L01 001 **[474 TEXT L01**]
L01 002 *<*4Gerard*>
L01 003 |^*0I dreamt last week that Gerard Te Heu Heu was standing in
L01 004 front of me and saying over and over, *"^I want to tell you
L01 005 something, I want to tell you something....,**" which is strange
L01 006 because I haven't seen Gerard for almost four years. ^And I
L01 007 wondered why I was dreaming about someone who I hadn't seen for so
L01 008 long and who I'd never had much to do with. ^I mean, we were at
L01 009 secondary school together, but we were never really good friends.
L01 010    |^Gerard was the athletic type. ^He won sports awards and
L01 011 made the First *=XV and hung out with all the guys who thought
L01 012 that rugby was the world. ^I spent a lot of time by myself,
L01 013 reading and writing poems about how this boarding school was
L01 014 tearing my soul apart. ^But there were times when we did talk and
L01 015 we both liked the same types of music. ^And when Gerard couldn't
L01 016 remember the tune to a song, he would ask me to sing it and I'd
L01 017 always be shy, but he'd coax it out of me, telling me that I had a
L01 018 really neat voice. ^Then he'd sing it too. ^We sounded good
L01 019 together.
L01 020    |^I remember the first time we met in Third Form and he told
L01 021 me he'd fucked a girl who wasn't a virgin and I didn't even know
L01 022 what fuck meant. ^And then in Sixth Form, when he and his friends
L01 023 saw Liz and I in the city and later he told me what a cute couple
L01 024 we were and I told him that Liz was my almost sister and that I
L01 025 didn't have a girlfriend. ^Gerard went on about how he didn't
L01 026 either because everyone thought he was too stuck up on his own
L01 027 looks and did I think he was handsome.
L01 028    |^At the end of the Seventh Form, when we were watching
L01 029 \0T.V. alone, Gerard said he didn't know what he was going to do
L01 030 with his life when he left school and that he was sick of the
L01 031 macho shit his friends kept coming out with and that he'd miss me
L01 032 when I went to University in Auckland, and I couldn't figure that
L01 033 out because we'd never been that close. ^Then Gerard said,
L01 034 *"^Here,**" and held out his hand and I took it and we sat there
L01 035 holding hands for a while. ^Then he let go, got up and left.
L01 036    |^That was the last time I saw him I guess, until my dream.
L01 037 ^And in my dream he just kept saying those same words, *"^I want
L01 038 to tell you something, I want to tell you something....**"
L01 039    |^It's \0OK Gerard. ^I know already.
L01 040 *<*4Richard von Sturmer*>
L01 041 *<*6SLAP SLAP*>
L01 042 |^*0This is a story about two friends in a big city. ^He and I are
L01 043 their names. ^That's what we call ourselves, or at least that's
L01 044 what I calls them as I is the one who is telling this story. ^When
L01 045 I and he are together they become we, and when we part they become
L01 046 he and I again.
L01 047    |^Neither of them were born in the big city, they came there
L01 048 for an adventure. ^But they did not come together. ^He was there
L01 049 before I, and when I arrived they became a team. ^But, for the
L01 050 sake of continuity, let us call them, from now on, we, as we and
L01 051 they are really the same. ^We had the same background and were of
L01 052 the same stock. ^A team soon after the womb, so to speak. ^We
L01 053 shared a bath, went to the same kindergarten, to the same primary
L01 054 school and then to the same secondary school, when he was not
L01 055 being expelled. ^Anyway, that was all in a small city, and in the
L01 056 big city, one day, we were together once again.
L01 057    |^Hello you, he said on seeing I. ^Hello you, I replied. ^We
L01 058 slapped each other on the back. ^Not too hard, not too soft. ^A
L01 059 brisk slap slap. ^Then we went to catch a bus.
L01 060    |^He looked older since I last saw him. ^This was to be
L01 061 expected as some time had passed. ^We talked on the bus about what
L01 062 we should do. ^As I had just arrived, I let him do most of the
L01 063 talking, nodding the head in response when a response was
L01 064 required. ^He suggested that we find somewhere to live. ^His own
L01 065 place was no longer suitable, not for himself and especially not
L01 066 for a combination like he and I. ^Rent was called for, and rent
L01 067 was something I refused to contemplate. ^To live in the big city
L01 068 without paying rent, that was part of the dream. ^And he shared
L01 069 the same part and even the whole dream. ^So we set about the task
L01 070 of establishing ourselves.
L01 071    |^It happens, as things do happen, both in stories and in
L01 072 real life, that we found a place right next to the place in which
L01 073 he had lived. ^This place, our dwelling, stood empty on the side
L01 074 of a long street. ^We went round the back and climbed through a
L01 075 window. ^Inside there were two floors of empty rooms. ^One floor
L01 076 for I and the other for him. ^Our exits and our entrances would be
L01 077 made through the back window. ^The other windows, and the
L01 078 doorways, had been sealed up. ^He said, and he always thought
L01 079 ahead, that we would need a light. ^He then jumped into the back
L01 080 garden and found a pile of candles lying on the ground. ^He looked
L01 081 at the sky and said thank you. ^The you he addressed made no
L01 082 reply. ^And for all we knew that you might not exist, in that sky
L01 083 or any other. ^But we did appreciate the candles. ^Darkness was
L01 084 soon to follow, and we spent the night, or most of it, discussing
L01 085 what we should do the next day.
L01 086    |^In the morning he told I how he had seen a rat. ^After we
L01 087 parted, and before sleep, a rat had come out and looked at him. ^A
L01 088 rat with red eyes. ^I had nothing comparable to relate. ^I slept
L01 089 upstairs and rats prefer to be near the earth. ^I did hear the
L01 090 sound of a violin, while in a half-sleep, but a violin is not to
L01 091 be placed beside a rat. ^And his rat was a fearsome creature. ^He
L01 092 feared for his life, he admitted, and at the very least for his
L01 093 toes which were exposed at the end of his feet. ^But the rat did
L01 094 nothing but act the part of a rat. ^And for his part, I believed,
L01 095 he loved such details, and the relating of such details. ^That was
L01 096 his way. ^He was always like that.
L01 097    |^It should be stated, at this point, to avoid a
L01 098 misunderstanding, that he and I did not do everything together.
L01 099 ^In fact most days we divided up early in the morning and reformed
L01 100 again late in the aftermoon, or in the early evening. ^Our meeting
L01 101 place was a small restaurant further down the long street on which
L01 102 we lived. ^It was our habit to have a meal there and discuss the
L01 103 day's events. ^The meal consisted of a boney fish. ^This fish, and
L01 104 we had one each, was a marvel to behold as it was nothing but a
L01 105 skeleton covered by a flap of brown skin that tore apart like
L01 106 tissue paper. ^To try and find a scrap of flesh among the bones of
L01 107 the boney fish was our constant pleasure, and the restaurant, it
L01 108 must be said, also served excellent coffee.
L01 109    |^So we now had a haven, a haven to return to after a hard
L01 110 day in the big city. ^No one else was ever there, in the
L01 111 restaurant, apart from the manager who always took pride in
L01 112 presenting he and I with a plate of boney fish, a plate each, and
L01 113 then a knife, and then a fork, and then a basket of dry bread.
L01 114 ^After this came the coffee, which was excellent, as I has said,
L01 115 and then he and I would turn our chairs to face the window. ^From
L01 116 this position, at the end of each day, we enjoyed the sunset.
L01 117    |^But all was not rosy, ah no, all could not be said to be a
L01 118 bed of roses. ^Sometimes an element of risk entered the picture,
L01 119 like a blurred shape huddled in the corner, a blurred shape that
L01 120 threatened to take on a more formal aspect. ^Or to put it another
L01 121 way: while I, at times, was lightly touched by the hand of fate,
L01 122 he, more often than not, received a direct slap. ^He could be
L01 123 beaten about by circumstances while I, in another part of the big
L01 124 city, drifted through the day, experiencing the experiences that
L01 125 befitted a curious but somewhat detached soul. ^Can one speak of a
L01 126 soul? ^Perhaps one can. ^And the souls of he and I were remarkably
L01 127 in tune, whereas our individual destinies did not really
L01 128 correspond.
L01 129    |^One evening he failed to make our usual rendezvous of boney
L01 130 fish and sunset. ^Later in the night I heard the dull thud of a
L01 131 body falling through the window. ^As there was no glass in the
L01 132 window, and as the distance from window to floor was not great, I
L01 133 remained unconcerned and soon went back to sleep.
L01 134    |^The next day, on coming downstairs, I found he lying on his
L01 135 mattress. ^He smiled through the bruises and said it was
L01 136 wonderful. ^Not the pain, or the experience of pain, but the fact
L01 137 that he had had an adventure.
L01 138    |^This adventure began with he and his body. ^He regularly
L01 139 displayed his body to a group of art students and they would draw
L01 140 him in different positions. ^These positions were dictated by the
L01 141 way he arranged his limbs, or more precisely by the way the art
L01 142 teacher told he to arrange his limbs. ^After a morning of
L01 143 modelling, which was he's job, and of instructing others on how to
L01 144 draw the model, which was the art teacher's job, the art teacher
L01 145 asked he back to his home. ^There they began to drink and
L01 146 continued their drinking through the afternoon. ^At a certain
L01 147 point the art teacher told he to take off his clothes, and when he
L01 148 refused the art teacher then tried to do it for him, and when he
L01 149 was rebuffed the art teacher then took his own clothes off, and
L01 150 when this had no effect the art teacher then pulled his wife out
L01 151 of a nearby room.
L01 152    |^She was offered to he, right there, on the carpet, and he
L01 153 was shocked and left, as best he could, as he was somewhat drunk.
L01 154    |^The bus swayed, or he swayed on the bus, gripping the
L01 155 hand-straps and singing to himself. ^This is the next thing he
L01 156 remembered. ^Then he was lying face-down in the gutter with the
L01 157 sunset snuffed out and the stars beginning to glow above his head.
L01 158    |^What happened after that happened very quickly. ^Two sets
L01 159 of hands, one set under each armpit, hauled he up and dragged him
L01 160 towards the nearest pub. ^Once inside he was given a beer by two
L01 161 big men who saw that he'd been drinking, and appreciated his
L01 162 drunkenness (for this was a land where such things never go
L01 163 unappreciated), and therefore wanted he to drink some more. ^In a
L01 164 pause between beers, they asked him what he did for a crust, and
L01 165 he, who could still appreciate the humour of the situation while
L01 166 retaining no self-control, he said that he was a ballet dancer.
L01 167    |^A nasty silence followed, and this silence was followed, in
L01 168 turn, by the sound of fists hitting a body. ^Hairy fists, as he
L01 169 later recalled, and freckled.
L01 170    |^So he was beaten up, a classic beating-up. ^Afterwards, in
L01 171 the middle of the night, he crawled down the long street and fell
L01 172 back into bed. ^And this is where I found him the next morning.
L01 173    |^That was the way it turned out, more or less.
L01 174 *#
L02 001 **[475 TEXT L02**]
L02 002    |^*0As the spirit warmed her veins, Mary Newton came back
L02 003 to those who loved her. ^She felt the bedclothes, saw Anne
L02 004 Phelan with the glass, and, looming at the door, a figure she
L02 005 knew with a line of red from the corner of his mouth.
L02 006    |^In the days that followed, Walter went unmolested in
L02 007 Horeke. ^He had the protection of Anne and her gigantic
L02 008 husband, it may be he did not even need that. ^Men spoke of the
L02 009 courage that had taken his boat where death waited on the
L02 010 strand, lurked in the surf. ^It might be that he had killed his
L02 011 father. ^Well, well. ^His father had to die some day. ^Then
L02 012 again it might not be true. ^He said so and they were inclined
L02 013 to take his word. ^They were coming to like him more than they
L02 014 feared him. ^He was gentle of manner and so desperately in love
L02 015 that they laughed a little and liked him the more.
L02 016    |^So Walter roamed the Hokianga, a different Walter from
L02 017 the timorous man of a year ago. ^He had learned that the
L02 018 measure of a man's capacity is his belief in himself and with
L02 019 confidence had come power. ^Yet in his heart he thought he was
L02 020 the same sorry fraud as ever, bedecked in the trappings of
L02 021 men's esteem. ^Only a desperate strait could summon his
L02 022 resources, his father's spirit.
L02 023    |^Anne knew, as all Horeke knew, that Walter loved Mary and
L02 024 she knew what Horeke only guessed, that he was loved in return.
L02 025 ^Anne had heard his name on Mary's lips waking and sleeping.
L02 026 ^Each day she allowed him to the bedside, priding herself on
L02 027 the laundering of his blanket, the trim cut of his hair and
L02 028 beard. ^The wise little woman knew that the daily visit, those
L02 029 few moments an eternity apart, were colouring the cheeks of her
L02 030 patient faster than could any nostrum known to Pomphret. ^Daily
L02 031 the girl grew lovelier, daily her lover grew more diffident.
L02 032 ^The dancing lights in her hair, laid on the pillow by the
L02 033 simple art of Anne, the sweet mouth, so generous and impulsive,
L02 034 found him at her side tongue-tied. ^For the time was coming
L02 035 when this paradise would end. ^He must talk of themselves,
L02 036 declare himself a Pakeha-Maori and then, he supposed, go his
L02 037 way.
L02 038    |^Mary felt his hesitation for she had ever present in her
L02 039 mind her family's guilt. ^She knew that soon he would leave
L02 040 her, unable to accept the love she longed to give. ^A dread of
L02 041 the future grew in them both that some light word might bring
L02 042 them stumbling from their Eden.
L02 043    |^The end came. ^She was sitting in the garden for an hour
L02 044 of autumn sunshine, warm enough in those bland latitudes.
L02 045 ^Walter sat beside her, to sail as he said under false colours
L02 046 no longer. ^He blurted out the story of his tribe and of
L02 047 Ngaire.
L02 048    |^Mary showed no sign. ^What to Walter had looked so large
L02 049 seemed a small thing to her. ^She guessed that but for her
L02 050 first letter he would never have turned Pakeha-Maori.
L02 051    |*"^And this is all that's worrying you?**"
L02 052    |*"^Why, yes.**"
L02 053    |*"^You dear old stupid. ^My days weren't spent at the Bay
L02 054 not to understand that many a man turns thus for awhile. ^But
L02 055 you haven't mentioned my terrible news.**"
L02 056    |*"^What news?**"
L02 057    |*"^Why, all that I discovered in Sydney.**"
L02 058    |*"^Well, I swallowed the second half of your letter.**"
L02 059 ^He told her how this had happened.
L02 060    |*"^What was in the second half?**"
L02 061    |^Mary faltered. ^She was the one who had been sailing
L02 062 under false colours. ^Then with emboldened voice she told of
L02 063 her discovery that the man he hunted was her uncle.
L02 064    |^Walter had longed to learn all that the letter held, and
L02 065 now the knowledge was bitter. ^He sat clasping and unclasping
L02 066 his hands. ^Then, in as even a tone as he could master, he
L02 067 asked her proofs and with each detail his heart grew sick.
L02 068    |^That evening he left Horeke. ^They had exchanged
L02 069 promises, she to tell her uncle of his wish to meet him, he to
L02 070 give his enemy a chance to speak. ^That they owed each other.
L02 071    |^As his white blanket went down the track, Terence's arm
L02 072 around his shoulder, the girl knelt at the window, following
L02 073 his every movement. ^The meat roasting on the hearth was of his
L02 074 hunting, the chair on which she knelt he had made for her. ^Now
L02 075 he was going without her. ^Why, oh why, had they not let her
L02 076 die those bittersweet weeks ago?
L02 077 *<Chapter 23*>
L02 078 *<*6PATUONE*>
L02 079 **[BEGIN INDENTATION 1**]
L02 080 |^*1The chief (Patuone) made it his particular business to see
L02 081 me safe through every difficulty and many times he carried me
L02 082 himself.
L02 083 **[BEGIN INDENTATION 2**]
L02 084 |*0Earle
L02 085 **[END INDENTATION 2**]
L02 086 **[END INDENTATION 1**]
L02 087 |^*6T*0awitu the tohunga, renowned as the builder of
L02 088 Kukutaiapa, noted that Wata Korti had been long absent from his
L02 089 people. ^He had left the pa with a white man caught among the
L02 090 pigeons. ^He had saved the man's life only to kill him later
L02 091 on. ^Then he had boarded a ship for Sydney, so it was said, and
L02 092 gave such trouble that they clapped him in irons. ^Then Moetara
L02 093 attacked the ship, struck off his irons and took him on a raid
L02 094 against the Rarawa of the north. ^They pillaged a wreck and one
L02 095 of the passengers, a Pakeha girl, was captured and taken to
L02 096 Pakanae to a Pakeha doctor. ^There Wata Korti caused more
L02 097 trouble. ^He wrecked the storehouse of the ship**[ARB**]-
L02 098 builders and stole their store of rum and whisky, and had been
L02 099 living at the house of the sick girl ever since, all under
L02 100 Patuone's protection. ^It seemed he felt safer under Hokianga
L02 101 chiefs than with his tribe. ^There was no word of his return
L02 102 and it was likely that he would not come back as the boy Hone
L02 103 was at the mission at Horeke, and so Wata Korti would have two
L02 104 reasons for staying away.
L02 105    |^Tawitu decided he must go north and settle whether Walter
L02 106 was coming back, and perhaps at the same time, by tact or
L02 107 guile, reclaim to the tribe the fatherless boy at the mission.
L02 108 ^He chose a following suitable to his dignity, including
L02 109 Tekaka, and at the auspicious time, with proper rites, set off
L02 110 up the gorge of the Waiotemarama.
L02 111    |^As the tohunga was approaching the mission at Mangungu,
L02 112 Walter was in earnest conversation with Terence Phelan at
L02 113 Pakanae across the river. ^The *1Seashell, *0Ventnor's ship,
L02 114 might arrive at any time and Mary had promised to arrange a
L02 115 meeting between Walter and her uncle if he were aboard. ^So
L02 116 Walter asked Terence to see that any letter Mary might write
L02 117 should come down to Kukutaiapa by trusty messenger. ^Then he
L02 118 turned to cross the river to the mission. ^Though he had seen
L02 119 Hone occasionally he could not leave the boy without saying
L02 120 goodbye.
L02 121    |^Tekaka saw him first and ran to meet him. ^As Walter
L02 122 learned that Tawitu had reached the mission, he guessed what
L02 123 the old fox had come for. ^He heard voices raised in emphasis
L02 124 and he did little to lessen the heat. ^He denounced the tohunga
L02 125 for breaking the word of the tribe in claiming the boy, and
L02 126 Tawitu replied that Walter had deserted the tribe and had no
L02 127 power over the boy. ^The missionaries could hardly make
L02 128 themselves heard to tell of Hone's progress and the unwisdom of
L02 129 interrupting the good work.
L02 130    |^Walter and Tawitu were armed and violence was likely when
L02 131 all was quietened by the arrival of Patuone himself. ^He had
L02 132 heard that the far-famed tohunga Tawitu was in territory under
L02 133 his mana and he had hastened to welcome the illustrious
L02 134 newcomer. ^He heard the dispute and to the great man the whole
L02 135 affair was trifling. ^While he would not let the boy be taken
L02 136 away he had his own way of saying so, as to cross so powerful a
L02 137 tohunga was a risky thing to do.
L02 138    |^He welcomed Tawitu, pressed noses with him and said it
L02 139 would be a privilege if the tohunga rested a few days as his
L02 140 guest. ^To Walter he said he had heard of his prowess and
L02 141 loyalty to his tribe and the honour Te Pare had conferred upon
L02 142 him. ^He offered his tapu, his safe conduct, should Walter
L02 143 wisely choose to return to his duties at Kukutaiapa. ^And to
L02 144 the mission he praised their work saying they were there by his
L02 145 invitation and were under his protection. ^He would be breaking
L02 146 faith with them if he interrupted their work. ^He therefore
L02 147 would like the boy to stay at the mission, a request which as a
L02 148 man of honour Tawitu would surely grant.
L02 149    |^So Tawitu went off with Patuone, Walter started for
L02 150 Kukutaiapa, and Hone, after a tearful goodbye to Walter, stayed
L02 151 where he was. ^On the way back to the tribe Walter called in at
L02 152 Pakenae.
L02 153    |^Since she had managed his release from the *1Rainbow,
L02 154 *0Ngaire had stayed with Rangi's household at Pakenae. ^She had
L02 155 seen the canoe taking Walter and the white girl to Horeke and
L02 156 had waited, tense with anxiety, for what might follow. ^When he
L02 157 came to Pakenae on his homeward way she ran to him in a
L02 158 transport of relief. ^He had left the white girl and come back
L02 159 to her. ^They would tread again the gorge to Kukutaiapa even
L02 160 more happily than before as they would know what was in store
L02 161 for them. ^But Walter, now uplifted over Mary's love then
L02 162 downcast over his coming deed of violence, felt little response
L02 163 to Ngaire's devotion. ^Her delight put him to shame and in
L02 164 self-reproach he was kinder to her than he had ever been. ^To
L02 165 Ngaire this showed his joy at being with her again. ^She
L02 166 skipped back to life with him at the kainga, blithe as a tui on
L02 167 the flax blossom.
L02 168    |^Time passed busily in tribal affairs, all that happens
L02 169 where people live. ^Then came Tekaka in haste with that token
L02 170 of suspense, another letter. ^Ngaire was sure it was from the
L02 171 white girl again. ^Walter read it in growing tension. ^Ngaire
L02 172 saw it with sinking spirit. ^He had an urgent meeting for a
L02 173 purpose and in a place no one must know. ^A quick word and he
L02 174 was gone, leaving her in hopeless questioning. ^She might never
L02 175 see him again.
L02 176    |^But she would try. ^He went north, that she saw. ^She
L02 177 would follow as best she might wherever instinct led. ^Would it
L02 178 be to the river, she wondered?
L02 179 *<Chapter 24*>
L02 180 *<*6THE *7HOKIANGA*>
L02 181 **[BEGIN INDENTATION 1**]
L02 182 |^*1A crooked stem of the toetoe can be seen; but a crooked
L02 183 part in the heart is invisible.
L02 184 **[BEGIN INDENTATION 2**]
L02 185 |*0Maori proverb
L02 186 **[END INDENTATION 2**]
L02 187 **[END INDENTATION 1**]
L02 188 |^*6I*0t was winter. ^Tribesmen were firing the bracken to
L02 189 sweeten the soil, women were trudging with gravel to loosen the
L02 190 tilth against the day when spring would toss the clematis over
L02 191 the trees, the age-old summons to the Maori to his planting.
L02 192 ^Then with ritual and measured step the tribesmen would plant
L02 193 the kumara and the mauri, the talisman protecting the crop,
L02 194 would be put in place by the tohunga. ^All men were at peace.
L02 195    |^All save one, a lone figure crouching on the bank of the
L02 196 stream below Pakanae. ^A patch of white in the bracken marked
L02 197 where his blanket had been tossed aside. ^The open sea, hidden
L02 198 by the headland on the left, was beating its tattoo on the bar,
L02 199 noiseless to his ears. ^Downstream on the opposite bank there
L02 200 rose a chain of sand dunes and to the right beyond the water
L02 201 stretched bush-clad hills with twisted shadows at their base.
L02 202    |^To the riot of colour his eye was blind. ^He waited.
L02 203    |^The curve of the headland, the purple of the mountains,
L02 204 the silver-grey of the Hokianga trembling at the turn of the
L02 205 tide, the golden track to the sun, none of these found entry
L02 206 into his thoughts. ^His face was sombre. ^His figure, naked
L02 207 save for a flaxen kilt, was hunched and ominous and upon his
L02 208 back the runnels of sweat still glistened. ^The stream at his
L02 209 side, eager to lift the stain of travel, held no appeal.
L02 210 *#
L03 001 **[476 TEXT L03**]
L03 002 ^*0The dog danced around Phil's legs, clearly relieved to have
L03 003 them within his reach again, and splashed ahead towards the
L03 004 beach. ^They had suddenly left the wild excitement behind them;
L03 005 the stillness of the cove fell upon Tommy's sopping ears the
L03 006 moment Phil dropped him back on his feet. ^But still inside him
L03 007 was the exhilaration of the treacherous waters he'd felt around
L03 008 his limbs, the excitement of his own and Phil's nakedness. ^He
L03 009 hadn't even dared to hope that Phil would join him in the
L03 010 water, but there he was, looking as good out of his clothes as
L03 011 in them. ^He glimpsed a picture of that far-away summer
L03 012 afternoon, Phil and Simon together on that South Island beach,
L03 013 discovering each other. ^But here was now, the mellow splendour
L03 014 of the waning day was all around them, and now Phil belonged to
L03 015 him.
L03 016    |^Dripping and panting, they picked up their clothes and
L03 017 walked higher up, through the soft, warm grey sand. ^Phil said:
L03 018    |*"^Next problem is: how do we get dry. ^I didn't bring a
L03 019 towel.**"
L03 020    |*"^Let's run. ^I'll give you a race, to the end of the
L03 021 beach.**"
L03 022    |*"^Okay, baby.**"
L03 023    |^To Tommy's surprise Phil had no trouble keeping up with
L03 024 him; he even overtook him as they approached the rocks, where
L03 025 he slowed down and paddled into a shallow rock pool. ^The dog
L03 026 had run ahead and was lapping thirstily at the fresh water,
L03 027 occasionally shaking its sodden pelt.
L03 028    |*"^What are you looking at?**"
L03 029    |*"^Little crabs. ^See?**"
L03 030    |*"^You're pretty fast, Phil. ^Considering you're a
L03 031 smoker.**"
L03 032    |*"^I try to keep fit.**" ^Phil looked up at him, smiling.
L03 033 *"^It's the least I can do.**" ^He wasn't even winded which,
L03 034 Tommy thought, was quite unfair. ^Giving way to a fit of
L03 035 exuberance, he teased the dog into a frenzied run, swirling his
L03 036 clothes around like a banner and dropping them into the sand,
L03 037 while hollering one of his combo's most raucous numbers. ^Phil
L03 038 settled down in the sparsely grassed sand alongside the rock
L03 039 pool, graciously prepared to be an indulgent one-man audience.
L03 040    |^Tommy swung into one of his favourite party stand-by's:
L03 041 *"^And now, ladies and gentlemen, chicks and guys, our next
L03 042 number...**" ^He bleated his best song into a mimed microphone,
L03 043 holding a mimed electric guitar like a machine gun at the
L03 044 ready, and going through the standard rock-star gyrations. ^He
L03 045 was immensely pleased to see Phil curl up with laughter, as he
L03 046 rose to such a madcap climax that the screeching birds above
L03 047 the beach gave up the competition and fled past the northern
L03 048 rocks. ^But his engine was beginning to run out of gas, and he
L03 049 finished his demonstration gig earlier than usual. ^Breathless,
L03 050 he belly-flopped into the sand alongside Phil and dropped his
L03 051 head on Phil's outstretched arm.
L03 052    |^They both were suddenly very quiet, listening to the now
L03 053 far-off grumble of the surf and the shrill obligatos of the
L03 054 sea-birds, way out over the rocks. ^Tommy turned his head and
L03 055 looked at Phil's face, withdrawn now, as if in meditation *-
L03 056 and down his relaxed trunk. ^He browsed lightly through the
L03 057 curly hair on Phil's chest. ^It was softer than he'd expected.
L03 058 ^There was some grey in it, he saw, and some lingering droplets
L03 059 of moisture that glinted in the light, but most of Phil's body
L03 060 was dry, by now. ^Lower down, below his slowly rising and
L03 061 falling midriff, the hair was still quite dark, with little
L03 062 flecks of gold where the sunlight caught it. ^He liked the hair
L03 063 on a man's body and felt a little envious because he had so
L03 064 little of it himself. ^The thought of Ti'i, the seasoned
L03 065 eight-year-old groper, made him smile; at the same time it
L03 066 occurred to him that, apart from his dad and the karate
L03 067 teacher, Phil's was the first adult male body he'd ever seen
L03 068 exposed, and had touched. ^This time, though, the touch was his
L03 069 own, because he loved Phil. ^He loved all of him, and felt
L03 070 crazily happy that he could do so without inhibition or any
L03 071 sense of shame. ^He shifted his head up to Phil's shoulder and
L03 072 Phil, now able to move his freed arm, raised it and ran his
L03 073 hand across Tommy's shoulderblades.
L03 074    |^*"Isn't it great,**" he murmured, pulling up his legs.
L03 075 *"^To be able to bask in the sun, late in the afternoon, past
L03 076 the middle of April. ^Shitabrick!**"
L03 077    |*"^What's the matter now?**"
L03 078    |*"^I'm supposed to deliver you to Telesia's by six. ^It's
L03 079 past four thirty now, and we've got a long way to walk to the
L03 080 car.**"
L03 081    |*"^Not to worry.**" ^Tommy felt annoyed; the spell was
L03 082 broken. ^There was something happening he'd wanted to last and
L03 083 the ever-enemy time had come to spoil it.
L03 084    |*"^Come on, Tomtom, get up, slip into your clobber.**"
L03 085 ^Phil was on his feet; Tommy, suddenly feeling leaden, roused
L03 086 and raised himself reluctantly. ^Phil picked up his crumpled
L03 087 muslin shirt and tried to wipe the sand off his back.
L03 088    |^*"There, you can do that better,**" he said, handing the
L03 089 shirt to Tommy and turning around.
L03 090    |^Tommy obliged, flicking the sticky fine-grained sand from
L03 091 the bony centre of Phil's back, from his buttocks and the back
L03 092 of his thighs, where a lot of it had caught in the downy,
L03 093 gold-edged hair. ^The sight of the suntanned back, the slender,
L03 094 easy limbs in front of him brought back the fleeting picture of
L03 095 the boy spirit that might just escape him, by dissolving into
L03 096 the elements around them. ^But there was nothing spirit-like
L03 097 about this body.
L03 098    |*"^All clear.**"
L03 099    |*"Thanks.**" ^Phil turned again. *"^You've got it all on
L03 100 your front. ^It's annoying, this sand, it gets in everywhere.
L03 101 ^I suppose it's the iron that makes it so sticky. *- ^Goodness
L03 102 me, what a fine figure you are. ^You've even got a beautiful
L03 103 erection.**"
L03 104    |*"^Oh, go away.**" ^Fiercely embarrassed, Tommy ducked for
L03 105 his underpants; stupid, of course, for he'd dropped them some
L03 106 distance away, while doing his rock-star act. ^At least he
L03 107 could turn his back on Phil while running down the beach to
L03 108 pick them up. ^On the way down, he realized, with some
L03 109 surprise, that Phil hadn't. ^Had a hard-on.
L03 110    |^By the time he came back up the beach, safely covered
L03 111 now, with the panting dog in tow, Phil was fully dressed.
L03 112 ^Tommy plunged into his jeans and donned his T-shirt on the
L03 113 run, following Phil on his way back to the hairpin track.
L03 114    |*"^You're so fast!**"
L03 115    |^*"You've got no idea,**" Phil responded merrily and
L03 116 flicked his hand loosely through Tommy's hair. ^*"You're full
L03 117 of sand,**" he said.
L03 118    |*"^I know. ^I can feel it.**"
L03 119    |^They stopped, briefly. *"^I can't do much without a
L03 120 brush. ^There may be one in the glove compartment.**"
L03 121    |^For a moment their eyes met; Phil's smiling, but
L03 122 inscrutable again. ^The silence of that moment was so dense
L03 123 that even the sound of the surf and the seagulls seemed to be
L03 124 muffled. ^The light of the setting sun gilded Phil's face and
L03 125 hair. ^Tommy could clearly see the network of humorous lines
L03 126 around Phil's eyes, but past and through them, he also saw the
L03 127 timeless beauty there that Simon had seen, probably on that
L03 128 first day, twenty-five years ago.
L03 129    |*"^Thanks, Phil.**"
L03 130    |*"^Why?**"
L03 131    |*"^Great... great day, out here, with you.**"
L03 132    |*"^So it has been, Tomtom.**"
L03 133    |*"^Love you, Phil.**" ^The moment he said it he felt he
L03 134 had crossed a forbidden boundary, crossed into taboo territory.
L03 135 ^He felt the blood rising in his face.
L03 136    |*"^Same here, boy. ^But that doesn't need telling.**"
L03 137 ^Phil gently took Tommy's face in both his hands, and Tommy
L03 138 couldn't tell whether the tremor he felt was his own or Phil's.
L03 139 ^Their lips met lightly, for a mere second, but one that was
L03 140 going to last a life-time, for one of them, at least. ^Tommy
L03 141 didn't dare to step any closer; he sensed something strange
L03 142 like a stretch of holy ground between them, a small strip of
L03 143 eternity, resulting from another fleeting moment like this,
L03 144 another golden summer's day, another beach, long ago and far
L03 145 away. ^He stepped back, subdued but happy. ^He gave Phil his
L03 146 hand, and so they set out on their walk to the car. ^Phil
L03 147 repeatedly had to whistle for the dog, which followed them with
L03 148 some reluctance.
L03 149    |^Although the children *- Ti'i in particular *- had been
L03 150 disappointed by Tommy's day-long absence, they kept the dinner
L03 151 table lively with chatter, laughter and good-natured arguments.
L03 152 ^They had their various requests; Sila wanted him to draw a
L03 153 magic racing car to hang above his bed; Amiga asked him to sing
L03 154 again; Ti'i and Peti just wanted a romp. ^Throughout all this,
L03 155 Tommy was aware that Telesia was quiet. ^By the time he had
L03 156 tucked the two little rompers in their beds, rather earlier
L03 157 than the night before, he wanted to find out why. ^So he looked
L03 158 her up in the kitchen.
L03 159    |*"^Telesia? ^Thanks for that wonderful meal. ^The
L03 160 palusami-crab pie was delicious. ^So was the dessert. ^What do
L03 161 you call it?**"
L03 162    |*"^Fa'a'usi. ^No trouble, kid. ^Mat grew up in Samoa; he
L03 163 likes the traditional dishes, so I learnt to prepare them. ^I'm
L03 164 pleased they fitted your diet.**" ^She chuckled.
L03 165    |*"^Can I help dry?**"
L03 166    |*"^It's pretty well done. ^Sila gave me a hand while you
L03 167 did your bed**[ARB**]-time trick with the little ones. ^Still,
L03 168 I'm glad we can have a word, now.**" ^She cast a quick glance
L03 169 across the passage into the front room; Mat and the two elder
L03 170 children were watching television there. ^Then she quietly
L03 171 closed the door, and said, under her breath:
L03 172    |*"^I half expect Sione to call round again. ^He did
L03 173 earlier, when the children were still in the park. ^Wanted to
L03 174 know why you hadn't come to church.**"
L03 175    |*"^I know he counted on me. ^I just couldn't face it.**"
L03 176    |*"^Because of what he's asked you to do?**"
L03 177    |*"^You know, then?**"
L03 178    |*"^I've got a pretty fair idea. ^On account of Iga, I
L03 179 suppose.**"
L03 180    |*"^Yes.**"
L03 181    |^She frowned. *"^He's got no right to expect anything from
L03 182 you. ^He seems to think, just because his head is full of
L03 183 Jesus, that he has a direct telephone line with him. ^Well,
L03 184 boy, let me tell you a thing or two about Sione.**"
L03 185    |^She sat down at the kitchen table, took a deep breath and
L03 186 looked hard at Tommy. ^He took the chair opposite her.
L03 187    |*"^Hey, Telesia, don't feel you have to... sort things out
L03 188 for me, right now. ^There's plenty of time for me to think. ^I
L03 189 can talk to my mum and dad...**"
L03 190    |*"^Sure. ^I feel obliged, though, because I started this
L03 191 crazy business by reminding him of the truth about himself,
L03 192 when he got my back up with one of his holier-than-thou
L03 193 sermons. ^As for your mum, I'm going to phone Ann myself,
L03 194 because I'm responsible. ^Before she tells you all, I think I
L03 195 should. *- ^Sione was a pretty unruly kid for a while. ^He did
L03 196 well enough at college but he broke loose when he first went to
L03 197 university. ^The company he kept, I reckon. ^A pack of
L03 198 smart-arse law students and rugby players. ^Ah well...**"
L03 199    |^She paused for breath, or perhaps to collect her
L03 200 thoughts, before continuing:
L03 201    |*"^There's two years between us; I'm the elder. ^Ann was
L03 202 my best friend. ^She's a great person, Tommy. ^You're very
L03 203 lucky.**"
L03 204    |*"^I know.**"
L03 205    |^I had my twenty-first, near the end of our final year.
