K01   1 **[375 TEXT K01**]
K01   2 ^*0*'Are you sure you're quite fit? ^It's terrible weather.**' ^He
K01   3 turned round to face his colleague.
K01   4    |^For some esoteric reason Fairbanks always completed the buttoning
K01   5 of his flies in the main area of the lavatory. ^*'Good morning,
K01   6 Harold,**' he said. ^*'I'm pretty chipper, thanks, considering.**' ^He
K01   7 was a tiny man, of fanatical neatness, his remaining hair snowy, and
K01   8 cropped like a Prussian's. ^His white shirt cuffs were actually
K01   9 starched: he protruded from them his surprisingly thick and hairy
K01  10 wrists and began to wash. ^*'As a matter of fact a good hard frost
K01  11 seems to clear the old tubes. ^Much better for me than the rain.**'
K01  12    |^*'Good,**' said Colmore. ^*'Excellent.**'
K01  13    |^Fairbanks hummed a few bars in a voice made resonant by the very
K01  14 weakness of his chest. ^Colmore was ready to leave, but delayed his
K01  15 departure, as one who dare not go to bed early for fear of missing
K01  16 some wholly unanticipated but remotely possible event of absorbing
K01  17 interest. ^He took up a clothes brush.
K01  18    |^*'I'd like a little conference this morning,**' said Fairbanks.
K01  19 ^*'Ten-thirty be all right?**' ^He did not wait for a reply. ^*'Get
K01  20 {0J.D.}, will you?**'
K01  21    |^{0J.D.} was Davis, the other Assistant Secretary.
K01  22 ^*'Conference**' was Fairbanks's word for finding out what was going
K01  23 on. ^*'Yes, Charles, certainly,**' Colmore said. ^It was not the
K01  24 Secretary's return to health that was disconcerting this morning*- the
K01  25 man had to retire at sixty*- but his irreproachable fac*?6ade.
K01  26 ^Westminster and Lincoln*- not, of course, absolutely full-fruit
K01  27 standard, but serviceable enough. ^Colmore had more than once read his
K01  28 entry in *1Who's Who*0: son of Canon Fairbanks, married to the
K01  29 daughter of a knight, member of the Devonshire. ^Colmore thought of
K01  30 his own parents, now safely dead: his mother's wen, his father's lack
K01  31 of aspirates. ^With such a background one could never be really safe
K01  32 however brilliant one was. ^There were a score of things that could
K01  33 betray one's weakness, things that lay totally outside Fairbanks's
K01  34 conception. ^Perhaps some outrageous relation would suddenly decide to
K01  35 call on him at his office: his Uncle Howard, say, whose nose had
K01  36 doubtless grown no less purple over the years. ^Or his accent, which
K01  37 had carefully acquired a neutrality as unidentifiable as some
K01  38 composite creature evolved by statisticians, could break down
K01  39 unbeknown to himself, on the pronunciation of a common and tell-tale
K01  40 word. ^Or, more subtly, his whole habit of mind and body, formed in
K01  41 the uncultured, nagging, parsimonious, penurious household of his
K01  42 childhood, might, at a crucial moment of his life, reveal him as
K01  43 utterly unsuitable for further advancement*- not necessarily or,
K01  44 indeed, at all, by a word or gesture or family connection, but through
K01  45 the image of himself that had willy-nilly and over an extended period
K01  46 been fixed in the eyes of those who controlled his destiny.
K01  47    |^Fairbanks reached for a towel, a clean one and not the scarcely
K01  48 crumpled one that Colmore himself had used and had left thriftily on
K01  49 the ledge below the mirror rather than consign to the linen basket.
K01  50 ^Of course, Colmore thought, as he put down the clothes brush and left
K01  51 the lavatory, in one sense, in a very real sense, his own action,
K01  52 which would have saved the two or three coppers on the Authority's
K01  53 laundry bill, would have been the right, the virtuous one. ^He had
K01  54 simply never properly learnt what came to Fairbanks quite naturally,
K01  55 that the rules of conduct which must be enforced on the inferior mass
K01  56 do not apply to the rulers themselves. ^It was not long ago that
K01  57 Fairbanks had personally overhauled the system whereby the departments
K01  58 of the Authority indented for stationery stores, making the ordering
K01  59 the responsibility of a department's Senior Administration Officer
K01  60 who, among many other things, was henceforth to issue new pencils only
K01  61 on the surrender of an equivalent number of pencil stubs.
K01  62    |^When in 1940 he had first entered the service of the Authority*-
K01  63 though in those remote days it had, of course, been merely the
K01  64 Executive Committee*- he had imagined that even its higher reaches
K01  65 were, like his own level, simply a matter of work, of problems set and
K01  66 overcome, of the advancement of the able and the stagnation of the
K01  67 inefficient. ^But as he had progressed and the organization itself had
K01  68 grown, he had begun to encounter all the unforeseen forces of birth,
K01  69 influence and intrigue. ^He had occasionally*- even in those days*-
K01  70 glimpsed the highest powers and their way of life: the building (and
K01  71 this was 1941) of a massive series of oak lockers for the Committee's
K01  72 hats and coats, following the theft of the Vice-Chairman's umbrella; a
K01  73 meeting of the Committee itself with virgin blotting paper,
K01  74 freshly-sharpened pencils, cut-glass carafes of water, and its members
K01  75 displaying not their ability (which no doubt in some cases actually
K01  76 existed) but the quality of their garments or knowledge of each
K01  77 other's background, and even in the case of the ex-Trade Union members
K01  78 a salience, a richness of feature that seemed at once designed for the
K01  79 convenience of the newspaper cartoonist and the product, like the
K01  80 splendour of a jungle animal, of some special advantage of nurture or
K01  81 habitat, so that each moustache or bald head or pair of spectacles was
K01  82 a unique and peculiarly finished specimen of its kind, possessing,
K01  83 indeed, some curious aesthetic quality as though added by a great
K01  84 painter.
K01  85    |^As he moved up in the hierarchy*- or, rather, was buoyed along by
K01  86 the great influx of personnel below him when the Authority became the
K01  87 Authority and began to expand at an increasing rate with the end of
K01  88 the war*- the world of the rulers grew less strange: it occasionally
K01  89 recognized his existence, his promotions became its concern, and he at
K01  90 last saw the possibility of breaking into it. ^Though that was not
K01  91 quite the phrase, for even if he could succeed Sir Charles he would,
K01  92 as an executive, be eternally differentiated from the Governors.
K01  93 ^Fairbanks managed the Governors beautifully, he knew more than they,
K01  94 he was cleverer than most, discreetly used their Christian names*- but
K01  95 remained their servant. ^They had no office hours, however elastic;
K01  96 their lives were spent in committee making decisions for others to
K01  97 execute on the basis of data laboriously gathered for them; they moved
K01  98 from board-room to board-room, encountering a succession of new
K01  99 pencils, clean towels, institutional crystal and silver, protein-rich
K01 100 lunches, immaculate agendas, able slaves. ^Lord Groves, for example,
K01 101 though doubtless compelled by earlier habits of comparative poverty to
K01 102 fried fish high teas, existed for the greater part of his life in
K01 103 luxury, lolling in the back of an Authority Austin or in a
K01 104 complimentary stall, strolling along the promenade at a Conference,
K01 105 eating in a free pullman car on his way to open a new Authority
K01 106 provincial office. ^And even Lord Groves, despite his proletarian
K01 107 origins and political complexion, shared the fierce, jealous morality
K01 108 of the rulers. ^If Colmore was apprehensive of Fairbanks's view of his
K01 109 conduct, how much more had he to fear from the Governors, who at the
K01 110 breath of a scandal would close their ranks and utterly disown him.
K01 111    |^In their company he had sometimes had to check an expression of
K01 112 opinion, divining*- as a child, ignorant of the moral standards of the
K01 113 adult world, anticipates censure in the premonitory motion of a mouth
K01 114 or eye*- that what he was about to say would offend the collective
K01 115 ethos. ^It would be utter folly, for example, for him to indicate that
K01 116 he lacked religious belief; though, no doubt, several of the Governors
K01 117 had never for years set foot in a place of worship, together they
K01 118 presented a solidly spiritual front. ^Colmore remembered, too, how one
K01 119 of their number had once commented to him on what to the speaker was
K01 120 the Royal Family's excessive interest in horse racing; but the
K01 121 institution of royalty could never be called into question, and from
K01 122 the critic himself would certainly come one of the loudest of the
K01 123 murmurs of ~*'God bless her**' after a proposal of the loyal toast.
K01 124 ^For on this level, the great monoliths of the state which to the
K01 125 population at large presented the simple issue of aye or no, were
K01 126 capable of intimate criticism, albeit they were of unquestioned
K01 127 acceptance*- as the friends of a celebrated actress will, without in
K01 128 the least denying her greatness or surpassing beauty, remark on a mole
K01 129 or wrinkle which the general public has never been close enough to
K01 130 see. ^Among the Governors there was often casual talk of *'Royals**'
K01 131 or *'Buck House**': in the last analysis it was the honours and titles
K01 132 bestowed by the state through the institution of royalty*- like the
K01 133 ease of mind which came through the allegiance to an official
K01 134 religion*- which these men most valued, for in their position they
K01 135 were ambitious less for money than for the infinite gradations of
K01 136 social and public distinction.
K01 137    |^How stupid and gross would seem to them Colmore's abortive
K01 138 romance! ^Indeed, so it seemed at this moment to him. ^His desires,
K01 139 his fumbling way of fulfilling them, put him at the same sort of
K01 140 disadvantage as his voice, his school, his family*- perhaps the one
K01 141 stemmed in some way from the other. ^As he reached his room he was
K01 142 seized with a sudden fright about Davis, who had come into the
K01 143 Authority the normal way, via the Civil Service, and whose lack of the
K01 144 ultimate ability lay hidden in a charming orthodoxy.
K01 145    |^It was not until Colmore had been at his desk for a half-hour
K01 146 that his sense of power and control returned. ^His mastery of the
K01 147 Authority's vital processes made him look forward with almost painful
K01 148 pleasure to the meeting with Fairbanks and Davis, as a well-prepared
K01 149 candidate to his examination. ^So that as he made his way to
K01 150 Fairbanks's room*- fileless, paperless, leaving on his desk the daily
K01 151 returns of the Authority's financial position, having transferred the
K01 152 relevant figures effortlessly to his memory*- he searched greedily in
K01 153 his mind for some other reason for being happy, and lit on Judith. ^He
K01 154 marched up to the next floor, looking down at the sharp crease of his
K01 155 trousers along his thighs, sensing the satisfactory hang of his
K01 156 unbuttoned jacket as it moved gently in the disturbed air made by his
K01 157 passage, and thought: ^I'll keep her in reserve. ^The thought was
K01 158 comic even to him*- that he should treat her like an item in the
K01 159 Authority's accounts. ^But how few men of his years had this unobvious
K01 160 relationship, this inexhaustible source of aesthetic enjoyment, this
K01 161 secret and unforeseen extension of their youth, and who of those few
K01 162 would voluntarily surrender to the passionless final phase of their
K01 163 lives.
K01 164 *<*4*=4*>
K01 165    |^*0The telephone rang and Colmore rose immediately. ^Dorothy said:
K01 166 ^*'Let Anna take it, darling. ^She ought to practise her English.**'
K01 167 ^Anna was their European girl of the moment, half maid, half student.
K01 168    |^*'No,**' Colmore said, *'she's been waiting long enough for lunch
K01 169 as it is. ^And one of us will have to go in the end.**' ^They had just
K01 170 sat down at table after a rather extended session of gin and frenches
K01 171 with Colmore's three companions of the morning's golf whom he had
K01 172 brought home to meet up with their wives, already being entertained by
K01 173 Dorothy. ^A comforting husk of inebriation separated Colmore from
K01 174 reality and it seemed to him that his reaction in anticipating that
K01 175 the call would be from Judith was phenomenally quick and sagacious.
K01 176 ^They had not been in touch with each other since the unsatisfactory
K01 177 evening that had begun with the intrusion of the callow young man from
K01 178 Gilson & Freeman's, whose name he could not dredge up through the
K01 179 alcohol, and the thought of speaking to her and even, in this
K01 180 uninhibited moment, arranging to see her soon*- tomorrow, tonight*-
K01 181 brought an excitement to him that was almost physically erotic. ^In
K01 182 the few yards from the dining-room he had time not only to review all
K01 183 this in detail but to savour the remains of his last mouthful of
K01 184 \6*1pa*?5te*?2 *0and to admire once again the colour and pattern of
K01 185 his new tweed suit that he was wearing for the first time today.
K01 186 *# 2012
K02   1 **[376 TEXT K02**]
K02   2    |^*0*'Then perhaps I should*- shall we say*- *1qualify *0my name,
K02   3 sir,**' he suggested. ^*'We are known*- the family, I mean*- as the
K02   4 *1Stratford*0-Lees. ^My mother likes it. ^She was a *1Stratford, *0you
K02   5 see, from Norfolk.**' ^He spoke as though both of us should be
K02   6 acquainted with the Stratfords of Norfolk, but neither one of us
K02   7 commented. ^*'But the Old Man doesn't care for using double-barrelled
K02   8 names, as he calls them. ^And I think I agree with him. ^That's why I
K02   9 use just the plain *"Lee**" on my cards. ^But if you think**'*- and
K02  10 his expression changed quickly to deliberation*- *'that I should use
K02  11 the *1Stratford*0-Lee, just out here I mean, then of course*-**'
K02  12    |^*'Oh Lord, no,**' I said, perhaps just a little too abruptly.
K02  13 ^*'There are far too many double-barrelled names out here as it is.**'
K02  14    |^He sat back again, obviously satisfied. ^*'I'm inclined to agree
K02  15 with you, sir,**' he said.
K02  16    |^We had a leisurely lunch. ^Nigel's cook-boy had prepared an
K02  17 excellent curry, hot enough with \6*1chili *0to make my eyes water a
K02  18 little, even after so many years of hot curries. ^The gin \*1pahits,
K02  19 *0and now the beer with the curry, had their desired effect on us; or
K02  20 rather, on Nigel and myself. ^Lee, I noticed, had asked for Coca-Cola.
K02  21 ^This rather surprised me from a young man who was otherwise so
K02  22 sophisticated. ^He was not, however, ostentatious about the matter.
K02  23 ^If anything, he had merely become a little more reserved, and much
K02  24 more polite. ^I thought to myself: ^*'A few years in the East, my boy,
K02  25 and you'll drink*- I've seen your kind before!**'
K02  26    |^After the curry, I wanted only to go upstairs to bed. ^I had long
K02  27 since become accustomed, and now addicted, to an after-curry nap.
K02  28 ^Lee, however, showed not the slightest sign of fatigue.
K02  29    |^*'I wonder if you'd mind if I took a bit of a look round,**' he
K02  30 asked Nigel. ^*'I don't sleep in the afternoons.**'
K02  31    |^Nigel, I must say, was very good about it. ^I knew how much he
K02  32 probably wanted to sleep himself. ^But, almost gallantly, he said:
K02  33    |^*'Not at all. ^I'll show you.**'
K02  34    |^*'Oh no,**' young Lee protested, considerate as always. ^*'That's
K02  35 not necessary if you want to rest, sir. ^I'm sure I won't do any
K02  36 harm.**'
K02  37    |^Nigel laughed. ^I had not known he was so good-natured. ^But
K02  38 then, I suppose I had never given him similar cause to display such
K02  39 amiability.
K02  40    |^*'I hadn't for one moment thought you would,**' Nigel said.
K02  41 ^*'Bring your swimming costume, if you like. ^We've got a small pool
K02  42 over on the other side of the estate, near the latex factory.**'
K02  43    |^*'Oh excellent!**' young Lee said, and his face lit up with
K02  44 enthusiasm, like an energetic young athlete.
K02  45    |^I only just recall hearing them drive off from the bungalow as I
K02  46 took myself gratefully up the stairs and, stripping off to just
K02  47 underpants in the heat of the afternoon, collapsed on the bed. ^As I
K02  48 went off to sleep, I was very grateful to Nigel for not having
K02  49 suggested that I should accompany them.
K02  50    |^I slept soundly, and much later than I should. ^It was already
K02  51 after six when I awoke, and the sun was nearly setting beyond the west
K02  52 window. ^Downstairs I could hear the murmur of voices, and knew they
K02  53 were back. ^I wondered, as I wrapped a \6*1sarong *0around my waist,
K02  54 if Nigel at all resented being deprived of his afternoon sleep.
K02  55    |^They were sitting over the tea things when I joined them. ^Nigel
K02  56 didn't look at all put out; in fact I decided he must have quite
K02  57 enjoyed himself with young Lee during the afternoon, and I was glad of
K02  58 it. ^No, *1Nigel *0wasn't put out; but to my surprise, and amusement,
K02  59 I detected a slight frown of disapproval from Lee at my \6*1sarong,
K02  60 *0and my feet shod in only \*1se*?5patus. ^*0And I said to myself:
K02  61 ^Oh, God, doesn't the boy ever relax! ^He turned his gaze away from me
K02  62 almost instantly, but it had been enough to make me conscious of the
K02  63 nakedness of the upper half of my body, even of the matted grey hairs
K02  64 on my chest. ^He probably thought my appearance quite a breach of the
K02  65 social graces; but, naturally, he said not so much as a word about it.
K02  66    |^*'We've just had tea,**' Nigel said. ^*'Would you like the cookie
K02  67 to make you a fresh lot?**'
K02  68    |^*'I'd rather have whisky,**' I told him.
K02  69    |^*'Thought as much. ^Sun's nearly below the yard-arm, anyway.
K02  70 ^Wouldn't mind a \*1stengah *0myself. ^How about you, Harry?**'
K02  71    |^So they had managed to come to the stage of using each other's
K02  72 Christian names, I noted. ^Perhaps Lee wasn't quite as reserved as I
K02  73 thought.
K02  74    |^*'Thanks, Nigel,**' he said. ^*'Just Coca-Cola. ^Although I'd
K02  75 like to have whatever you have. ^I want to get to know the kind of
K02  76 life people lead in the East, you know.**'
K02  77    |^At this, I felt a return of the irritation I felt with him at
K02  78 times. ^He would not have had a drink for the sake of the drink, but
K02  79 only to know the kind of life *1we *0led in the East! ^But then I
K02  80 dispelled my irritation, or endeavoured to; apart from its being so
K02  81 irrational, I had, probably, another two or three weeks of his company
K02  82 ahead of me. ^It would be silly, at this point, to let such
K02  83 trivialities bother me. ^I was even surprised that they should.
K02  84    |^The drinks were served, not by the Chinese cook-boy, but by two
K02  85 young Malay girls dressed gracefully in \6*1sarong *0and \*1ke*?5baya.
K02  86 ^*0Barefooted, they moved around the room silently, but with
K02  87 voluptuous and unmistakable insinuation. ^I could tell almost
K02  88 instantly which one I preferred. ^As she set down my drink beside me,
K02  89 I looked at her, probably with blatant assessment, and she returned my
K02  90 gaze with a mischievous sidelong glance, and just the faintest
K02  91 suggestion, though quite inaudible, of a giggle. ^Knowing Nigel, I
K02  92 would have been surprised if he had not made his usual
K02  93 *'arrangements**'. ^A bachelor himself, he knew well how to entertain
K02  94 his bachelor friends.
K02  95    |^He caught my look and pursed his lips in a quick little grimace
K02  96 of acknowledgement; then raised an enquiring eyebrow in young Lee's
K02  97 direction. ^I shrugged a shoulder. ^Lee would have to decide about
K02  98 that for himself, I thought, and noticed that although he was looking
K02  99 at the other girl, he did so quite dispassionately, almost as though
K02 100 he was merely interested in the unfamiliar clothes she was wearing.
K02 101 ^And I thought to myself: ^He may be still too much of a *'new chum**'
K02 102 to see *'the beauty of the East**'.
K02 103    |^There was still an ease in our conversation, but its scope was
K02 104 restricted. ^I felt that I could hardly make the usual enquiries and
K02 105 comments about Nigel's various mistresses as I was accustomed to
K02 106 whenever I saw him, much as I wondered which of his girls was in
K02 107 favour at the moment. ^And I suppose he felt the same. ^We had only a
K02 108 few drinks, then decided to bathe and dress for a rather early dinner.
K02 109 ^Lee was impressed not only with the estate, or so he said, but also
K02 110 with the accommodation provided for a planter, and a bachelor at that.
K02 111 ^It was, of course, very comfortable, and Nigel had made it very
K02 112 presentable with additions of furniture, pictures, the radio
K02 113 equipment, and personal touches of his own. ^He read widely, and had
K02 114 collected a sizeable library. ^He was also interested in Malay
K02 115 customs, more especially in those of the aboriginal Sakais, and his
K02 116 walls were adorned with a varied collection of Sakai weapons. ^He had
K02 117 one of the better Kashmir carpets on the floor. ^His pictures and
K02 118 curtains, indeed I suppose the entire furnishings, had been selected
K02 119 personally. ^The house was, as he occasionally proclaimed, his
K02 120 *1home*0*- and he had made it as such. ^I doubt if he will ever leave
K02 121 Malaya, even when he retires. ^The country, and his mistresses, have
K02 122 come to mean too much to him. ^And, indirectly, this impression I had
K02 123 of him was one of several reasons why I had decided I should leave
K02 124 it*- before, for me too, it would be too late.
K02 125    |^I used the excuse of our early start in the morning to retire as
K02 126 soon as it seemed prudent to do so, after the coffee and brandy,
K02 127 already anticipating the familiar pleasures awaiting me. ^Lee did not
K02 128 demur, and I gathered from Nigel's expression that he had presumed
K02 129 that his other guest, even if of so recent acquaintance, would approve
K02 130 of, and even appreciate, his usual *'arrangements**'. ^After I had
K02 131 showered, I found that the girl I had looked at was in the bedroom,
K02 132 making a pretence of tidying my clothes. ^I got under the mosquito-net
K02 133 and lay there in my \6*1sarong, *0waiting for her. ^Patiently,
K02 134 precisely, she folded the last garment and put it on the chest of
K02 135 drawers. ^Then she turned out the light and, without saying a word,
K02 136 took off her \*1ke*?5baya *0and, unwinding her \6*1sarong, *0moved it
K02 137 up from her waist to over her breasts in the sleeping position. ^There
K02 138 was just enough light seeping through the windows for me to watch her.
K02 139 ^Then she came to the bed, and I lifted the mosquito-net for her as,
K02 140 still without a word, but with another barely audible giggle, she lay
K02 141 beside me. ^Without further ado she began the assiduous and almost
K02 142 energetic routine of love-play. ^For such a leisurely race in almost
K02 143 everything else*- not only leisurely, but renownedly lazy*- the
K02 144 Malays, surprisingly enough, have a sort of energetic deliberation for
K02 145 their dancing and love-play, but which is not to be mistaken for
K02 146 ardour.
K02 147    |^*'*1\Chantek,**' *0I murmured obligingly, not really meaning it,
K02 148 nor really caring whether she *1was *0beautiful or not, but only glad
K02 149 to know that she kissed in the Western fashion and not just as Moslems
K02 150 do. ^I kept her mouth busy so that I would not have to go through the
K02 151 usual long and boring rigmarole of being told what her name was, who
K02 152 her parents were, where she was born, where she had lived*- and
K02 153 especially the list of names, displayed like a string of beads, of all
K02 154 the white \*1tuans *0she had slept with. ^But, as I succumbed to the
K02 155 lewdness of her skilled ministrations, I could not help wondering
K02 156 about young Lee's reactions to *'the arrangements**'. ^He in turn was
K02 157 probably wondering, I supposed, if this was the kind of hospitality he
K02 158 could expect in every bachelor's bungalow in which he might find
K02 159 himself as a guest. ^But, even in Malaya, not all of them are Nigels.
K02 160    |^My companion of the night was gone when I awoke in the morning.
K02 161 ^Nigel has them well trained, I thought to myself. ^I dressed quickly,
K02 162 curious to see how Lee had reacted to it. ^I expected, or even hoped,
K02 163 that it would *'unbend**' him a little.
K02 164    |^I was surprised to find that he was not only dressed, but packed
K02 165 ready to continue the journey. ^He was pacing up and down the
K02 166 living-room with obvious irritation. ^Nigel was not yet down, and Lee
K02 167 looked decidedly relieved when he saw me; wished me an almost
K02 168 grateful, but still polite, good morning.
K02 169    |^*'Did you sleep well?**' I enquired, deliberately turning away
K02 170 from him a little to look through one of the windows.
K02 171    |^*'I kicked her out!**' he said perfunctorily.
K02 172    |^The tone of his voice quite astonished me. ^Turning, I saw, with
K02 173 surprise, and again with amusement, that he was standing rigidly in
K02 174 the centre of the room, his arms held stiffly to his sides, almost
K02 175 like a child playing soldiers and standing to attention. ^His eyes
K02 176 penetrated mine with a fierce fixity, and his cheeks were inflamed
K02 177 with two small spots of bright red.
K02 178    |^*'I think it was *1damned *0presumptuous, I must say!**' he
K02 179 declaimed hotly. ^And then, perhaps because he had become conscious of
K02 180 the slightly ridiculous pose he had struck, and this consciousness
K02 181 humiliated him, he slumped slightly, spreading his legs apart, almost
K02 182 like the child soldier standing at ease; or, rather, standing easy.
K02 183 *# 2009
K03   1 **[377 TEXT K03**]
K03   2    |^*0Yet, he might be wrong. ^A hope began to rise in his viscera.
K03   3 ^Perhaps he was mistaken. ^Perhaps the entry in Sylvia's diary*- she
K03   4 hated her mother; she had been jealous of his attentions to her;
K03   5 perhaps it was the hysterical invention of a child who herself in
K03   6 puberty had fallen in love with the nearest, familiar man. ^Perhaps
K03   7 that was the origin of her hatred which had then led him by her
K03   8 subconscious design to the diaries. ^The memory of Elizabeth, greeting
K03   9 him with her outflung arms, soared into his mind and with it the
K03  10 recollection of the bloodstained towel which he had held to her
K03  11 forehead.
K03  12    |^*'Oh, God,**' he thought, *'perhaps I'm wrong,**' and with the
K03  13 thought came an unexpected hope like that of a man who, told that he
K03  14 has an incurable disease, hears that the pathologist had made a
K03  15 mistake in examining the tissue. ^Perhaps I'm wrong. ^The hope became
K03  16 a music, and with it a compulsive need to see Elizabeth again, to hold
K03  17 her and to feel again their old safe love.
K03  18    |
K03  19    |^*'That ends our proceedings,**' said the Chairman, and the
K03  20 Members rose with a shuffle and scraping of chairs. ^They began to
K03  21 leave the Committee Room like a pattern of the trends in the Party.
K03  22 ^Ormston stepped down from the dais into the central aisle, taking the
K03  23 longest route through the room to the Public Exit. ^He was greeted on
K03  24 all sides with friendly smiles. ^Members made a path for him, and he
K03  25 was quickly surrounded by a number of ex-Ministers who had retired to
K03  26 the back benches, a few knights of his recommendation, and a
K03  27 rank-and-file of younger Members whom he had encouraged with advice
K03  28 and expectations.
K03  29    |^Gore and a few of his associates in the New Africa Group became
K03  30 involved in this stream as it pressed towards the door like a
K03  31 debouching cinema audience, and they were regarded with the same
K03  32 indifference as members of cinema audiences reserve for each other.
K03  33    |^Melville moved towards the platform exit, together with some of
K03  34 the Party officials and Waters. ^He was followed by about half the
K03  35 Members in the room as if he were leading them into a plebiscite.
K03  36 ^They grouped themselves around him, smiling and demonstrative as if
K03  37 to show where their sympathies and loyalties lay, though no one
K03  38 addressed him personally. ^In the Corridor, the Chief Whip caught up
K03  39 with him, and said,
K03  40    |^*'I thought the Chancellor settled Gore pretty well.**'
K03  41    |^*'Did you?**' Melville said. ^*'I had a different impression; I
K03  42 rather thought he was goading him.**'
K03  43    |^*'To abstain?**'
K03  44    |^*'Yes,**' said Melville. ^*'There's nothing he likes more than to
K03  45 frighten the Party. ^That's the first step. ^Then he likes to come
K03  46 along and kiss it better.**'
K03  47    |^He outdistanced his attendants with Waters, and said,
K03  48    |^*'I'll have to talk to the {0P.M.}. ^Will you telephone and
K03  49 arrange for me to go down to Greystoke tomorrow?**'
K03  50    |^*'Yes,**' said Waters. ^*'Are you lunching in the Members'
K03  51 Dining-Room?**'
K03  52    |^*'No,**' said the Minister. ^*'I want to walk across the Park.**'
K03  53    |
K03  54    |^He walked briskly without hat and coat, and soon felt himself
K03  55 sweating under the hazy, copper-coloured sky, heavy with the storm
K03  56 which had begun to rumble and crack beyond Buckingham Palace. ^The
K03  57 ducks had retreated to the reeds, and the water had black reflections.
K03  58 ^On the grass, couples lay stretched out, the men in shirt-sleeves,
K03  59 the women in sleeveless summer dresses, some engaged in what otherwise
K03  60 would have seemed coital preliminaries, were such activities not the
K03  61 normal convention of London crowds in hot summers. ^Others picknicked
K03  62 **[SIC**] close by*- the whole a picture of domestic living in the
K03  63 open air.
K03  64    |^As Melville walked, a thunderclap awoke the prostrate figures as
K03  65 if by the alarm signal of a gigantic clock. ^They rose. ^The women
K03  66 smoothed the creases of their dresses. ^The men languidly put on their
K03  67 jackets. ^And to the accompaniment of the first fat raindrops, they
K03  68 began to move swiftly away in pairs. ^The lake started to become
K03  69 dappled with rain, there was a dazzling flash, followed by a massive
K03  70 roll, and soon the Park began to scurry with figures running for
K03  71 shelter from the storm.
K03  72    |^As Melville walked, he heard steps splashing behind him.
K03  73    |^*'Like a share of my mac?**' a voice said.
K03  74    |^He turned with the rain purling down his face to see Armstrong,
K03  75 who had quickened his step to keep pace with him. ^For a moment, he
K03  76 didn't recognise him. ^Then he said,
K03  77    |^*'That's very civil of you. ^No, thanks. ^I'll just imagine I'm
K03  78 doing a cross-country run. ^I'll change when I get in.**'
K03  79    |^*'As you like,**' said Armstrong, and was about to turn into a
K03  80 side path but Melville, thinking that he might have felt snubbed,
K03  81 said,
K03  82    |^*'Come this way*- then you can cut across.**'
K03  83    |^*'I used to play rugger,**' said Armstrong. ^*'I missed it when I
K03  84 gave it up.**'
K03  85    |^*'How old were you?**'
K03  86    |^*'Thirty-six,**' said Armstrong. ^*'I'm fifty-four now.**'
K03  87    |^To make conversation, Melville asked a few questions about his
K03  88 family and South Wales. ^He liked his cadenced voice, his easy,
K03  89 undeferential manner and his pleasant, open face with the blue scar at
K03  90 the side of his head.
K03  91    |^*'You're having a bad time,**' said Armstrong.
K03  92    |^*'In Africa?**'
K03  93    |^*'Yes.**'
K03  94    |^*'It's pretty bad.**'
K03  95    |^*'Well, I'm sorry for you, lad,**' said Armstrong.
K03  96    |^They walked along without speaking with the rain streaming down
K03  97 their faces, and Melville wished that he had learned to know the
K03  98 Opposition back-benchers better. ^He wanted to talk to Armstrong, but
K03  99 he had difficulty in finding the language and so they walked in
K03 100 silence. ^But the leaves gave off a warm, soaking smell, the pain in
K03 101 his head lifted, and he felt refreshed.
K03 102    |
K03 103    |^He changed his suit in his dressing-room into which a bed had
K03 104 been moved, and then knocked on the door of the main bedroom.
K03 105 ^Elizabeth was sitting propped up against the pillows, wearing a pale
K03 106 blue bedjacket over a white nightdress. ^Broome was sitting at her
K03 107 bedside, and greeted Melville with a broad smile.
K03 108    |^*'She'll live,**' he said. ^*'Don't let the head-dress worry you.
K03 109 ^She likes wearing it. ^Thinks it makes her interesting. ^I'll look in
K03 110 tomorrow.**'
K03 111    |^When he had left, Melville stood by the window, looking out at
K03 112 the street, and Elizabeth turned her face into the pillow. ^After a
K03 113 minute of silence, Melville said,
K03 114    |^*'Elizabeth*- I must talk to you.**'
K03 115    |^She didn't answer, and he faced her. ^On her bandages, there was
K03 116 a trace of blood; her cheeks were pale; and her eyes had heavy violet
K03 117 shadows beneath them. ^She was looking straight in front of her as she
K03 118 answered in a flat voice,
K03 119    |^*'I have nothing to say to you. ^You are a very wicked person.**'
K03 120    |^*'I have something to say to you,**' he said savagely, sitting on
K03 121 the bed and taking her wrists in his hands. ^*'I want to know*- I've
K03 122 got to know*-**'
K03 123    |^She turned her eyes on him, and said in the same flat voice,
K03 124    |^*'If you say again what you said last night, I'll kill myself as
K03 125 soon as you leave the house.**'
K03 126    |^He slowly let go of her wrists and rose from the bed. ^His gaze
K03 127 still held her expressionless eyes, and he withdrew to the door.
K03 128    |^Then he went to his study, his certainties complete. ^It was
K03 129 done, and nothing could ever change it. ^Nothing. ^Ever. ^He looked at
K03 130 a photograph of Elizabeth and himself taken on the Terrace a few years
K03 131 before, and suddenly, covering his face with his hands, he began to
K03 132 weep, the tears trickling through his fingers as they had done in his
K03 133 childhood when his father had died and there was no comfort in the
K03 134 whole world.
K03 135 *<*2 CHAPTER TWELVE*>
K03 136    |^*0After lunch two of the Prime Minister's grandchildren who had
K03 137 sat, rather intimidated by Ormston and staring at the Grinling Gibbons
K03 138 carving around the fireplace, rose gratefully from the table, leaving
K03 139 the two men together. ^A nurse came in, and asked the Prime Minister
K03 140 if he wanted to be helped out on to the lawn, but he waved her away
K03 141 impatiently. ^The Prime Minister was wearing a grey suit and a white
K03 142 shirt with a soft collar, but his neck had become thinner and the
K03 143 collar stood away from it as if it had been bought haphazard. ^His
K03 144 face had a jaundiced colour, and his cheekbones were red, touched with
K03 145 a feverish cosmetic. ^Only his voice was unchanged; it was slow and
K03 146 thoughtful with its familiar, rehearsed calmness. ^He crumpled his
K03 147 table napkin, and laid it on a plate.
K03 148    |^*'I see no urgent anxiety,**' he said at last.
K03 149    |^*'Perhaps I can put it this way,**' said Ormston, *'and now I'm
K03 150 seeing the situation purely as Chancellor. ^Our reserves are low, and
K03 151 are getting lower. ^I feel rather like a father whose child is
K03 152 bleeding to death.**'
K03 153    |^His simile disturbed him; it evoked other associations, and he
K03 154 hurriedly drained the glass of water. ^The Prime Minister said
K03 155 nothing, and Ormston continued,
K03 156    |^*'Let's leave out the political merits of the situation.**'
K03 157    |^*'Is that possible?**'
K03 158    |^*'For the sake of my hypothesis*- yes. ^I'm thinking for the
K03 159 moment in plain, economic terms. ^We can't afford to increase our
K03 160 costs in Africa*- we simply can't afford it. ^I don't mean just our
K03 161 direct military costs. ^I'm thinking of the African Boycott which is
K03 162 already working up. ^I'm afraid, Prime Minister, you're not going to
K03 163 like the trading position when you see it.**'
K03 164    |^*'I never do,**' the Prime Minister commented wearily. ^The
K03 165 Chancellor was repeating an argument which he had already developed
K03 166 for an hour before lunch.
K03 167    |^*'It comes at a bad time,**' said Ormston. ^*'A singularly bad
K03 168 time. ^The Party's very restless, you know.**'
K03 169    |^*'It's a sign of life*- very encouraging!**'
K03 170    |^*'The younger men*-**'
K03 171    |*'Which ones?**'
K03 172    |*'The younger ones like Gore, Vaughan, Hadley, Prebble,
K03 173 Lambert-Price*- the New Africa lot*-**'
K03 174    |^*'Do they confide in you? ^Have you spoken to them?**'
K03 175    |^*'Only at yesterday's meeting*- they're very restless, Prime
K03 176 Minister. ^They feel that it's very old-fashioned*- shooting down mobs
K03 177 of natives. ^They're very much afraid that if the Opposition get a
K03 178 Commission of Enquiry some rather dismal stuff is going to come
K03 179 out.**'
K03 180    |^*'Young back-benchers are always restive when they're bored,**'
K03 181 said the Prime Minister, and for the first time since his
K03 182 grandchildren left the table, he smiled. ^*'Why don't you give them
K03 183 something to play with?**'
K03 184    |^*'They've found their own toy,**' said Ormston, *'and this is it.
K03 185 ^They want to abstain next week.**'
K03 186    |^The Prime Minister continued in his flippant tone,
K03 187    |^*'Tell the Chief to give them a talking-to.**'
K03 188    |^The Chancellor closed his eyes, and then said,
K03 189    |^*'I think it's gone beyond that, Prime Minister. They feel pretty
K03 190 strongly about Africa. ^They are greatly disturbed by the new and
K03 191 rather ugly image of the Party which our African policy is creating.
K03 192 ^On the whole, the country is still in favour of moderation and common
K03 193 sense. ^Melville has in a curious way made us look old-fashioned*-
K03 194 extravagant*- nineteenth centuryish*- almost cranky.**'
K03 195    |^*'Don't you think the British public has reveries of Britannia's
K03 196 strong, firm hand?**'
K03 197    |^*'I think the British public doesn't dislike force provided that
K03 198 it's short, sharp and rewarding.**'
K03 199    |^They both laughed and felt relaxed. ^Then Ormston frowned and
K03 200 went on,
K03 201    |^*'What the British public doesn't like is violence that's
K03 202 protracted, messy and expensive. ^At that point, you get a moral
K03 203 revulsion against force*- especially if it makes taxation rise. ^I
K03 204 must tell you, Prime Minister*- we're heading for an ugly crisis*- and
K03 205 I'm obliged to say this*- Melville has a very heavy responsibility in
K03 206 this matter.**'
K03 207    |^*'What could Melville have done to avoid all this?**'
K03 208    |^*'Well, obviously,**' said Ormston, taking up a pair of
K03 209 nut-crackers, *'he boobed by talking to Julia Drayford*- and that was
K03 210 the start of the whole thing.**'
K03 211    |^The Prime Minister looked puzzled, and said,
K03 212    |^*'Julia Drayford? ^How does she come into it? ^I can't follow
K03 213 these complexities*-**'
K03 214    |^*'It isn't quite that. ^The whole business blew up from
K03 215 Melville's disgraceful indiscretion to Julia Drayford in \0Mrs.
K03 216 M'landa's presence. ^I don't know the exact chain of gossip or who
K03 217 told who what.
K03 218 **[MIDDLE OF QUOTE**]
K03 219 *# 2001
K04   1 **[378 TEXT K04**]
K04   2 ^*0As he turned aside his head, since he could not bear to look at her
K04   3 beautiful, pleading face, he was suddenly attacked by suspicion.
K04   4    |^*'You wish to marry someone else!**' he cried in a voice
K04   5 roughened by jealousy.
K04   6    |^She sighed deeply, and looked away.
K04   7    |^*'Do you? Do you?**' he repeated, fiercely.
K04   8    |^*'If,**' she said gently, giving him a look that set his pulses
K04   9 throbbing, *'if I wished to marry some young gallant, do you think I
K04  10 would ask your help? ^You would be the last man I would ask.**'
K04  11    |^Before he could collect his wits to reply to this, there was a
K04  12 bustle and confusion at the end of the room. ^Prince Doria had wearied
K04  13 of his toy and was packing it away in its painted coffer.
K04  14    |^The party was now preparing to see the tapestries, and in the
K04  15 general movement, Vittoria was separated from Orsini. ^Although
K04  16 neither of them wished to follow the sightseers, there seemed no
K04  17 alternative. ^As she was about to mount a wide and shallow flight of
K04  18 marble stairs, she became aware of someone watching her intently, and
K04  19 turning in that direction, she saw Olimpia, standing beside her
K04  20 admirer, Orlando Cavalcanti. ^The young man was bending over her with
K04  21 the assiduity of a lover, but the girl appeared to be more interested
K04  22 in her cousin's wife, whom she was regarding through half-closed eyes.
K04  23 ^This was a slight shock to Vittoria, who had forgotten the existence
K04  24 of the girl, and, up to this moment had been unaware of the young
K04  25 man's presence at the \*1palazzo.
K04  26    |^*0*'Are you enjoying yourself, Olimpia?**' she asked idly,
K04  27 tapping the girl's cheek lightly with her fan, in passing; but she did
K04  28 not wait for the answer. ^Disturbed by vague uneasiness, she was
K04  29 wondering whether Olimpia had been watching her talk with Orsini.
K04  30 ^Surely she could not have overheard anything they said? ^A moment's
K04  31 reflection reassured her on that point, for she was certain no one had
K04  32 been standing near them. ^However, something inimical in the girl's
K04  33 look put Vittoria on guard. ^*'{Santa Maria}! ^These spying eyes!**'
K04  34 she thought, bitterly.
K04  35    |^Doria was continually stopping on the way, to point out, with
K04  36 childish pride, objects of beauty or interest. ^Vittoria, on the
K04  37 fringe of the party, caught snatches of this information, which held
K04  38 no interest for her: *'... now this sapphire ... ^I like to think it
K04  39 may have fallen from the dark hair of the Empress Messalina, as she
K04  40 crouched in terror in the gardens of Lucullus, awaiting the sword of
K04  41 the executioner.**'
K04  42    |^*'Ah!**' exclaimed Farnese, with a snigger. ^*'The old cuckold
K04  43 Claudius had the last word, after all. ^He knew how to deal with an
K04  44 adulterous wife, eh, Orsini?**'
K04  45    |^If the duke made any reply to this, Vittoria did not hear it.
K04  46    |^Now they entered the long gallery where they dispersed and
K04  47 wandered around, admiring and commenting on the glowing hues and
K04  48 barbaric splendours of the tapestries Doria had brought back from
K04  49 Lepanto. ^After a short interval, Orsini found an opportunity to
K04  50 rejoin Vittoria.
K04  51    |^*'We must talk further,**' he said in a low urgent voice.
K04  52 ^*'Where?**'
K04  53    |^*'Be careful,**' she whispered from behind her fan. ^*'Olimpia is
K04  54 watching us. ^The young man with her is Orlando Cavalcanti,
K04  55 Francesco's friend.**'
K04  56    |^Orsini shot an impatient glance at the couple. ^*'The young man
K04  57 with the mole?**'
K04  58    |^*'Yes, indeed.**'
K04  59    |^*'No matter. ^They are not looking at us. ^Now I must know,**' he
K04  60 whispered, *'what you meant, {*1cara mia}. ^*0Do you want your freedom
K04  61 in order to marry?**'
K04  62    |^Before replying to this, she glanced hastily around, then spoke
K04  63 in tones so low that he had to bend his head to hear: ^*'I will never
K04  64 be any man's mistress. ^As to marrying again ... if I were free ...
K04  65 there is only one man I would wish to marry ... but ... he, like
K04  66 myself, is now bound.**'
K04  67    |^With a swift gesture she closed her fan and moved away from him
K04  68 towards the group in the centre of the gallery, leaving him standing
K04  69 alone, against that glowing, barbaric background, with a deeply
K04  70 thoughtful expression on his face.
K04  71 *<*5Chapter Six*>
K04  72    |^*0On a bright unclouded morning a few days after the visit to the
K04  73 Doria Palace, the cardinal's coach left the villa, lurched over the
K04  74 unpaved track and turned towards the ruined Baths of Diocletian.
K04  75 ^Vittoria, accompanied by her maid, Lucia, was on her way to the
K04  76 Accoramboni villa, ostensibly to pay a daughterly call on her father,
K04  77 actually to coax money from that indulgent parent to settle her
K04  78 mounting debts. ^Lucia was thinking how beautiful her mistress looked,
K04  79 and how cunningly the olive-green dress with its underskirt of
K04  80 rose-brocade fitted her perfect figure. ^Vittoria's thoughts were more
K04  81 complex.
K04  82    |^The sparkling society of the Doria Palace, the flattery of
K04  83 Orsini's obsession, the thwarted ambitions of her restless spirit, all
K04  84 threw into sharp relief the contrast of her grey life with the
K04  85 splendid one that filled her dreams. ^At the Villa Montalto she felt
K04  86 an alien, and although she had repeatedly urged Francesco to give her
K04  87 a separate establishment, he invariably pleaded his financial
K04  88 dependence on his uncle, who had built the villa for his family. ^He
K04  89 reminded her that they must abide by Roman custom, and dwell there
K04  90 with their relations.
K04  91    |^Her values were those of the materialist who assesses every human
K04  92 being in terms of fame, power and wealth. ^Francesco she despised for
K04  93 his dullness, his lack of initiative, his subservience to his uncle.
K04  94 ^Her husband's gentleness and amiability, his unselfish love for her,
K04  95 she regarded as signs of weakness. ^He was a futile creature who had
K04  96 not even proved capable of giving her a child. ^Whatever passion she
K04  97 had experienced in the first months of marriage had been ousted by
K04  98 contempt. ^She had never loved him.
K04  99    |^Her thoughts rushed to Orsini. ^Since the meeting in the Doria
K04 100 Palace, no word had come from him, and this silence oppressed her
K04 101 spirits with a weight of misgiving. ^She had, perhaps, demanded too
K04 102 much. ^The kiss in the garden had plumbed unsuspected depths in her,
K04 103 and she knew that if she yielded to him, her passion could, indeed,
K04 104 match his. ^Every instinct urged her to surrender, for there was that
K04 105 in his nature to which her own had responded as it had responded to no
K04 106 other human being. ^Prudence, ambition and reason had held instinct in
K04 107 check, and they must dictate her course. ^There could be no
K04 108 compromise.
