ask me when B'dikkat is going
M06 0680 to come back with the needle".   "Yes", said Mercer, a little
M06 0690 ashamed of his obviousness.   "Soon", said the half-man.
M06 0700 That's why I think of plays. We all know what is going to happen.
M06 0710 We all know when it is going to happen. We all know what the dummies
M06 0720 will do"- he gestured at the hummocks in which the decorticated
M06 0730 men were cradled- "and we all know what the new people will ask.
M06 0740 But we never know how long a scene is going to take".   "What's
M06 0750 a 'scene'"? asked Mercer. "Is that the name for the
M06 0760 needle"?   The half-man laughed with something close to real
M06 0770 humor. "No, no, no. You've got the lovelies on the brain. A
M06 0780 scene is just a part of a play. I mean we know the order in which things
M06 0790 happen, but we have no clocks and nobody cares enough to count days
M06 0800 or to make calendars and there's not much climate here, so none of
M06 0810 us know how long anything takes. The pain seems short and the pleasure
M06 0820 seems long. I'm inclined to think that they are about two Earth-weeks
M06 0830 each".   Mercer did not know what an "Earth-week"
M06 0840 was, since he had not been a well-read man before his conviction, but
M06 0850 he got nothing more from the half-man at that time. The half-man received
M06 0860 a dromozootic implant, turned red in the face, shouted senselessly
M06 0870 at Mercer, "Take it out, you fool! Take it out of me"!
M06 0880    When Mercer looked on helplessly, the half-man twisted over on
M06 0890 his side, his pink dusty back turned to Mercer, and wept hoarsely and
M06 0900 quietly to himself.   Mercer himself could not tell how long it
M06 0910 was before B'dikkat came back. It might have been several days.
M06 0920 It might have been several months.   Once again B'dikkat moved
M06 0930 among them like a father; once again they clustered like children.
M06 0940 This time B'dikkat smiled pleasantly at the little head which had
M06 0950 grown out of Mercer's thigh- a sleeping child's head, covered
M06 0960 with light hair on top and with dainty eyebrows over the resting eyes.
M06 0970 Mercer got the blissful needle.   When B'dikkat cut the head
M06 0980 from Mercer's thigh, he felt the knife grinding against the cartilage
M06 0990 which held the head
M06 1000 to his own body. He saw the child-face grimace
M06 1010 as the head was cut; he felt the far, cool flash of unimportant pain,
M06 1020 as B'dikkat dabbed the wound with a corrosive antiseptic which
M06 1030 stopped all bleeding immediately.   The next time it was two legs
M06 1040 growing from his chest.   Then there had been another head beside
M06 1050 his own.   Or was that after the torso and legs, waist to toe-tips,
M06 1060 of the little girl which had grown from his side?   He
M06 1070 forgot the order.   He did not count time.   Lady Da smiled
M06 1080 at him often, but there was no love in this place. She had lost
M06 1090 the extra torsos. In between teratologies, she was a pretty and shapely
M06 1100 woman; but the nicest thing about their relationship was her whisper
M06 1110 to him, repeated some thousands of time, repeated with smiles and
M06 1120 hope, "People never live forever".   She found this immensely
M06 1130 comforting, even though Mercer did not make much sense out of it.
M06 1140    Thus events occurred, and victims changed in appearance, and
M06 1150 new ones arrived. Sometimes B'dikkat took the new ones, resting in
M06 1160 the everlasting sleep of their burned-out brains, in a ground-truck
M06 1170 to be added to other herds. The bodies in the truck threshed and bawled
M06 1180 without human speech when the dromozoa struck them.   Finally,
M06 1190 Mercer did manage to follow B'dikkat to the door of the cabin. He
M06 1200 had to fight the bliss of super-condamine to do it. Only the memory
M06 1210 of previous hurt, bewilderment and perplexity made him sure that if
M06 1220 he did not ask B'dikkat when he, Mercer, was happy, the answer would
M06 1230 no longer be available when he needed it. Fighting pleasure itself,
M06 1240 he begged B'dikkat to check the records and to tell him how long
M06 1250 he had been there.   B'dikkat grudgingly agreed, but he did not
M06 1260 come out of the doorway. He spoke through the public address box built
M06 1270 into the cabin, and his gigantic voice roared out over the empty plain,
M06 1280 so that the pink herd of talking people stirred gently in their
M06 1290 happiness and wondered what their friend B'dikkat might be wanting
M06 1300 to tell them. When he said it, they thought it exceedingly profound,
M06 1310 though none of them understood it, since it was simply the amount of time
M06 1320 that Mercer had been on Shayol:   "Standard years- eighty-four
M06 1330 years, seven months, three days, two hours, eleven and one
M06 1340 half minutes. Good luck, fellow".   Mercer turned away.
M06 1350    The secret little corner of his mind, which stayed sane through happiness
M06 1360 and pain, made him wonder about B'dikkat. What persuaded the
M06 1370 cow-man to remain on Shayol? What kept him happy without super-condamine?
M06 1380 Was B'dikkat a crazy slave to his own duty or was he a
M06 1390 man who had hopes of going back to his own planet some day, surrounded
M06 1400 by a family of little cow-people resembling himself? Mercer, despite
M06 1410 his happiness, wept a little at the strange fate of B'dikkat. His
M06 1420 own fate he accepted.   He remembered the last time he had eaten-
M06 1430 actual eggs from an actual pan. The dromozoa kept him alive,
M06 1440 but he did not know how they did it.   He staggered back to the
M06 1450 group. The Lady Da, naked in the dusty plain, waved a hospitable hand
M06 1460 and showed that there was a place for him to sit beside her. There
M06 1470 were unclaimed square miles of seating space around them, but he appreciated
M06 1480 the kindliness of her gesture none the less. #/4,#
M06 1490 The years, if they were years, went by. The land of Shayol did not
M06 1500 change.   Sometimes the bubbling sound of geysers came faintly across
M06 1510 the plain to the herd of men; those who could talk declared it
M06 1520 to be the breathing of Captain Alvarez. There was night and day, but
M06 1530 no setting of crops, no change of
M06 1540 season, no generations of men. Time
M06 1550 stood still for these people, and their load of pleasure was so commingled
M06 1560 with the shocks and pains of the dromozoa that the words of the
M06 1570 Lady Da took on very remote meaning.   "People never live forever".
M06 1580    Her statement was a hope, not a truth in which they
M06 1590 could believe. They did not have the wit to follow the stars in their
M06 1600 courses, to exchange names with each other, to harvest the experience
M06 1610 of each for the wisdom of all. There was no dream of escape for these
M06 1620 people. Though they saw the old-style chemical rockets lift up from
M06 1630 the field beyond B'dikkat's cabin, they did not make plans to hide
M06 1640 among the frozen crop of transmuted flesh.   Far long ago, some
M06 1650 other prisoner than one of these had tried to write a letter. His
M06 1660 handwriting was on a rock. Mercer read it, and so had a few of the others,
M06 1670 but they could not tell which man had done it. Nor did they care.
M06 1680    The letter, scraped on stone, had been a message home. They
M06 1690 could still read the opening: "Once, I was like you, stepping
M06 1700 out of my window at the end of day, and letting the winds blow me gently
M06 1710 toward the place I lived in. Once, like you, I had one head, two
M06 1720 hands, ten fingers on my hands. The front part of my head was called
M06 1730 a face, and I could talk with it. Now I can only write, and that only
M06 1740 when I get out of pain.