L03 206 ^Big party, despite exams coming up; lots of people, many
L03 207 palagi friends. ^I had an argument with Sione that evening,
L03 208 because he was drinking too much and making a nuisance of
L03 209 himself. ^He took off for a while, in a huff, with some of his
L03 210 mates. ^It was quite late when he came back on his own. ^He
L03 211 seemed okay, quiet, but I had the impression that he was still
L03 212 brassed off with me. ^About one-thirty Ann wanted to call a
L03 213 taxi, to go home. ^Sione offered to take her. ^I was pleased,
L03 214 thinking I'd been wrong, that he'd sobered down and wanted to
L03 215 make up.
L03 216 *#
L04 001 **[477 TEXT L04**]
L04 002    |^*0Suddenly she spotted a figure on the verandah, playing
L04 003 a big guitar. ^Making out she didn't care anyway, she shambled
L04 004 aimlessly back to the hostel... ^She was right, it was that guy
L04 005 in the dining-room. ^Her heart thumped, but it didn't matter.
L04 006 ^After all, she was free!
L04 007    |*'^Hi there. ^Whose your name?**' ^Long fingers snaked
L04 008 across the glossy Astoria.
L04 009    |*'^Tahuri. ^I'm looking for my cousin Thomas Whitireia.
L04 010 ^You know him?**'
L04 011    |*'^Shit yeah. ^He never said anything about you. ^Sneaky,
L04 012 all right. ^Anyway, I'm Jackie. ^Jackie Farnham. ^Like to come
L04 013 in my room for a while?**'
L04 014    |*'^Those green eyes flashed again, and Tahuri felt funny.
L04 015    |^He sprang quickly off the verandah ledge and pushed the
L04 016 guitar into her arms. ^Then he was over the windowsill and
L04 017 inside.
L04 018    |^*'This is where I live,**' he smiled, charming. *'Come
L04 019 in, listen to the radio eh?**'
L04 020    |^Tahuri peered in. *'Aw, no,**' she giggled. *'^Better
L04 021 not, eh.**'
L04 022    |*'^Why not?**' ^He seemed put out. *'^Nothing's \2gonna
L04 023 happen to you. ^Hey, aren't you one of the chicks who came in
L04 024 last night?**'
L04 025    |^She blushed at this *- he knew about her, maybe he'd been
L04 026 asking around, finding out who she was.
L04 027    |*'^No, Jackie. ^I'm okay out here, really *- **'
L04 028    |^*'Oh shit,**' he snarled. *'^C'mon babe, come in *- don't
L04 029 lead a man on, eh.**'
L04 030    |*'^Look, Jackie, I *-**'
L04 031    |*'^D'you want me to come out and get you then! ^Cos I'm
L04 032 \2fucken goin' to, you cheeky cunt!**'
L04 033    |^He was through the window. ^She was in his arms, kicking
L04 034 and squawking. ^What the hell was going on? ^Somehow he managed
L04 035 to get both their bodies back into the room, then he tossed her
L04 036 on the bed, slammed the window down, bolted it. ^Tahuri gazed
L04 037 up at him, gulping. ^He was very methodical. ^He drew the tatty
L04 038 black holland blinds, checked the window catches, motioned her
L04 039 to a chair. ^She obeyed. ^He then moved the wardrobe against
L04 040 the door, and the bed against the window. ^Then running his
L04 041 lean hands over his chest, flexing his well-muscled arms, he
L04 042 just peered at Tahuri. ^He seemed very tall, very massive; his
L04 043 body glinted light copper, and excitement pulsed visibly
L04 044 against the fly on his jeans. ^He moved. ^Scooping the girl up,
L04 045 he stretched her on the bed, roughly handling her body which
L04 046 seemed frozen stiff and struck dumb by all his attention. ^He
L04 047 unzipped his pants, loosened hers, pulled at them, groping at
L04 048 the patch between her legs. ^At this, she reeled away, gasping,
L04 049 *'^No, no, Jackie *- don't. ^Please stop, I'm only thirteen,
L04 050 I've never done this, no, no, please stop...*' ^He was deaf,
L04 051 his hands and heavy body working at her madly. ^She began to
L04 052 struggle *- he now realized that she was jailbait for sure, and
L04 053 belted her head, tore into her rocking body with a swelling
L04 054 urge. ^Tahuri bucked and howled *- her terror increased at the
L04 055 sound on the door *- a hefty hammering *- *'^Hey Jackoboy save
L04 056 some for us eh, haw haw haw *-**' ^She screamed, wildly biting
L04 057 at him; he furiously slammed himself somewhere against her hip
L04 058 bone. ^She thrashed and shrieked, he growled, kept hitting her
L04 059 head, as she clawed at his ears and neck and hair. ^Pushing
L04 060 down, thrusting hard. ^With a gasp, he jerked fiercely,
L04 061 quickly, sighed, then fell back, pushing her on to the floor.
L04 062 ^Globs of white goo oozed down her thighs, messed thickly in
L04 063 her bruised, sticky hairs...
L04 064    |*'^Here she is, boys *- take her, she's a \2fucken
L04 065 tiger!**'
L04 066    |^Next thing, thrown across the corridor into a larger,
L04 067 open, well-lit room *- four beds, four crawling, mauling,
L04 068 clumsy apes all ripping at her clothes *- Tahuri fought and
L04 069 fought *- she went down, a face lunged near hers. ^There was a
L04 070 cross tattooed above the right eyebrow. ^Through dry tears, she
L04 071 noticed an alarm clock on the bedside table. ^She forced an arm
L04 072 free *- one youth held her arms, the others were at her legs,
L04 073 tugging at her jeans, making it easier for the straining face
L04 074 above her. ^She clenched her teeth, her free arm grabbed the
L04 075 clock, swung, brought it down on the face, on the tattooed
L04 076 cross *-
L04 077    |^A yowl *- four shocked youths *- enough time to wriggle
L04 078 up and out towards the window.
L04 079    |*'^I'm bleeding! ^My eye! ^My eye's bleeding! ^The
L04 080 \2fucken bitch *- I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding *- **'
L04 081    |^The window was open. ^Not caring what was on the other
L04 082 side, Tahuri hurled herself out and ran. ^She didn't look back
L04 083 for at least four blocks. ^Then falling into a spongy green
L04 084 hedge, soft in an empty street, she cried.
L04 085 *|^What the hell was she going to do now? ^Her clothes were
L04 086 stained, torn and splattered *- her shirt hung in bits, the
L04 087 front ripped across and the waist of her jeans was jagged from
L04 088 the zip almost to her knee. ^She needed some clothes. ^Suddenly
L04 089 she had the answer. ^Clotheslines! ^That's what she had to do.
L04 090 ^She followed the hedge, stealthily scouting for the right back
L04 091 yard. ^There it was *- an old house, a well-stocked line, no
L04 092 dogs, no fences. ^Jeans, shirts, jerseys flapped lazily in the
L04 093 cool wind. ^Watching the house, she dashed silently out,
L04 094 grabbed the stuff gleefully, and then lay flat down under the
L04 095 springy arms of the hedge. ^No underpants; too bad. ^On her
L04 096 back, she swiftly squirmed into her newly acquired gear. ^And
L04 097 then she stood up, feeling much better. ^But a bit cold, and
L04 098 very sore. ^Rolling her own clothes up into a ragged bundle,
L04 099 Tahuri headed back to Frankton, as if nothing had happened.
L04 100 *|^Avoiding the hostel, she noticed the time on the railway
L04 101 clock *- 3.45, almost time for Thomas to finish work. ^He'd be
L04 102 really wild if he knew. ^What was there to do? ^Think about it.
L04 103 ^She went into a small dairy jammed between a draper's and a
L04 104 furniture shop. ^The shop assistant, very prim and proper, gave
L04 105 her a funny look. ^Tahuri hoped she hadn't pinched the old
L04 106 bag's clothes, then thought it hardly likely. ^Leaning against
L04 107 the window, and watching the pub across the road, she sipped
L04 108 her Coke, ignoring all the passersby who seemed to gawk at her.
L04 109 ^It was then she noticed herself *- her hands and arms,
L04 110 bloodstains and caked scratches, fingernails cracked and torn.
L04 111 ^And her head, dully throbbing, was sore in the places where
L04 112 their blows had cut through, matted hair tangled in sticky
L04 113 knots. ^She realized her body was clammy with sweat, blood, and
L04 114 sperm; she tried not to feel sick, stood up straight, and cool,
L04 115 and ready, and confident.
L04 116    |^A pair of middle-aged men in overalls lurched out of the
L04 117 pub, clutching their take-home flagons. ^Then through the door,
L04 118 and down the steps, tumbled a couple, the woman wobbling and
L04 119 noisy, falling on the man who jerked leerily up the path *- it
L04 120 was Faye! ^And that horrible Micky. ^Tahuri was on them.
L04 121    |*'^Faye! ^I've been lookin' for you all bloody day!**'
L04 122    |*'^Oooh haha my little mate... where've you been,
L04 123 sweetness? ^C'mon dearie we're goin' back to the Ed, eh Mick
L04 124 sweetheart?**' ^The man scowled, said nothing, stayed sullen.
L04 125 ^Faye gaped.
L04 126    |*'Oooh *- you been in the wars dearie? ^Y'got blood all
L04 127 over you...**'
L04 128    |*'^Oh god Faye, fuck it *-**'
L04 129    |*'^Yes please... ^Had any yet?**' ^The bleary mascara
L04 130 clotted eyes lit up.
L04 131    |*'^Nah, nah, nothing.**' ^Sniff. ^Smile. *'^Hey, I'll come
L04 132 back with you, eh.**'
L04 133 *|^Thomas was on the verandah, arms tensely folded, eyes
L04 134 glowering. ^Tahuri felt confused *- he crossed over to her, put
L04 135 his arm around her shoulder, took her bundle of clothes. ^She
L04 136 began to sob. ^Deep and long and racking. ^The other two looked
L04 137 on, blinking and drunk, they hobbled off down the hallway.
L04 138    |^Back in his room, Thomas fed Tahuri handkerchiefs and hot
L04 139 flannels, and tried to comfort her. ^Apparently the boys were
L04 140 sorry *- they were just being mad, crazy, weren't really going
L04 141 to hurt her, he went on.
L04 142    |^At this, Tahuri snapped back between snivels,
L04 143 *'^Bullshit! ^\2Fucken bullshit, Thomas! ^They knew all along,
L04 144 they meant to do me over, the bastards! ^And that Farnham creep
L04 145 really tried! ^Oh *-**' ^But Thomas kept on, trying to comfort
L04 146 her, while quietly insisting that the boys wouldn't treat a
L04 147 Maori girl, one of their own, like that. ^They just wouldn't.
L04 148 ^But he didn't say a word about Farnham, and he didn't mention
L04 149 how he had told Tahuri to be careful, and stay in his room.
L04 150    |^The door rattled with impatient knocking. ^Tahuri jumped.
L04 151    |^*'It's Mick,**' muttered Thomas, opening the door a
L04 152 little. *'^Yeah?**'
L04 153    |*'^\2Gotta get this bloody kid \2outa here. ^And that mad
L04 154 nympho Faye. ^The place is bloody red hot *-**'
L04 155    |*'^But we can't leave now, it's still daytime *-**'
L04 156    |*'^Yeah, I know. ^Wait until it's dark, then shoot
L04 157 through, okay? ^You take her, and I'll take the other one.**'
L04 158    |*'^Onslow Street?**'
L04 159    |*'^Yeah *- Norma's place. ^It's cool around there. ^Then
L04 160 we'll work out what's next.**' ^The door shut, Mick was gone.
L04 161 ^Thomas turned, faced Tahuri.
L04 162    |*'^Well, little sister, it looks like you'll be back on
L04 163 the road. ^But you just make sure you get to your sister's
L04 164 place all safe and sound, okay? ^No more trouble on the way.**'
L04 165    |^After the day's happenings, Tahuri was quick to agree.
L04 166 ^But what about Faye?
L04 167    |^Thomas grinned, slow and sly. *'^That girl will manage
L04 168 wherever there are men around, Tahuri.**' ^He looked at his
L04 169 watch. *'^You hungry?**'
L04 170    |*'^Yeah *- well, no, I mean *-**'
L04 171    |*'^Don't worry, I never eat anything that comes from that
L04 172 repo in the kitchen either. ^I'll get one of the boys to get
L04 173 some kai from up the road *-**' ^He slipped out the door.
L04 174    |^Tahuri heard guitar picking, faintly, down the hall.
L04 175 ^Then it stopped. ^The door was ajar. ^She swallowed, felt the
L04 176 bruises flaring on her thighs. ^Bastard. ^Crept over to the
L04 177 door, pushed it firmly *-
L04 178    |*'^Hey, Ta, it's all right girl, it's only me, Thomas
L04 179 *-**' ^She relaxed, curled back against the wall, cushioned by
L04 180 a pillow.
L04 181    |*'^We're having smoked fish and oysters and chips and
L04 182 kukus *- Arapeta's going to get it, just to prove how sorry he
L04 183 is.**'
L04 184    |*'^Arapeta?**'
L04 185    |*'^The one you gave that beaut black eye. ^You cut his
L04 186 eyebrow clean in half, you could've blinded the poor bugger you
L04 187 know. ^If you swung that thing any harder *-**' ^There was
L04 188 pride in his voice, he was pleased. ^For the first time in
L04 189 ages, she felt good.
L04 190    |^*'Good job,**' she snorted, satisfied. *'^I wish I had *-
L04 191 **'
L04 192    |^But Thomas was busy, clearing away the small chest at the
L04 193 foot of his bed, spreading out great sheets of the *1Times,
L04 194 *0balancing a half-empty bottle of scarlet tomato sauce on a
L04 195 picture of prize-winning pigs at the {0A & P} show. ^The table
L04 196 ready, he produced some glasses from his bottom drawer, wiped
L04 197 them gleaming with a tea towel from the same place. ^For him,
L04 198 the subject of what had happened that afternoon was best left
L04 199 alone. ^Forgotten *- or put away somewhere. ^You never fixed
L04 200 anything up by talking about it. ^Not stuff like that.
L04 201    |^Footsteps, a delicious chippy takeaway smell, meant food
L04 202 was on the way. ^Thomas went to the door. ^Words were
L04 203 exchanged. ^The parcel passed hands; the youth outside walked
L04 204 back to his own room. ^Thomas shut the door with his elbow,
L04 205 piled the steaming package on the rugged tablecloth. ^They ate,
L04 206 talked, until both noticed at the same time how dark it was
L04 207 outside. ^Time to move. ^Thomas found her gear. ^They bundled
L04 208 up the greasy newspapers, drained their glasses, and once again
L04 209 were back in the hall where they had met that same morning,
L04 210 years of hours ago. ^With no one around, they were on their
L04 211 way.
L04 212    |^River fog and rain thickened the air; the night was
L04 213 crawling with damp and cold. ^To Tahuri, it seemed that they
L04 214 walked, and walked, and bloody walked. ^Side-roads, alleys,
L04 215 railway tracks, schools, back yards, even a rugby grandstand.
L04 216 ^Then they came to a busy main road.
L04 217    |^*'And here we are,**' grunted Thomas, breath gulping in
L04 218 steamdrifts.
L04 219    |^Just another ordinary-looking little house across the
L04 220 road. ^Drab, old, grey, behind a ragged fence. ^Hedge on one
L04 221 side, stubbly drive on the other, with a ramshackle garage
L04 222 fringed with frostbitten hydrangeas.
L04 223 *#
L05 001 **[478 TEXT L05**]
L05 002    |*'^*0No, no, of course not. ^I'm sure it's... ^I'll bet
L05 003 it's...**'
L05 004    |*'^You do not like me to be so bold? ^You think I should
L05 005 sigh and wait for you?**'
L05 006    |*'^No, your husband *- *'
L05 007    |*'^He knows. ^That is why I sent him away. ^He is a kind
L05 008 man.**'
L05 009    |^So we made love, there in the grass, in the sun. ^But
L05 010 first she had to cure me of a cramp in my leg. ^I used to get
L05 011 them frequently when nervous. ^I got them in bumpy landings in
L05 012 aeroplanes, and with women, and once had one... but I'll come
L05 013 to that. ^\0Mrs Verryt pushed back my toes and stretched my
L05 014 leg. ^She kneaded my thigh, then unbuttoned me, and, as I've
L05 015 said, we made love.
L05 016    |^Irene is music. ^\0Mrs Verryt is sexual joy. ^I mean we
L05 017 reached a kind of pleasure plateau and crossed it together and
L05 018 climbed the little peak at the end, and all this with none of
L05 019 the voraciousness I'd feared, but give and take on a very high
L05 020 level. ^And a marvellous attentiveness. ^It's possible to be
L05 021 solo in these things, but \0Mrs Verryt made herself remarkably
L05 022 present and kept me remarkably aware *- not just of her person
L05 023 but her self. ^She, we, did nothing out of the ordinary. ^I
L05 024 have no tale to tell of positions and gymnastics. ^You'll get
L05 025 no close-up of busy parts. ^I have just my tale of the plain
L05 026 Dutch wife who taught me joy.
L05 027    |^Later in my life I knew her again. ^And there's another
L05 028 tale, but I'll tell it in its place. ^We rose from the grass
L05 029 and became \0Dr Papps and \0Mrs Verryt. *'That was fun.**'
L05 030    |*'^It was risky.**' ^The road ran by fifty yards away and
L05 031 the orchard manager's house was round the knoll. ^I heard his
L05 032 child's squeaky bike in the yard; and imagined I heard Rhona
L05 033 singing to herself, across the stretch of warm brown shallow
L05 034 sea. ^We had made a star shape in the grass, magnified. ^But I
L05 035 did not think Rhona would feel betrayed. ^Her eyes kept their
L05 036 bright incurious stare.
L05 037    |*'^Love is more fun out of doors. ^In Holland it is hard
L05 038 to find a place.**'
L05 039    |^*'Holland,**' I said, *'is a little \2poddle.**'
L05 040    |^She laughed.
L05 041    |*'^Full of tulips and windmills and smelly cheese.**'
L05 042    |^She laughed again. ^I seemed to please her.
L05 043    |^We climbed down to the water and paddled in the brine.
L05 044 ^That hour stands to one side of my life and has no part in its
L05 045 forward rush, or forward creep. ^It seems like yesterday
L05 046 afternoon. ^It seems like tomorrow. ^And sometimes it's a dusty
L05 047 picture hanging in a room in an old old house. ^Those are
L05 048 occasions when my body affronts me, when my bones creak and
L05 049 belly snores. ^But I carry that picture to the window, hold it
L05 050 in the sun, dust it off; and feel I can run a hand through my
L05 051 hair and spring up and find her again. ^By the way, \0Mrs
L05 052 Verryt kept her spectacles on.
L05 053 *<33*>
L05 054 |^There's a marvellous fellow down south calling for the death
L05 055 penalty for adulterers. ^A statute of limitations won't apply.
L05 056 ^He wants homosexuals executed too, and rebellious children.
L05 057 ^I'm sure he'd make a longer list if invited to.
L05 058 ^Sabbath-breakers, thieves, pornographers, atheists,
L05 059 abortionists, militant feminists, sex educators, blasphemers,
L05 060 communists, divorce lawyers, prison reformers. ^I could fill
L05 061 this page up if I tried. ^Disobedient wives, radical teachers,
L05 062 poets, punk-rockers, over-stayers. ^Novel-readers, librarians.
L05 063 ^Quakers, Catholics, Hari Krishnas. ^Cat-lovers, humanists.
L05 064 ^He's got a fat face and a burning eye and looks so closely
L05 065 shaven, so squeaky clean, I imagine him drinking Lysol with his
L05 066 meals. ^Armageddon is coming, he proclaims, and let us rejoice
L05 067 and welcome it. ^The executioner, evidently, is God.
L05 068    |^I approve of this fellow. ^He makes me pleased with my
L05 069 sins. ^*'You and Shane will be on his list,**' I said to Kate.
L05 070 *'He's on mine,**' Kate replied. ^Every ideology has its hit
L05 071 list.
L05 072    |^But Kate is less angry than she was. ^I notice it in all
L05 073 sorts of ways. ^When she sets the table she makes sure the
L05 074 knives and forks are straight. ^She doesn't drop bombs of
L05 075 mashed potato but makes smooth eggs with a tablespoon and lays
L05 076 them in clutches on the plate. ^She chews her food more slowly
L05 077 and compliments herself on the taste. ^Let me see. ^Instead of
L05 078 crumpling waste paper and firing it at the basket she walks
L05 079 across and drops it in. ^We no longer have balled-up envelopes
L05 080 on the kitchen floor. ^She used to lean on the sundeck rail and
L05 081 spit at the ducks in the river. (^Phil, as a boy, could spit
L05 082 twenty feet but Kate can do better than that.) ^Now she takes
L05 083 out slices of bread and flies them down like frisbees, and
L05 084 claps her hands when they drop in gardens on the other side.
L05 085 ^She doesn't butt my ankles with the vacuum cleaner but lifts
L05 086 my feet and cleans under them.
L05 087    |^It's unnatural. ^There's no solid under-pinning for her
L05 088 happiness. ^It's as if she's practising levitation. ^Sooner or
L05 089 later she'll tumble down.
L05 090    |^Shane is painting the outbuildings on Phil Dockery's stud
L05 091 farm. ^He's off at seven o'clock in the morning and not back
L05 092 till half past six at night. ^Kate cuts him a lunch of brown
L05 093 bread sandwiches. ^Now and then she bakes him a bacon and egg
L05 094 pie. ^His thermos flask holds four cups of coffee. ^That much
L05 095 coffee acts as a poison, she believes, but it keeps him warm
L05 096 out there at Long Tom's so she doesn't argue. ^It's only for a
L05 097 little while, she says.
L05 098    |^Shane is bringing home more than five hundred dollars a
L05 099 week. ^He's as pleased with himself as a stone-age hunter
L05 100 bringing meat. ^He slapped fifty dollars on the table in front
L05 101 of me. *'^That's for all that booze of yours I'm drinking.**'
L05 102 ^*'Come on,**' I said, *'you've paid for that by painting my
L05 103 house.**' ^He wouldn't listen. ^Two or three nights a week he
L05 104 brings home a cauliflower or cabbage from the commune over the
L05 105 hill, or a side-car full of pine cones gathered in the forest.
L05 106 ^We have fires that roar in the chimney and we sit three in a
L05 107 row on the sofa drinking hot toddies and watching \0TV. ^Shane
L05 108 prefers American shows and Kate British, but they're
L05 109 considerate, they have little competitions in self-sacrifice;
L05 110 and Kate will watch *1The A-Team, *0giving from time to time an
L05 111 ambiguous snort, and Shane will watch *1Minder, *0and be
L05 112 disappointed in the number of fights. ^Everything is too noisy
L05 113 for me and I go to bed.
L05 114    |^We listen to Kate's records in the day. ^And he takes his
L05 115 Walkman off to work and listens there.
L05 116    |^She's not in love. ^She's not alone. ^If I were religious
L05 117 I'd pray for her. ^As it is, I cross my fingers now and then.
L05 118 *|^He's not her first man, not by a long chalk. ^She won't say
L05 119 how many, I'd think badly of her. ^I don't believe that means
L05 120 she was promiscuous but that her standards have been high.
L05 121 ^None of her men have measured up so she's tried the next.
L05 122 ^What is it then she's finding in Shane? ^Does she sense, along
L05 123 with me, that he's waiting for something? ^Is it what he will
L05 124 become she's going to love? ^I don't think she realizes he's
L05 125 scared.
L05 126    |*'^What would your mother think of him, Kate?**'
L05 127    |*'^She'd like him. ^Dad's the one who's a snob.**'
L05 128    |^Pam married out of the Labour party into the National.
L05 129 ^That's a way of putting it. ^Kate, probably because of her
L05 130 dad, has come back to base. ^At university she was in a mixed
L05 131 flat and *'got serious**' with one of the boys. *'^He was so
L05 132 damn good-looking he should have been framed.**' ^But she
L05 133 quickly found there was nothing to him. *'^You could poke a
L05 134 hole in him with your finger and look at the view out the other
L05 135 side.**' ^Now he's *'a poncing little lawyer**'. ^Then she
L05 136 *'got in pretty deep**' with a journalist. ^Her language is a
L05 137 mixture of violence and cliche*?2. ^I'm sorry I started her off
L05 138 on her men because they make her *'lose her cool**'. ^This
L05 139 journalist was *'a wanker**'. ^She took him to visit Kitty in
L05 140 the nursing home and he started *'greasing up to her**'.
L05 141 ^Wanted to be in politics himself and thought Kitty might be
L05 142 worth having on his side. ^She saw through him, *'chewed him up
L05 143 and spat him out**'.
L05 144    |^*'I seemed to fall for lightweights,**' Kate said; and
L05 145 went on to describe a couple more.
L05 146    |^I can see Shane's attraction. ^Whatever his shortcomings,
L05 147 he's no lightweight. ^No one will poke a hole in him.
L05 148 *|^He comes to sit beside me on the sofa and I bob like a
L05 149 dinghy on a wave.
L05 150    |*'^How much do you weigh, Shane?**'
L05 151    |*'^Ninety-two.**'
L05 152    |^I convert that to imperial. *'^Fifteen stone.**' ^That's
L05 153 more than two of me. ^He could sit me on his shoulder like a
L05 154 parrot and I could squawk his thoughts for him. ^That would
L05 155 make no demand on my vocabulary; but there's more than squawk
L05 156 in what he says. ^Words connect with experience, no gap
L05 157 between. ^So when he says, *'^I'm buggered**', there's sweat,
L05 158 there's aching muscle, in the word.
L05 159    |^I ask about his life before he came to Jessop. ^He's had
L05 160 ten jobs in the seven years since he left school. ^The worst of
L05 161 them: scalder and plucker in a poultry abattoir. ^Then he
L05 162 thinks a bit. ^No, he decides, that wasn't the worst. ^He
L05 163 started in a clothing factory humping bolts of cloth *-
L05 164 dogsbody, everybody's boy. ^It wasn't the hard work he minded.
L05 165 ^He liked running round, having plenty to do. ^The bad thing
L05 166 was the women and the game they played with him.
L05 167    |^*'Oh, Shane,**' said Miss Callendar in the office, *'run
L05 168 down to the cutting room and ask \0Mrs Bracey for the Fallopian
L05 169 tubes.**' (^Kate snorts and Shane says heavily. *'^You think
L05 170 it's funny, eh?**') ^He asks for them and \0Mrs Bracey hunts
L05 171 and shakes her head. ^She sends him to the machine shop and the
L05 172 forewoman sends him down to stores. ^From there he traipses
L05 173 back to the office. ^*'Nobody knows where they are, Miss
L05 174 Callendar,**' he says. *'^Oh Shane, they've got to be
L05 175 somewhere. ^Ask again.**' ^They ran him round all afternoon,
L05 176 couldn't have had more fun sticking pins in him. ^The next day
L05 177 he had a new name. *'^Tubes, clear this stuff out. ^Pronto,
L05 178 Tubes.**'
L05 179    |^Shane went down to the library that night and looked up
L05 180 Fallopian tubes in a dictionary. ^*'Yeah,**' he says, *'I
L05 181 should have known. ^We did biology at school.**' ^He didn't go
L05 182 to the factory next morning but went to a by-products plant
L05 183 where they made fertilizer and pig food. ^A mate of his worked
L05 184 there. ^Shane came away with a sack of *'specials**'. ^See him
L05 185 grin now, what a grin of delight. ^He spills them out for me on
L05 186 the sofa: sheep's feet, fish heads, chicken entrails, feathers,
L05 187 bits of hide, dead kittens from the {0SPCA}. ^My stomach makes
L05 188 a heave at the naming. ^He empties the sack on Miss Callendar's
L05 189 desk. ^She screams as though she's stabbed with a Bowie knife.
L05 190 *'^I found the Fallopian tubes, Miss Callendar.**'
L05 191    |^Kate has gone pale. ^*'Just like you,**' she says.
L05 192 *'^Overkill.**'
L05 193    |*'^I was getting even. ^It's no worse than what they did
L05 194 to me.**'
L05 195    |^I agree with Shane. ^But I'm not surprised to hear they
L05 196 ran him in. ^It was his first conviction. ^He has two more for
L05 197 disorderly conduct *- fighting in pubs.
L05 198    |*'^Do you like fighting?**'
L05 199    |*'^No, I lose my temper. ^My mind goes kind of red. ^I
L05 200 nearly tore one joker's head right off. ^Lucky they stopped me.
L05 201 ^I've got it sorted out now.**' ^He does not believe it and the
L05 202 deception makes him blink. *'^It's bloody ancient history.
L05 203 ^Give us a tinnie, Kate.**'
L05 204    |*'^What was your best job?**' ^I help him away from the
L05 205 subject of his rage; for I see rage as a primal condition, and
L05 206 see he's afflicted with connections to a state most of us have
L05 207 managed the step away from *- though it chases us, it follows
L05 208 after *- and he's afraid.
L05 209 *#
L06 001 **[479 TEXT L06**]
L06 002    |^*0Later, as Mattina was leaving, Gloria said, *'^I hope
L06 003 you didn't mind my talking about our Decima. ^Some people do
L06 004 mind.**'
L06 005    |^*'You're welcome,**' Mattina said.
L06 006    |*'^And you must call on us again. ^We're so pleased to
L06 007 *1know *0you.**'
L06 008    |^Her underlining of *1know *0was like a knife scored
L06 009 beneath the word.
L06 010 *|^Returning to Number Twenty-four, Mattina sat in what was now
L06 011 **[SIC**] favourite place *- the armchair; looking out on the garden,
L06 012 the citrus trees and the mountains. ^One month only remained of her
L06 013 visit. ^For a town where a legend was born, Puamahara was, she
L06 014 thought, as dull as could be expected, simply because such towns
L06 015 are the birthplaces of legends, where people live their ordinary
L06 016 lives; legends, like poems, spring from unrippled waters,
L06 017 undisturbed earth in a winter season.
L06 018 *<*412*>
L06 019 |^*0Mattina's thoughts returned often to Gloria James and her
L06 020 emphasis of the word *1know, *0her reference to her daughter as
L06 021 *1unknown *0and *1unknowing. ^*0The life of Gloria James appeared
L06 022 to depend on a concept and its word, and the fragility of this
L06 023 dependence was horrifying, but was it not merely the usual
L06 024 dependence of anyone upon the language, spoken or written?
L06 025 ^Mattina's earliest memories were of her own passion to *1know
L06 026 *0what she thought of as the *1truth *0about people and places,
L06 027 loosely termed the *1world. ^*0Her life, she realised, had been
L06 028 so smooth and in a particular way remote from the inner view of
L06 029 people, as if she had sailed along a dark stream beside a
L06 030 procession of sheer cliffs where she had been unable to find a
L06 031 clinging-place for her fingers or toes, and, later, had been
L06 032 unable to read the surface of the cliffs with scars, faults,
L06 033 hardy and delicate plants and flowers absent from the smooth
L06 034 surface. ^Her life had been showered with entitlements of wealth,
L06 035 privacy, a private education, selected friends, a nanny like a
L06 036 near signpost along the distance to her parents, a port hostelry
L06 037 from which she returned to herself without making the complete
L06 038 journey to her parents. ^Even her marriage to the promising young
L06 039 novelist, Jake Brecon, was an entitlement, a prize expected and
L06 040 believed to be deserved, as was their beautiful clever son John
L06 041 Henry. ^Mattina and Jake shared this preoccupation with
L06 042 discovering the *'truth**', but when Jake was about to explore
L06 043 and imagine and discover within his writing, Mattina's nature was
L06 044 that of a surveyor who records rather than creates. ^She realised
L06 045 now that her travels to foreign lands had not been simply to
L06 046 acquire real estate, nor simply to *1know *0about people of other
L06 047 lands: her aim had been to make a collection of people whose
L06 048 lives and *'truth**' she had discovered and *1knew. ^*0She
L06 049 understood now her passionate need to study a handful of people
L06 050 who lived close to the source of the Memory Flower. ^These
L06 051 citizens of Puamahara would surely have brushed by the petals of
L06 052 the Memory Flower, touched the leaves, experienced the seasons
L06 053 that nourished the flower. ^Mattina felt that her visit was a
L06 054 genuine attempt to justify to herself her life of entitlement by
L06 055 learning the unmoneyed and unprivileged truth about a distant
L06 056 town where the people's entitlement lay in their being close both
L06 057 to the flower of memory and the seed of oblivion.
L06 058    |^She wrote the names in her notebook:
L06 059    |_Joseph James, Gloria James, Decima James.
L06 060    |Edmund Shannon, Rene*?2e Shannon, Peter Shannon.
L06 061    |Rex Townsend, Dorothy Townsend, Hugh Townsend, Sylvia
L06 062 Townsend.
L06 063    |Hene Hanuere, Hare Hanuere, Piki Hanuere.
L06 064    |Madge McMurtrie, deceased.
L06 065    |Dinah or Dinny Wheatstone.
L06 066    |George Coker.
L06 067    |Hercus Millow.
L06 068    |^Then, hesitating, she wrote her own name and Jake's and
L06 069 John Henry's, linking herself with Kowhai Street.
L06 070    |^Then, continuing her strange mood, she opened the full
L06 071 middle page of her book and began to sketch *1The Death of the
L06 072 Penultimate Madge, *0imagining the scene as a Dutch interior, the
L06 073 room darkened, the floor tiled; the frozen ribbon of light
L06 074 through the small window; the characters grouped around the
L06 075 partly obscured body with Decima James forever unspeaking in the
L06 076 foreground, her long blonde hair trailing as if she faced an
L06 077 oncoming storm that would touch only her; Joseph James leaning
L06 078 over a spinet, listening to the music, his glance sideways
L06 079 towards Decima and her silence; Gloria turned to face Decima and
L06 080 Joseph; Rene*?2e Shannon pouring a glass of sherry for George
L06 081 Coker and Hercus Millow, the two old men standing side by side
L06 082 their frail bodies lanterned by the ray of light; Rex Townsend
L06 083 holding a tightly wrapped bolt of cloth, a dyed shroud for the
L06 084 penultimate Madge; Dorothy, her opened mouth indicating that she
L06 085 sang hymns for the occasion, although she made no sound; Peter,
L06 086 Sylvia, Hugh, all in their school uniforms their books under
L06 087 their arm, standing together, palely solemn, looking towards
L06 088 Madge McMurtrie; Edmund Shannon, startled, afraid at the door;
L06 089 Hene, Hare, Piki Hanuere, also standing at the door, each
L06 090 grasping green fronds of fern; Dinny Wheatstone framed in the
L06 091 doorway, her face expressing complete disbelief, her glance
L06 092 seeming to attempt to annihilate the group, the room, the time,
L06 093 the event with her weapon of disbelief, that is, knowledge
L06 094 rejected as homeless, in the full power of her imposture.
L06 095    |^Mattina, making her quick sketch, smiled to herself, *'^At
L06 096 least I'm not at risk of losing substance. ^For the moment, I'm
L06 097 the observer, the holder of the point of view, and even Dinny
L06 098 Wheatstone's presence can't erase my work.**'
L06 099    |^Painstakingly she printed beneath the hasty sketch, as a
L06 100 way of securing its life, *1The Death of the Penultimate Madge.
L06 101    |^*0Just for a moment she felt the stifling, strangling
L06 102 surge of distant time, the yesterdays set free, marauding within
L06 103 the present, capturing the future. ^She felt afraid, confronted
L06 104 by the idea of a suddenly unlabelled world with everything she
L06 105 had ever known by name, by word, vanishing, all identity lost,
L06 106 yet remaining in place as an overwhelming unknown power.
L06 107    |^Quickly she closed the exercise book, effectively
L06 108 excluding the group of people in the simply sketched scene.