K04 109    |^For a brief interval she allowed herself the luxury of dreams.
K04 110 ^She began to imagine life at Bracciano, the balls and fe*?5tes, the
K04 111 conversation of poets and dilettanti. ^She visualized the pageantry of
K04 112 the tournament, and herself on the ducal dais beside Orsini, placing a
K04 113 chaplet of roses on the brows of some young conqueror in the lists.
K04 114    |^This reverie was rudely ended as the coach gave a sickening jolt
K04 115 and came to an abrupt stop, nearly throwing the two girls from their
K04 116 seats.
K04 117    |^Lucia uttered a cry of alarm.
K04 118    |^*'Look, madonna, we are surrounded!**'
K04 119    |^It was true. ^Men armed with pikes and daggers swarmed about them
K04 120 and a lean, swarthy fellow was peering through the window, grinning
K04 121 impudently.
K04 122    |^*'{Santa Maria}!**' shrieked Lucia. ^*'\*1Banditti!**'
K04 123    |^*0Vittoria now realized that they were outside {Santa Maria degli
K04 124 Angeli}, and that except for a few beggars crouching in the doorway of
K04 125 the church and exhibiting loathsome sores, the area was deserted.
K04 126    |^*'They are not \*1banditti, *0Lucia,**' said Vittoria, pointing
K04 127 to the badge on the man's shoulder. ^The words were clear. ^*'Beware
K04 128 my hug!**' ^Lucia stared speechlessly at the golden bear; Vittoria
K04 129 swiftly averted her head to avoid the impertinent glance of the
K04 130 retainer. ^Her thoughts at this moment were chaotic.
K04 131    |^The coach now turned in another direction, towards the wild and
K04 132 desolate region behind the baths. ^It was sparsely inhabited, dotted
K04 133 with fallow fields and terraced vineyards, and here and there jutted a
K04 134 brown outcrop of flower-wreathed ruins, a pathetic reminder of Rome's
K04 135 former greatness. ^In this region of Monti most of the public baths
K04 136 had been built in the time of the Caesars, but with the breaking of
K04 137 the aqueducts during the barbarian invasions the baths had lost their
K04 138 purpose; they had become stone quarries and their precious marble had
K04 139 been burnt for lime. ^Now escaped criminals and bandits used these
K04 140 quarries as hiding places, to the danger of travellers in the
K04 141 district.
K04 142    |^As they lumbered past at a rattling pace, Vittoria could see a
K04 143 wisp of smoke curling above the fire of a gypsy encampment and a few
K04 144 tatterdemalion creatures gathered about it, cooking their frugal meal.
K04 145 ^These were left far behind. ^An old man belabouring an overladen
K04 146 donkey, and a withered crone appeared on the horizon, were overtaken
K04 147 and forgotten. ^Except for their escort, Vittoria and Lucia might have
K04 148 been the only living creatures on an empty planet.
K04 149    |^After the initial shock, Vittoria felt calm. ^She knew exactly
K04 150 what she wanted, and was prepared to take it without scruple, if she
K04 151 could. ^What she had forgotten in her self-absorption in her own
K04 152 schemes was that other people were equally absorbed in their schemes,
K04 153 which were likely to run counter to her own. ^This move today was a
K04 154 reminder of that fact.
K04 155    |^Whilst she automatically patted the hand of the agitated Lucia,
K04 156 her brain was working rapidly, and she decided that she must be
K04 157 prepared to counter Orsini's demands, difficult though that would be.
K04 158    |^She became aware that the pace was slackening; now the coach
K04 159 stopped. ^The moment had come. ^Upon the ensuing interview the future
K04 160 would depend. ^Outwardly she was calm, but her heart was beating fast,
K04 161 and the palms of her hands were damp. ^Orsini's high-crowned hat with
K04 162 its jaunty plume blotted out the light; his hand was on the door.
K04 163 ^Glancing at Lucia he said in French to Vittoria: ^*'Your maid ... is
K04 164 she reliable?**'
K04 165    |^She shrugged her shoulders, and replied in the same language:
K04 166 ^*'Yes. ^But make it worth her while.**'
K04 167    |^*'I see. ^I know how to deal with people like that,**' and
K04 168 turning to the cowering Lucia, he spoke in her own language. ^*'Do you
K04 169 know who I am?**'
K04 170    |^*'No, signor,**' she whispered.
K04 171    |^*'I am the Orsini. ^My word is law in Rome.**'
K04 172    |^Lucia was regarding him as a rabbit looks at a stoat.
K04 173    |^Thrusting his head farther into the coach, he said sombrely:
K04 174 ^*'Have you ever heard of a punishment called the cord?**'
K04 175    |^She blanched and shrank away. ^Was there not a street near Sant'
K04 176 Angelo called the Lane of the Corda where criminals were hoisted by
K04 177 their wrists forty, fifty, sixty feet into the air, and dropped again
K04 178 and again, until their arms were wrenched from their sockets.
K04 179    |*'You have heard of it? ^The Orsini give that to traitors. ^There
K04 180 is no escaping the vengeance of an Orsini. ^We hunt a traitor down to
K04 181 the ends of the earth, and no power can save him ... or her. ^Do you
K04 182 understand?**'
K04 183    |^*'Yes, signor,**' she faltered.
K04 184    |^*'On the other hand,**' he continued, giving her a keen look,
K04 185 *'the Orsini are generous to those who serve them faithfully.
K04 186 ^Remember that, my girl.**'
K04 187    |^Lucia was beyond speech.
K04 188    |^He turned to Vittoria, sitting erect, with flushed cheeks and
K04 189 eyes sparkling with anger. ^*'And now, madonna,**' he said smoothly,
K04 190 *'we will continue the conversation started at the Doria Palace. ^Be
K04 191 pleased to alight.**'
K04 192    |^*'I think,**' she replied coolly, *'I prefer to stay where I
K04 193 am.**'
K04 194    |^*'In that case,**' he reverted to French, *'I shall be obliged to
K04 195 lift you from the coach.**'
K04 196    |^Without answering him, she rose, and bending over the agitated
K04 197 girl, said softly: ^*'No one will harm you, Lucia. ^Remain here.**'
K04 198    |^Ignoring his proffered hand, she stepped from the vehicle.
K04 199    |^*'Will you be so good as to order your men not to molest my
K04 200 maid,**' she said coldly to Orsini.
K04 201    |^*'She is absolutely safe,**' he replied; but he turned,
K04 202 nevertheless, to the man who had peered into the coach, whom he had
K04 203 addressed as Luigi, and gave him sharp instructions on the matter.
K04 204    |^Vittoria stood looking about her, breathing the scent of thyme.
K04 205 ^The land at her feet sloped away into a tiny valley beyond which, on
K04 206 the crest of a wooded hill-side, the ruins of a small temple were
K04 207 etched against the clear blue of the sky.
K04 208 *# 2029
K05   1 **[379 TEXT K05**]
K05   2 *<*44*>
K05   3    |^*2LONDON *0Airport was an impressive monument to the air age.
K05   4 ^Its stately, although modernistic lines, made it a dignified portal
K05   5 to the capital, though visitors had to overlook various prefabricated
K05   6 buildings that were still in use. ^The immigration officials were
K05   7 courteous ambassadors, too. ^Vera, though international in outlook,
K05   8 could not help feeling parochial pride in the way they handled the
K05   9 passengers.
K05  10    |^She had not told Sir Arthur Nicholas the exact time or date of
K05  11 her arrival and so there was no car to meet her. ^But she did not
K05  12 regret it. ^In the large airport bus she had a better view of the
K05  13 London she had not seen for over two years.
K05  14    |^Nor had she told her parents that she was coming. ^It would have
K05  15 been too much of a disappointment to them if her plans had changed.
K05  16    |^For the first few hours she felt like a foreigner in her own
K05  17 London. ^It took time to become used to hearing so much English
K05  18 spoken. ^The London she savoured as she sped towards the air terminal
K05  19 was prosperous and sleek*- so like the well-fed cats she saw sitting
K05  20 in the gardens and on the doorsteps of the trim suburban houses lining
K05  21 the way.
K05  22    |^Yet it struck her as odd that the shops in the suburban shopping
K05  23 centres resembled those of an English village. ^They were a reminder
K05  24 of the time when the districts had been little hamlets before they
K05  25 were swallowed up in London's vast sprawl.
K05  26    |^She observed with approval that many stages of history were still
K05  27 written in the architecture of London. ^There were a few streets of
K05  28 opulent, Victorian houses, now sadly declining like gentlewomen in
K05  29 straitened circumstances. ^There were rows of workers' houses built in
K05  30 the late nineteenth century. ^Some, now cheekily painted in gay
K05  31 colours, with pots of little trees on either side of the doors, had
K05  32 become the homes of young artists or writers. ^Houses were like
K05  33 people, she thought, sometimes up, sometimes down.
K05  34    |^At the air terminal Vera hailed a taxi and gave the name of an
K05  35 hotel off Curzon Street. ^It had once been a private home, and now was
K05  36 a dignified discreet place catering for people who could no longer
K05  37 afford to keep town houses. ^A few well-connected foreign scientists
K05  38 were usually to be found there, a diplomat or two and American
K05  39 tourists of the more conservative type.
K05  40    |^Vera had never stayed in a London hotel of any sort before and
K05  41 had at first intended to stay with her parents. ^But she decided she
K05  42 could not face it. ^She must avoid outside distractions at all costs.
K05  43 ^She must conserve her strength for the vitally important business
K05  44 meetings in which she would be taking part.
K05  45    |^London was like a sleeping princess, awakened to life and beauty
K05  46 by the kiss of the sun. ^Often its attractions were veiled, hidden by
K05  47 fog or dimmed by grey rain. ^But today the sun had broken through.
K05  48    |^As her cab sped towards the hotel, she planned an itinerary. ^She
K05  49 would visit her parents that afternoon. ^Tomorrow she would arrange to
K05  50 see Sir Arthur. ^After that, her schedule would look after itself.
K05  51    |^Her hotel room proved to be ideal for complete relaxation. ^It
K05  52 was elegant and neat and Vera adored tidiness. ^As soon as the porter
K05  53 had brought up her suitcase, she telephoned her mother.
K05  54    |^*"Vera! ^Where are you? ^How wonderful to hear your voice. ^Are
K05  55 you really here?**"
K05  56    |^*"Yes, mother dear. ^I'm at Crewe's hotel. ^How are you? ^How is
K05  57 father?**"
K05  58    |^*"Fine, apart from his lumbago. ^You can telephone him at his
K05  59 office. ^He doesn't like it but this is a special occasion. ^When are
K05  60 we going to see you? ^How long are you staying?**" ^The questions
K05  61 tumbled out.
K05  62    |^*"Only two days, mother. ^I am here on business. ^I have a job
K05  63 now. ^I'll come over in about an hour and tell you all about it.**"
K05  64    |^*"Is everything all right?**" ^Her mother's voice sounded
K05  65 anxious.
K05  66    |^*"Quite all right, mother. ^Everything is splendid*- never
K05  67 better.**"
K05  68    |^*"Is Jacques with you?**"
K05  69    |^*"No.**" ^There was a pause.
K05  70    |^Vera knew at once that her mother was thinking there must be
K05  71 something wrong between her daughter and son-in-law. ^She said
K05  72 good-bye and telephoned her father who tried out his night-school
K05  73 French on her, very slowly and correctly. ^Vera often made mistakes in
K05  74 grammar when she spoke French but she spoke as fast as any
K05  75 Frenchwoman. ^Her father could never bring himself to do anything
K05  76 imperfectly. ^His favourite proverb was that if a thing couldn't be
K05  77 done properly, it shouldn't be done at all. ^Therefore his French
K05  78 would always be halting.
K05  79    |^She telephoned Sir Arthur Nicholas and a crisp, cool, well-bred
K05  80 voice asked for her name.
K05  81    |^*"\0Mr. Arzrumian's secretary. ^I would like to make an
K05  82 appointment with Sir Arthur.**"
K05  83    |^The secretary had been alerted to the impending visit of
K05  84 Arzrumian. ^*"One moment,**" she said. ^*"Sir Arthur would like to
K05  85 speak to you.**"
K05  86    |^Thirty seconds later, Sir Arthur said, ^*"Welcome to London.
K05  87 ^Come to the office about twelve and we can have lunch afterwards. ^Or
K05  88 what about today?**"
K05  89    |^Vera answered, ^*"I'd like to see my parents first.**"
K05  90    |^*"Quite right,**" approved Sir Arthur.
K05  91    |^Vera's parents lived at Southgate and although the underground
K05  92 service was excellent, Vera felt justified in indulging in the luxury
K05  93 of a taxi.
K05  94    |^The house was one of a terrace and was kept spotless. ^Her mother
K05  95 often exuded, to Vera's sensitive nostrils, a smell of carbolic soap
K05  96 and metal polish which were constantly in her hands. ^Hidden behind
K05  97 the curtains, her mother had been watching for her arrival. ^As the
K05  98 taxi drew up she ran out and hugged and kissed Vera. ^She held her at
K05  99 arm's length. ^*"How is my little girl?**" she asked oblivious of the
K05 100 fact that Vera was several inches taller. ^Vera felt that they were at
K05 101 once on a far better footing than they had ever been.
K05 102    |^Mother and daughter entered the house arm-in-arm and the
K05 103 questions began. ^*"You're so beautifully dressed,**" she said and
K05 104 added quite inconsequentially, *"can't you stay the night?**"
K05 105    |^*"Not this time,**" said Vera, *"I have to prepare some notes for
K05 106 tomorrow. ^I have a very important business meeting.**"
K05 107    |^*"How is Jacques? ^I'm longing to meet my son-in-law. ^Are you
K05 108 really happy with him, darling?**" asked her mother, gazing at Vera
K05 109 searchingly. ^It had been her great regret that she had not been able
K05 110 to attend the wedding in Hongkong. ^Vera wondered whether it was her
K05 111 imagination or was there just a hint of hopefulness in her mother's
K05 112 expression*- did she wish to hear bad news? ^Vera's old irritation
K05 113 with her mother returned for a moment.
K05 114    |^*"Everything is absolutely fine,**" Vera assured her. ^*"I have a
K05 115 wonderful job. ^I am secretary to \0Mr. Arzrumian.**"
K05 116    |^*"Arzrumian?**" echoed her mother. ^*"Where did you meet him?**"
K05 117    |^*"In Paris.**"
K05 118    |^*"Does Jacques approve of you taking a job?**"
K05 119    |^*"Anything which makes money has his approval,**" said Vera,
K05 120 tartly. ^Her mother said in scandalized tones that money wasn't
K05 121 everything and thought how hard her daughter had become.
K05 122    |^The Brandons were working-class, without much money but she had
K05 123 never had to take a job. ^They had always managed and \0Mrs. Brandon
K05 124 could afford to scorn other people's interest in money.
K05 125    |^Her father arrived at six o'clock, a library book under his arm
K05 126 as usual. ^After greeting him affectionately, Vera glanced at the
K05 127 title. ^It was *1Religion without Revelation, *0by Julian Huxley.
K05 128 ^*"Dear, serious Father,**" she said. ^She thought, ^*"How much I love
K05 129 you.**" ^How many railway employees read books on philosophy? ^Her
K05 130 father had given himself a first-rate education by reading good books
K05 131 and remembering what was in them. ^He had left school at 14 but could
K05 132 have held his own with the most educated people.
K05 133    |^Vera had decided not to confide any of her business affairs to
K05 134 her parents. ^She did not want them to worry about her. ^Neither was
K05 135 daring nor held views beyond the rest of the people with whom they
K05 136 mixed. ^It had given them quite a jolt when she had married Jacques.
K05 137 ^Her mother was barely a generation removed from people who considered
K05 138 that a foreigner in the family was not quite respectable.
K05 139    |^Vera spent a happy evening. ^Her father proudly took her round
K05 140 his little garden for, next to philosophy, gardening was his hobby and
K05 141 every flower in the small rectangle was carefully watched and lovingly
K05 142 tended. ^At last, it was time to say good-bye and both mother and
K05 143 father escorted her to the Underground station. ^As Vera went down the
K05 144 escalator she looked back and her parents were still waving to her.
K05 145 ^She felt strangely moved at the sight of the two elderly figures
K05 146 above her.
K05 147    |^The train roared in with a rush of pungent air. ^Vera sat down on
K05 148 her comfortable seat, closed her eyes and thought a little sadly about
K05 149 her parents.
K05 150    |^Green Park station was only a short walk to her hotel but the
K05 151 streets had not yet been cleared. ^Several young women in eye-catching
K05 152 well-made clothes stood at every corner. ^One or two spoke to each
K05 153 other in French. ^An expensively dressed little man turned a corner
K05 154 and approached Vera. ^*"How much do you charge, dear?**" he asked.
K05 155    |^Vera looked contemptuously at him. ^*"More than *1you *0could
K05 156 afford, my good man.**" ^She stalked on, wryly amused.
K05 157    |^Reaching her hotel, she was overjoyed to find a huge bouquet of
K05 158 flowers, with a vase placed beside it, already filled with water. ^On
K05 159 the card was written: ^*"From *'Arsenic**' to \0Mrs. Vital, our
K05 160 devoted secretary.**" ^So Sir Arthur was a *1gallant *0as well as a
K05 161 shrewd businessman!
K05 162    |^Next morning, Vera walked through the Park as far as Buckingham
K05 163 Palace, and down to the ornamental lake. ^She found it exhilarating to
K05 164 be back again. ^Although it was early in the year, tourists were
K05 165 wandering about already. ^A group of people was watching open-mouthed
K05 166 the sentries in their scarlet uniforms outside the gates of the
K05 167 Palace. ^Americans posed for their pictures with the Palace as a
K05 168 background. ^It was extraordinary how attractive Americans found
K05 169 royalty and nobility.
K05 170    |^She looked at her watch and decided it was time for her
K05 171 appointment with Sir Arthur. ^There was no doubt Sir Arthur was
K05 172 pleased to see her. ^No doubt, too, that he had been conducting a test
K05 173 of *'Hairmone**'. ^His head was covered with coppery red hair which
K05 174 made him look many years younger. ^It was about an inch long*- long
K05 175 enough for a crew-cut. ^*"I am very grateful, my dear,**" said Sir
K05 176 Arthur, running his fingers through the thatch. ^*"I never thought it
K05 177 would happen to me.**" ^If Sir Arthur had hesitated about going into
K05 178 business with Vera, he was now her staunch ally.
K05 179    |^*"This,**" said Sir Arthur, tapping his head, *"is going to
K05 180 convince that obstinate old buzzard, Eric Selby, to join us. ^He's a
K05 181 hard-headed Yorkshireman and we need his advice. ^He's involved in
K05 182 several of my business ventures but I have to twist his arm to make
K05 183 him take on new commitments. ^That,**" said Sir Arthur, *"is the
K05 184 penalty of success.**"
K05 185    |^They left for the Savoy when Sir Arthur had signed more letters
K05 186 and Eric Selby was waiting for them. ^He looked from Vera to Sir
K05 187 Arthur and was astonished and amused at the same time.
K05 188    |^*"Arthur,**" he whispered on the way to the table, *"what's the
K05 189 idea of the toupee? ^And why red?**"
K05 190    |^*"Toupee be damned,**" said Nicholas. ^*"I'll tell you about it
K05 191 at lunch.**"
K05 192    |^Vera sat opposite Eric Selby. ^She had already noted that he was
K05 193 of medium height, very thin and gave an impression of greyness. ^Now
K05 194 studying him more closely, she saw that greyness was the dominant
K05 195 characteristic of the man. ^He had thick, rather long, grey hair.
K05 196 ^*"Not a future client for *'Hairmone**',**" she thought to herself.
K05 197 ^He wore a grey Savile Row suit of exactly the same colour as his
K05 198 hair. ^His eyes were greyish-blue*- the colour of a winter sky. ^He
K05 199 wore heavy framed glasses, which gave him a professorial look. ^If
K05 200 accents have colours, his was grey, for he spoke with a north-country
K05 201 voice.
K05 202 *# 2006
K06   1 **[380 TEXT K06**]
K06   2    |^*0*'What's that?**' she said, loudly, as if by speaking he had
K06   3 released anger which she had been gathering against him all the time
K06   4 he had been standing next to her. ^Keeping his face completely serious
K06   5 \0Dr. Horn swayed two or three inches back then forward as if a wind
K06   6 had struck him.
K06   7    |^She took a deep breath and gave her thick neck and shoulders a
K06   8 shake which she probably thought a convulsive shudder. ^*'If you're
K06   9 suggesting that Martin isn't old enough...**' she said in a new low
K06  10 voice of drama.
K06  11    |^She found no difficulty in assuming for convenience that the
K06  12 attack she had begun on Martin hadn't happened. ^He was ashamed of the
K06  13 way she credited other people with her own short memory. ^He went past
K06  14 them into the narrow hall. ^He hesitated at the stairs, knowing they
K06  15 had turned to watch.
K06  16    |^He needed some warning of what he would find. ^He could imagine
K06  17 his mother saying later, ^*'If only I had had the sense to tell you
K06  18 not to disturb him that first evening.**' ^He went past the cream
K06  19 banisters, down the passage to the kitchen.
K06  20    |^He stood near the gas cooker. ^Behind him in the hall the doctor
K06  21 said, ~*'\0Mrs. Mason, I don't want to worry you...**' then they
K06  22 passed into the sitting-room and closed the door. ^He had begun
K06  23 quickly, as if, now that he had to talk, he must do it before she
K06  24 could question him, bringing confusion to the subject. ^When Martin
K06  25 stood in the hall he could hear him going on speaking to her, but not
K06  26 what he was saying. ^He could hear his balanced speaking and the short
K06  27 level snubs he gave her interruptions. ^He could hear the way that she
K06  28 went on interrupting because she wasn't understanding that he was
K06  29 snubbing her.
K06  30    |^Presently she started to talk and he was letting her. ^They had
K06  31 turned towards the door and he heard the doctor say, ^*'That's what I
K06  32 said, \0Mrs. Mason.**' ^After she had said a lot more he said, ^*'No,
K06  33 \0Mrs. Mason, that was not what I said.**' ^He went back down the
K06  34 passage to the kitchen. ^When he heard her coming he went to the far
K06  35 end of the deal table and sat against it with his back to the door.
K06  36    |^*'It's a stroke, that was what he was meaning. ^He wouldn't say
K06  37 it, but I could tell.**'
K06  38    |^Martin kept still, facing away. ^*'How serious?**'
K06  39    |^*'Oh, he wouldn't tell me that. ^Good gracious me, no!**'
K06  40    |^*'You can't remember anything he said?**'
K06  41    |^*'I tell you I can remember very well indeed...**'
K06  42    |^She thought that as usual he was trying to make her seem stupid.
K06  43 ^He wondered how to persuade her that she was wrong.
K06  44    |^*'I'll go up.**' ^He stood waiting, expecting her to stop him.
K06  45    |^She said, ^*'This is the time we should have someone we could
K06  46 trust.**'
K06  47    |^He went round the deal table on the far side from her, down the
K06  48 passage and upstairs. ^He wondered whether she might cry because of
K06  49 this rude way he had left her and knew that if she cried she would
K06  50 make it loud enough for him to hear. ^One of the triangular
K06  51 stained-wood stair-rods had come away from its lacquered brass clip.
K06  52 ^He didn't like to think how it had happened.
K06  53    |^On the half-landing he stood near the porthole window. ^The
K06  54 engine of the doctor's car revved loudly in the drive as if he
K06  55 controlled it clumsily. ^The headlights came on, lighting up the
K06  56 circle of window with the two-inch orange border. ^She had often
K06  57 complained about his father's choice of doctor and knew now that she
K06  58 had been right.
K06  59    |^He understood why his father had chosen him. ^He could only bear
K06  60 to have a doctor who did not take the absurd business too seriously,
K06  61 who realized that the whole sad joke of men living for only seventy
K06  62 years was made worse if you treated it as anything else.
K06  63    |^On the upper landing he stood in front of his father's door, not
K06  64 sure whether to knock. ^Something moved behind him.
K06  65    |^She was standing halfway up the stairs, so that her head was on
K06  66 the level of his feet. ^*'That's right,**' she said. ^He could not
K06  67 think how she got there without making a noise. ^She usually went
K06  68 upstairs heavily, lifting her knees sideways as if her feet were
K06  69 weighted, frowning at the effort. ^She had never reconciled herself to
K06  70 things which hurt her, and sometimes he was frightened that when bad
K06  71 things began to happen she would have so little habit of optimism to
K06  72 support her. ^Or perhaps she might never understand that they were
K06  73 worse than going upstairs.
K06  74    |^*'What is it?**'
K06  75    |^*'That's right,**' she said, this time raising her arm in the
K06  76 long-sleeved blouse to point. ^He opened the door and went in.
K06  77    |^There was a low light on a chest of drawers. ^The two beds were
K06  78 at the far end with their feet towards him, one flat, the blankets on
K06  79 the other raised in a narrow heap.
K06  80    |^His father lay on his back. ^His chest was curiously high and
K06  81 sharp like a pigeon's. ^He wore a thin dressing-gown but most of it
K06  82 was under the bedclothes. ^His face was white and a little shiny, as
K06  83 if damp. ^It was turned away, so that for a second Martin thought he
K06  84 was asleep, but his eyes were open.
K06  85    |^His father didn't move his head but after a second he turned his
K06  86 eyes. ^He seemed to make no effort to speak or even smile. ^Presently
K06  87 he turned them back. ^Martin doubted if he had turned them far enough
K06  88 to see him.
K06  89    |^It was so unlike him that he could not understand it. ^He knew
K06  90 now that he had expected his father to accept this with the same smile
K06  91 that he accepted everything else. ^Suddenly he had an idea of how much
K06  92 worse it might be, that his father was lying here alone and terrified
K06  93 by what had happened to him.
K06  94    |^He wanted to say something to prove it wasn't true. ^He put his
K06  95 hand on to the bedclothes where he thought his father's shoulder might
K06  96 be. ^There was something below and he pressed it gently, trying with
K06  97 all his power to convey the sympathy he felt. ^His father gave no sign
K06  98 that he had noticed. ^Perhaps it had been a lump of the pillow. ^He
K06  99 went quickly to the door.
K06 100    |^When he came on to the landing he heard his mother telephoning in
K06 101 the hall below. ^*'Of course, he may have been feeling ill for weeks
K06 102 and said nothing... ^Well, it would be just like Herbert... ^That's
K06 103 right... ^Not at the moment, not one word... ^Of course, dear. ^As
K06 104 soon as there's anything fresh... **'
K06 105    |
K06 106    |^A nurse came three times a day and sat his father up to feed him.
K06 107 ^He let this happen but had no appetite, and the plates she brought
K06 108 down to the kitchen often had white mouthfuls of steamed fish which he
K06 109 had chewed but not been able to swallow. ^It was difficult to tell
K06 110 whether he was unable to speak or whether he could see no point.
K06 111 ^Sometimes he started to say things in a hoarse whisper, looking ahead
K06 112 as if there might be people to either side who would stop him, but
K06 113 never got further than one or two words. ^Most of the time he lay on
K06 114 his back with his eyes open. ^After three days there seemed nothing
K06 115 Martin could do and he went to the office again.
K06 116    |^They had given the speech to Burridge. ^They would be able,
K06 117 later, when time had become a little confused, to explain his failure
K06 118 by his father's illness, if they wanted to.
K06 119    |^When he came home in the evenings he sat in the chair by his
K06 120 father's bed. ^At first he asked cheerfully how he was feeling, but
K06 121 these questions, left unanswered, seemed to lead only to the bad
K06 122 answers they might have had. ^He did not like to talk about other
K06 123 things, because he could understand their terrible irrelevance to
K06 124 everything his father must be feeling, and knew, when he mentioned the
K06 125 new morning schedules on the Alton line, that he was only showing him
K06 126 how completely he was failing to understand. ^He had an idea his
K06 127 father would have liked to hear him say hopeful things about his work,
K06 128 but they would have been too different from his usual silence.
K06 129    |^Sometimes he went away quickly, sometimes he sat for quarter of
K06 130 an hour, saying little. ^The weather had changed and outside the
K06 131 window strong winds swayed the heavily leafed chestnut tree in the
K06 132 dark summer evening, sometimes showing the wet concrete of the house
K06 133 next door, sometimes when the whole top was driven sideways by a
K06 134 violent gust showing the grey clouds moving fast above. ^He wanted
K06 135 badly to tell him how sorry he was for the hard, offhand way he had
K06 136 sometimes behaved to him. ^He found himself more and more surprised
K06 137 that any person could bear to be hard to another.
K06 138    |^He thought of the years a long time ago when his father had
K06 139 seemed happy. ^There had been a feeling of hope then which had gone
K06 140 later. ^Things had not been settled in the poor way they later became
K06 141 settled.
K06 142    |^He remembered a time when they had gone to stay with the Bowerses
K06 143 and Bowers had been building a mud wall, some rustic craft he had
K06 144 discovered. ^He remembered the planks set up to form a mould for the
K06 145 wet mud. ^Though he could only have been four or five he could
K06 146 remember Bowers' enthusiasm and amusement, and how his father had
K06 147 responded to this and how as they had wheeled the barrows of sloshy
K06 148 mud they had sung songs which he now realized had been parts of some
K06 149 opera they half knew and half could not remember. ^Bowers had sung the
K06 150 male voice and his father the female, both doing it with great
K06 151 seriousness which was half mock half real.
K06 152    |^Later he could remember the vicious things his mother had said
K06 153 about \0Mr. Bowers. ^He had not questioned that he must believe that
K06 154 he had always been wicked. ^His father had not said these things but
K06 155 he had not contradicted them.
K06 156    |^He had been told that there had been a mistake and his father had
K06 157 been blamed when it had been \0Mr. Bowers' fault. ^He could remember
K06 158 how he had not been able to understand why his father did nothing
K06 159 about this. ^*'But why don't you tell them?**' ^It had all seemed so
K06 160 simple but his father had shaken his head.
K06 161    |^After that there had been another job, then quite soon the war.
K06 162 ^It sometimes seemed to Martin that this had been the best time for
K06 163 his father. ^Being compelled to do a job which there was no point in
K06 164 questioning and no chance of failing at had suited him.
K06 165    |^When his father told stories about the war a curious happiness
K06 166 came over him which the stories themselves did not explain. ^There had
K06 167 been one about helping to break all the bottles in a bar in Cairo and
K06 168 waking up there next morning laid out between two chairs with nothing
K06 169 on but his boots, which his mother had particularly disliked.
K06 170    |^Once his father had shown him a small automatic pistol from the
K06 171 war and he had hoped for a moment to learn something exciting. ^*'Did
K06 172 you capture it?**'
K06 173    |^His father shook his head, smiling a little at something the
K06 174 question had made him remember.
K06 175    |^*'Did you find it?**'
K06 176    |^He shook his head again. ^*'Someone gave it me.**' ^Martin had
K06 177 not liked to go on questioning him, suspecting that this would be an
K06 178 intrusion on some private memory which he wanted to respect.
K06 179    |^After the war his father had gone to his first advertising agency
K06 180 but he had not liked it. ^There had even been a time when he had left
K06 181 it to take up tutoring and there was still a box of school textbooks
K06 182 in the attic.
K06 183 *# 2001
K07   1 **[381 TEXT K07**]
K07   2    |^*0He fell morosely on the bed.
K07   3    |^She came over and sat down beside him.
K07   4    |^How old are you?
K07   5    |^Twenty-four*- and fully grown as others can tell you.
K07   6    |^Well, I'm twenty-seven. ^Still young in years perhaps, but pretty
K07   7 old in hours I can tell you. ^If I thought you were really in love
K07   8 with me I'd never tell you, but as you're only in love with love I
K07   9 will. ^You're inexperienced and that's the truth.
K07  10    |^Thanks for nothing.
K07  11    |^Don't get huffy. ^Why do men always think they're great lovers by
K07  12 nature. ^To copulate is natural, to make love's an art.
K07  13    |^And I'm no artist?
K07  14    |^On the contrary! ^All men are, but, like all artists, they need
K07  15 training.
K07  16    |^I'll roll up at the Polytechnic.
K07  17    |^Liszt and Tchaikovski were born geniuses but they had to learn
K07  18 how to read and write notes.
K07  19    |^Love's a natural act.
K07  20    |^So's singing and dancing*- but they still need training. ^To a
K07  21 woman the preliminaries of love are the most important and that's
K07  22 where art comes in. ^You have to learn what women like before you can
K07  23 bring out the best in them!
K07  24    |^I'd have thought that pretty obvious.
K07  25    |^Don't be vulgar.
K07  26    |^Isn't it vulgar to want... ^I don't know *1what *0things you do
K07  27 want!
K07  28    |^No. ^The body needs food*- but you cook it to enjoy it as well.
K07  29 ^The body needs physical love for many reasons but prefers it served
K07  30 with attraction.
K07  31    |^What else *1can *0a man do?
K07  32    |^Boy, are you kidding!
K07  33    |^Ah well, our love affair was short if not sweet.
K07  34    |^You mean you don't want me any more?
K07  35    |^Don't tell me you're willing to sacrifice yourself again?
K07  36    |^For answer she pushed him back against the cushions and brought
K07  37 her face very close.
K07  38    |^Don't you want to kiss my lips?
K07  39    |^Anger and desire fought within him, blow for blow.
K07  40    |^Her red mouth came closer and brushed against his lips, light as
K07  41 a feather. ^Her voice came soft and sweet as a marshmallow:
K07  42    |^Just brush them like this and this... and this... you'll feel the
K07  43 blood pulsing... don't attack a mouth as if you're dipping a mop into
K07  44 a slop-bucket... always go much slower than you want to, it increases
K07  45 desire...
K07  46    |^And Desire came up with a straight left and Anger staggered...
K07  47 ^Her lips parted and the tip of a pink tongue came slowly out and
K07  48 caressed his mouth from corner to corner, deliciously slow, back and
K07  49 forwards, slipping in a fraction of an inch and out again to the
K07  50 rhythm of a drum that had started somewhere inside his head. ^Her
K07  51 voice was a gentle murmur, caressing him with words that were as sweet
K07  52 as they were naughty and nonsensical.
K07  53    |^Desire followed up with a couple of nasty rights to the face of
K07  54 Anger, who gave at the knees.
K07  55    |^Her head moved slowly, her lips and tongue spoke a language he
K07  56 understood without having learned it. ^Her tongue went in deeper and
K07  57 touched his own, gliding round it, pulling it in and letting it go.
K07  58    |^Desire uppercutted neatly and Anger took the full count.
K07  59    |^He looked up into her eyes and saw the immeasurable depth of
K07  60 eternity that God has put in there for man to lose himself in.
K07  61    |^He'd taken over now and was looking down at her as she lay on his
K07  62 bed. ^Her voice murmured on, soft and caressing as a kiss:
K07  63    |^Look at my throat... don't you want to kiss it... to follow its
K07  64 lines and taste my skin...
K07  65    |^He forgot time and place. ^He, the master, was gently led along
K07  66 erotic paths which he knew existed, but had never trodden. ^He learned
K07  67 how to use his hands, how to adore that body without haste, how to
K07  68 caress every inch with his mouth as well, to creep down along her
K07  69 smooth muscles till he lost himself in a rapture of kisses in places
K07  70 he'd dreamed of, where life began to ooze and quickened his heart beat
K07  71 to a thunder.
K07  72    |^He looked at her. ^Head thrown back in a pool of hair, her
K07  73 blood-red lips parted and the beating of her heart in the full throat.
K07  74    |^Her mouth did things he thought no human being could stand without
K07  75 dying, but he went on living in an ocean of voluptuousness, that
K07  76 swelled and ebbed over him, under him, in him and through him...
K07  77    |^He was having a ball!
K07  78    |^He twiddled the {0TV} set with shaking hands. ^She sat calmly
K07  79 on the bed smoking a cigarette.
K07  80    |^His face was white with two red blotches. ^Hers was flushed and
K07  81 lovely.
K07  82    |^{0O.K.} teacher! ^Was that any better?
K07  83    |^You know it was! ^You don't need teaching, only a little coaxing.
K07  84    |^He sat down and ran his finger down along her spine.
K07  85    |^Do you love me now?
K07  86    |^Like yesterday! ^I'm extremely fond of you. ^The fact that you're
K07  87 beginning to satisfy my physical wants does not change that. ^Before
K07  88 long you'll give me the satisfaction that'll set me rocking on my
K07  89 feet, but I'll still be only fond of you.
K07  90    |^But you wouldn't marry me?
K07  91    |^No. ^I'm not your type. ^I'd make you miserable. ^I mean that.
K07  92 ^I'd very probably be unfaithful and that'd kill you.
K07  93    |^Then I'd be unfaithful too, to teach you a lesson.
K07  94    |^It wouldn't work. ^You'd do it to spite me. ^I would never do it
K07  95 for that reason. ^To me it'd be immaterial whether you'd retaliate or
K07  96 not. ^You'd go crazy if that situation arose.
K07  97    |^Pretty conceited, aren't you?
K07  98    |^No, truthful. ^You're the faithful type. ^You'll marry a darned
K07  99 attractive girl and you'll never tell her of me, but you'll be
K07 100 grateful because you'll be able to give her all she wants by day *1and
K07 101 *0night. ^And that's a lot, considering that 60 per cent of all
K07 102 married women in the West never get full satisfaction. ^Mostly because
K07 103 40 per cent never expect to get real pleasure out of it and are
K07 104 convinced it's their duty to suffer the husband, and 20 per cent
K07 105 because they never dare talk or do it by daylight. ^They don't dare
K07 106 tell a loving husband they only begin to like it when he's already had
K07 107 his fun and prepares for sleep. ^They don't dare tell him to find out
K07 108 what she wants. ^They don't know that tastes differ just as much in
K07 109 sex as in anything else. ^It's man's duty to find out and experiment.
K07 110    |^{0O.K.} ^Now look in your tea-leaves again and tell me what's
K07 111 in store for yourself?
K07 112    |^Have I never told you? ^End of the year I'm marrying Mason, the
K07 113 sculptor.
K07 114    |
K07 115    |^His affair with Charlie was the best period in his life so far.
K07 116    |^Sheila, who was a disconcertingly observant little pigeon for all
K07 117 her reserve and innocence, once hit the nail fully on the head when
K07 118 she said he looked as if he had everything he wanted in life except
K07 119 money.
K07 120    |^That was true enough*- for a while that is!
K07 121    |^He'd thrown his pride to the wind and accepted Charlie's
K07 122 superiority in seduction. ^And it was hard to imagine a prettier
K07 123 teacher. ^Nothing gave him greater pleasure than to watch his
K07 124 improvements in her face, when she would genuinely sigh and toss her
K07 125 lovely head in sweet agony. ^To observe the colour rise in her cheek
K07 126 and hear her breath come faster, to see the slight beads of sweat come
K07 127 out on her glistening skin and see her move with uncontrolled rhythm.
K07 128 ^To have her twist in an attempt to receive a caress he was purposely
K07 129 withholding, to hear her deep-throated moan of full satisfaction and
K07 130 feel her shivering, clawing surrender.
K07 131    |^Not so dusty, she might say afterwards, drawing at a cigarette.
K07 132    |^It's a wow! he said.
K07 133    |^She kissed him motherly:
K07 134    |^You just wait till you teach the girl you really love.
K07 135    |^He didn't protest any more to say he loved her because he knew it
K07 136 to be untrue.
K07 137    |^Instead he said:
K07 138    |^Will that be better?
K07 139    |^She nodded:
K07 140    |^It's man's nature to teach and to teach those we love is double
K07 141 pleasure.
K07 142    |^And she might add:
K07 143    |^And don't forget to leave the lights on. ^You lose half the fun
K07 144 when you fumble in the dark.
K07 145    |^She had many direct comments like that. ^Once she quietly pushed
K07 146 him back when he kissed her too fully and too soon:
K07 147    |^Oi, not yet, you oaf. ^What do you think my mouth is? ^A
K07 148 billposter's bucket to be plunged in at random?
K07 149    |^He'd learned to laugh when something went wrong or the situation
K07 150 became ludicrous, as when they were both caught in the raw when he'd
K07 151 forgotten to lock his door and Derek had walked in unexpectedly.
K07 152 ^They'd just had time to nip into the bathroom and stood there
K07 153 shivering for fifteen minutes while their guest was smoking a
K07 154 cigarette waiting for him. ^At last Derek got tired and left.
K07 155    |^Just in time, erupted Charlie. ^If he'd stayed any longer I'd
K07 156 jolly well have asked him to join us. ^I'm so darned cold I could do
K07 157 with two men.
K07 158    |^You perverted sex-maniac, you wouldn't dare.
K07 159    |^Show me what you can do and I'll tell you if you need help.
K07 160    |
K07 161    |^Once he came back to the subject of her marriage and asked her
K07 162 why she was going to marry her sculptor.
K07 163    |^Because I love him, of course. ^What do you think?
K07 164    |^But he's a lot older, isn't he?
K07 165    |^I suppose so.
K07 166    |^What attracts you? ^It can't be physical?
K07 167    |^Of course not! ^I love him for what he is*- he's so great I'm a
K07 168 bit scared of him*- a woman must be a bit scared to be really in love.
K07 169    |^That's why you could never love me?
K07 170    |^Correct, ducky! ^You just wait till you meet the girl who thinks
K07 171 you're a god. ^It'll make you feel like one!
K07 172    |^You think that sculptor's a god?
K07 173    |^Perhaps, in a way. ^All I know is that I need him.
K07 174    |^He kissed the heart beat in her throat.
K07 175    |^But how about the physical side? ^You're quite an erotic little
K07 176 beast; can he satisfy that?
K07 177    |^You youngsters always overestimate yourselves. ^You can take it
K07 178 from me that he can and does. ^But even if he were impotent I'd still
K07 179 love and want him. ^There are sides to me you'll never know.
K07 180    |^Don't you feel guilty living with me?
K07 181    |^Often! ^Don't you?
K07 182    |
K07 183    |^Mary had married her bill broker some time ago and he now
K07 184 shuddered when he remembered the clinical weekends he used to spend
K07 185 with her.
K07 186    |^He often used to try to imagine her reactions if he had once
K07 187 treated her as he did Charlie, but his imagination failed.
K07 188    |^The efficient little Mary would probably have called it a
K07 189 shocking waste of time and told him to get down to business!
K07 190    |
K07 191    |^Charlie, who was perfectly at home at all sorts of artistic
K07 192 circles, had amongst others wangled him a membership ticket for a
K07 193 small club for artists only. ^It was situated in the attic of a huge
K07 194 old-fashioned house and lit by candle-light, which made it seem very
K07 195 romantic through a glass of something or other and which made it
K07 196 impossible to check bills very carefully.
K07 197    |^Charlie and he sometimes went there for a meal and a dance. ^The
K07 198 food was good and the three men in the corner made just sufficient
K07 199 noise on a piano, an accordion and a set of drums, to enable the
K07 200 patrons to cling together and call it dancing. ^There was never any
K07 201 rock and rolling at the Chipsteak Club. ^Its members did not care for
K07 202 physical exercise.
K07 203    |^There were a number of hostesses who changed constantly. ^They
K07 204 certainly did not belong to the class of hostesses usually associated
K07 205 with small clubs; on the other hand, many a member had often found
K07 206 them very amenable if given sufficient time*- and attention. ^Charlie
K07 207 knew practically every one there, from the big Irish painter who sat
K07 208 glued to his corner every night from opening at eight till closing at
K07 209 one-thirty, to the latest addition to the staff of hostesses.
K07 210    |^These girls soon lost interest in him when they found he was
K07 211 neither a painter nor an assistant film-producer and left him alone to
K07 212 contemplate the motley lot from a corner.
K07 213 *# 2018
K08   1 **[382 TEXT K08**]
K08   2 ^*0She had forgotten that she had already told him about the man who
K08   3 was the hero in another context that could not, by any stroke of
K08   4 circumstance or fate, be linked with what she had now concocted. ^It
K08   5 had been calculated to place her in a romantic light, but all it did
K08   6 was to make her seem more pitiable*- and for that he could have hated
K08   7 her. ^He liked her brash and vulgar, the teller, as she had
K08   8 occasionally become, of dirty stories, because it was as chummy and
K08   9 uncomplicated as being with another man in a bar.
K08  10    |^He didn't take her home that night; he made the excuse*- lies
K08  11 were contagious things*- his car was in dock. ^Instead, he telephoned
K08  12 for a taxi for her*- which he would pay for when he saw her into it
K08  13 outside.
K08  14    |^While they were waiting for it, she said, ^*"Have you met your
K08  15 neighbour yet?**"
K08  16    |^They were in the entrance hall, and a car had driven up, out of
K08  17 which stepped a grey-haired woman in a Persian lamb coat*- but it was
K08  18 not his neighbour, not the one Thornie meant. ^For a moment, he had
K08  19 thought it was, but that woman was less tall and also younger.
K08  20    |^*"No.**"
K08  21    |^*"Seen her about at all?**"
K08  22    |^*"Now and again.**"
K08  23    |^The taxi came, and before Thornie got into it, she kissed him.
K08  24    |^*"Give my love to your mother,**" he said.
K08  25    |^His distinguished neighbour had never been alone when he had
K08  26 encountered her in the corridor. ^There was always her chauffeur with
K08  27 her, and sometimes her maid. ^He had not even wished her good
K08  28 morning*- as was the polite custom between the tenants. ^She looked
K08  29 too damn haughty every time, with her head held high*- and in her
K08  30 spiked heels she was taller than himself. ^Her eyes never once cast
K08  31 him the merest glance. ^Sometimes she affected the smoked sun glasses
K08  32 with the big blue frames she'd worn the day of her arrival.
K08  33    |^But the morning after Thornie dined with him, around midday, he
K08  34 met \0Mrs. Longdon-Lorristone coming from the lift with the chauffeur.
K08  35 ^They had barely passed him when he heard her tell the chauffeur she
K08  36 had left something in the car, and that he was to go back for it, she
K08  37 could manage. ^*"I'm here,**" she said, *"and I've got my key.**"
K08  38    |^As the chauffeur walked quickly past him, James looked back, and
K08  39 he saw her standing by her door, fumbling with the key. ^She was
K08  40 carrying a big black crocodile bag, and she had a parcel as well. ^He
K08  41 saw the key fall from her hand, and her stooping to pick it up*- and
K08  42 he heard her swear. ^He went back, retrieved the key for her, and
K08  43 opened her door with it.
K08  44    |^*"Oh, thank you!**" she said. ^*"I don't think I know your
K08  45 name?**"
K08  46    |^*"It's Longdon,**" he said, *"I am a new neighbour of yours.**"
K08  47    |^*"Oh! ^I have heard of you. ^Thank you so much. ^But*- won't you
K08  48 come in?**"
K08  49    |^He looked at his watch; he would be late for lunch down-town, but
K08  50 perhaps his guests could cool their heels for a little while. ^One of
K08  51 them was trying to interest him in launching a literary magazine*- and
K08  52 there was no possible future in it, in a country with a population the
K08  53 size of Australia's. ^The maid appeared, and took the parcel from her
K08  54 mistress, who said, ^*"Leave the door, Frances. ^Mathew is on his way
K08  55 up again.**" ^And then she said, ^*"Oh, do come in, \0Mr. Longdon,
K08  56 unless you are in a hurry.**"
K08  57    |^Her flat was pretty much what he had expected; the apartment of a
K08  58 rich woman of taste, and his eye immediately alighted on a Degas. ^He
K08  59 remarked on it, and spoke of having seen her gift to the gallery.
K08  60 ^*"My son,**" she said, *"has a Renoir, one I gave him when he married
K08  61 the first time,**" as other women might speak casually of having given
K08  62 their sons a car they had no further use for.
K08  63    |^*"Oh, do please sit down!**" ^She raised her voice then, and
K08  64 called out, ^*"Frances, bring the sherry, please.**" ^She sat down in
K08  65 a wing armchair, and when the decanter and two glasses were brought on
K08  66 a round silver tray, she said, ^*"Will you pour your own, please, and
K08  67 one for me?**" ^James did so, and when he had put the glass into her
K08  68 hand, she said, ^*"Will you please bring up the little table. ^I am
K08  69 stiff about the joints. ^I drop things*- as you saw.**" ^And she
K08  70 proceeded to tell him about her arthritis. ^He did not sit down; he
K08  71 stood with his drink, sipping it, and studying her from top to toe*- a
K08  72 woman remarkably well-preserved for her age, who might easily pass for
K08  73 one much younger. ^Beyond the mention of her disability, she gave
K08  74 nothing else away. ^Very correctly, she was handing out the polite but
K08  75 casual hospitality due to a new neighbour who had rendered her a small
K08  76 service. ^Challenged more by her correctness than by any encouragement
K08  77 to talk of any topic beyond the weather and how long he had been in
K08  78 Melbourne, he said, ^*"You know my flat, don't you?**"
K08  79    |^*"Naturally, \0Mr. Longdon! ^Wasn't that a rather superfluous
K08  80 question?**" ^But she smiled.
K08  81    |^He took his leave of her then, and they shook hands. ^Hers was
K08  82 thin and bony, and very narrow across the knuckles. ^She did not get
K08  83 up from her chair.
K08  84    |^He did not encounter her again in the corridor, but he thought
K08  85 about her over the next ten days. ^Once, when her door was open to
K08  86 admit a caller, he heard the radio on; and he heard it, again, late at
K08  87 night, muffled through that closed door and the supposedly soundproof
K08  88 wall.
K08  89    |^Then he telephoned her early one morning, and asked her if she
K08  90 would come and have a drink with him that evening, or any other that
K08  91 suited her. ^She said she was sorry, she couldn't that evening, and
K08  92 she so very rarely went out in the evenings now. ^It was a decided
K08  93 rebuff, although her voice itself sounded pleasant enough, not cold
K08  94 and stiff, or off-putting.
K08  95    |^He said, ^*"It's not intended to be a party.**"
K08  96    |^*"No? ^But all the same, if you will forgive me. ^It is very kind
K08  97 of you to have asked me.**" ^And then, when he would have rung off,
K08  98 she said, ^*"I suppose you have changed the flat a lot? ^I know you
K08  99 bought the furniture, and I imagine you've turned it round, because no
K08 100 one else's arrangement ever suits one, does it?**"
K08 101    |^*"I've changed nothing,**" he said, *"except I've got my own
K08 102 books and I've got the desk by the window, instead of in the middle of
K08 103 the room.**"
K08 104    |^*"That should be an improvement. ^It was always too big for the
K08 105 centre of the room, but Sir Eric liked it that way. ^I think it gave
K08 106 him the feeling of being in his office*- and more at home.**"
K08 107    |^*"Then, won't you come and see it all?**"
K08 108    |^*"Sometime, perhaps. ^I will let you know.**"
K08 109    |^He had avoided Thornie in her role of *1{6femme fatale}, *0but
K08 110 she went to a great deal of trouble to find him a book on old
K08 111 Melbourne, which he'd casually told her he wanted to read and not been
K08 112 able to find in any library. ^She had finally unearthed it at the back
K08 113 of a second-hand bookshop, without any cover to indicate its title or
K08 114 its value to collectors, and she left it in a parcel on his doorstep
K08 115 one day when he was out. ^She must have hoped to find him in, as there
K08 116 was no letter with it, only an obviously hastily-written message on
K08 117 the outside, ^*"With Thornie's love.**" ^So he asked her out to
K08 118 dinner, and they were back where they were before she concocted that
K08 119 fairy tale.
K08 120    |^Almost the first thing she said, was, ^*"There's a girl lodging
K08 121 with \0Mrs. Hogg who Stephen Longdon-Lorristone brought home one
K08 122 night. ^What do you think of that?**"
K08 123    |^He couldn't think of anything, and so he said nothing.
K08 124    |^*"She works in the hairdressing at Longdon's, and he got her the
K08 125 job. ^He picked her up somewhere.**"
K08 126    |^*"That sounds very kind of him.**"
K08 127    |^Thornie laughed. ^*"Oh, you men! ^Always stick up for each other,
K08 128 don't you? ^His kindness extended to taking her out to dinner and to
K08 129 his house for a drink after and bringing her back. ^\0Mrs. Hogg saw it
K08 130 all.**"
K08 131    |^*"What did she see?**"
K08 132    |^*"Oh, I suppose them in the car together, and she didn't like it,
K08 133 even if it was milord. ^The girl's only a kid when all's said and done
K08 134 and from up-country too. ^You'd think he'd know his onions a bit more,
K08 135 wouldn't you, than to carry on like that? ^He may find his wife cold.
K08 136 ^She looks it. ^A good-looker, mind you, if you care for that English
K08 137 type. ^I don't often go down on the ground floor, but we get the usual
K08 138 discount on what we buy and I was getting stockings one lunch hour
K08 139 when she came through with all the kids in tow. ^It was the end of the
K08 140 holidays, and I suppose she was getting them new school clothes. ^She
K08 141 never wears a hat. ^That's very English, and it's caught on. ^Once no
K08 142 Toorak woman would have been seen dead down-town without a hat on.
K08 143 ^They used to look*- and some of the old ones still do*- as if they'd
K08 144 got a lunch date with the Queen.**"
K08 145    |^He wanted to say to her, ^*"Don't spread that story, Thornie.**"
K08 146 ^But he wasn't her keeper; neither was he the guardian of the
K08 147 reputation of the Longdon-Lorristone family. ^He wasn't, as she would
K08 148 have said, in their league. ^Among the acquaintances he had made*- and
K08 149 he had made a good many by now*- there was not one who could claim to
K08 150 know the mother, the son, or the daughter-in-law, other than by
K08 151 repute.
K08 152    |^About a week after hearing that piece of gossip from Thornie, his
K08 153 doorbell rang one night, shortly before nine o'clock. ^The sound of
K08 154 it, in its discreet little buzz, interrupted his reading. ^Putting
K08 155 down his book, he went to the door, opened it wide and saw that the
K08 156 caller was \0Mrs. Longdon-Lorristone.
K08 157    |^*"I've taken you,**" she said, *"at your word! ^Although I think
K08 158 the suggestion was that I should telephone you first? ^But if you are
K08 159 not alone, and I have come at an inconvenient hour, I will go away
K08 160 again.**"
K08 161    |^*"Please come in,**" he said.
K08 162    |^She stepped over the threshold, partly leaning on a stick, and he
K08 163 shut the door behind her. ^In his surprise, speech had momentarily
K08 164 almost deserted him. ^He had been deep in his reading, and in another
K08 165 century, another world, and the adjustment to the present one had been
K08 166 slow to come. ^He was associating her with the character of a
K08 167 Byzantine empress, with conflicting tragedies being enacted over her
K08 168 head, Nemesis catching up with her, punishing her for her ruthlessness
K08 169 and selfishness and her passion for getting her own way. ^But what he
K08 170 saw was an ageing, hesitant Australian woman in her slow walk from the
K08 171 front door to the living-room, where she paused and said, ~*"It is a
K08 172 great improvement,**" meaning, he presumed, the desk he had moved near
K08 173 the window. ^He drew up a chair for her, and took her stick away, and
K08 174 offered cigarettes, asking if she would have a drink. ^She refused the
K08 175 drink. ^Then, disarmingly, she said, ^*"I suddenly felt lonely. ^My
K08 176 maid is out.**" ^She laughed. ^*"I found I was out of cigarettes too!
K08 177 ^Perhaps I smoke too much!**"
K08 178    |^It was the opening for a little discussion on the minor vices, as
K08 179 two shipboard companions might talk while occupying long chairs side
K08 180 by side. ^There is nothing like the shared confession of silly
K08 181 weaknesses to set a ball rolling. ^That was only the preliminary, for
K08 182 she wanted to know all about him; not quite all, she was too polite,
K08 183 but the outline of his past, which he gave her as he had given it to
K08 184 Thornie.
K08 185 *# 2009
K09   1 **[383 TEXT K09**]
K09   2 **[MIDDLE OF QUOTE**]
K09   3 ^*0You have seen it. ^The big white hat, the white swallow-tailed coat
K09   4 with the shiny braid, the ridiculous cravat*- in action he looks like
K09   5 a Southern planter at a picnic. ^His stock of bottles was all set up
K09   6 on the wagon. ^He hadn't yet begun to sell them. ^He had to inveigle
K09   7 his audience first...**'
K09   8    |^How I wish I had been there. ^These forests of the Congo could
K09   9 have seen nothing like it. ^The bland, self-assured voice enveloping
K09  10 his spectators in a cocoon of honey: commercialism seemed to be the
K09  11 last thing he had in mind. ^He'd started his show. ^He had to seek the
K09  12 lowest common denominator of the audience. ^He was doing card tricks.
K09  13 ^Tossing out the aces, then picking them out of mid-air. ^It might
K09  14 have gone down well up near Lake Chad, where there is an Arabic
K09  15 influence*- on these denser sons of Ham it had no effect at all. ^He
K09  16 went swiftly on to cigarette tricks. ^That was better. ^The audience
K09  17 hummed. ^Father Felix told me: ^*'How he did it, I do not know. ^He
K09  18 puffed at a handful of lighted cigarettes, threw them all into the
K09  19 river and then retrieved them one by one from behind the ears of the
K09  20 crowd. ^They rubbed their heads confusedly to see where they came
K09  21 from. ^How does he do it?**'
K09  22    |^*'Why didn't you watch?**'
K09  23    |^*'I did. ^He drew a lighted cigar from out of my cassock. ^How
K09  24 embarrassed I was.**'
K09  25    |^*'It would have been interesting to see him try it on Agnes.**'
K09  26 ^I spoke prematurely: he had something more dramatic for her in mind.
K09  27    |^And all the time that facile enchanting patter... it was a kind
K09  28 of enchantment, wasn't it? ^*'It was impossible both to listen to him
K09  29 and watch him closely,**' said Agnes. ^*'In the end we didn't really
K09  30 hear what he was saying, nor see exactly what he was doing with his
K09  31 hands.**' ^Which suggests a very expert patter.
K09  32    |^There is the moment when the mass tension of an audience has
K09  33 suddenly to be heightened*- the magician, like his brother the
K09  34 demagogue, must know when to turn the screw. ^Agnes said: ^*'Of
K09  35 course, he wasn't paying me any particular attention. ^But he was
K09  36 aware of me in the crowd. ^I had no wish to be drawn into his
K09  37 mumbo-jumbo...**'
K09  38    |^*'Agnes, can we forget the personal aspect for a moment? ^What
K09  39 did he do?**'
K09  40    |^*'He produced a white chicken from his props. ^He held it up. ^It
K09  41 fluttered and squawked. ^He said to it: ~*"Go, little bird,**" and
K09  42 flung a cloth over it. ^When he whisked it away the chicken was gone.
K09  43 ^He began to call out, ~*"Little bird, where are you?**" and came down
K09  44 from his wagon as if searching for it in the crowd. ^He stopped by
K09  45 me*- I hadn't the faintest idea of his intention*- he slapped suddenly
K09  46 at my skirt, and I swear to you I felt with horror the flapping
K09  47 feathers between my legs. ^The chicken escaped from under me and I
K09  48 heard everybody hissing with shock. ^It wasn't enough. ^He had to
K09  49 embarrass me further*- he picked up an egg as if it had been freshly
K09  50 laid.**'
K09  51    |^*'I've seen that trick performed in the Bobino in Paris...**'
K09  52    |^*'The natives have never been to Paris. ^The effect on them was
K09  53 staggering.**'
K09  54    |^Father Felix said disturbedly: ^*'One mustn't take liberties with
K09  55 people who are so susceptible to magic, ~What makes us laugh*- these
K09  56 music-hall illusions*- can literally petrify them.**' ^Did it matter?
K09  57 ^The chief and his wives, his sons Shadrach and Meshach, had
K09  58 approached the fringe of the crowd. ^Joe Moses opened up a large
K09  59 coloured box to show that it was empty. ^He called out:
K09  60    |~*"What shall we have for supper? ~Sucking pig?**" and persuaded
K09  61 one of the women to throw a cheap bangle into the box. ^More
K09  62 incantations. ^He tossed the box over the heads of the crowd. ^It
K09  63 burst open as it landed and a young pig squealed and ran out into the
K09  64 forest.**'
K09  65    |^I haven't seen *1that *0one in the Bobino.
K09  66    |^Then swiftly the {6*1pie*?3ce-de-re*?2sistance}*- *0after all,
K09  67 he had to get down to the business of unloading his bottles. ^He must
K09  68 have prepared one of the boys: the young black imp popped gigglingly
K09  69 into a crate. ^*1That *0one I have seen. ^A few mock pistol-shots into
K09  70 it. ^A sabre slammed fearsomely through it in all directions. ^The
K09  71 natives suddenly expectant of tragedy*- but the crate opened and the
K09  72 young imp of mischief came waddling out.
K09  73    |^Agnes said with sudden pleasure: ^*'But he'd been too smart.
K09  74 ^He'd undone himself. ^When he started his sales talk...**' and she
K09  75 began to mimic him ironically: ~*'*"My friends, I have here the
K09  76 age-old remedies of the famous Shoshone Indians, the essences that
K09  77 made them strong and virile...**" nobody in the crowd would even
K09  78 glance at his bottles. ^It was as if he'd bewitched them. ^They were
K09  79 frozen into inertia. ^He went about trying to interest them in his
K09  80 Shoshone cure-alls, but he might have been addressing black statuary*-
K09  81 it was quite uncanny, his face fell. ^When he'd gone the rounds he
K09  82 hadn't sold a single bottle.**'
K09  83    |^*'Hoist with his own petard,**' I said.
K09  84    |^*'I didn't like it,**' said Father Felix. ^*'There was something
K09  85 about the tribe that troubled me.**'
K09  86    |^*'Joe Moses, too. ^Sales resistance troubles every business man.
K09  87 ^What did he do with his bottles?**'
K09  88    |^*'Emptied them into the river. ^He was very angry.**'
K09  89    |^*'Perhaps the fishes'll grow as strong and virile as the Shoshone
K09  90 Indians. ^Still, it must have been a wonderful show.**'
K09  91    |^*'He made a wonderful fool of himself,**' Agnes said.
K09  92    |
K09  93    |^It was fate, in fact, that was making fools of all of us. ^I said
K09  94 before that the stage had been set*- it awaited the last theatrical
K09  95 prop. ^The curtain was now ready to go up. ^It only needed my personal
K09  96 attendance. ^I arrived with thirty soldiers and a display of armaments
K09  97 in three flat-bottomed river transports the following afternoon.
K09  98 *<*5Chapter Four*>
K09  99    |^*0These weren't the Kano \*1gendarmerie. ^*0They were soldiers.
K09 100 ^Nothing as alarming as Caesar's centurions*- even with Springfield
K09 101 carbines it's difficult for thin black shanks and tarbooshes to strike
K09 102 terror into the heart. ^But they were the best of our native levies.
K09 103 ^French {0N.C.O.}s can whip neolithic African bowmen into military
K09 104 shape. ^It had given the Governor a bad half-hour of heart-burn before
K09 105 he decided to send them. ^They were equipped with a few light
K09 106 automatic weapons and tear-gas grenades. ^In command of them was a
K09 107 cold \*1sous-lieutenant, *0a veteran of the Indo-Chinese war. ^I think
K09 108 he rather hoped for a small brisk action. ^He paraded his troops at
K09 109 the fringe of the village.
K09 110    |^Like the schoolmaster's cane, every civilian administrator has to
K09 111 keep the idea of the military instrument at the back of his mind*-
K09 112 but, when he first sees light machine-guns being assembled, his
K09 113 stomach goes cold. ^The \*1sous-lieutenant *0was placing them
K09 114 strategically at the end of the street.
K09 115    |^And a silence fell upon the village. ^Nothing moved: not a child,
K09 116 not a rooster. ^Father Felix had seen the platoon marching by the
K09 117 mission. ^He came hurrying out.
K09 118    |^He cried: ^*'But I never dreamt you were serious.**' ^It was the
K09 119 nearest thing to rage I'd ever seen in him. ^Agnes came palely behind.
K09 120    |^*'They've made it serious for me, haven't they? ^Did you think I
K09 121 warned them so strongly just to exercise my voice?**'
K09 122    |^*'Louis, you cannot know what you are doing...**'
K09 123    |^*'I'm doing my duty as I see it. ^It's that perverse chief. ^He
K09 124 has forced my hand.**'
K09 125    |^*'It is utterly unforgivable.**'
K09 126    |^*'It's easy for you to talk.**' ^He was making me feel both
K09 127 stubborn and guilty. ^*'If anything goes wrong, there's nobody but God
K09 128 to blame you. ^I have the Governor to contend with. ^If he jumps on me
K09 129 I'm out of a job.**'
K09 130    |^*'But they have guns. ^Look.**' ^He pointed. ^He couldn't believe
K09 131 his eyes.
K09 132    |^*'You must think I like the military sticking its nose in.**' ^I
K09 133 said bitterly: ^*'We spend our lives running things the quiet way.
K09 134 ^Then the army arrives*- a blow, a false word*- bang*- suddenly there
K09 135 are shots. ^All right. ^If that's the way they want it. ^But don't ask
K09 136 me to clean up the mess.**'
K09 137    |^Agnes said: ^*'Get those soldiers out of sight at once.**'
K09 138    |^*'They haven't come here to play hide-and-seek.**'
K09 139    |^*'If they come a solitary step nearer...**'
K09 140    |^*'Nobody wants to precipitate trouble. ^They'll stay where they
K09 141 are.**' ^Father Felix tugged incoherently at my sleeve*- he took a
K09 142 step towards the two light automatic weapons perched in the dust at
K09 143 the end of the street. ^The \*1sous-lieutenant *0had an eye for
K09 144 positioning. ^Suddenly one realised exactly what was meant by
K09 145 *'covering fire**'. ^I felt almost as nervous as Father Felix. ^I
K09 146 dragged him back. ^*'Are you mad? ^These are disciplined soldiers.
K09 147 ^They aren't Christians.**'
K09 148    |^*'What?**'
K09 149    |^*'Your cassock wouldn't save you. ^If you interfered with them
K09 150 they would fire.**'
K09 151    |^He said impatiently: ^*'As if that matters...**'
K09 152    |^*'It matters to me. ^The Governor would assassinate me.**' ^I
K09 153 stared beseechingly at Agnes. ^She said to Father Felix: ^*'Be
K09 154 still.**'
K09 155    |^*'I have the Governor's written orders,**' I said. ^*'We're to
K09 156 move the tribe out of the valley with the minimum of force...**'
K09 157    |^*'How small is minimum?**' asked Father Felix. ^He'd begun to
K09 158 sweat.
K09 159    |^I wasn't answering that one. ^*'All inhabitants are to be
K09 160 prepared for transit, all stocks, herds, movable goods. ^Compensation
K09 161 will be paid for unavoidable...**'
K09 162    |^*'Stop waving that abominable paper in my face. ^I don't object
K09 163 to them going. ^I only want them to go voluntarily.**'
K09 164    |^*'So do I. ^I don't want them to have to swim. ^Will you show the
K09 165 chief the orders?**'
K09 166    |^*'I have a tongue.**' ^He stalked off. ^I *1was *0in bad odour
K09 167 with him. ^I watched the \*1sous-lieutenant *0deploying his soldiers
K09 168 through the trees. ^Agnes said coolly: ^*'You mean well, Louis.**'
K09 169 ^Thank God for small encouragement. ^*'But you're a foolish busybody,
K09 170 if there are two ways of doing a thing, you'll always choose the wrong
K09 171 one.**' ^That wasn't so encouraging. ^She went striding briskly
K09 172 towards the chief's hut.
K09 173    |^The village had become of a sudden thronged. ^There were too many
K09 174 men: I strained my eyes, for the dazzle of the sun was painful and
K09 175 perspiration wetted my lashes, to see if they bore weapons. ^Children
K09 176 howled. ^An old woman advanced a few paces to shake her fist
K09 177 virulently in my face. ^I brushed her off like a fly. ^Yes, there were
K09 178 shields in the crowd. ^Except for hunting, they hadn't used bows and
K09 179 spears since the mission had been planted in the valley: and now they
K09 180 were banging the stretched hide shields, it sounded like the boom of
K09 181 an approaching herd. ^The chief in his white coat was talking
K09 182 excitedly with Father Felix...
K09 183    |^...and sweat, sweat like cold needles, sprang out on me.
K09 184 ^Something nosed like a gun-barrel into the small of my back. ^I
K09 185 jumped about. ^That wretched beast, the elephant, breathing
K09 186 inoffensively not a pace behind me. ^How silently it moved. ^Joe Moses
K09 187 sat atop of it. ^I peered up emotionally and said: ^*'Do not ever do
K09 188 that again.**'
K09 189    |^*'Your nerves are in bad shape.**'
K09 190    |^*'Yours would be, too. ^Remove that creature from me. ^It
K09 191 smells.**'
K09 192    |^*'So the marines are here.**'
K09 193    |^*'What? ^Yes, the soldiers. ^It's the only way.**'
K09 194    |^*'When does the battle open?**'
K09 195    |^*'You're mad. ^This doesn't concern you. ^Go away.**'
K09 196    |^*'You don't listen, do you?**'
K09 197    |^*'To you? ^Who would?**'
K09 198    |^*'I told you, a man doesn't have to be big, doesn't matter if he
K09 199 has a belly,**' and again he surveyed me with cold languor, *'so long
K09 200 as he has the sap in him to command respect. ^I should have qualified
K09 201 it. ^He has to have brains in his head, too. ^Remember what I said?
K09 202 ^About not shoving a mule to water when ten sweet words will coax it
K09 203 along?**'
K09 204    |^*'Your*- what do you call it*- cracker-barrel philosophy makes me
K09 205 sick.**'
K09 206    |^*'But better sick than dead.**'
K09 207    |^*'They're a very obtuse people. ^There comes a time when one has
K09 208 to show strength.**'
K09 209    |^*'Suppose they resist you with strength?**'
K09 210 *# 2004
K10   1 **[384 TEXT K10**]
K10   2 ^*0He had raised his voice above normal to address his friend.
K10   3    |^*'I would be delighted to show \0Mrs. Egerton my collection,**'
K10   4 Theodore replied. ^*'Perhaps you would all come and have tea with me
K10   5 this week? ^Perhaps*- Thursday?**' ^He looked from Sylvie to Sonia.
K10   6    |^*'Could you then?**' asked Sylvie.
K10   7    |^Sonia thought rapidly. ^Harold would be absent in Salonika for
K10   8 some days; this made the arrangement of her own timetable much
K10   9 simpler.
K10  10    |^*'I shall look forward to it very much,**' she said.
K10  11    |^*'And bring your icon with you,**' added Andre*?2.
K10  12    |^*'We'll pick you up on the way,**' said Sylvie.
K10  13    |^There was a movement behind them and Hugo, who had disappeared
K10  14 for a moment, reappeared carrying a chair, which he placed beside
K10  15 Andre*?2 and invited him to be seated.
K10  16    |^*'But, my dear boy*- we must be going!**' exclaimed Andre*?2.
K10  17 ^*'Very kind of you*- but we're the last. ^Of course we could stay
K10  18 here talking and browsing among the books all night but I don't think
K10  19 we'd be very popular.**'
K10  20    |^They looked round the room to discover that they were indeed the
K10  21 last there, except for the two men employed to keep an eye on the
K10  22 books and rearrange them after the visitors had left.
K10  23    |^They dispersed in the entrance but Sonia accepted a lift in
K10  24 Andre*?2's car, which dropped her at her flat.
K10  25    |^Harold had not returned. ^She wondered uneasily where he could
K10  26 be, but since he rarely told her his plans this evening was no
K10  27 exception. ^She could not understand the nervousness that sent her
K10  28 wandering through the rooms, into the hall, back again into the
K10  29 drawing-room, out on to the terrace, until she was suddenly able to
K10  30 pin down its causes. ^Magda's face hovered against the darkness,
K10  31 disembodied, panic-struck; she could not eliminate it. ^She was afraid
K10  32 and could only hope that the girl had gone home to Erich who loved
K10  33 her, however hopelessly.
K10  34    |^The afternoon which had begun so promisingly with the friendly
K10  35 laughter in Andre*?2's flat and the new acquaintances she had made
K10  36 through the French archaeologist, had turned sour since Harold and
K10  37 Magda had put their acid into it. ^She had also been made restless by
K10  38 the sight of Andre*?2's and Sylvie's pleasure in one another's
K10  39 company. ^Envy mingled in her mind with regret for what she had missed
K10  40 and saw no chance of reaching in life. ^She wished she were old but
K10  41 with their security.
K10  42 *<*2CHAPTER *=5*>
K10  43    |^ALTHOUGH *0she did not look forward to the occasion Sonia found
K10  44 it impossible to avoid an evening at Magda's flat, especially since
K10  45 Erich had pleaded with her so anxiously to do what she could to
K10  46 befriend the girl, who tended to shut herself away completely from
K10  47 society and not only made them both unhappy but also damaged his
K10  48 chances of promotion by doing so, social life being part of their
K10  49 duty. ^Harold was to join them straight from the office as soon as he
K10  50 could get away. ^For once she was glad that he would be with her,
K10  51 because she wanted a chance to observe him with Magda in order to
K10  52 discover what was in his mind and how far she was under his control.
K10  53 ^The few minutes at the book exhibition had seemed to show that the
K10  54 girl was already dominated by him and ready to submit to all he
K10  55 suggested. ^They must have been meeting fairly often and she now
K10  56 believed that when Magda had left them after the bathe near Cape
K10  57 Sunion her appointment must have been with Harold. ^There was still a
K10  58 flicker of rebellion in her, however, and Sonia hoped to encourage
K10  59 this tiny flame.
K10  60    |^She walked over to the flat across a patch of uneven waste land
K10  61 that lay neglected between two blocks of modern houses. ^Poppies and
K10  62 coltsfoot grew in profusion, giving colour to the dreary area, and
K10  63 somewhere in the grass there must be edible leaves, for two old women
K10  64 bent over the ground plucking them and stuffing them into paper bags.
K10  65 ^She looked closely as she passed and saw that they were collecting
K10  66 dandelions and nettles. ^The women must have come far, for they were
K10  67 poorly dressed and did not belong to the prosperous neighbourhood.
K10  68 ^They looked up as she passed and, noticing her eyes, filled with
K10  69 curiosity, one of them said: ~*'Salad!**' with a grin and waved a
K10  70 bunch of the tough, dark-green leaves at her. ^Were they driven by
K10  71 poverty alone? ^By thrift? ^By avarice? ^She did not know, but the
K10  72 contrast between these two dark, bent figures collecting the hard,
K10  73 dusty weeds and the flowering gardens of plenty around them remained
K10  74 in her mind's eye for some time and put her out of humour even before
K10  75 she had reached Magda's flat.
K10  76    |^The young people had contrived to import some of their
K10  77 possessions from Germany and the flat was delightful with its
K10  78 golden-yellow cherrywood and ebony Biedermeier furniture and one or
K10  79 two modern pieces, including a rocking-chair with a high back that
K10  80 Magda had purchased after visiting an exhibition of pieces from
K10  81 Denmark some months earlier. ^As far as the plan of the flat was
K10  82 concerned Sonia felt at home in it immediately, for it had been built
K10  83 on the same scheme as her own and she knew exactly where kitchen,
K10  84 bathroom and bedroom lay, a disconcerting impression to have in a
K10  85 house she had never entered until that evening. ^An air of fussiness,
K10  86 however, was added by the innumerable little lace mats that covered
K10  87 almost every polished surface.
K10  88    |^Magda and Erich were both awaiting her. ^He had arranged to come
K10  89 home a few minutes earlier than usual and hurried forward eagerly to
K10  90 welcome her. ^His gratitude was painful and made her ashamed of her
K10  91 own lack of genuine warmth. ^It also, to her dismay, made the
K10  92 isolation into which Magda was gradually forcing him even more
K10  93 evident. ^Sonia and Harold coming to dinner was nothing more, after
K10  94 all, than a normal friendly event among neighbours, all more or less
K10  95 of the same age, and constantly drawn together through the various
K10  96 cultural and social activities in the city, but his attitude seemed to
K10  97 make a special occasion of it.
K10  98    |^*'Tomato juice?**' he asked.
K10  99    |^*'I added lemon juice to increase the vitamin content,**' said
K10 100 Magda proudly.
K10 101    |^He brought her a glass and placed it carefully on one of the
K10 102 little mats, then carried one over to his wife.
K10 103    |^*'I don't know whether Harold will care for this,**' he added
K10 104 uncertainly.
K10 105    |^*'It will do him good,**' Magda declared decidedly.
K10 106    |^*'Magda doesn't think alcohol good for the health,**' said Erich
K10 107 apologetically. ^*'But this stuff's delicious, isn't it?**' he added
K10 108 eagerly.
K10 109    |^Politely Sonia agreed. ^It was, too*- ice-cool. ^But she could
K10 110 not imagine Harold drinking it.
K10 111    |^*'And what have you been doing since we met last time?**' she
K10 112 asked Erich, more by way of starting a conversation with him than from
K10 113 a desire to know.
K10 114    |^The smile died from his face. ^*'I've had rather a dreadful
K10 115 job,**' he said. ^*'I don't know*- .**' ^He hesitated.
K10 116    |^*'It won't interest Sonia!**' said Magda swiftly.
K10 117    |^If this were the only objection, Sonia felt obliged to encourage
K10 118 him.
K10 119    |^*'Do tell me,**' she said. ^*'I know it isn't always fun having
K10 120 to work in an Embassy*- I used to think it was one long cocktail party
K10 121 and an occasional exchange of *"Notes**". ^The notes always made me
K10 122 see a little {6*1billet doux} *0on mauve paper being handed over in
K10 123 deadly earnest by one imposing Ambassador to another, equally serious,
K10 124 both wearing all their decorations, of course!**'
K10 125    |^*'It isn't quite like that,**' Erich smiled. ^*'No*- this time
K10 126 I've been working on the German war-graves on Leros and other islands.
K10 127 ^The relations*- you know*- they want to know where their boys are
K10 128 buried and then they come out to visit them to lay wreaths. ^And they
K10 129 all pass through our office or the Consulate. ^Sometimes pleasant but
K10 130 moving experiences and sometimes very disheartening.**'
K10 131    |^*'These are \*1Dienstgeheimnisse*0!**' Magda interrupted. ^*'You
K10 132 know you mustn't talk about them.**'
K10 133    |^*'Oh, I don't think I'm betraying any secrets,**' said Erich.
K10 134    |^*'No, there was even a note about the graves in one of the
K10 135 British papers recently,**' said Sonia. ^*'But in any case, my dear,
K10 136 don't you think you could leave it to Erich to know what he may talk
K10 137 about and what not? ^After all, it's his job!**' she added
K10 138 impatiently.
K10 139    |^Erich gave her an astonished look in which gratitude and alarm
K10 140 were mingled. ^He was so comical that she almost laughed.
K10 141    |^*'He's not a child,**' she added. ^*'And it's his profession.
K10 142 ^And he must be pretty good at it or he wouldn't be here in Athens
K10 143 already, but sitting in some awful little place in South America or on
K10 144 a Somerset Maugham kind of island in the Pacific. ^You with him!**'
K10 145    |^*'Oh, but I'm not so good as all that!**' Erich contradicted
K10 146 nai"vely. ^*'But my father is*- er*- well, rather influential in the
K10 147 Party.**'
K10 148    |^*'Now, when I hear a German say *"The Party**" I always think of
K10 149 the Nazis,**' Sonia laughed, *'but I know it isn't that. ^Which one do
K10 150 you mean?**'
K10 151    |^*'{0*2C.D.U.} *0of course!**' answered Magda.
K10 152    |^Sonia sighed. ^*'I'm sorry,**' she said, *'but I don't know what
K10 153 that means. ^Harold's tried time and again to *"put me wise**" as he
K10 154 calls it, to European politics, but I never could remember what all
K10 155 those various complicated initials stand for. ^It's almost as bad in
K10 156 England in Labour Party circles, though. ^I remember a woman who used
K10 157 to come to see my mother. ^She spoke only in initials. ^It was a kind
K10 158 of private, secret language. ^She would say such things as: ~*"The
K10 159 {0*2T.U.C.} *0won't let the {0*2I.L.P.} *0do so and so and the
K10 160 {0*2G.W.R.} *0and the {0*2N.U.J.} *0have threatened to strike,**"
K10 161 and*- it was all Greek to me!**' she laughed. ^*'It's even worse with
K10 162 the French! ^But I do think we could invent an abbreviated sort of
K10 163 shorthand-speech for everyday conversation, don't you? ^I'm sure we
K10 164 could!**'
K10 165    |^Magda and Erich were staring at her dumbfounded, incapable of
K10 166 knowing whether to take her seriously or not.
K10 167    |^*'For instance,**' she went on mischievously, *'when I arrive
K10 168 you're bound to say, ~*"How do you do!**" and I'm bound to reply,
K10 169 ~*"Very well, thank you.**" ^Now we could shorten all that. ^You'd
K10 170 say, *"{0*2H.D.Y.D.}**" *0and I'd reply, *"{0*2V.W.T.Y.}**"
K10 171 ^*0Think what a lot of time we'd save in the course of our lives! ^We
K10 172 could shorten sentences such a lot*- for instance, if I now say,
K10 173 ~*"Isn't it a lovely evening?**" you know, before I've finished, from
K10 174 my eyes and intonation, what I'm going to say. ^So I'd only need,
K10 175 really, to begin, ~*"Isn't it...?**" and you could imagine the rest.
K10 176 ^People talk far too much and say the same things over and over again.
K10 177 ^I don't mean they're boring*- the lovely evening isn't*- but we could
K10 178 take them for granted, couldn't we? ^We could have two languages*- a
K10 179 cypher one, and then the proper language for our few, occasional
K10 180 original thoughts. ^They'd stand out on their own like jewels, then.
K10 181 ^What do you think of my idea?**'
K10 182    |^*'I think it's very silly and impracticable,**' said Magda.
K10 183 ^*'What would we do without all those formal aids to talk?**'
K10 184    |^*'Perhaps the tomato juice has gone to your head, Sonia!**' Erich
K10 185 laughed. ^*'Would you like some more?**'
K10 186    |^*'Maybe it has.**'
K10 187    |^Lightening their tone was not easy, she thought to herself. ^She
K10 188 wondered what would do it. ^Then, suddenly, as she noticed the many
K10 189 flowers in the room, she remembered that she had not brought any
K10 190 herself but had something else as a gift for Magda.
K10 191    |^She bent over to pick up her handbag. ^*'I didn't bring you
K10 192 flowers, Magda, because I know you always have so many*- we all do.
K10 193 ^But I did find this little book I thought you might like.**'
K10 194    |^Magda flushed. ^*'It was not necessary*- .**'
K10 195    |^*'Of course it wasn't! ^It's the not-necessary things that are
K10 196 the nicest!**'
K10 197    |^*'Open it, Magda,**' said Erich.
K10 198    |^It was a small book about birds, with many illustrations showing
K10 199 their various types of nests, from the clumsy casual untidy heaps set
K10 200 together by storks on roof-tops to the exquisite feather-lined,
K10 201 moss-bedecked enclosure of warmth and security made by the wren.
K10 202 *# 2027
K11   1 **[385 TEXT K11**]
K11   2    |^*'*0Oh, there's plenty of time,**' the forester said, and yawned
K11   3 and stretched himself.
K11   4    |^*'Why do you wear those wellingtons when it's so hot?**' she
K11   5 asked.
K11   6    |^*'I don't know, I always wear them when I'm out working. ^They're
K11   7 useful, I suppose.**'
K11   8    |^Then they were silent for a time. ^Mary shaded the sun from her
K11   9 eyes and looked out over the valley. ^Julian watched the sawing. ^The
K11  10 grass was very warm. ^There was not a breath of wind and the branches
K11  11 of the tree were quite motionless. ^He saw that the forester had
K11  12 closed his eyes and was breathing deeply.
K11  13    |^For a moment, as the sawing stopped for the next pair to take
K11  14 over, he heard curlews far above them on the hillside. ^He felt drowsy
K11  15 and lay back again.
K11  16    |^Some minutes later they shouted over for the forester to come and
K11  17 take his turn once more.
K11  18    |^*'Hi, Johnnie! ^Wake him up, will you!**'
K11  19    |^Julian sat up. ^The forester seemed to be fast asleep. ^Mary was
K11  20 smiling and obviously waiting to see what would happen. ^Julian
K11  21 realised that it was up to him to do the waking. ^He crawled over and
K11  22 shook the foot of one of the wellingtons, but to no effect.
K11  23    |^*'Hit him!**' one of the men shouted.
K11  24    |^Julian tapped him on the arm, and then pulled at his wrist, but
K11  25 still there was no sign of life apart from the heavy breathing of his
K11  26 chest.
K11  27    |^A large stick, coming from the direction of the workmen, just
K11  28 missed Julian and embedded itself in the turf. ^He looked round
K11  29 angrily and then glanced at Mary who was watching him with an odd,
K11  30 rather anxious smile.
K11  31    |^Another stick flew over his head.
K11  32    |^He stood up, and then knelt down again and shook the forester by
K11  33 both shoulders, and then let go quickly as he opened his eyes and sat
K11  34 up.
K11  35    |^*'They're calling for you,**' Julian said, moving back and
K11  36 sitting down again beside Mary.
K11  37    |^*'Are they? ^Well, well!**' ^He waved towards the tree and then
K11  38 stood up. ^*'You stay here, you'll be quite safe here, it won't be
K11  39 very long now. ^You watch and see exactly where it falls! ^I'll go and
K11  40 tell your friends to come up here with you.**'
K11  41    |^He strode off down the slope.
K11  42    |^*'He's funny,**' Mary said, rather doubtfully. ^*'He can make the
K11  43 trees do just what he likes, but he's no idea how he does it! ^He's
K11  44 almost like an animal.**'
K11  45    |^*'And he doesn't care at all what happens to the trees, or why
K11  46 it's happening!**' Julian said, feeling a need to criticise the
K11  47 forester. ^*'You'd think he'd be more concerned about that sort of
K11  48 thing, considering he's obviously such a good craftsman! ^He just does
K11  49 what he's told to do. ^But he seems to do it very well, of course.
K11  50 ^And do you remember how the driver said the woodcutters had gone, how
K11  51 it was more like a factory, the way the people worked in the forest
K11  52 now? ^Well, he was wrong! ^This man here must be as good a craftsman
K11  53 as any, to know all about the felling like that! ^He must be one of
K11  54 the old kind! ^I imagine he's lived out here all his life. ^Don't you
K11  55 think it would be wonderful to live like that? ^You remember when I
K11  56 said I'd come away from home to have a complete change, to break the
K11  57 chain? ^And you asked me what it was I came away to find? ^Well, this
K11  58 is the sort of thing I wanted to find! ^Somewhere where I could live
K11  59 the sort of life this forester's living. ^His way of life is really
K11  60 what I wanted to find. ^That sort of way of life. ^You know what I
K11  61 mean?**' ^He looked round at her.
K11  62    |^*'I don't really. ^No,**' she said. ^*'But you just couldn't live
K11  63 that sort of life! ^You're not that sort of person, are you? ^You
K11  64 might just as well try to change the colour of your hair. ^Why ever
K11  65 should you want that sort of life?**'
K11  66    |^Julian wished he had not said so much, he felt foolish. ^He had
K11  67 said it partly because he really did feel it, and partly because he
K11  68 thought it would make her think more highly of him. ^This second
K11  69 reason seemed quite absurd to him even before she had replied.
K11  70    |^*'You do like that kind of person, though?**' he asked her.
K11  71    |^*'How can I say?**' she said abruptly. ^*'He's a better sort than
K11  72 Hanson, more honest and straightforward. ^I don't exactly find him
K11  73 irresistible though.**'
K11  74    |^*'I don't think you quite see what I mean,**' he replied, as
K11  75 Hanson and Elizabeth came up to them and sat down near them on the
K11  76 grass.
K11  77    |^*'No, it seems I don't,**' she said, ignoring them.
K11  78    |^*'So it's coming down soon,**' Hanson said. ^*'What was he
K11  79 talking about?**'
K11  80    |^*'Nothing much,**' Julian replied. ^*'Only that it's going to
K11  81 fall just where you were. ^He's got it all worked out, or judged
K11  82 rather, to the inch. ^We're quite safe here.**'
K11  83    |^*'It's lucky there's no wind,**' Elizabeth said.
K11  84    |^The blond forester was busy at one end of the saw again. ^It was
K11  85 difficult to see how much farther they had to go, but the other men
K11  86 were no longer resting. ^They were standing back and watching
K11  87 intently, some down at the cut, others up at the top of the tree.
K11  88    |^*'Did you tell him we disapproved?**' Hanson asked.
K11  89    |^*'I said I thought it was a pity,**' Julian replied.
K11  90    |^*'And what did he say to that?**'
K11  91    |^*'He didn't seem to know anything about it, beyond how to fell
K11  92 it. ^Anyway, it's too late now to do anything about it.**'
K11  93    |^*'And what do you think you could have done about it before?**'
K11  94 Mary asked him, quietly.
K11  95    |^*'I don't know. ^Tried to persuade them to leave it, I suppose.
K11  96 ^They mightn't have known anyone cared about it.**'
K11  97    |^*'And why do you care about it?**' she asked, still completely
K11  98 ignoring the other two.
K11  99    |^*'I suppose because it's taken ages to grow as perfect and
K11 100 beautiful and tall as that, and because it only takes a few moments to
K11 101 destroy it. ^And because it's impossible to create it again! ^It's a
K11 102 fine sight, I'm sorry to see it go.**'
K11 103    |^*'It'll be a fine sight to see it coming down though, won't
K11 104 it?**'
K11 105    |^*'Maybe,**' Julian said.
K11 106    |^*'Don't you think it's rather fine to see a man who doesn't even
K11 107 know why he's wearing wellingtons bring down something as wonderful as
K11 108 that tree? ^And for no reason at all, so far as he knows! ^But he does
K11 109 it! ^I rather like that. ^He's really doing something big. ^Do you see
K11 110 what I mean, I wonder?**'
K11 111    |^*'I don't think I do,**' Julian replied. ^*'I think it's very
K11 112 exciting though to watch someone like that doing physically strenuous
K11 113 work. ^I'd much rather he wasn't destroying something at the same time
K11 114 though!**'
K11 115    |^*'I agree. ^It would be exciting, if it wasn't so destructive,**'
K11 116 Elizabeth put in. ^She seemed to have very strong unspoken feelings on
K11 117 the matter, judging from the way she was leaning on one arm and
K11 118 staring down and nervously crumbling the dry earth of a molehill
K11 119 beside her.
K11 120    |^*'Destructive! ^Destructive!**' Mary said sarcastically, turning
K11 121 to her for the first time. ^*'What you'd call destructive, maybe! ^Oh
K11 122 how unimaginative you all are!**'
K11 123    |^*'Mary, there's no need to indulge in this deliberate
K11 124 spitefulness just because you're angry with yourself,**' she said
K11 125 without looking up. ^*'Other people will only help you if you give
K11 126 them a fair chance. ^And why did you speak to me the way you did, down
K11 127 there? ^I can't understand, how can I tell what you're talking about?