L06 109    |^And that night she slept without dreaming, and woke to
L06 110 look out at the Australian gum tree with its jewelled array of
L06 111 Emperor caterpillars; and up and up at the now constantly blue
L06 112 Puamahara sky.
L06 113 *<*413*>
L06 114 |^*0For the next two weeks Mattina did not leave the boundary of
L06 115 Kowhai Street. ^She had bought a store of food, there was a
L06 116 corner mailbox, her milk and newspaper were delivered. ^All day,
L06 117 exercise book and pen in hand, she went from house to house
L06 118 talking to the residents of Kowhai Street, questioning them,
L06 119 while they, even with a suspicion of being flattered, accepted
L06 120 her role as researcher getting to know a segment of Puamahara,
L06 121 the home of the Memory Flower. ^Even those who became angry when
L06 122 market researchers or political canvassers appeared, welcomed
L06 123 Mattina; her questioning ushered them upon a stage where
L06 124 relatives and friends might view them, as if they might appear on
L06 125 television, ceaselessly interviewed like pop stars or visiting
L06 126 artists. ^Hadn't Mattina Brecon murmured something about a film
L06 127 later? ^And although some may have been unwilling to have their
L06 128 words seized, recorded for *1use, *0most overcame their
L06 129 objections, reminding themselves that if ever their intimate
L06 130 lives and dreams were used for a *'documentary**', they were
L06 131 still superior to the insects, reptiles and other animals, and
L06 132 even, some thought, to the remote races who were filmed with the
L06 133 kind of commentary that equated them with *'lower**' animals.
L06 134 ^Mattina felt that her examination of Kowhai Street was an
L06 135 attempt also to cancel distance between nations by starting with
L06 136 a small group in a small town, and although she assured herself
L06 137 her study was based on love, or a kind of love, it was also, as
L06 138 we have seen, obsessive, with herself as a stranger among
L06 139 strangers and (according to me, Dinny Wheatstone), imposters,
L06 140 trying to break the distance between herself and *'the others**',
L06 141 and not, as she expressed it to the residents, *'between
L06 142 neighbour and neighbour**'. ^She had therefore created herself as
L06 143 the dreamed-of centre of the circle, and when from time to time
L06 144 she sensed this, she excused her error, if it was an error, by
L06 145 reminding herself of the physical illness at work within her.
L06 146 ^Her certainty of it was uncanny; in the end, her journey to New
L06 147 Zealand may have been an act of panic, not a pious exploration of
L06 148 yet another foreign land and its people to add to her
L06 149 passionately collected items of knowledge.
L06 150    |^She walked up and down Kowhai Street. ^She inspected and
L06 151 made notes about the houses, their architecture, their gardens,
L06 152 the sidewalks, known as footpaths. ^She exclaimed at the beauty
L06 153 of the kowhai trees, their bloom now fallen, their pale green
L06 154 feather-and-lace fronds arced like a mass of miniature fountains.
L06 155 ^She sought to trace the gas and waterpipe and sewer lines; noted
L06 156 the street lights, the concrete or wooden poles, the electric
L06 157 wires and telephone lines. ^She examined everything and everyone,
L06 158 filling her exercise books with notes, her cassettes with
L06 159 recorded sounds. ^She included the many dogs of Kowhai Street,
L06 160 the cats, the birds, the soil, the plants, the sky, the sun, the
L06 161 clouds and the falling rain and the winds that passed from
L06 162 highway to highway, up and down Kowhai Street. ^She observed the
L06 163 scraps of paper, the empty packets, the broken beer bottles and
L06 164 empty beer cans on the grass verge on Saturday and Sunday
L06 165 mornings. ^She listened to the sound of the radio, the loud
L06 166 jangle of music from the open kitchen window as George Coker made
L06 167 his breakfast and lunch; she smelled the smells of Kowhai Street,
L06 168 the burning rubber from rubbish fires in the houses fronting the
L06 169 State Highway, the drift of leaking gas from the garage on
L06 170 Gillespie Street, the spray-painting fumes from the car-yards
L06 171 fronting the highway, the drift of pesticide from the commercial
L06 172 gardens and orchards out of town; the daily lunch of stew from
L06 173 the old people's home; and also, fronting the highway, the
L06 174 freesias in the gardens, the bushes of daisies, the trellises of
L06 175 budding honeysuckle, even a hint of the fragrance of the blossoms
L06 176 in the orchards, for it was now late October and the runaway
L06 177 Time, influenced by this imposter typescript, seemed to have
L06 178 removed the guiding presence from each day, and there was only
L06 179 night and day and night and on the wall a calendar recording days
L06 180 of the week and on the mantelpiece a clock, perpetually wound,
L06 181 telling the hours. ^And passing from the obvious sights and
L06 182 sounds and scents, the movements of grass, of branches, stalks,
L06 183 traffic, people, animals, of gates and doors, Mattina arrived at
L06 184 the sensation lying beyond those easily identified and recorded.
L06 185 ^She moved downwards to a new distance that became incredible in
L06 186 its nearness, like an animal of long ago and far away breathing
L06 187 near her in the dark.
L06 188    |^She experienced this still unreachable distance in the
L06 189 middle of the night when she woke suddenly, not knowing what had
L06 190 wakened her. ^The Puamahara night was dark and still except for
L06 191 the low rumble of the neverending highway traffic and the
L06 192 occasional flickering of the street light outside George Coker's,
L06 193 where it penetrated the tiny holes in the drawn blind gently
L06 194 moving now and then in a current of air blowing between the
L06 195 half-open door and the ill-fitting window-sash. ^The timbers of
L06 196 the house, like the bones of an ageing person had *'settled**'
L06 197 and shrunk, as the years acting like a wine-press had squeezed
L06 198 out their substance.
L06 199    |^Sitting upright in bed, Mattina listened. ^There was the
L06 200 sound of breathing, as if an animal were breathing rhythmically.
L06 201 ^She could sense the bulk, the waves of warmth coming from about
L06 202 half way between the window and her bed. ^She felt her heart turn
L06 203 over with fear; she held her breath and listened again, and again
L06 204 she heard the breathing. ^A large animal was in the room. ^She
L06 205 snapped on her bedlight and looked around into the path of the
L06 206 light and in the shadowed corners. ^Nothing. ^Had it been,
L06 207 perhaps, simply a mouse that she heard too keenly on waking?
L06 208 *#
L07 001 **[480 TEXT L07**]
L07 002 ^*0As I watched Faye turned, eyes shut like a blind puppy, and
L07 003 nuzzled at his cheek. ^I shut the door. ^The Mon Desir box was
L07 004 heavy, but I carried it without bumping out the back door to the
L07 005 laundry. ^Then I opened it and fed the whole set, calm in the
L07 006 face, plate by plate, into the clothes drier. ^After Barry and
L07 007 Faye had gone I knelt on the laundry floor to watch while the
L07 008 drier spun and Mon Desir shattered into a hail of pink and white
L07 009 pieces. ^Then I took two Disprin and went back to the Loom Room.
L07 010 ^My head felt light and clear. ^Elaine was glad to see me because
L07 011 there had been an unexpected rush.
L07 012    |^The dinner party on Saturday was a great success. ^I made
L07 013 a little American flag for the centre of the table and I had
L07 014 bought some red gingham serviettes too that morning when I went
L07 015 to the Farmers' to buy a pair of Saracen sheets and some frilly
L07 016 pyjamas like the ones in the ad. ^Faye said the table looked
L07 017 perfect and they had brought a bottle of Californian wine which
L07 018 complemented the menu theme. ^All the food came out like the
L07 019 photos in the book, even the gumbo, which I made with parsnips
L07 020 instead of okra and the pecan pie, which I had made with walnuts.
L07 021 ^After dinner Faye said, *'^We'll help with the dishes**', but I
L07 022 said no, we had a dishwasher, remember? ^All we had to do now was
L07 023 stack the dishes and switch on. ^So they said they'd help us
L07 024 stack the dishes. ^I rinsed them off and handed them to Lance who
L07 025 put them in the dishwasher. ^Faye and Barry stayed to talk in the
L07 026 dining room. ^I could hear the murmur of their voices, laughter,
L07 027 and pause. ^*'Handy things, these,**' said Lance, kneeling by the
L07 028 washer, and I said yes, but I miss the chance to talk to Barry
L07 029 over the washing up and Lance laughed and said yes, that happened
L07 030 at their house too, and all the time I was looking at the back of
L07 031 his neck. ^He'd taken off his tie. ^His hair was damp and curled
L07 032 and his skin shone and he smelled sharp and sweet.
L07 033 ^*'Excalibur**' I think it's called. ^Faye gave a bottle to Barry
L07 034 last Christmas. ^I like it too. ^I handed him the casserole.
L07 035 ^Then as he bent to put it in the machine I leaned over and
L07 036 touched his neck. ^The patch of bare brown shining skin, that
L07 037 curling hair. ^It was much softer than I had ever imagined, like
L07 038 a poodle's coat and it curled round my little finger. ^When I
L07 039 kissed the little bump at the nape he tasted of sweat and,
L07 040 faintly, of lotion. ^He didn't move. ^Knelt very still. ^Barry
L07 041 had turned on the \0TV for the sports highlights. ^*'Hey,
L07 042 Lance,**' he called from the other room, *'the football's
L07 043 started.**' ^So Lance stood and said, *'^What was that in aid
L07 044 of?**' and smiled, and I said I didn't know and I really didn't,
L07 045 and it might have been hullo, but I think it was goodbye and I
L07 046 made some coffee and we watched *1Sports Special.
L07 047    |^*0I didn't switch on the dishwasher until they went home
L07 048 at 10.30. ^They had to go early because of Lance's training.
L07 049 ^Barry and I sat by the fire and I made another cup of coffee.
L07 050 ^The late movie was starting *- *1Camelot. ^*0Barry was lying on
L07 051 the sofa and I had the \0EZ Boy. ^And halfway through he said,
L07 052 *'^Hey, what happened to the dinner set?**' ^*'It got broken,**'
L07 053 I said, *'in the clothes drier.**' ^*'In the clothes drier? ^What
L07 054 was it doing in the clothes drier?**' he said. ^*'I put it
L07 055 there,**' I said. ^*'When?**' he said. ^*'On Thursday
L07 056 afternoon,**' I said. *'^At lunch time.**' ^*'Oh,**' he said.
L07 057 ^*'Never mind,**' I said, looking at him lying there with his
L07 058 hands behind his head and his legs spread and I went over to him
L07 059 and sort of tumbled him on to the floor. ^We made love and while
L07 060 we lay there I could hear the dishwasher chugging and whirring
L07 061 out in the kitchen, washing all our mess away. ^And we never did
L07 062 find out what happened to Lancelot and Arthur and Vanessa
L07 063 Redgrave.
L07 064 *<*5Airmen*>
L07 065 |...*0this afternoon, sitting under a silver birch in early
L07 066 summer, I decide I shall write about three things I do not
L07 067 understand: a man, a motorbike, and an aeroplane. ^Why? ^It will
L07 068 be a challenge (think of Ibsen with Nora at his elbow in her blue
L07 069 dress, Hardy and his secret red-lipped Tess). ^It will be an
L07 070 adventure. ^No guidebook, only a smattering of the lingo, up and
L07 071 over the border into foreign territory...
L07 072 *|^I'll begin with two boys. ^Those square-faced, white-haired
L07 073 boys with pink cheeks who went to country schools and wore
L07 074 cut-down trousers and striped handknitted jerseys. ^A barn, grey
L07 075 wooden slabs pulling this way and that, letting in zigzag streaks
L07 076 of dust-laden light. ^Harrow, dray, wire in exploding coils,
L07 077 bags, some full, some empty and flung down. ^Straw tumbling, nest
L07 078 for mice and rats and the narrow grey farm cats. ^And behind the
L07 079 harrow, leaning against the wall, a Harley Davidson 989 {0cc}
L07 080 motorcycle.
L07 081 *|^*'That's Jim's bike,**' says one white-haired boy who is
L07 082 Graham to the other who is Eddie. ^Jim is in France. ^Jim is with
L07 083 the Royal Flying Corps. ^Jim is *'Anzac Atkins**'.
L07 084 *|^*'We got a letter today, from Jim,**' says Graham.
L07 085    |^*'Oh,**' says Eddie, sitting astride the bike, leaning
L07 086 forward nyerrowwmm into the long invisible straight.
L07 087    |*'^He shot down a Hun four weeks ago.**'
L07 088    |^*'Mmmm,**' says Eddie.
L07 089    |*'^The newspapers call the Flying Corps the *"Knights of
L07 090 the Air**".**'
L07 091    |^*'My uncle's in France,**' says Eddie, taking a fast
L07 092 corner.
L07 093    |^*'What's he do?**' says Graham. *'^It's my turn. ^Get
L07 094 off.**'
L07 095    |^*'He's a sapper,**' and Eddie climbs down slowly.
L07 096    |*'^What's a sapper do?**'
L07 097    |*'^I think he blows up things.**'
L07 098    |(^You couldn't compete with a Knight of the Air.)
L07 099 *|^Another afternoon, rain beating on the barn roof, dripping on
L07 100 to the straw and the sacks, trickling along a muddy furrow in the
L07 101 floor.
L07 102    |^*'His plane's called Annie,**' says Graham. *'^After our
L07 103 cousin.**'
L07 104    |^Curious. ^Annie is small and sharp with freckles. *'^What
L07 105 did he want to go and call it after her for?**'
L07 106    |^Graham shrugs. *'^It's painted brown, his plane. ^But all
L07 107 the German planes are different colours, like in a circus so
L07 108 that's what they call them, the circus. ^They're red and yellow
L07 109 and black and all colours.**' ^Eddie sits on a sack picking at
L07 110 bits of chaff and red, black and yellow splinters scatter in a
L07 111 grey French sky.
L07 112 *|^Under Graham's bed and well hidden, knees tucked up away from
L07 113 brothers and sisters. ^There's an applebox filled with treasure,
L07 114 his plane collection cut carefully from magazines *'...and that's
L07 115 a Sopwith Scout... and this is a Fokker Eindecker \0E*=III... a
L07 116 Handley Page 0/400 but it's not a real fighter they just use it
L07 117 to drop bombs... a Le Rho*?5ne Nieuport Scout... an {0SE}5. ^And
L07 118 this is a Sopwith Camel**' which was the best because it had two
L07 119 guns and could climb high and it was the fastest.
L07 120    |*'^What does Jim fly?**'
L07 121    |*'^A Sopwith Camel, of course.**'
L07 122    |^Of course.
L07 123 *|^It was a thin black metal cross, punctured by two neat holes.
L07 124 ^Graham brought it to school in a toffee tin lined with cotton
L07 125 wool. ^It had been torn by Jim off one of those bright little
L07 126 planes.
L07 127    |*'^He's bagged six. ^This was off the sixth.**'
L07 128    |^*'Are those bullet holes?**' tracing the rough metal edge
L07 129 with your little finger.
L07 130    |*'^Yep.**'
L07 131    |^The uncle who is a sapper is in hospital in Kent. ^You
L07 132 couldn't compete with a Knight of the Air.
L07 133 *|...Sopwith Scout... umm, Fokker Eindecker \0E*=III...
L07 134 Albatross... {0SE}5 no Handley Page 0/400... Nieuport Scout and
L07 135 Sopwith Camel, the fastest and the best...
L07 136 *|*'^Just think of it, Graham (the handwriting thick, black and
L07 137 sloping) we taxi out in the early morning, the whole flight, and
L07 138 wait wingtip to wingtip, till we get the order. ^Then it's open
L07 139 throttles and off we go with a whoop and roar you can probably
L07 140 hear all the way back at home. ^We head out towards the lines,
L07 141 keeping a sharp lookout all the time. ^The Hun is very cheeky and
L07 142 very clever. ^He'll wait up in the eye of the sun where he can't
L07 143 be seen then swoop down like a hawk on a mouse *- so you must
L07 144 always watch and keep your wits about you. ^We give chase to any
L07 145 Huns we meet, rattling away at them and they go like stink. ^Then
L07 146 back to base when we've cleared the sky, stunting and spinning.
L07 147 ^Our chaps are A1 Hun-getters. ^We have a hit roll in the mess
L07 148 and the list grows daily. ^{0P.S.} I have a little dog, a terrier
L07 149 cross. ^I call him Bert because I found him on the road near
L07 150 Bertangles. ^He is a scallywag, but good company and he keeps my
L07 151 toes warm on these cold French mornings...**'
L07 152 *|*'^Those cold French mornings.**' ^So clear. ^You lift up
L07 153 through mist and cloud into autumn sunlight. ^At 13,000 feet it's
L07 154 cold and ice forms round your nose and mouth under your mask.
L07 155 ^The plane you've named after your cousin shudders under your
L07 156 hand and you climb up over the lines through puffs of smoke,
L07 157 white for ours, black for theirs, watch for gunfire flash, count,
L07 158 change course, zigzag towards the enemy, sunlight on wings and
L07 159 wind driving full in your face... ^No. ^Nothing could compare
L07 160 with it, being a Knight of the Air.
L07 161    |^Nyerrowwwmmmm. ^Dadadadadat.
L07 162 *|^\0Mrs Everitt is small and round and soft as a bun. ^She has
L07 163 to stretch to reach the top of the board, so Eddie stays behind
L07 164 sometimes to help her dust off words and sums to leave a clear
L07 165 black space for the morning. ^That's when they talk. ^That's when
L07 166 he tells her about the bike. ^That's where the experiment takes
L07 167 shape.
L07 168 *|^It was one Saturday. ^Graham was away but Eddie had gone over
L07 169 to play and while he waited there was this bike, Jim's bike, a
L07 170 Harley Davidson 989 {0cc}. ^Really fast. ^He'd ridden it up and
L07 171 down the road and no, Graham's mother didn't seem to notice or
L07 172 mind, so he was looking at it and suddenly he thought why
L07 173 couldn't it fly? ^Because it would be simple if you put some
L07 174 poles on the sides and tied a sheet or something over the top, if
L07 175 you got up enough speed. (^The mountain clear and white overhead,
L07 176 the paddock stretching away toward the house.)
L07 177    |*'^And how would you steer it, Eddie?**'
L07 178    |^*'With a kite, \0Mrs Everitt. ^You just put the kite on
L07 179 the back, then you sit on the seat and lean on the handlebars
L07 180 with your chest like this**' (leaning over a chair while \0Mrs
L07 181 Everitt prints carefully *'^Today is Thursday, March 3, 1918**'
L07 182 on the board) *'and it goes wherever you want.**'
L07 183 *|^So he made the wings from bamboo and sheet and flew the Harley
L07 184 Davidson round the paddock first, just to try it out. ^\0Mrs
L07 185 Everitt said, *'^That's very interesting, Eddie.**'
L07 186 *|^A week later the Harley Davidson flew round Egmont. ^Eddie
L07 187 rode alone, leaning against the handlebars, bending this way and
L07 188 that, sunlight on bamboo and sheet and the Tasman wind full in
L07 189 his face. ^He recalled quite clearly how the bike had at first
L07 190 bumped over rabbit holes and gorse as they raced down the paddock
L07 191 and then the clean lift into the air. ^There was no question. ^No
L07 192 doubt. ^\0Mrs Everitt wrote Qq Qq Qq in a row and said, *'^You're
L07 193 a very clever boy, Eddie. ^That must have been thrilling.**' ^And
L07 194 it was.
L07 195 *|^Nyerrowwwmmmm. ^Dadadadadadat.
L07 196 *|^And that could be the end of the story. ^But I like him, this
L07 197 boy. ^I like especially the way his thin little-boy legs press
L07 198 firm against the triple comforts of metal and power and speed.
L07 199 *#
L08 001 **[481 TEXT L08**]
L08 002 *<*0five*>
L08 003 |^*'What do you do?**' the callers sometimes asked. *'^How do you
L08 004 spend your time?**'
L08 005    |*'^I think a lot. ^A lot is going on inside my head.**'
L08 006    |*'^What do you think about?**'
L08 007    |^*'All sorts of things,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. *'^You
L08 008 would be surprised at what I think about.**'
L08 009    |*'^Don't think too much, then.**' ^A doubtfulness had come
L08 010 into their expressions now, a frightened kind of calculation.
L08 011 *'^It isn't good to dwell on things. ^Should you take up wider
L08 012 interests?**'
L08 013    |*'^I think about a great range of things, a very wide range
L08 014 of subjects.**'
L08 015    |*'^Such as what?**'
L08 016    |*'^I think about my night fortifications and how I must
L08 017 check that the doors are locked and the windows are closed. ^I
L08 018 think about how to pass the time.**'
L08 019    |^*'You must have some idea of the time?**' the doctor had
L08 020 said. *'^Surely you must have glanced at a clock or looked at
L08 021 your watch sometime? ^You might have some idea about the time to
L08 022 give me if you sit down for a moment? ^If you collect your
L08 023 thoughts? ^If you look at the clock again or stare at your watch
L08 024 *- something might occur to you?**'
L08 025    |^She sat down again beside the body under the grandiflora
L08 026 tree.
L08 027    |^*'I haven't any idea,**' she said at last. *'^It was when
L08 028 the sun had set but its light hadn't quite gone. ^It was just
L08 029 before dusk, before official dusk began.**'
L08 030    |*'^Official dusk?**' ^The doctor wore that expression of
L08 031 careful nicety again. *'^What is that?**'
L08 032    |^*'I don't quite know,**' said \0Mrs Crichton, and placed
L08 033 one hand on Charlie's left ear, rubbed it gently. *'^Charlie used
L08 034 to say, *"^Well, it's officially dusk now,**" and it was just
L08 035 before that, if he'd said it. ^It was something he invented.**'
L08 036    |*'^He used to say when it was officially dusk?**'
L08 037    |^*'Yes,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. *'^And in the morning he
L08 038 used to say, *"^It's officially morning now,**" when he got
L08 039 up.**'
L08 040    |^*'I see,**' said the doctor. *'^So you really can't give
L08 041 me any specific time?**'
L08 042    |^*'No,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. ^And then, *'^Could you tell
L08 043 me *- would you mind telling me *- why are his ears black?**'
L08 044 ^She picked up one of those hands. *'^And his fingers? ^Why are
L08 045 they black? ^Why are they suddenly black?**'
L08 046    |^*'That's what happens,**' said the doctor, *'with a heart
L08 047 attack. ^The extremities change colour.**'
L08 048    |*'^You mean they go black?**'
L08 049    |^*'Yes,**' said the doctor, *'they go black, if you like.
L08 050 ^That's a simple way of putting it.**'
L08 051    |^*'Simple,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. *'^Charlie always used
L08 052 to say that I  was simple, like a person not all there.**'
L08 053    |^*'Yes, I see,**' said the doctor, *'so you really can't
L08 054 give me any definitely specific time for this?**'
L08 055    |^*'No,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. *'^I remember hearing six
L08 056 o'clock strike but that was a long time ago. ^I don't remember
L08 057 looking at the clock or hearing the clock or looking at my watch
L08 058 again.**'
L08 059    |^*'I think about the time,**' said \0Mrs Crichton to the
L08 060 callers who asked about her thoughts. *'^I think about the
L08 061 quality of light and I think about my teddybear and my dancing.
L08 062 ^I think about a great range of things.**' ^It was not possible
L08 063 to please them.
L08 064    |^*'Don't think too much,**' they often said. *'^Don't
L08 065 brood. ^Don't dwell on things.**'
L08 066    |*'^I don't think I dwell on things. ^I think quite funny
L08 067 things sometimes, and I laugh.**'
L08 068    |^*'Things must be faced,**' the callers often said.
L08 069 *'^You're not shutting them off, are you? ^You're not running
L08 070 away from things?**'
L08 071    |^*'No,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. *'^I'm not shutting myself
L08 072 off from things. ^I do not run away.**'
L08 073    |^Every night \0Mrs Crichton awakened at exactly 2.47,
L08 074 roused by a dream in which Charles was lying once more under the
L08 075 grandiflora tree, but wearing the wrong clothes. ^The dream
L08 076 expanded as time passed. ^At first she dreamt again merely of the
L08 077 body lying beneath the tree, in the wrong clothes, and as one
L08 078 month became another the dream expanded like the passage of time.
L08 079 ^In later dreams she saw Charlie falling, then walking towards
L08 080 the tree before falling.
L08 081    |^*'But those are the wrong clothes,**' she would say to the
L08 082 bear. *'^Charlie wasn't wearing those clothes. ^Charlie was
L08 083 wearing a blue shirt with red piping on the pocket and red shorts
L08 084 with white piping. ^He is in the wrong clothes, bearie. ^Why is
L08 085 he wearing the wrong clothes?**'
L08 086    |^With the bear tucked under one arm she then made her way
L08 087 along the upstairs hall to Charlie's library, tiptoeing though
L08 088 there was no-one to rouse. ^On nights when the moon shone through
L08 089 the windows she walked freely through Charlie's assembly of
L08 090 bookcases and cabinets, and on nights of scudding cloud felt the
L08 091 way with stealth and cunning.
L08 092    |^There was one fine and reassuring aspect of these nightly
L08 093 excursions through her own house, illuminated only by the light
L08 094 of the moon or lightning till she placed a hand upon the lamp
L08 095 that lit one corner of the library. ^An assurance, within the odd
L08 096 framework of solitariness, came to her then and gave an extra
L08 097 illumination like that from a compliment or the warmth of a
L08 098 friend's greeting. ^Charlie's big desk seemed like a ship that
L08 099 sailed through a wild foam of letters and cards littering the
L08 100 floor.
L08 101    |^When the callers found her during the day with their tales
L08 102 of despair and assurances of disaster \0Mrs Crichton imagined
L08 103 herself to be suddenly shrunken, at least in their eyes and
L08 104 ideas, to be taking up too much space even in her own rooms.
L08 105    |^*'You must realise,**' said one, like a schoolmistress,
L08 106 *'that your juices will dry up. ^Your system will dry up.**'
L08 107    |^*'Mine won't,**' said \0Mrs Crichton and thought of the
L08 108 big desk upstairs and her own marshalling of the pens and
L08 109 pencils, the choice of paper for replies.
L08 110    |*'^How do you know?**' ^There was disparagement now.
L08 111    |^*'Because I do,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. *'^I'm the captain
L08 112 now and my system won't dry up till I say so.**'
L08 113    |*'^I often think of you.**'
L08 114    |^*'There is not a lot of use in that,**' said \0Mrs
L08 115 Crichton and sat fleetingly upon the farthest chair, clasped the
L08 116 carved arm of it as some may take the hand of a friend. *'^There
L08 117 isn't any use in that at all, not for me there isn't. ^It is not
L08 118 much use people thinking of me *- thoughts of which I am unaware
L08 119 in distant spots of which I have no knowledge. ^That is no use to
L08 120 me at all.**' ^She waited for them to go.
L08 121    |*'^If there's anything we can do *- Nigel's very handy,
L08 122 aren't you, Nigel?**'
L08 123    |^Nigel said he was very handy.
L08 124    |^*'Thank you,**' said \0Mrs Crichton, *'I'll remember that.
L08 125 ^I'll remember Nigel's very handy.**'
L08 126    |*'^It's very sad that you have no faith in the power of
L08 127 thought.**' ^They turned and regarded her sadly as if she had
L08 128 committed a minor but distressing crime.
L08 129    |^*'Thoughts are no use,**' said \0Mrs Crichton and began to
L08 130 close the door. *'^Thoughts do not talk to you when darkness
L08 131 falls, thoughts aren't any help if you get the heebie-jeebies,
L08 132 thoughts don't feed anyone. ^They don't cook dinner. ^Thoughts
L08 133 don't keep you company. ^And don't trip over that piping. ^Don't
L08 134 trip over the spouting.**'
L08 135    |*'^We all thought of you the other night when Jane and
L08 136 Anthony came to dinner. ^Everyone thought of you.**' ^The
L08 137 telephone often rang as darkness fell as if the gathering
L08 138 darkness and gloom reminded them of what a black and prohibited
L08 139 piece of territory she had become, a telling reminder of
L08 140 destruction that could not be invited anywhere because it might
L08 141 spoil the party. *'^Everyone had something nice to say about you.
L08 142 ^You must remember Jane and Anthony?**'
L08 143    |^\0Mrs Crichton, after a pause she chose to prolong, said
L08 144 she remembered Jane and Anthony.
L08 145    |*'^They asked to be remembered to you. ^They said they'd
L08 146 get in touch with you when they got back from America. *"^I must
L08 147 do something about poor Bernadette,**" Jane said.**'
L08 148    |^*'How very kind,**' said \0Mrs Crichton and already her
L08 149 hand was moving the telephone receiver back to its cradle, the
L08 150 words falling like the lower notes of a viola within the
L08 151 frame**[ARB**]-work of an obscure, unpopular and mostly unplayed
L08 152 duet.
L08 153    |*'^Have you thought of taking up something?**' ^More
L08 154 callers had slipped through the shrubbery, climbed over the
L08 155 locked gate, caught her sitting on the front doorstep in a bar of
L08 156 warm sunlight. *'^I must say you're looking well.**' ^They would
L08 157 have seemed more at ease, she thought, if she had been ill. *'^I
L08 158 must say you're very tanned.**' ^This browning of the flesh and
L08 159 skin felt suddenly like a lewd extravagance. *'^Isn't she tanned?
L08 160 ^Hasn't she got a lovely tan?**'
L08 161    |*'^I work outside a lot.**'
L08 162    |*'^You should take up something. ^You could take up bridge.
L08 163 ^You could take up mah jong. ^My mother took up
L08 164 Toastmistresses.**'
L08 165    |*'^Your mother was sixty-nine.**'
L08 166    |*'^No she wasn't. ^She was sixty-eight.**'
L08 167    |*'^Your mother was sixty-eight, then. ^I am forty-two.**'
L08 168    |*'^They take younger people.**'
L08 169    |^*'Thank you,**' said \0Mrs Crichton. *'^I'll think about
L08 170 what you've said. ^I shall file it away for future reference.
L08 171 ^I'll put it in the pipeline and wait for it to regurgitate
L08 172 itself in another form at a later date.**' ^Charlie would have
L08 173 known her politely cold brand of sociable anger. *'^I miss
L08 174 Charlie,**' she said idly, still blocking the doorway, legs
L08 175 grimed from kneeling amongst the flower beds and one gardening
L08 176 plimsoll swinging from a filthy left foot.
L08 177    |*'^Of course you miss Charlie.**' ^This remark had pleased
L08 178 them. *'^Why don't you take a correspondence course?**'
L08 179    |*'^I have.**' ^She thought of the volume of mail to be
L08 180 dealt with, the stiff white envelopes more and more like large
L08 181 pale razor**[ARB**]-blades containing punishing messages of
L08 182 devastation, gloom and misery. ^*1It must be terrible for you,
L08 183 *0the letters said. ^*1It must be frightful. ^You must be
L08 184 devastated. ^The news spoilt our holiday. ^Poor Bernadette. ^Poor
L08 185 Charles. ^We sometimes think of you.
L08 186    |*'^*0Good.**' ^They were immensely satisfied with their
L08 187 inaccurate evaluation of her unusually truthful reply. *'^Taking
L08 188 a correspondence course will do you the world of good.**'
L08 189    |*'^I am not able to ask you in.**' ^\0Mrs Crichton remained
L08 190 sprawled on the step in gardening clothes. *'^I have had so many
L08 191 callers that I'm not able to ask anyone in any more.**' ^She
L08 192 watched them go, saw a lightness come into their steps as they
L08 193 climbed over the gate again, regained the cheerful safety of
L08 194 their own vehicles, drove away smiling because, she thought, they
L08 195 had viewed her own disadvantages at close proximity and judging
L08 196 them to be greater than their own, had been enlivened and
L08 197 enriched.
L08 198    |^*'Well, bearie,**' she said, *'that gets rid of them,
L08 199 doesn't it?**' ^She knew if she had seen her own reflection in a
L08 200 mirror at that moment her face would have worn the bland and
L08 201 featureless expression of, possibly, a boiled egg.
L08 202    |^*'But it isn't my fault,**' she shouted in the night after
L08 203 nightmares about Charles in the wrong clothes. ^*'It isn't my
L08 204 fault. ^It wasn't my fault, bearie,**' and she would clutch the
L08 205 end of the bed, grasp the bear before making her way along to the
L08 206 library, the urgent hands like those of a man tormented so that
L08 207 the exact truth may be extracted under duress. ^*'But it isn't my
L08 208 fault,**' \0Mrs Crichton would shout into the darkness. *'^It
L08 209 wasn't Charlie's fault that he died. ^It wasn't my fault. ^Nobody
L08 210 did anything wrong.**'
L08 211    |^*'We didn't ask you to come,**' the callers often said
L08 212 whilst describing their outings or visitors. ^*'But everybody
L08 213 thought of you *- you were mentioned,**' and they took on eager
L08 214 expressions then, as though she might be pleased at being
L08 215 remembered, as if the thought of her had become encapsulated like
L08 216 the last sealed recording of an aria from an opera singer
L08 217 squashed, three seconds after the last note, by falling scenery.
L08 218    |^The actual walls of the house seemed to draw about her, to
L08 219 provide a restorative sojourn for fatigue and intrusion as the
L08 220 depths of winter were reached.
L08 221    |^*'This place is so big,**' they had said.
L08 222 *#
L09 001 **[482 TEXT L09**]
L09 002 |^*0Anyway, unless we start talking to one another, it's sure our
L09 003 connection will end. ^So if we soon exhaust what we have to say
L09 004 to one another and lose interest, then so what?
L09 005 |\0A *- ^Either way it looks like the end of the road for us.
L09 006 |\0N *- ^Perhaps. ^That depends on you at least in the first
L09 007 place.
L09 008 *<10*>
L09 009 |^Monday was {0ANZAC} Day. ^I didn't see you on Tuesday. ^But on
L09 010 Wednesday I was sitting in Tanners Mall as per usual and about
L09 011 1.08 you came past.
L09 012    |^Though it was warm enough, you had on your heavy black
L09 013 raincoat, tight across the bust. ^Your face is getting fatter,
L09 014 almost square.
L09 015    |^I watched you traverse the length of my view along the
L09 016 Mall. ^You looked back well along to assure yourself perhaps I
L09 017 was not or was following. ^I stayed put.
L09 018    |^I did not think you would return that way; but at 1.20 you
L09 019 did. ^I almost missed you, seeing you only when you already had
L09 020 your back to me. ^But you saw me clearly both ways.
L09 021    |^This is the first time you have come this way at this hour
L09 022 for a fortnight. ^What will you do for the rest of this week?
L09 023 *<11*>
L09 024 |^There was no sign of you during the lunch break on Thursday.
L09 025 ^But that evening my wife and I had to go to the high school to a
L09 026 parents occasion. ^So we met downtown at 5.00 oclock. ^Coming
L09 027 back along Lampton Cirque as I anticipated we walked into you and
L09 028 Joel. ^This confirms that you are keeping to your normal time
L09 029 (leaving work at 5.00) and using the park route on Tuesdays and
L09 030 Thursdays and the Viaduct route on Wednesdays and Fridays. ^You
L09 031 were looking broad and sallow of face, and talking vigorously and
L09 032 loudly in your manner to Joel.
L09 033    |^When you saw me a bit off you did not waste time looking
L09 034 at me but fixed your eyes on my wife's face in close scrutiny.
L09 035 ^This was your first chance to get a good look at her. ^Did you
L09 036 guess she was my wife? no doubt. ^Or did you think she was my new
L09 037 obsession?
L09 038    |^My wife looks like a sturdy peasant woman. ^She does not
L09 039 have the economical smartness you show. ^But she was street
L09 040 presentable. ^She has a round, broad face, quite placid. ^She
L09 041 certainly looks no older than yourself.
L09 042    |^My wife is quite the opposite of you, Ann. ^Where you are
L09 043 talkative and dynamic, she is positively taciturn, at least in my
L09 044 company. ^She does not choose to talk to me much at all and is
L09 045 intolerant of my talking to her. ^Partly this is distrust of me.