K11 128 ^What is it you're blaming me for now?**'
K11 129    |^*'Blaming you?**' ^Mary jumped up and stood bending towards her
K11 130 sister. ^*'Don't you really know? ^Well, well! ^You needn't try to
K11 131 pretend that I'm the only person who keeps things secret!**' ^She
K11 132 stepped back and turned on Julian: ^*'My own sister scheming to get me
K11 133 out in the country alone with a boy like you who's run away from his
K11 134 mother and wants to become a blond-haired woodcutter! ^Oh, you
K11 135 understand people so well! ^You're a fine man! ^A real man! ^You've
K11 136 got real feeling!**'
K11 137    |^These last words she directed at Julian in such a withering tone
K11 138 that she seemed completely unable to say anything more. ^She turned
K11 139 and walked away from them, across and down the slope. ^Julian stared
K11 140 after her, dazed. ^He felt profoundly injured, and unjustly but
K11 141 absolutely rejected. ^But this feeling of weakness quickly merged into
K11 142 impotent anger. ^Mary had begun to run, but then she suddenly stopped
K11 143 and stood looking back at them. ^She was too far away for him to see
K11 144 any expression on her face.
K11 145    |^*'Hi, Miss,**' one of the foresters shouted to her, *'you'd
K11 146 better move a bit or you'll get your pretty self squashed flat!**'
K11 147    |^She gave no sign that she had even heard him.
K11 148    |^They stopped sawing.
K11 149    |^She's gone back to her old methods, Julian said to himself, she's
K11 150 trying to bully me again, and I thought she'd stopped that sort of
K11 151 thing! ^She's standing there expecting me to go and rescue her. ^She's
K11 152 trying to force me to show some concern for her. ^She wants me to give
K11 153 in and run to drag her away. ^She wants me to commit myself. ^Because
K11 154 if I did go to rescue her she'd consider it absolute proof that I was
K11 155 fond of her.
K11 156    |^But I'm just not going to be forced like that! ^Anyway, what a
K11 157 fool I'd seem to all these onlookers! ^They just think she's playing!
K11 158 ^And she may be playing with them, but with me she's not! ^And she's
K11 159 not hysterical now either. ^She's stone cold and determined. ^She
K11 160 thinks she's got me on the end of a string. ^She thinks she's got me
K11 161 helplessly in her power, but she's wrong!
K11 162    |^He looked round. ^Elizabeth had one hand on Hanson's shoulder,
K11 163 they were both staring intently at Mary. ^All the men were standing
K11 164 watching her too, in exaggerated attitudes of impatience and
K11 165 annoyance. ^Mary was standing in the patch of thistles.
K11 166    |^*'If only she wouldn't make such an exhibition of herself,**'
K11 167 Hanson said, and Elizabeth tugged at his shoulder.
K11 168    |^Then the blond forester looked over at the three of them. ^Julian
K11 169 pretended not to notice, he knew he was expecting him to do something
K11 170 about it. ^He felt suddenly afraid that the forester was beginning to
K11 171 think it serious. ^He determined to remain completely aloof.
K11 172 ^Deliberately he looked away, down over the manor.
K11 173    |^He saw a dark circular mark spreading towards them across the
K11 174 meadow. ^It reached the manor and a pillar of dust swirled high into
K11 175 the air. ^Then the huge eddy swept up the slope, catching wisps of
K11 176 grass and catching Mary's dress and snatching at her hair. ^Then the
K11 177 lowest branches of the great fir tree quivered and swayed, and the
K11 178 surging of the heavy masses of dark foliage spread upwards and shook
K11 179 the whole tree as for a moment it became the violent centre of the
K11 180 whirlwind. ^A shout sounded through the strange roaring of the wind
K11 181 and the blond forester ran forward. ^Then the tree, suddenly calm
K11 182 again, towered over. ^It hung a moment against the sky, and then
K11 183 crashed to the ground, lashing into the turf of the slope. ^It rocked
K11 184 and shuddered, and lay still.
K11 185    |^Julian, who had watched in such helpless, petrified amazement
K11 186 that he had been unable to move, ran forward with Elizabeth and
K11 187 Hanson. ^The men clambered over the branches. ^Julian tried to force
K11 188 his way through the foliage where he imagined Mary would be, but he
K11 189 became entangled in the broken branches and could not get very far.
K11 190 ^He felt his legs trembling. ^Then he climbed up on to a large branch.
K11 191 ^Hanson was a little way beyond him, crawling underneath. ^Elizabeth
K11 192 had run round to the other side of the tree. ^He climbed along the
K11 193 branch to the main trunk, his hands getting sticky with resin and his
K11 194 ankles getting scraped as he slipped on the bark.
K11 195 *# 2010
K12   1 **[386 TEXT K12**]
K12   2    |^*'I want to marry you,**' he said. ^*'We will live for ever in a
K12   3 little house by the sea.**'
K12   4    |^*'I want a big house,**' I said.
K12   5    |^*'I will give it you,**' he cried.
K12   6    |^How can one answer such promises? ^Innocencio's words were
K12   7 dreams.
K12   8    |^*'We will have some children with fair hair,**' he went on. ^*'It
K12   9 would be lovely if you had some children.**'
K12  10    |^At the time I did not know what to say, but have often remembered
K12  11 Innocencio's dialect version of the song;
K12  12 **[BEGIN QUOTE**]
K12  13    |{*1Palomita blanca reluciente estrella
K12  14    |Mas chula y mas bella
K12  15    |Qu'un blanco jasmin*- }
K12  16 **[END QUOTE**]
K12  17    |^*0I asked Innocencio about the crater I had seen from the
K12  18 mainland, and the snowy peak I could even now see.
K12  19    |^*'Yes,**' he replied, *'Right in the middle of the island is a
K12  20 huge volcano, a real volcano, quite as active as Vesuvius or
K12  21 Stromboli. ^It is called the Bed of Empedocles, and the name is true
K12  22 of this mountain, and of no other. ^We try to keep its activities
K12  23 hidden; we don't often admit even its existence to anyone from the
K12  24 mainland or even the other islands. ^When you see a glow in the night
K12  25 sky and ask us what it is, we tell you it's a fire in the scrub. ^So
K12  26 it may be, and very likely the olive trees are burning too; but what
K12  27 has started the conflagration? ^We won't tell you anything about those
K12  28 seething underground cauldrons that threaten to break through at any
K12  29 moment, and occasionally do so!**'
K12  30    |^*'What does the pharos say, out there at the end of the jetty?**'
K12  31 I asked.
K12  32    |^*'It flashes a message all night through, long after every other
K12  33 lamp is out, but not a message of comfort. ^Keep away, it says, I am
K12  34 alight, but so is the mountain! ^Keep away from these dangerous
K12  35 shores. ^And from above the inland ranges, I shall be turned into
K12  36 blood, cries the moon; and the stars wide-eyed with terror sink back
K12  37 into their cavernous abyss.
K12  38    |^*'Last eruption the mountain burst like a Bank and flung millions
K12  39 of pieces of money high into the air. ^They were scattered over a wide
K12  40 area of the surrounding hills, and were eagerly searched for and
K12  41 gathered up by people from the villages. ^Many a mattress and stocking
K12  42 now bulges with that extraordinary gold. ^Such was the explosive force
K12  43 that a few coins fell even as far away as England.
K12  44    |^*'But one never knows what a volcano will do next, so it is best
K12  45 to say nothing about it.**'
K12  46    |^Innocencio wandered away, his forehead clouded, as so often his
K12  47 native peak, by the dark legends of his race. ^In the afternoon I went
K12  48 out again, hoping to see him, but could not find the peaceful garden.
K12  49 ^I was not far from it, though, for there was sea below me, and I knew
K12  50 that the garden lay near that part of the estate which included a
K12  51 strip of coastline edged with precipitous cliffs.
K12  52    |^I was looking down on the beach; was it a festival, that so many
K12  53 people were about? ^It must be the day of the sea-sports; my eyes
K12  54 search the holiday crowd for Innocencio. ^Shall I recognize him in
K12  55 this dazzling light? ^There he is! ^No, it is someone a little like
K12  56 him. ^I look in other directions and then suddenly I see him; he is
K12  57 walking with one of his companions, and talking of the contest to
K12  58 come. ^He is ready for it, wearing his bathing-slip and bonnet. ^He
K12  59 does not see me.
K12  60    |^I am on the cliff-tops of my Uncle's domain; it is getting
K12  61 towards evening, the wind has risen but there are no clouds, huge
K12  62 waves are crashing on the rocks below. ^Spectators are gathered on the
K12  63 opposite cliff, cut off from me by a chasm, and waiting for the chief
K12  64 event of the sports. ^Here are townspeople and their visitors, with a
K12  65 few rustics from the mountains inland. ^All at once a commotion stirs
K12  66 them: Innocencio comes in sight round the headland, pulling a boat
K12  67 with all his strength against the heavy sea. ^Will he ever reach the
K12  68 bay? ^Time after time a powerful undertow sweeps him outward. ^Then
K12  69 putting forth a supreme effort he rides inshore on the back of a ninth
K12  70 wave and is flung beyond the drag of the out-rushing water. ^He cannot
K12  71 be seen for spray, but a scream of triumph goes up from the watchers.
K12  72    |^*'It has never been done before!**' someone shouts in excitement,
K12  73 ^*'No one else has finished the course. ^He has pulled all the way
K12  74 from Galva*- how many miles?*- and in the teeth of a north-east
K12  75 gale!**'
K12  76    |^*'Innocencio! ^Innocencio!**'
K12  77    |^The cries of the people soar higher than the stormy tumult; he
K12  78 has put them above Galva of the Grasshoppers, their rival port;
K12  79 Innocencio is their hero for ever, and even the people of Galva will
K12  80 praise him.
K12  81    |^I look down into his boat, rocking now in a sheltered inlet; he
K12  82 has brought from Galva where his sister lives a trophy without price.
K12  83 ^In the distance and through tears it looks like two little brown
K12  84 dolls, one bigger than the other and lighter in colour; then I see
K12  85 that they are shoes from the feet of his sister's children, his elder
K12  86 sister whose name is future and present and past. ^Are they made from
K12  87 walnut-shells and the skin of mouse and mole? ^They prove that his
K12  88 boat has been to Galva; they will always be his greatest treasure.
K12  89    |^I look now into the heart of Innocencio; below the proud surf lie
K12  90 images of the perpetual terror of earth and sea; first the twelve men
K12  91 he saw frozen stiff in the stranded lifeboat; then more recently the
K12  92 brothers from Lumio drowned in each other's clasp, the one trying to
K12  93 save the other*- dragged from translucent depths, so fast were they
K12  94 locked that no one could separate their last embrace and they were
K12  95 buried in the same grave; and finally the corpse he had seen
K12  96 half-eaten by worms at the cemetery. ^His ribs still echo with the
K12  97 horror of their tawny hue.
K12  98    |^I open my veins to the east I open the veins of my arm with the
K12  99 cut of a sliver of silicon. ^Blood pours out from the left flows out
K12 100 till it reaches the sea goes on flowing pours inexhaustible through
K12 101 the inexhaustible sea without chafe or pause till it surrounds the
K12 102 island a line veining marble a red line in the green sea taut from my
K12 103 arm making a long arm to his home circling the island a ribbon of
K12 104 stain in the foam unmixing like a rusty chain to bind him in binding
K12 105 his home so he never can go nor a boat's prow cut through a crown
K12 106 renewed without end of mercurial metal from far-away gap whence it
K12 107 flows only his tooth could mend the gap whence it flows only his
K12 108 tongue lick up the stream at its source only his tooth and his tongue.
K12 109 *<*4Cibation*>
K12 110    |^*1*'In the wood of wonder her fountain sings.**'
K12 111    |^The Magical Aphorisms of Eugenius Philalethes.
K12 112    |
K12 113    |^*0Next day I persuaded the Anchorite to come walking with me in
K12 114 the same neighbourhood. ^The coast-scenery was so fine that presently
K12 115 we stopped to look at it, gazing across a bay to the far side where a
K12 116 line of jagged cliffs rose against the horizon.
K12 117    |^*'A year or two ago,**' said the Anchorite, *'a girl and I were
K12 118 walking along this road. ^There was a spring-tide, gone down very low,
K12 119 as it has to-day; and as we looked across at that rocky shoal in the
K12 120 distance, we saw the towers and spires of a Gothic cathedral rising
K12 121 above it. ^The tide had gone out so far that this cathedral, normally
K12 122 submerged, was plainly visible.**'
K12 123    |^While the Anchorite was speaking I looked out over the expanse of
K12 124 the bay, and could almost behold the faintly-discernible architecture
K12 125 that he described. ^Outlined against the sky, it appeared distinctly
K12 126 to the mind's eye at least; and I could imagine that it had taken but
K12 127 little carving of the rocks from which it grew, to turn nature into
K12 128 art.
K12 129    |^The Anchorite did not tell me who the girl was.
K12 130    |^*'Just where we are,**' he went on, *'the coast is so formed that
K12 131 the water can't ebb as far as it does from the opposite side of the
K12 132 bay. ^It's about dead-low now, and as you can see, there are only two
K12 133 or three hundred yards of sand between the road and the water. ^Well,
K12 134 as I was telling you, we were staring at the cathedral, which is
K12 135 hardly ever uncovered, when a lady stepped out of the sea quite near
K12 136 us. ^She appeared just where the sand dividing us from the water was
K12 137 narrowest, that is, about opposite where we are now. ^She was tall and
K12 138 fair and dressed in a robe of yellow silk, the colour between orange
K12 139 and lemon. ^She came towards us, and we walked over the wet sand to
K12 140 meet her.**'
K12 141    |^My eyes had come back from across the bay and were now
K12 142 concentrated upon the waveless touch of the nearer sea and shore. ^I
K12 143 could all but see the yellow-clad figure standing at the water's edge;
K12 144 and it seemed to me that there must have been other of her people*-
K12 145 sea-men and sea-women, with her or not far behind, though the
K12 146 Anchorite said nothing about them.
K12 147    |^*'She spoke to us,**' he continued (and I could almost hear the
K12 148 sea-woman's voice), *'telling us her name was Vellanserga, and
K12 149 inviting us to go with her into the cathedral. ^I refused; but the
K12 150 girl went, and was never heard of again.**'
K12 151    |^I knew that if the same invitation had been offered to me, I too
K12 152 would have accepted; and it showed how completely the Anchorite's
K12 153 movements were in subjection to my Uncle's service, that he had not
K12 154 done so.
K12 155    |^Seeing that I was engrossed in meditation on his tale, the
K12 156 Anchorite withdrew.
K12 157    |^Storm is in the air, but distant. ^Does it echo, or threaten? ^Is
K12 158 the air weighted by the melancholy of a tempest subsiding, or the
K12 159 anxious hush that precedes its first assault?
K12 160    |^On the sea floats a head in profile, of heroic traits, a collar
K12 161 of violets encircling the severed neck. ^The flaxen hair, once
K12 162 looped-up, is now spread upon a watery surface, and tilted by
K12 163 recurring small waves. ^Some distant storm, surely, tore this head
K12 164 from a ship's prow; and the wood still bleeds, oozing a purple growth.
K12 165    |^The salty taste of blood, I mused, comes from the sea, which
K12 166 being without colour, reflects a tint from the air above while turning
K12 167 its red globes into sea-anemones; but blood has kept these as a dye.
K12 168    |^Here is the end of the land and the beginning of a country under
K12 169 the sea; an impalpable region stretches over the last of the earth and
K12 170 extends a long way under water. ^It is said that our starvation is
K12 171 their plenty; that in time of war here, down there reigns the deepest
K12 172 peace.
K12 173    |^In a douce air above stones and soil, one is not alone; mist is
K12 174 blown out towards a silvered horizon, nothing perishes. ^Sometimes
K12 175 there is a thickening, and a growing menace.
K12 176    |^Round coastal rocks flows a true water, the authentic Atlantide.
K12 177 ^It is not the peacock that divides two continents, shrill-voiced but
K12 178 never terrible; nor that narrow and more deceptive iris strait; nor
K12 179 yet the electric blue sweeping from Teneriffe to Tory, though a swish
K12 180 from the tail of the same dragon.
K12 181    |^Under granite the saints lie buried; here a monument measured to
K12 182 human form still stands, there a tree takes shape from the bones
K12 183 beneath, an honourable vessel. ^In yet earlier rock there pulses an
K12 184 ancient sensual life, but the saints must be roused up first. ^Their
K12 185 diadems are bright with Sunday flowers, already they lift head and
K12 186 shoulders from their covering slabs. ^When they come alive and walk
K12 187 their own realm, the kingdom of vegetation, then blood of beasts must
K12 188 warm the older stones and power will wake from a deeper cave.
K12 189 *# 2009
K13   1 **[387 TEXT K13**]
K13   2 *<*0*=3*>
K13   3    |^Hardly noticed by Vicky in her grief and her expectant
K13   4 motherhood, the political scene in Prussia had greatly changed. ^It
K13   5 was only after the birth of her second son in August, that she resumed
K13   6 her old interests.
K13   7    |^Fritz had shielded her from worry in the last weeks of her
K13   8 pregnancy, but now with her second son thriving, delighted with this
K13   9 strong and perfect child, Vicky's vitality renewed itself.
K13  10    |^Fritz, she observed, looked harrassed. ^He seemed unwilling to
K13  11 talk about current events, but her direct questions broke through his
K13  12 reserve.
K13  13    |^It appeared that Roon, the only conservative in the otherwise
K13  14 liberal Ministry, had in accordance with the King's demand, drawn up
K13  15 plans for an army reform, which the King approved, but the Diet did
K13  16 not; whereupon the King dissolved the Diet, only to have the newly
K13  17 elected one also vote against the reform. ^Furious, by this time, the
K13  18 King dissolved the second Diet; and the third, although the majority
K13  19 of its members were still in opposition to the King, suggested a
K13  20 reasonable compromise.
K13  21    |^In this crisis, Fritz who was at his wit's end, advised
K13  22 acceptance, and the King then turned upon him, and declared that
K13  23 sooner than step down from the stand he had taken, he would abdicate.
K13  24    |^The abdication document was already drawn up, though not yet
K13  25 signed.
K13  26    |^Vicky listened aghast. ^They had never, she realised been more in
K13  27 need of the Prince Consort's advice.
K13  28    |^*"The opinion in the country,**" Fritz said bitterly, *"is that I
K13  29 am urging my father to abdicate, in order that I may step into his
K13  30 shoes.**"
K13  31    |^*"What nonsense, oh, what nonsense!**" Vicky cried.
K13  32    |^*"It seems anything but nonsense to our enemies, my dearest.**"
K13  33    |^*"But who could want to reign under such conditions? ^How could
K13  34 you make a success of kingship knowing your father was bitterly
K13  35 resentful and hurt?**"
K13  36    |^*"Not all sons love their fathers, Vicky.**"
K13  37    |^*"But you do, don't you?**"
K13  38    |^*"Yes; though not as you loved yours. ^I doubt though, if our
K13  39 opponents credit me with filial affection.**"
K13  40    |^*"What *1will *0you do?**"
K13  41    |^*"Refuse the crown if it is offered to me. ^Apart altogether from
K13  42 my father's feelings, if I accepted it, it might well start a civil
K13  43 war. ^If the worst comes to the worst, and the abdication paper is
K13  44 signed, I shall stand down in favour of Willy.**"
K13  45    |^*"Which,**" Vicky said, *"would mean a Regency for many years,
K13  46 and heaven only knows who would be appointed Regent. ^There *1must
K13  47 *0be some alternative.**"
K13  48    |^*"The present Diet is trying to find a solution,**" Fritz told
K13  49 her. ^*"I have said that I will offer no further suggestions, for any
K13  50 advice of mine is suspect. ^Roon has sent for his friend, Otto \von
K13  51 Bismarck, hoping that he may find some way to end the deadlock.**"
K13  52    |^*"Bismarck? ^Oh yes, of course, the Paris ambassador.**" ^Vicky
K13  53 knitted her brows, ^*"Bertie of all people was talking about him, some
K13  54 time ago. ^He said he had heard that this man was the hope of the
K13  55 conservatives; that he was excessively able and ambitious. ^Bertie, I
K13  56 gathered, thought he might be a very sharp thorn to us.**"
K13  57    |^*"Odd to think of Bertie being so well-informed,**" Fritz
K13  58 commented.
K13  59    |^Feeling rather proud of her brother, Vicky agreed. ^Bertie was
K13  60 much more intelligent than most people supposed. ^Poor, darling Papa
K13  61 had under-rated him, which was natural, as they were so very different
K13  62 from one another.
K13  63    |^Presently, she said:
K13  64    |^*"If it were not that we should be throwing poor little Willy to
K13  65 the wolves, and depriving him of his father and mother*- for you may
K13  66 be sure that we should have no say in his upbringing*- I should be
K13  67 glad to go into exile. ^England would not be that for me, of course.
K13  68 ^It is you... would it be grievously hard on you?**"
K13  69    |^*"I can imagine worse fates, and unless my father is pacified,
K13  70 that is what it will come to. ^Willy would not be the first boy king
K13  71 in history, and by the time he was old enough to rule, conditions
K13  72 might have altered for the better. ^My darling, rather than risk a
K13  73 civil war, we should have to give him up.**"
K13  74    |^*"Prussia might become a republic,**" Vicky hazarded. ^*"The
K13  75 other States might be co-operative.**"
K13  76    |^*"That I cannot believe. ^As a whole, Germans are imperial
K13  77 minded. ^No, they would insist on a king, if only a puppet king.**"
K13  78    |^*"Is there nothing we can do, Fritz?**"
K13  79    |^*"Nothing but wait. ^I have no influence over my father, and my
K13  80 poor mother is in despair. ^Bismarck is expected to arrive in Berlin
K13  81 tomorrow, and my father has agreed to receive him.**"
K13  82    |^Vicky was silent, unable, though it shamed her, to resist weaving
K13  83 a roseate dream. ^What joy it would be to return to England with
K13  84 Fritz, and to forget these few bitter years as though they had never
K13  85 been. ^Even if they had to leave poor little Willy in the hands of
K13  86 those in authority here, they would have their two younger children,
K13  87 and when everything had settled down, it might not be an absolute
K13  88 parting from their firstborn. ^Victoria would use all her considerable
K13  89 influence to prevent that.
K13  90    |^It was a dream soon to be dispelled. ^The next day the King tore
K13  91 up the abdication document. ^Bismarck promised him that given
K13  92 authority, he would get through the army reform, whatever the
K13  93 disposition of the Diet; whereupon the King conferred upon him the
K13  94 title and position of Minister President and Foreign Minister of
K13  95 Prussia.
K13  96    |^Hearing this, Fritz and Vicky scarcely knew whether to be
K13  97 relieved or otherwise. ^At least the immediate crisis had been
K13  98 bypassed, and the King, worn out with the struggle was content to
K13  99 leave the affairs of state in the hands of his new adviser.
K13 100    |^Queen Augusta, who had hitherto seen little of Bismarck, but who
K13 101 within twenty-four hours disliked him intensely, wept disconsolate
K13 102 tears. ^Her influence over the King had never been great, but now it
K13 103 was reduced to nil. ^The new President Minister bluntly announced that
K13 104 he would not tolerate petticoat government, and in this he included
K13 105 the young Crown Princess as much as the Queen.
K13 106    |^He would serve the King, Bismarck said, but him alone, and he had
K13 107 no doubt but that he could serve him to his satisfaction. ^He swore
K13 108 that if the King relied on him, he would finally be not only King of
K13 109 Prussia but Emperor of a United Germany.
K13 110    |^Soon it was realised that the new Minister had an enormous
K13 111 following and with the King's backing, his authority was paramount.
K13 112 ^Within weeks, a new Diet, composed of those who slavishly believed in
K13 113 him, was completely under his sway.
K13 114    |^Fritz was treated as a weakling enemy. ^Vicky as his evil genius.
K13 115 ^Unpopular before Bismarck came into power, she was now hated. ^This
K13 116 hatred took the form of ignoring her whenever it was possible, and had
K13 117 she not been the Princess Royal of Great Britain, and her mother a
K13 118 powerful queen, she and Fritz might, she thought, well have been
K13 119 banished from the country.
K13 120    |^Vicky often wondered that she did not meet with an untimely end.
K13 121 ^There were more ways than one of getting rid of an intransigent
K13 122 princess.
K13 123    |^But it was not Bismarck's policy to so inflame Britain that he
K13 124 had a war on his hands. ^It was far wiser to treat Vicky as an
K13 125 ignorant, hot-headed girl, and while appearing to tolerate Fritz, to
K13 126 estrange the King from him by various subtle means.
K13 127    |^Finally, however, Fritz was forced into open conflict with his
K13 128 father.
K13 129    |^Bismarck, though the Diet was now subservient to him, was
K13 130 constantly criticised by the more liberal newspapers, and he
K13 131 retaliated by passing an emergency decree, which effectually muzzled
K13 132 the Press.
K13 133    |^Now, no political opinion could be newspaper circulated without
K13 134 the approval of the Minister President; free speech was annihilated.
K13 135 ^On the other hand, any article in praise of him and his government
K13 136 was given extravagant publicity.
K13 137    |^Scurrilous attacks were made on Vicky. ^Nothing was too bad, or
K13 138 too personally insulting to be written about her. ^There were now no
K13 139 objections raised to her visiting England as often as she chose; the
K13 140 hope was openly expressed that she would never return to Prussia.
K13 141    |^Fritz, whose opinions and principles were outraged, and who was
K13 142 furiously indignant on Vicky's behalf, came out into the open, and
K13 143 when at an official reception at Dantzig he was asked outright by the
K13 144 burgomaster if he had had any hand in bringing about the Press
K13 145 Ordinance, he replied that he had not. ^He had, he said, been absent
K13 146 from Berlin at the time, and had had no part in the councils which had
K13 147 led up to it. ^His short speech which followed, showed clearly where
K13 148 his sympathies lay.
K13 149    |^The burgomaster's question had come as no surprise to him; he had
K13 150 been warned before the reception that he would be challenged, and
K13 151 Vicky, who was with him, had implored him to make his position plain.
K13 152    |^They had their own following, she argued, though it might be a
K13 153 minority following, and Fritz owed it to them to show that he was not
K13 154 involved in this disgraceful measure.
K13 155    |^Within hours the storm broke about their heads. ^The King
K13 156 threatened to cast Fritz off altogether. ^The Queen Augusta wrote him
K13 157 an hysterical letter, in which she confusedly sympathised with him,
K13 158 reproached him, and laid all the blame on Vicky who was proving
K13 159 herself no friend to her adopted country.
K13 160    |^*"I am not, I suppose,**" Vicky said sadly. ^*"Not to this new
K13 161 Prussia, which is changed and demoralised. ^You would be better
K13 162 without me. ^Even some of your real, true friends doubt me; they think
K13 163 you have wedded not only me, but my country; and they would rather put
K13 164 up with this devilish Bismarck than run the danger*- they think it is
K13 165 a danger*- of being Anglicised. ^I don't blame them in the least. ^I
K13 166 know how repellent it is to me to be Prussianised. ^I should never
K13 167 have loved you, or wanted to marry you, had that been your
K13 168 attitude.**"
K13 169    |^*"Thank God, it never was,**" Fritz said. ^*"All I hoped was that
K13 170 you would bring the fresh air of your country, to blow upon the
K13 171 cobwebs in mine.**"
K13 172    |^*"I haven't sufficient breath for that,**" and Vicky smiled
K13 173 wryly. ^*"Oh darling*- I feel so hopeless. ^Sometimes I am afraid they
K13 174 will contrive to separate us, dearly though we love one another.**"
K13 175    |^To think that, was to believe in the reality of a nightmare
K13 176 dream, Fritz chided her, and added:
K13 177    |^*"But I only wish you could get away from her*- you and the
K13 178 children as well*- until the worst storm blows over.**"
K13 179    |^*"We both ought to get away Fritz*- not permanently, but for a
K13 180 respite. ^I, in that way, am strangely free for the first time since I
K13 181 came to live here, and with the King so opposed to you and your views,
K13 182 you can scarcely be more than a figure-head in Prussia. ^Moreover, the
K13 183 hateful Bismarck will see that you are not.**"
K13 184    |^*"So it seems,**" agreed Fritz with a shrug.
K13 185    |^*"Why not give the King and the country time to tire of him?**"
K13 186 Vicky urged. ^*"What good can you do, as things are? ^Mamma, poor
K13 187 darling, has sufficiently roused herself from her grief to be
K13 188 concerned for us. ^She has a proposition in mind, though it greatly
K13 189 depends upon what she thinks of Alix when she at last meets her. ^If
K13 190 possible she will bring about that marriage, because Papa so much
K13 191 wished it, though Bertie seems more or less indifferent. ^Poor boy, he
K13 192 has been too miserable to think about his future.**"
K13 193    |^The Queen, Fritz opined, was certain to approve of the Princess
K13 194 Alexandra, whose inherent gentleness would be an enormous asset to
K13 195 her.
K13 196    |^*"Well, we shall see,**" ^Vicky said. ^*"The meeting at Laeken
K13 197 has been arranged, and then Mamma has asked if we could take charge of
K13 198 Bertie for a while.**"
K13 199    |^*"Take charge of him? ^In Berlin? ^He would scarcely enjoy
K13 200 himself here just now.**"
K13 201    |^*"Mamma knows that. ^I am sure she would not advocate it.
K13 202 **[MIDDLE OF QUOTE**]
K13 203 *# 2002
K14   1 **[388 TEXT K14**]
K14   2    |^*0She glanced once more at the Colonel. ^He showed no signs of
K14   3 being interested in what was going on before his eyes, and the shoe
K14   4 remained, untouched, at his feet.
K14   5    |^It occurred to her briefly (two more prisoners were examined) how
K14   6 odd it was that of all the people in the convoy who had been held up
K14   7 by this *'Colonel**' and his assistant, she and Benvenuto were the
K14   8 only ones who knew that they could not be what they seemed. ^And did
K14   9 Benvenuto know?
K14  10    |^It also seemed to her that the soldier was taking a long time
K14  11 reaching Benvenuto, but she did not trust her senses. ^It must be no
K14  12 time at all, she said.
K14  13    |^Then she heard the soldier shout: ~*'Fall out! ~Get back in the
K14  14 trucks!**' and the Colonel add, in their language, ~*'And don't waste
K14  15 any time about it!**' and though it seemed impossible to her that she
K14  16 should have escaped, she could not think of any other possible
K14  17 explanation for the command. ^As they started shuffling back towards
K14  18 the truck she tried to keep walking evenly, in spite of the fact that
K14  19 one foot was now higher than the other.
K14  20    |^No one moved very fast. ^She saw Benvenuto get into the truck
K14  21 among the first without looking either right or left; she saw the
K14  22 soldier help one of the wounded up over the tail-gate; she saw the
K14  23 Colonel start to hurry the line along, pushing each man along by the
K14  24 shoulders; and when she was a few prisoners away from boarding the
K14  25 truck herself, she saw the Colonel step on her shoe.
K14  26    |^At first it seemed that he would not even notice his discomfort
K14  27 in his impatience to get on to the next truck. ^But obviously the heel
K14  28 of the shoe annoyed him and he got the soldier to point his flashlight
K14  29 down at the offending object. ^The soldier picked it up and held it in
K14  30 his hand, but the Colonel took it from him and methodically wiped the
K14  31 mud from it so that its red leather shone. ^Clara meanwhile had passed
K14  32 him and was in the truck, manoeuvring to be as close to Benvenuto as
K14  33 possible. ^When she turned round she could see the shoe in the
K14  34 Colonel's hand. ^It looked very small and the Colonel's hand looked
K14  35 very large.
K14  36    |^*'What a pretty shoe,**' Lescaut said. ^*'What a very pretty
K14  37 shoe.**'
K14  38 *<*2THREE*>
K14  39 *<*5Liberation*>
K14  40 *<*=1*>
K14  41    |^*4U*2NTIL *0the very moment when she was captured Clara had
K14  42 believed in her heart of hearts that she and Benvenuto would escape.
K14  43 ^She did not know how, but she was convinced that it would be so. ^In
K14  44 those few hours from noon to midnight of that August day that had been
K14  45 so filled with the Unusual, she had never ceased to believe in the
K14  46 Usual, in the day-to-day life she had enjoyed for many years. ^Today
K14  47 she was with Benvenuto; tomorrow she would be with Benvenuto. ^Had it
K14  48 not always been so? ^Would it not always be so?
K14  49    |^The more you love, the more you think it likely that the world
K14  50 must love too. ^It takes stubborn facts to dislodge belief or habit.
K14  51 ^Until the moment, then, that Manon Lescaut picked up the shoe, Clara
K14  52 was convinced against all appearances that she and Benvenuto must be
K14  53 saved: because they loved each other, if for no other reason.
K14  54    |^Another thing she had taken for granted was that Benvenuto also
K14  55 had faith in their escape, for if he hadn't why had he undertaken to
K14  56 fly with her? ^In fact, Clara had believed that it was *1she *0who
K14  57 tended to be more realistic in appraising their chances, and Benvenuto
K14  58 who had been swayed by the o'erweaning optimism of his nature.
K14  59    |^But when their capture was certain, she saw that Benvenuto had
K14  60 never believed that they would escape. ^He made this perfectly plain
K14  61 by his reactions.
K14  62    |^Far from being more frightened than before, his capture plainly
K14  63 relieved his mind of whatever doubts he may have had. ^He followed and
K14  64 obeyed Manon Lescaut as though he was absolutely certain that the
K14  65 Rumanian knew what he was doing, why he was doing it; and even as
K14  66 though he thought that the Rumanian probably knew better than he,
K14  67 Benvenuto, did, what was good and suitable for him.
K14  68    |^Clara was used to following his lead, and within minutes she,
K14  69 too, began to feel a certain relief that she had been captured. ^The
K14  70 moment she realized that she and Benvenuto would not escape, she saw
K14  71 that everything that had happened in the past twelve hours had
K14  72 happened just as it had been ordained; and in the same way everything
K14  73 that would happen to them now would happen as it was ordained. ^And if
K14  74 this was so, there was no need to plan anything or to feel any fear.
K14  75    |^Several times, during the hour that followed their capture, when
K14  76 they were being driven through the back roads in the mountains in a
K14  77 jeep the Rumanian had commandeered, she looked to Benvenuto to see if
K14  78 he thought the same way; and whenever she looked, she saw her own
K14  79 feelings confirmed. ^Benvenuto's face was deprived of all expression.
K14  80 ^It had done away both with its past and with its future; it neither
K14  81 regretted nor expected. ^From time to time his large and strong hand
K14  82 passed under her blanket to meet hers and lie there on her lap; and
K14  83 even in this he showed neither pleasure nor pain. ^His hand merely
K14  84 indicated that he was there next to her and that they were together.
K14  85 ^She derived a great strength from this and she and Benvenuto were
K14  86 able to sustain everything the Rumanian said and did in silence.
K14  87    |^The Rumanian was not cruel, except with his words, and his words
K14  88 all seemed to deal with someone called the Capita*?2n and with times
K14  89 that had gone by and had no particular relevance at the moment.
K14  90 ^Indeed, she could not imagine why he bothered to mention half the
K14  91 things he mentioned: did he think Benvenuto had forgotten them? or
K14  92 would deny them? ^But now that all those things were done, now that
K14  93 they were over with, what could recalling them serve?
K14  94    |^They were taken to a cafe*?2 in the mountains and told to sit
K14  95 down on two chairs by the wall, on either side of one of those
K14  96 football games which are so common, where all the players are on
K14  97 handles and you make goals by twisting the handles and making the
K14  98 players kick a ping-pong ball into the goal. ^Benvenuto sat down on
K14  99 the side of the red team and she sat down on the side of the white.
K14 100    |^The Rumanian introduced her to a man called *'Major Vincent**'
K14 101 and then introduced Benvenuto. ^They did not get up from their chairs,
K14 102 nor did the Major, whom she saw as a small, fat, pink man, seek to
K14 103 shake their hands. ^She presumed that they were going to be handed
K14 104 over into his charge, and she was surprised to find that she did not
K14 105 care. ^Then a glance at Benvenuto told her that he too did not care.
K14 106 ^It was unimportant in whose hands they were; all would happen as it
K14 107 had been ordained.
K14 108 *<*52*>
K14 109    |^*4I*2T WAS *0possible for Major Vincent to misjudge the emotions
K14 110 of Benvenuto and Clara as he did because from his point of view,
K14 111 knowing what he knew of their fates, there was very little in their
K14 112 present appearance to indicate anything else but the most abject fear
K14 113 and humiliation.
K14 114    |^As he studied them in the fullness of his self-satisfaction,
K14 115 nothing suggested that the pale, weary, shrunken, wizened old man in
K14 116 his tattered rags was the same proud Capita*?2n who had guided the
K14 117 destiny of his country for twenty years. ^In Bassanio's patched and
K14 118 threadbare uniform Benvenuto looked like an ordinary fugitive from
K14 119 justice caught in an absolutely futile disguise. ^Gone was the
K14 120 habitual arrogance of his expression, gone the proud thrust of his
K14 121 jaw, the many gestures of the hands; extinct the brilliance and fire
K14 122 of his eyes. ^Nor was it possible to see in her an Emperor's mistress,
K14 123 a pampered Pompadour, as the Major had always imagined her. ^She
K14 124 looked*- the expression caused the Major a smile*- like a *1wife, *0a
K14 125 sort of faithful adjunct, a mute copy of her master. ^She sat in a
K14 126 slouch with one fine shoe on one delicate foot, in a dress spattered
K14 127 and stiff with mud: to the Major her cropped hair and thin breasts,
K14 128 her pale and drawn face and her sleepless-strained eyes brought to
K14 129 mind nothing more than submissiveness and servility.
K14 130    |^When the Rumanian brought them in, Major Vincent decided that
K14 131 they were both in the last stages of fear and exhaustion and that he
K14 132 would have no trouble with them.
K14 133    |^Benvenuto and Clara were not the first prisoners he had taken,
K14 134 nor would they be the first he would execute. ^Most of his other
K14 135 prisoners had behaved in a certain way, and he was confident Benvenuto
K14 136 and Clara would behave in the same way.
K14 137    |^What he read as fear in their faces he ascribed to the
K14 138 overwhelming depression of being taken *1when they thought they would
K14 139 be free. ^*0He thought of Benvenuto as being in the same position as
K14 140 that prisoner of the Spanish Cardinal during the Inquisition. ^One
K14 141 night the Cardinal left the prisoner's door unlocked and through
K14 142 endless dangers and mounting fear the prisoner made his way to the
K14 143 very outer wall of the citadel*- only to find the Cardinal waiting for
K14 144 him there when he had scaled that wall. ^To be a few steps short of
K14 145 achieving one's aims, Major Vincent thought, was as terrible a fate as
K14 146 could befall a man.
K14 147    |^Like that Cardinal, the Major had his methods with prisoners, and
K14 148 he believed them to be the most modern and most efficient methods, and
K14 149 relatively without cruelty. ^What he wanted from the Capita*?2n before
K14 150 he killed him was to see him broken down into absolute zero; he wanted
K14 151 him to deny ever having been a human being; he wanted him to unthink
K14 152 every thought he had ever had. ^If he could succeed in this, he would
K14 153 have accomplished two desirable aims. ^First, his own thoughts would
K14 154 rule supreme and he would feel, as he had felt before, that state of
K14 155 semi-exaltation in which his own ideas seemed to supersede all others
K14 156 and have free play with the realities of the world. ^In that state
K14 157 there were no cars that did not function, no stomachs with special
K14 158 requirements and no imperfections of communication. ^Second, it would
K14 159 be much easier to kill his prisoner once he had been reduced to
K14 160 absolute zero. ^Somehow, he had found, the more afraid a man was, the
K14 161 easier it was to kill him.
K14 162    |^The Major had his methods for achieving these aims: they had
K14 163 always succeeded in the past. ^*'The mind is a simple thing,**' he
K14 164 thought. ^*'It is made to feel and understand one thing at a time, so
K14 165 that you can make it swing like a pendulum. ^You can make doubt play
K14 166 with hope, speculation with logic. ^Ultimately the only relief is in
K14 167 not caring at all. ^The mind will take death with ease then, for life
K14 168 is a burden and a torment and death is a liberation.**'
K14 169    |^What the Major did not understand was that Benvenuto and Clara
K14 170 had reached this point without him. ^It was the Major's odd vanity to
K14 171 think that he could impose this on two human beings. ^In reality, they
K14 172 were making it necessary for him to follow that path.
K14 173    |^But Major Vincent also had his moments of doubt. ^It was
K14 174 impossible, for instance, to calculate what effect the girl would have
K14 175 on his plans. ^What ought he to do with her? ^Wouldn't it be
K14 176 considered unnecessarily cruel to kill the girl as well? ^And how
K14 177 could he reduce her to zero when obviously all her concerns were with
K14 178 the Capita*?2n and she barely thought of herself at all?
K14 179    |^For the moment he sidestepped the thought. ^I will decide what to
K14 180 do with her later, he imagined, not thinking that Clara would have
K14 181 anything to say in his decision.
K14 182 *# 2022
K15   1 **[389 TEXT K15**]
K15   2    |^*0Yet even this did not yet trouble me very much. ^The thought
K15   3 that, *1whatever *0my reception, I would see Honor again was, in the
K15   4 frenzy of need and desire which had now come upon me, enough. ^I was
K15   5 perhaps moreover a little the dupe of that illusion of lovers that the
K15   6 beloved object *1must, *0somehow, respond, that an extremity of love
K15   7 not only merits but compels some return. ^I expected nothing very
K15   8 much, I certainly expected nothing precise, but the future was
K15   9 sufficiently open, sufficiently obscure, to receive the now so fierce
K15  10 onward rush of my purpose. ^I had to see her and that was all.
K15  11    |^What had more occupied my mind, as the train drew near to
K15  12 Cambridge, was wonderment at the nature and genesis of this love.
K15  13 ^When had I begun, unbeknown to myself, to love Honor Klein? ^Was it
K15  14 when I threw her to the cellar floor? ^Or when I saw her cut the
K15  15 napkins in two with the Samurai sword? ^Or at some earlier time,
K15  16 perhaps at that strange moment when I had seen her dusty, booted and
K15  17 spurred, confront the golden potentates who were my oppressors? ^Or
K15  18 even, most prophetically, when I had glimpsed the curving seam of her
K15  19 stocking in the flaring orange lights at Hyde Park Corner? ^It was
K15  20 hard to say, and the harder because of the peculiar nature of this
K15  21 love. ^When I thought how peculiar it was it struck me as marvellous
K15  22 that I had nevertheless such a deep certainty that it *1was *0love. ^I
K15  23 seemed to have passed from dislike to love without experiencing any
K15  24 intermediate stage. ^There had been no moment when I reassessed her
K15  25 character, noticed new qualities, or passed less harsh judgements on
K15  26 the old ones: which seemed to imply that I now loved her for the same
K15  27 things for which I had previously disliked her heartily; if indeed I
K15  28 had ever disliked her. ^None of this, on the other hand, made me doubt
K15  29 that now I loved her. ^Yet it was in truth a monstrous love such as I
K15  30 had never experienced before, a love out of such depths of self as
K15  31 monsters live in. ^A love devoid of tenderness and humour, a love
K15  32 practically devoid of personality.
K15  33    |^It was strange too how little this passion which involved, so it
K15  34 seemed, a subjection of my whole being had to do in any simple or
K15  35 comprehensible sense with the flesh. ^It *1had *0to do with it, as my
K15  36 blood at every moment told me, but so darkly. ^I preserved the
K15  37 illusion of never having touched her. ^I had knocked her down but I
K15  38 had never held her hand; and at the idea of holding her hand I
K15  39 practically felt faint. ^How very different was this from my old love
K15  40 for Antonia, so warm and radiant with golden human dignity, and from
K15  41 my love for Georgie, so tender and sensuous and gay. ^Yet, too, how
K15  42 flimsy these other attachments seemed by comparison. ^The power that
K15  43 held me now was like nothing I had ever known: and the image returned
K15  44 to me of the terrible figure of Love as pictured by Dante. ^{*1El
K15  45 m'ha percosso in terra e stammi sopra.}
K15  46    |^*0It occurred to me later as remarkable and somehow splendid that
K15  47 one thing which I never envisaged in these early moments was that my
K15  48 condition was in any way bogus or unreal. ^Wherever it might lead, it
K15  49 was sufficiently what it seemed and had utterly to do with me: I would
K15  50 not, I could not, attempt to disown it or explain it away. ^If it was
K15  51 grotesque it was a grotesqueness which was of my own substance and to
K15  52 which, beyond any area of possible explanation, I laid an absolute
K15  53 claim. ^I had no idea what I would do when I saw Honor. ^It seemed
K15  54 quite likely that I would simply collapse speechless at her feet.
K15  55 ^Nothing of this mattered. ^I was doing what I had to do and my
K15  56 actions were, with a richness, my own.
K15  57    |^I glided, motley and all, into the great checkered picture of
K15  58 King's Parade. ^Beyond the slim street lamps the great crested form of
K15  59 King's chapel rose towards the moon, its pinnacles touched to a pallid
K15  60 blue against the starry distance beyond. ^The moon-shadow of the
K15  61 Senate House lay with a thicker obscurity across the grass until
K15  62 dispelled by the lamplight. ^The majesty, the familiarity, of these
K15  63 buildings seemed to add solemnity to my rite, as when old patriarchs
K15  64 come to grace a marriage. ^I felt by now extremely sick again and
K15  65 practically suffocated with excitement and with something which I
K15  66 supposed must be desire. ^I turned into the street where Honor Klein
K15  67 lived.
K15  68    |^I checked the numbers and could see ahead the house which must be
K15  69 hers. ^There was a single light on upstairs. ^The sight of that light
K15  70 made my heart increase its pace so hideously that I had to slow down
K15  71 and then to stop and hold on to a lamp-post while I tried to breathe
K15  72 evenly and quietly. ^I wondered if I had better wait a while and
K15  73 attempt, not to calm myself which was impossible, but simply to
K15  74 organize my breathing so as to be sure not to swoon. ^I stood for a
K15  75 few minutes and breathed steadily. ^I decided that I must wait no
K15  76 longer in case Honor should take it into her head to go to bed. ^I
K15  77 knew she could hardly be in bed at this hour, and pictured the
K15  78 upstairs room as a study. ^Then I pictured her there sitting at a desk
K15  79 surrounded by books. ^Then I pictured myself beside her. ^I advanced
K15  80 to the door and leaned against the wall.
K15  81    |^There was a single bell. ^I had not until that moment envisaged
K15  82 the possibility that she might have lodgers. ^In any case there was
K15  83 only one bell and I pressed it. ^I heard no sound within and after a
K15  84 moment I pressed the bell again. ^Still no sound. ^I stepped back and
K15  85 looked up at the lit curtained window. ^I returned to the door and
K15  86 pushed it gently, but it was locked. ^I peered through the letter box.
K15  87 ^The hall was in darkness and there was no sound of approaching feet.
K15  88 ^I held the letter box open and pressed the bell again. ^I decided
K15  89 that the bell must be out of order and I wondered what to do next. ^I
K15  90 might either call out, or bang on the door, or throw stones at the
K15  91 window. ^I stood meditating on these various courses for a little
K15  92 while, and they all seemed insuperably difficult. ^I was uncertain
K15  93 whether I could control my voice sufficiently to produce the right
K15  94 sort of cry, and the other methods were too brusque. ^In any case I
K15  95 did not relish a head thrust from a window, a confused encounter at a
K15  96 street doorway. ^What I really wanted was to slink quietly into some
K15  97 room and find myself at once in Honor's presence.
K15  98    |^It then occurred to me that just this was precisely what I might
K15  99 be able to manage. ^I noticed a little gate at the side of the house
K15 100 which doubtless led into the garden. ^I tried it and it was open. ^I
K15 101 passed down a narrow passageway of mossy bricks which divided the
K15 102 houses and found myself in a small garden. ^I stepped back a little.
K15 103 ^Above the black shape of a drooping tree the high moon revealed the
K15 104 back of the house, which was in darkness. ^French windows of a lower
K15 105 room gave on to the garden. ^I tiptoed back across the grass and put
K15 106 my hand against the windows. ^Here I had to pause again to subdue a
K15 107 wave of sheer panic. ^My breathing, even my heart-beat, must I felt
K15 108 already be audible through the house like the panting of an engine. ^I
K15 109 tried the doors, got my finger into a crack and pushed them sharply
K15 110 away from me. ^They gave; I was not sure whether they were unlatched
K15 111 anyway or whether my violent push had broken some weak fastening. ^I
K15 112 opened them wide with both hands.
K15 113    |^A dark room gaped before me, very faintly illuminated by the
K15 114 remains of an open fire. ^By now I scarcely knew what I was doing. ^My
K15 115 movements took on the quality of a dream. ^Things melted before me. ^I
K15 116 crossed the room and opened a door whose white surface I saw
K15 117 glimmering in the darkness. ^I came out into the hall. ^A little light
K15 118 from the street lamp in front, coming through the open door of one of
K15 119 the front rooms, showed me the stairs. ^I began to mount the stairs,
K15 120 leaning hard on the banisters and stepping softly. ^Once on the upper
K15 121 landing I could see the line of light under the door of Honor's room.
K15 122 ^I hesitated only a moment.
K15 123    |^I advanced to the door and knocked. ^After so much breathless
K15 124 silence the sound of the knock seemed thunderous. ^I let it die away
K15 125 and then as there was no reply to it I opened the door. ^For a moment
K15 126 the light dazzled me.
K15 127    |^I saw opposite to me a large double divan bed. ^The room was
K15 128 brightly lit. ^Sitting up in this bed and staring straight at me was
K15 129 Honor. ^She was sitting sideways with the sheet over her legs.
K15 130 ^Upwards she was as tawny and as naked as a ship's figurehead. ^I took
K15 131 in her pointed breasts, her black shaggy head of hair, her face stiff
K15 132 and expressionless as carved wood. ^She was not alone. ^Beside the bed
K15 133 a naked man was hastily engaged in pulling on a dressing-gown. ^It was
K15 134 immediately and indubitably apparent that I had interrupted a scene of
K15 135 lovers. ^The man was Palmer.
K15 136    |^I closed the door and walked back down the stairs.
K15 137 *<*1Twenty*>
K15 138    |^*2I TURNED *0a light on in the hall, finding the switch
K15 139 instinctively, and went back into the room through which I had come.
K15 140 ^I turned the switch here and various lamps came on. ^I vaguely took
K15 141 in a white book-lined room with chintz armchairs. ^I went over and
K15 142 closed the french windows which were hanging ajar. ^It appeared that I
K15 143 had broken the fastening after all. ^I pulled the curtains which were
K15 144 also chintz. ^I turned back towards the fireplace. ^On a low table
K15 145 before it stood a tray with two glasses, a decanter of whisky, and a
K15 146 jug of water. ^I poured out some whisky, spilling a good deal of it on
K15 147 the table. ^I drank it. ^I poured out some more, poked up the fire a
K15 148 bit, and waited.
K15 149    |^Ever since the moment near Waterloo Bridge when I had come to
K15 150 consciousness of my condition, I had felt like a man running towards a
K15 151 curtain. ^Now that I had so suddenly and with such exceedingly
K15 152 unexpected results passed through it I felt dazed and in great pain
K15 153 but also curiously steady. ^I had entered the house like a thief. ^I
K15 154 stood in it now like a conquering general. ^They would come, they
K15 155 would have to come, to attend upon me.
K15 156    |^I felt this steadiness, this setting as it were of my feet
K15 157 sturdily apart; yet with it I was in a confusion amounting to agony.
K15 158 ^I had so rapaciously desired and so obtusely expected to find Honor
K15 159 alone. ^The simple fact of her not being alone was a wrench almost
K15 160 separately felt, even apart from the nightmarish significance of who
K15 161 her companion was. ^From *1this *0there shivered through me a violence
K15 162 of amazement not distinguishable from horror; and I felt as a physical
K15 163 pain the shock of what I had done to *1them. ^*0How nai"vely had I
K15 164 imagined that Honor must be free; I had even, it now occurred to me,
K15 165 imagined that she must be a virgin: that I would be the first person
K15 166 to discover her, that I would be her conqueror and her awakener.
K15 167 ^Caught in the coils of such stupidity I could not yet even begin to
K15 168 touch with my imagination the notion that she should have had her
K15 169 brother as a lover.
K15 170 *# 2014
K16   1 **[390 TEXT K16**]
K16   2 ^*0There is not much you can do with a mahogany wardrobe except put
K16   3 your clothes in it. ^Save perhaps to the simple-minded, a
K16   4 dressing-table and a gas-fire do not open up endless vistas of
K16   5 amusement. ^I saw at a glance that the only possibility of diversion
K16   6 lay in the bed itself, which stood in the middle of the room, hostile
K16   7 and unruffled, as though convinced I would never have the courage to
K16   8 use it.
K16   9    |^But then a thought struck me: the very fact that the room was so
K16  10 uncompromisingly adjusted to lying down might make this easier to do
K16  11 when the right moment came. ^But when was it coming? ^How would one
K16  12 recognise it?
K16  13    |^By dismissing the porter with a florin, I brought that moment a
K16  14 step nearer.
K16  15    |^For the time being, however, it seemed essential to distract
K16  16 Priscilla's attention from such matters, though I can't think why. ^I
K16  17 knew that she was not averse in principle to the loss of that
K16  18 closely-guarded ladylike secret which has inspired respect in so many
K16  19 poets, especially those of the old-fashioned type. ^I speak of her
K16  20 virginity. ^Though not a poet, I had respected it myself. ^But that
K16  21 does not mean that we weren't both quite anxious to have it out of the
K16  22 way. ^It had been playing the part of a fifth parent for far too long,
K16  23 getting between us whenever we began to slip from sofa to hearthrug,
K16  24 raising a finger if we reached the feverish point of asking a favour
K16  25 from it. ^The time had arrived to get rid of it. ^Just as our parents
K16  26 had faded into slightly ridiculous memories gesturing in the
K16  27 background, so too must virginity give way before the pressures of a
K16  28 legal marriage.
K16  29    |^But Priscilla, who can be very matter-of-fact at times, was
K16  30 plainly waiting for me to propose some suitable way of spending the
K16  31 evening. ^Why should an item like marriage affect one's orderly mode
K16  32 of existence? ^And she was right. ^A prompt seduction on my part would
K16  33 land us with the necessity to rise, bathe and dress, chat falsely
K16  34 about this and that, and emerge into the rest of the evening as though
K16  35 nothing had happened. ^As it was, we had a ready-made climax to look
K16  36 forward to, and it was merely a question of shaping the hours ahead
K16  37 with tact and artistry. ^So I suggested we dine.
K16  38    |^But Priscilla wasn't hungry. ^She had eaten too much of the
K16  39 smoked salmon at the reception.
K16  40    |^I proposed we visit a few of the places we had known together,
K16  41 have a few drinks, perhaps dance.
K16  42    |^Dancing, she claimed, would exhaust her utterly. ^Did I want
K16  43 that?
K16  44    |^No, I didn't.
K16  45    |^And as for the drinks, she had no wish to be left tossing
K16  46 restlessly, while I snored my way into a hangover. ^Did I snore by the
K16  47 way?
K16  48    |^No, I didn't. ^But I realised my invention was beginning to
K16  49 slacken. ^Now that the tensions of courtship were over, was Priscilla
K16  50 always going to be so difficult to entertain?
K16  51    |^I next wondered if she would like to bear down on Shaftesbury
K16  52 Avenue and see a play. ^Priscilla fingered the knob on the bed and
K16  53 looked shocked. ^She thought there was something immoral about going
K16  54 to the theatre on what was, after all, the only wedding night she was
K16  55 likely to have for some time.
K16  56    |^It was my turn to look shocked. ^When, did she suppose, would the
K16  57 subsequent one take place? ^If that was her wish, I was prepared to
K16  58 retire at once and leave the way clear for my successor. ^No doubt he
K16  59 was already skulking in the precincts. ^Priscilla laughed a little.
K16  60    |^At this point I must put down, within inverted commas, the words
K16  61 Priscilla next chose to use. ^Luckily I am not introducing her by one
K16  62 of her more stupid remarks.
K16  63    |^*'How long will it take you to realise,**' she said, *'that the
K16  64 only thing I want to do this evening is what you keep on trying to put
K16  65 off in such a nasty way?**'
K16  66    |^I could have no doubt of what she meant. ^If we had not been
K16  67 married, this would have qualified as an indecent proposal. ^I
K16  68 experienced a pang of regret that it was Priscilla and not I who had
K16  69 given voice to the thought. ^But the regret was quickly overwhelmed by
K16  70 the stunning knowledge that this, suddenly, was just the right room,
K16  71 just the right hour, for what we had in mind. ^The curtains shivered
K16  72 at the window in a slight breeze. ^The evening sunlight glowed like
K16  73 skin on the stuccoed houses opposite. ^The room was already darkening,
K16  74 and Priscilla was standing by the bed, one half of her face in shadow,
K16  75 the other gold with a faint reflection of the sun. ^A gleam caught the
K16  76 edge of her lip, the corner of her eye. ^I could not believe I had
K16  77 married this quiet breathing creature.
K16  78    |^*'Well,**' I said slowly, *'all right.**'
K16  79    |^I thought afterwards it was an inadequate reply, but I had no
K16  80 time now to see it for what it was. ^Nor, evidently, had Priscilla.
K16  81 ^She heaved an enormous sigh, and I thought I saw a tear glimmering
K16  82 over her eyelash. ^Her mouth opened slightly to my kiss and moved
K16  83 beneath it. ^And that kiss grew with a leap into a mammoth sensation
K16  84 of the sort our former love-making had always been obliged to
K16  85 restrain. ^My hand swam through her hair and pushed her face into the
K16  86 kiss. ^Her eyelids dropped under the weight of it, her arms came up
K16  87 under my shoulders and closed over them, and a low aching cry rose in
K16  88 her throat. ^I had never heard anything like it.
K16  89    |^The kiss broke, as kisses do. ^But this was really the first
K16  90 ever, because it was no longer an end in itself. ^We no longer had to
K16  91 return to embarrassed reality, smooth down our clothes, wipe off
K16  92 smudged lipstick and suggest putting on another record. ^It was safe
K16  93 to dance on the edge of the precipice. ^We were licensed to jump.
K16  94    |^I have forgotten no detail of the scene that followed: Priscilla
K16  95 behaved unforgettably. ^With the assurance of that kiss still between
K16  96 us, she drew the curtains so that the fading day was narrowed to a
K16  97 slot of deep amber light, then stood on the opposite side of the bed,
K16  98 her eyes stark and unpretending and fixed on mine, and began
K16  99 unbuttoning her blouse.
K16 100    |^*'I am beginning to take off my clothes,**' she said distinctly.
K16 101 ^*'You are not yet used to this sort of thing.**'
K16 102    |^I watched her with care. ^She might have been giving a cool
K16 103 demonstration to a class of novitiates. ^Her movements were precise,
K16 104 practised and unemotional. ^I fumbled hopelessly with my tie in a
K16 105 blurred imitation of her neat and methodical unclothing. ^She slipped
K16 106 out of her blouse, unzipped and dropped her skirt, and stepped out of
K16 107 it as though alighting from a bus. ^School had taught me that this was
K16 108 the sort of thing men were normally privileged to watch only through
K16 109 keyholes. ^But here I was, my senses involved to the point of
K16 110 suffocation in the rustling magic of a woman's undressing, and the
K16 111 fact that impressed me most was the purity of it: the simplicity of
K16 112 soft white materials, almost as insubstantial as light, which covered
K16 113 the sweet body in its own shape and slipped off it as quietly as a
K16 114 shadow covering the sun and left the dark skin beneath. ^With hair
K16 115 flopping over her shoulders, Priscilla squatted like an animal and,
K16 116 thrusting out first one leg and then the other, ran her stockings
K16 117 smoothly down and pulled them over her ankles. ^With every garment she
K16 118 removed, her body appeared to pass more duskily into the shadows until
K16 119 she stood in the nude, almost negligent in her attitude, not moving
K16 120 any more, as natural as a tree that has shed its leaves, as casual as
K16 121 a secretary waiting to take a letter.
K16 122    |^*'That's what it's like,**' said Priscilla. ^*'You'd better get
K16 123 rid of any other ideas you might have had.**'
K16 124    |^Then like a child she climbed clumsily into bed and sat up
K16 125 shivering with the blankets round her shoulders. ^I put the coins from
K16 126 my pocket on the mantelshelf.
K16 127    |^*'Do you always do that?**' she enquired.
K16 128    |^*'Yes,**' I said. ^*'Otherwise, you see, it pulls the pockets of
K16 129 one's trousers out of shape.**'
K16 130    |^*'I do see that,**' said Priscilla.
K16 131    |^She seemed interested, so I explained a few more masculine habits
K16 132 which she might not have encountered. ^I informed her about braces: to
K16 133 save trouble in the morning, one should remove them from one's suit
K16 134 the night before and lay them out ready to be buttoned to another pair
K16 135 of trousers for the new day. ^As my reason for rejecting suspenders, I
K16 136 said that I had been told by doctors that they were apt to bring up
K16 137 varicose veins on the legs. ^Priscilla uttered a groan.
K16 138    |^*'Let me see your legs,**' she said.
K16 139    |^I showed her one. ^She pronounced it satisfactory. ^Then I
K16 140 noticed that she was not looking at my leg at all. ^I climbed hastily
K16 141 into bed.
K16 142    |^*'But I like it,**' she said.
K16 143 *<*55*>
K16 144    |^*2PERHAPS *0we had read too few books. ^I once knew a man who
K16 145 took a pride in practising on unsuspecting ladies the advice put
K16 146 forward by authors of handbooks in respect of trial blandishments,
K16 147 eccentric positions and so forth. ^If he did not care for the result,
K16 148 he addressed witty letters of criticism to the publishers. ^He was a
K16 149 wise fellow, and I had been wrong to question his morals. ^Perhaps, on
K16 150 the other hand, we had expected too much from an activity which is,
K16 151 after all, no more than a convenient method devised by nature for
K16 152 reproducing the species. ^Anyway, whatever lay behind it, it was all a
K16 153 ghastly flop.
K16 154    |^To begin with, as we lay side by side like effigies, Priscilla
K16 155 seemed to have put the whole business out of her mind. ^She suddenly
K16 156 began to talk about bicycles, of all ridiculous things.
K16 157    |^*'When I was a girl,**' she said chattily, *'I used to ride a
K16 158 bicycle.**'
K16 159    |^*'Oh, really?**'
K16 160    |^*'Yes, and I was quite a horsewoman in my way too.**'
K16 161    |^We had always been very much involved in the present during the
K16 162 old days before the wedding, so this was something I had never
K16 163 suspected about Priscilla. ^It was quite interesting. ^On the other
K16 164 hand, I could have wished for a more suitable moment to digest such
K16 165 confidences. ^My sense of fitness began to tussle with my natural
K16 166 inclination to listen sympathetically to anything Priscilla cared to
K16 167 say.
K16 168    |^*'So it wouldn't be what you might think,**' said Priscilla.
K16 169    |^*'Life never is,**' I suggested, in a philosophical tone.
K16 170    |^*'It would probably be just the strain of gymkhana jumping and
K16 171 cycling madly all over the place. ^It can happen.
K16 172    |^*'Are you thinking of taking up riding again?**' I asked.
K16 173    |^*'No,**' said Priscilla.
K16 174    |^I did not reply. ^There was a decent interval of silence. ^Then,
K16 175 rather in a rush, activity took place.
K16 176    |^I hardly like to describe it.
K16 177    |^The bed creaked protestingly. ^I had visions, not of love, but of
K16 178 waiters dashing into the room with scandalised expressions. ^My mind
K16 179 wandered. ^The sweat broke out all over us, so that in a trice we were
K16 180 struggling through sticky intolerable tropics of our own making. ^My
K16 181 hair itched and I couldn't scratch it. ^I ricked my back. ^Our bodies
K16 182 jumped nervously away at the slightest touch. ^Wriggling like an eel,
K16 183 Priscilla complained of being tickled and her hand, raised in
K16 184 hysterical defence, caught me painfully in the eye. ^I pictured a free
K16 185 fight such as one sees in films and thought how much more manly it was
K16 186 than this display of total incompetence. ^Indeed I felt, when for a
K16 187 moment we paused and sank back on the damp pillows, that a fortnight
K16 188 of debauchery could scarcely leave me more drained and feeble.
K16 189    |^I had put such agonising effort into the achievement of nothing.
K16 190 ^I could feel the veins bulging in my head and my heart beating in
K16 191 angry frustration.
K16 192 *# 2014
K17   1 **[391 TEXT K17**]
K17   2    |^*0In the bedrooms the children were preparing to sleep. ^In
K17   3 turmoil and excitement probably, because of the strangeness, and being
K17   4 packed together. ^What was Thomas doing? ^He liked to watch them; he
K17   5 wanted children now; he might be undressing Bobbie.
K17   6    |^And Aunt Mary? ^She would be alone, as always. ^She would be
K17   7 plaiting the iron hair in two stiff little pigtails, and when that was
K17   8 done she would sit on the edge of the wide, lonely bed she had claimed
K17   9 for herself, and she would rub her legs, and sigh, and she would pull
K17  10 over her head the voluminous wincey nightgown with the tucks on the
K17  11 bodice and the round collar up under her chin. ^And when at last she
K17  12 lay down she would rise out of the bed in rigid humps, like a
K17  13 mountain. ^She would not lie relaxed and peaceful, as though she were
K17  14 resting, but iron hard, as though she were still fighting.
K17  15    |^Kate and Thomas came back along the hall, at ease and smiling.
K17  16 ^Children on the point of going to bed, freshly washed, are at their
K17  17 most lovable.
K17  18    |^*"Hullo,**" said Thomas. ^*"It's quiet. ^Where are the others?**"
K17  19    |^*"Sheila and Hugh are fixing the boat,**" said Esther. ^*"Do you
K17  20 think they can manage?**"
K17  21    |^*"What was wrong?**"
K17  22    |^*"What was wrong?**" said Henry. ^*"What do you think was wrong?
K17  23 ^Bash, bash on the weatherboards all day! ^I'm tired of it! ^I told
K17  24 him to fix it or take it away!**"
K17  25    |^*"And I told you it was to stay there! ^Even if it did bang!
K17  26 ^What can the boy do about it?**"
K17  27    |^Thomas slammed up the window. ^He climbed out on the verandah
K17  28 roof, calling ^*"Hugh!**"
K17  29    |^The wind washed in a great gob through the house, sending the
K17  30 curtains up to the ceiling.
K17  31    |^In a few minutes Thomas came back, grasped the sill, and looked
K17  32 in.
K17  33    |^*"Where are they? ^\2Goddammit, where are they?**"
K17  34    |^Nobody answered. ^Then, ~*"What do you mean?**" said Kate.
K17  35    |^Thomas climbed in the window, catching his foot on the sill and
K17  36 tumbling to the floor. ^He picked himself up in a frenzy, ran into the
K17  37 blue bedroom, almost knocking Teresa down, hurled up the window there.
K17  38 ^The stern mooring line of the little boat hung straight down into the
K17  39 water. ^Of the boat there was no sign.
K17  40    |^Thomas rapidly hauled on the line. ^The end came up. ^It had been
K17  41 cast off into the water.
K17  42    |^Thomas ran back to the landing, hung out the window there. ^The
K17  43 mast and sail, which he had laid in the guttering were gone.
K17  44    |^He closed the window, turned to the old man, and said in a choked
K17  45 voice, ^*"I could kill you!**"
K17  46    |^For a while it was Teresa they must cope with. ^She was
K17  47 completely frantic. ^She would have attacked her father but that they
K17  48 pulled her away, and Kate took her into the only free bedroom, where
K17  49 for a long time she tried to calm her. ^Julie dragged off shoes and
K17  50 stockings and searched in the kitchen for aspirin, because there was
K17  51 none in the bathroom. ^The water in which she waded was cold, thick
K17  52 and repulsive, and she shuddered all the time, but it was not only
K17  53 with distaste of the water and the smell of it which was now
K17  54 permeating the house. ^The clammy flood reached to her thighs, and she
K17  55 could not keep her clothes dry. ^She had tucked her skirt up, but it
K17  56 trailed in the water. ^Dusk was now thickening in the corners, and
K17  57 outside the water slapped, not below, as when one was upstairs, but
K17  58 round about, butting about one's ears, pummelling, menacing, with all
K17  59 too little to keep it out, keep it from engulfing one.
K17  60    |^She found the aspirin at last, and climbed the stairs, to where
K17  61 Thomas was waiting. ^He would not leave the old man. ^He would not let
K17  62 him out of his sight again until they were all safe. ^He had wanted to
K17  63 rush out, to swim to the boundary fence, at least, to see if he could
K17  64 see them, but there was no sense in it. ^There was no doubt where they
K17  65 had gone, downstream, to Sheila's home, which, as Henry pointed out,
K17  66 aggrieved, wasn't far. ^There was no reason, he said, why they
K17  67 shouldn't be perfectly all right.
K17  68    |^*"But not *1sailing,*0**" Thomas had said.
K17  69    |^*"They wouldn't need to sail,**" said Henry. ^*"Just drift
K17  70 there.**"
K17  71    |^*"They have only one oar!**"
K17  72    |^*"They can use it to steer with.**"
K17  73    |^All of which was true, and no doubt Sheila and Hugh would be
K17  74 perfectly safe. ^Unless they tried to come back. ^Which they would be
K17  75 anxious to do, knowing their absence would cause alarm. ^At the
K17  76 thought of it Thomas grew cold. ^Sheila probably knew nothing of
K17  77 sailing, and Hugh thought he knew it all. ^There was one comfort, if
K17  78 Bob Higgins were at home he would stop any such foolhardiness. ^But
K17  79 was he at home? ^That was what Sheila had gone to find out.
K17  80    |^Thomas took the aspirin and gave it to Esther.
K17  81    |^*"Julie, you're wet. ^You must change.**"
K17  82    |^*"I'll find something. ^Thomas, its growing dark. ^Hadn't I
K17  83 better bring up a primus and some tea?**"
K17  84    |^*"I should fetch them myself.**"
K17  85    |^*"I can manage.**"
K17  86    |^*"Bring some things on a tray. ^Then you must change.**"
K17  87    |^Julie went down again. ^The shadows were growing deeper, the
K17  88 water sounded louder, both what was outside and what she was pushing
K17  89 through. ^It made such a weight against her thighs, and the cold edge
K17  90 of it was a knife on her body. ^Was it as high before, or do I imagine
K17  91 it? ^She began to shudder again. ^Don't be silly. ^Think what you
K17  92 need.
K17  93    |^The big tray was on the kitchen table. ^The primus, too, that
K17  94 Aunt Mary had used. ^She shook it. ^It seemed full. ^But don't forget
K17  95 the methylated spirit. ^Cups. ^A few will do. ^We can wash them in the
K17  96 bathroom. ^The tea caddy. ^The biscuit barrel. ^Both of willow pattern
K17  97 and as old and familiar as the milk jug, which would be in the
K17  98 refrigerator.
K17  99    |^She could not open the refrigerator door. ^The weight of water
K17 100 against its lower part was too much. ^Bother, I don't like tea without
K17 101 milk. ^But I'd better leave it. ^To open the door would spoil some
K17 102 food anyway.
K17 103    |^Thomas has matches. ^The lamps are upstairs. ^And the candles. ^I
K17 104 don't know what else. ^Sugar, yes. ^Bread. ^And butter. ^A few knives.
K17 105 ^We shan't starve overnight anyway. ^But can I carry it all?
K17 106    |^It's a good thing we have rainwater tanks. ^We do have something
K17 107 to drink. ^Oh! ^Kettle and teapot.
K17 108    |^It's awfully hard to walk in the water. ^Am I tired? ^It wasn't
K17 109 so hard before.
K17 110    |^She was lifting the tray before she noticed water washing across
K17 111 the table. ^Now fear caught her. ^The flood was reaching towards her
K17 112 waist, was covering the kitchen table. ^Water dripped from the tray as
K17 113 she lifted it high. ^Her heart hammering, she began to wade from the
K17 114 kitchen.
K17 115    |^*"Thomas,**" she said, as he came down to meet her, and took the
K17 116 heavy tray, ^*"Thomas, the water is deeper. ^It's nearly up to my
K17 117 waist.**"
K17 118    |^He looked at her, nodded.
K17 119    |^*"Don't go down again, Julie. ^For anything.**"
K17 120    |^*"Thomas, I didn't feel another wave.**"
K17 121    |^*"No. ^But it's risen quickly, all the same. ^Now go and change.
K17 122 ^I'll watch the water. ^Don't worry.**"
K17 123    |^Julie padded off to find some clothes, wondering, in spite of all
K17 124 the worry and fear and the tiredness which was beginning to clog her,
K17 125 whether she at all resembled Aunt Mary doing the same thing. ^Esther
K17 126 gave her a frock and a warm dressing gown, and she changed in the
K17 127 bathroom. ^When she came back Sophie and Esther were sitting
K17 128 dejectedly, Henry was dozing, and Thomas peering into the dusk. ^But
K17 129 of course he could see nothing.
K17 130    |^*"Are the children asleep, Sophie?**"
K17 131    |^*"More or less. ^I've threatened them with everything. ^They're
K17 132 settling down.**"
K17 133    |^*"Oh, darling, don't cry.**" ^For Esther had pulled out her
K17 134 handkerchief.
K17 135    |^*"Cheer up,**" said Sophie. ^*"But all the same, why didn't I
K17 136 find me a husband at home in Wellington?**"
K17 137    |^*"Don't you use your handkerchief.**" ^Julie tried to joke a
K17 138 little, and then Kate came back, looking as though she too were ready
K17 139 to give way. ^It would be better if the children were here, thought
K17 140 Thomas. ^They would pull themselves together.
K17 141    |^He came from the window and lit one of the lamps. ^The soft
K17 142 yellow light flickered, then settled, pooling so that the corners of
K17 143 the landing were still shadowed and remote, and peopled, suddenly, to
K17 144 Julie, by the ghosts now awakened. ^First Grandmother, of course,
K17 145 erect and certain, not fighting like Aunt Mary, but just*- completely
K17 146 sure of herself. ^From the tip of her feathered toque to the heels of
K17 147 her speckless shoes she was groomed, polished, perfect and
K17 148 unapproachable. ^And Uncle John who was killed in Flanders, and who
K17 149 had become a legend and a symbol, someone for Grandmother to pin her
K17 150 prayers on, so that one never knew exactly what kind of person he was,
K17 151 and never would. ^His two brothers who had been a disappointment, and
K17 152 so were never mentioned, skeletons in the family cupboard. ^But they
K17 153 were there now, inhabiting the shadowy, shifting corners of the
K17 154 landing. ^Did Esther notice them?
K17 155    |^*"How is Teresa?**" asked Thomas.
K17 156    |^*"She's lying quietly now,**" said Kate. ^*"I think she's all
K17 157 right.**"
K17 158    |^*"Poor girl,**" said Esther.
K17 159    |^*"Hugh and Sheila are quite safe.**" ^Thomas spoke angrily, as
K17 160 though trying to convince himself.
K17 161    |^Esther wept again. ^Kate bent over her and said ^*"Weep now if
K17 162 you must, Mother, but I ask you, please don't weep for *1him *0when
K17 163 he's dead.**" ^She gestured towards her father. ^*"If you do, I'll
K17 164 remind you.**"
K17 165    |^Sophie looked uneasy, and Esther startled. ^Then she said calmly
K17 166 ^*"I'll probably die first.**"
K17 167    |^*"No!**" said Kate. ^Quite suddenly she crumpled into a heap on
K17 168 the floor, laid her head against her mother's knee and cried as though
K17 169 she would never stop.
K17 170    |^They were all utterly confounded. ^Then they became embarrassed,
K17 171 as though this were something not meant for them to see. ^Only Esther,
K17 172 after hesitating a moment, knew what to do. ^As though indeed Kate
K17 173 were a child at her knee, Rose or Jane or Sally, she placed her hand
K17 174 on Kate's hair. ^She did not say anything, but the gesture was all
K17 175 that was needed, both to reassure Kate and to increase the feeling, in
K17 176 Julie and Sophie and Thomas, that they were intruding. ^They were all
K17 177 quite quiet and still. ^Only Henry's head nodded, his eyes were
K17 178 closed, and his breathing loud and heavy, too loud in the quiet house,
K17 179 where it was almost dark, and they did not know what the night hours
K17 180 would bring.
K17 181    |^In Julie the peaks of this day could rouse no more emotion. ^She
K17 182 was, she felt, wrung dry and flaccid, like a cleaning cloth. ^The
K17 183 sight of Kate at her mother's knee, where not so long ago she herself
K17 184 had ached to be, should have pierced her to the quick, and in truth
K17 185 she found tears wetting her cheeks, but by now she was so exhausted
K17 186 that she felt no jealousy and none of the hate she had resolved to
K17 187 bear for her sister. ^Nor pity either. ^She was worn out, and felt
K17 188 quite detached, and wished Kate had not broken down in front of them.
K17 189    |^Should I not feel for anyone? she wondered. ^Is that the only way
K17 190 to live, the only way to avoid hurt, and make life bearable?
K17 191    |^But she knew that was not the answer. ^And she thought, perhaps
K17 192 Mother is stronger than I realised. ^When she is needed she is there.
K17 193 ^Perhaps it is my fault I never sat at her knee.
K17 194    |^I cannot lick the tears away. ^There are too many. ^Yet if I
K17 195 bring out my handkerchief Thomas will notice. ^And I'm not crying,
K17 196 really. ^I feel quite calm and cold. ^But so tired. ^So deadly tired.
K17 197    |^Sophie rose at last, and went to the table. ^She tried
K17 198 ineffectually to light the primus, and Thomas came to help her.
K17 199 *# 2011
K18   1 **[392 TEXT K18**]
K18   2    |^*"No, you're a humanist*- so am I*- I think. ^Words don't seem to
K18   3 count where real feeling is concerned.**"
K18   4    |^*"You'll only be able to judge of what's happened by the way it
K18   5 turns out. ^And you must wait for that.**"
K18   6    |^*"I'm so miserable*- waiting ...**" she confessed with trembling
K18   7 lips.
K18   8    |^He swore roundly into his beard. ^*"Listen Nan, our personal
K18   9 desires can go haywire at times. ^If we all followed our desire what
K18  10 kind of a world would we live in? ^Crime, disease, misery*- no end to
K18  11 it. ^There has to be law and order*- and basically *1we make our own.
K18  12 ^*0Try not to worry so much. ^Would you like me to have a word with
K18  13 Stuart?**"
K18  14    |^She started up wildly. ^*"*1No. ^No. ^No. ^*0Keep out if this,
K18  15 Doc. ^You promised ... ^I'll never forgive you if you speak of it to
K18  16 *1anyone ...*0**"
K18  17    |^*"You can trust me. ^I wouldn't care to tackle a man on such an
K18  18 issue. ^It would be interesting to hear what he is thinking right
K18  19 now.**"
K18  20    |^*"Oh, he'll be congratulating himself on a lucky escape,**" she
K18  21 said bitterly. ^In spite of or because of the confession Nan was
K18  22 feeling better. ^Doctor Benson had almost forced it from her, and she
K18  23 knew that he was right, in spite of wilful desire to hug her
K18  24 unhappiness to her bosom. ^His reasoning had given her another train
K18  25 of thought.
K18  26    |^He went to the cupboard where he mixed them both a drink.
K18  27    |^*"Drink this, Nan*- and chin up. ^What can't be cured must be
K18  28 endured. ^You'll survive.**"
K18  29    |^*"A more unfeeling remark would be hard to find. ^Ugh! ^Whisky.
K18  30 ^I hate the stuff. ^I don't know how you can drink it, Doc.**" ^She
K18  31 drained the glass however, and handed it back to him, before
K18  32 uncrossing her legs and going to him.
K18  33    |^*"Thank you for everything. ^I think I get the general
K18  34 impression. ^I'm still miserable though.**"
K18  35    |^They exchanged smiles. ^*"It'll stop*- in time. ^And if it
K18  36 doesn't you'll learn to live with it.**"
K18  37    |^He sat down by the open window, while Nan went upstairs. ^She
K18  38 thought of his words. ^He knew their truth as few could do. ^She
K18  39 remembered the war, when he had his hand on the door of his home when
K18  40 the bomb fell, taking with it all he held dear. ^His wife, his child,
K18  41 and the child to be born*- and he hadn't sought solace elsewhere.
K18  42 ^He'd learned to live with pain.
K18  43    |^*"I'd say he was happy*- most of the time,**" she mused.
K18  44    |^Was that because, having made his choice*- he stayed with it, as
K18  45 he had advised her to do?
K18  46 *<*5Chapter Nine*>
K18  47    |^*2NAN WOKE AT *0dawn prompted by a memory that eluded her at
K18  48 first. ^She got up and dressed, and stood by her window, gazing out
K18  49 across the garden to the road, and beyond that the beach. ^In the
K18  50 early light the sands appeared lifeless, ugly, dark. ^The birds had
K18  51 started their dawn chorus and it may have been this that had wakened
K18  52 her.
K18  53    |^Her gaze swivelled towards the yacht, standing far out to sea
K18  54 like a graceful gull riding the waves. ^Near at hand was Jimmy's small
K18  55 rowing boat to which he had recently attached an outboard motor. ^She
K18  56 could hear the chugging distinctly in the quietness.
K18  57    |^Two men were aboard ... Stuart and Jimmy. ^She watched them for
K18  58 some time, seeing their absorbing interest in what they were doing.
K18  59 ^Lobster would figure prominently on the menu at the yacht today. ^Yet
K18  60 Stuart was after more than lobster fishing, Nan knew. ^He was too big
K18  61 a man to waste time on anyone without sufficient reason.
K18  62    |^Doc had only judged from what she had told him, yet the other
K18  63 side the story went so much deeper. ^There could be no sharp division
K18  64 as one believed when one was young. ^Nan saw that now. ^The judging
K18  65 must come from one's own experience, one's own conscience, and
K18  66 understanding. ^What the world thought didn't matter.
K18  67    |^She saw one of the clumsy-looking lobster pots being hauled on
K18  68 board and its contents taken out. ^This was repeated several times and
K18  69 she tired of watching. ^She would have given much to know the
K18  70 conversation between the two men as they worked.
K18  71    |^All day she worked, keeping thought at bay, trying to win back to
K18  72 tranquility. ^The old house shone with the extra polishing for which
K18  73 she found time. ^\0Mrs. \0B. was washing, hanging out the clothes on
K18  74 the line in the back garden, revelling in the soft breeze that had
K18  75 sprung up. ^Nan worked herself to a standstill. ^When night came she
K18  76 was thankful to relax. ^Charles and Doctor Benson were both absent
K18  77 from the house for it was always a busy time for them when so many
K18  78 visitors flocked to the village. ^Their surgeries were packed, making
K18  79 their calls later and later in the day.
K18  80    |^Jimmy brought two lobsters, dressed ready for the table. ^Nan
K18  81 laughed when she saw them.
K18  82    |^*"I saw you out on the water at dawn,**" she told him.
K18  83    |^*"Yes, \0Mr. Maxwell was keen. ^He's done deep sea fishing in
K18  84 Bermuda, Alaska, all over the world.**"
K18  85    |^So it was of that they talked? ^Nan waited, putting the lobster
K18  86 on a dish. ^*"They are fine ones, Jimmy.**"
K18  87    |^*"Yes, I'm taking on that job, Nan.**" ^He looked at her
K18  88 expectantly.
K18  89    |^*"Are you?**" she turned away. ^*"Are you glad about it?**"
K18  90    |^*"Yes, ^It's a step in the right direction for me. ^Maxwell is a
K18  91 fine chap. ^He says he'll help me a lot if I'll stick with him. ^He
K18  92 says it will be permanent too. ^He wants me right away. ^I'm boarding
K18  93 the yacht tonight.**"
K18  94    |^*"Oh, no Jimmy ...**" ^She was aghast at this.
K18  95    |^*"Sorry?**" he asked teasingly.
K18  96    |^*"Yes. ^I'll miss you.**"
K18  97    |^His face changed its expression. ^*"I'll miss you, Nan, but it
K18  98 won't be for long. ^I promise that. ^I'll be home every chance I get.
K18  99 ^Let's have a walk, Nan ... it's our last chance for a while.**"
K18 100    |^They spent an hour together, talking nostalgically as they
K18 101 wandered slowly down the coast road to the village. ^Nan felt hedged
K18 102 in by sadness which she tried to dispel for Jimmy's sake. ^It was only
K18 103 later that she realised that he might have misunderstood her sad mood,
K18 104 taking it to himself. ^He would think she was sad at his going.
K18 105    |^When they returned to the house he stopped her with a gentle
K18 106 force she could not withstand. ^*"Nan*- you'll wait? ^Promise you'll
K18 107 wait. ^I wouldn't go if I thought otherwise. ^It's real with me.**"
K18 108    |^*"Oh, Jimmy, I can't promise. ^I wish I could. ^I wish I knew.**"
K18 109 ^She sighed against him. ^*"Try to forget about me. ^You'll meet lots
K18 110 of other girls. ^Why has it to be me, Jimmy?**"
K18 111    |^*"There's no one to hold a candle to you, Nan.**" ^He whispered
K18 112 the words for he was always shy of expressing his feelings. ^*"You're
K18 113 beautiful and strong and ... the girl I want.**"
K18 114    |^*"Don't be hurt, Jimmy; I can't be tied down yet.**"
K18 115    |^*"Will you give me a definite answer at Christmas?**"
K18 116    |^That was what Charles had said*- that it had to be yes or no with
K18 117 Jimmy. ^He couldn't understand her hesitation. ^She felt his eagerness
K18 118 and was sorry because the failure was within herself. ^She returned
K18 119 his kiss because that was all she had to give.
K18 120    |^*"Yes, I promise I'll give you an answer then. ^You may be the
K18 121 one to feel glad that I didn't promise. ^You may meet someone else.**"
K18 122    |^*"No. ^We've known each other too long for that.**"
K18 123    |^*"Perhaps too long, Jimmy.**"
K18 124    |^*"Think of me.**"
K18 125    |^*"Yes. ^Now, you'd better go. ^Good night*- and good-bye ...
K18 126 Jimmy ...**"
K18 127    |^He left her abruptly. ^She heard his footsteps on the road,
K18 128 brisk, sure of himself, and where he was going.
K18 129    |^She turned back to the dark house, where only the light above the
K18 130 surgery door showed like a pool.
K18 131    |^Stuart stepped into that light, making her start for she had not
K18 132 known there was anyone near. ^He must have stayed in the shadows until
K18 133 he heard Jimmy leaving. ^There was a moment of silence, hard to break.
K18 134 ^Nan felt as if her breath had run out at the top of her head, leaving
K18 135 her suspended, her lungs helpless.
K18 136    |^*"Saying good-bye to Jimmy?**" Stuart said.
K18 137    |^*"You saw for yourself,**" she was thankful when her voice
K18 138 followed her will. ^*"Why didn't you speak sooner?**"
K18 139    |^*"I didn't want to spoil your last tender moments together.**"
K18 140    |^She let this pass because she hated him when he sneered.
K18 141    |^*"I've been waiting for over an hour, cruising around on my own
K18 142 in the car, then I knew you must return sometime. ^Where have you
K18 143 been?**"
K18 144    |^*"Surely that is my affair.**"
K18 145    |^*"Answer me.**"
K18 146    |^*"We went for a last walk together*- just talking. ^Any reason
K18 147 why we shouldn't?**" ^She went ahead of him into the house, switching
K18 148 on all the lights as she went. ^There couldn't be too much light at
K18 149 that moment and she prayed that either Doc or Charles would come soon.
K18 150    |^Stuart followed her. ^*"Not any reason. ^Charles is with Hilary*-
K18 151 bidding her good-bye for a while. ^This kind of thing is
K18 152 contagious.**"
K18 153    |^*"I hate it when you sneer about Charles and Hilary.**"
K18 154    |^*"I wasn't sneering. ^I'm just jealous as hell ...**"
K18 155    |^She gave him a disbelieving look. ^*"Please*- do you mind? ^And
K18 156 while we are alone, will you tell me the *1real *0reason why you gave
K18 157 Jimmy that job?**"
K18 158    |^*"To get him away from here.**"
K18 159    |^*"I thought so. ^It won't make any difference.**"
K18 160    |^*"I gathered you were making him wait*- too ...**" ^The inference
K18 161 was not lost on her and she flushed hotly.
K18 162    |^*"Who told you so?**"
K18 163    |^*"He did, or words to that effect.**"
K18 164    |^She turned her shoulder, offended in a way she could not explain
K18 165 even to herself. ^*"Hadn't you better go?**"
K18 166    |^*"I too, came to say good-bye. ^I told you it was catching. ^We
K18 167 rather missed out on that yesterday.**"
K18 168    |^*"Your fault. ^Thank you for the flowers by the way. ^They are
K18 169 very beautiful, but you needn't have gone to so much trouble. ^I was
K18 170 pleased to give Brownie the goldfish on her own account.**"
K18 171    |^*"Oh, I didn't send the flowers for that reason.**"
K18 172    |^*"No? ^How is she, by the way?**"
K18 173    |^*"In robust health as usual. ^\0Mrs. Tyler is finding it a bit of
K18 174 a strain looking after her on deck.**"
K18 175    |^*"I'm sure. ^She is such an active child.**"
K18 176    |^*"So*- it's good-bye, Nan. ^You made me angry but I'm over that
K18 177 now. ^I hope you have forgiven me.**"
K18 178    |^*"Quite,**" she agreed quickly.
K18 179    |^*"Then we could do the job properly perhaps.**"
K18 180    |^She moved across the room. ^*"No.**"
K18 181    |^*"Scared?**" ^The jibe came softly.
K18 182    |^*"I think I am. ^Her compliance closed the way to him completely.
K18 183    |^*"You don't trust me.**"
K18 184    |^*"Good-bye Stuart. ^I hope you enjoy the remainder of your
K18 185 trip.**"
K18 186    |^He thrust both hands in his pockets and lounged closer, a pulse
K18 187 beating intermittently in his temple.
K18 188    |^*"I'm taking Brownie back home, then going to America. ^I'll be
K18 189 away some time, Nan. ^This is something I must do.**"
K18 190    |^She wondered why he was at such pains to explain his movements.
K18 191 ^It had nothing to do with her. ^He could go round the world and she
K18 192 would not care*- much. ^She glanced secretly at the clock, wondering
K18 193 how to get him out of the house. ^She felt uncomfortable as she stood
K18 194 with her hands on the back of the old chair.
K18 195    |^*"Would you like some coffee?**" she offered, hoping he would not
K18 196 accept.
K18 197    |^*"Thank you. ^That would be nice.**"
K18 198    |^*"I won't be long.**" ^When she reached the kitchen he was close
K18 199 behind her. ^He watched as she measured the coffee, and she wished she
K18 200 had a fund of small talk with which to keep him entertained. ^It was
K18 201 obvious that he had come to say more than good-bye.
K18 202    |^*"I left something in the car,**" he said, and went out the back
K18 203 way. ^While he was absent she prepared the tray with cups and saucers
K18 204 and sugar.
K18 205    |^If only he'd *1go ... *0she thought desperately. ^The ordeal was
K18 206 more than she could bear at that moment. ^The peace she had gained in
K18 207 Jimmy's company was fast being dispelled.
K18 208 *# 2005
K19   1 **[393 TEXT K19**]
K19   2 ^*0Here he checked the mare's pace to a gentle amble, and round a bend
K19   3 in the road they came upon a low and elegant little house, standing
K19   4 back behind a red brick wall with creepers that scrambled over it by a
K19   5 small, green-painted gate.
K19   6    |^In the road outside the gate a young and pretty governess was
K19   7 just setting out for a morning walk with her charges, a little boy and
K19   8 a little girl. ^The children had hoops in their hands, and it was with
K19   9 the greatest difficulty that they were restrained from bowling them
K19  10 into the mare's legs.