L09 046 ^Partly at bottom it is the result of a little deafness which she
L09 047 has always had. ^My wife can be exceedingly intense, but becomes
L09 048 equally as tense as intense and instead of appearing animated
L09 049 ends up self suppressed.
L09 050 *<12*>
L09 051 |^A week has passed and I have not seen you at all. ^Perhaps now
L09 052 that you know my pattern and that I am sticking to it, you have
L09 053 taken yourself out of my life. ^You know I could never walk out
L09 054 of your life. ^But I might shuffle out of it. ^If you will not
L09 055 actively be a friend to me, then I will make do with memories and
L09 056 dreams of you so long as I find a value in doing so.
L09 057 *<13*>
L09 058 |^It was Thursday week that you saw me with my wife. ^I hadn't
L09 059 seen you since.
L09 060    |^I was beginning to think that you had reacted in jealousy?
L09 061 from the thought that I really was beyond your reach? and taken
L09 062 yourself off, confirming that after all you had been taking an
L09 063 interest in me and bringing yourself to my attention.
L09 064    |^It could be the case after all that you have had delusions
L09 065 about me with which you were amusing yourself until at length you
L09 066 realised that I am really just an ordinary harmless Joe Bloggs,
L09 067 just another woman's husband like Joel, so that at best you could
L09 068 have no more than any innocent relationship with me, not this
L09 069 fantasy that we have been having with me cast as the rapist. ^So
L09 070 on being brought to your senses, perhaps you have given me over
L09 071 for good. ^So I conjectured.
L09 072    |^One way or the other that view of me with my wife could
L09 073 change or could have changed your thinking and influenced your
L09 074 conduct. ^Maybe it did.
L09 075    |^But today (Friday) you did reappear. ^I was sitting in
L09 076 Tanners Mall when at 1.10 you came walking through on your way
L09 077 back to work. ^The way you came I had my back to you. ^You were
L09 078 past me again (as last time) when I caught sight of you first.
L09 079 ^You must have seen me, but you took no notice. ^Did you come by
L09 080 to check up on me? for old time's sake, shall we say? ^Your hair
L09 081 looked a bit frizzled as if a hair dresser had been curling it or
L09 082 waving it. ^Heaven knows mine looks grey and greyer.
L09 083    |^I would think you must have come this way first thing in
L09 084 your lunch hour, say 12.40, and so had completed this end of your
L09 085 routine when I saw you.
L09 086    |^I stayed put while you disappeared from sight and for ten
L09 087 minutes afterwards.
L09 088    |^Then at 1.20 I got up and went back your way as I had some
L09 089 banking to do. ^When I was at Grocer \0St you came out of the
L09 090 bank premises and proceeded back to you office, and I watched you
L09 091 still from Grocer \0St where I remained as you entered the
L09 092 entrance to work.
L09 093    |^I then had an hour and a half to fill up downtown (which I
L09 094 did looking at artbooks in the library) until my printer had some
L09 095 work ready for me.
L09 096    |^A bit before three I set off, going down Lampton Cirque,
L09 097 and as I approached Feathersham \0St you came out of it. ^We were
L09 098 both in the carriage way converging as we passed. ^I was not near
L09 099 enough to read your expression, but you would have seen me and
L09 100 your mouth was working in a pout.
L09 101    |^So that was my day and my week, no sighting of you before
L09 102 Friday and then two coincidences following it.
L09 103    |^I have confirmed the view that you have hour long lunch
L09 104 hours and in fact go about your affairs in reversed orders at
L09 105 times. ^You get back from lunch about 1.25. ^You must have
L09 106 another wander about 2.30, so that you are returning at 3. ^If
L09 107 you spend so much time in the street I can understand why you
L09 108 button up so inveterately. ^You had your heavy coat on today
L09 109 throughout.
L09 110    |^Whenever you are out of sight for any length of time I
L09 111 begin (a) to forget you and (b) get unhappy about it at least in
L09 112 the sense that I feel more and more miserable. ^I was on an
L09 113 upbeat today anyway but perhaps you confirmed it.
L09 114    |^But after such an interval I see you again a bit as a
L09 115 stranger. ^You seem a very infantile, negligible person, if I
L09 116 could see you objectively.
L09 117    |^For whatever reason I have been feeling exhausted this
L09 118 week. ^I have been working too hard by half. ^So I am a bit
L09 119 detached from you. ^It is approaching mid winter, always a time
L09 120 of pause and redirection for me. ^It is eight months since we
L09 121 last spoke together for the only time in twenty months. ^One
L09 122 might almost think I had come to the end of my tether with you.
L09 123    |^But in fact my goodwill for you survives what is after all
L09 124 no more than misunderstanding on your part; and therefore I would
L09 125 easily rebuild my illusions about you, and I know it. ^So I take
L09 126 a charitable view of your attitudes and lifestyle. ^I can imagine
L09 127 myself enjoying your company and your ways well enough however
L09 128 limited your social activities.
L09 129 *<14*>
L09 130 |^You told me long ago you did the banking, but actually I did
L09 131 not know what this meant in practice. ^I see it means taking
L09 132 cheques to banks a couple of times a day.
L09 133    |^It always amazed me that whenever I saw you around town
L09 134 you were on your own. ^I assumed from this that you were
L09 135 extremely alienated from people. ^While that interpretation may
L09 136 well still be true, now I see that there may be another
L09 137 explanation, for simply if you are working as you wander about
L09 138 town, and that is the clear evidence, then of course you are
L09 139 going to be on your own. ^You are unlikely to take or pick up or
L09 140 accept company as you go about your duties.
L09 141 *<15*>
L09 142 |^You started this line of thought last September by asking what
L09 143 I thought I was up to. ^I had no quick answer to give on the
L09 144 spot.
L09 145    |^In your mind I am sure you see me as showing symptoms of
L09 146 \De Clerambault's syndrome. ^I have been reluctant to agree about
L09 147 that, but up till now I had no alternative view to offer. ^I do
L09 148 now.
L09 149    |^By suggesting I had \De Clerambault's syndrome you were
L09 150 giving a psychological explanation of my conduct. ^That is the
L09 151 fashionable approach because it causes no difficulty to
L09 152 reactionaries. ^It is the approach that presupposes there is
L09 153 something wrong with the person.
L09 154    |^But I take the alternative approach and give a
L09 155 sociological explanation. ^I look for the sociological
L09 156 explanation of my conduct. ^I seek for the features in society
L09 157 that condition my behaviour; so that far from there being
L09 158 anything wrong with me that I act so, on the contrary I am 
L09 159 pre-conditioned to act so because of the way society now is.
L09 160    |^The explanation I am about to give owes something to the
L09 161 views of {0H G} Wells who discusses how sexual morality reflects
L09 162 the conditions of society at any time.
L09 163    |^I don't want to go into too much history.
L09 164 |^So I will put it simply.
L09 165 |^In the last hundred years the attitude of men and women to one
L09 166 another in society has changed.
L09 167    |^Prior to that there had been a pioneering spirit going on
L09 168 one way or other for three or four centuries.
L09 169    |^Men and women had tended to enter monogamous marriages.
L09 170 ^The women had tended to give birth to numerous children, and the
L09 171 men had tended to work hard physical lives breaking in the land
L09 172 and cultivating crops, or if they were urban dwelling toiling in
L09 173 industry. ^Understandably men and women found their days and
L09 174 lives pretty exhausting, and had little energy left for
L09 175 extramarital interests.
L09 176    |^This complex of monogamy, high birthrate and hard work was
L09 177 the consequence of economic conditions. ^The European economies
L09 178 since the 15th century were expanding. ^Colonisation and
L09 179 migration were opening up new opportunities which people could
L09 180 exploit as pioneers if they had the stamina and resources. ^Each
L09 181 aspect of the complex of monogamy, high birthrate and hard work
L09 182 served to advance these opportunities. ^There had to be hard work
L09 183 to get the new land going. ^Lots of labour was increasingly
L09 184 needed, hence the large families. ^And as an economic
L09 185 help**[ARB**]-mate and as a breeder a man just had to have a
L09 186 woman in partnership with him if his efforts were to bear fruit.
L09 187 ^So monogamy was prevalent, alike among the settlers who brought
L09 188 out their own womenfolk, and among the single men who took or
L09 189 were given native wives as a necessary part of their working
L09 190 arrangements. ^These marriage arrangements were essentially the
L09 191 same, that is monogamy, though they gave rise to racism as
L09 192 coloured offspring were stigmatised in comparison with white
L09 193 offspring.
L09 194    |^That's how it was up till about 1885, but since then
L09 195 things have clearly changed. ^The pioneering days are clearly
L09 196 behind us now. ^There are no longer the opportunities that need a
L09 197 certain complex of social mores to be exploited.
L09 198    |^In the first place it is quite clear the big families have
L09 199 gone. ^There isn't the same demand for home grown labour down on
L09 200 the farm.
L09 201 *#
L10 001 **[483 TEXT L10**]
L10 002 *|^*0Sophie keeps the blinds in the sitting room drawn halfway so
L10 003 that the sun will not fade the Sanderson linen covers of the
L10 004 large armchairs. ^She sits in the dim light with a tragic air.
L10 005 ^The brass table that her uncle brought her from India gleams and
L10 006 scarlet dahlias in a cut-glass bowl cast a glow but she projects
L10 007 a delicate presence against them. ^Jeremy notes how quickly she
L10 008 has arranged herself among the cushions since her stentorian roar
L10 009 across the grass.
L10 010    |^As he had entered the house he heard the blare of the
L10 011 transistor radio which Sophie always keeps beside her wherever
L10 012 she is in the house. ^But at his footfall it is snapped off.
L10 013    |^He looks down at her and remembers how beautiful she has
L10 014 been. ^Still is perhaps, only now he notices the outline of food
L10 015 in her slender throat when she swallows, and the telltale yellow
L10 016 tinge of ageing in her teeth. ^But her hair is dark and curly
L10 017 still, only lightly tipped with grey, and her skin is
L10 018 magnolia-like, perfectly preserved and waxen in its purity,
L10 019 touched lightly with make-up. ^She is dressed in a correctly
L10 020 pleated linen dress with padded shoulders and drawn threadwork on
L10 021 the bodice. ^It is dusty pink. ^She extends a fine hand towards
L10 022 him. *'^Where were you?**'
L10 023    |*'^You know where I was. ^That dreadful Frew man caught up
L10 024 with me.**'
L10 025    |^She nods. ^He has struck the right note. *'^Ah yes.
L10 026 ^Indeed. ^And what did he want?**'
L10 027    |*'^To commiserate.**'
L10 028    |^She flashes him a look, a touch of cunning tinged with
L10 029 triumph.
L10 030    |^*'Four tiles,**' he says. *'^There have been four tiles
L10 031 down already this morning.**'
L10 032    |^*'It will be all right,**' she says.
L10 033    |^*'What was on the radio?**' he asks, knowing that he must.
L10 034    |*'^Forrest Fleming. ^I wanted you to hear him. ^There's
L10 035 just been the most marvellous talkback. ^I could hardly pick it
L10 036 up, but I got it, very faintly. ^He was talking at the end of his
L10 037 last campaign. ^He's raised two hundred and thirty-five thousand
L10 038 dollars for \0St Dorothy's in Justville.**'
L10 039    |^*'Well,**' he says. ^Then he says it again. *'^Well.**'
L10 040    |^For what else can he say? ^He is impressed.
L10 041    |^*'There must be a catch,**' he says. *'^It sounds too good
L10 042 to be true. ^Such a small town.**' ^He is thinking of the huddle
L10 043 of houses across the flat plain that divides his parish from the
L10 044 next.
L10 045    |^*'It is smaller than ours,**' says Sophie with triumph.
L10 046 *'^It will be all right, we will save the church, I know. ^He'll
L10 047 save it for us. ^Oh Jeremy, I know you don't like the idea of a
L10 048 professional fund-raiser to find the money for the repairs, but
L10 049 it's the only thing. ^You do see, don't you?**'
L10 050    |^There is something touchingly girlish about the way she
L10 051 clasps her hands. ^Her fine dark eyes flash with excitement. ^How
L10 052 can he help but love her for her enthusiasm? ^And a bishop's
L10 053 daughter as well. ^How envied he had been when she had said that
L10 054 she would marry him. ^How the cathedral choir had sung.
L10 055    |^*'There,**' he says, *'I've already agreed, you don't have
L10 056 to convince me.**'
L10 057    |^*'We should tell Eunice,**' she says. *'^It was her idea.
L10 058 ^To be fair,**' she adds, as a subtle way of reminding him that
L10 059 although the organist has had an inspiration, only she, Sophie,
L10 060 had the foresight and the drive to carry it through. ^Or the
L10 061 contacts. *'^Eunice is in the church, isn't she?**'
L10 062    |^*'Ah yes,**' he says. *'^The wings of song. ^Practising
L10 063 away in there. ^Couldn't you hear her?**'
L10 064    |^*'A tiny sparrow,**' says Sophie, in sudden poetic flight.
L10 065 *'^I heard the notes squeezing *- squeezing up.**'
L10 066    |*'^Through the holes in the roof.**'
L10 067    |*'^Oh Jeremy, what is the matter? ^Why don't you believe?
L10 068 ^What's happened to your faith?**'
L10 069    |^When he does not reply she says, *'^If you are going near
L10 070 the church would you tell Eunice that I am about to heat some
L10 071 pumpkin soup?**'
L10 072 *|^As he recrosses the lawn Jeremy sings under his breath. ^To
L10 073 the tune of *'^There is a Green Hill**' he whispers *1^What is
L10 074 the matter oh by gosh?/ ^What is the matter *- oh?/ ^What is the
L10 075 matter *- er *- er? ^*0When he enters the vestry door he raises
L10 076 his voice, giving a sign to Eunice that she commence playing
L10 077 again. ^But the other woman in his life has already packed up her
L10 078 papers and the organ lid is down and locked. ^She has heard him
L10 079 but she pretends that she has not.
L10 080    |^Instead she kneels at the altar rails in a prayerful
L10 081 attitude. ^Her slight frame is clad in a scrubbed yellow
L10 082 sweatshirt and a brown dirndl-like skirt that flows around her
L10 083 bent form. ^He sees her roman sandals peeping out from underneath
L10 084 and winces.
L10 085    |^In spite of her signal to keep his distance he approaches
L10 086 Eunice Brown, local organist, dressmaker and cub mistress. ^He
L10 087 is, after all, her spiritual mentor. ^Well, isn't he?
L10 088    |^*'So what *1is *0the matter?**' he asks.
L10 089    |^Eunice gives an exaggerated start, which he decides to
L10 090 ignore. ^He sits on the altar chair and fixes her with what he
L10 091 hopes is a penetrating gaze.
L10 092    |^*'Oh why can't everyone be happy?**' she cries, seeing
L10 093 that he is unmoved by prayer.
L10 094    |^*'My dear Eunice,**' he says, *'I am delirious with joy.
L10 095 ^Why should I not be?**'
L10 096    |^*'You are not,**' she says. *'^Forrest Fleming is coming
L10 097 to save us, and you're going round with a face like a fiddle.**'
L10 098    |*'^He may be coming to save you, but I may be beyond \0Mr
L10 099 Fleming's redemption.**'
L10 100    |*'^How can you say that?**' ^She bends her head, suddenly
L10 101 ashamed. ^*'Oh Father Jeremy,**' she says, *'forgive me, it is
L10 102 only He who saves us I know. ^But the church. ^\0Mr Fleming is
L10 103 His instrument. ^Surely we must have faith in something or
L10 104 everything will fall down around our ears.**'
L10 105    |^Jeremy is unconscionably moved by the sight of her scrawny
L10 106 neck bowed before him. ^He has never touched Eurice Brown's neck
L10 107 but he senses that it may be softer than it appears.
L10 108    |^He looks up towards the roof. ^He could swear he can see
L10 109 light shining through.
L10 110    |*'^Did you hear the story about the church out in the bush?
L10 111 ^It had a light above it. ^No? ^Well they put the power lines
L10 112 through, this was way back, you know, and the electricity was a
L10 113 miracle. ^So. ^To the glory of God and the power supply, the
L10 114 locals put a neon sign over the church. ^Proclaimed the house of
L10 115 the Lord for all to see. ^One night the church burnt down, so
L10 116 what did they save?**'
L10 117    |^*'The sign?**' whispers Eunice.
L10 118    |*'^Of course, Eunice, the sign. ^Well there you are.
L10 119 ^Churches come, they go, but old Claude Neon, he keeps on getting
L10 120 his cut. ^You can't be too careful.**'
L10 121    |^*'That sounds like the way they used to sell television
L10 122 sets and refrigerators to people before they got the power put
L10 123 in,**' she reflects, entering into the spirit of the story.
L10 124 *'^Well, something like that.**'
L10 125    |^*'It does, doesn't it?**' he says in a hearty amiable way.
L10 126    |^She reacts as if stung, tries not to blink the unshed
L10 127 tears which threaten to roll down her hairy earnest face. *'^You
L10 128 made that story up, didn't you?**'
L10 129    |^He is silent for a moment, and still. ^This is the house
L10 130 of the Lord, which, in spite of everything, he loves. ^And he is
L10 131 not without affection for Eunice Brown.
L10 132    |^*'I heard something like it once,**' he says
L10 133 after**[SIC**] while. *'^It is a story not entirely without
L10 134 truth.**'
L10 135    |^And because she is Eunice Brown she believes him. ^Why
L10 136 should she not? ^It is a kind of truth.
L10 137 *|^When they have eaten pumpkin soup and wholemeal bread washed
L10 138 down with squeezed lemon juice (it keeps them healthy, Sophie
L10 139 says), Jeremy retreats to the garden to consider anew the problem
L10 140 of the wasps' nest. ^He must also think about Sunday's sermon,
L10 141 for with the arrival of the fund-raiser there is a real hope
L10 142 abroad that the church will be at least half full.
L10 143    |^But he has barely set foot outside when he hears the
L10 144 telltale slide of more tiles broken loose and skidding down the
L10 145 roof of the church. ^Around the bell tower a large gaping hole
L10 146 has opened up.
L10 147    |^Above, the sky is full of rushing and accumulating clouds
L10 148 and beyond the edge of the town the paddocks lie blue and jade,
L10 149 shadowed by the onset of the approaching rain.
L10 150 *|^Sophie has relented and made tea. *'^You've been practising so
L10 151 hard for Sunday's service,**' she says to Eunice.
L10 152    |*'^Yes. ^Yes, I have.**'
L10 153    |*'^I'm sure it'll be lovely.**'
L10 154    |*'^I'll do my very best.**'
L10 155    |*'^But of course you will. ^You're not nervous, dear? ^No,
L10 156 of course not. ^There, will you pour the tea?**'
L10 157    |*'^It's just that he sounds such a remarkable young man...
L10 158 Sophie, there is no tea in the pot.**'
L10 159    |*'^Oh my dear, how silly of me, there it is in the china
L10 160 pot. ^You see, I polished all the silver today.**'
L10 161    |*'^Of course. ^I should have thought.**'
L10 162    |*'^I polished it ever so hard. ^Look how bright it is.**'
L10 163    |*'^It's beautiful. ^You keep things so nicely, Sophie.**'
L10 164    |*'^\2La, old habits. ^Look, I can see you, Eunice,
L10 165 reflected in the teapot. ^What a strange shape you have. ^Coo-ee.
L10 166 ^You've got a big head. ^And little arms. ^Ooh. ^Now, you've got
L10 167 bosoms.**'
L10 168    |*'^Don't.**' ^Eunice's voice is sharp, and suddenly wary.
L10 169    |*'^Oh dear, you're cross. ^My little joke. ^Why not be
L10 170 light**[ARB**]-hearted? ^I've worked hard for his coming too, you
L10 171 know.**'
L10 172    |^*'It's hot,**' says Eunice, *'it's so hot.**' ^She walks
L10 173 to the window, stands looking out. ^She sees Jeremy but does not
L10 174 signal to him. ^She savours the moment of watching him, unaware
L10 175 that he is being observed. *'^But it may rain before night.**'
L10 176 ^Behind her the phone shrills. ^She hears Sophie pick it up, but
L10 177 her end of the conversation passes over her.
L10 178    |^When Sophie has replaced the receiver she calls in a
L10 179 frightened peremptory way to Eunice. *'^It was him, Forrest
L10 180 Fleming. ^He is calling here this evening. ^He has asked to stay
L10 181 the night.**'
L10 182    |*'^But he is not due until the weekend.**'
L10 183    |*'^He wants to start planning the campaign straight away,
L10 184 he says he can't wait to begin now that he has finished in
L10 185 Justville. ^He'll be here in a few hours.**'
L10 186    |*'^Oh Sophie. ^Will you manage all right?**'
L10 187    |*'^Of course. ^Of course I will. ^I must breathe deeply. ^I
L10 188 must think of father.**'
L10 189    |*'^Indeed.**'
L10 190    |*'^But you must help me Eunice.**'
L10 191 *|^*'And so must you,**' she tells Jeremy when she has summoned
L10 192 him. *'^I'll give you a list to take to the shops.**'
L10 193    |^*'I haven't got time,**' he says. *'^The hole's got
L10 194 bigger. ^I have to get the ladder up.**'
L10 195    |^*'You must,**' she repeats impatiently, as if he is a
L10 196 child. *'^Did you not hear what I said? ^You don't have to worry
L10 197 any more. ^He's coming tonight.**'
L10 198    |*'^Tonight? ^Our friend \0Mr Fleming will fix the hole in
L10 199 the church roof tonight?**'
L10 200    |*'^Well not exactly. ^But it's the beginning.**'
L10 201    |*'^If we get a real storm and it gets under the tiles...
L10 202 there won't be any church left to save. ^I have to do
L10 203 something.**'
L10 204    |^He runs up and down, distractedly plucking a raincoat from
L10 205 its peg on the hall door and banging in the kitchen cupboard
L10 206 where he keeps a hammer and some nails.
L10 207    |*'^You can't go up there now.**'
L10 208    |*'^I need some pieces of wood to block up the holes.**'
L10 209    |^*'I'll go to the shops,**' says Eunice.
L10 210    |^*'But I need a whole ham,**' says Sophie. *'^Now that
L10 211 things are underway. ^Who knows, I may need to cut sandwiches.
L10 212 ^Well, you can't carry a ham in your bike basket.**'
L10 213    |^*'I'll get some slices, and the rest can be delivered
L10 214 tomorrow,**' says Eunice.
L10 215 *|^The rain has still not come; the cicadas still sing; the air
L10 216 presses close upon them. ^The feverish sound of wood being sawn
L10 217 assails the air, a harsh scratch and rasp, and something else,
L10 218 what might be taken as an oath if one did not know that this was
L10 219 the house belonging to a man of the cloth.
L10 220 *#
L11 001 **[484 TEXT L11**]
L11 002 *<*1To the Taj Mahal*>
L11 003 |^*2THE HEAT *0of the Indian plains had, from the first, seemed
L11 004 an imposition. ^Waves of stultifying warmth turned all sights to
L11 005 dim and feverish dreams. ^Later, they were never sure of where
L11 006 they had been or what they saw there.
L11 007    |^Even the tour-bus driver, imprecise and vacillating, added
L11 008 to the impression of heat-induced vagueness.
L11 009    |^*'I say, what's that building over there, on that hill?**'
L11 010 someone might ask in the enthusiasm of a cool early morning.
L11 011    |*'^Yes? ^Please?**' ^The driver hung his washing round his
L11 012 seat and his voice came from within damp draperies.
L11 013    |*'^That building over there, what is it? ^Is it another
L11 014 temple?**'
L11 015    |*'^Please?**'
L11 016    |*'^It's a fort. ^Cyril says it's definitely a fort.**'
L11 017    |*'^Yes? ^Please?**'
L11 018    |^It was better, Anne thought, to make them small mysteries.
L11 019 ^What they actually were was of little significance, for everyone
L11 020 filled in the gaps with what was dearest to their own hearts.
L11 021    |^She thought the buildings were palaces or castles,
L11 022 pleasure domes.
L11 023    |^Edwin said some of them might be the boardrooms of grand
L11 024 but defunct Indian companies.
L11 025    |^Others claimed they were infirmaries laid waste by flood
L11 026 and pestilence. ^They saw the whole country as a breeding ground
L11 027 for vicious infections that would lay them low with fierce,
L11 028 lingering ailments. ^They had worked out their own grim
L11 029 expectations and were pale, clutching handbags or valises filled
L11 030 with antibiotics from kind country doctors back home. ^When the
L11 031 bus stopped they would buy more sealed bottles of mineral water,
L11 032 without effervescence, to wash down another dose.
L11 033    |^Avice Simmonds filled the landscape with public
L11 034 lavatories. ^Her bladder was weak. ^She now leaned over the back
L11 035 of Edwin and Anne's seat in the bus, nodded towards the current
L11 036 tumble of ruined turrets and crenellated walls.
L11 037    |^*'I wonder if that's one,**' she said. *'^Oh dear, no it's
L11 038 not.**' ^She leaned a little closer. *'^I've had it on very good
L11 039 authority that they're all held together with... they'll never
L11 040 guess, will they, Archie?**'
L11 041    |*'^No, dear.**'
L11 042    |*'^I wouldn't even begin to try.**' ^Edwin's voice held an
L11 043 unusual coldness.
L11 044    |*'^It's quite disgusting. ^They're all held together with
L11 045 elephant you-know-what.**'
L11 046    |*'^I don't quite follow you.**' ^Edwin had returned to his
L11 047 reading, a trade brochure.
L11 048    |*'^You know.**' ^Avice spoke with eager and breathless
L11 049 emphasis. *'^What they do, what elephants do. ^Archie says it's
L11 050 disgusting, don't you, Archie?**'
L11 051    |*'^Yes, dear.**'
L11 052    |*'^Is your little wife quite well today, \0Mr... um...
L11 053 Edwin?**'
L11 054    |*'^You're perfectly well aren't you, Anne?**'
L11 055    |*'Perfectly, thank you.**'
L11 056    |*'^I just wondered *- her little head hung like that and
L11 057 not joining in my singing. ^Just like them,**' and she nodded
L11 058 towards the sick ones at the back of the bus, *'before they got
L11 059 that bug. ^If you ask me it was the ice cream.**'
L11 060    |^The bus swerved wildly to avoid a cow and two hens but
L11 061 Avice was not to be easily dislodged.
L11 062    |*'^How were your baths this morning? ^Mine was cold and a
L11 063 spider came out of the tap.**'
L11 064    |*'^Was it poisonous?**' ^Edwin had placed one hand against
L11 065 his left temple.
L11 066    |*'^Naughty boy.**' ^Avice flitted away along the aisle of
L11 067 the bus with the bulbous grace of the very large who possess
L11 068 small feet and learn early the art of pirouetting on plump toes.
L11 069 ^From behind Anne's seat came faint sounds of crumpling
L11 070 cellophane and a small satisfied sigh.
L11 071    |^*'Don't look now,**' she whispered in Edwin's ear, *'but
L11 072 poor little Archie Simmonds is eating her biscuits.**'
L11 073    |*'^My bathwater was cold again this morning and it had a
L11 074 spider in it.**' ^Avice's voice came from the front of the bus.
L11 075 *'^And yesterday it had a nasty grey look. ^If we hadn't been
L11 076 leaving I'd have made Archie complain, wouldn't I, Archie?**'
L11 077    |*'^Yes, dear.**'
L11 078    |^Edwin sighed.
L11 079    |^*'Poor Edwin,**' said Anne. *'^Do you want to swap?**' ^He
L11 080 had given her the window seat again. ^He shook his head.
L11 081    |^*'If this is India I've seen it,**' he said. *'Been there,
L11 082 done that.**'
L11 083    |^They were passing through another little village. ^The
L11 084 women were making dung cakes while the men quarrelled over
L11 085 something that had fallen in the dust, exactly what they had seen
L11 086 in all the previous villages. ^Even the stories of the ruins and
L11 087 monuments were strangely similar. ^The tales were always about a
L11 088 handsome prince who married a simple girl of great beauty and
L11 089 distinction. ^They lived in splendour and ecstasy for a year and
L11 090 a day till she died. ^The prince spent his remaining years
L11 091 building a monument to honour her memory.
L11 092    |^The guides might alter certain parts of the accounts.
L11 093 ^Sometimes the prince's lovely wife died from a sting and
L11 094 sometimes she drowned in a pool of rosewater, but the facts, like
L11 095 the sights, remained wonderfully alike.
L11 096    |^Anne wondered if the sameness of the worn tales mirrored
L11 097 the vast, battered but glorious landscape that spread about them.
L11 098 ^They had lived for so long in that brilliant world that they
L11 099 knew little changed.
L11 100    |^*'If this is India I've seen it,**' said Edwin again.
L11 101 ^They were approaching another village, slightly different from
L11 102 the last because it had more hens.
L11 103    |^Edwin had said the same thing a dozen times the previous
L11 104 week in Delhi, leaning out over the hotel balcony. ^There,
L11 105 stretching away in all directions, were streets filled with
L11 106 stucco houses and apartments, the peeling paints of their
L11 107 shutters like small cruel lips grinning up at that merciless sky.
L11 108    |^*'I enjoyed Delhi more,**' said Edwin now. *'^At least I
L11 109 had work to do there.**' ^He laid his hand fondly on his
L11 110 briefcase. *'^I was busy in Delhi. ^I had my contacts in
L11 111 Delhi.**' ^Edwin dealt in hand**[ARB**]-woven rugs.
L11 112    |*'^You're busy now, darling. ^You're busy relaxing,
L11 113 studying Mughal architecture, Edwin. ^You're supposed to be busy
L11 114 having a good time winding down.**' ^Too sarcastic, she thought.
L11 115 *'^Thank you for bringing me, Edwin.**' ^That would make up for
L11 116 it.
L11 117    |^Edwin delved into the briefcase.
L11 118    |^*'I daresay I should keep you amused,**' he said.
L11 119    |^They were on a bus tour of the ancient Mughal empire, each
L11 120 day bringing broken monuments to lost love, noble cities built of
L11 121 rosy stone and sacked by invaders, vast and ancient water
L11 122 cisterns involving remarkable engineering principles now
L11 123 forgotten.
L11 124    |^Amongst this decaying grandeur marched groups of
L11 125 determined hens, stalwart camels pulled loads of hay on 
L11 126 three-wheeled carts, elephants partially painted puce or magenta
L11 127 dragged bundles of sticks. ^They were all disturbingly insolent,
L11 128 but naive. ^The hens hopped on to the lower steps of the bus when
L11 129 it stopped and cackled through the gratings. ^Animals with longer
L11 130 necks stared through the windows and showed their teeth.
L11 131    |*'^Look, Edwin. ^There's a camel looking at you through the
L11 132 window. ^It's staring in your case.**'
L11 133    |*'^What? ^What?**' ^Edwin slammed the lid down. ^The heat
L11 134 was beginning to strip from him the small politenesses of a
L11 135 lifetime, stripped from them all years of tiny pretensions.
L11 136    |*'^My clothes are getting browner and browner.**' ^There
L11 137 was somebody who said that every day.
L11 138    |*'^Your clothes aren't as brown as mine.**'
L11 139    |*'^Mine are so brown I could scream.**'
L11 140    |*'^At least all your buttons haven't been squashed flat in
L11 141 the laundry.**' ^Was that Cyril or one of the sick ones at the
L11 142 back of the bus? *'^I keep putting notes on things saying,
L11 143 *"^Please do not squash buttons flat,**" but they keep on doing
L11 144 it.**'
L11 145    |*'^I still haven't got Archie's peejays back from the
L11 146 laundry at that last place, have I, Archie?**'
L11 147    |*'^No, dear.**'
L11 148    |^Avice dug her toes into the stonework of the day's ruin as
L11 149 Edwin's head, leonine and savage, turned towards her.
L11 150    |*'^And what exactly, my dear woman, are peejays?**'
L11 151    |*'^Pyjamas, silly.**' ^She fluttered away through an arched
L11 152 door. *'^The bathwater was cold again today. ^They never get it
L11 153 right. ^And I've just seen the most disgusting thing. ^It was
L11 154 disgusting, wasn't it, Archie?**'
L11 155    |*'^Yes, dear.**'
L11 156    |*'^I saw at least a dozen people urinating in public and
L11 157 half of them were grown men, weren't they, Archie?**'
L11 158    |*'^Yes, dear.**'
L11 159    |*'^I'm really looking forward to getting home. ^I'm really
L11 160 looking forward to having a nice roast dinner, but I'll be
L11 161 terribly busy when I get there of course, won't I, Archie?**'
L11 162    |*'^Yes, dear.**'
L11 163    |*'^I'll be booked up for months addressing groups. ^They'll
L11 164 all want to know what I think of India.**'
L11 165    |^Edwin sighed and fanned himself with his hat.
L11 166    |^*'Poor Edwin,**' said Anne.
L11 167    |^*'Poor India,**' said Edwin.
L11 168    |^Yet as the days passed the heat became more of a friend,
L11 169 giving tantalising glimpses of lush pink flowers in shades too
L11 170 chokingly violent for ordinary temperate life. ^There were few of
L11 171 them, for the withering hot season had come down upon the plains
L11 172 but those that remained sprang joyfully from barren branches like
L11 173 hope where none was expected.
L11 174    |^The penance of the heat became almost a blessing, like the
L11 175 warmth of a compost heap that steamed away the flesh of all
L11 176 rubbish and left only the bones of the matter.
L11 177    |^*'Only four more days,**' they began to chant in the
L11 178 evenings, 'till we get to the Taj Mahal.**' ^They attached
L11 179 themselves to the idea of that building like ribs to a backbone,
L11 180 speaking only of getting there as though they regarded the
L11 181 journey the greater part of the sight. ^After that they could all
L11 182 go home. ^It was to be the architectural climax, and the end.
L11 183 ^*'Only three more days,**' they said. *'^Only two.**'
L11 184    |^*'I imagine there might be a breeze there,**' said Edwin.
L11 185 ^They were all sitting in the marble foyer of the day's hotel,
L11 186 carved pillars separating them from the bleached garden.
L11 187    |^Little \0Mrs Blenkarne, Cyril's wife, nodded and clutched
L11 188 her best evening bag with its trim of old uncut turquoises.
L11 189    |*'^And water.**' ^She licked her lips. *'^Father says
L11 190 there'll be water.**' ^A waiter appeared but \0Mrs Blenkarne
L11 191 waved him away and he glided into the scented shadows like
L11 192 another prince, red-turbanned among mealy-faced intruders.
L11 193    |^It was not that sort of thirst, \0Mrs Blenkarne explained.
L11 194 ^It was more a parching of the actual skin, she said, and rubbed
L11 195 her thin old arms and legs as if they were the small scaly
L11 196 extremities of an exhausted reptile.
L11 197    |^*'The air might be softer at the Taj Mahal,**' said Edwin,
L11 198 slumped in his chair, *'less oppressive perhaps.**' ^Anne saw
L11 199 that he had been ground down by the heat, pressed into that dusty
L11 200 hard-packed earth with its blanched sky and eerily undefined
L11 201 horizons till he imagined himself crawling.
L11 202    |^*'We'll all feel better when we get there,**' said Cyril
L11 203 Blenkarne, *'and now if you'll all excuse us, I'll just take
L11 204 Mother upstairs. ^Time for your rest, my dear.**'
L11 205    |^*'Don't you think the Blenkarnes are sweet,**' Anne said
L11 206 to Edwin when they were back in their room. ^They were having
L11 207 turns under the feeble shower, closeted in that bathroom like two
L11 208 sardines pressed together in a tin and each one anxious for a
L11 209 share of saving oil.
L11 210    |^*'That way he has of calling her Mother, and she calls him
L11 211 Father or \0Mr Blenkarne *- I think it's a good idea, really. ^It
L11 212 gives an air of formality to things, so people can advance,**'
L11 213 she said, *'or retreat as they please.**'
L11 214    |^Edwin turned the water off and stepped out into the
L11 215 cavernous marble bathroom, relic of a maharaja's lost
L11 216 magnificence and now available to any traveller with a credit
L11 217 card.
L11 218    |^*'It's no use talking to me,**' he said. *'^I can't hear a
L11 219 thing you're saying over the water.**' ^He sighed loudly and the
L11 220 sound seemed to echo across the bedroom, swirled round the marble
L11 221 columns that flanked the wardrobe thirty feet away. *'^Is my
L11 222 dinner jacket back yet? ^Don't say it isn't back from the
L11 223 cleaners.**' ^A bloom of dust and curried cauliflower had ruined
L11 224 his silk lapels.
L11 225    |^*'I'll look in a minute, when I can face the walk,**' she
L11 226 said and watched him stretch out on his bed. ^It shrank to
L11 227 cot-size within the dimensions of that enormous room and Edwin
L11 228 looked like a small old child.
L11 229    |^She watched him covertly and wondered again if he had
L11 230 trapped her with cunning or kindness before they left home. ^He
L11 231 stirred, opened his eyes, those twin crescents that saw
L11 232 everything.
L11 233 *#
L12 001 **[485 TEXT L12**]
L12 002 ^*0Smoking her heart out, hoping the unseeing face would fade.
L12 003    *|^She had been afraid that in the first days there would be
L12 004 regrets, that she would begin to cry for the normal cycles of
L12 005 everyday life. ^How could you be expected to manage alone, she
L12 006 thought, if you had never known anything but humdrum domesticity;
L12 007 if you were never expected to produce an original thought or make
L12 008 any decisions beyond the garden gate? ^Now that she had taken the
L12 009 step and detached herself, it was amazing how simple it had been.
L12 010 ^The plan, she realised, had lodged itself so long ago in that
L12 011 secret part of her brain. ^All it had ever needed was a signal to
L12 012 act. ^It had been with her as she lay beside Arthur in the double
L12 013 bed, a subsound in the crying of her children, a whisper in the
L12 014 silence of the garden. ^She cherished it, it nurtured her.
L12 015    |^Strange, she thought, for the decision she had made she
L12 016 would be considered insane and worse. ^Yet the insane part was
L12 017 that having made the choice there was no way on earth she could
L12 018 impart its simplicity, its beauty even, to those who would
L12 019 condemn her. ^Nor would she ever have been given the opportunity.
L12 020    |^The days began to settle, to regulate. ^On the occasions
L12 021 she went upstairs to the bathroom and toilet, she sometimes found
L12 022 offerings beside her door *- odd magazines, once some homemade
L12 023 peanut brownies in a sealed plastic container; another time, a
L12 024 neatly arranged posy of flowers. ^After a while, as though the
L12 025 hand of the giver had ceased to exist, the gifts stopped coming.
L12 026    |^On her way up and down the stairs, though she sometimes
L12 027 heard voices in the kitchen, she met no-one. ^There would be no
L12 028 more knocks on the door, no telephone calls, no letters in the
L12 029 box for her. ^The drapes were drawn, the room was calm and
L12 030 secure. ^There was nothing now to divert her from the path she
L12 031 had taken.
L12 032    |^Standing at the sink she washed her body with meticulous
L12 033 care. ^She spent much time brushing her hair and cleaned her
L12 034 teeth several times a day. ^She hung her laundered underwear and
L12 035 hand towel on a cord above the casement window where it quickly
L12 036 dried in the humid air.
L12 037    |^It took only a minimal effort each day to keep the room
L12 038 clean and tidy. ^It was not a duty to take good care of the space
L12 039 she occupied, not a chore, just a relevant factor in the day's
L12 040 energy flow. ^The realisation grew in her with mounting
L12 041 astonishment and wonder that this was the first time in forty
L12 042 years that she had lived entirely alone. ^Forty years... it
L12 043 ticked off on the tips of her fingers... one, two, three, four,
L12 044 five, six... like the mindless ticking of the old clock in
L12 045 Molly's kitchen. ^All gone...
L12 046    |^In order to conserve the sheets, she rested mostly in her
L12 047 wrap on top of the bed. ^As she lay, her hands loosely clasped
L12 048 beneath her breasts, she began haltingly at first to let
L12 049 recollection weave its narrative in her mind. ^There was no
L12 050 starting point, no climax, no end. ^Images sharpened, incidents
L12 051 expanded. ^She watched them come to life with rising fascination.
L12 052    |^The word, love, it exploded in a shower of gold stars in a
L12 053 filmy heaven of pinks and blues. ^Its sound first entered her as
L12 054 she sat on a cushion on the Sunday School floor. ^It came out of
L12 055 a halo of golden light. ^In an angel voice, sweet and pure, Jesus
L12 056 loves you, Jesus loves you one and all...
L12 057    |^Love. ^She let it sound on her tongue. ^Love, love, love.
L12 058 ^It spun round and round inside her head. ^Love makes the world
L12 059 go round. ^It sang and shimmered in the air. ^It linked the heart
L12 060 with the rays of the sun. ^It drew the eyes to the moon.
L12 061    |^How could a word, a mere symbol on a page, a clipped
L12 062 message to the brain, order the complete plan of your life? ^She
L12 063 looked up at the cracked grey ceiling. ^Love had no face, no
L12 064 physical form, no compulsive dogma, yet it had taken her step by
L12 065 step all the way to this house, to this decaying room, to this
L12 066 bed from which she would never see the sun and moon again.
L12 067    |^Daddy loves you, Mummy loves you, Grandpa loves you,
L12 068 Grandma loves you. ^Arthur's voice choked with passion, *'^I love
L12 069 you, Jenny, I love you so much it hurts. ^Let's...**' ^The songs,
L12 070 endless: ^Love is in the air, love is everywhere...
L12 071    |^Love packed the Masonic dancehall that night, it moaned in
L12 072 the saxophone and thumped in the double bass. ^She sat on a long
L12 073 wooden bench in a row of other women, waiting for the next dance,
L12 074 the Monte Carlo, with a kind of sick dread. ^She had not been
L12 075 asked for the last two dances and felt the shame creeping into
L12 076 her cheeks. ^The women nearby were already getting up, smiling
L12 077 into the faces of their selectors. ^Another ten seconds or so,
L12 078 that was all, then she would get out quick, hide her shame in the
L12 079 night and not come back, ever.
L12 080    |^She wore a rustling rose pink taffeta dress which
L12 081 flattered her small bust and accentuated her slim waist. ^The
L12 082 lavender perfume she had put on was just right. ^Without touching
L12 083 her hair she knew every wave and wisp was in place. ^She had
L12 084 looked with satisfaction in the beauty parlour mirror when the
L12 085 perm was completed and that was after all only four hours ago.
L12 086 ^What's wrong with me, she thought, almost in panic. ^If it's in
L12 087 the air, everywhere, why does it avoid me like the plague?
L12 088    |^She was about to rise when he came toward her on quick
L12 089 nervous steps. ^He wore a three piece blue serge suit, a smile
L12 090 was twisting about his mouth. ^He said in a faltering voice,
L12 091 *'^Ah... excuse me... may I have this dance...**'
L12 092    |^She got up, not caring that her smile would seem a little
L12 093 foolish. ^They manoeuvred into position. ^His hands were
L12 094 sweating. ^She was so grateful, he could have been a gorilla for
L12 095 all she cared. ^He was only barely above her height and was
L12 096 slightly built, almost thin, but holding him as they lurched and
L12 097 spun, felt good in a safe, sort of unchallenging way. ^She had
L12 098 seen the {0R.S.A.} badge in his lapel. ^*'When did you get
L12 099 back,**' she murmured, *'I couldn't help noticing the badge.**'
L12 100 ^It was always a good opening.
L12 101    |*'^A couple of years ago. ^I was with the Pacific lot, up
L12 102 in Santos mainly. ^It's great being able to have a bit of fun
L12 103 again, like being here tonight in this place. ^It's so good I can
L12 104 hardly believe it.**'
L12 105    |^He had a soft, shy voice. ^It suited his small,
L12 106 unpretentious features. ^The modest head of fine brown hair, his
L12 107 eyes were also hazel; they were beginning to meet hers, stay a
L12 108 few moments longer as the shyness faded.
L12 109    |^The music stopped. ^They stood expectantly, hands still
L12 110 engaged, while a card was plucked from the pack in the {0M.C.}'s
L12 111 hand. *'^Clubs**'. ^Disappointedly, the nearest section of
L12 112 dancers shuffled from the floor.
L12 113    |^They set off again, smiling at each other. ^He said,
L12 114 *'^What's your name?**' ^His voice and hands had more confidence
L12 115 now.
L12 116    |*'^Jennifer, but my friends and family call me Jenny**'.
L12 117 ^She was beginning to like him, his smile, his gentle manner.
L12 118 ^She was afraid of the big heavy-faced men who breathed beer on
L12 119 her and trod on her toes, and clutched her like a football they'd
L12 120 just snatched from the air. ^The music was stopped and the cards
L12 121 drawn twice more. ^Each time they stood looking at each other,
L12 122 holding their breath, but their luck held and in the end there
L12 123 was only only one other couple left on the floor; the woman, a
L12 124 willowy blonde in a bright blue organdy dress, the man tall and
L12 125 handsome in a smart gabardine suit.
L12 126    |^They glided around the cleared dance floor, zigzagging,
L12 127 spinning, whirling. ^She felt the tension through his
L12 128 sweat-drenched hands, the sometimes erratic progress on his feet.
L12 129 ^She was acutely aware of the onlookers, of the voices calling,
L12 130 *'^Come on Rose, come on Jack, show them how it's done.**'
L12 131    |^Then the last card was being drawn and the {0M.C.}'s voice
L12 132 was crying *'^Hearts**'. ^As the other couple left the dance
L12 133 floor, the blonde woman pursed her lips in their direction and
L12 134 murmured, *'^Congratulations**' in a patronising tone. ^There was
L12 135 a muted patter of hand clapping.
L12 136    |^They stood in the spotlight, holding hands. ^Her heart was
L12 137 racing. ^She felt the blood flushing scarlet in her face. ^The
L12 138 {0M.C.} handed them a large box of Queen Anne chocolates. ^There
L12 139 was another reluctant ripple of applause. ^It was the first time
L12 140 in her life she had ever won or shared a prize in anything. ^She
L12 141 felt deeply grateful to Arthur for having brought her luck at
L12 142 last. ^They were still holding hands as they left the floor.
L12 143    |^After that, it was natural that they should go to supper
L12 144 together and keep the remaining dances for themselves. ^Before
L12 145 the last dance he asked her if he could take her home. *'^The
L12 146 car's just down the road,**' he said and he added with his shy
L12 147 smile, *'^You're certainly going to need a hand with that great
L12 148 big box of chocolates.**'
L12 149    |^They sat at the table in the Herne Bay bedsitting room.
L12 150 ^She had put on the electric jug and served tea. ^The place was
L12 151 as clean and tidy as if she had especially prepared it for his
L12 152 coming. ^He was the first man she had ever entertained alone.
L12 153    |^The chocolate box lay open on the table. ^The taste of
L12 154 caramel cream was sweet in her mouth. ^Arthur was smoking a
L12 155 cigarette, telling her about his work as an electrician for the
L12 156 Harbour Board. ^While she listened, taking it all in, 
L12 157 unco-ordinated thoughts kept springing into her mind. ^Just when you
L12 158 thought nothing was ever going to happen in your life, when hope
L12 159 was almost gone, everything changed so suddenly. ^Had he been
L12 160 watching her from the knot of men in the doorway? ^She had
L12 161 certainly not noticed him before he walked across the dance floor
L12 162 to her.
L12 163    |^He went on to tell her that he lived with his parents in
L12 164 Avondale and that he wanted to get away to establish his own
L12 165 independence. ^It was boring at home, he said, he was getting
L12 166 more and more restless. ^He looked around admiringly at the
L12 167 bedsitting room. ^*'I've got to hand it to you, Jenny,**' he said
L12 168 at last, *'you did it. ^Found a place like this all by yourself,
L12 169 and you're a woman. ^Yeah, I've got to hand it to you all
L12 170 right.**'
L12 171    |^It was the first time he had used her name. ^Such a little
L12 172 thing but it warmed her. *'^I don't know,**' she said. *'^It was
L12 173 as much Mum's and Dad's idea as my own. ^They said, now that the
L12 174 war was over I needed to get out and see the world, get some
L12 175 experience of life while I could.**'
L12 176    |^She told him how exciting it had been when she first moved
L12 177 into the bedsitting room. ^Just like starting the job at the
L12 178 department store when everything was so new and stimulating you
L12 179 scarcely knew what was coming up next. ^*'It's funny,**' she
L12 180 said, *'I would never have believed it in the beginning but in
L12 181 only a few days I began to see everything in such a different
L12 182 light, sort of grey and humdrum. ^Nobody was interested in what
L12 183 you were, they just pretended to be.**'
L12 184    |^*'But what about while the war was still on,**' he said,
L12 185 putting out his cigarette. *'^It must have been exciting then,
L12 186 surely?**'
L12 187    |*'^With all those Yanks chock-a-block in the streets from
L12 188 Karangahape Road to the Ferry Building.**' ^He smiled in a half
L12 189 teasing way.
L12 190 *#
L13 001 **[486 TEXT L13**]
L13 002 ^*0I wouldn't wish to offend Deptford residents, but its history
L13 003 is certainly more scandalous than Wapping's and it is no place of
L13 004 beauty today. ^When I mentioned to Nola the murder of Christopher
L13 005 Marlowe in a Deptford pub and the notorious roving press gangs,
L13 006 she was rightfully indignant. ^What happened a few centuries back
L13 007 was no slight on today's residents, she responded. ^Exactly. ^So
L13 008 why should Wapping be similarly defamed?
L13 009    |^With her stylish clothes and cool manner, Nola was an
L13 010 unexpected defender of the mean streets over the river; lucid,
L13 011 too.
L13 012    |^*"The Navy had to have crews,**" she said, *"and not much
L13 013 volunteering came from Wapping layabouts. ^They got a better
L13 014 bunch of well-fed lads in Deptford.**" ^And Christopher Marlowe?
L13 015    |*"^Bit of a poncy scribbler, wasn't he... thought he was
L13 016 Shakespeare. ^Well...!**"
L13 017    |^Jack *1almost *0offended Nola when he discovered that
L13 018 Sweet Fanny Adams, of the derogatory term, meaning *"no bargain
L13 019 at all**", was a Deptford identity. ^That infamous woman did a
L13 020 roaring trade in dubious meat deals at the Royal Navy's
L13 021 victualling yards, in much the same way as Sweeney Todd's victims
L13 022 ended up in meat pies.
L13 023    |^Jack's informant on riverside matters of historical
L13 024 scandal was usually Maggie. ^They would have street corner chats
L13 025 when she was too busy to come indoors for a cup of tea. ^My
L13 026 mother and mother-in-law loved listening to Maggie and they
L13 027 always felt cheated when Jack arrived home with her snippets of
L13 028 news, usually inaccurately relayed.
L13 029    |^Maggie was a vigorous, even formidable, Wapping identity.
L13 030 ^She was a member of a large Irish family, all with (shall we
L13 031 say) pugilistic pedigrees. ^During the war, when the docks at
L13 032 Wapping were being bombed so ferociously, Maggie's family became
L13 033 famous in the United States as typifying the Cockney spirit under
L13 034 siege. ^The writer, Sylvia Townsend Warner was London
L13 035 correspondent of the New Yorker magazine. ^She wrote a vivid
L13 036 monograph on the Duggan family of Wapping, describing their
L13 037 trials through the Blitz and their staunch courage. ^It was to
L13 038 bring temporary fame to them all, said Maggie, even the 
L13 039 less-praiseworthy of the clan basking in the glory for years after.
L13 040    |^That phase of newsworthiness is long past but every
L13 041 contemporary issue involving a fight still sees Maggie to the
L13 042 fore. ^She worked as a housemaid in an hotel near Tower Bridge,
L13 043 and had to walk to and fro four times a day on shifts. ^It
L13 044 wouldn't normally be any hardship (the distance is only about a
L13 045 quarter of a mile each way), but for Maggie's shoulder bag. ^It
L13 046 held her grandmother's flat iron and accompanied her everywhere.
L13 047 ^She confessed to Dad that she was a little bit afraid of being
L13 048 mugged.
L13 049    |*"^But no-one in *1our *0family could be *1seen *0to walk
L13 050 in fear!**"
L13 051    |^The un-seen object of protection may have given her
L13 052 confidence, but it also gave her sturdy, short body a decided
L13 053 list to starboard. ^Jack suggested she get another bag for the
L13 054 left side, to balance the weight, and he would donate a second
L13 055 flat-iron.
L13 056    |^*"I may be built like a pit pony,**" she said, *"but I'll
L13 057 do without the panniers, thank you!**"
L13 058    |^Mabs was another of Jack's good friends. ^She worked in
L13 059 what is possibly the Wapping waterfront's oldest building and she
L13 060 was, as she declared, Wapping's oldest office girl. ^The building
L13 061 used often to be photographed from the river because of its
L13 062 canopied verandah and decaying picturesqueness, and Mabs did her
L13 063 bit for the tourists whenever the pleasure boats went by. ^She
L13 064 kept a lace mob cap and a Paisley shawl to put on whenever she
L13 065 went out to water her tub of geraniums on the verandah. ^As her
L13 066 taste in clothes was for cut-price leather skirts from Petticoat
L13 067 Lane, and stiletto heels, the picture of a quaint old lady from
L13 068 the past was short on authenticity. ^The stilettos eventually had
L13 069 to go.
L13 070    |^*"Not because I've had \2me seventieth birthday,**" she
L13 071 told Jack. *"^Harry's getting nervous about the floors**". ^The
L13 072 boss was not bothered for the usual reasons of stiletto heels
L13 073 making dents in expensive floors; he feared that two and a half
L13 074 centuries of woodworm damage was being accelerated daily by Mabs'
L13 075 tapping heels. ^She and her desk *1did *0have to be moved one day
L13 076 after a piece of old planking gave way.
L13 077    |^*"I thought they was going to find me and my telephone
L13 078 down there with the mudlarks,**" she commented. ^I hasten to
L13 079 explain that no such poverty-stricken urchins, known in Victorian
L13 080 times as *"mudlarks**", are ever seen scavenging under wharf
L13 081 piles at low tide these days; it's more likely to be some of our
L13 082 neighbours in the so-called *"posh**" area of The Pierhead
L13 083 searching for local artifacts to display in their fireplaces.
L13 084    |^Mabs' mishap was not serious, but a survey made of the
L13 085 building a few weeks later recommended that it was time for
L13 086 demolition because of very unsafe timbers. ^We were told that the
L13 087 place had once been a wharf-side rum shop, the annexe to a
L13 088 prosperous whaling merchants' premises. ^The owner had seen some
L13 089 ledgers dated in the 1790s which located the business as standing
L13 090 on that spot... a fact disputed by historians. ^They said that
L13 091 whole stretch of the riverside was destroyed by fire in 1800.
L13 092 ^All the way from Wapping Wall as far as Phoenix Wharf near to
L13 093 the Tower of London, the most serious fire since the Great Fire
L13 094 of 1666 burnt out every building. ^Except this one? ^Possibly.
L13 095    |^Jack enjoyed the feeling of history in that crumbling old
L13 096 building, always remembering to tread carefully on the trembling
L13 097 staircase. ^He often joined Mabs and the other three on the staff
L13 098 for an informal lunch. ^If they were lucky, it would be fish and
L13 099 chips... only if the *"chippy**" owner was in a good mood. ^*1On
L13 100 *0the door of the chip shop, there hung a card, supposedly
L13 101 detailing opening and frying times, but *1behind *0the door
L13 102 lurked a taciturn Wappineer who wasn't telling anybody. ^It was a
L13 103 matter of guesswork, but you could be fairly certain of some
L13 104 service for perhaps half an hour well outside the usual eating
L13 105 hours. ^Say 10 {0a.m.} or 3.30 {0p.m.}
L13 106    |^Jack liked fish and chips and was willing to hang about
L13 107 watching for the shutters to go up. ^He was tempted to shout a
L13 108 triumphant *"\2gotcha**" one midday when *"Cheery Chas**" (that
L13 109 was the sardonic nickname given to the shop's owner) propped his
L13 110 door open for the cleaner. ^Jack stepped over the mop handle and
L13 111 presented himself at the counter. ^No luck, though.
L13 112    |^*"{2'aven't h'ignited me tank,}**" said Cheery Chas, *"and
L13 113 \2me batter's curdled.**"
L13 114    |^Cheery Chas was related *- by marriage, she hastened to
L13 115 say *- to Bessie, the fourth of Jack's female chums in the
L13 116 village. ^Bessie was a comparatively rare being in the Lane. ^She
L13 117 had been across the English Channel a few times and had even
L13 118 *1liked *0some foreign places. ^That was not common among the
L13 119 locals.
L13 120    |^*"Out there,**" Blanche (*"Plonch**" at the baker's) said
L13 121 of the world beyond Britain's shores, *"turns you funny. ^My
L13 122 sister's never been the same since they \2give 'er that bundle
L13 123 break.**" ^She meant the package holiday won in a raffle at the
L13 124 Bingo Palace. ^It had taken her for two weeks to the Spanish
L13 125 island of Ibiza.
L13 126    |*"^Can't even say a proper *'ta-ta**' any more... it's all
L13 127 *'asta la vista**'!**" ^Well, Bessie was also influenced a little
L13 128 by her trips abroad. ^She managed the laundrette and had once
L13 129 persuaded the owner to re-name it a *"Wash-et-a-*1ri-*0a.**"
L13 130 ^Back from a holiday in Lanzarote, she was, like Plonch's sister,
L13 131 fancying the Latin languages of romance *- even for a washing
L13 132 machine establishment. ^No-one ever managed to give it quite the
L13 133 right emphasis, however, and *"\2darn at the Wash**" sounded
L13 134 rather common, said Bessie. ^So it was back to being the
L13 135 Laundrette.
L13 136    |^Bessie's great charm for Jack was her artistic ability of
L13 137 an unusual kind. ^She had taken a course in calligraphy at the
L13 138 Polytechnic and was able to letter modest little notices for the
L13 139 Laundrette and the neighbouring newsagent's shop. ^Unfortunately,
L13 140 her spelling was faulty *- as the patrons loved to point out.
L13 141 ^Having lettered an elegant notice, she resisted making
L13 142 corrections.
L13 143    |^*"Do you want it to be *1noticed, *0or not? ^This is an
L13 144 original,**" she liked to say with some belligerence.
L13 145    |^She had a point. ^The newsagents even had requests for the
L13 146 discards. ^The actual cards were those Bessie provided for the
L13 147 information grille on their entry door.
L13 148    |^Jack was too late to acquire the one that reported:
L13 149 ^Missing God, Answers To The Name Of Spott. ^But he treasured the
L13 150 card that advertised : Lousie Services *- Baby and Hose-Siting.
L13 151    |^The baby-sitter, Louise, was not amused. ^She called upon
L13 152 Bessie with her complaint.
L13 153    |*"^*2HOUSE, *0Bessie, I'm not a gardener. ^And I'll *1never
L13 154 *0live the *'lousie**' bit down. ^What are you, dyspeptic or
L13 155 something?**" ^Bessie found that comment hilarious.
L13 156    |^*"I can't possibly be dyslexic,**" she told Jack. *"^It's
L13 157 a new disease. ^Didn't have it when I was at school.**"
L13 158    |^Bessie did three cards bearing the same message *- one for
L13 159 the newsagent, one for the post office, and one for the pub. ^It
L13 160 read, in big letters: ^*2COMING! ^\0MR. PARRY AND HIS ELECTRONIC
L13 161 TUNA.
L13 162    |^*0Owners of pianos in need of tuning were interested
L13 163 undoubtedly, if they caught on, but Jack thought it a pity Bessie
L13 164 hadn't done a card each for the grocer and Cheery Chas.
L13 165 *<*1Chapter 18*>
L13 166 *<*2NOVELTY HUNTERS*>
L13 167 |^*6T*2HE WORD *"*0spree**" is not really appropriate to describe
L13 168 any shopping trips I made with my parents. ^Jack never went into
L13 169 a shop without being certain of precisely what he wanted; Elsie
L13 170 preferred spontaneous choice. ^She saved all the boring
L13 171 necessities of shopping for Jack's outings. ^For her own, she
L13 172 would sally forth with an open mind. ^That was the usual pattern,
L13 173 but it didn't apply when they decided to shop for their closest
L13 174 friends in New Zealand. ^They had been in Wapping for two years
L13 175 and wanted to make a trip back home while, as they said, they
L13 176 were both still mobile and had some friends left.
L13 177    |^It then became of especial importance to take with them an
L13 178 entire suitcase full of unlikely gifts. ^I've chosen to say
L13 179 *"unlikely**"... they didn't think it at all odd to dream up
L13 180 novel ideas which would be sure to surprise everybody. ^Not for
L13 181 them the things *1everyone *0thought of *- or would be certain of
L13 182 liking. ^Every day was a quiz day, with weird suggestions being
L13 183 put forth and then discarded.
L13 184    |^As they became more and more ambitious, I warned them
L13 185 about their baggage allowance. ^This was greeted with the disdain
L13 186 of seasoned travellers... as they were going through the States,
L13 187 they could each have two pieces of big luggage with no weight
L13 188 restriction. ^But *1managing, *0I protested. ^Trundlers, wheels
L13 189 on suitcases, porters, they said airily. ^Now, what about these
L13 190 gifts?
L13 191    |^Elsie was certain that duvets were practically unknown in
L13 192 New Zealand, believing that Continental quilts were not quite the
L13 193 same thing. ^She figured that English goose down would make a
L13 194 wonderful present.
L13 195    |^There *1were *0geese in New Zealand, we said..
L13 196    |^*"Yes**", said Elsie, *"but no-one in a city ever goes and
L13 197 buys down.**" ^I couldn't argue with that, not knowing any
L13 198 Londoners who bought down either. ^But she did. ^Someone had told
L13 199 her that near Hassell Street, in a dark little alley between
L13 200 Wapping and Whitechapel, an old lady ran a goose-down business.
L13 201    |^We found it quite easily, as it happened. ^Hassell Street
L13 202 was a riot of incredible smells, mostly from the Indian shops
L13 203 where one could have curry spices ground on the spot and, over
L13 204 all, was that un-mistakeable pungency of poultry.
L13 205    |^There was also, I'm sorry to report, the frenzied cackling
L13 206 of crated birds awaiting their end at the hands of a kosher
L13 207 butcher. ^No sign of actual geese, but from behind a screened
L13 208 entrance floated a fine haze of feathers. ^Elsie and I nosed our
L13 209 way around a tarpaulin curtain and there found two very elderly
L13 210 women bagging feathers.
L13 211 *#
L14 001 **[487 TEXT L14**]
L14 002 |^*0All the way home I tried to think of what I was going to say
L14 003 to Mum and tried not to think about what she would say back. ^The
L14 004 trouble was that I knew she just wouldn't see my problem. ^I was
L14 005 expected to do my best so there was no need to make a song and
L14 006 dance about it when it was recognised. ^That's what she'd say.
L14 007    |^But it wasn't that simple. ^I wanted the prizes, I liked
L14 008 being first, but as I got older I'd learned that coming first
L14 009 might make you popular with teachers but it didn't do the same
L14 010 with the other kids. ^Especially if you kept on doing it. ^I'd
L14 011 worked out that if I acted surprised when my name was called yet
L14 012 again and then smiled shyly as I accepted the award, I had a
L14 013 chance of pleasing both sides, but it was a worry.
L14 014    |^Mum didn't seem concerned about those sort of prizes. ^All
L14 015 she cared about was good behaviour. ^Manners.
L14 016    |^*'Mmmn,**' she'd said looking at my last school report,
L14 017 *'Two for obedience. ^Why don't you ever get One?**'
L14 018    |*'^Nobody ever gets One, Mum. ^Only three of us got Two.**'
L14 019    |*'^Mmmn.**' ^She sounded unconvinced as she settled down to
L14 020 her favourite activities, reading, drinking tea and smoking.
L14 021    |^I knew Mum must be right. ^If I wanted others to like me I
L14 022 had to behave in such a way as to make them think I was worth
L14 023 liking. ^But although good manners certainly appealed to adults I
L14 024 wasn't sure that kids felt the same. ^In any case, I might be
L14 025 able to win with both adults and kids, but with Mum I never
L14 026 seemed to quite manage it.
L14 027    *|^She didn't go anywhere really. ^She'd been like that ever
L14 028 since my father died. ^The only exception she made was her visit
L14 029 to the Post Office each month to collect her pension. ^Then she'd
L14 030 go to the butcher and the grocer, pay the bills, buy a packet of
L14 031 tailor-mades, her one luxury, and go home. ^While she was paying
L14 032 the bills she would ask about my behaviour while I did the
L14 033 shopping.
L14 034    |*'^\0Mr Trundle said you were the best-behaved child he
L14 035 served.**'
L14 036    |^I tried out my modest smile but she ignored it and said,
L14 037 *'^See that you keep it up.**'
L14 038    |^So she hadn't been at all pleased after her last visit to
L14 039 the grocer's.
L14 040    |*'^\0Mr Trundle said you refused to deliver old Miss
L14 041 Connor's groceries on your way home last week!**'
L14 042    |*'^I didn't refuse Mum. ^I told him you'd said to come
L14 043 straight home because you wanted the potatoes for tea!**'
L14 044    |*'^There's always time to do a message for \0Mr Trundle!
L14 045 ^Do you want people to think I've brought you up with no
L14 046 manners?**'
L14 047    |^If she felt so badly about me not doing a message what
L14 048 would she say about me today?
L14 049    *|^We'd marched into school to Colonel Bogey. ^The record
L14 050 was worn out but it wouldn't have mattered if it had been new
L14 051 because the boys were trying to trip each other up and laughing
L14 052 and nudging each other when they succeeded, and I was listening
L14 053 to Star whispering about the terrible row there'd been at their
L14 054 place the night before.
L14 055    |*'^Dad said it was all because Mum nagged him to let Sissie
L14 056 have that new dress, the red one. ^It went to her head, he said.
L14 057 ^And then he told Mum that the real trouble was she spoiled us
L14 058 and then Mum cried and Sissie was already crying and I started
L14 059 hiccupping and he sent me to bed.**' ^Star always hiccupped when
L14 060 there was trouble.
L14 061    |^*'But what has Sissie done?**' I asked, then stopped.
L14 062 ^\0Mr Helean the headmaster was wagging his finger at me. ^I
L14 063 quite liked \0Mr Helean, he was nowhere near as crabby as \0Mr
L14 064 Brownlee, the headmaster last year.
L14 065    |^*'Tell you later,**' hissed Star.
L14 066    |^*'Joan Twinkle!**' ^That was Star's real name. *'^Joan
L14 067 Twinkle, no talking please!**'
L14 068    *|^After the roll call we girls went off to sewing and it
L14 069 was there the trouble started, which was surprising because I
L14 070 like sewing, even the boring bits. ^I was going to be a
L14 071 dressmaker one day and have lots of clothes, all in the latest
L14 072 fashion, and not a second-hand dress amongst them. ^I liked Miss
L14 073 Sweet and thought her name suited her.
L14 074    |^We'd been set a French seam for homework and I'd really
L14 075 worked on mine. ^I looked forward to Miss Sweet's comments, sure
L14 076 that it would be one of the best. ^Miss Sweet had a system of
L14 077 stars, red for excellent, blue for very good, and green for good.
L14 078 ^I wanted red, but so did every other girl.
L14 079    |^Miss Sweet walked around the classroom looking carefully
L14 080 at each well-worked little square of material and eventually came
L14 081 to mine. ^She smiled.
L14 082    |*'^Excellent, Ruth, excellent!**'
L14 083    |^She held up my sewing.
L14 084    |*'^See girls? ^See how the seam has been sewn so there are
L14 085 no puckers and the folds are even? ^And such tiny neat
L14 086 stitches!**'
L14 087    |^I started to smile back and became aware that some of the
L14 088 girls were looking at each other meaningfully. ^Someone behind me
L14 089 hissed, *'^Teacher's pet!**' ^I looked at Star but she was
L14 090 looking at her sewing which Miss Sweet hadn't commented on
L14 091 because she was too taken up with mine.
L14 092    |^*'This is the first red star this term,**' said Miss Sweet
L14 093 delightedly, as she stuck a red star beside my name in her
L14 094 register. *'^Well done, Ruth!**'
L14 095    |^I'd always thought I'd be pleased with a red star but now
L14 096 the moment had come I wasn't. ^I felt uneasy, anxious. ^I didn't
L14 097 want a red star if it made the rest of class think I was a
L14 098 teacher's pet. ^Teacher's pets grovelled around teachers in the
L14 099 hope that they would give them high marks. ^I had never done this
L14 100 but I knew that once I got a name for it that wouldn't matter.
L14 101 ^The name would stick. ^It always did.
L14 102    |^I remembered Star's mother talking once about a man she'd
L14 103 been at school with. ^He'd run off and left his wife because he
L14 104 wanted to be a film star.
L14 105    |^*'She's so upset,**' \0Mrs Twinkle had said to her
L14 106 husband, *'but what can you expect? ^He was always a teacher's
L14 107 pet, got too used to it.**'
L14 108    |^I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with that
L14 109 label. ^I frowned at Miss Sweet but she didn't see.
L14 110    |*'^I wish you were all as conscientious.**' ^Miss Sweet
L14 111 looked around the class, shaking her head and sighing. ^She got
L14 112 to me and smiled approvingly and before I could stop myself I
L14 113 poked my tongue out at her.
L14 114    |^I heard a gasp from the girls around me. ^Star hiccupped
L14 115 and one of the others started wetting her pants and had to run
L14 116 out of the room. ^She was too late to get to the lavatory and we
L14 117 heard her crying in the corridor.
L14 118    |^With a trembling hand, Miss Sweet pointed to the door and
L14 119 I crept out. ^As I watched she directed Star to take the girl to
L14 120 sick bay to get some clean pants and a couple of others to get a
L14 121 mop and a bucket of water. ^There was a thick and heavy silence
L14 122 behind me. ^All I could think of was how am I going to explain my
L14 123 behaviour to Mum?
L14 124    |^*'Well, Ruth?**' ^Miss Sweet looked sterner than I'd ever
L14 125 seen her. *'^What have you got to say for yourself?**'
L14 126    |^There was nothing to say so that's what I said.
L14 127    |*'^Nothing, Miss Sweet.**'
L14 128    |^Miss Sweet's lips tightened.
L14 129    |^*'Come with me,**' she said.
L14 130    *|^In the headmaster's office, \0Mr Helean stared at me and
L14 131 I stared miserably back.
L14 132    |^*'Thank you Miss Sweet,**' he said, *'I'll deal with
L14 133 Ruth.**'
L14 134    |^He shook his head at me. ^He must have been reading my
L14 135 mind because his next words were,
L14 136    |*'^Goodness knows what your mother will say. ^What on earth
L14 137 got into you?**'
L14 138    |*'^I don't want to be a teacher's pet!**' I blurted out.
L14 139    |^*'I see,**' he said. ^He bent his head, looking for a
L14 140 piece of paper, so his voice sounded a bit muffled. *'^I don't
L14 141 think you need worry.**' ^He still didn't look up and his voice
L14 142 was trembling a little. ^I hadn't realised he'd be so upset.
L14 143 *'^You'd better copy this out.**'
L14 144    *|^*1I must not be rude to teachers.
L14 145    *|^*0I wrote this down in my best writing fifty times. ^My
L14 146 right hand performed its task automatically while my left
L14 147 clenched and unclenched its fingers. ^What would Mum say?
L14 148    *|^The sewing class was just ending when I got back. ^Miss
L14 149 Sweet looked at me once and then continued setting homework for
L14 150 next week. ^Her eyes had that blank look they got when she was
L14 151 starting one of her headaches.
L14 152    |^Except for Star no-one looked at me. ^She leaned over,
L14 153 picked up my sewing, folded it very carefully into my sewing bag
L14 154 and handed it to me. ^I couldn't even say thank you. ^What would
L14 155 Mum say?
L14 156    |^Somehow or other I got through the rest of the day. ^The
L14 157 word had got around very quickly and the kids were very good to
L14 158 me. ^They left me alone. ^Star offered me her lemon cheese tart
L14 159 at lunchtime but I shook my head. ^How could I eat with this
L14 160 hanging over my head?