K19  11    |^Hudson brought the gig to a stop and raised his hat to the lady.
K19  12 ^Then, tossing the reins to the groom, he swung himself down into the
K19  13 lane beside her.
K19  14    |^*'Good morning, Miss Greenwood,**' he said, and Horatia thought
K19  15 she had never heard so much feeling put into such a prosaic greeting
K19  16 before.
K19  17    |^*'Oh!**' said the little governess, blushing deeply. ^*'Good
K19  18 morning, \0Mr. Crankcroft.**' ^Then she turned to the children. ^*'You
K19  19 may bowl your hoops to the corner and back,**' she told them brightly.
K19  20 ^*'And see which can get back to me first. ^But no cheating, mind!
K19  21 ^Sam, you are not to trip Sukey as you did last time... ^And Sukey,
K19  22 you are not to bowl your hoop into Sam's deliberately...**'
K19  23    |^*'No, Miss Greenwood,**' they cried, and they were off, their
K19  24 small legs flashing down the lane, the little boy's long white
K19  25 trousers not quite as quick as his sister's frilled pantaloons in
K19  26 spite of her long skirts. ^In their absence the little governess
K19  27 turned breathlessly to Hudson.
K19  28    |^*'\0Mr. Crankcroft!**' she said urgently.
K19  29    |^*'Hudson... ^You know we agreed that it should be Hudson,
K19  30 Sophy!**' ^His teasing voice was tender as well.
K19  31    |^*'Hudson then!... ^This is madness. ^I told you not to come here.
K19  32 ^The children will talk and I shall lose my situation, and your father
K19  33 will find out that you are meeting me and he will be furious with you.
K19  34 ^I cannot be the cause of a quarrel between you and your father, and
K19  35 you must not be the cause of my dismissal. ^We must not meet any
K19  36 more.**'
K19  37    |^*'But we are going to meet, and as often as we can.**' ^Hudson's
K19  38 voice was firm. ^*'Sophy... darling, dearest Sophy, I must go on
K19  39 seeing you because I shall die if I don't. ^And you would not like me
K19  40 to die, would you, from such a cause?**'
K19  41    |^He was teasing again, but he was serious, too. ^The children had
K19  42 reached the corner of the lane and were arguing hotly before starting
K19  43 back again, and the little governess caught at his arm.
K19  44    |^*'Don't you see,**' she cried, *'a governess, even in such a
K19  45 kindly household as the one I am in, has no life of her own? ^She must
K19  46 not. ^Her only reason for being in the house is to look after the
K19  47 children and to teach them their lessons.**' ^She glanced back at
K19  48 Horatia, sitting there in the gig in her funereal garments. ^*'Better
K19  49 you should forget me,**' she said gently, *'while there is time.**'
K19  50    |^*'But there isn't time,**' he replied. ^*'Because I have already
K19  51 fallen in love with you, Sophy.**' ^He introduced Horatia to her,
K19  52 stressing the fact that she was a young friend of Lady Wade. ^*'I am
K19  53 afraid I have made her a catspaw this morning,**' he explained. ^*'But
K19  54 you need have no fear of her. ^She is a very kindly catspaw, and I
K19  55 know that if she can she will fish our chestnuts out of the fire for
K19  56 us.**'
K19  57    |^Horatia beamed her approval from the depths of her bonnet, and
K19  58 Sophy gave her a timid little smile. ^But the children were coming
K19  59 back, their hoops racing ahead of them, and she could only implore
K19  60 Hudson to leave her before she met them. ^As they flung themselves
K19  61 upon her she told them they had both won, and neither was an inch
K19  62 before the other, and then she took them away for their walk in the
K19  63 opposite direction, without another glance at her lover.
K19  64    |^Hudson drove back to Regent's park in silence, and Horatia felt
K19  65 sorry for him. ^A hopeless love affair was almost as bad as having
K19  66 coping stones on your head.
K19  67    |^But the March morning was sunny and blustery and the buds were
K19  68 thickening in the trees. ^There was a freshness in the grass, too,
K19  69 promising that April was in the wings waiting for the signal to take
K19  70 the stage, and as they entered the park Hudson asked his companion
K19  71 what she thought of his charmer.
K19  72    |^*'Is she not the loveliest creature you have ever seen?**' he
K19  73 asked. ^He was obviously head over heels in love with his Sophy, and
K19  74 Horatia was able to oblige him by agreeing with him.
K19  75    |^*'She is very pretty,**' she said. ^*'And she looks
K19  76 sweet-tempered and gentle and kind. ^I congratulate you, \0Mr. Hudson.
K19  77 ^Do you intend to marry her?**'
K19  78    |^*'I do indeed. ^I have never met another girl like her, you see,
K19  79 and I do not suppose I shall ever meet such a one again. ^Therefore I
K19  80 dare not let go the chance, and directly I can prevail upon her to do
K19  81 so I shall make her my wife, though I have nothing to offer her except
K19  82 debts. ^We shall have to live on bread and cheese and kisses.**'
K19  83    |^*'I have heard that it is a satisfying diet,**' said Horatia
K19  84 demurely, and he shot a quick glance at her and grinned.
K19  85    |^*'I say,**' he said, *'you know what is in their minds, I
K19  86 suppose? ^Lady Wade and my father, I mean?**'
K19  87    |^*'No.**' ^She looked blank. ^*'How could I?**'
K19  88    |^*'Why, they've got the idea that you and I ought to make a go of
K19  89 it. ^Hadn't you twigged it?**'
K19  90    |^*'But...**' ^Horatia coloured. ^*'That is absurd. ^Why, your
K19  91 father has met me but once in his life!**'
K19  92    |^*'That doesn't matter. ^He would not care if he had never met you
K19  93 at all.**'
K19  94    |^*'Oh, now I understand!**' ^She was mortified. ^*'It's that
K19  95 wretched money again!**'
K19  96    |^*'Quite so. ^That wretched money, as you say. ^Isn't it a
K19  97 peculiar thing that half the world suffers from having no money, and
K19  98 the other half from having too much? ^And of the half that has too
K19  99 much I'd say that half of them again love money and the other half
K19 100 hate it.**'
K19 101    |^Horatia agreed that it was all extremely unfair. ^Here was
K19 102 Hudson, only wanting to marry his pretty Sophy and having no money to
K19 103 do so. ^And there was herself, only wishing to live quietly in the
K19 104 country among horses, without coping stones falling on her head, and
K19 105 being heiress to a fortune that everybody appeared to want, and
K19 106 because they could not get at it without her, suffered her as well.
K19 107 ^It was neither a flattering nor a gratifying prospect.
K19 108    |^*'\0Mr. Hudson,**' she said earnestly, *'I apologize. ^It is the
K19 109 first time you have taken me out, and I promise you that it may be the
K19 110 last.**'
K19 111    |^*'Oh, please don't say that!**' ^He apologized in his turn. ^*'I
K19 112 was clumsy in the way I put it, but I wanted to be frank with you,
K19 113 Miss Horatia, because you are such an honest sort of person that I
K19 114 could not be anything else. ^But, indeed, if you really wish to be my
K19 115 friend, you will accompany me tomorrow, and the next day and the
K19 116 next.**'
K19 117    |^Her mortification left her and she laughed.
K19 118    |^*'And all so that you shall meet your Sophy in her country
K19 119 lane!**'
K19 120    |^*'You've hit it, ma'am.**'
K19 121    |^*'But you will be raising your aunt's hopes and your father's
K19 122 anticipations to a cruel degree.**'
K19 123    |^*'If they are foolish enough to have such hopes and anticipations
K19 124 it is scarcely my affair.**'
K19 125    |^Horatia laughed again.
K19 126    |^*'Well, I cannot say that I approve. ^You must remember that I am
K19 127 taking your aunt's hospitality, and, if your plans go right, on
K19 128 entirely false pretences. ^I will come with you tomorrow, but more
K19 129 than that I cannot promise.**'
K19 130    |^They turned away from Oxford Street towards the British Museum,
K19 131 and presently clattered over the cobbles into Bounty Street, and in
K19 132 front of Number Eleven they were surprised to see a phaeton drawn up*-
K19 133 a very new and expensive phaeton*- with a pair of fine horses in the
K19 134 shafts that Horatia recognised at once.
K19 135    |^*'Why,**' she cried gladly, *'I believe it must be \0Mr. Latimer!
K19 136 ^I'd know that cattle anywhere!**'
K19 137    |^Hudson glanced at her oddly, but he said no more than a mild,
K19 138 ~*'A friend of yours, Miss Pendleton?**' as he pulled in his little
K19 139 mare behind the vastly superior equipage in front of his aunt's door.
K19 140    |^*'He gave us a ride into Brighton in his carriage after the stage
K19 141 had left us stranded in Lewes,**' she explained hastily, and did not
K19 142 wait for the little groom to help her down. ^She put her foot on the
K19 143 wheel and dropped easily to the ground, and came up the steps to
K19 144 Number Eleven just as the front door opened and \0Mr. Latimer himself
K19 145 came out, a look of deep displeasure on his handsome face.
K19 146    |
K19 147    |^Horatia and her escort had been gone about half an hour when old
K19 148 Lady Wade, indulging in her usual occupation of watching her
K19 149 neighbours from behind her parlour curtains, observed a new phaeton
K19 150 turn into the street and stop outside her own front door, and although
K19 151 she did not recognize it or the horses she knew the driver at once.
K19 152    |^She was sharp enough to know that a morning visit in such a brand
K19 153 new carriage*- evidently brought there to impress the sadly
K19 154 inexperienced Miss Pendleton*- would not be paid for the sake of
K19 155 herself: an enquiry and the formal leaving of a card would have been
K19 156 sufficient for her. ^But \0Mr. Latimer had given the reins to his man
K19 157 and was mounting the steps of Number Eleven himself, and she had no
K19 158 doubt that it was the news in the morning's paper that had sent him
K19 159 after Horatia.
K19 160    |^*'Once they know where she is, all the fortune-hunters in London
K19 161 will be after her like flies after bad meat,**' muttered her ladyship,
K19 162 scowling darkly through the curtains at \0Mr. Latimer's broad back,
K19 163 and was in two minds as to whether she would receive him before
K19 164 telling Josiah to show him in.
K19 165    |^If her visitor was disappointed that Horatia was not with her he
K19 166 did not show it.
K19 167    |^*'I came to assure myself that neither your ladyship nor Miss
K19 168 Pendleton were any the worse for your journey last week,**' he said.
K19 169    |^She looked him up and down.
K19 170    |^*'*1I *0took no harm from the journey, thank you,**' she said
K19 171 disagreeably. ^*'But I'm afraid I cannot answer for Miss Pendleton, as
K19 172 she is not here.**'
K19 173    |^He flushed and his eyes glinted with temper, but his voice was
K19 174 controlled and courteous enough as he replied:
K19 175    |^*'Come now, madam, I'm not an emissary from the young lady's
K19 176 uncle, that fire-eating Sussex squire. ^But she is young and
K19 177 inexperienced in the ways of the world, and I wanted to be certain
K19 178 that she is safe and in good hands. ^If she has left your house,
K19 179 perhaps you will be kind enough to tell me where she has gone.**' ^And
K19 180 without being asked, he sat himself down as if the whole day was
K19 181 before him.
K19 182    |^Her ladyship was alarmed. ^She did not wish him to be there when
K19 183 Horatia returned; she thought quickly and she thought hard and then
K19 184 she said sharply:
K19 185    |^*'I can relieve your mind on that score then, \0Mr. Latimer.
K19 186 ^Miss Pendleton is still with me. ^When I said she was not here I
K19 187 meant to say that she was not in the house: she went out for a drive
K19 188 with my nephew in his new gig.**' ^And here she glanced out of the
K19 189 window at the phaeton as if to say that *1he *0was not the only man to
K19 190 have a new carriage that morning. ^*'She was looking a thought pale*-
K19 191 the effect of the London air, I daresay, after the country.**' ^She
K19 192 gave a shrill cackle of laughter which the parrot behind her echoed
K19 193 with great veracity.
K19 194 *# 2014
K20   1 **[394 TEXT K20**]
K20   2    |^*0*"What!**" he cried, like a man astonished, *"have you loved me
K20   3 and I been so inconsiderate as to make myself unworthy of your
K20   4 love?**"
K20   5    |^*"Did my eyes never tell you what I looked for in yours?**"
K20   6    |^*"I never had the boldness,**" he answered, *"to make any such
K20   7 construction of your looks.**"
K20   8    |^*"Your fear was the effect of indifference,**" I said, *"still,
K20   9 no more of what is past. ^Tell me now; can you love me?**"
K20  10    |^*"Rather ask me, Ma'm,**" he confessed, *"if all the affection of
K20  11 my soul can merit your love? ^And whether the Earl of Leicester, whom
K20  12 you design to make the happiest man on Earth, shall not carry the day
K20  13 from me.**"
K20  14    |^*"The Earl of Leicester,**" I explained hastily, *"was but a
K20  15 pretence to make you speak; I told you then the thoughts I truly had
K20  16 of you. ^My trouble was not small, both in your absence and since your
K20  17 return; but all is now forgotten.**"
K20  18    |^He answered me with some disorder which I imagined the effect of
K20  19 sudden joy. ^I thought it time to be no longer scrupulous, that it was
K20  20 in vain to have any reserve when I had said so much.
K20  21    |^*"I will not let you go under any uncertainty,**" I proceeded,
K20  22 *"but to convince you clearly of the truth of what I've said take this
K20  23 ring, as the highest mark of my favour. ^Keep it as a pledge of my
K20  24 love, which I charge you to preserve, and on that condition I promise
K20  25 never to deny you anything you shall desire when you shew it; though
K20  26 it cost me my life!**"
K20  27    |^His joy at receiving the ring was in appearance extraordinary and
K20  28 unparalleled, and attended with promises of as high a nature.
K20  29    |^He left for Ireland in a few days leaving me fully persuaded his
K20  30 thoughts were wholly taken up with me. ^But he had scarce advanced
K20  31 upon the rebels than he was charged with all the crimes that brought
K20  32 about his imprisonment, together with that of the Earl of Southampton.
K20  33 ^Then it was I began to repent I had not given ear to the wholesome
K20  34 advice Cecil would have given me concerning the secret conduct of the
K20  35 Earl of Essex. ^In a word, while my thoughts were wholly employed to
K20  36 make his fortune he was plotting with the Earl of Tyrone to surprise
K20  37 and make me prisoner!
K20  38    |^You know the rest: his obstinate resistance, his want of respect
K20  39 for my orders, his imprisoning my ministers, his murdering my
K20  40 soldiers, and his intolerable pride in all his misfortune.
K20  41    |^So ended the Queen's confession, which having called fresh to her
K20  42 mind all that had passed between her and Essex made her more troubled
K20  43 than ever.
K20  44    |^The Countess of Nottingham had listened with keen interest, for
K20  45 she, as well as the Queen, had been in love with the Earl of Essex!
K20  46 ^But newly understanding the reason for his coldness it added
K20  47 infinitely to her former resentment.
K20  48    |^She had no mind to condemn the Queen's weakness knowing herself
K20  49 guilty of the like, nor was she inclined to speak in favour of a man
K20  50 who had grown so much the more odious to her as she had formerly loved
K20  51 him. ^She thought it sufficient to comfort the Queen with words that
K20  52 seemed to proceed only from loyalty, when in truth her thoughts were
K20  53 wholly bent for the ruin of an ungrateful lover, who, in her eyes
K20  54 deserved nothing but hatred.
K20  55    |^Though the Earl of Essex did not fall for the Countess of
K20  56 Nottingham, yet another was her admirer, whose character did in a way
K20  57 make her amends. ^It was Secretary Cecil, who, amidst his great
K20  58 offices and the gravity that became them, discovered in the beauty,
K20  59 ingenuity, and personal charm of the Countess of Nottingham an
K20  60 attraction that made him capable of strong feelings for her. ^This was
K20  61 heightened by their mutual hatred of Essex, Cecil having always looked
K20  62 upon him as an invincible obstacle to his ambitious pretentions,
K20  63 whilst the Countess had against him all the rage of an aversion that
K20  64 usually succeeds rejected love.
K20  65    |^They were glad of the imprisonment of the Earl of Essex, but the
K20  66 favourable inclinations the Queen expressed alarmed them.
K20  67    |^The Countess had no sooner taken leave of the Queen than she gave
K20  68 Cecil an account of all she had learnt.
K20  69    |^Having considered the consequences they concluded it necessary,
K20  70 while their sovereign pined secretly for the prisoner, that ways
K20  71 should be found, without their appearing conspicuous, to take away the
K20  72 mercy which love might well inspire her with.
K20  73    |^Cecil, for the first step, pressed the Queen to bring Essex to
K20  74 trial, and caused certain news of his death to be spread throughout
K20  75 England.
K20  76    |^Essex, meantime, was busied with thoughts of more weight than
K20  77 those of his life. ^He knew well enough the Queen loved him, also that
K20  78 he had deceived her, and that she might with a great deal of justice,
K20  79 not only reproach but condemn him.
K20  80    |^The Queen had not seen him since his departure for Ireland, but
K20  81 not having the power to give him up to his ill-fortune she resolved to
K20  82 go to his house, where he was prisoner, to reproach him as he deserved
K20  83 and endeavour if possible to find him innocent.
K20  84    |^It was not far from Whitehall to Essex House, and the Queen so
K20  85 arranged the matter that no notice was taken of the visit, having been
K20  86 introduced by her confidants. ^Essex was very surprised at the arrival
K20  87 of the Queen, and the languishing condition she was in made her weak
K20  88 in his presence. ^All was in his favour, the victory seemed easy. ^He
K20  89 addressed her with the utmost respect, but upon doing so she broke
K20  90 down, crying bitterly for some minutes.
K20  91    |^*"Well, Robert,**" she began, after a pause, *"you see what I do
K20  92 for you, notwithstanding all the crimes I can reproach you with. ^I
K20  93 have come with a design to hear you, to see if you have anything to
K20  94 say to justify yourself. ^I have loved you too well, and wish it above
K20  95 all things; but I would that Heaven were pleased your justification
K20  96 might be realised even by the most precious thing in my power!**"
K20  97    |^*"My greatest crime is that I thought myself too secure, Ma'm,**"
K20  98 replied the Earl, desperately.
K20  99    |^*"Had you rested there!**" said the Queen, *"I should have been
K20 100 too well satisfied. ^But to believe yourself secure, was it necessary
K20 101 you should betray me? ^And did you have need to use violence, to make
K20 102 yourself master of a fortune I was willing to share? ^What reason had
K20 103 you to seek protection from the Kings of Scotland and Spain? ^Did any
K20 104 interest force you to correspond with Tyrone? ^And was it for the
K20 105 safety of my person you designed to make me your prisoner, and his?
K20 106    |^All you have done since to my subjects, against my orders; are
K20 107 these the expressions of your respect? ^Is it by this murder and
K20 108 treason that you shew your devotion to me and the public? ^Or is all
K20 109 we have seen and heard of you but an illusion?**"
K20 110    |^*"Yes, Ma'm,**" he said, *"those accusations of treason and evil
K20 111 design have run me upon the desperate resistance I made. ^You have
K20 112 been pleased to heap favours upon me, and I too proud of what I so
K20 113 little deserved flattered myself with the expectation of a thousand
K20 114 pleasures, which you had not forbid me to hope for. ^This let loose
K20 115 the envy and jealousy of others against my good fortune. ^They abused
K20 116 your Majesty with misinformation and I had the misfortune to be
K20 117 assured you had ordered my arrest, although my innocence would have
K20 118 persuaded me to the contrary. ^I confess, I was enraged to see my
K20 119 enemies gloat over my downfall, being abandoned by your Majesty and on
K20 120 the point of suffering, perhaps, a shameful death. ^I thought it
K20 121 neither good for my reputation, nor your Majesty's honour, that I
K20 122 should die as a criminal. ^This forced me to those ends they reproach
K20 123 me with and the resolution I took to go out of England in hopes to
K20 124 confound my accusers. ^But I found all ways of escape closed, and must
K20 125 acknowledge that in so desperate a condition I took revenge on your
K20 126 ministers. ^They, Ma'm, and only they, were the object of the
K20 127 rebellion I am charged with. ^My design was that those who had so
K20 128 industriously laboured to make me appear guilty should do me right in
K20 129 declaring my innocence, and permit me to lay it, and my life, at your
K20 130 Majesty's feet. ^I never doubted that your Majesty would have done me
K20 131 the honour of a fair hearing. ^And that by a clear discovery of the
K20 132 truth I should have certainly frustrated them. ^But their malice has
K20 133 had success: to see me a prisoner, hated by my sovereign, despised by
K20 134 the world, and made a sacrifice to their rage. ^And now, what remains,
K20 135 that I receive the sentence of death pronounced by them, and see
K20 136 Cobham, Cecil, Raleigh, and their fellows, share the favours you
K20 137 honoured me with?**"
K20 138    |^*"Be assured I do not hate you,**" said the Queen, interrupting
K20 139 him, *"but shall I believe you? ^Yet should I not believe? ^Can I give
K20 140 you up to your ill fate?**"
K20 141    |^*"I shall never murmur against your Majesty's orders,**" replied
K20 142 the Earl, *"but submit to them readily whatever they may be.**"
K20 143    |^The Earl of Essex knew the weak side of the Queen, and easily
K20 144 revived in her that love he had formerly inspired her with.
K20 145    |^*"No,**" she said, having paused a while, *"you shall not die.
K20 146 ^Make use of your advantage, triumph over a heart whose inclinations
K20 147 you very well know. ^I will believe your intentions less criminal than
K20 148 they appear, but, Robert, I warn you by that love of which you have
K20 149 particular experience that you give me no cause to repent of it.
K20 150 ^Trouble not yourself for your reputation and honour I will take care
K20 151 to repair it, and before two days be over I will restore you to the
K20 152 highest place you ever held.**"
K20 153    |^Essex, overcome with joy by the success of this meeting, affected
K20 154 the Queen so much that he restored her spirits to perfect tranquility.
K20 155 ^At parting she promised to call the Council on the following day,
K20 156 and, in an ostentatious manner, declare him innocent.
K20 157    |^As soon as it was daylight, she sent for Cecil; the Countess of
K20 158 Nottingham attended her. ^Having told them in a few words of a great
K20 159 conflict between her Justice and her Mercy, she concluded for the
K20 160 latter, and ordered Cecil to summon the Council that she might declare
K20 161 to them the design she had to set Essex at liberty, assuring him she
K20 162 had invincible reasons for doing so. ^This was a mortal blow to the
K20 163 ambitious Cecil and the Countess of Nottingham; they looked at one
K20 164 another perplexed, as if they would have asked each others **[SIC**]
K20 165 advice on what course was to be taken. ^Afterwards they spoke to the
K20 166 Queen in hopes to divert her, but she was inflexible; Cecil was forced
K20 167 to order an Extraordinary Meeting of the Council.
K20 168    |^But while the Earl of Essex's enemies thought his good fortune on
K20 169 the point of being reconciled to him chance laboured for them with
K20 170 unexpected success.
K20 171    |^As the Queen was going to Council word was brought that the
K20 172 Countess of Rutland desired an audience. ^The Queen blushed as she
K20 173 remembered what was past, and looking on the request as unreasonable
K20 174 and unlucky she was minded to put off the Countess to another time.
K20 175 ^But considering that she never denied any person access, and that the
K20 176 Countess of Rutland was a Lady of the highest repute, she commanded
K20 177 her to be admitted.
K20 178    |^Though her face was sad, her dress and gait very careless, yet
K20 179 her beauty was outstanding. ^Moving forward she threw herself at the
K20 180 Queen's feet.
K20 181    |^*"Madam,**" she cried, *"I come to implore your Majesty's
K20 182 goodness for the unfortunate Earl of Essex!**"
K20 183    |^*"For the Earl of Essex?**"
K20 184 *# 2000
K21   1 **[395 TEXT K21**]
K21   2 *<*2JOE JOE'S NOTICE-BOARD*>
K21   3 *<BY {0B. A.} M*0c*2PHEE*>
K21   4    |^*"{*1Un paquete de cigarillos, seno*?2r}*0,**" said the man
K21   5 with the small cloth cap, the white arms and the cheery tourist smile.
K21   6    |^*"You mean a packet of cigarettes,**" Joe Joe replied in English,
K21   7 first regretting his abruptness, then on instant reflection not
K21   8 regretting it but thinking that perhaps he should have been even more
K21   9 curt. ^These tourists were trying on one's patience at times, with
K21  10 their vague ill-pronounced Spanish and their standard benign smiles.
K21  11    |^Joe Joe had once thought of putting up a notice reading ~*'*2A
K21  12 LITTLE ENGLISH SPOKEN HERE.**' ^*0He had actually obtained the board,
K21  13 and his friend Jose*?2 Puerette*?2 had gallantly volunteered to paint
K21  14 it for him free of cost. ^They had set to work early one evening,
K21  15 Jose*?2 with a large tin of purple paint, which he said he'd found on
K21  16 the wharf, and a strong brush borrowed from Carlo Berrano, the owner
K21  17 of the only hardware shop in Pasto Del Sol. ^However, the word
K21  18 *'*2SPOKEN**' *0had presented an unsurmountable problem. ^Joe Joe had
K21  19 to admit that the spelling of the word was beyond him, and he knew no
K21  20 one that night who could help him in any way. ^So the work had stopped
K21  21 there; for Jose*?2 had to get the paint back to the wharf before
K21  22 morning, in case, as he said, *"the person who owns it wants to use
K21  23 it.**"
K21  24    |^In point of fact, Joe Joe was glad that the notice-board had
K21  25 never been completed and that it was instead cast into the back of his
K21  26 shop with the empty wine-bottles and the vegetable-bags*- dust-covered
K21  27 and useless. ^He had discussed the matter at length with Seno*?2r
K21  28 Juarez, who had once been on the town council and who was able (so it
K21  29 was said) to combine aesthetic appreciation with a fine business
K21  30 brain*- a rare quality in any man. ^It was also widely known that
K21  31 Seno*?2r Juarez had composed a poem, and a few close friends of his
K21  32 had heard this poem recited, but only after a lot of persuasion on
K21  33 their part and a lot of \*1vinos *0on the part of Seno*?2r Juarez.
K21  34 ^Seno*?2r Juarez had advised that it was unsound practice to deprive a
K21  35 tourist of the pleasure of trying to speak a little Spanish. ^He had
K21  36 been told once, he said, that some English tourists took courses in
K21  37 Spanish especially for their annual holidays, and these people must be
K21  38 humoured and encouraged to use this knowledge of which they were
K21  39 secretly very proud. ^If they weren't pampered in this way they could
K21  40 find no justification for a fortnight's idleness in the sun, and
K21  41 indeed their main sense of purpose was destroyed*- they thereby
K21  42 suffered a slump in morale and concluded that Pasto Del Sol was an
K21  43 ungrateful place and would determine to go to Italy for their holidays
K21  44 next year.
K21  45    |^Although Joe Joe could not understand all of what Seno*?2r Juarez
K21  46 had said, there was no doubt that one should accept the advice of an
K21  47 experienced and educated man, and especially one who had been on the
K21  48 town council and had written a poem.
K21  49    |^Life was difficult, Joe Joe reflected. ^Seno*?2r Juarez was not
K21  50 afflicted with a temper such as his, nor did he run a little shop
K21  51 which, during the summer, was often filled with tourist people who all
K21  52 smiled at you widely in the same tourist way, and expected you to
K21  53 smile widely back at them in such a manner as to indicate that you
K21  54 were pleased that they had smiled at you.
K21  55    |^Joe Joe made up his mind to see Father Brenes at the little
K21  56 church on the hill about his problem. ^It wasn't that he liked
K21  57 burdening Father Brenes with his minor worries, but the good and kind
K21  58 Father had assisted him once before about the same thing, and hadn't
K21  59 he said, ^*"If this occurs again, Joe Joe, then please come to see me:
K21  60 I'm always ready to see one of our little flock.**" ^That was the time
K21  61 his wife Maria had called him an *'under-grown donkey**' and after,
K21  62 when he had restrained himself from saying anything in reply, she had
K21  63 thrown a melon at him, and this when his back was turned and he was
K21  64 looking out of the window for guidance.
K21  65    |^Then he had all but lost his temper. ^As he said to Father Brenes
K21  66 at the time, ^*"I nearly swore at her, Father. ^It was only by
K21  67 clasping the window-sill and clenching my teeth that I saved myself
K21  68 from uttering a blasphemous word.**"
K21  69    |^*"You did right, my son,**" Father Brenes had said. ^*"You did
K21  70 right to clench your teeth and clasp the window-sill and utter not a
K21  71 word. ^But you were wrong in even contemplating using such a word,
K21  72 because the proper Christian attitude is one of patience, tolerance
K21  73 and understanding, and two wrongs don't make a right.**"
K21  74    |^So now he hoped that he would not feel any similar temptations,
K21  75 but it would be especially difficult if Maria threw another melon at
K21  76 him when his back was turned.
K21  77    |^*"...And two boxes of matches,**" the white-armed tourist
K21  78 continued, the laughter having gone from his voice. ^Joe Joe cut a
K21  79 piece of brown paper with the large wooden-handled all-purpose knife,
K21  80 wrapped up the cigarettes and matches and handed them to the now
K21  81 somewhat disinterested customer.
K21  82    |^*"\*1Gracias*0,**" acknowledged the white-armed one, a suggestion
K21  83 of a smile returning to his lips.
K21  84    |^*"\*1Adios, \seno*?2r*0,**" Joe Joe said.
K21  85    |^Maria called down the steps that descended to the shop from the
K21  86 two rooms above, which formed their little home.
K21  87    |^*"Joe Joe,**" she shouted, *"when are you going to close the shop
K21  88 and clean the fish which are making my kitchen smell like a
K21  89 fish-shop?**"
K21  90    |^*"I am going to close the shop now, Maria,**" he answered
K21  91 resignedly, *"and I will then clean the fish which are making your
K21  92 kitchen smell like a fish-shop.**"
K21  93    |^Maria was sitting in her usual position in a heavy and ornately
K21  94 designed wooden chair given to her by her mother at the time of her
K21  95 marriage to Joe Joe. ^Since then it had occupied a large area of the
K21  96 small kitchen. ^She had an almost irritating habit of shuffling her
K21  97 feet on the bare boards as she sat and sewed. ^She was carefully
K21  98 embroidering a lace handkerchief, as she had been doing for six weeks
K21  99 now.
K21 100    |^*"I can't smell anything,**" Joe Joe commented as he came up the
K21 101 stairs sniffing loudly.
K21 102    |^*"It's all right for you,**" his wife replied sharply, *"down in
K21 103 that shop all day while I'm stuck here with two uncleaned fish for
K21 104 company.**"
K21 105    |^Joe Joe nearly said, ~*'Why didn't you clean them yourself, by
K21 106 Saint Christopher?**' but remembered Father Brenes and instead picked
K21 107 up the fish and began scaling them with the all-purpose knife.
K21 108    |^He glanced over at Maria as she sat there in her formidable
K21 109 high-backed chair with her six-weeks' lace handkerchief on her knee,
K21 110 and as he put one fish down and picked up another, his mind drifted
K21 111 back to the night, many years ago, when he and Maria had together sat
K21 112 on the little pebbly beach that adjoins the beach of Pasto Del Sol.
K21 113 ^He and Maria had been courting then. ^She had stolen away from her
K21 114 Mama (a significant woman) to meet him below the cliff-face at the far
K21 115 end of the bay. ^Together they had sat throwing hard, round pebbles
K21 116 into the dark waters, and there was a moon that was not a full moon
K21 117 but was nevertheless the finest moon that Joe Joe had seen up until
K21 118 then.
K21 119    |^Maria had long black hair when she was young. ^It reached down
K21 120 her back in a broad sweep. ^It was her pride and joy, and the pride
K21 121 and joy of her Mama, and the talk of the lads at the Market Square on
K21 122 Saturday nights. ^Her eyes were deep and dark, and her waist one of
K21 123 the slimmest in the village. ^It was possible to wind the cane band at
K21 124 the top of a lobster-pot round it with ease.
K21 125    |^That night he had trembled. ^Trembled at the calm, dark waters,
K21 126 the moon and the pebbly beach. ^Trembled when he touched her long warm
K21 127 fingers and heard her soft low pebbly-beach voice. ^Then he had kissed
K21 128 her red lips, once, clumsily but strongly. ^The night had been still
K21 129 and silent and even the waves slumbered.
K21 130    |^He had said to her, as they sat there mute together, ~*"Maria, my
K21 131 lovely Maria, I want you to marry me,**" and she'd replied with a
K21 132 spontaneity which amazed him.
K21 133    |^*"I will, Joe Joe, my darling little Joe Joe, but we must wait
K21 134 until your father lets you have his shop for yourself and then we may
K21 135 make our home in the two rooms above the little shop. ^It is best Joe
K21 136 Joe, and Mama would think so too.**"
K21 137    |^Joe Joe had been so elated and the months succeeding had been so
K21 138 blissful that he had become less and less aware of Maria's four large
K21 139 front teeth, which protruded from her mouth very sharply, and which
K21 140 also were the talk of the lads at the Market Square on Saturday
K21 141 nights.
K21 142    |^Now the ebony black hair was discoloured with grey strands and
K21 143 tied in a tight and severe bun. ^Her eyes were still deep and dark it
K21 144 was true, and flashed, it was also true, but somehow in a different
K21 145 way. ^Now it would be impossible to wind around her waist even the
K21 146 lowest band of a lobster-pot, and the voice of the pebbly beach was no
K21 147 more.
K21 148    |^Joe Joe finished getting the fish washed and laid them neatly on
K21 149 a large flat plate. ^He cleaned the all-purpose knife with the long
K21 150 wooden handle and put it away carefully. ^Taking up his sombrero and
K21 151 with a quick ~*"\*1Adios*0**" to Maria, who did not take her eyes from
K21 152 her sewing (for strict concentration was required), he walked out of
K21 153 the door with his hands deep in his pockets. ^It was Joe Joe's custom
K21 154 to keep his hands in his pockets on the way to the Cafe*?2 Del Costa,
K21 155 since he could count the coins he had there as he walked along and
K21 156 thereby gauge the number of cognacs he would be able to purchase.
K21 157    |^At the cafe*?2 he met his friend Jose*?2 Puerette*?2, as he did
K21 158 every evening, and the two friends shook hands warmly and sat at their
K21 159 usual place at a table in the corner.
K21 160    |^*"Well, Joe Joe, my friend,**" Jose*?2 said; *"the fish were not
K21 161 biting today, but the water was calm and the sun was hot and my
K21 162 brother and I were not greatly disappointed.**"
K21 163    |^Jose*?2 and his brother were the joint-owners of a fishing-boat
K21 164 which, laden with nets, set off from the beach every morning just as
K21 165 the sun peeped over the mountains at the back of Pasto Del Sol, in an
K21 166 almost fruitless search for fish.
K21 167    |^It was said (allegedly by rivals) that the Puerette*?2 brothers,
K21 168 who had not been fishermen for long, lacked the native instinct of the
K21 169 others whose fathers and whose fathers before them were fishermen of
K21 170 the bay, and that this accounted for their singular lack of success in
K21 171 obtaining hauls. ^Others said that they spent too much time in siesta
K21 172 and that they would pull round one of the rocky inlets to the north of
K21 173 the bay and anchor there, sleeping, munching bread and drinking wine.
K21 174    |^Joe Joe did not really believe this latter story which he
K21 175 suspected was invented by Jose*?2's wife, a hardworking but mean woman
K21 176 with sharp cheek-bones. ^In fact, Jose*?2 was a resourceful and
K21 177 practical person who, one afternoon when the boat had started to fill
K21 178 up with water from a large leak, had calmly awakened his brother and
K21 179 then had swum ashore to enlist help, leaving his brother to tread
K21 180 water so as to mark the spot where the boat had sunk. ^With the aid of
K21 181 other boats the craft had been brought to the surface and towed
K21 182 ashore, and Jose*?2 had that night accepted many congratulationary
K21 183 cognacs proffered him by those who admired his quick thinking and
K21 184 coolness in a crisis.
K21 185 *# 2013
K22   1 **[396 TEXT K22**]
K22   2 *<*4Never speak to strange men*>
K22   3 *<*6BY DIANA ATHILL*>
K22   4    |^*0Conversation, as Oscar Wilde might almost have said, is the
K22   5 easy art of losing friends and alienating people; if you've ever been
K22   6 inescapably bound by the threads of conversation of two such gentleman
K22   7 as \0Mr. Ball and \0Mr. Baring, you're likely to agree. ^If you
K22   8 haven't, take warning and plan an escape route in advance.
K22   9    |
K22  10    |^*6T*2HERE *0are often too few chairs on steamers which visit
K22  11 Adriatic islands, and those few are shackled together, to be queued
K22  12 for until a morose sailor consents to unlock them. ^This gives them
K22  13 rarity value. ^Uncomfortable though they are, it seems a privilege to
K22  14 have one, even if you would rather be leaning on the rail. ^So if two
K22  15 men insist on giving up their hard-won deck-chairs to two women, it
K22  16 would be ungracious of the women to refuse.
K22  17    |^That was how I and my cousin Laura met \0Mr. Ball and \0Mr.
K22  18 Baring.
K22  19    |^They came from Oldham, had been visiting a Trade Fair, and were
K22  20 now on a spree, intending to spend one night in the town for which we
K22  21 were bound. ^\0Mr. Ball, who boomed and had three strands of hair
K22  22 trained across his skull, was about fifty-five. ^\0Mr. Baring, who
K22  23 whispered and wore \6*1pince-nez, *0was seventy if he was a day. ^They
K22  24 were probably the kindest men we shall ever meet and they were both
K22  25 mines of information on draught-proof floor coverings and plastic
K22  26 paints.
K22  27    |^\0Mr. Ball was also widely travelled and had brought back from
K22  28 Malaya, Peru, Queensland, and the Friendly Islands an astonishing
K22  29 collection of statistics concerning measurements. ^He could*- and
K22  30 did*- describe how high, wide, deep, thick and heavy was any object
K22  31 you might like to name in any of those places.
K22  32    |^\0Mr. Baring was less enterprising. ^This Trade Fair had been his
K22  33 first journey abroad and his preoccupations were chiefly dietary.
K22  34    |^By the end of the first morning Laura, who has less sense of
K22  35 social obligation than I have, had sidled out of her deck chair and
K22  36 was sitting on a hatch beside a medical student with a guitar. ^I was
K22  37 still stuck, and trying to view the experiences as a salutary
K22  38 discipline. ^I hope that Laura and I travel to see new places and
K22  39 enjoy new beauties in nature and art, but it is true that when we have
K22  40 encounters we like them to be worth having. ^The encounters I had
K22  41 imagined for this journey were certainly remote from \0Mr. Ball and
K22  42 \0Mr. Baring in everything but sex (if, in this context, you could
K22  43 call it that), but I reminded myself of how kind they were and I told
K22  44 myself that anyway it would be over when we reached our destination.
K22  45    |^That was the first day. ^On the second I was beyond thought. ^I
K22  46 was not suffering, but I had become numb in all my faculties ... a
K22  47 point of boredom I had never reached before. ^When lunch came round
K22  48 again it seemed to be by immemorial custom that I was listening, as I
K22  49 ate, to an account of the exact dimensions of \0Mr. Ball's verandah in
K22  50 Kuala Lumpur (some eighteen inches longer than his verandah in Lima),
K22  51 and the weight of the largest and the smallest sweet potato he had
K22  52 ever eaten.
K22  53    |^Meanwhile, as inertia crept up on me, the venerable \0Mr. Baring
K22  54 was becoming more lively. ^At first he had been slightly oppressed by
K22  55 his companion's sophistication, but when the talk turned to food he
K22  56 perked up to the extent of telling me which breakfast cereals his
K22  57 grandchildren preferred.
K22  58    |^The journey ended that evening. ^As the gang-plank went down,
K22  59 \0Mr. Ball said to me, ^*"I suppose you have a room booked?**"
K22  60    |^*"No,**" I said, without thinking. ^*"We'll get an address from
K22  61 the tourist office.**"
K22  62    |^*"You're in luck!**" exclaimed \0Mr. Ball. ^*"Look what I've got.
K22  63 ^A letter from the tourist chief in the capital to his man here,
K22  64 telling him to look after us. ^You just stick with us and you'll be
K22  65 all right.**"
K22  66    |^Laura began to edge backwards against the surge towards the
K22  67 gangway. ^I began to babble about being a nuisance*- but it was too
K22  68 late. ^The porters had been unleashed, \0Mr. Ball had caught one and
K22  69 handed over our baggage as well as his own, and there we were on the
K22  70 quay with our benevolent friends, obviously *"together.**" ^Other
K22  71 people were borne off in large numbers towards adventure. ^Laura and I
K22  72 (not, I suspected unhappily, on speaking terms) got meekly into a taxi
K22  73 with \0Mr. Ball and \0Mr. Baring, the last traces of our initiative
K22  74 vanishing as we did so.
K22  75    |^We were visiting a small, thickly walled and lovely town with
K22  76 straggling outskirts. ^The straggle was long and thin*- the mountains
K22  77 came too close for it to spread backwards*- and unless you were
K22  78 careful, we knew, you could find yourself staying some way from the
K22  79 old town. ^We had hoped to find rooms within the walls, or only just
K22  80 outside, and before \0Mr. Ball got to work on the tourist chief we
K22  81 said as much.
K22  82    |^*"Oh no,**" he said, shocked. ^*"You wouldn't like that. ^You
K22  83 wouldn't like the noise.**"
K22  84    |^*"But cars aren't allowed inside,**" I pointed out.
K22  85    |^*"It isn't cars. ^It's the talking and the music*- they go on all
K22  86 night in these places. ^And besides*- the drains. ^We'll find a nice,
K22  87 clean, modern place, don't you worry.**"
K22  88    |^We were not worrying, we were panicking, but I was still numb and
K22  89 Laura was speechless with rage. ^We could not think of words that
K22  90 would not have been rude and wounding to this kind, kind man. ^So
K22  91 before long \0Mr. Ball, \0Mr. Baring, Laura and I were being welcomed
K22  92 to an eminently respectable, exquisitely clean, comfortable, modern
K22  93 house, a good half-hour's *1walk *0(the trams did not go that way)
K22  94 outside the walls. ^And then, before the night was out, the rains
K22  95 came.
K22  96    |^It rained and blew for five days without stopping. ^Since it was
K22  97 August, widely advertised as the Adriatic's most benign month, we had
K22  98 not stopped at bringing no raincoats and no umbrellas: we had brought
K22  99 no coats and no sensible shoes either.
K22 100    |^Had we been staying in the town itself we could each day have
K22 101 darted across into the City Cafe*?2 where it was possible to live a
K22 102 full life for hours on end without setting foot out of doors; we
K22 103 should have had a choice of eating places within a few yards; we could
K22 104 have danced every evening.
K22 105    |^As it was, on the rare occasions when the rain diminished to a
K22 106 drizzle we would hurry out in an attempt to reach the town before we
K22 107 were drenched. ^Once or twice we did reach the town*- but never before
K22 108 we were drenched, and about the only amenity not provided by the City
K22 109 Cafe*?2 was a drying room.
K22 110    |^All this, as an act of God, might have been borne. ^The truly
K22 111 testing aspect of the situation was that no aeroplane could take off
K22 112 from the airfield, and \0Mr. Ball and \0Mr. Baring had planned to
K22 113 return to their Fair, after only one night, by air.
K22 114    |^The local inhabitants, anxious for their district's reputation
K22 115 for clemency, had decided that the best thing to do about all this
K22 116 rain was to belittle it. ^Yes, of course, they said every morning at
K22 117 the airline office, ^*"It will stop tonight, planes will certainly be
K22 118 leaving tomorrow.**" ^So our friends did not change their plans and go
K22 119 by boat. ^No. ^They were immured with us in that spotless house for
K22 120 five of the longest days I have ever lived through.
K22 121    |^We expected them to be fretful at this grave hitch in their
K22 122 plans, but they did not seem to mind it. ^\0Mr. Ball had known far
K22 123 longer and*- incredible as it seemed*- duller delays on savannah and
K22 124 prairie, about which he now had time to tell us in detail, while \0Mr.
K22 125 Baring, though gently distressed at first, in the end found his
K22 126 imprisonment positively rewarding. ^To begin with, his digestion was
K22 127 upset, and this led him to the discovery of yoghourt: a discovery
K22 128 which he was clearly going to recall throughout his declining years as
K22 129 an important event; though perhaps not always at half-hourly
K22 130 intervals, as he did at the time.
K22 131    |^However long we stayed in bed every day, we had to get up at
K22 132 last*- and there they would be, cheerful and kind, ready for talk and
K22 133 paper-games involving arithmetic of which, it turned out, the
K22 134 resourceful \0Mr. Ball knew a great many. ^When they said charming
K22 135 things to us*- how grateful they were for our company, how pleased to
K22 136 have found us such a nice house*- we could not meet their eyes.
K22 137    |^\0Mr. Baring sometimes made it worse by taking us aside and
K22 138 whispering that if we wished to go out and enjoy ourselves, to escape
K22 139 from two old fogeys, we must not hesitate to do so. ^Conscious of our
K22 140 bilious rage, suppressed, we feared so badly, we were driven by guilt
K22 141 (not to mention the rain) to effusive protests. ^Good heavens no, what
K22 142 nonsense, we would say, and settle down to another paper game.
K22 143    |^The climax of each day came at dinner time. ^We might have been
K22 144 listening to wild music, we might have been dancing, we might have
K22 145 been meeting young men with bold, flashing eyes; and instead, because
K22 146 our landlady served no meals, we would splash across to the next-door
K22 147 \6*1pension *0under umbrellas held by \0Mr. Ball and \0Mr. Baring,
K22 148 there to eat {6*1Wiener schnitzel} *0at a long table with seven
K22 149 middle-aged married couples from Wuppertal.
K22 150    |^Relief came on the sixth day. ^Having learned that bits of purple
K22 151 storm cloud look deceptively like blue sky when seen through the
K22 152 chinks in shutters, we had not bothered to consult the sky. ^The first
K22 153 we knew of the weather's change was when \0Mr. Ball knocked on our
K22 154 door and told us that a taxi had come to take them to the airport.
K22 155    |^*"Well, young ladies,**" he said, *"we have shared an interesting
K22 156 experience. ^The rainfall in these last five days has been half as
K22 157 much again as the average for the four months June to September,
K22 158 inclusive.**"
K22 159    |^As the taxi bumped away we collapsed on our beds and exchanged
K22 160 the first look we had dared to give each other since our arrival. ^We
K22 161 still had five more days in this legendary place.
K22 162    |^*"We'll move this morning,**" said Laura. ^*"We'll move right
K22 163 into the very middle of the town and we'll find a room above a cafe*?2
K22 164 which has music, looking on to the market place.**"
K22 165    |^*"And what's more,**" said I, *"we'll hardly ever be in it. ^I'm
K22 166 only going to stop swimming in order to eat, and stop eating in order
K22 167 to talk, and stop talking in order to dance.**"
K22 168    |^But as we spoke our landlady came in. ^She carried a tray on
K22 169 which were two little glasses of cherry brandy and two big slices of
K22 170 home-made sponge cake. ^*"{3Sun, yes?}**" she said. ^*"{3I am so
K22 171 'appy for you,}**" and she beamed with pleasure. ^Not only was she
K22 172 the mistress of a respectable, clean, modern house, but she, too,
K22 173 was*- oh ominous word*- as kind as kind can be. ^How could we possibly
K22 174 run out on anyone so admirable, for no definite reason?
K22 175    |^Thus, though our holiday had begun at last, we were still under
K22 176 the wing of \0Mr. Ball and \0Mr. Baring. ^Try as we might, no harm was
K22 177 going to come to us. ^In the small hours of each day left to us, after
K22 178 some nineteen hours of sight-seeing, swimming, talking, drinking, and
K22 179 dancing, we still had to leave those bewitching noisy streets; we
K22 180 still had to trudge for half an hour back to our eminently respectable
K22 181 lodgings. ^And so respectable were they that once we had reached the
K22 182 door our escorts*- those, that is, who were stalwart enough still to
K22 183 be with us*- never dreamed of doing anything more than shake our
K22 184 hands.
K22 185 **[BEGINNING OF NEW STORY**]
K22 186    |^*4Here, in this country village, she had spent her childhood.
K22 187 ^Here she had first been in love.
K22 188 *# 2004
K23   1 **[397 TEXT K23**]
K23   2    |^*0The white people seized on the slightest word, Nature took the
K23   3 lightest footfall, with fanatical seriousness. ^The English nurses
K23   4 discovered that they could not sit next a man at dinner and be
K23   5 agreeable*- perhaps asking him, so as to slice up the boredom, to tell
K23   6 them all the story of his life*- without his taking it for a great
K23   7 flirtation and turning up next day after breakfast for the love
K23   8 affair; it was a place where there was never a breath of breeze except
K23   9 in the season of storms and where the curtains in the windows never
K23  10 moved in the breeze unless a storm was to follow.
K23  11    |^The English nurses were often advised to put in for transfers to
K23  12 another district.
K23  13    |^*'It's so much brighter in the north. ^Towns, life.
K23  14 ^Civilisation, shops. ^Much cooler*- you see, it's high up there in
K23  15 the north. ^The races.**'
K23  16    |^*'You would like it in the east*- those orange planters.
K23  17 ^Everything is greener, there's a huge valley. ^Shooting.**'
K23  18    |^*'Why did they send you nurses to this unhealthy spot? ^You
K23  19 should go to a healthy spot.**'
K23  20    |^Some of the nurses left Fort Beit. ^But those of us who were
K23  21 doing tropical diseases had to stay on, because our clinic, the
K23  22 largest in the Colony, was also a research centre for tropical
K23  23 diseases. ^Those of us who had to stay on used sometimes to say to
K23  24 each other, ^*'Isn't it wonderful here? ^Heaps of servants. ^Cheap
K23  25 drinks. ^Birds, beasts, flowers.**'
K23  26    |^The place was not without its strange marvels. ^I never got used
K23  27 to its travel-film colours except in the dry season when the dust made
K23  28 everything real. ^The dust was thick in the great yard behind the
K23  29 clinic where the natives squatted and stood about, shouting or
K23  30 laughing*- it came to the same thing*- cooking and eating, while they
K23  31 awaited treatment, or the results of X-rays, or the results of an
K23  32 X-ray of a distant relative. ^They gave off a fierce smell and kicked
K23  33 up the dust. ^The sore eyes of the babies were always beset by flies,
K23  34 but the babies slept on regardless, slung on their mothers' backs, and
K23  35 when they woke and cried the women suckled them.
K23  36    |^The poor whites of Fort Beit and its area had a reception room of
K23  37 their own inside the building, and here they ate the food they had
K23  38 brought, and lolled about in long silences, sometimes working up to a
K23  39 fight in a corner. ^The remainder of the society of Fort Beit did not
K23  40 visit the clinic.
K23  41    |^The remainder comprised the chemist, the clergyman, the
K23  42 veterinary surgeon, the police and their families. ^These enjoyed a
K23  43 social life of a small and remote quality, only coming into contact
K23  44 with the poor white small-farmers for business purposes. ^They were
K23  45 anxious to entertain the clinic staff who mostly spent its free time
K23  46 elsewhere*- miles and miles away, driving at weekends to the capital,
K23  47 the north, or to one of the big dams on which it was possible to set
K23  48 up for a sailor. ^But sometimes the nurses and medical officers would,
K23  49 for a change, spend an evening in the village at the house of the
K23  50 chemist, the clergyman, the vet, or at the police quarters.
K23  51    |^Into this society came Sonia Van \der Merwe when her husband had
K23  52 been three years in prison. ^There was a certain slur attached to his
K23  53 sentence since it was generally felt he had gone too far in the heat
K23  54 of the moment, this sort of thing undermining the prestige of the
K23  55 Colony at Whitehall. ^But nobody held the incident against Sonia. ^The
K23  56 main difficulty she had to face in her efforts towards the company of
K23  57 the vet, the chemist and the clergyman was the fact that she had never
K23  58 yet been in their company.
K23  59    |^The Van \der Merwes' farm lay a few miles outside Fort Beit. ^It
K23  60 was one of the few farms in the district, for this was an area which
K23  61 had only been developed for the mines, and these had lately closed
K23  62 down. ^The Van \der Merwes had lived the makeshift, toiling lives of
K23  63 Afrikaans settlers who had trekked up from the Union. ^I do not think
K23  64 it had ever before occurred to Sonia that her days could be spent
K23  65 otherwise than in rising and washing her face at the tub outside,
K23  66 baking bread, scrappily feeding her children, yelling at the natives,
K23  67 and retiring at night to her feather bed with Jannie. ^Her only
K23  68 outings had been to the Dutch Reformed gathering at Easter when the
K23  69 Afrikaans came in along the main street in their covered wagons and
K23  70 settled there for a week.
K23  71    |^It was not till the lawyer came to arrange some affair between
K23  72 the farm and the Land Bank that she learned she could actually handle
K23  73 the fortune her father had left her, for she had imagined that only
K23  74 the pound notes she kept stuffed in the stocking were of real spending
K23  75 worth; her father in his time had never spent his money on visible
K23  76 things, but had invested it, and Sonia thought that money paid into
K23  77 the bank was a sort of tribute-money to the bank people which
K23  78 patriarchal farmers like her father were obliged to pay under the
K23  79 strict ethic of the Dutch Reformed Church. ^She now understood her
K23  80 cash value, and felt fiercely against her husband for failing to
K23  81 reveal it to her. ^She wrote a letter to him, which was a difficult
K23  82 course. ^I saw the final draft, about which she called a conference of
K23  83 nurses from the clinic. ^We were wicked enough to let it go, but in
K23  84 fact I don't think we gave it much thought. ^I recall that on this
K23  85 occasion we talked far into the night about her possibilities*- her
K23  86 tennis court, her two bathrooms, her black-and-white bedroom*- all of
K23  87 which were as yet only a glimmer at the end of a tunnel. ^In any case,
K23  88 I do not think we could have succeeded in changing her mind about the
K23  89 letter which subsequently enjoyed a few inches in the local press as
K23  90 part of Jannie's evidence. ^It was as follows:
K23  91 **[BEGIN INDENTATION**]
K23  92    |^{3Dear Jannie there is going to be some changes I found out what
K23  93 pa left is cash to spend I only got to sine my name do you think I
K23  94 like to go on like this work work work counting the mealies in the
K23  95 field By God like poor whites when did I get a dress you did not say a
K23  96 word that is your shame and you have landed in jale with your bad
K23  97 temper you shoud of amed at the legs. ^\0Mr. Little came here to bring
K23  98 the papers to sine he said you get good cooking in jale the kids are
K23  99 well but Hannah got a bite but I will take them away from there now
K23 100 and send them to the convent and pay money. ^Your Loving Wife, \0S.
K23 101 Van der Merwe}
K23 102 **[END INDENTATION**]
K23 103    |^There must have been many occasions on which I lay on my bed on
K23 104 summer afternoons in Worcestershire, because at that time I was
K23 105 convalescent. ^My schooldays had come to an end. ^My training as a
K23 106 radio-therapist was not to begin till the autumn.
K23 107    |^I do not know how many afternoons I lay on my bed listening to a
K23 108 litany of tennis noises from where my two brothers played on the court
K23 109 a little to the right below my window. ^Sometimes, to tell me it was
K23 110 time to get up, my elder brother Richard would send a tennis ball
K23 111 through the open window. ^The net curtain would stir and part very
K23 112 suddenly and somewhere in the room the ball would thud and then roll.
K23 113 ^I always thought one day he would break the glass of the window, or
K23 114 that he would land the ball on my face or break something in the room,
K23 115 but he never did. ^Perhaps my memory exaggerates the number of these
K23 116 occasions and really they only occurred once or twice.
K23 117    |^But I am sure the curtains must have moved in the breeze as I lay
K23 118 taking in the calls and the to and fro of tennis on those unconcerned
K23 119 afternoons, and I suppose the sight was a pleasurable one. ^That a
K23 120 slight movement of the curtains should be the sign of a summer breeze
K23 121 seems somewhere near to truth, for to me truth has airy properties
K23 122 with buoyant and lyrical effects; and when anything drastic starts up
K23 123 from some light cause it only proves to me that something false has
K23 124 got into the world.
K23 125    |^I do not actually remember the curtains of my room being touched
K23 126 by the summer wind although I am sure they were; whenever I try to
K23 127 bring to mind this detail of the afternoon sensations it disappears,
K23 128 and I have knowledge of the image only as one who has swallowed some
K23 129 fruit of the Tree of Knowledge*- its memory is usurped by the window
K23 130 of \0Mrs. Van \der Merwe's house and by the curtains disturbed, in the
K23 131 rainy season, by a trifling wind, unreasonably meaning a storm.
K23 132    |^Sometimes, on those restful afternoons, I was anxious. ^There was
K23 133 some doubt about my acceptance for training as a radio-therapist
K23 134 because of my interrupted schooling. ^One day the letter of acceptance
K23 135 came by the late post. ^I read the letter with relief and delight, and
K23 136 at that same moment decided to turn down the offer. ^It was enough
K23 137 that I had received it. ^I am given to this sort of thing, and the
K23 138 reason that I am drawn to moderate and tranquil motives is that I lack
K23 139 them. ^I decided instead to become a hospital nurse and later to
K23 140 follow my brother Richard, who was then a medical student, to Africa,
K23 141 and specialise, with him, in tropical diseases.
K23 142    |
K23 143    |^It was about a year after my arrival at Fort Beit that I came
K23 144 across Sonji Van \der Merwe and, together with the other nurses, read
K23 145 the letter which was about to be sent to her husband four hundred
K23 146 miles away in the Colony's prison. ^She posted the letter
K23 147 ritualistically the next afternoon, putting on her church-going gloves
K23 148 to do so. ^She did not expect, nor did she receive, a reply. ^Three
K23 149 weeks later she started calling herself Sonia.
K23 150    |^Our visits to the farm began to take the place of evenings spent
K23 151 at the vet's, the chemist's and the clergyman's, to whose society
K23 152 Sonia now had good hopes of access. ^And every time we turned up
K23 153 something new had taken place. ^Sonia knew, or discovered as if by
K23 154 bush-telegraph, where to begin. ^She did not yet know how to travel by
K23 155 train and would have been afraid to make any excursion by herself far
K23 156 from the area, but through one nurse or another she obtained
K23 157 furnishings from the Union, catalogues, books about interior
K23 158 decoration and fashion magazines. ^Travel-stained furniture vans began
K23 159 to arrive at her bidding and our instigation. ^Her first move,
K23 160 however, was to join the Church of England, abandoning the Dutch
K23 161 Reformed persuasion of her forefathers; we had to hand it to her that
K23 162 she had thought this up for herself.
K23 163    |^We egged her on from week to week. ^We taught her how not to be
K23 164 mean with her drinks, for she had ordered an exotic supply. ^At first
K23 165 she had locked the bottles in the pantry and poured them into glasses
K23 166 in the kitchen and watered them before getting the house boy to serve
K23 167 them to her guests. ^We stopped all that. ^A contractor already had
K23 168 the extensions to the house in hand, and the rooms were being
K23 169 decorated and furnished one by one. ^It was I who had told her to have
K23 170 two bathrooms, not merely one, installed. ^She took time getting used
K23 171 to the indoor lavatories and we had to keep reminding her to pull the
K23 172 chain. ^One of us brought back from the capital a book of etiquette
K23 173 which was twenty-eight years old but which she read assiduously,
K23 174 following the words with her forefinger. ^I think it was I who had
K23 175 suggested the black-and-white bedroom, being a bit drunk at the time,
K23 176 and now it was a wonder to see it taking shape; it was done within a
K23 177 month*- she had managed to obtain black wallpaper, and to put it up,
K23 178 although wallpaper was a thing unheard of in the Colony and she was
K23 179 warned by everyone that it would never stick to the walls.
K23 180 *# 2064
K24   1 **[398 TEXT K24**]
K24   2 *<*4The Toothache*>
K24   3    |^*0Toothache on top of all this was too much. ^He had always taken
K24   4 great care of his teeth, even as a child. ^A child. ^His marriage was
K24   5 two months old and he wished that he was. ^Fifty years had passed in
K24   6 as many days. ^That made him seventy three. ^Another two to go. ^His
K24   7 life was almost over. ^He had come to the right place. ^The door was
K24   8 divided, like a stable door, into two equal leaves. ^He knocked on the
K24   9 upper leaf, a frosted glass panel with the name and profession in
K24  10 heavy black capitals. ^The upper half opened. ^A clean, florid face
K24  11 appeared and disappointment pricked him.
K24  12    |^*-Yes?
K24  13    |^*-Would you... attend to this for me, please?
K24  14    |^The slip of paper was carefully scrutinised. ^Himself. ^The
K24  15 paper. ^Himself.
K24  16    |^*-Are *1you *0the father?
K24  17    |^*-Yes.
K24  18    |^*-Come in.
K24  19    |^The lower half of the door was unlatched to admit him into a room
K24  20 which seemed half church, half office. ^The ecclesiastical half was
K24  21 neat and shining, the official half untidy, strewn with papers.
K24  22 ^Nameless brass projections hung on the walls and looked as if they
K24  23 had been looted from a church. ^There were glossy photographs of the
K24  24 rest chapels in the city's crematoria. ^The funeral director busied
K24  25 himself among his littered papers, and, in a few minutes, with the air
K24  26 of having solved a problem, pronounced, as if he expected his client
K24  27 to haggle:
K24  28    |^*-That will be three pounds ten, young man.
K24  29    |^*-Yes.
K24  30    |^He drew four new pound notes from his wallet, crossed the room,
K24  31 and placed them emphatically beneath the undertaker's eyes.
K24  32    |^*-It will be tomorrow. ^Will anyone attend?
K24  33    |^*-No.
K24  34    |^*-Has it got a name?
K24  35    |^*-No.
K24  36    |^*-Shall I inform you of the place of burial?
K24  37    |^*-No... thank you.
K24  38    |^*-Some people like to know, but best forgotten. **[SIC**]
K24  39    |^*-If the child had lived only a few days or weeks it would have
K24  40 had a name. ^And a stone.
K24  41    |^He felt he was apologising for not bringing better trade.
K24  42    |^*-A different matter. ^But best forgotten.
K24  43    |^He seemed to have solved a problem.
K24  44    |^*-It doesn't often happen these days.
K24  45    |^He wondered how much a child of a few months would cost.
K24  46    |^*-Right. ^I'll see to it tomorrow for you.
K24  47    |^*-Thank you.
K24  48    |^He turned to go. ^The business completed, the undertaker moved
K24  49 from the official to the ecclesiastical side of the room, and took his
K24  50 hand.
K24  51    |^*-Put it there. ^I know what it is. ^I'm a family man myself.
K24  52    |^With his other hand the undertaker held out a small receipt for
K24  53 three pounds ten and a crumpled ten shilling note. ^He took them and
K24  54 went through the divided door.
K24  55    |^*-Good afternoon.
K24  56    |^*-Good afternoon, young man.
K24  57    |^It had been the same with the registrar of births and deaths,
K24  58 when he had collected the certificate for disposal at the hospital
K24  59 that morning. ^Names. ^Dates of birth. ^1937. ^1937. ^Professions.
K24  60 ^Schoolteacher. ^Schoolteacher. ^The registrar wrote the date of the
K24  61 stillbirth. ^19 February, 1960.
K24  62    |^*-When were you married?
K24  63    |^*-December the Sixteenth.
K24  64    |^*-Nineteen Fifty Eight?
K24  65    |^*-No, last year.
K24  66    |^The registrar smiled. ^Who had selected him to endure this?
K24  67 ^Time? ^Like an ever rolling stream. ^There was comfort in that. ^His
K24  68 tooth ached. ^No comfort. ^There was time to kill before his dental
K24  69 appointment. ^There was always time to kill. ^You stood in the present
K24  70 and watched either the last moment die or the next being born. ^As
K24  71 they were ejaculated into being, his mind, like a spermicide, killed
K24  72 off the seeds of time. ^All *1his *0moments were dying. ^When you were
K24  73 seventy three you could only look behind you. ^At that age you walked
K24  74 backwards into the future. ^There was time to kill before his dental
K24  75 appointment, before he died. ^He would walk.
K24  76    |^To reach the dentist's, which he had not thought to change, he
K24  77 had to walk from Town to Beeston, up the long hill that overlooked the
K24  78 rest of Leeds. ^It was very near his old home. ^Since he had left so
K24  79 abruptly he had not returned. ^The lack of forgiveness would remain
K24  80 mutual. ^His resentment would consume his guilt. ^Supposing he was
K24  81 seen? ^Let them see him. ^Supposing he saw his mother at the
K24  82 greengrocer's on the corner? ^He would ignore her. ^He had written a
K24  83 terse postcard to tell them about the child and that was all. ^They
K24  84 would say it was a judgement. ^Besides if you were seventy three, your
K24  85 parents would be dead. ^All the names that had been heaped on them!
K24  86 ^All the fragments of morality that had fallen about their heads! ^The
K24  87 fifth and the seventh commandments. ^They had burned his photograph
K24  88 and the Bible he had kept at his bedside. ^Such as he had no right to
K24  89 possess that, let alone read it. ^It had only been an ornament anyway.
K24  90 ^A tit bit. ^A miniature edition, inscribed *1Joseph Carson, *01841.
K24  91 ^He had picked it up in the market for a few pence, buried under the
K24  92 battered copies of Marie Corelli, Ouida and Hall Caine.
K24  93    |
K24  94    |^After only two months of absence the familiar streets showed
K24  95 signs of considerable change. ^Instead of the lines of gas lamps he
K24  96 was shocked to find overhead sodium lighting, and there was demolition
K24  97 in progress on a row of terrace houses, almost the same as his own
K24  98 street. ^He stopped to watch. ^There was time to kill. ^Ahead of him a
K24  99 man on crutches stood watching the houses being torn down. ^That had
K24 100 not changed. ^The afternoons were always peopled by mothers and
K24 101 children under five, or by the aged and the maimed. ^All the
K24 102 able-bodied, like the demolition men, were at work. ^He himself would
K24 103 be back at school tomorrow morning. ^After his slight indisposition.
K24 104 ^A chill? ^A bilious attack? ^The blood on the stair, the floor of the
K24 105 ambulance, the attendants' hands. ^At his feet on a pile of broken
K24 106 bricks, open at page 305, lay the grey remnants of *1The Beauties of
K24 107 British Poetry:
K24 108    |^*0*'The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
K24 109    |And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold;**'
K24 110    |^He turned the stiffened pages with his foot. ^Another by Lord
K24 111 Byron. ^\0Mrs. Hemans. ^Hogg. ^Two men with sledgehammers were poised
K24 112 on a high fragment of surviving wall. ^They might easily fall and kill
K24 113 themselves. ^This part of the city had worn badly. ^It was good to see
K24 114 it go. ^How \1doth the city sit solitary, that was full of people!
K24 115 ^Seventy three. ^Fifty years *1had *0passed. ^You could expect changes
K24 116 in fifty years. ^Every change after fourteen years was for the worst.
K24 117 ^A plaque on the site testified that the work was being carried out by
K24 118 a member of *1The National Federation of Demolition Contractors. ^*0On
K24 119 it was a badge with a map of the British Isles. ^Great Britain and
K24 120 Ulster were in black. ^On the circumference of the badge, surmounting
K24 121 the Outer Hebrides, was a contractor's crane. ^A shovel intersected
K24 122 Sligo and traversed Ireland as far as County Cork, where it emerged
K24 123 into the ocean. ^A pick in the North Sea had its point curved towards
K24 124 some coastal town beneath the Firth of Forth. ^A crowbar, its point of
K24 125 balance opposite the Isle of Wight, floated in the English Channel,
K24 126 extending, at a rough guess, from Plymouth to Brighton. ^Beneath all
K24 127 this was the date, 1941, (he was four), and beneath that the motto,
K24 128 \*2RESURGAM. ^*0The cripple had moved off. ^He overtook him quickly,
K24 129 imagining the cripple's envy at his straight, retreating legs. ^He
K24 130 turned round. ^The cripple's head, as if it always had, hung, like a
K24 131 cartoon Christ's, upon his breast.
K24 132    |
K24 133    |^He was nearer to his old home. ^You could see almost all of Leeds
K24 134 from the crest of Beeston Hill, the roofs, the chimneys and the
K24 135 steeples, the higher civic buildings, the clock of the black Town
K24 136 Hall, to which he had listened, in his attic bedroom, striking the
K24 137 small hours of those mornings immediately before he left. ^The
K24 138 slightest earth tremor could level them. ^He could see the familiar
K24 139 landmarks that he had passed on his way up. ^The Salem Institute,
K24 140 Hudson's Warehouse, formerly Wesley Hall, the gas cylinders, the
K24 141 truncated pinnacles of Christ Church. ^Some time ago, these had become
K24 142 insecure and the constant passage of heavy and rapidly increasing
K24 143 traffic had made them a danger to the community. ^The incumbent had
K24 144 sat for weeks at a trestle table, with placards ranged about him and
K24 145 fixed above the church porch on either side of what seemed to be a
K24 146 tinted photograph of Christ, beneath which was written in white
K24 147 capitals, ^*2COME UNTO ME. ^*0Who would go to that? ^The faded figure
K24 148 held out its arms in a gesture of welcome. ^*2AN APPEAL FOR
K24 149 RENOVATIONS TO THE FABRIC OF THE CHURCH. ^*+10,000 URGENTLY NEEDED.
K24 150 ^PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY. ^SAVE YOUR CHURCH. ^*0Hardly a tithe was
K24 151 raised and, with no regard for proportion, the dangerous finials and
K24 152 crockets were removed, leaving four stunted growths of stone,
K24 153 projecting from a square tower. ^They should have left them to fall
K24 154 down. ^Nearer to him was the large dome of a building, formerly The
K24 155 Queen's Theatre, The Music Hall, the Queen's Cinema, now an unwanted
K24 156 fixture, described as an excellent site for future development,
K24 157 becoming more and more dilapidated, devoid of players, stars or
K24 158 audience. ^Of the advertisement board above the entrance, between what
K24 159 had been two giant tulips, there remained only the word, *2TODAY.
K24 160 ^*0Just visible below, however, the Palace Cinema, formerly The
K24 161 Tabernacle, was still assertive. ^Its prices had risen, so they said,
K24 162 from fourpence to one and six or two and three. ^It had risen in the
K24 163 world. ^The city was senile too. ^Let the everlasting stars go out.
K24 164 ^They would all pass away as one, a slow driftage of stardust,
K24 165 crumbled brick and plaster, powdered flesh and bone.
K24 166    |
K24 167    |^The dentist had his surgery in Cemetery Road on the very brow of
K24 168 the commanding hill. ^In the congested burial ground on his left the
K24 169 remains of his family from seventeen something were laid at rest, the
K24 170 butchers, the publicans, their wives, and some of their children. ^His
K24 171 father took flowers there almost every week and sometimes came home
K24 172 with the stains of clay on his trouser knees. ^The five sons, now
K24 173 dispersed in various parts of England, sent every year, with their
K24 174 Christmas Cards, a subscription towards an elaborate wreath.
K24 175    |^From the chair, as he was having his teeth tested and found
K24 176 wanting, he fixed his attention on the landmarks below him, to
K24 177 distract his mind from the pains of the dentist's probe. ^Four of his
K24 178 teeth required treatment. ^Three new fillings and one about twelve
K24 179 years old that needed repair. ^He had forgotten about that. ^The tooth
K24 180 that ached was not to be extracted. ^It would just be possible to fill
K24 181 it. ^Of course, they were paid more for a filling.
K24 182    |^*-Do you still clean your teeth regularly?
K24 183    |^*-Yes, of course. ^After every meal.
K24 184    |^*-And you don't eat sweets?
K24 185    |^*-No.
K24 186    |^*-Or a lot of biscuits?
K24 187    |^*-No. ^No.
K24 188    |^*-Mm. ^Your teeth are poorly resistant to decay.
K24 189    |
K24 190    |^They gave you nothing to numb the pain of drilling. ^No cocaine.
K24 191 ^No laughing gas. ^The drill began. ^He stared at the heavens and the
K24 192 higher landmarks. ^He pinched his hand beneath the protective sheet.
K24 193 ^Birds circled within his vision, circumscribed by the tilted position
K24 194 of the chair, seagulls fleeing the storms on the North Sea or the
K24 195 Irish Sea, sparrows, starlings circling the stunted pinnacles of
K24 196 Christ Church, the dome of the Queen's Theatre, the Music Hall, the
K24 197 Queen's Cinema, the derelict, wheeling backwards and forwards above
K24 198 the Gas Works cylinders, the Salem Institute, and, nearer, settling on
K24 199 the houses on the hill immediately beneath the window. ^Concentrate.
K24 200 ^Transfer the pain into the hand. ^The birds soar as the pain is sharp
K24 201 on the crumbling tooth. ^They settle and it is subdued. ^The drill.
K24 202 ^The drill. ^They rise, they wheel and turn, around the stunted
K24 203 pinnacles, poorly resistant to decay, the Queen's Theatre, poorly
K24 204 resistant to decay, the Queen's Cinema, poorly resistant to decay, the
K24 205 derelict, the excellent site for future development, for future
K24 206 buildings, future derelicts, that will survive my teeth, my flesh and
K24 207 bone, my son, who died before he saw the broken world, that may
K24 208 survive my second or my third, their first, or be demolished,
K24 209 excavated, filled, plucked out, root and all, teeth and children torn
K24 210 out of their roots, the nameless flesh interred in nameless ground,
K24 211 the dead to judgement torn, Christ torn from the tomb, the roots, the
K24 212 judgement, the welcoming, the faded Christ, poorly resistant to decay.
K24 213 *# 2083
K25   1 **[399 TEXT K25**]
K25   2 *<*4Maiden Offering*>
K25   3 *<Short Story by *6MAVIS FOREMAN*>
K25   4    |^*1She supported the dying hero's head in her lap. ^*"Have no
K25   5 fear, we shall meet again**" he murmured. ^Belinda smiled through her
K25   6 tears for she too believed that true love reaches beyond the grave.
K25   7    |^The End.
K25   8    |
K25   9    |^*0I wrote with a flourish, the tears coursing down my cheeks as I
K25  10 looked up triumphantly into my dressing table mirror. ^I am fifteen
K25  11 and have just completed my first real story. ^I have written it all
K25  12 sitting like this before my mirror apeing every expression of my hero
K25  13 and heroine, sharing their every joy and weeping at their many
K25  14 sorrows.
K25  15    |^It is such a sad story I cannot stop crying, so it must be good.
K25  16 ^A story has to be sad and very mature and frank to succeed these days
K25  17 and I feel that mine is quite fearless. ^In a way the heroine is
K25  18 myself and the hero, Ben, is the boy I am rather keen about although
K25  19 he doesn't take much notice of me. ^Of course he is quite a bit older,
K25  20 nearly twenty I believe.
K25  21    |^My story has two thousand and one words. ^I know because I have
K25  22 counted every word*- two thousand and one!
K25  23    |^Now I must dry my eyes and go and tell someone about it. ^I am so
K25  24 excited I just cannot stop crying. ^It is reaction after all my
K25  25 effort.
K25  26    |
K25  27    |^It is now two days since I finished *"Death at Sundown**" and I
K25  28 am not quite so happy about it although I still believe in it and in
K25  29 myself. ^But everyone has pulled it to pieces and I feel the heart has
K25  30 gone out of it. ^I think I shall do what Grandpa advised...
K25  31    |^When I first broke the news to the family they were all very
K25  32 thrilled and Mother said I must read it to them as soon as we'd
K25  33 finished supper. ^My young brother, Billy, was rather fed up as he did
K25  34 not want to miss his serial on the Radio and Father did not seem all
K25  35 that keen either. ^Mother, I could tell, was really interested and so
K25  36 was Grandpa. ^He did not say much but he kept looking at me and
K25  37 nodding his head.
K25  38    |^During the meal Billy kept trying to find out what it was about.
K25  39    |^*"Is it rip-roaring?**" he said.
K25  40    |^*"You'll have to wait and see. ^It will spoil it if I tell
K25  41 you.**"
K25  42    |^My Father looked at me then.
K25  43    |^*"I didn't know you were a writer, Julia**" he said.
K25  44    |^Grandpa chortled.
K25  45    |^*"Takes after me*- stories by the dozen once and a book**".
K25  46    |^*"Really, Grandpa**", I breathed. ^*"How many words?**"
K25  47    |^*"Oh, fifty or sixty thousand, I can't remember.**"
K25  48    |^*"Golly!**" I said.
K25  49    |^*"How many has yours?**" said Billy.
K25  50    |^*"Two thousand and one.**"
K25  51    |^Everyone looked impressed and Mother said proudly, ^*"Julia's
K25  52 going to be clever. ^I had a letter published once myself in some
K25  53 woman's magazine, I forget which one. ^A household hint it was,
K25  54 something to do with pegs.**"
K25  55    |^*"Pegs!**" said Grandpa. ^*"Did you say pegs?**"
K25  56    |^*"Yes, pegs**" said my Mother crossly. ^*"It was quite a good
K25  57 washday hint. ^I can't remember just what now, it was a long time ago.
K25  58 ^I got ten and sixpence for it though. ^It was the time we were trying
K25  59 to get enough together to send you to that good school,**" she added
K25  60 reminiscently to me.
K25  61    |^*"How much will Julia get for hers?**" Billy said.
K25  62    |^*"They pay quite a bit for a really good story,**" Grandpa cut
K25  63 in.
K25  64    |^Billy looked interested.
K25  65    |^*"Enough to buy a record player?**"
K25  66    |^*"Hm. ^It would have to be pretty good to get that much,**"
K25  67 Grandpa said.
K25  68    |^By this time they were all intrigued. ^Even Father seemed quite
K25  69 keen to hear it.
K25  70    |^So, after supper, we all settled round the fire while I read the
K25  71 tale out to them with much dramatic feeling and, once again, there
K25  72 were tears in my eyes when I came to the sad ending, but this time I
K25  73 managed to keep them from tumbling down my cheeks.
K25  74    |^There was quite a moment's silence when I finished and I took it
K25  75 that all their hearts were too full to speak. ^Then they all said
K25  76 together, ~*"Yes, it's good, very good,**" and Grandpa added, ^*"A
K25  77 stout effort.**"
K25  78    |^Only Billy remained quiet and when I looked at him pointedly he
K25  79 said.
K25  80    |^*"It's a bit like that silly film we saw last week with that
K25  81 smashing cowboy one.**"
K25  82    |^*"You are too young to appreciate it,**" I said haughtily. ^*"It
K25  83 is written for grown ups, not boys of nine and a half.**"
K25  84    |^*"They seem to spend a lot of time making passionate love,**"
K25  85 Billy said.
K25  86    |^Mother coughed.
K25  87    |^*"Yes, I thought perhaps that was rather...**" she tailed off
K25  88 lamely.
K25  89    |^*"Oh, but Mother**" I flared, *"everything has to be like that
K25  90 now or it doesn't have a chance*- \6*1risque*?2, *0they call it.**"
K25  91    |^Father grunted.
K25  92    |^*"I should have thought they would have caught their deaths of
K25  93 cold lying about in the snow like that**" he said.
K25  94    |^*"Oh, but it wasn't snowing then.**"
K25  95    |^*"But it was the day he was killed. ^You said something about his
K25  96 *'red blood on the white snow**'.**"
K25  97    |^*"Oh, yes,**" I said, *"but that was *1another *0day.**"
K25  98    |^I was beginning to feel cross now and slightly disheartened.
K25  99    |^There was a further silence; then Father said, ^*"I'm afraid
K25 100 there are several bits regarding the Army that just would not
K25 101 happen*-**"
K25 102    |^Grandpa cut in quickly, ^*"That doesn't matter in a story. ^One
K25 103 doesn't expect one hundred per cent accuracy. ^If it's a good tale you
K25 104 can get away with that.**"
K25 105    |^*"In one bit you said she was a beautiful maiden of twenty and
K25 106 then later you say she has a squint,**" Billy said.
K25 107    |^I glared at him furiously.
K25 108    |^*"I said no such thing.**"
K25 109    |^*"Well, cross-eyed is the same.**"
K25 110    |^*"I said wide-eyed. ^All innocent maidens are wide-eyed.**"
K25 111    |^*"She didn't really behave like an innocent maiden,**" said my
K25 112 Mother mildly.
K25 113    |^Suddenly, I had had enough and with a gulp I jumped up and ran
K25 114 from the room, my story clasped to my breast.
K25 115    |^The tears came angrily to my eyes again as I slammed my bedroom
K25 116 door. ^Why couldn't they have left it alone, saying they liked it and
K25 117 then pulling it to pieces. ^Now, it would not seem right to me. ^Maybe
K25 118 I should alter it to fit in with their criticisms.
K25 119    |^Then Grandpa came in. ^He did not knock as he usually does, just
K25 120 walked straight in. ^He went to the window and stared out not looking
K25 121 at me and not saying a word. ^I gazed at his dear old back in the
K25 122 shabby, tweed suit and the funny little bald patch peeping from around
K25 123 the white tufts, a bit like a poached egg I thought irrelevantly, and
K25 124 said sadly,
K25 125    |^*"I'm going to alter it the way they suggested.**"
K25 126    |^Grandpa flew round then his old face shining and red.
K25 127    |^*"You do no such thing,**" he said. ^*"It wouldn't be your story
K25 128 any more. ^Leave it be child. ^It's your very own creation. ^It's fair
K25 129 enough. ^You'll do better, but it's fair enough for a start. ^You may
K25 130 use my typewriter to type it out if you like.**"
K25 131    |^My heart was too full for words. ^This was indeed an honour!
K25 132    |^So I typed my story on Grandpa's typewriter. ^It is a very old
K25 133 typewriter and some of the keys are rather crooked. ^I can only type
K25 134 very slowly as I am quite a beginner so it took me a long time. ^I am
K25 135 afraid there were a few mistakes but I altered them all in red ink and
K25 136 Grandpa says it doesn't matter how badly a story is typed; if it has
K25 137 real merit it will sell.
K25 138    |^It was a wonderful moment when I pushed the paper clip into the
K25 139 pages and folded it into a foolscap envelope. ^I put another in with
K25 140 my name and address on it just in case. ^But, oh, I am sure it will be
K25 141 published. ^It's just got to be...
K25 142    |
K25 143    |^For several days I have been walking on air imagining my story
K25 144 printed in the magazine*-
K25 145 *<*2DEATH AT SUNDOWN*>
K25 146 *<*0By Julia Lane*>
K25 147    |^Then this morning I heard the plump of the letters on the mat and
K25 148 somehow I knew immediately that this was my moment. ^I raced out into
K25 149 the hall but, quick as I was, Grandpa was before me. ^He was
K25 150 straightening up and there was a long, foolscap envelope in his hand.
K25 151 ^I could see my own writing on it.
K25 152    |^*"Shall we go to your room?**" Grandpa said very quietly.
K25 153    |^I followed him with an aching heart; all the life seemed to have
K25 154 drained out of me. ^Grandpa sat down slowly on the bed.
K25 155    |^*"I'm afraid it's a return,**" he said.
K25 156    |^I bit my lip miserably and nodded.
K25 157    |^*"You mustn't mind too much,**" Grandpa said. ^*"Even the most
K25 158 famous writers started like this, some have years and years of
K25 159 frustration before they make the grade. ^Some never do,**" he added
K25 160 under his breath. ^*"Shall I open it?**" ^I nodded dumbly and he slit
K25 161 the envelope.
K25 162    |^Yes, there it was, my beautiful story and the paper clip had
K25 163 gone. ^I threw myself on to the pillows beside Grandpa and sobbed my
K25 164 heart out. ^He let me cry for a little then tugged me upright and
K25 165 handed me his handkerchief.
K25 166    |^*"Blow,**" he commanded. ^I did so and felt better.
K25 167    |^*"You mustn't let this beat you,**" he said. ^*"Try again, write
K25 168 something better. ^One day you will go to the door and there will be a
K25 169 *1little *0envelope with a publisher's name on it; in that moment, you
K25 170 will feel it was all worth while. ^And look,**" he opened up my story,
K25 171 *"your very first rejection slip.**"
K25 172    |^I took it from him and read, ^*2THE EDITOR THANKS YOU FOR
K25 173 SUBMITTING THE ENCLOSED \0MS BUT REGRETS HE IS UNABLE TO USE IT.
K25 174    |^*0*"He thanked me,**" I said in wonder, *"that was nice.**"
K25 175    |^Grandpa nodded thoughtfully.
K25 176    |^*"Keep it,**" he said. ^*"One day you may be able to laugh at
K25 177 it.**"
K25 178 *<*4Up the Elephant*>
K25 179 *<Short story by *6ROY BOARDMAN*>
K25 180    |^A*2FTER *0tea Mum and Dad gave me the look they always gave me
K25 181 after our first meal when I returned to London at the end of the
K25 182 college term. ^They knew I was going out for the evening. ^Action and
K25 183 conversation followed the usual pattern. ^I yawned, surveyed the
K25 184 cramped room*- the littered table, two armchairs, old football pools
K25 185 and bills stuffed behind the alarm clock, the dominating television
K25 186 screen*- and said, ^*"Oh, well, I'd better go and let everyone know
K25 187 I'm back.**"
K25 188    |^*"Where you goin', son?**" asked Mum.
K25 189    |^*"Up the Elephant, I think.**"
K25 190    |^*"You look after yourself, son,**" said Dad lighting one of his
K25 191 hand-rolled cigarettes and leaning back in his chair, his striped
K25 192 braces straining over his striped shirt. ^*"You know what the Elephant
K25 193 and Castle's like. ^Mind you don't get up to nothing.**"
K25 194    |^*"I might go and see Pete.**"
K25 195    |^Pete was the *"nice young man**" Mum approved of. ^We had been
K25 196 contemporaries at the local secondary school until I had gone to
K25 197 college, he into Local Government, ^*"He's a nice young man,**" said
K25 198 Mum hoping to begin a conversation. ^But I had my jacket on and my
K25 199 hand was on the doorknob.
K25 200    |^*"Well, see you later.**"
K25 201    |^*"Nice of you to 'ave dropped in,**" said Dad with terrible
K25 202 sarcasm. ^*"Come again sometime.**" ^I heard the knob of the telly
K25 203 click as I went down the stairs, and when I reached the front door a
K25 204 blast of music hit me in the back.
K25 205    |^It was twilight. ^The street was deserted and there were few
K25 206 lights in the windows of the two regular lines of houses that enclosed
K25 207 me. ^It was telly time for everyone. ^A few knife-edges of light slit
K25 208 the shrouded sky. ^I stood on the doorstep a while watching it, trying
K25 209 to decide where to go. ^A visit to Pete certainly didn't attract me,
K25 210 the conversation would die too quickly. ^But I wanted to talk to
K25 211 someone. ^Every time I returned from college I felt the need to meet
K25 212 people I used to know, to see the life I had known, to re-evaluate and
K25 213 see if I could feel some of the old desires.
K25 214 *# 2030
K26   1 **[400 TEXT K26**]
K26   2 *<*6ALL THE GIRLS LOVE A SCHOLAR*>
K26   3 *<*1Short story by Malcolm Bradbury*>
K26   4    |^*2ONE FINE DAY *0in late August, a little more than a year ago, I
K26   5 put on some clean socks, pressed my trousers, and made my way across
K26   6 the downs to Southampton, where I was to take ship for America. ^After
K26   7 governmental minions had knotted my suits together and counted the
K26   8 contents of my wallet, under the pretext of facilitating my
K26   9 embarkation, I went out onto the dock, and there she was, the
K26  10 {0R.M.S.} *1Grand Cham, *0a huge wedding cake of a ship, sturdy yet
K26  11 pleasantly worn after yeoman service on the transatlantic run. ^I
K26  12 paused and scratched my ear, touched by the moment; I was going to
K26  13 America, safe in this titan of the deep*- and what leisurely, playful,
K26  14 and even possibly lascivious hours lay before me! ^I gathered up my
K26  15 hand baggage, which consisted of a portable typewriter and a briefcase
K26  16 containing a full-size X-ray photograph of my chest and a crisp mint
K26  17 copy of my Master's thesis, on the Influence of Dryden on Anybody,
K26  18 which I had just completed.
K26  19    |^I came fresh from two years of research, spent among the high
K26  20 stone pillars and solemnly dedicated atmosphere of the British Museum.
K26  21 ^I am essentially a provincial lad, lost in the vast, unwieldy city of
K26  22 London, and the British Museum was the only place I knew. ^I used to
K26  23 take the small red trains of the London Underground as far as
K26  24 Tottenham Court Road station and emerge into the grey heady airs of
K26  25 Bloomsbury. ^Then I would wend my way between the bookshops,
K26  26 publishers' offices, and *1\6espresso *0bars, taking care not to go
K26  27 off course into the void, until I reached the British Museum. ^I would
K26  28 go into the Reading Room, where solid silence was packed hard and
K26  29 green up as far as the bowl of the dome, and walk over, always, to
K26  30 desk D-4. ^(After a few months, people knew that D-4 and Bradbury went
K26  31 together; I was a member of a very exclusive club.) ^I would settle
K26  32 down there amid the smell of leather bindings and leather desks and
K26  33 the strange aromas of unguents worn by Middle European e*?2migre*?2s,
K26  34 who notoriously used to repair to the British Museum to write
K26  35 seditious pamphlets. ^Sometimes I would go down into the basement
K26  36 lavatory, where small men could be seen from time to time washing
K26  37 their hats. ^Such eccentricities were commonplace in this high world
K26  38 of scholarship which I now frequented, and my urbanity grew daily. ^So
K26  39 this, then, was *1living.
K26  40    |^*0At eleven, I would go out for coffee; at twelve-thirty for
K26  41 lunch; and at three-fifteen for tea. ^In these interstices, I
K26  42 conducted a love affair with a large, flamboyant, and rather rich girl
K26  43 from Sheffield, who was also writing a thesis. ^I never saw her save
K26  44 during the daytime, and our relationship was conducted largely by
K26  45 correspondence within the museum. ^Notes would arrive saying ^*'I'm
K26  46 mad at you. ^You said you'd have lunch with me yesterday.**' ^Notes
K26  47 would leave saying ^*'Sorry, my tutor came. ^[My tutor would often pop
K26  48 in, and we would retire to a nearby teashop, eat buns, and discuss my
K26  49 thesis, at the same time feeding crumbs to the mice that kept
K26  50 appearing out of the wainscoting.] ^But how about today? ^I'm your
K26  51 friend.**'
K26  52    |^When I accepted a fellowship in America, the notes came thick and
K26  53 fast; she was very mad at me. ^I had that day taken my thesis to a
K26  54 little bookbinder up Gower Street, who had hit the edges with a hammer
K26  55 and put a binding on it, I felt very proud. ^So I took her out to
K26  56 dinner in Soho, then to a theatre, and finally I took her home on the
K26  57 Underground. ^We sat on a bench in some gardens near the river. ^A
K26  58 sign saying *'*2HOVIS**' *0kept flashing at us from across the river,
K26  59 but we didn't look at it. ^The seat was wet, and ants kept taking
K26  60 things back and forth along it, but we didn't mind. ^At last, I
K26  61 ushered her to her door and promised never to forget her.
K26  62    |^Now I was off to America to face a more rigorous re*?2gime. ^I
K26  63 was going to the Middle West to teach a course on gross illiteracies
K26  64 to freshmen. ^The gross illiteracies didn't sound very interesting.