L14 161    *|^After school I had to collect the library books and the
L14 162 bread. ^\0Mr Trundle was busy but today I didn't mind waiting.
L14 163    |*'^Yes, \0Mr Trundle, thank you \0Mr Trundle, are there any
L14 164 messages \0Mr Trundle? ^Are you sure?**'
L14 165    |^\0Mr Trundle grinned at me.
L14 166    |^*'Afraid not, Ruth,**' he said. ^*'It's straight home
L14 167 today,**' he added cheerfully.
L14 168    |^That's adults, I thought. ^They only have messages when
L14 169 you don't want to do them.
L14 170    *|^The road home seemed shorter today. ^And I still hadn't
L14 171 thought of what to say. ^I turned in the gate and walked slowly
L14 172 up the drive.
L14 173    *|*'^Ruth!**'
L14 174    |^Mum's voice called me. ^Mum's face was looking out the
L14 175 window.
L14 176    |*'^Ruth! ^Stop dawdling and come inside!**'
L14 177    |^I felt sick but there was no getting out of it. ^I would
L14 178 have to tell her.
L14 179    |*'^About time too! ^What's this I hear about you sticking
L14 180 your tongue out at the teacher?**'
L14 181    |^Shock closed my throat. ^How did she know?
L14 182    |*'^Don't stand there with your mouth open! ^What've you got
L14 183 to say for yourself?**'
L14 184    |^The terror which had started in the corridor now burst out
L14 185 and I cried and cried. ^I didn't hear all Mum said but I heard
L14 186 enough to know she was angry and disappointed. ^And then she said
L14 187 the only difference between me and Lizzie Borden was that Lizzie
L14 188 was safely dead and couldn't shame her parents any more.
L14 189    |^*'I ran out of tobacco,**' she finished up, *'so I went to
L14 190 the grocer's and who should be there but the headmaster. ^I've
L14 191 never felt so ashamed! ^He and \0Mr Trundle thought it was a good
L14 192 joke but I don't see anything funny in it at all! ^Now you, Miss,
L14 193 can go to bed!**'
L14 194    |^I stopped crying long enough to ask,
L14 195    |*'^Who's Lizzie Borden, Mum?**'
L14 196    |^Mum didn't answer.
L14 197    *|^When I was lying in bed I remembered Miss Sweet and hoped
L14 198 her headache was better. ^I saw her face as it was that morning,
L14 199 shocked and disbelieving, and then I remembered the sorry mess in
L14 200 the corridor. ^Laughter bubbled and boiled inside me and the bed
L14 201 shook as I hid my head under the blankets. ^Later, when I'd
L14 202 calmed down, just before I went off to sleep I remembered that I
L14 203 still didn't know what Star's sister had done. ^Never mind, I
L14 204 thought, I can find out tomorrow. ^Tomorrow. ^Tomorrow there'd be
L14 205 no-one calling me teacher's pet. ^I don't know if it's possible
L14 206 to go to sleep smiling but I'm pretty sure that's what I did.
L14 207 *<*6CAPTAIN JINKS*>
L14 208 **[PLATE**]
L14 209 |^*0When the swagger arrived at our back door, the School Ball
L14 210 was a week away. ^Although it was Saturday I felt the need to
L14 211 practise, so after all my jobs were done, there I was, dressed in
L14 212 one of Star's sister's old evening dresses, forehead frowning
L14 213 with concentration as I moved with my imaginary partner, singing
L14 214 as I went.
L14 215 *#
L15 001 **[488 TEXT L15**]
L15 002    |^*0The old old thought I had was called *'atlatl**', but
L15 003 that's not as helpful as *'moonshickered**' is it?
L15 004 *<*1Jokes of Gods and Whims of Ancestors*>
L15 005 |^*0My granny finally died when I was 18. ^She took a long time
L15 006 about it. ^She had a stroke (unfortunately she was making
L15 007 porridge at the time and dropped onto our coal range) (^Dad found
L15 008 her) (^I found Dad) that disabled her from doing everything a
L15 009 human does, except talk. ^There was another question I asked her
L15 010 on her deathbed: ^Where do you come from? ^*'I'm a Celt,**' she
L15 011 replied with an ancient and unknowable pride.
L15 012    |^Well, her accent was odd, could've been Irish or Scots or
L15 013 maybe anything else. ^All in all, she didn't tell me much at all.
L15 014 (^Of course, now I'd know to ask who her mother was, who her
L15 015 father was...)
L15 016    |^My Dad wasn't much help with the matter of ancestry
L15 017 either. ^When asked about his mother-in-law to wit his wife to
L15 018 wit my mother, he said, *'^\2Dunno much except the old bloke came
L15 019 from Cornwall.**'
L15 020    |^It was a bit tender to approach my Dad on the subject as
L15 021 to where *1he *0came from, who *1his *0parents were, because he'd
L15 022 been brought up in an orphanage. ^He knew he was part-Maori (so
L15 023 did Granny, who made sour snide little comments about that), and
L15 024 at some time during his orphanage years he'd been taught the
L15 025 language. ^He didn't tell it to me *- or rather, he told an
L15 026 infinitesimal amount to me.
L15 027    |^Because when as a 13-year-old, newly gone to high school,
L15 028 I finally plucked up courage to ask him, *'^Dad um, about your
L15 029 Maori side, our Maori side, *1my *0Maori side...?**' he smiled
L15 030 tightly and said, and wrote down for me so I couldn't mistake the
L15 031 answers to my questions ^Who are You and ^Where do You come from?
L15 032    |*'^Ko Pakatewhainau te iwi, no Wheatewhakaawi.**'
L15 033    |^I made the mistake of saying that out loud out proud at
L15 034 school.
L15 035 *<*1All the Smiling Faces Lonely People Keep on Walls*>
L15 036 |^*0Photographs make up a large part of some people's lives.
L15 037 ^They will grin at old photos, weep before portraits, relive days
L15 038 so long ago they are turned sepia and curly at the corners. ^They
L15 039 keep their friends on the mantelpiece and their relatives in
L15 040 albums that would smell musty, only the leaves are turned so very
L15 041 often they smell of sweat and finger-grease and tears.
L15 042    |^They prefer to talk to pictures because you can make
L15 043 the perfect answers back.
L15 044    |^That doesn't quite apply to my father.
L15 045    |^He is largely a silent man and I think I have conveyed
L15 046 that he couldn't care less about dead family. ^I think he loved
L15 047 my mother (who left him just after I was rescued from seeing the
L15 048 taniwha). ^I know he loves *1me *0which is not as reassuring as
L15 049 it might ordinarily be.
L15 050    |^You see, he is a knacker, a horse butcher. ^Somebody has
L15 051 got to do the job, sure. ^My father is, I understand (never
L15 052 having seen him at work), gentle and dispassionate and thoroughly
L15 053 efficient. ^No horse, I understand, ever goes terrified to its
L15 054 death in my father's yard; no owner of a horse has ever made a
L15 055 complaint about the way my father treats the dead horses he
L15 056 sometimes has to collect. ^In fact, most of them hand him
L15 057 photographs of their beasts in their heyday, ears pricked
L15 058 forward, eyes liquidly ashine and alert.
L15 059    |^If the owners of the horses he kills, or retrieves, don't
L15 060 give him a photograph, he takes one himself before the creatures
L15 061 are dead or are seen to be dead. ^He lives in two rooms above his
L15 062 knackery. ^The walls of the rooms are covered with many thousand
L15 063 photographs of horses. ^He is surrounded by horses, equine sad
L15 064 looks, equine glad looks, equine sighs and equine laughs.
L15 065    |^My father loves horses much more than he does humans but I
L15 066 rather hope he will put my photo in some small spare space soon.
L15 067 *<*1An Episode of Bagmoths*>
L15 068 |^*0I spent as much time in the bush as I could as a child
L15 069 because I was looking for rare insects, maybe ones no-one had
L15 070 ever found before. ^O the sadness when I found one...
L15 071    |^Now, when you're very shortsighted, you only see what is
L15 072 immediately in front of your nose. ^I early became aware of
L15 073 things that writhed oozily or scuttled away on a fringe of legs.
L15 074 ^When I learned to read, I read voraciously *- but only about
L15 075 insects. ^They were my fascination and comfort and path to future
L15 076 fame (I thought).
L15 077    |^We have many splendid and curious small creatures, from
L15 078 giraffe-weevils to astelia moths. ^There is such a range with so
L15 079 many bizarrely-beautiful life-cycles, that I should have grown up
L15 080 into a happy-ever-after entomologist.
L15 081    |^I was 12. ^I had a collection of moths that would make a
L15 082 lepidopterist sweat with pleasure but it lacked something that,
L15 083 while not in itself a rarity, was very rare in an undamaged
L15 084 state.
L15 085    |^Are you familiar with the work of an Australian
L15 086 cartoonist, Mary Leunig? ^Her art is generally macabrely,
L15 087 bitterly, funny, but there is one where the humour is relatively
L15 088 gentle. ^It shows a young male moth with gaudy wings standing by
L15 089 a suitcase and looking at his watch. ^On the wall behind him is a
L15 090 skinny bagmoth case *- his own. ^There is also a fat wriggling
L15 091 case *- the woman, of course, late as usual in getting ready you
L15 092 think, and grin before turning to the next page. ^The real joke
L15 093 is that the woman in this case will never finish getting dressed
L15 094 because female bagmoths remain forever in their cocoons. ^They
L15 095 are wingless grub-like creatures: to pull one out of its silken
L15 096 home is to kill it.
L15 097    |^Male bagmoths pupate and emerge winged and ready for
L15 098 action. ^There is one slight problem. ^Bagmoths tend to live way
L15 099 apart from each other, munching their way through the bush,
L15 100 dragging their cases behind them. ^As in everything else, the
L15 101 race is to the swift *- first come, first serve so to speak *- so
L15 102 off flutters the male in feverish haste, battering himself
L15 103 against twigs and branchlets and ruining himself as far as I was
L15 104 concerned. ^The only thing to do was to make a collection of
L15 105 bagmoths, hope there was a male among them, and anaesthetise it
L15 106 as soon as it came into the world.
L15 107    |^I scoured the bush for bagmoths and found a thousand and
L15 108 33. ^I converted my wardrobe into a bagmothery and reaped manuka
L15 109 by the armload to feed them. ^They all reached maturity and
L15 110 *1none *0of them turned into beings with wings. ^At least, not
L15 111 the proper Oeceticus omnivorous wings.
L15 112    |^I was looking at them disconsolately one afternoon, one
L15 113 thousand and 33 fat bagmoths hauling their homes around as they
L15 114 got stuck into fresh sprays of manuka, or snoozing, the mouths of
L15 115 their cocoons drawn shut. ^And suddenly, I saw it. ^One cocoon
L15 116 was contorting into s-shaped bends. ^It was wriggling
L15 117 frantically. ^Bagmoths did not do this in my experience, even
L15 118 when attacked by parasitic wasps. ^A male moth was hatching, late
L15 119 but at last!
L15 120    |^I took off my glasses and leaned eagerly close to the
L15 121 switching case. ^In one hand I had a killing bottle. ^Any moment
L15 122 now... something began to emerge from the bottom of the bagmoth
L15 123 case, very slowly at first but then with awful swiftness. ^Insect
L15 124 legs, insect abdomen, glorious? red! wings and a tiny head. ^With
L15 125 teeth. ^It looked like a human head. ^With human teeth. ^It was
L15 126 grinning at me, its minute black eyes viciously bright. ^The grin
L15 127 lasted a very long second. ^Then the thing dived powerfully into
L15 128 the air and sped past my goggling eyes out through the door and
L15 129 away.
L15 130    |^I didn't touch or look at or even think about an insect in
L15 131 any entomological sense ever again.
L15 132    |^Incidentally, if you're wondering how bagmoths female and
L15 133 male get it together in real life, why not keep a couple and see?
L15 134 ^Hurry, though. ^There's not much time left.
L15 135 *<*1Never the Same Wind Twice*>
L15 136 |^*0There's only one thing I've ever discovered since, that I
L15 137 enjoy as much as I enjoyed the world of insects and believe you
L15 138 me, I've tried more than a few things.
L15 139    |^It's breathing.
L15 140    |^Ordinary day-to-day breathing is fine, having the charm of
L15 141 novelty inasmuch as every lungful is slightly different, and deep
L15 142 breathing alright for some situations, and meditational breathing
L15 143 okay if you like meditation, but what I am talking about is the
L15 144 awareness of breathing.
L15 145    |^Some mornings I'd wake up very early and grin with delight
L15 146 as I drew in that first conscious chestful of air. ^It tasted
L15 147 better in my lungs than wine ever tasted on my tongue. ^It was
L15 148 ecstasy, it was *1sweet, *0air soughing in and all my little
L15 149 alveoli singing away with joy and oxygen-energy coursing through
L15 150 every space and particle of me. ^I could feel my heart in its
L15 151 cardiac sac swell and float, held down only by ropes of veins...
L15 152 it flutters against those ties, wanting to soar in free air as a
L15 153 great luminous pulsing living balloon... hey! grab another
L15 154 breath! ^This time'll do it!
L15 155    |^You've heard skylarks duelling for space, each pegging his
L15 156 own sky-claim with frantic song, making a chestburst effort to
L15 157 keep every other dueller fenced out as they quest higher and
L15 158 higher into the blue yonder? ^Sometimes I'd feel like their song
L15 159 on ordinary everyday air.
L15 160    |^I *1love *0breathing. ^Damn, but am I going to do it hard
L15 161 when I stop.
L15 162 *<*1Granny's Revenge*>
L15 163 |^*0I cried just after my granny died, not for her though (she
L15 164 was far better dead by that stage, and I hadn't liked her much
L15 165 while she was alive). ^Remember I said the old lady had spent
L15 166 most of her life helping hack farms from the bush? ^Well, we had
L15 167 always understood that each new farm had just about paid for the
L15 168 last one, and that when my grandfather was lost to the bush, my
L15 169 granny was left destitute. ^But no: she had twenty thousand
L15 170 pounds squirrelled away and she left it all to me. ^My Dad
L15 171 grinned faintly when he learned that. ^He gave me good advice.
L15 172 ^*'Buy a small house and invest the rest girl,**' and then he
L15 173 shifted quite happily into the loft rooms of his knackery. ^I did
L15 174 what he said, bought a solid little house on the edge of town,
L15 175 right on the beach, and put the rest away to work for me. ^If I
L15 176 lived fairly frugally, I'd never have to work for it.
L15 177    |^Boy, the old lady must have hated me a lot. ^She'd
L15 178 obviously never forgotten those apples.
L15 179 *<*1The Early Sown Skulls*>
L15 180 |^*0We were one hell of a gang on the beach.
L15 181    |^There was Elias, who lived closest to me, quarter of a
L15 182 mile away, bright and gay and very knowledgeable about drugs. ^He
L15 183 was discreet but indefatigable in the pursuit of new lovers.
L15 184 ^There was Pinky and Molly and Chris, an oddly-sexed trio who
L15 185 were indefatigable in pursuit of each other but rather liked
L15 186 others to watch. ^There was me, independent and alone and
L15 187 indefatigable in pursuit of any boy or man who would help me
L15 188 explore more of myself as a woman.
L15 189    |^Don't yawn like that. ^I'm not going to tell you any of
L15 190 what went on except to say that I learned a lot about myself and
L15 191 others and enjoyed most of the learning very much for the three
L15 192 happy years it went on. ^At least, I think I did. ^What with the
L15 193 drink and the smoke and capsules that Elias handed round with gay
L15 194 abandon, I can't remember much of the detail.
L15 195    |^I do remember the young pothead who staggered to our
L15 196 bonfire one night, drawn by The Smoke amongst all the other.
L15 197    |^*'Could smell it a mile away,**' he husks, and coughs
L15 198 throatily. ^He's a stocky youth with an oddly-gaunt face, and
L15 199 raggedy-black hair. ^The firelight dances on his bare chest and
L15 200 shoulders, on his teeth as the joint passes to him and he smiles
L15 201 slowly, *'maaan, that's so sweet,**' cupping his hands round its
L15 202 ember end.
L15 203 *#
L16 001 **[489 TEXT L16**]
L16 002 ^*0And although the priests claim to have his bones there in an
L16 003 ancient stone coffin, the people believe that the Emperor sleeps
L16 004 in a cave in the hills guarded by the wild huntsmen who ride
L16 005 yelling across the sky in autumn storms, and that some day, in a
L16 006 time of greatest peril, the horn will be blown and the Emperor
L16 007 will come riding back with his twelve champions to deliver
L16 008 mankind.
L16 009    |^We were, of course, approaching Cologne by a different way
L16 010 from our departure, from the west, not along the river-road, so
L16 011 it is hardly surprising that we did not recognise the city till
L16 012 we were quite close to it. ^We had marched out of it, thousands
L16 013 strong, now it was just the six of us; then, it was Brother
L16 014 Philemon, with his strange powers, now it was our kind and
L16 015 sensible friend Melchior; then it was high summer, now the strong
L16 016 walls and towers of the city loomed up through the chill and
L16 017 wintry riverhaze.
L16 018    |^Our last night of safety and comfort was spent in a
L16 019 guest-house not far from the river. ^We had planned to cross the
L16 020 river early in the morning and so make a full day's march of our
L16 021 journey; but I was awakened in the night by the sound of wind and
L16 022 rain lashing down on the thatch, and in the morning a storm was
L16 023 blowing out of the hills and straight down the valley, preventing
L16 024 any boats from putting across.
L16 025    |^We loitered about most of the day between the guest-house
L16 026 and the river bank. ^By late afternoon the wind had dropped and
L16 027 broken clouds were moving across the sky in strange shapes, which
L16 028 might indeed have been the great Emperor's phantom horsemen on
L16 029 their endless hunt. ^The river still ran fast and high with
L16 030 autumn rains, and there was only one wherryman willing to carry
L16 031 us across, but even he was making only a last journey to get
L16 032 home, and asked for an extra penny at that.
L16 033    |^We said goodbye to Melchior, who had found the boatman and
L16 034 come to the river bank to see us off, giving us a packet of food
L16 035 and some money for the road. ^We knew that this was likely to be
L16 036 the final one of all our partings, and this made us all the
L16 037 sadder to see the last of this tall figure and pale freckled face
L16 038 as we pulled away from the shore.
L16 039    |^Soon we had enough to think about, for the wide river was
L16 040 a mass of twisted currents and, no matter what he might try to
L16 041 do, our boatman could not stop the little vessel from twisting
L16 042 about continually and shipping water. ^We had to bail, nor did it
L16 043 ease matters that things went ill with Emeraud and she remained
L16 044 white**[ARB**]-faced and silent huddled down beside Gerhard in
L16 045 the bow of the boat.
L16 046    |^We stopped for the night at that same village where the
L16 047 young folk had forced the church to be opened to us for shelter.
L16 048 ^There were few young people there now and the church door was
L16 049 again shut in our faces, but soon one older couple, then another,
L16 050 came up and led us away to a house where we could bed down for
L16 051 the night. ^Sitting round the fire, after supper, we told them
L16 052 our story, at least up to our rescue from slavery, and they
L16 053 listened, not for entertainment, but in deadly earnest, with some
L16 054 tears, hoping to catch some crumbs of news about the lost
L16 055 children. ^So it was from then on at most of our stopping-places.
L16 056    |^Now we were leaving the vineyards and cornfields of the
L16 057 valley behind, and still anxious to reach our home before the
L16 058 snows lay thick in the mountains, we turned partly aside from our
L16 059 old route, and travelled through the hills where the iron-workers
L16 060 lived. ^The skies here were grey, and the winter fog smelled of
L16 061 smoke and iron. ^The people, men and women, were all short and
L16 062 bandy-legged and smeared with soot, and when they came climbing
L16 063 up the ladders out of their holes in the ground, they were like
L16 064 kobolds, toiling in darkness and avoiding the light of day. ^They
L16 065 were very closeknit and suspicious of strangers, which meant that
L16 066 they had lost no one to the pilgrimage and were surly towards us.
L16 067 ^We were glad to leave that part of the country. ^During the few
L16 068 nights we were there, I dreamed repeatedly of the boy-prophet and
L16 069 his vision of the battle between angels and demons, swords of
L16 070 light and the blaze of red lightning.
L16 071    |^So, in the last days of the dying year, we retraced our
L16 072 steps through the farmland, through the rough pasture, through
L16 073 the woodlands with the woodsmen's huts and the charcoal-burners'
L16 074 kilns smoking in the clearings. ^All this time, the weather
L16 075 remained mild and foggy, and the snow held off, as if we were
L16 076 being helped on our way, until at last, early on the vigil of
L16 077 blessed Christmas, we came to the thick of the dark forest and
L16 078 the road beginning to wind up towards the mountain-pass, lost
L16 079 ahead and above us in grey cloud.
L16 080    |^We stopped by the road and sat on a fallen tree trunk,
L16 081 taking out the last of our provisions.
L16 082    |^*"There's not much left,**" I said, *"so let's save a
L16 083 half. ^We'll be at least one more night on the road, perhaps
L16 084 two.**"
L16 085    |^*"And no robbers to feed us this time, I hope,**" said
L16 086 Gerhard.
L16 087    |^*"And no wolves,**" said Ottilie and shivered.
L16 088    |^*"I suppose you're right, old Kaspar,**" said Gerhard,
L16 089 *"but oh, isn't it good to think only one more night? ^I feel I'd
L16 090 like to eat all my portion and just walk and walk till I come to
L16 091 the city gate and call out to your Uncle Odo, *'^Let us in, we're
L16 092 back.**'**"
L16 093    |^They fell silent for a moment, eating their hard stale
L16 094 bread and cheese, and wondering how many of their people might
L16 095 still be alive. ^I looked at them all with great love, yet seeing
L16 096 them suddenly almost as strangers. ^Could that tall young man and
L16 097 woman be indeed my sister Emeraud and Gerhard her husband? ^And
L16 098 that dark strong bullet-headed fellow shouldering the heaviest
L16 099 pack, was he old silent Bruno? ^And Rosamond with her flushed
L16 100 eager face was growing into womanhood too, and her sister there
L16 101 beside her, no longer our little Ottilie, with the faded red silk
L16 102 of Sebastian's scarf still worn round her throat, and where now,
L16 103 I wondered, might Ibrahim's half be?
L16 104    |^Perhaps we were the last, all that was left of that great
L16 105 army of children which had flowed south like confluent rivers to
L16 106 deliver the Holy Land and perhaps set up the New Jerusalem. ^What
L16 107 a ragamuffin lot we were, all gaunt and weather beaten from the
L16 108 road, our clothes all patched and worn, with bits of blanket for
L16 109 cloaks and rags wrapped around our feet and turbans of rags
L16 110 around our heads. ^For overnight it had set in very still and
L16 111 cold, so we used every scrap of our spare clothes and bedding to
L16 112 keep warm.
L16 113    |^Nor did we want to sit long. ^We cut ourselves staffs for
L16 114 the long plod up to the pass, and gathered together on the track.
L16 115 ^I glanced across at Rosamond, and a snow-flake fluttered down,
L16 116 touched her cheek and melted.
L16 117    |^Snow began to fall.
L16 118    |^With lifted heads, we saw the white flakes drifting down
L16 119 out of the dark sky, and felt them strike and fall with the
L16 120 faintest hiss on our faces. ^With anxious hearts we debated what
L16 121 to do, and quickly decided that we had no choice but to push on
L16 122 towards home and safety, and not risk being blocked off by deep
L16 123 snow in the pass and have to retreat into the wilderness, perhaps
L16 124 for weeks or months.
L16 125    |^At first, the snow chilled and invigorated us as we
L16 126 climbed the lower slopes of the track. ^Our bodies warmed and our
L16 127 cheeks glowed; we even made little runs, scuffing up the snow as
L16 128 it lay light on the ground. ^Then the track gradually steepened,
L16 129 and all the while the snow fell steadily out of the sky until all
L16 130 was soft underfoot, our feet made no sound in their paddings of
L16 131 rags, and we could no longer see the heights ahead or the
L16 132 foothills behind.
L16 133    |^Still we tramped on, leaning more heavily on our staffs,
L16 134 sometimes pausing to strike at a snow-laden branch and bring the
L16 135 snow showering down. ^For the most part the track was closed in
L16 136 by the dark forest, and we were surprised, when it opened out to
L16 137 skirt a low cliff, to find that we were already quite high up,
L16 138 and could see the lower countryside and hills and tree tops only
L16 139 faintly, dimmed and hidden as it was by veil after veil of
L16 140 falling snow.
L16 141    |^The going became harder. ^Gerhard already had his arm
L16 142 around Emeraud and was gently helping her on the way. ^Ottilie
L16 143 began to drag, and had to lean her hand on Bruno's shoulder as he
L16 144 plodded sturdily along. ^I looked at Rosamond, but she shook her
L16 145 head and said a little breathlessly: *"^No, it's all right,
L16 146 Kaspar.**"
L16 147    |^The track, which had seemed easy enough when we came down
L16 148 it, slithering on dry pine-needles in summer, was steep and
L16 149 winding for the return, and we found ourselves scrambling over
L16 150 unexpected rocks or having to help one another, pushing and
L16 151 pulling, up steep slopes made slippery now with snow.
L16 152    |^As the trees opened out, we were more exposed to the snow,
L16 153 now blowing in our faces before a steady wind, which brought the
L16 154 cold in through our damp rags. ^The dark sky under which we had
L16 155 started our march had turned to a shining steely grey. ^Someone
L16 156 stumbled and fell. ^I looked up from watching my shapeless feet
L16 157 plodding one-two, one-two, one-two, sinking deeper all the time
L16 158 into the snow, and the pick, pick, pick of my staff touching the
L16 159 stony ground.
L16 160    |^The landscape had changed, and almost disappeared. ^The
L16 161 pines were no more than vague shapes; there was no limit to the
L16 162 sky. ^To my dazzled eyes, the whole world was a whiteness in
L16 163 which only my cold and aching feet told me where the ground was.
L16 164    |^It was Bruno who had fallen. ^I groped forward and helped
L16 165 him up. ^He had tripped over something, a dry branch perhaps
L16 166 buried under the snow, and bruised his shin. ^He insisted on
L16 167 going ahead with his pack, but limping now, and with Ottilie
L16 168 helping him. ^Rosamond had stayed with me. ^I could see no sign
L16 169 of Gerhard and Emeraud. ^I started to walk on, when Gerhard's
L16 170 hoarse shout sounded behind and above me, and I realised in a
L16 171 moment of panic that Rosamond and I had started to wander off
L16 172 down the track again.
L16 173    |^Calling out to one another, we all came together again,
L16 174 with Gerhard and my sister waiting till we caught up with them.
L16 175 ^Gerhard had worked out a trick of fixing some shape, however
L16 176 vague, in the direction we wanted to go, walking towards it,
L16 177 fixing another mark, and so on. ^Even so, we had almost to tap
L16 178 our way with our staffs like blind folk in case we found
L16 179 ourselves on the edge of some unseen crevice or cliff. ^Clinging
L16 180 together, tapping and feeling our way, we must have looked like
L16 181 blind folk indeed.
L16 182    |^My feet no longer hurt and my hands could hardly feel
L16 183 Rosamond's shoulder on my right and Bruno's pack on my left. ^On
L16 184 and on we plodded through the white and blinding snow-mists, in
L16 185 an endless dream.
L16 186    |^The shadowy pines stirred under a sighing wind. ^The
L16 187 snow-mist thinned and parted ahead of us, revealing the track
L16 188 leading up to the summit of the pass. ^Marching silently past us,
L16 189 under their eagle ensigns and with faint soundless trumpets blowing,
L16 190 came the same Roman soldiers I had seen before, the bony faces
L16 191 and hollow sockets turned upon us as they passed, just as I had
L16 192 seen them before.
L16 193 *#
L17 001 **[490 TEXT L17**]
L17 002    |*'...*0as President Nixon put it, the Heavens have become a
L17 003 part of man's world...**'
L17 004    |^The astronauts blundered about, planting the American flag
L17 005 with its special stiffener.
L17 006    |*'^The plaque bears the message, *"^We Came In Peace For
L17 007 All Mankind.**"**'
L17 008    |^*'It's clever, you can't deny that,**' said Stephen.
L17 009    |*'^But the moon looks so boring. ^When I was a kid I was a
L17 010 Brick Bradford fan. ^When he went to the moon, *1years *0before
L17 011 these buggers, he found a huge temple, and an underground city.
L17 012 ^I prefer that version. ^I mean look at it, it's just dust.**'
L17 013    |^Local notables were interviewed. ^A lady poet smiled sadly
L17 014 for the camera.
L17 015    |*'^For me the moon just won't be the same. ^When I stare at
L17 016 it now it will be with a sense of loss, the loss of mystery, of
L17 017 romance. ^The moon was not meant to be walked upon, it was meant
L17 018 to inspire us, to be written about.**'
L17 019    |^*'Silly bitch,**' said Simon. *'^Hey look, here's your old
L17 020 prof...**'
L17 021    |^Professor Lewis's white hair was down to his shoulders
L17 022 now. ^The microphone was thrust into his face.
L17 023    |*'^What do you think of the American achievement,
L17 024 Professor?**'
L17 025    |^He took the pipe from his mouth. ^His face was grave.
L17 026    |*'^Today's events merely demonstrate yet again the way in
L17 027 which technological achievement outstrips social progress. ^If
L17 028 only the same technology that put these men on the moon could be
L17 029 applied to the growing of rice in the Third World, then per
L17 030 capita incomes would rise. ^What does it matter to those humans
L17 031 who huddle in the slums of Jakarta or Calcutta, that men have
L17 032 walked on the moon?**'
L17 033    |^He replaced his pipe and looked accusingly at the
L17 034 interviewer, as if it was he who had financed the Apollo
L17 035 programme. ^Stephen looked at Simon and sighed.
L17 036    |^\0Mr Holyoake was *'thrilled**', the American ambassador
L17 037 *'proud beyond words**', the people in Lambton Quay unanimous in
L17 038 their excitement. ^The television astronomer came on and went
L17 039 through it all again, using little models of lunar modules and
L17 040 buggies. ^By the time the pictures came on yet again, accompanied
L17 041 by the crackling commentary, they had seen enough. ^Simon got up
L17 042 and turned down the sound.
L17 043    |*'^I went to Thomas Cook's and got the brochures today.**'
L17 044 ^He went out, and came back with a pile of booklets. ^He tossed
L17 045 them on the sofa. *'^Japan, India, Thailand, Hong Kong, Russia,
L17 046 Sweden, Germany... take your pick.**'
L17 047    |^They looked through them hungrily. ^In the colourful
L17 048 brochures everyone was happy, everyone exuded hospitality, in
L17 049 every photo the sun shone on visitors and locals alike. ^In every
L17 050 country there were forests, beaches, lakes, temples, villages,
L17 051 cathedrals and landscapes of breathtaking beauty.
L17 052    |^*'Bugger the moon,**' mused Simon *'give me the earth any
L17 053 day. ^What do you think?**'
L17 054    |*'^What about Indonesia, China, North Korea, Mongolia, the
L17 055 Soviet Union and Eastern Europe?**'
L17 056    |*'^Sounds great, but we couldn't do it. ^I checked with
L17 057 External Affairs. ^We won't get visas for most of those places.
L17 058 ^The nearest embassy of the People's Republic is in
L17 059 *1Cambodia.**'
L17 060    |*'^*0What about India?**'
L17 061    |*'^I'd prefer Russia.**'
L17 062    |*'^Well, there's one here on the trans-Siberian railway.**'
L17 063 ^He leaned over and found it. *'^Look at that, that's the
L17 064 *1dining *0car.**'
L17 065    |^Simon went on staring at the brochures. ^Just a few more
L17 066 months and they would be out of it. ^Now that *1would *0be a
L17 067 giant step for a man. ^One outgrew a place, he thought, just as
L17 068 when one was younger one outgrew a pair of sandals. ^When he had
L17 069 first come to Wellington, it had seemed a metropolis after
L17 070 Napier. ^Now he realised that Wellington was just a town, Napier
L17 071 a village. ^He was tired of this town, tired of seeing the same
L17 072 faces in the street. ^Even in court there was the same parade of
L17 073 petty crooks. ^It was time for bigger things. ^Much bigger
L17 074 things.
L17 075    |*'^What say we leave in the New Year?**'
L17 076    |*'^Why then?**'
L17 077    |*'^It'd give us time to save a bit more dough, then take a
L17 078 few days off after Christmas to say goodbye to everyone, see the
L17 079 folks and that sort of business.**'
L17 080    |*'^Yes, I've said I'll spend Christmas in Kaimara, so I'll
L17 081 be more than ready to leave at New Year.**'
L17 082    |*'^New Year. ^It'll be 1970. ^A new decade. ^God, where did
L17 083 the last one go?**' ^Simon turned over the pages of the Intourist
L17 084 brochure. *'^The trans-Siberian railway in the middle of the
L17 085 Russian winter, comrade. ^Swallowing vodka, listening to the
L17 086 balalaikas, watching the leafless birch forests gliding past the
L17 087 train window. ^It'll be real \0Dr Zhivago stuff.**'
L17 088    |*'^Then Moscow, Warsaw, Berlin, Scandinavia...**'
L17 089    |^They stared at the scenes of pretty Soviet girls, arms
L17 090 linked, skipping through the streets of an equally pretty
L17 091 Siberian village.
L17 092    |*'^What about Anna?**' said Stephen.
L17 093    |^Simon didn't answer immediately. ^Then he said:
L17 094    |*'^She'll be all right.**'
L17 095    |^Stephen smiled.
L17 096    |*'^I didn't mean her, I meant you.**'
L17 097    |^Simon's eyes returned to the brochure.
L17 098    |^*'I'll be all right too, don't worry about that,**' he
L17 099 said.
L17 100 *|^Josie took the letter into the lounge, tearing at the end of
L17 101 the long blue and white envelope. ^It came away, and with a
L17 102 shaking hand she withdrew the letter. ^A letterhead. ^*2LAWTON &
L17 103 FOX, PUBLISHERS. ^*0A page of typing, the words appearing to
L17 104 scuttle in all directions at once, like crabs when their rock is
L17 105 overturned. ^She forced herself to read slowly.
L17 106 **[BEGIN INDENTATION ONE**]
L17 107 |^Dear \0Mrs James,
L17 108    |^Firstly, my sincere apologies for the delay in dealing
L17 109 with your manuscript, but one of our readers has been overseas
L17 110 and could not begin until May. ^However we have fully considered
L17 111 your work, and I am happy to be able to tell you that we will be
L17 112 shortly forwarding you a contract for its publication,
L17 113 tentatively set for early June next year. ^Our readers were
L17 114 virtually unanimous in their reactions to the manuscript. ^They
L17 115 found your writing vivid, honest and original, and the main
L17 116 character sympathetic without being sentimental. ^*'Honest**' was
L17 117 a recurring adjective in their reports, while the phrase *'moral
L17 118 without moralising**' is a phrase which I believe epitomises the
L17 119 spirit of the story. ^We are confident that the novel will have
L17 120 both critical and commercial appeal.
L17 121    |^It will be necessary to make some minor changes to your
L17 122 manuscript. ^Not all our editors are completely happy with
L17 123 *'Omissions**' as a title, for example. ^However such problems as
L17 124 do exist will be resolved, amicably I am sure, after editorial
L17 125 consultation. ^With regard to this point, it is our policy to
L17 126 work in person with our overseas authors, and, accordingly, we
L17 127 would like you to travel to Sydney sometime in the next three
L17 128 months. ^Airfares and accommodation for you will be reserved upon
L17 129 receipt of a signed copy of your contract and your preferred date
L17 130 of travel. ^Travel expenses will be deducted from first royalty
L17 131 payment. ^The company has an apartment in the Elizabeth Bay area
L17 132 for this purpose. ^We anticipate that it will take from two to
L17 133 three weeks to complete editing. ^We will also be commissioning
L17 134 the jacket design shortly, and will hope to have some possible
L17 135 designs available for you by the time you arrive in Sydney.
L17 136    |^So, congratulations. ^Please inform us at your earliest
L17 137 convenience of the time that you are likely to be coming to
L17 138 Sydney. ^I look forward to meeting you.
L17 139 **[BEGIN INDENTATION TWO**]
L17 140 |^Sincerely,
L17 141    |David Goddard (Managing Editor).
L17 142 **[END INDENTATION TWO**]
L17 143 **[END INDENTATION ONE**]
L17 144    |^Josie had the feeling that the whole world was looking
L17 145 over her shoulder. ^The words and paragraphs blurred, came into
L17 146 focus, blurred again. ^A novel, a book. ^Come to Sydney.
L17 147 ^*2SYDNEY. ^*0Air fares, accommodation. ^Editing. ^What needed
L17 148 editing? ^What the hell was wrong with *'Omissions**'? ^She
L17 149 wasn't cutting anything out, she would be adamant about that.
L17 150 ^Well, it would depend what exactly it was they wanted. ^And if
L17 151 the editor was someone like Adele, they could probably work
L17 152 something out. ^Three weeks, three weeks. ^Hell, what about the
L17 153 kids, who could look after them? ^Anna? ^No, \0Mrs Broughton
L17 154 perhaps.
L17 155    |^And as her eyes skimmed the lines yet again, certain words
L17 156 continued to leap out at her. ^*1The novel. ^Overseas authors.
L17 157 ^Travel to Sydney.
L17 158    |^*0She clutched the letter, her mind chaotic, bewildered,
L17 159 jubilant. ^She had hoped for it for so long, and it was all that
L17 160 she had hoped, more than she had dared hope. ^Someone, in another
L17 161 land, had been moved by what she had written. ^And out of the
L17 162 welter of joy and fear, there was one, sure, connecting truth.
L17 163 ^There had been a point to the pain, after all.
L17 164 *|^Bill had spread the map out over the dining room table. ^He
L17 165 kept returning to it as he spoke, stabbing his big forefinger
L17 166 down on the headland.
L17 167    |*'^There's ten acres for sale. ^Some pasture, a grove of
L17 168 native trees, the rest scrub. ^There's a track down the cliff
L17 169 here... and the house is here, in this hollow.**'
L17 170    |^*'What's the house like?**' said Phillip.
L17 171    |*'^It's been used for storing hay for a few years. ^It's
L17 172 basically okay, needs replumbing, reglazing. ^It could hold... I
L17 173 guess ten, maybe twelve people.**' ^He held out his hands to
L17 174 Phillip in a supplicating gesture. *'^The place has got
L17 175 everything Phillip, everything. ^Grazing, fishing. ^We could live
L17 176 totally off the land.**' ^He shook his head in admiration.
L17 177 *'^*1Great *0country for growing dope.**'
L17 178    |*'^What about a school? ^Jason'll be starting in a
L17 179 another**[SIC**] couple of years.**'
L17 180    |*'^There's a small one here. ^At Adamtown.**' ^He made a
L17 181 pained face. *'^But why worry about little problems like a
L17 182 school, Phil? ^I mean what's the purpose of education? ^Here the
L17 183 kid will learn for *1himself, *0by *1doing *0things, not just
L17 184 reading about them.**'
L17 185    |^Phillip stared at the map. ^A community of people, all
L17 186 with the same philosophy. ^No more office, no more motorway to
L17 187 keep one jump ahead of. ^Total freedom, total self-reliance. ^It
L17 188 was all so logical, so sensible. ^Five years of moving along
L17 189 Lambton Quay and back every day with the other public service
L17 190 drones. ^And for what? ^A weather**[ARB**]-board and iron house
L17 191 stuck on a Patagonian section in Wainui. ^That was all so futile,
L17 192 so predictable. ^He didn't even have a trip overseas to plan or
L17 193 look forward to, like Simon and Steve. ^A communal life. ^Bill
L17 194 had told him the commune he had stayed on in New England even had
L17 195 group sex. ^Cynthia would need to get used to that slowly, like
L17 196 she had with the pot, but once she did it would be great. ^Better
L17 197 than their own bloody boring sex life. ^Half a dozen guys, half a
L17 198 dozen women, in a house on a headland in Coromandel. ^Bill
L17 199 flicked his ponytail.
L17 200    |*'^It's all there Phil. ^What we have to do is advertise
L17 201 for a group, raise the money between us, and put it all together.
L17 202 ^What do you say?**'
L17 203    |^Phillip nodded, his eyes still on the map.
L17 204    |*'^I'll talk to Cyn about it tonight.**'
L17 205 *|^They laughed, and cried, and laughed again. ^They drank two
L17 206 large sherries each, and hugged each other, and Anna took the
L17 207 letter and held it aloft like a trophy, and the twins crowed and
L17 208 jumped with glee at the way Mummy and Anna were dancing and
L17 209 laughing. ^Gasping, Josie dropped backwards onto the sofa, while
L17 210 Anna took the letter over to the dining table, sat down and read
L17 211 it once again.
L17 212    |*'^Have you thought about when you'll go?**'
L17 213    |*'^I've thought about it. ^I haven't decided.**'
L17 214    |*'^Sometime in the next three months... ^Go soon, as soon
L17 215 as you can.**'
L17 216    |*'^Yes, if I can.**'
L17 217    |*'You can, of course you can.**' ^She looked at the letter
L17 218 again, then at Josie. *'^I want to come too Josie.**'
L17 219    |^Josie blinked.
L17 220    |*'^Why?**'
L17 221    |*'^I've heard about publishers. ^They're all men, they'll
L17 222 try to rip you off.**'
L17 223    |*'^What do you mean?**'
L17 224    |*'^Look, you've got something they need, something that
L17 225 could make them a lot of money. ^If you're on your own, they're
L17 226 bound to see you as exploitable.**'
L17 227    |*'^The man in the letter doesn't *1sound *0like a man who'd
L17 228 take advantage....**'
L17 229    |*'^That's probably what he's hoping you'll think.**' ^She
L17 230 stood up. *'^Do you know anything about contracts? ^Royalties?
L17 231 ^Movie rights?**'
L17 232    |^Josie made a wry face.
L17 233    |*'^Do you?**'
L17 234 *#
L18 001 **[491 TEXT L18**]
L18 002    |^*0The Boy's parents try not to enter his room unexpectedly
L18 003 on too many occasions. ^The Boy's room, and in particular the bed
L18 004 area of it, is not a sight for sheltered eyes.
L18 005    |^Half of the Boy's bed is sublet to the Boy's dog. ^The
L18 006 other half is an environment where bizarre objects lie and
L18 007 apparently multiply. ^Books (the current reading place marked
L18 008 with a sock), coffee mugs (their level of dregs occasionally
L18 009 marked with a sock), several comics (and several more socks), a
L18 010 transistor, apple cores and orange peel in a state somewhere
L18 011 between vegetable and mineral, a pocket-knife, half a dozen
L18 012 teaspoons and certain mementos of the dog usually dominate the
L18 013 upper levels.
L18 014    |^These levels are seldom disturbed. ^After having sworn to
L18 015 love, honour, and meticulously make his bed in return for a
L18 016 percentage increase in his pocket money, the Boy now hauls up the
L18 017 covers every second day. ^When his mates come to stay, he gets
L18 018 out the family stack of sleeping bags, and they all curl up on
L18 019 the floor.
L18 020    |^The Boy has had a history of beds in the last few years.
L18 021 ^After much pleading and vows of eternal care and common sense on
L18 022 his part, the Boy's parents reluctantly sold the little white bed
L18 023 with the Paddington Bear transfers across the headboard, and
L18 024 replaced it with a tier of single bunks.
L18 025    |^It took the Boy and his dog just a year of wrestling,
L18 026 head-banging and slat-loosening on these before they degenerated
L18 027 into the kindling-wood category. ^They were replaced *- again
L18 028 after pleading and vows *- by two trundle beds, a sort of Chinese
L18 029 box affair where one wheeled couch comes rolling out from under
L18 030 its taller brother.
L18 031    |^After six months of wrestling, knee-banging and 
L18 032 slat-loosening by the Boy and his dog on these, his parents have
L18 033 resolved on wire-mesh hammocks next time.
L18 034 **[PLATE**]
L18 035    |^I don't want to give the impression that the Boy is always
L18 036 to be found resting in his bed. ^Sometimes he may be found
L18 037 resting folded up, across and down a chair, like a 14
L18 038 1/2-year-old staple. ^Sometimes he may be found leaning against a
L18 039 wall in a more or less standing position, his antelope legs
L18 040 crossed at the ankle, his weight supported by one shoulder
L18 041 against the wallpaper while he works his way through his latest
L18 042 issue of *1The Werewolf's Weekly. ^*0Sometimes, still in the more
L18 043 or less standing position, he carries on a detailed conversation
L18 044 with his parents while leaning the whole of his upper body along
L18 045 the mantelpiece.
L18 046    |^Occasionally, the Boy appears to be struck by sudden and
L18 047 incapacitating fatigue as he slopes from one part of the house to
L18 048 another. ^One comes across a figure collapsed diagonally across
L18 049 the living-room floor or in the hall, the top two-thirds of its
L18 050 body comfortably prone in the traffic way, the bits from the
L18 051 knees down waving idly in the air like the mandibles of some
L18 052 denim-wearing stick insect. ^It's the Boy doing his Maths
L18 053 homework.
L18 054    |^The Boy knows that his rest is a threatened thing. ^His
L18 055 parents are constantly at him with the grossest and most
L18 056 tyrannical of demands, carefully calculated to make his life one
L18 057 onerous ordeal for as long as possible.
L18 058    |^Why, only last week his father burst into the front room
L18 059 where the Boy was having a well-earned lie-down after getting out
L18 060 of bed, and was quite offensive about the four disintegrating
L18 061 banana skins found between the Boy's bed and the wall.
L18 062    |^The day after that, his mother struck him deliberately
L18 063 several times on the elbows with the nozzle of the vacuum cleaner
L18 064 as she worked around the place where he was reclining on the
L18 065 living-room rug.
L18 066    |^The Boy's parents, in their turn, have one main worry
L18 067 about the Boy's whole-hearted dedication to avoiding undue
L18 068 strain.
L18 069    |^They worry a little, sometimes, that the Boy may become so
L18 070 unused to physical activity that even the act of sleeping may
L18 071 become too enervating and he'll expire from exhaustion without
L18 072 ever being awake to know it.
L18 073 *<*4The Boy and the Communications Gap*>
L18 074 |^*0On the very first report that the Boy brought home from high
L18 075 school, there was a remark that seemed to sum up the problems
L18 076 attendant on maintaining effective communications with a 14
L18 077 1/2-year-old.
L18 078    |^Towards the bottom of the report, under comments reading
L18 079 *'^Work would be improved by using an unmutilated ruler**', and
L18 080 *'^Tidiness *1is *0compatible with manliness**', there was one
L18 081 that the Boy's parents recognised as having been written by a
L18 082 kindred spirit. ^It read, *'^He is rumoured to have spoken in
L18 083 class on one occasion.**'
L18 084    |^I don't know if the Boy's teachers have made the mistake
L18 085 of trying to cajole him into speech when he feels disinclined.
L18 086 ^Certainly the Boy's parents are well aware of the futility of
L18 087 such an effort. ^During his first high school term they foolishly
L18 088 persisted in greeting him when he came home with questions such
L18 089 as, *'^Hello, son, and how were things at school today?**'
L18 090    |^The Boy's invariable and monosyllabic reply, before
L18 091 sloping off to wrestle with his dog or sprawl diagonally across
L18 092 the living-room in front of the \0TV, was *'^Oh, fine.**'
L18 093    |^Months later, perhaps a chance remark from a neighbour
L18 094 would reveal that this had been the Monday when the school
L18 095 assembly hall burned to the ground, or the Wednesday when the
L18 096 Boy's Social Studies teacher ran away to Guatemala with the
L18 097 milkman.
L18 098    |^\0OK, there are always school newsletters to tell parents
L18 099 what's going on, but school newsletters are of little use when
L18 100 they turn up floating sodden and illegible in the washing
L18 101 machine, where they've been agitated out of the Boy's shirt
L18 102 pocket a week after the relevant date.
L18 103    |^The Boy, of course, is untroubled by the communications
L18 104 gap. ^Or, more accurately, the only trouble such a gap causes him
L18 105 is when his parents and others persist in trying to bridge it.
L18 106    |^The Boy presumably sees himself as an island of silence
L18 107 constantly battered by the waves of a sea of babble. ^This may
L18 108 partly explain why he and his dog get along so well. ^The Boy's
L18 109 dog, like its master, is a man of few words.
L18 110    |^His small sister sees matters the other way. ^On a school
L18 111 task sheet she was filling in just recently about Captain Cook
L18 112 and the Age of Exploration, she was particularly emphatic with
L18 113 one of her answers.
L18 114    |^The question asked: ^What sort of people would you take
L18 115 with you on a two-year voyage around the world? ^Small sister's
L18 116 two-part answer read: A: ^Someone to talk to. B: ^Someone with
L18 117 manners.
L18 118    |^On some of the occasions when he does talk, the Boy seems
L18 119 living proof that the Stone Age is not yet over. ^On the
L18 120 telephone to his mates, his end of the conversation is positively
L18 121 runic. ^It begins promisingly enough with *'^G'day**', but then
L18 122 slumps into a rhythm of *'^Urr**', *'^Mmff**', *'^Hunh**' and
L18 123 *'^Garr**', before hanging up with a final *'^Uh-huh**'.
L18 124    |^But, just to confuse the issue, there are times when
L18 125 *1over*0-communication is the problem. ^Times when the Boy bursts
L18 126 forth with a positive monsoon of words.
L18 127    |^Mostly these are questions aimed at his father. ^Touching
L18 128 and amazing questions *- touching because he comes and asks them;
L18 129 amazing because he apparently expects his father to know the
L18 130 answers.
L18 131    |^*'Dad,**' he will suddenly ask, *'Dad, in World War *=I,
L18 132 how many men were there in a combat infantry brigade?**' ^Can it
L18 133 be, father worries, that the Boy is asking because he believes
L18 134 that in World War *=I his father was there?
L18 135    |^The Boy's parents are aware of some of the agonies of
L18 136 adolescent communication. ^His father remembers what it was like
L18 137 coming into a room full of a strange adult and having to offer
L18 138 polite greetings in a voice that kept wobbling and shrilling at
L18 139 critical moments, and with hands and feet only partially under
L18 140 the control of the central nervous system.
L18 141    |^Father and mother both remember the even greater agonies
L18 142 of attempted communication with the opposite sex.
L18 143    |^That's why the Boy's mother was particularly gratified in
L18 144 the shopping centre the other day. ^She was doing the rounds with
L18 145 the Boy loping along beside her, when they were passed by a
L18 146 black-and-tan spaniel being walked by a small and pretty female
L18 147 of the Boy's vintage. ^A *1very *0small and pretty female, with a
L18 148 small turned-up nose and long cast-down eyelashes.
L18 149    |^*'Hello,**' she said to the Boy, which was an event
L18 150 unusual in itself.
L18 151    |^*'G'day,**' said the Boy in return. *'^G'day *- ah
L18 152 Heidi.**'
L18 153    |^The Boy's mother waited till they got home, then she could
L18 154 contain her curiosity no longer.
L18 155    |^*'Is Heidi in your class at school?**' she enquired, as
L18 156 casually as she could manage.
L18 157    |^*'Who??**' asked the Boy, looking at her as if she'd
L18 158 suddenly grown a third head.
L18 159    |^*'Heidi,**' repeated the Boy's mother. *'^The girl you
L18 160 spoke to at the shops.**'
L18 161    |^*'Oh, her,**' said the Boy. *'^No, actually I got a bit
L18 162 mixed up there. ^I \2dunno what her name is. ^Heidi's the name of
L18 163 her dog.**'
L18 164 *<*4The Boy and the Temple of the Grey Toad*>
L18 165 |^*0It's a truism that each generation speaks a language only
L18 166 loosely connected to the language of its foreparents. ^But just
L18 167 how true the truism, and just how loose the connection, the Boy's
L18 168 parents never quite realised till their 14 1/2-year-old joined a
L18 169 Role-Playing Club.
L18 170    |^It should be made clear that the Boy's Role-Playing Club
L18 171 has nothing to do with role-playing as in Shakespeare. ^The Boy's
L18 172 acquaintance with Shakespeare remains at the level where he
L18 173 thinks that *1Lamb's Tales *0is something you make soup from.
L18 174    |^Role-playing for the Boy is a matter of Dungeons and
L18 175 Dragons. ^Or more accurately, since Dungeons and Dragons became
L18 176 passe*?2 and primitive at least two years ago, it's a matter of
L18 177 {0MERP}, {0ICE} and {0SSMM}.
L18 178    |^These initials have nothing to do with internal wind,
L18 179 external cold or shirt size. ^They're acronyms for such arcane
L18 180 activities as Middle Earth Role-Play, International Conspiracy
L18 181 against Elcron, and Stellar Sovereignty of Man over Machine.
L18 182    |^Every Saturday afternoon, the Boy, complete with a stack
L18 183 of notebooks, a bundle of pens and a bag of dice, is delivered to
L18 184 a local school hall by his father. ^As he arrives, he exchanges
L18 185 ritual greetings with other teenage role-players.
L18 186    |Other {0t r-p}: ^G'day. ^Is it Tunnels and Troglodytes
L18 187 t'day?
L18 188    |Boy: ^Nah *- it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
L18 189    |^When he is picked up some four hours later, the Boy
L18 190 exchanges farewells of a similar nature.
L18 191    |Boy: ^How about we do Battle Beasts of Betelgeuse next
L18 192 week?
L18 193    |Other {0t r-p}: ^Yeah. ^Or we could do Aftermath of
L18 194 Armageddon.
L18 195    |^At about this stage, the Boy's father decides that
L18 196 armageddon \2outa here.
L18 197    |^The Boy's father does not pretend to have an extensive
L18 198 understanding of role-playing games. ^But he can offer a few
L18 199 scraps of information.
L18 200    |^Games may be played by any number between 2 and 98. ^They
L18 201 begin with players consulting Official Hand**[ARB**]-books and
L18 202 then drawing up vast lists of data in their notebooks. ^How many
L18 203 atomic batteries will they install on their B67 Dreadnought?
L18 204 ^What is the political climate of the Third Frontier Interrugnum?
L18 205 **[SIC**] ^What is the azimuth bearing of the nearest Scout base
L18 206 to Zebon *=V?
L18 207    |^They choose roles. ^One will be a {0ZKN} Robot Master.
L18 208 ^Another will be a Xurk Mercenary looking to cut in on the
L18 209 inter-galactic used-robot market. ^Another will be a referee and
L18 210 get abused by everyone.
L18 211    |^And then they throw dice. ^Die, sorry; not dice. ^Call
L18 212 them dice in the Role-Playing Club and they take all your mutant
L18 213 turtles away.
L18 214    |^They're amazing die *- quite unlike the six-sided things
L18 215 with dots that the Boy's parents remember using for Snakes and
L18 216 Ladders. ^Role-playing die have four, eight, 10 or 22 sides,
L18 217 which mean that they can get wedged in corners of a bedroom where
L18 218 an orthodox dice could never go.
L18 219    |^As a committed role-player, the Boy is also a committed
L18 220 magazine reader.
L18 221 *#
L19 001 **[492 TEXT L19**]
L19 002 *<*3ANNE KENNEDY*>
L19 003 *<*4An Angel Entertains Theatricals*>
L19 004 *<*1(Acquiring angels)*>
L19 005 |^*0A woman, human, going about the world all in her arms and
L19 006 legs and her trunk and her best head, and everything functioning
L19 007 apart from the little stumps where wings once were, found two
L19 008 angels, one of flesh, the other stone; and she took these angels
L19 009 to her in a manner which might have suggested she would never let
L19 010 them go. ^But perhaps this was truer said of the stone angel.
L19 011 ^And because she was a writer she said, *'^Everything I write for
L19 012 the rest of my life will contain angels**'.
L19 013    |^And it did, but it will not.
L19 014 *<*1(Word made flesh)*>
L19 015    |^*0She once thought there was one writer who had existed in
L19 016 the whole history of the world; that the desire to write was one
L19 017 idea, like any other idea, like the spreading of wings in the
L19 018 presence of a vision, like the touching of skin in the presence
L19 019 of a person; a moment, never to be repeated.
L19 020    |^And how could it be that many people had come to this idea
L19 021 at the same time, come to it quite independently of each other?
L19 022 ^The woman preferred to think that one person wrote once, and
L19 023 that was writing. ^That is writing. ^And perhaps it was she and
L19 024 perhaps it was not. ^Is not.
L19 025    |^And if it is, that is because there are words and flesh
L19 026 and they must be seen to be the same because they are the same;
L19 027 everything is linked, there is nothing that is not linked. ^And
L19 028 there is nothing quite like the contents of her head for making
L19 029 these things the same, for making them into angels, which are,
L19 030 anyway, almost nothing.
L19 031    |^And like nothing they will not go away, and that is at
L19 032 once the greatest paradox and the most annoying thing in this
L19 033 world *- that a thought is nothing but it cannot be destroyed.
L19 034    |^And it is the same with angels.
L19 035 <*1(The afternoon of an angel)*>
L19 036    |^*0He often asked her what she was thinking about, but it
L19 037 was impossible to tell. (^Once he complained that the blurb on
L19 038 the back of a book of women's fiction said, *'^What women are
L19 039 writing *1about**' *0(his italics). ^*'It should say *"^What
L19 040 women are writing,**"**' he said.) ^She said, *'^I am not
L19 041 thinking about anything, I am just thinking.**'
L19 042 *<*1(A declaration of the independence of wings)*>
L19 043    |^*0She was once a member of a choir aloft, this as a child
L19 044 dressed in the cast-off beliefs of her older siblings. ^Later she
L19 045 said she would write of angels for the rest of her life, because
L19 046 someone had to and it had fallen to her, from God, like a
L19 047 vocation; there was no question of choice in these matters, the
L19 048 physical matter of what angels are made of. ^Not that she would
L19 049 write of angels exclusively, but there would always be an angel
L19 050 hovering, like a motto in winged letters, its span of attention
L19 051 across the apex of a building.
L19 052    |^But although she *1said *0this, there did come a time when
L19 053 she let herself be persuaded by certain people (people with an
L19 054 umbilical cord never severed from Heaven (or from the Earth)),
L19 055 and also by the events in her life, the strangenesses in her flat
L19 056 to do with electric lights and their own *1a cord, *0and also the
L19 057 painful beating of wings confined within her soul, attacking it
L19 058 from the inside as if it were her heart; a soul attacked by
L19 059 something approaching angels *- persuaded that angels should not
L19 060 be in her possession, whether stone or flesh. ^And this started
L19 061 her thinking, and she thought, ^How everything is linked!
L19 062    |^And it is; there is nothing that is not linked.
L19 063    |^And like thoughts, they were not easy to put aside, these
L19 064 angels. ^Like the stacking of plastic containers *- the obsessive
L19 065 collection of what will never go away, their everlasting lives in
L19 066 rubbish dumps *- the angels were impossible to dispose of.
L19 067    |^This despite the fact that everyone she knew wanted the
L19 068 stone angel for themself *- even the other angel, the one clothed
L19 069 in human flesh; he wanted it. ^But she found that if she were to
L19 070 part with the angel (stone), on account of the idiosyncrasies it
L19 071 left in its flight-path, the vapours, it could not be to anyone
L19 072 she knew, who would out of the blue give her reports of it, a
L19 073 description of the greenness of the moss growing on its one whole
L19 074 wing.
L19 075    |^Also, they did not want it enough in that they do not now
L19 076 *1have *0it, these dilettantes, their half-souled attempts to
L19 077 possess it no more than a passing fancy for an angel. ^They did
L19 078 not want it as she had wanted it. ^Right from the beginning she
L19 079 had wanted the angel (stone) so much her determination to get it
L19 080 would have known no bounds. ^Nothing would have stood in her way.
L19 081    |^And it did not.
L19 082 *<*1(The angel of the Lord viewed at a sharp tilt)*>
L19 083    |^*0There was one person who did not want the angel and that
L19 084 was the man who had first given it to her. ^Like certain saints
L19 085 he had entered the over-populated order of the recluse, and he
L19 086 existed in the Waitakeres where mists were his intimate friends.
L19 087 ^And even the inhibited presence of an angel *- not speaking,
L19 088 eating, or asking anything of him *- would have been an invasion
L19 089 on a scale of choirs visiting at Christmas together with the
L19 090 thronging crowds of their carols.
L19 091    |^When she first laid eyes on the angel (stone), it was
L19 092 standing at the top of a flight of steps at the top of a steep
L19 093 incline; and it seemed to the woman, ascending towards it, that
L19 094 it was about to fall on her from a 45-degree angle.
L19 095    |(^And a man she had just met had written, *'^*1The angle of
L19 096 your hair will be an education**', *0and another man, who gave
L19 097 her a quotation every time she saw him, said, *'^*1Not Angles but
L19 098 Angels**'.*0)
L19 099    |^And even though it did not fall on her, the angel, there
L19 100 was something of the calamitous, the divine, and also of the
L19 101 familiar about its particular slant. ^It was as if she had known
L19 102 it all her life and she threw out her hands, involuntarily, in a
L19 103 mirror image of its wings.
L19 104    |^And its owner, her friend *- who had taken the angel first
L19 105 from a Devonport cemetery which had been mown into rubble (as if
L19 106 someone had mistaken it for a lawn cemetery) to Grey Lynn, and
L19 107 then to the Waitakeres to mark not a death but the possession of
L19 108 land *- said to her straight away, immediately, with no pause for
L19 109 thought, that she could have it. ^This as if she were a member of
L19 110 the royal family and, according to custom, anything she expressed
L19 111 a liking for must be given her. ^She could have the angel, and
L19 112 take it away with her, that day, back to town.
L19 113    |^And although there was no need to, because of the manner
L19 114 in which it was given, it was the first object she had ever
L19 115 coveted in her life; had wanted more than anything, more than the
L19 116 moment of wanting itself; even that she would have given for it.
L19 117 ^On a scale of wanting, played on a piano pitching between the
L19 118 snowy lowlands and the sharp angles of the black-capped alps, the
L19 119 angel was at the extremity, where the air is thin and things are
L19 120 desired because they are necessities: words, flesh, angels. ^She
L19 121 embodied the angel and all the words in its wake.
L19 122    |^And accordingly she drove it back to town, and walked in
L19 123 on a lunch party thrown by her flatmate on a Sunday (it hitting
L19 124 her between the eyes); and the Party was engaged to move the
L19 125 angel from the boot of the car. ^And mid-air there was some
L19 126 discussion about where it should land, on the terrace or at the
L19 127 bottom of the garden, and the woman was in favour of the terrace
L19 128 where it could be seen from all angles, but her flatmate *- also
L19 129 the owner of the house, the terrace, the garden and all the air
L19 130 above it reaching up into the sky, and also the earth beneath
L19 131 tunnelling through to Spain *- was greatly of the opinion that it
L19 132 should reside at the bottom of the garden, among trees. ^Having
L19 133 proved herself not an ardent fan of the angel (a man), his
L19 134 nocturnal visits, this moving-in of an angel (stone) would
L19 135 perhaps be a constant reminder of his presence; or his actual
L19 136 presence, the object of it.
L19 137    |^And so it was stationed at the bottom of the garden among
L19 138 all lunchtime admirers and was dappled by the sunlight of their
L19 139 various gazes. ^A garland of flowers encircled its inclined head;
L19 140 its gown fell to its bare feet, undisturbed by the wind; its
L19 141 right index finger, held aloft and pointing heavenwards as if to
L19 142 prevent the dead ending up in Spain, was but a flightpath, as the
L19 143 angel had at one time sustained the loss of its lower arm; also
L19 144 the tip of a wing.
L19 145    |^Next morning it was found on its side, felled by the will
L19 146 of the other woman during the night. ^Its gown still hung
L19 147 straight down, demurely, unconcerned by gravity; the embodiment
L19 148 of softness in stone.
L19 149    |^But this object, even though it is stone, substance, of
L19 150 the physical *- it is, after all, an *1angel.
L19 151 *<*1(The wings of a mosquito disturb an angel sleeping)*>
L19 152    |^*0According to the Penny Catechism, which in 1968 was
L19 153 converted to decimal currency along with the sweeping changes the
L19 154 Caretaker Pope had instigated after Vatican *=II, his late-spring
L19 155 cleaning, angels do not sleep, nor do they think, nor do they
L19 156 procreate; they merely sing.
L19 157    |^Once in a tent in the upper North Island, the woman and a
L19 158 man were plagued all night by swarms of mosquitoes *- this after
L19 159 the locusts, the drought, and the floods of tears. ^While she
L19 160 slept fitfully, her face covered with a gin-soaked handkerchief
L19 161 they had earlier thought might deter the insects, he held the
L19 162 naked flame of a candle against one mosquito after another, and
L19 163 watched them explode into choirs of black notes. ^She thought,
L19 164 sleepily, this might be a little cruel to the mosquitoes, and
L19 165 also inflammatory to the covering of her face.
L19 166    |^But towards dawn the mosquitoes went back to where they
L19 167 came from and at last the man and the woman slept in the absence
L19 168 of these wings.
L19 169 *<*1(A chronicle of the dark side of angels)*>
L19 170    |^*0They were once both angels, only he was a white angel
L19 171 and she was a black one, the angel of death visiting like the
L19 172 seventh plague, the plague that came after the mosquitoes; and
L19 173 their various addresses (she knew three people in Auckland whose
L19 174 street number was 4/50, and whereas 666 denotes the devil, 4/50
L19 175 was allied with catastrophe) *- their various addresses were
L19 176 marked with a cross above the door.
L19 177    |^She had seen many deaths in her life, including the deaths
L19 178 of those still living *- to all intents and purposes they were
L19 179 alive, but to intent and to purpose, dead. ^And he had seen only
L19 180 birth, and he was white and she was black.
L19 181    |^(A fortune-teller once gazing at the flattened city in the
L19 182 palm of her hand said her childhood had been like the Great Fire,
L19 183 and she had done cartwheels through this fire, which was how she
L19 184 had emerged only singed, blackened).
L19 185    |^The first catastrophe in the presence of the angel
L19 186 (stone), corresponding with the first time she wrote of angels
L19 187 (*'...*1thinking they were angels and dressing them accordingly
L19 188 in winged gowns**'*0), was that the moment it arrived at the
L19 189 little house she shared with another woman, the physical make-up
L19 190 of the house, its atomic structure, suddenly became impossible
L19 191 and it exploded, blowing the woman sky-high. ^And she landed in
L19 192 the flat (4/50) of the angel (a man), and he watched over her, a
L19 193 Guardian newspaper wrapped about her body on a parkbench, while
L19 194 she slept off some sleep she had swallowed, and in the middle of
L19 195 the next afternoon he said, *'^I know of a flat**' *- that
L19 196 recently vacated by his (religious) sister *- and the woman moved
L19 197 into the flat (4/50), leaving the angel (stone) lying on its side
L19 198 in the dark recesses of the garden of the devastated house.
L19 199 *#
L20 001 **[493 TEXT L20**]
L20 002 *<*6FRANCES CHERRY*>
L20 003 *<*5Waiting for Jim*>
L20 004 |^*0You stand, heels digging into the shag-pile and stare at the
L20 005 door. ^You would recognise the gouges, scratches, fingerprints
L20 006 ten years from now. ^Your eye travels along the skirting-board
L20 007 looking for other familiar things. ^You wonder if you could write
L20 008 them down from memory. ^Then you realise you've forgotten. ^It
L20 009 can be done. ^How amazing.
L20 010 *|^Jim has closed the front door and is swaying and bumping down
L20 011 the hallway. ^You take a breath and move back. ^Loosen fists to
L20 012 hands. ^Let them go. ^Limp Limp...
L20 013    |^He peeps round the door. *'^Sorry-I'm-late.
L20 014 ^Something-came-up...**' ^He enunciates every word with care.
L20 015    |*'^Don't worry. ^They're not having dinner till eight.**'
L20 016    |^There is a silence while he stands there. ^Staring.
L20 017    |^You begin to feel more confident. *'^I've put the sauna on
L20 018 for you. ^Thought it might relax you. ^After such a long
L20 019 day...**'
L20 020    |*'^Oh... ^Thanks, love,**' he says, as if he can't quite
L20 021 believe it.
L20 022    |*'^Come and sit down. ^I'll get you a drink.**' ^You feel
L20 023 the swish of your skirt against your thigh as you walk to the
L20 024 drink cabinet. ^Not often you wear decent, going-out clothes.
L20 025 ^You remember that time when you were a schoolgirl in uniform
L20 026 going home on the tram. ^Later, by coincidence, you caught the
L20 027 same tram back to town but this time dressed in good clothes,
L20 028 going-to-town-on-a-Friday-night-clothes. ^Feeling as different
L20 029 from that irresponsible schoolgirl as could be. ^*1And *0the
L20 030 conductor didn't recognise you. ^Funny how you've never forgotten
L20 031 that occasion.
L20 032    |*'^Ice?**' ^You open the already prepared ice-bucket.
L20 033    |^*'What's all this for?**' he says, taking the glass when
L20 034 you hand it to him.
L20 035    |^*'Well, as I said,**' you turn to pour yourself a gin and
L20 036 tonic (and so he won't see the insincerity in your face),
L20 037 *'you've had a long, hard day... ^Not everyone has to work such
L20 038 long hours as you...**' ^Watch the sarcasm *- it'll be the
L20 039 downfall of you. ^You swing round and smile and sit in the chair
L20 040 beside him. *'^We're going out to dinner. ^Nice to have a drink
L20 041 before we go. ^Relaxing... do you like my new skirt?**'
L20 042    |*'^Yeah... ^Yeah...**' ^He sips at his drink. ^Well, it's
L20 043 hard not to in this environment with a nice tall crystal glass in
L20 044 his hand. ^He does it well. ^Good at shaking his glass so that
L20 045 the ice clinks against the sides. ^A pretty sound. ^You don't
L20 046 mind it.
L20 047    |^There is a long silence and then he says, *'^Where're the
L20 048 kids?**'
L20 049    |^You clench your fists and stare at him for a moment. ^Why
L20 050 does he never listen? *'^I told you.**' ^And the little voice
L20 051 inside you says, keep calm, don't do anything wrong now, it's
L20 052 going to be all right. *'^They're at Mum's.**'
L20 053    |*'^Oh yeah...**'
L20 054    |*'^How was work?**'
L20 055    |*'^Think we've got that contract sewn up with old
L20 056 Withers.**'
L20 057    |*'^Have you noticed the flowers? ^They're out of our
L20 058 garden.**'
L20 059    |^He looks up, feigning interest. *'^Great.**'
L20 060    |^How nice he is. ^How polite. ^You should do this all the
L20 061 time. ^It would save so much trouble... ^If you were nice to
L20 062 him... ^All the time... ^When he came home with all his excuses
L20 063 and lies... ^To think that you could ever have been afraid, felt
L20 064 that steel band tighten around your chest. ^Why don't you be
L20 065 nice? ^Go along with him. ^It seems so easy *- as long as you
L20 066 keep the anger down. ^Way down. ^Further down. ^Till it almost
L20 067 comes out of your feet...
L20 068    |^You stretch your leg out and look at your elegant nyloned
L20 069 foot in the pointed high-heeled shoes. ^You should have been like
L20 070 this so long ago. ^You've known. ^Who cares about him? ^Why let
L20 071 him affect you? ^Spoil your life? ^You can run your own life.
L20 072 ^Completely.
L20 073    |^You look across at him and see he has finished his drink.
L20 074 ^You jump to your feet, swoop the glass out of his hand. *'^Have
L20 075 another.**'
L20 076    |*'^Thanks love.**'
L20 077    |^He'll be nicely done.
L20 078    |^You help him strip his clothes off. ^Arms behind his ears
L20 079 like a child. ^Go in with him, pour more oil on the hot rocks.
L20 080 ^He sits there staring into space, towel wrapped around him to
L20 081 soak up all the juices...
L20 082    |^You close the door and stand for a moment. ^This is the
L20 083 bit where you have to think of the children and yourself. ^No
L20 084 more tension and fear. ^That's all there is about it. ^You reach
L20 085 up and push the bolt into the socket and walk into the bedroom.