K26  65 ^They included such deviations as the Unjustifiable Dangling Modifier
K26  66 ~(*'If thoroughly stewed, the patients will enjoy our prunes**') and
K26  67 the Fused Sentence ~(*'His bus was late he missed his train**'). ^I
K26  68 realised that I was now finished with the cosmopolitan gentlemanly
K26  69 days of English research; no more men washing their hats in the
K26  70 lavatory, no more eccentrics talking on economic theory to the stone
K26  71 lions in front of the British Museum. ^Now, if I wanted to do research
K26  72 work, I had to take courses and acquire credits for a degree. ^But
K26  73 first, I told myself, forget scholarship and the academic life for a
K26  74 while: revel in the joys of a cruise.
K26  75    |^Flunkies ushered me aboard the *1Grand Cham, *0and eventually I
K26  76 found my cabin. ^It was a tiny cabin, no bigger than a good-sized
K26  77 coffin, and it contained four berths, a communal set of drawers, and a
K26  78 hand basin about the size of the bowl of my pipe. ^My three cabin
K26  79 mates had arrived already; they were long-faced, dark-haired English
K26  80 youths who looked exactly like me. ^One of them pointed out to me a
K26  81 package from Interflora. ^It was white heather from the British Museum
K26  82 girl, and the card said, ^*'*2I'M YOUR FRIEND**'. ^*0I then began to
K26  83 unpack my briefcase. ^I lifted out the X-ray photograph and the
K26  84 thesis, and carried them to a convenient shelf. ^Then I noticed a
K26  85 curious thing. ^Already on the shelf, there lay three X-ray
K26  86 photographs and three fat Master's theses. ^I looked at my cabin mates
K26  87 inquiringly. ^They nodded. ^We were all on the same errand.
K26  88    |^Bursting with bonhomie, we sat at the same table at dinner and
K26  89 talked about Dryden and George Eliot and the criticism of {0F. R.}
K26  90 Leavis. ^Suddenly, in a pause in our conversation, we observed
K26  91 something strange. ^The people at the next table were also talking
K26  92 about Dryden and George Eliot and the criticism of {0F. R.} Leavis.
K26  93 ^So were the people at the table beyond that. ^Soon everyone was
K26  94 turning round to look at everyone else, and it quickly became evident
K26  95 that the vessel was largely given over to American intellectuals
K26  96 returning from a year's stint in Rome or Paris or London and English
K26  97 intellectuals going for a year's stint to the Folger or to Stanford or
K26  98 to the palaces of cultivation in the Middle West. ^There were
K26  99 English-Speaking Union Fellows, Commonwealth Fund Fellows, Henry
K26 100 Fellows, and Jane Eliza Procter Visiting Fellows. ^There were
K26 101 Guggenheims and Rockefellers, Fords and Gulbenkians. ^*'My
K26 102 goodness,**' remarked someone, *'what a blow for the human
K26 103 intelligence if this ship should sink.**'
K26 104    |^It was a sobering thought. ^Perhaps, someone else suggested, we
K26 105 should have been shared out among several vessels, so that some of us,
K26 106 at least, should survive. ^As one of my cabin mates remarked, the
K26 107 incidence of scholars was more than random; it was statistically
K26 108 significant. ^*'You know,**' he said, *'the historians of race
K26 109 migration have missed this. ^There's a thesis in it.**' ^I hastened to
K26 110 assure him that with a passenger list of this sort no potential
K26 111 subject for a thesis would be likely to go begging. ^*'Oh, good!**'
K26 112 said my companion. ^*'I'm relieved. ^Because it isn't really my
K26 113 field.**'
K26 114    |^Already I was beginning to suspect that the passenger list of the
K26 115 vessel was not my field either, and during the next day or two I could
K26 116 not help but feel that the atmosphere was growing claustrophobic.
K26 117 ^There were a few passengers without even their Master's degrees,
K26 118 going to visit relatives or get married in the States, or returning
K26 119 from a tour of Europe. ^You saw them occasionally, walking about
K26 120 defiantly carrying copies of novels by Nevil Shute, and I, for one,
K26 121 never let them go by without sparing them a few kindly words. ^By and
K26 122 large, though, the passengers gathered in groups on the boat deck each
K26 123 day in informal seminars, keeping alive the tradition of academic
K26 124 debate during this tough, fallow spell while they were cut off from a
K26 125 university and out under the open sky.
K26 126    |^One evening, my roommates and I were sitting in our cabin
K26 127 deluging our nostrils with heather pollen when there came a tap at the
K26 128 door and a young American scholar we had already met (he was a
K26 129 Swinburne man) entered. ^*'Hi,**' he said.
K26 130    |^We said ~*'Hi**' back at him, and he explained that a meeting had
K26 131 been held and it had been decided to formalise the discussions on the
K26 132 boat deck by holding daily seminars devoted to comparisons of American
K26 133 and European life and thought, which would keep our minds from rusting
K26 134 and at the same time serve as an orientation programme for those
K26 135 unfamiliar with various lands. ^People would contribute papers, and
K26 136 discussion would be encouraged. ^*'You know, this is the greatest
K26 137 opportunity we'll ever have,**' he said. ^*'We can't let an
K26 138 opportunity like this go by.**'
K26 139    |^There was, he had to admit, one painful drawback. ^*'We aren't
K26 140 authorised to award credits toward any degree, but we don't think this
K26 141 should stand in our way, and we hope it won't deter you from
K26 142 coming.**'
K26 143    |^We congratulated him on being so infected with the joy of pure
K26 144 scholarship. ^He thanked us and adjured us to be present at ten-thirty
K26 145 the next morning.
K26 146    |^For some strange reason, possibly a decline in my metabolism, I
K26 147 couldn't quite relish the prospect. ^I went to the meeting the next
K26 148 day, however, and an eminent professor from Emmanuel College,
K26 149 Cambridge, gave a paper on the cheapest way to buy potatoes in
K26 150 England, and then there was a discussion about how to get off a
K26 151 turnpike in the States. ^It was good, searching stuff, well presented
K26 152 and well delivered, and showing the stamp of original minds, yet
K26 153 somehow I didn't seem up to it, and when the Swinburne man, who was in
K26 154 general charge, assigned us *1Moby Dick, *0to be read before the next
K26 155 class, I felt I'd almost rather take an Incomplete in the course.
K26 156    |^Fortunately for me, my fears of being bested in a debate on
K26 157 Melville were relieved by a chance encounter, at the dance that
K26 158 evening, with an elegantly proportioned American nurse, tanned as
K26 159 brown as a berry by a two-month tour of Italy. ^I had no business
K26 160 being at the dance at all, with so much reading to do, but I thought
K26 161 perhaps he wouldn't call on me in the quiz. ^Looking on this
K26 162 unqualified specimen of American womanhood, charming even without her
K26 163 {0M.A.}, I found myself spiritually closer to her than I did to many
K26 164 a scholar. ^I was, in short, tempted into silken dalliance. ^The
K26 165 desire for knowledge, the desire to learn all there was to know about
K26 166 the \6*1Weltanschauung *0of the female in America, egged me on.
K26 167    |^I began my course of study the next day. ^I was, as I have said,
K26 168 a modest and provincial English youth, but my companion seemed
K26 169 inclined to thaw me. ^*'You're so polite,**' she said. ^*'It's cute,
K26 170 but you won't snow an American girl that way.**'
K26 171    |^She was telling me, in the late afternoon, how to snow an
K26 172 American girl, when the Swinburne man appeared. ^*'Say,**' he said,
K26 173 *'we missed you today.**' ^I apologised for my absence.
K26 174    |^*'We had a great class on how to use an Automat,**' he said.
K26 175 ^*'Then one of the guys in your cabin talked about how to get
K26 176 shillings to put into English gas meters. ^It was very interesting.**'
K26 177 ^*'I'm sure,**' I said. ^*'I'm sorry I missed it.**'
K26 178    |^Next morning, the Swinburne man was at our cabin early, looking
K26 179 for me. ^I told him that I should most surely have joined the group
K26 180 that day were I not working on a project of my own. ^He left, a trifle
K26 181 dejected, and my project came along shortly afterward from her cabin,
K26 182 where she had been putting on a swimsuit, and we went to the pool.
K26 183 *# 2022
K27   1 **[401 TEXT K27**]
K27   2 *<*4The Stile*>
K27   3    |^*0The mirror had a bevelled edge, so that by tilting it carefully
K27   4 he could cut his eye in half quite painlessly. ^Now he had three eyes
K27   5 and a harelip. ^He squared the mirror, made a cruel gesture with his
K27   6 mouth, then put his hand down the front of his trousers to see if he
K27   7 had more hair than Falkirk yet. ^Suddenly he noticed some flecks of
K27   8 scurf that must have fallen on the mirror when he was combing his
K27   9 parting. ^He began to worry about that instead.
K27  10    |^The waiting was intolerable. ^And yet he knew it shouldn't be.
K27  11 ^The bed was a secure island where he was immune from time. ^That was
K27  12 why before going back to school, or before going to the dance as now,
K27  13 he would set aside a whole hour for lying on his bed. ^It was a
K27  14 rational device for delaying fear. ^When he panicked, and he had been
K27  15 panicking for more than a week, he could say to himself, ^*'There is
K27  16 still the hour. ^There is no excuse for worrying before the hour.**'
K27  17 ^The strategem never worked, but he still enforced it rigidly because
K27  18 the hour was the time for *1thinking.
K27  19    |^*0Now he felt silly lying on the bed in his blue suit and his
K27  20 ridiculous patent-leather shoes with silver buckles. ^He strained his
K27  21 ears to hear his mother backing the car out of the garage; all the
K27  22 time his breathing coming faster.
K27  23    |^The other thought came back.
K27  24    |^He bit his lip and cut his eye in half again with the mirror. ^He
K27  25 rather wished the down would disappear altogether. ^Last term had been
K27  26 bad enough. ^Their voices were still in his ears like trapped bees.
K27  27    |^*'Morton has a forest!**' ^*'With a *1waterfall *0in it!**'
K27  28 ^*'*1Morton! ^Morton! ^Morton!**' ^*'*0Look at the Jelly Roll!**'
K27  29    |^*'I'm precocious,**' he said carefully, and aloud to the ceiling,
K27  30 turning away wearily from the sound of their voices.
K27  31    |^He wondered dazedly whether the term after next at his new school
K27  32 everyone would have hairy Dings and it wouldn't matter so much. ^What
K27  33 if his trousers fell off tonight and all the girls at the dance
K27  34 started shouting... ^He reversed the mirror quickly, and as an
K27  35 additional safeguard closed his eyes, so that he wasn't. ^But it was
K27  36 not an easy thing to pretend: in no time at all he was again.
K27  37    |^Then what about the doctor at last term's medical inspection? ^He
K27  38 was still wondering about that.
K27  39    |^*'Stand up straight much?**' the doctor asked, and he began
K27  40 tapping his teeth with the tongue-depressor he had in his hand.
K27  41    |^Peter drew himself to attention and said, ^*'Sir?**' ^They had to
K27  42 call him that; it was good manners.
K27  43    |^*'Play about a bit?**' the doctor said. ^He seemed
K27  44 absent-mindedly to be cleaning his teeth with the tongue depressor
K27  45 now; then he stopped that and looked at his fingernails.
K27  46    |^*'Football practice.**' ^Peter shrugged. ^*'And camp-fires in the
K27  47 woods mostly.**'
K27  48    |^Then he left the room for the next boy, wondering why the matron
K27  49 who was usually helping the doctor had disappeared.
K27  50    |^They were backing out the car. ^He panicked. ^Leaping off the bed
K27  51 he scrabbled through his drawers. ^He must have something in his
K27  52 pocket to show people. ^To talk about. ^He grabbed his bullet.
K27  53    |^Then he saw his hairbrush. ^At school boys hit their chests with
K27  54 hairbrushes to look like measles. ^His hand hovered over the brush.
K27  55 ^His father would see through it though. ^It might start him on one of
K27  56 those speeches about, *'When I was a shy lad, Peter-son.**' ^Then his
K27  57 mother would say, ^*'You're a very pretty little boy, darling, people
K27  58 *1love *0you. ^Be brave, lamb.**'
K27  59    |^He shuddered, feeling weaker than ever, and made a tough, twisted
K27  60 face into the mirror. ^He felt its contours carefully, and determined
K27  61 to keep it there all evening. ^No; he couldn't because he loved
K27  62 Rosemary.
K27  63    |^Suddenly he knew he had been thinking about the Ding and the
K27  64 scurf in his hair so as not to have to think of her. ^His legs might
K27  65 melt away if he thought about her now. ^They couldn't make him go to
K27  66 the dance though if he suddenly had to walk on his knuckles like the
K27  67 pavement artist outside the National Gallery. ^He thought about
K27  68 Rosemary, but her picture wouldn't come into his mind. ^He watched his
K27  69 legs in their sharp trousers, but they only shook like the cotton
K27  70 sails of a Firefly when the wind veered.
K27  71    |^In the car he said nothing. ^His mother was going on to one of
K27  72 her dotty parties, so she was practicing dotty remarks on him. ^She
K27  73 was practicing smoking cigarettes too, because she only smoked them at
K27  74 parties.
K27  75    |^He had to be casual; even bored about the dance. ^If his mother
K27  76 knew about Rosemary he would probably have to wear a paper bag over
K27  77 his head for the rest of his life; if he didn't fall through the floor
K27  78 of the car first and get crushed. ^He thought about that sort of death
K27  79 for a moment or two.
K27  80    |^His fingers moved from pocket to pocket of the stiff new suit
K27  81 until they found the live bullet. ^If he held it against his head and
K27  82 prayed, or scratched the tiny soft pimple of lead, it might go off.
K27  83 ^*'Peter is dead,**' his mother would have to say. ^*'If there are
K27  84 spare sausages and things I expect Rosemary will like them cold for
K27  85 lunch tomorrow.**'
K27  86    |^He thought about Rosemary's house. ^It didn't seem to have a real
K27  87 existence in a real place like his flannel in the bathroom, or his
K27  88 bicycle in the shed. ^He wondered how his mother would find it.
K27  89 ^Anyway, she didn't seem to be able to keep a car going in a straight
K27  90 line for very long, as other cars he'd been in managed to do. ^He
K27  91 lurched against the car door, but the bullet didn't go off.
K27  92    |^*'Tipsy taxi,**' his mother called happily.
K27  93    |^Peter was thrown forward. ^If he wasn't being pushed about by
K27  94 people he was being bounced around inside cars like a rag doll.
K27  95 ^Everyone else had the power. ^He began to feel limp, exhausted,
K27  96 calmer; almost to enjoy alternately having his head banged against the
K27  97 windscreen, and his neck dislocated on the back of the seat. ^He was a
K27  98 punch-drunk boxer sticking it out. ^No; a Christian being thrown to
K27  99 the lions.
K27 100    |^He tried to feel himself dancing with Rosemary. ^Or rather to
K27 101 feel himself stumbling clumsily after her as she led him with
K27 102 movements light as an angel. ^The lurching of the car had dazed his
K27 103 brain. ^Perhaps this year, dancing with her, he would get that strange
K27 104 feeling he got that time when he crashed down on the tiny drip Hunter
K27 105 in the rugger match and somehow just hadn't wanted to get up again, or
K27 106 let go of him, though the whistle was blowing furiously.
K27 107    |^Peter jerked suddenly upright in the car with his face on fire
K27 108 and his hands shaking. ^The shock of the idea raised a lump in his
K27 109 throat like a mole-hill thrown up in an instant of time. ^There did
K27 110 seem to be something alive and scratching there too. ^He was *1in love
K27 111 *0with Rosemary. ^It would be dirty to think of hugging her, whilst a
K27 112 *1kiss...
K27 113    |^*0He wanted to go to the lavatory, and laid his hand on his
K27 114 mother's arm. ^She was wrestling with the steering-wheel like Tarzan
K27 115 with the Wolf Girl and didn't notice. ^He forgot all about the
K27 116 lavatory, and instead decided that if there would be any time in his
K27 117 whole life when he could convert a try from the twenty-five yard line
K27 118 it was this very second. ^Of course it would be with the Baby Game
K27 119 rugger ball, not one of the full size ones.
K27 120    |^He was beginning to hear the music of the first Paul Jones in his
K27 121 head now. ^He knew it would leave him facing Rosemary, but that he
K27 122 would immediately seize one of the forty fat ugly girls who stood each
K27 123 side of her. ^Probably he would start to sulk in the middle of the
K27 124 dance and have to pretend to be very interested in the pattern of the
K27 125 wallpaper. ^Perhaps they would think he was an artist. ^The whole
K27 126 thing might be bearable if her mother didn't sit there all the time on
K27 127 the sofa like a queen with silver hair. ^She watched him too. ^And her
K27 128 father could be just like his and say things like, ^*'*1Your *0playing
K27 129 fields flood last term? ^My youngest lad's did, you know. ^Now do pull
K27 130 yourself together and dance with the girls. ^Come along! ^Want a spot
K27 131 of whisky? ^Ho! ^Ho! ^Ho!**'
K27 132    |^Peter found that he was out of the car with unfamiliar gravel
K27 133 under his feet. ^His mother wasn't kissing him. ^There was light in a
K27 134 great glass house; shadows moving with music and laughter. ^Now a
K27 135 brighter rectangle of light appeared in the centre of the confusion
K27 136 and he was stumbling towards the open door.
K27 137    |^Rosemary's mother was holding out her long hand like the branch
K27 138 of a willow tree over the river. ^Her hair couldn't really be
K27 139 thunder-sky blue. ^Peter took the drooping hand, and looked at her
K27 140 just long enough to be polite, and to see if she was really like she
K27 141 always seemed to be in his dream. ^She said something, and then
K27 142 somehow *1willed *0him in to the dance room.
K27 143    |^Music and movement was all around him, bumping against the walls.
K27 144 ^He was snatched in to a revolving chain of boys; not, though, before
K27 145 he had had time to notice that they all had real dinner jackets.
K27 146    |^The music stopped. ^In the inner circle of girls Rosemary was
K27 147 facing him exactly. ^She smiled. ^So he did. ^Then he shifted his feet
K27 148 and looked at the floor. ^Now he was doing it; taking one of the fat
K27 149 ugly girls on her left. ^He thought he saw Rosemary lift her chin in a
K27 150 funny way. ^But he knew she must like one of the boys on his either
K27 151 side better than him. ^He couldn't just *1take *0her like that
K27 152 straight away.
K27 153    |^*'How old are you?**' the fat girl asked. ^*'Thirteen,**' said
K27 154 Peter.
K27 155    |^*'You must be one of Rosemary's friends not Jane's then.**' ^The
K27 156 girl was looking at his suit now. ^*'I have a little sister who
K27 157 crashes *1my *0parties and asks kids of *1her *0own age,**' she added.
K27 158    |^*'How old are you?**' Peter asked stiffly.
K27 159    |^The fat girl stared at him; pulling him around the floor as if he
K27 160 were a sack of something. ^*'You don't ask a girl things like that.**'
K27 161    |^Peter was exasperated. ^*'Well how do you know how old they
K27 162 *1are?**'
K27 163    |^*'That *0is just the point,**' the girl said carefully. ^*'It
K27 164 isn't intended that the *1male *0should know.**'
K27 165    |^Then she let go of Peter promptly, though the music hadn't
K27 166 stopped.
K27 167    |^The music began again, and he was dragged into the revolving
K27 168 circle of *'males**' inside which the smaller circle of girls was
K27 169 spinning in the opposite direction.
K27 170    |^This time Rosemary was nowhere to be seen and an ugly thin girl
K27 171 grabbed *1him *0with more haste than was really polite. ^Peter
K27 172 determined to get in first.
K27 173    |^*'Where do you go to school?**' he asked, pretending to be
K27 174 interested and sort of intense the way his mother was at her dotty
K27 175 parties.
K27 176    |^The ugly thin girl told him. ^*'Why's it called a *1ladies'
K27 177 *0college?**' he said. ^This time he actually was intrigued. ^*'Are
K27 178 you very*- are you grown up, I mean. ^At Cheltenham *1university?**'
K27 179    |^*0The girl just giggled and pressed him nearer to her breasts.
K27 180 ^Peter swallowed twice very quickly. ^Then the music stopped again and
K27 181 he began to think there was something unsatisfactory about a
K27 182 succession of brief relationships that were imposed and dissolved
K27 183 wholly at the discretion of a loud gramophone record.
K27 184    |^He caught a glimpse of Rosemary and at once fell into a trance.
K27 185 ^It occurred to him that now he had seen her the vision might be made
K27 186 to last another year, and so there was no reason why he should stay at
K27 187 the dance any longer.
K27 188 *# 2013
K28   1 **[402 TEXT K28**]
K28   2 ^*0Finally Julian re-crossed his legs, and concentrated on the news.
K28   3 ^When Janet brought in tea he said:
K28   4    |^*'Tell her we've got too many people coming, then. ^It won't
K28   5 deceive her, but it will please you.**'
K28   6    |^*'No,**' said Janet, tired, *'I shall ask her. ^You'd make us
K28   7 miserable if I didn't. ^I shall ask her. ^Have you taken your pill, by
K28   8 the way?**'
K28   9    |^He smiled and felt hastily in his waistcoat pocket, apologetic
K28  10 with victory. ^Janet drank her tea and compressed her lips, warming
K28  11 her legs at the large coal fire.
K28  12    |
K28  13    |^They were assembled in the hall that was large enough to be a
K28  14 room, drinking sherry before dinner, on Christmas Eve. ^Julian's
K28  15 mother, small and stout, in a lavender woolly and lavender skirt,
K28  16 smiled at each member of the family as they came up to talk. ^She
K28  17 alone sat down, a dignity due to age. ^Janet's widowed sister, Doris,
K28  18 trotted in and out with more glasses: a robust, sensible woman,
K28  19 similar to Janet in appearance. ^The elder grandchildren drank
K28  20 self-consciously. ^Julian's brother, Paul, leaned on the back of old
K28  21 \0Mrs. Harford's chair, and avoided his wife, May. ^He had been
K28  22 drinking too much again. ^Julian wondered why, and was too afraid to
K28  23 find out. ^The youngest children were in bed, ready to wake at 3
K28  24 {0a.m.} and open their presents. ^Someone had given John a drum,
K28  25 blast them. ^And Celia had telephoned in the afternoon, breathlessly,
K28  26 saying that the car had broken down and she was bringing a friend*-
K28  27 was that all right?**'
K28  28    |^*'I'm not putting them in the same room,**' whispered Janet
K28  29 furiously. ^*'I won't countenance cheap affairs at Christmas, with a
K28  30 house full of impressionable young people!**'
K28  31    |^*'It might be a girl-friend,**' said Julian rationally,
K28  32 untruthfully.
K28  33    |^Janet gave a swift, sharp snort and flounced past him.
K28  34    |^Julian's eldest daughter, the one person he loved as much as
K28  35 Celia, was coming downstairs. ^She was happy to be home for Christmas,
K28  36 and this time with her first baby to steal attention. ^Julian patted
K28  37 her as she walked past.
K28  38    |^*'Everything all right, Sue?**'
K28  39    |^She nodded and smiled. ^He hoped her husband, a nice enough young
K28  40 chap, was good to her. ^She seemed to like him, anyway. ^They were
K28  41 usually squeezing each other's hands and sidling together. ^Perhaps it
K28  42 would work out, but time made a difference. ^Celia and that Forster
K28  43 fellow had been wild about each other. ^Julian put up the money for
K28  44 their elopement and never told anyone: it rankled with him.
K28  45    |^*'I don't think we should keep the dinner back much longer, do
K28  46 you?**' said Janet, on a rising tone.
K28  47    |^*'No, dear. ^Of course not,**' said Doris, who agreed with her.
K28  48    |^*'Celia won't mind, I'm sure,**' said Julian, nervous for her
K28  49 reception.
K28  50    |^Paul smiled into his sherry as though it were having a private
K28  51 joke. ^Old \0Mrs. Harford began stiffly to rise, helped by her sons.
K28  52    |^Julian's head ached as he lead his mother into the dining-room.
K28  53 ^All these people, he thought, and I don't care much for any of them.
K28  54 ^What a stupid, expensive hypocrisy, family Christmas. ^If Sue wasn't
K28  55 here, if Celia wasn't coming*- nothing in it for me. ^Nothing in it at
K28  56 all.
K28  57    |^He looked down the double row of family faces, eating, drinking,
K28  58 talking, and wondered whether they felt the same. ^And he counted the
K28  59 people he had really loved, in his life: the ones he would die for,
K28  60 gladly. ^There didn't seem to be very many. ^It was a bit of a waste,
K28  61 spending your life with people you didn't want. ^Why not collect round
K28  62 you the odd few you loved, and spend it with them instead?
K28  63    |^A commotion in the hall. ^Julian's heart beat rapidly and he bent
K28  64 over his soup and pretended not to notice.
K28  65    |^*'That will be Celia,**' said Janet, and scraped her chair back,
K28  66 her napkin clutched in her large capable hand.
K28  67    |^A flutter passed visibly round the table. ^Celia was a
K28  68 disturbance, pleasant or unpleasant according to taste. ^The door was
K28  69 flung open and Julian felt her presence a few feet behind him. ^Her
K28  70 light, quick voice pattered out a vague and charming list of woes.
K28  71    |^*'Hallo, hallo,**' said Julian, pushing back his chair. ^*'Merry
K28  72 Christmas, \0C.**'
K28  73    |^He got up and took both her hands in his, kissed her cold cheek.
K28  74 ^Her voice bubbled past his ear as she answered and kissed him, but he
K28  75 could not have told what she said. ^Janet and Doris were looking
K28  76 stuffy and mottled in their tight best dresses.
K28  77    |^*'Everybody's so smart!**' wailed Celia, throwing her fur coat on
K28  78 a side table. ^It fell, with a silky thud, on the carpet. ^Someone
K28  79 picked it up.
K28  80    |^*'I just came as I was,**' said Celia, and had contrived to make
K28  81 the others feel over-dressed, *'in my old sweater and skirt. ^But I've
K28  82 brought you lovely, lovely presents. ^Let me show you*-**'
K28  83    |^*'After dinner,**' said Janet briskly. ^*'Do come and sit down,
K28  84 Celia. ^And what have you done with your friend?**'
K28  85    |^*'Oh my God!**' said Celia, *'I forgot. ^Yoo-hoo. ^Mark, sweetie.
K28  86 ^Come and meet my lovely family.**'
K28  87    |^She was determined in her gaiety, in her clinging to a style of
K28  88 prettiness which had suited her when she was young.
K28  89    |^*'Come on!**' she called, nervous and laughing. ^*'He's shy.
K28  90 ^Poor Mark.**'
K28  91    |^Perhaps he sensed that he was {6*1de trop} *0before he came in
K28  92 because his entrance was both dignified and defiant. ^A universal gasp
K28  93 among the family. ^Celia had done it again. ^Lean, tall and personable
K28  94 though Mark was*- he was an African.
K28  95    |^*'What a terrible thing,**' whispered Doris, *'and mother the age
K28  96 she is, too.**'
K28  97    |^*'At Christmas,**' said Janet.
K28  98    |^Celia held Mark's hand and smiled into his face. ^She had the
K28  99 ability to concentrate herself on one person at one time and it took
K28 100 some of the uncertainty from his expression.
K28 101    |^*'They're awfully glad you've come,**' said Celia to him, as
K28 102 though the room were empty. ^*'He plays the trumpet,
K28 103 professionally,**' she said, turning to them. ^*'I made him bring it.
K28 104 ^After dinner he'll play the blues. ^Markie,**' she said, touching her
K28 105 throat with a gesture that tore Julian, *'just gets me when he plays
K28 106 the trumpet.**'
K28 107    |^Still the family had not come up to scratch. ^Her wide-spaced
K28 108 blue eyes garnered and sorted the message. ^Her smile wavered.
K28 109    |^*'We're awfully hungry,**' she said, *'awfully hungry, Julian.**'
K28 110    |^*'Delighted,**' said Julian, jerked by her appeal into shaking
K28 111 Mark's hand. ^*'Do sit down, both of you. ^You must certainly play for
K28 112 us, if you will, \0Mr. er*-**'
K28 113    |^*'Just call him *"Mark**",**' said Celia. ^*'Second names are so
K28 114 unfriendly, and his is unpronounceable. ^How is everybody? ^Darling
K28 115 Mummy, always so sweet. ^Doris. ^Janet. ^May. ^Sue, have you brought
K28 116 little poppet? ^I must see him. ^Do you adore him frantically?*- lucky
K28 117 you. ^And dear Paul*- oh, Paul.**'
K28 118    |^*'Yes,**' said Paul, *'I'm drinking too much, \0C.**'
K28 119    |^*'But why?**'
K28 120    |^Julian wished he could have asked this, but he listened.
K28 121    |^*'Because,**' said Paul, *'a family is like a bloody great pillow
K28 122 on your face. ^Suffocation. ^And I drink to forget that terrible
K28 123 fact.**'
K28 124    |^*'Oh, Paul!**' everyone said, laughing to cover up the truth.
K28 125    |^*'I'm surrounded,**' said Paul, *'by people I wish well. ^I do
K28 126 wish you well. ^And I wish you well away. ^You're all lovely. ^Good,
K28 127 clean-living, strong-minded, short-sighted salts of the earth. ^There
K28 128 is no spot in you. ^But for Christ's sake why can't you be salty
K28 129 without *1me? ^*0Why don't you let *1me *0alone?**'
K28 130    |^*'We'll have a long talk afterwards, Paulie,**' said Celia,
K28 131 touching the back of his hand. ^*'Eat your dinner, darling.**'
K28 132    |^Comforted, keeping himself fastidiously from contact with his
K28 133 wife or his wife's chair, he began to cut his meat into smaller and
K28 134 smaller pieces.
K28 135    |^Julian formed a picture of Celia by frequent glances. ^She must
K28 136 be touching up her hair, it never used to be quite that auburn shade,
K28 137 more of a russet. ^She had noticeable lines round eyes and mouth and
K28 138 her neck was hollowed. ^In repose her face showed her age, but Celia
K28 139 was rarely still. ^She was dressed in some pretty, fuzzy material:
K28 140 dark, soft blue and no jewellery.
K28 141    |^*'You're looking well, \0C.,**' said Julian, and cleared his
K28 142 throat.
K28 143    |^A cross-current of conversation prevented her reply.
K28 144    |^*'But I always put my babies on pots right away,**' said old
K28 145 \0Mrs. Harford, reprovingly.
K28 146    |^*'But it's such a waste of time, the book says...**'
K28 147    |*'...and it saved nappies and got them into good habits.**'
K28 148    |^*'Put a pillow on his face and get him out of it,**' said Paul to
K28 149 himself, *'it's kinder in the long run...**'
K28 150    |^*'I know you don't like sprouts,**' said Doris, flustered, *'but
K28 151 you've no need to make such a fuss. ^One would think you were seven,
K28 152 instead of seventeen.**'
K28 153    |^*'More gravy, Mother?**' said Janet.
K28 154    |^*'Staying in England long, \0Mr. er*- Mark?**' asked Julian
K28 155 courteously.
K28 156    |^*'I don't quite know, sir,**' said Mark.
K28 157    |^His deep voice jolted the family, and two rows of heads ducked to
K28 158 their plates, silenced.
K28 159    |^*'He's staying at my flat just now,**' said Celia, and they all
K28 160 started to talk at once.
K28 161    |^Julian, exchanging glances with Paul, caught a curious look in
K28 162 Celia's eyes, of irony and sadness.
K28 163    |^*'I hate family Christmas,**' said Paul, loudly.
K28 164    |^She leaned forward, at once aware of him: a child to be
K28 165 comforted.
K28 166    |^*'Never mind, sweetie. ^Never mind.**'
K28 167    |^And Mark could play. ^Licking his purplish lips, first, then
K28 168 raising the trumpet as though it were a taste of wine: setting his
K28 169 mouth to it as though it were a girl to be kissed. ^His long back and
K28 170 legs, his narrow hips, arched into one effortless curve: an attitude
K28 171 for the trumpet. ^And he played. ^The younger ones and Celia urged him
K28 172 on. ^He drank water, rested, smiled, and played again. ^His music ran
K28 173 in their ears, darker than his skin, sweeter than honey. ^They sat on
K28 174 the stairs, listening. ^Old \0Mrs. Harford fell asleep. ^Paul,
K28 175 stupified, shut his eyes. ^Julian stood, a little awkwardly, against
K28 176 the newel post, and applauded loudly. ^He had little knowledge of
K28 177 music but he wanted Celia to feel that he approved of her friend. ^She
K28 178 squeezed his arm and smiled, translating him. ^Doris and Janet
K28 179 disappeared, alienated, to discuss to-morrow's Christmas lunch, and
K28 180 Celia's latest \6*1gaffe. ^*0Sue thought her baby was crying, though
K28 181 no one else noticed. ^She hurried up the stairs: in the earliest stage
K28 182 of loving him. ^She would have carried him about with her all the time
K28 183 if it were socially permissible.
K28 184    |^*'Now, sir,**' said Mark to Julian, in his dark, slow voice,
K28 185 *'what can I play for you?**'
K28 186    |^He implied compliment and Julian was flustered, afraid of failing
K28 187 him. ^Celia leaned forward, her hair swinging past her brother's bulky
K28 188 waistcoat.
K28 189    |^*'Play *"Savoy Blues**", Markie, darling. ^Jule doesn't know the
K28 190 name but he knows the tune.**'
K28 191    |^Mark began to make melancholy love with the trumpet and Julian
K28 192 was stricken as by Celia's pathos at dinner. ^His eyes sharpened for
K28 193 an instant with tears which he was concerned to hide.
K28 194    |^What's wrong with me, this Christmas? he wondered, finding no
K28 195 answer. ^Only it seemed to him that he was suddenly middle-aged and
K28 196 had never possessed what he truly desired.
K28 197    |^Composed, he turned to smile at Celia and found his mood
K28 198 reflected in her face. ^He concentrated again on Mark, and clapped
K28 199 louder than anyone else when it was over.
K28 200    |^*'Again, sir?**' said Mark, absorbed, respectful.
K28 201    |^He had noticed something. ^Dignified beggar.
K28 202    |^*'No, no, thank you. ^I enjoyed it, though. ^Tremendously. ^Old
K28 203 favourite of mine. ^Thank you very much.**'
K28 204    |^Mark bowed and stood silent.
K28 205    |^*'I think we'll have some family carols now,**' said Janet in a
K28 206 high, bright voice, *'and Mama must go to bed. ^Come along, darling.
K28 207 ^Where's Sue got to? ^That baby of hers will be ruined. ^She picks him
K28 208 up every time he cries.**'
K28 209    |^As Janet passed Julian she stared through him; her powdery skin
K28 210 flushed on the cheekbones; her best court shoes uncomfortable and
K28 211 smart. ^She trod on Celia's fuzzy skirt as she sat, rapt, at the foot
K28 212 of the stairs.
K28 213    |^*'Sorry, Celia,**' said Janet heartily, *'but we're getting Mama
K28 214 to bed.**'
K28 215 *# 2005
K29   1 **[403 TEXT K29**]
K29   2 *<*5Christopher Hollis*>
K29   3 *<The Wind of Change*>
K29   4    |^*6T*0HE FIRST white settlers came to the Highlands in 1904 and
K29   5 therefore an old man like Kungo could remember a time before there was
K29   6 a white man in the land. ^He had seen the Serkali, as the Kikuyus
K29   7 called the British Government, come, and if he could only manage to
K29   8 live a few years longer, there seemed every likelihood that he would
K29   9 see them go. ^The whole business was turning out to be that of but one
K29  10 long lifetime. ^Kungo sat outside his \*1thingira*- *0his bachelor's
K29  11 hut*- and watched the hot equatorial sun going down the sky. ^He had
K29  12 called to his senior wife to bring him some beer. ^She made her beer
K29  13 out of sugar-cane and he preferred her brew to that of any of his
K29  14 other wives. ^She brought him a calabash and he sat drinking it, and
K29  15 as he drank, he meditated. ^The memories of a life came back to him.
K29  16    |^The first white men to come to Nanyuki were the missionaries, and
K29  17 the first of them whom Kungo ever met was Father McCarthy. ^That was a
K29  18 very long time ago*- more, far more, than a hundred seasons*- for
K29  19 Kungo always reckoned his time by the seasons of six months, since the
K29  20 rains and the crops come every six months. ^He did not reckon in years
K29  21 as the white men so absurdly do. ^Kungo remembered Father McCarthy
K29  22 well*- a tall, white old man with piercing eyes. ^He was a good man
K29  23 and a kind man, and he and his fellow priests had taught Kungo and the
K29  24 other tribesmen some lessons which they had been glad to learn. ^They
K29  25 had shown them how they could plant their crops and tend them so that
K29  26 the yield would be increased. ^They had cast a spell on the tsetse fly
K29  27 so that it did not eat their herds and they could now drive their
K29  28 herds into districts where herds had never been able to go before.
K29  29 ^They had shown them how to build up their land on the hillsides in
K29  30 terraces, so that the rain no longer washed all their soil away. ^All
K29  31 these were good lessons. ^Once when his first wife was ill, Father
K29  32 McCarthy had taken her to Nyeri to a bad-smelling house called a
K29  33 hospital, where a white witch-doctor had cut her open with a panga and
K29  34 snatched out from her stomach the devil by which she was bewitched
K29  35 within. ^He had then sown **[SIC**] her up with a needle, and, after a
K29  36 time she had come back to him cured and able to bear more children.
K29  37 ^This, too, was a good thing to have done, and seemed to show that the
K29  38 white witch-doctors*- their \*1mundumugu*- *0had more powerful spells
K29  39 than had the \*1mundumugu *0of the Kikuyu. ^If so, it must be that
K29  40 their God was more powerful than the Kikuyu's Ngai, and indeed Kungo
K29  41 had for a time accepted the God of Father McCarthy*- had become a
K29  42 servant of the Bwana Jesus*- and had defied the old law of Ngai. ^It
K29  43 had seemed to him clear when his wife came back from the hospital that
K29  44 it was the Christian God who now sat on Kerinyaga in place of Ngai.
K29  45 ^But in his old age he did not feel so sure. ^A hyena had left its
K29  46 droppings near his \*1thingira. ^*0He looked at them with disgust and
K29  47 with terror. ^Father McCarthy, he well knew, would have said that a
K29  48 hyena's droppings were a hyena's droppings and nothing more. ^But all
K29  49 the Kikuyu believe that there is a \*1thahu*- *0a curse*- in a hyena's
K29  50 droppings. ^Would it not be as well to go to the \*1mundumugu, *0to
K29  51 kill a goat and get purification from the \*1thahu? *0He did not say
K29  52 that the Bwana Jesus was not powerful for evil, as Father McCarthy had
K29  53 taught. ^But was that any reason why Ngai should not be powerful, too?
K29  54 ^Might it not be that there were many gods, all of whom had their
K29  55 power for evil? and was it not sensible prudence to avoid offending
K29  56 any of the gods?
K29  57    |^Besides, though Father McCarthy was a good and kind man and
K29  58 taught lessons which they did well to learn, he also said things which
K29  59 it was less easy to believe and which Kungo had never been able to
K29  60 find sensible. ^When Father McCarthy came, Kungo was still a young
K29  61 man. ^He had just bought his second wife. ^Father McCarthy told him
K29  62 that he should not have more than one wife. ^*"What then should he do
K29  63 with the second wife?**" he asked. ^Should he just turn her out to
K29  64 starve? ^If he sent her back to her parents, they would certainly not
K29  65 return the bride-price with which he had bought her. ^Oh, no, said
K29  66 Father McCarthy, he should keep her, but he should not use her as a
K29  67 wife. ^This was plain madness.
K29  68    |
K29  69    |^*6I*0T HAD seemed to him plain madness, but at least he had
K29  70 imagined that, mad or not, it was the custom of the white man. ^Father
K29  71 McCarthy and the other priests with him had a special \*1thahu,
K29  72 *0placed upon them by the Bwana Jesus, which forbade them to lie with
K29  73 women at all, but he soon learnt that this \*1thahu *0did not fall
K29  74 upon all white men*- that some white men did lie with women*- and
K29  75 indeed when, shortly afterwards, a white man, Bwana Dillon, came and
K29  76 built a shamba and set up a farm amongst them, he brought a memsaab
K29  77 with him and for a time he lived with her. ^Among the white men, Kungo
K29  78 was told, a man has one single wife. ^It seemed a strange custom and
K29  79 it was hard to see for what purpose a man would trouble to make
K29  80 himself rich, if he could not buy more women with his riches.
K29  81 ^Nevertheless, if that was the white man's custom, he had said, so be
K29  82 it. ^Kungo was not greatly concerned to understand. ^Then after a time
K29  83 Bwana Dillon's memsaab went away. ^They said that she had left him and
K29  84 had gone over the sea to a country called England. ^For a time Bwana
K29  85 Dillon lived, it seemed, alone. ^Then one day, he too went away, and
K29  86 when he came back he brought with him another memsaab. ^He had, so
K29  87 Kungo was told, been what was called divorced and had married a new
K29  88 wife. ^Indeed after a time he divorced that wife too, and married a
K29  89 third. ^Father McCarthy had left by then, so Kungo was not able to
K29  90 consult him to find if he had understood it rightly, but it appeared
K29  91 that among the white men it was possible for a man to have as many
K29  92 wives as he liked, provided that he only had one at a time. ^This
K29  93 surely, Kungo thought, was not a sensible arrangement. ^It was much
K29  94 better for a man to have all his wives at the same time, as then the
K29  95 wives could share out among themselves both the burden of the work and
K29  96 the burden of child-bearing. ^The white man's arrangement did not seem
K29  97 to him to be fair on the women. ^It is right that women should control
K29  98 their desires. ^For that reason, said Kungo, do we circumcise them,
K29  99 and, if one of my wives runs away to lie with another man, then, as is
K29 100 the custom, I bind a hot stone beneath her knee-caps to cripple her
K29 101 tendons, so that she can never run again. ^This is obviously common
K29 102 sense. ^But how can one expect a woman to control her desires if she
K29 103 is the only woman who can serve her man?
K29 104    |^Kungo of course had, like all Kikuyu, ever since his boyhood,
K29 105 lain with any girls wherever opportunity offered. ^Since Ngai had
K29 106 given him his desires it was but natural and right to satisfy them.
K29 107 ^He had always been careful in obeying the custom of the tribe. ^He
K29 108 knew well that it was wrong to impregnate an unmarried girl, for to do
K29 109 so would reduce her bride-price and would thus be an injustice to her
K29 110 parents. ^Therefore he had never sought to lift the second apron which
K29 111 all unmarried girls wear in copulation to guard themselves against
K29 112 being impregnated. ^But to lie with a girl could not be wrong.
K29 113 ^Indeed, if there were no fornication, how could the girls tell which
K29 114 men they liked and which they disliked? ^Yet Father McCarthy told him
K29 115 that fornication, too, was wrong*- that it was wrong to lie with any
K29 116 woman unless a man was married to her. ^This also he found strange and
K29 117 once again, when he came to know other bwanas*- bwanas who had not,
K29 118 like Father McCarthy, fallen under the \*1thahu *0which forbade them
K29 119 to lie with women*- he found that this custom was by no means a
K29 120 general custom of the white man. ^Bwana Dillon had after a few years
K29 121 got tired of farming. ^So he started instead what he called a Country
K29 122 Club for the rich bwanas and for bwanas who came from over the sea,
K29 123 where they could go and get drunk when they got tired of looking at
K29 124 the wild animals. ^Bwana Dillon hired Kungo to come and work in that
K29 125 Club, and it was thus that Kungo came to learn something of the ways
K29 126 of the white man. ^He had seen how in their dances the white men and
K29 127 women held one another obscenely, the arm of the man around the woman
K29 128 as if she was a whore, and as he brought them their drinks he would
K29 129 often hear the white men talking easily and casually of the women with
K29 130 whom they had lain. ^They did not know that he understood English and
K29 131 therefore talked before him without restraint, but, though he did not
K29 132 know all English words, he had early got to know the words which the
K29 133 English most commonly used*- such as those for food and drink, the
K29 134 Government, and fornication, and motor cars*- which were the subjects
K29 135 upon which they mainly talked.
K29 136    |
K29 137    |^*6W*0HAT Kungo could not for some time understand was why, though
K29 138 those bwanas lay with unmarried girls and though the girls did not use
K29 139 a second apron, yet it did not seem often to happen that the girls had
K29 140 children. ^It was not until he was an old man that one day his son,
K29 141 who, as was the way of the world, had left the shamba and gone to work
K29 142 in a hotel in Nairobi, explained to him that the white women did have
K29 143 a second apron of a sort, which they put on when they lay with men and
K29 144 which guarded them against pregnancy. ^Or sometimes it was the man who
K29 145 brought the apron as a gift when he came to lie with the woman. ^The
K29 146 white woman's second apron was, said his son, a small apron of rubber.
K29 147 ^He had often seen it among the luggage of the guests at the hotel and
K29 148 a friend had explained to him its purpose. ^Kungo had then understood
K29 149 why white unmarried women were not more often pregnant, but, if so,
K29 150 why did they object to the Kikuyu girls if they wore a second apron,
K29 151 which was surely in every way a more seemly and decent habit and in
K29 152 accordance with the custom? ^White people, it seemed, when one looked
K29 153 into it, did much the same things as Africans, though in a less
K29 154 reasonable fashion. ^It was only that they talked differently and
K29 155 pretended to act differently.
K29 156    |^It was natural that a man should wish to beget as many children
K29 157 as possible, and the more wives he had, the more children could he
K29 158 beget and with the less inconvenience. ^A rich man*- it was only
K29 159 reasonable*- would buy as many women and as fat and with as broad
K29 160 pelvises as he could afford. ^Besides, since it was forbidden for a
K29 161 man to lie with his wife for twenty-four months after she had born him
K29 162 a child, for fear that her milk would fall on him and cause a
K29 163 \*1thahu, *0or when a cow was about to calve, it was necessary that he
K29 164 should have more than one wife.
K29 165 *# 2024
        **[END**]