L20 086    |^There's your face in the big round mirror. ^Does it look
L20 087 the same, or does it have a wide-eyed look of fear? ^You practise
L20 088 smiles... ^Hello Leonie, hope I'm not late...
L20 089 *|*'^Hello Leonie, hope I'm not late.**'
L20 090    |*'^Joanna! ^Of course not. ^Where's Jim?**'
L20 091    |*'^Oh-ah. ^He was late home so I decided to come ahead of
L20 092 him.**'
L20 093    |*'^Good on you.**'
L20 094    |*'^Actually, he was a bit under the weather...**'
L20 095    |*'^You mean, had a few too many?**'
L20 096    |*'^More than few.**' ^You walk with Leonie down the
L20 097 hallway.
L20 098    |*'^Oh Joanna, I'm so sorry. ^You must be quite upset.**'
L20 099    |*'^Oh, I don't know,**' you feel yourself sigh. *'^He does
L20 100 it all the time. ^I'm used to it.**'
L20 101    |^*'Still,**' Leonie says, going ahead into the bedroom and
L20 102 showing you the white brocade bedspread covered with coats, *'I'm
L20 103 sure you must be.**'
L20 104    |^You take your coat off and lay it with the others. ^Then
L20 105 take a comb out of your bag and do your hair, studying your face
L20 106 in the mirror, and Leonie behind you.
L20 107    |^*'You are looking nice,**' Leonie says.
L20 108    |*'^Oh *- I bought this ages ago.**' ^You smile at her
L20 109 twisted mirror face.
L20 110    |*'^It's lovely.**' ^Leonie stares at you for a moment and
L20 111 then rushes towards you and crushes you to her sweet-smelling
L20 112 bosom, pats your back. *'^I do understand. ^My first husband was
L20 113 an alcoholic.**'
L20 114    |^You are astounded. *'^Really? ^I didn't know you'd been
L20 115 married before.**'
L20 116    |*'^For seven years. ^The children aren't Ralph's, you
L20 117 know.**' ^She smiles.
L20 118    |*'^Oh *- I *- had *- no idea *- ^He's very good with
L20 119 them...**'
L20 120    |*'^He's wonderful. ^So there's hope for you yet.**'
L20 121    |^You decide not to say anything. ^You put your comb back in
L20 122 your bag and smile.
L20 123    |*'^Come and have a drink and meet the others,**' Leonie
L20 124 says.
L20 125 *|They stand and sit in various parts of the big room. ^You feel
L20 126 suddenly afraid and can't think of a thing to say to anyone. ^You
L20 127 keep your eyes on Leonie's back as she walks up to Ralph and asks
L20 128 him to give you a drink.
L20 129    |^*'What'll you have, Joanna?**' Ralph says.
L20 130    |*'^A gin and tonic, thanks.**' ^He is such a nice sensible
L20 131 man. ^Good-looking, too. ^If only Jim was like that. ^But then,
L20 132 you don't have to worry about Jim anymore. ^Can you believe it?
L20 133    |^*'Where's that husband of yours?**' Ralph says, as he
L20 134 turns back with the drink.
L20 135    |*'^Oh, I came ahead. ^He was late home.**' ^You turn to the
L20 136 room, look round for a corner to stand in. ^Until you've got your
L20 137 bearings and feel you can talk to someone. ^You know that in a
L20 138 minute, as soon as she sees you are alone, Leonie will come and
L20 139 introduce you to people. ^You would like to be invisible so you
L20 140 can watch them, listen to them. ^People are so interesting. ^You
L20 141 look at the pictures on the walls. ^Good prints. ^Nothing
L20 142 original. ^You'd like to have some original paintings. ^Money in
L20 143 them, too. ^He should have known that. ^Good one for making
L20 144 money.
L20 145    |^There are flowers on the sideboard. ^Freshly picked today,
L20 146 do you think? ^Or would she have bought them? ^You turn to the
L20 147 window and look at the garden. ^There are shrubs there but no
L20 148 flowers that you can see. ^Of course there could be some in the
L20 149 back garden. ^Should you go to the kitchen, look through the
L20 150 window or go to the back door and see? ^Before it gets dark? ^Can
L20 151 you leave the room without attention?
L20 152    |^*'Come and meet some people,**' Leonie says, holding her
L20 153 hand out. ^Are you supposed to take it? ^You smile and don't lift
L20 154 your hand to hers.
L20 155    |*'^Monica, this is Joanna, we're on the {0P.T.A.} together.
L20 156 ^Her husband runs Odman's building and trucking business.**'
L20 157    |^That's something they'll have to stop saying. ^*'Hello,**'
L20 158 you say, *'what does your husband do?**' ^May as well say that.
L20 159 ^After all women are only what their husbands are. ^See how she
L20 160 likes it. ^See how they all like it.
L20 161    |*'^Oh, he's a teacher. ^That's him over there.**'
L20 162    |^*'My husband should be along soon,**' you say. ^As if
L20 163 you're nothing without him. *'^He had to work late.**'
L20 164    |*'^I s'pose he's quite busy? ^In a job like that?**'
L20 165    |^Is she being nice? *'^He's home late every night.**'
L20 166    |*'^At least I don't have that complaint.**'
L20 167    |^What complaint do you have, you wonder.
L20 168    |^*'Excuse me,**' Leonie calls. *'^Would you like to come
L20 169 through now?**'
L20 170 *|^There are little cards on the table with everyone's name on.
L20 171 ^You are to sit next to an older man with white hair, and on the
L20 172 other side an empty chair.
L20 173    |^*'I hope you don't mind us starting before Jim gets
L20 174 here?**' Leonie says.
L20 175    |^*'No, no, that's okay,**' you say. *'^Shall I ring him?
L20 176 ^Maybe he's fallen asleep?**'
L20 177    |^*'I will,**' Leonie says. *'^You stay there.**'
L20 178    |^*'Who's s'posed to be sitting here?**' a girl across the
L20 179 chair says.
L20 180    |*'^My husband. ^He had to work late.**'
L20 181    |*'^What a shame. ^He's missing a lovely meal.**'
L20 182    |*'^Yes.**'
L20 183    |^Leonie comes back. *'^He must be on his way. ^There was no
L20 184 answer.**'
L20 185    |^*'Oh that's good,**' you say, and almost believe he's
L20 186 coming.
L20 187 *|^You concentrate on your fish cocktail so no one will talk to
L20 188 you and have a little inside talk with yourself. ^You are feeling
L20 189 quite calm, quite together. ^And you don't regret a thing. ^It'll
L20 190 take time before you can get used to social occasions like this.
L20 191 ^They were your thing, so there's no reason why they can't be
L20 192 again. ^Once there's only yourself to think about. ^Don't have to
L20 193 worry about him. ^For instance if he was here now what would he
L20 194 do? ^You lift up your eyes and look around the table. ^He'd be
L20 195 holding forth so that no one else could get a word in. ^Probably
L20 196 put his hand on the knee of the girl next to him. ^Begin to spill
L20 197 his drink as the evening wears on and then start to put you down.
L20 198 ^Jokes jokes. ^Terrible jokes that no one thinks are funny,
L20 199 except him. ^Nothing will stop him. ^No matter what you say.
L20 200 ^Even when you get quite clever and throw them back at him.
L20 201    |^*'Hey,**' Ralph calls across the table. *'^'Bout time your
L20 202 old man was here.**'
L20 203    |*'^I think he's on his way.**'
L20 204    |^*'He's taking quite a while,**' Leonie says. *'^Shall I
L20 205 ring again?**'
L20 206    |*'^It's all right, I will.**' ^You push your chair back and
L20 207 walk carefully out of the room.
L20 208 *|^In the hallway with the door closed it's reasonably quiet.
L20 209 ^You lift the receiver, dial the number and wait. ^And then
L20 210 suddenly your heart begins to beat faster. ^What say he does
L20 211 answer? ^But the phone goes on and on ringing.
L20 212    |^You put the receiver down and go into the bathroom. ^It is
L20 213 still the same face in the mirror. ^Small and smooth. ^You splash
L20 214 a little water on and dab it with a towel.
L20 215 *<*6THE FAMILY UNIT AS A SMALL DOMESTIC BUSINESS*>
L20 216    |^*0Unwittingly, Treasury has unleashed a sledge-hammer
L20 217 force for social change with its new *"User Pays**" philosophy.
L20 218 ^If this philosophy moves out of the market-place and into the
L20 219 home, *"User Pays**" above atheism, homosexuality and *"The Last
L20 220 Tango in Paris**" will become the single biggest threat to the
L20 221 stability of the family unit.
L20 222    |^A couple will set up house together in the belief that two
L20 223 can live as cheaply as one. ^In effect they will become business
L20 224 partners, and their efforts to find premises for their small
L20 225 business will entail renting or buying a suitable property. ^Both
L20 226 partners will own (or rent) exactly half of these premises, and
L20 227 will undertake to provide exactly half of all appliances,
L20 228 furnishings, electricity and maintenance required for the
L20 229 operation of their Small Domestic Businesses ({0S.D.B}'s).
L20 230 *#
L21 001 **[494 TEXT L21**]
L21 002 *<*3GRAEME LAY*>
L21 003 *<*4The Major*>
L21 004 |^*0If proof was ever required of the aging of the Northern
L21 005 Literary Society, society secretary Richard Treadwell thought
L21 006 ruefully, then one need look no further than Major Vikkers.
L21 007 ^Richard was standing listening to the Major at the society's
L21 008 December evening, and watching a runnel of red wine following a
L21 009 crease in the side of the old man's chin. ^Unaware of the
L21 010 spillage, the Major continued with his anecdote while the wine
L21 011 ran on down, dripped from his chin and splattered against the
L21 012 dark blue lapel of his regimental jacket. ^Major Vikkers was
L21 013 short and heavy chested, with large dark jowls and no neck.
L21 014 ^Richard was struck by his resemblance to a dark-haired cavy.
L21 015 ^With some difficulty, he refocussed his attention on what the
L21 016 elderly writer was saying.
L21 017    |*'^I had the sun in my eyes you see, so I didn't see it
L21 018 coming until it was too late. ^I pulled my head aside at the very
L21 019 last second, but it got me on the shoulder, just here...**' ^He
L21 020 tapped his left collarbone, causing wine to slop from his glass
L21 021 onto the common room carpet. *'^The pain was bad, very bad, but I
L21 022 got up and stood my ground, because I was 2 {0I-C} that day, and
L21 023 a leader always puts the interests of his men first, *2RIGHT?**'
L21 024    |^*0He thrust his floppy face upwards, towards Richard's.
L21 025 ^He had a pair of very neat moustaches, which appeared to stick
L21 026 to his upper lip like a couple of cicadas on a branch.
L21 027    |*'^Ah, yes, yes of course Major.**' ^Richard jolted his
L21 028 mind back to the Major's tale. *'^Where was this again? ^El
L21 029 Alamein?**' ^The old man looked bewildered.
L21 030    |*'^El Alamein? ^No, no, good gracious no. ^Cornwall Park.
L21 031 ^Varsity versus Grafton, 1948. ^I was batting at number 6. ^I was
L21 032 on 42 when I was struck. ^No, no, I tell a lie, I was on 32,
L21 033 because I went on to make...**'
L21 034    |^Richard's eyes gradually unglazed as he moved the focus of
L21 035 his attention from the Major's clavicle to the other members of
L21 036 the Northern Literary Society. ^It was their bi-monthly social
L21 037 evening, held in the common room of the faculty of which Richard
L21 038 was a staff member. ^Tonight there were about 20 people present,
L21 039 and Richard calculated that their median age must have been over
L21 040 70 years. ^And there was no denying that they were becoming
L21 041 decidedly decrepit. ^Most could no longer drive themselves,
L21 042 nearly all were hard of hearing, some found it difficult to
L21 043 recall the titles of the very books which qualified them for
L21 044 membership of the society. ^Richard could see white-haired Una
L21 045 Braid straining to catch the words of a ranting \0J. Arthur
L21 046 Windward, the historian, whilst beside them, bent as an angle
L21 047 bracket, the poet Euan Hunter appeared to have fallen asleep on
L21 048 his feet. ^Yet all, in their day, had published distinguished
L21 049 books. ^The Major had the distinction of having fought in both
L21 050 world wars, and had nearly completed the fourth volume of his
L21 051 life story. ^The third, *1The Darkening Sky, *0ended just as
L21 052 World War *=II broke out. ^All were self-published (*'^I like to
L21 053 see the whole thing through myself, m'boy**'). ^Major Vikkers
L21 054 never missed a society meeting. ^He had even applied for, and
L21 055 obtained, special associate membership for his old batman, Clive,
L21 056 who still accompanied him everywhere, and who was this evening
L21 057 hovering at his elbow, ready to refill his glass. ^Having at last
L21 058 reached the end of his cricket anecdote, the Major immediately
L21 059 began another, this time connected with the desert campaign.
L21 060 *'^Only decent place to fight a war, Richard. ^No civilian
L21 061 casualties, y'see.**' ^Why, Richard wondered, did the elderly
L21 062 become so garrulous? ^Why did they lose the ability to listen, as
L21 063 well as to hear? ^He cast another glance over the grey and infirm
L21 064 figures in the room. ^And where were the young writers whose
L21 065 literary sap flowed so strongly? ^*2WHERE ARE THE SONGS OF
L21 066 SPRING? ^AH, WHERE ARE THEY? ^*0Their work was on bookshelves,
L21 067 and in the magazines, but where were the authors? ^Socially they
L21 068 were invisible, apparently preferring to operate from small,
L21 069 subversive cells, shunning most established and orthodox bodies
L21 070 such as the Northern Literary Society. ^Not that Richard hadn't
L21 071 tried to rejuvenate the society by inviting these younger writers
L21 072 along. ^Last year he had approached a selection of his prettier
L21 073 students, both male and female, whom he knew were interested in
L21 074 the literary arts, and invited them to a society evening. ^It had
L21 075 been a less than successful experiment. ^The elderly members,
L21 076 perhaps in an attempt to deflect attention from their advanced
L21 077 age, had been more loquacious than ever, and in an attempt to
L21 078 keep up with their young guests' tippling, several had become
L21 079 extremely intoxicated. ^\0J. Arthur Windward had pursued an
L21 080 18-year-old into the women's toilet and, as she later put it to
L21 081 Richard, *'sexually harassed me**'. ^When Richard remonstrated
L21 082 with the old man on her behalf, the one-legged historian's
L21 083 indignation surpassed hers. *'^\2Gels these days have got *2NO
L21 084 SENSE OF FUN.**' ^*0Euan Hunter had wandered into a seminar room,
L21 085 fallen asleep, and had woken at three in the morning to find
L21 086 himself locked in the building. ^After he managed to find a phone
L21 087 and rang Richard, it took him another hour to rouse an angry
L21 088 janitor and free the old man. ^On another occasion Richard had
L21 089 sought to invigorate the society by sending an invitation to the
L21 090 post-modernists, via their ayatollah, Murray Fudge. ^To Richard's
L21 091 surprise, a sizeable group of them had actually come, but they
L21 092 stood round in a laager, sniggering at the members like infants
L21 093 in a school playground, and drinking heavily. ^Then, half way
L21 094 through the evening, they burst out of their circle. ^Robert
L21 095 Hooley had pressurised members into buying copies of his latest
L21 096 and least comprehensible publication, Ivan Wetty accused \0J.
L21 097 Arthur Windward of anti-intellectualism, Una Braid, *2IN VINO
L21 098 VERITAS, *0asked Winston Turnov why his poems were set out in
L21 099 *'such a strange way**', Major Vikkers almost suffered a coronary
L21 100 after being called a warmonger by Michael Givnitz, and in the
L21 101 resulting atmosphere of mutual suspicion and hostility, Murray
L21 102 Fudge stole two salamis on the way out.
L21 103    |^After that evening, Richard had seriously considered
L21 104 resignation, feeling that it was time that he stepped down in
L21 105 favour of an older member. ^But when he confessed as much over
L21 106 the dish**[ARB**]-washing, an alarmed Una Braid placed a
L21 107 trembling hand on his arm and said, *'^But you can't, you
L21 108 *2MUSTN'T, *0you're our youngest member. ^That was two years ago,
L21 109 when Richard was 58. ^He had seen then, in Una's startled look,
L21 110 knowledge of the certainty of death, and the need to somehow
L21 111 stave it off, no matter how irrationally. ^So he had agreed to
L21 112 retain his position, but he was left with the disturbing thought,
L21 113 heavily reinforced by the gathering at which he was now present,
L21 114 that only continuing decay and wholesale death would rid the
L21 115 society of its afflictions. ^Almost as he thought this, and tried
L21 116 to put the tasteless truth out of his mind, he saw Euan Hunter
L21 117 lurch off balance, and he rushed forward to grasp his arm. ^The
L21 118 old man had gone to sleep on his feet.
L21 119    |^It was mid-January, a month before the first society
L21 120 evening of the new year, that Richard received a notice from
L21 121 Puffball Publishers, advising that the prominent Australian
L21 122 novelist Barry Bagshot would be visiting the city in four weeks
L21 123 time. ^Bagshot was described as *'a witty and erudite speaker**',
L21 124 *'a highly respected literary personality**' and most
L21 125 interestingly, from Richard's viewpoint, he appeared from his
L21 126 publicity photographs to be both handsome and youthful. ^Although
L21 127 Richard had tried the tactic of visiting overseas speakers
L21 128 before, with no great measure of success, there was something
L21 129 about Bagshot's appearance and career (*'his novels have been
L21 130 both commercially and critically successful**') which suggested
L21 131 that it would be worth trying again to use the lure of an
L21 132 international visitor to draw the younger literati out and
L21 133 perhaps into the Northern Literary Society. ^He dispatched an
L21 134 invitation to the writer, via Puffball Publishers, to attend a
L21 135 special social evening in February, in his honour. ^Bagshot's
L21 136 reply was swift and courteous. ^Yes, he would be pleased to
L21 137 attend, and read to the society from his new novel. ^Richard's
L21 138 hopes were renewed: everything about Bagshot's letter confirmed
L21 139 his advance publicity and suggested that he could indeed be the
L21 140 nostrum that the society so desperately needed. ^Richard had an
L21 141 art lecturer friend draw up posters, which he placed at strategic
L21 142 points of the campus, as well as sending out the usual
L21 143 invitations to society members. ^Two days later he received a
L21 144 phone call from Major Vikkers.
L21 145    |*'^Bagshot. ^Can't say I've heard of him.**'
L21 146    |^And I'm even more certain, Richard thought, that he won't
L21 147 have heard of you, Major. ^But he said,
L21 148    |*'^He's very highly regarded.**'
L21 149    |*'^Young?**'
L21 150    |*'^Early 40s.**'
L21 151    |*'^Young. ^Well I'll be delighted to come, m'boy. ^I'll
L21 152 bring Clive, he doesn't get out much these days.**'
L21 153    |*'^Right. ^We'll expect you both at 7.30.**'
L21 154    |^But Richard found himself wishing, as the date of the
L21 155 evening approached, that the Major would somehow not be able to
L21 156 make it. ^The thought made Richard guilty, but it was
L21 157 nevertheless a fact that the Major had embarrassed him on more
L21 158 than one occasion by his habit of bursting out in public speech,
L21 159 in a passionate but disjointed manner, on any formal occurrence.
L21 160 ^The Major's prolixity had threatened several society functions,
L21 161 and yet Richard also knew that there was nothing he could do to
L21 162 stop the old man attending. ^Neither was it likely that he would
L21 163 change his mind and not come. ^The only evening he had missed in
L21 164 Richard's 20 years as secretary was once in 1987 when he had rung
L21 165 to apologise for not being able to make it. ^*'My back,**' he had
L21 166 explained tersely. *'^Came off my 10-speed. ^Got caught in the
L21 167 railway lines in Quay Street. ^Writing to the council about
L21 168 it.**' ^The Major was then 89. ^Six months later, he was back and
L21 169 booming again. ^But as the date for the planned evening came
L21 170 closer, other apprehensions replaced the Major in Richard's mind,
L21 171 and he lay sleepless, night after night, recalling other society
L21 172 evenings, and past guests, with vivid and disturbing clarity.
L21 173 ^There had been the Scots monster Alex McSweeney, who had talked
L21 174 of nothing but his own brilliance for two and a half hours, the
L21 175 Californian novelist Oliver Rock, who when he arrived was clearly
L21 176 under the influence of an illegal substance, and had compounded
L21 177 his problem with a colossal intake of red wine. ^His talk had
L21 178 made sense only to himself. ^And there had been the Fijian-Indian
L21 179 poet Ram Banal, who had failed to turn up at all, writing later
L21 180 to say that he had been overcome by jet lag after his flight from
L21 181 Nadi. ^News that the African short story writer Umbilical Tombolo
L21 182 would read his own work drew a particularly large crowd, but too
L21 183 late Richard discovered that he read only in Swahili, as a
L21 184 protest against English being, as he put it, *'the language of
L21 185 oppression**'. ^No, the presence of a celebratory guest was
L21 186 anything but a guarantee of success. ^Richard got out of bed,
L21 187 poured himself a large cognac and wished again, as he sipped it,
L21 188 that he had not brought this latest problem upon himself.
L21 189 ^Dammit, at the end of this year he *2WOULD *0resign.
L21 190    |^Bagshot was not as good as his publicity claimed. ^He was
L21 191 better. ^Not only was he punctual, courteous and affable, he had
L21 192 even taken the trouble to seek out and purchase a copy of
L21 193 Richard's latest volume of verse, *1Echoes of a Distant Mind,
L21 194 *0said how much he had enjoyed reading the poems, and without a
L21 195 hint of condescension, asked Richard to inscribe the little book
L21 196 for him. ^Richard warmed to him immediately. ^And he noted that
L21 197 of the people now beginning to stream into the common room, an
L21 198 unusually large number were under the age of forty.
L21 199 *#
L22 001 **[495 TEXT L22**]
L22 002    |^*'*0Yep, I found her,**' Sandie Mae responded. *'^No
L22 003 offence Chris, but reckon I'll be glad when we're out of this
L22 004 \2ole city and away from dairies. ^Things like this can be mighty
L22 005 worrying. ^My hair'll be grey \2afore I'm thirty. ^Yessir, we
L22 006 \2gotta move on soon.**' ^Chris said nothing. ^Silently though,
L22 007 she echoed Sandie Mae's sentiments.
L22 008 *<*411*>
L22 009 |^*0Next day was Sunday. ^As usual, the neighbours at the back of
L22 010 her section had a Saturday-night party. ^Chris slept through it.
L22 011 ^Either they were quieter than usual or she was too tired for it
L22 012 to make a difference.
L22 013    |^Sunday was the one day of the week she could sleep in.
L22 014    |^She woke with a start, dreaming she heard outside her
L22 015 window the ahack-ahack ahoo-*2HAWK! *0cough that signalled Dunc's
L22 016 arrival on the job. ^If he's here it's Monday morning, she
L22 017 thought panicking. ^I'm late! ^As consciousness fully returned
L22 018 she calmed. ^It was only Sunday after all. ^And barely 7 {0am}.
L22 019    |^For ten minutes she lay without moving. ^The weekend work
L22 020 she had no time to do yesterday ran through her mind: clothes and
L22 021 sheets to be washed; school clothes to be ironed; kitchen and
L22 022 bathroom floors to be mopped; vacuuming and dusting. ^All fitted
L22 023 around three meals for seven people. ^She lay there, postponing
L22 024 the moment she must get out of bed and let the day begin.
L22 025    |^The phone rang.
L22 026    |^Only one person would ring at that hour. ^She threw back
L22 027 her covers and padded out to the hall.
L22 028    |*'^Hello Dad.**'
L22 029    |^*'How did you know it was me?**' asked Erich, surprised.
L22 030    |*'^Toll rates go up at 8 {0am}. ^Is something wrong?**'
L22 031    |*'^No, I'm fine. ^I just wondered how you are. ^Getting
L22 032 anyone into that flat?**'
L22 033    |*'^We've got several someones already.**' ^She explained
L22 034 what had happened since last Sunday.
L22 035    |*'^How's it working out?**'
L22 036    |*'^It's good for Karl to meet his sisters. ^They're just
L22 037 staying temporarily though, till they save enough money to move
L22 038 to the country. ^Then we'll be back on our own.**'
L22 039    |*'^Ah.**'
L22 040    |*'^Dad, I wish you would consider coming down. ^Even if
L22 041 only for the odd weekend. ^For Karl's sake.**' ^Chris's voice
L22 042 became urgent. *'^It's all wrong, him growing up with no father,
L22 043 no male role figure of any sort.**'
L22 044    |^*'He's no worse off than half the kids these days.
L22 045 ^There's worse things he could suffer,**' Erich said darkly.
L22 046 *'^At least he's not made to feel different, like I was as a kid.
L22 047 ^Your grandparents were interned as enemy aliens during the First
L22 048 World War, not long after I was born. ^That's where I spent my
L22 049 early childhood. ^In an internment camp.'
L22 050    |^*'You always said you remember nothing about it!**'
L22 051 exclaimed Chris.
L22 052    |^*'Well, not on the conscious level,**' Erich admitted.
L22 053 *'^But they say these things affect you subconsciously. ^I reckon
L22 054 they're right. ^I remember starting school all right. ^That was
L22 055 no fun *- straight after the bloody war and me with a name like
L22 056 Erich Hoffman. ^The other kids gave me hell. ^I had to fight the
L22 057 damn war over and over in the playground for months. ^And me only
L22 058 six. ^I never understood why your grandparents didn't call me
L22 059 Peter or Martin or Richard or some other name spelt the same in
L22 060 both languages. ^But no, it had to be Erich with an h.
L22 061 ^Incidentally, why did you call the boy Karl? ^You're just asking
L22 062 for trouble.**'
L22 063    |^*'It's your middle name. ^And these days it's
L22 064 fashionable,**' Chris said patiently. *'^Even Bob liked it.**'
L22 065    |^*'That may be so,**' sniffed Erich. *'^Fashions change
L22 066 though.**'
L22 067    |^*'Well I like it. ^And Karl himself has never complained.
L22 068 ^Anyway,**' went on Chris daringly, *'if you feel that way, why
L22 069 did you name me Cristel?**' ^She had never before offered this
L22 070 criticism to her father. ^But Erich took it well.
L22 071    |*'^Nothing to do with me. ^Your mother wanted something
L22 072 unusual, and Cristel was a family name on her side if you go
L22 073 back. ^I fancied Eileen myself. ^You never got teased, did
L22 074 you?**'
L22 075    |^*'No,**' said Chris after a slight pause.
L22 076    |*'^There you are then. ^It's always different for girls.
L22 077 ^You had a happy childhood, you know.**'
L22 078    |*'^Yes Dad.**'
L22 079    |*'^Your mother and I stinted you nothing important, not
L22 080 even after The Accident. ^Different from when I was young. ^I had
L22 081 to walk three miles to school. ^Then three miles home again. ^No
L22 082 shoes *- I walked barefoot in winter frost. ^That was *1before
L22 083 *0the Depression. ^And up at five every morning to help milk
L22 084 forty cows before breakfast. ^Don't get me wrong here. ^My
L22 085 generation doesn't begrudge you lot having had an easier time
L22 086 when you were kids. ^We wanted you to have it and by crikey we
L22 087 made sure you did. ^What worries me is you baby boomers don't
L22 088 seem to realise how lucky you are.**'
L22 089    |*'^I do realise, Dad.**'
L22 090    |*'^I wonder if you do. ^Spock kids, brought up believing
L22 091 the world owes you a living. ^How the experts conned us. ^No
L22 092 wonder the world's a mess. ^I'm not at all impressed by these
L22 093 me-generation types running the show now...**'
L22 094    |^He's away, thought Chris wryly. ^Her father's strictures
L22 095 on the state of the nation were always particularly blistering
L22 096 when he was hung over. ^Idly she wondered how many bottles of the
L22 097 hard stuff he and those appalling old drinking mates had consumed
L22 098 the night before.
L22 099    |^*'You're not listening,**' Erich suddenly broke off to
L22 100 accuse.
L22 101    |*'^Yes I am, Dad. ^You were saying it was a pity Sir Joh
L22 102 Bjelke-Petersen went to Queensland instead of staying here where
L22 103 he was needed.**' ^Chris spoke in a calming tone.
L22 104    |*'^Do you agree?**'
L22 105    |*'^Well *-**'
L22 106    |^*'He'd be better than the booze artists we put up with
L22 107 nowadays,**' Erich said with the righteousness of a teetotaller.
L22 108 *'^And the commos, stickmen, gluttons, streetkids, whingers,
L22 109 activists and other general bludgers who couldn't do an honest
L22 110 day's work if they tried. ^Which they don't. ^The trouble with
L22 111 this country is, we've too many paper shufflers and not enough
L22 112 buggers who actually work.**'
L22 113    |*'^Yes Dad.**'
L22 114    |*'^That \0Dr Spock has a lot to answer for. ^I saw in the
L22 115 papers he still goes out on demonstrations. ^At his age! ^I've
L22 116 heard of old fools in their second childhood, but he's the first
L22 117 I know of who's having a second teenagerhood. ^Monkey-gland
L22 118 transplants gone haywire I suppose. ^Do you know?**'
L22 119    |*'^I've never heard of anyone having monkey-gland
L22 120 transplants, Dad. ^Where did you?**'
L22 121    |^*'They're transplanting everything these days,**' Erich
L22 122 asserted. *'^Well dear, I didn't ring you to talk about Spock
L22 123 children running the country into the ground during their
L22 124 extended first childhoods, or old ratbags who should know better
L22 125 acting the goat in their second. ^I just wanted to ask how you
L22 126 are. ^Listen now. ^If you're wise, when these people of Bob's go
L22 127 you'll get in a nice quiet religious outfit as tenants. ^No
L22 128 smoking, no drinking. ^No silly nonsense. ^And automatic bank
L22 129 payments of the rent. ^You listen to your old father.**'
L22 130 *|^I don't know why Dad's taken lately to moaning about his
L22 131 childhood, Chris thought, going to the laundry. ^She would start
L22 132 some washing before getting breakfast. ^Okay, some parts of his
L22 133 youth were bad, but everyone has those. ^I even had one or two
L22 134 myself. ^He always gets so defensive if I mention I didn't really
L22 135 enjoy those family Christmases in Taranaki...
L22 136    |^She was the tallest for her age of all the young cousins.
L22 137 ^Taller even than the boys. ^*'Isn't Cristel tall!**' the aunties
L22 138 would exclaim when they saw her with say Russell Shernlow, who
L22 139 was two years older and three inches shorter.
L22 140    |^When cousin Russell took a passing interest in dinosaurs,
L22 141 someone *- it may even have been her parents *- gave him a
L22 142 picture book on extinct species for Christmas. ^Including,
L22 143 recalled Chris with a chill, the great auk. ^After that there was
L22 144 no stopping Russell and the others. ^*'The great gawk from the
L22 145 great Auck,**' they would chant at her; enjoying the assonance as
L22 146 children will, enjoying the cruelty. *'^Hey gawk!**'
L22 147    |^*'You must be nice to poor Russell,**' her mother often
L22 148 said. *'^Remember he and his little sisters are motherless.**'
L22 149    |^In fact, Auntie Audrey was alive and well and living with
L22 150 the man she had deserted Russell's father for. ^In Auckland.
L22 151 *|^Chris sorted the laundry basket. ^It was full, though she had
L22 152 washed only a couple of days before. ^She heard Karl moving in
L22 153 the dining room.
L22 154    |^*'Karl, how come you've put out all these clothes? ^Are
L22 155 you changing everything each day?**' she called.
L22 156    |^No reply.
L22 157    |*'^The only things you're supposed to change each day are
L22 158 socks and unders, okay? ^Other gear just twice a week unless it's
L22 159 dirty.**' ^With exasperation: *'^You know that!**'
L22 160    |^*'I like to be clean,**' Karl said virtuously. ^He had
L22 161 sauntered to the door and was leaning against the jamb.
L22 162    |*'^Then why don't you like having showers?**' ^His shrug
L22 163 annoyed her. *'^Doesn't it occur to you I might get sick of
L22 164 washing and ironing? ^I should make you do it yourself now.
L22 165 ^You're old enough.**'
L22 166    |^Turning to face him again from the clothes, she found he
L22 167 had vanished. ^She sighed with suppressed anger and wondered, not
L22 168 for the first time, how solos with more than one coped with being
L22 169 outnumbered as well as everything else.
L22 170 *|^*'What's the definition of a baby, \2Mom?**' Scharlett asked,
L22 171 then looked at each of the other two women. ^When they smiled
L22 172 ignorance, she said brightly: *'^A loud noise at one end and a
L22 173 complete lack of responsibility at the other!**'
L22 174    |^The children giggled helplessly.
L22 175    |^*'Sounds like most men I know,**' said Lillian, spooning
L22 176 jam.
L22 177    |^*'Guy told us that,**' Karl said. *'^It's a good joke, eh
L22 178 Mum?**'
L22 179    |*'^Yes Karlo. ^Thought you told me you wanted a baby
L22 180 brother?**'
L22 181    |*'^Doesn't matter now. ^I got sisters.**' ^Karl shovelled
L22 182 cornflakes with relish then added with a full mouth: *'^You can
L22 183 have one if you like but.**'
L22 184    |^They were eating breakfast. ^The jumbo bag of cornflakes
L22 185 that usually lasted Karl more than a week had disappeared in two
L22 186 days.
L22 187    |^*'Can I borrow your van again if I put in gas?**' Sandie
L22 188 Mae asked. *'^The \2gals and I like to go to chapel on a
L22 189 Sunday.**' ^Hastily she added: *'^This time we won't have no
L22 190 accidents, I swear it.**'
L22 191    |^*'Why not give church a miss,**' Lillian said irritably.
L22 192 *'^What's the point of keeping it up from here? ^We'll be gone in
L22 193 three weeks.**'
L22 194    |^*'It's a habit from my childhood,**' said Sandie Mae
L22 195 almost apologetically. *'^When \2Dawrothy and I was livin' in
L22 196 Kentucky we went \2evra Sunday with \2Grandpaw and \2Grandmaw. ^I
L22 197 don't feel right if I don't go.**'
L22 198    |*'^You know those church people really look down on us
L22 199 dykes for all their love-one-another wimpishness.**' ^Lillian
L22 200 looked and sounded peevish. *'^I don't know why you bother.**'
L22 201    |^*'You stick to your beliefs and I'll stick to mine,**'
L22 202 said Sandie Mae with unusual firmness.
L22 203    |^*'\2Mommy, I don't \2wanna go to Sunday school,**'
L22 204 Scharlett whined. *'^I don't like the new teacher.**'
L22 205    |^*'Me neither,**' supported Peggy Sioux. *'^\2Mommy, can we
L22 206 stay home?**'
L22 207    |^*'No!**' snapped the beleaguered Sandie Mae.
L22 208    |^Lillian looked complacent. ^*'I'll mind them while you go
L22 209 by yourself,**' she offered.
L22 210    |^*'Don't you worry none, Lillie. ^We're going, all of
L22 211 us,**' Sandle Mae said evenly.
L22 212    |^To distract Lillian and avert what threatened to become a
L22 213 row, Chris asked her sympathetically: *'^Have you had bad
L22 214 experiences with religion?**'
L22 215    |^*'You could say that,**' Lillian said in a tone suggesting
L22 216 understatement. *'^I was brought up a Roman Catholic. ^Almost as
L22 217 bad as being brought up a Kentucky fundamentalist!**' ^She threw
L22 218 Sandie Mae a sideways look. ^Sandie Mae remained silent. *'^My
L22 219 adoptive parents are Catholics. ^Didn't suit *1me *0though *-**'
L22 220    |^*'Mum,**' Karl interrupted impatiently, *'can I go and
L22 221 play?**'
L22 222    |*'^Is your room tidy? ^Weekend homework done?**'
L22 223    |*'^Yes yes, ages ago.**'
L22 224    |^*'Well...**' began Chris. ^She had a feeling there was
L22 225 something else he should have done.
L22 226    |^But Karl was already gone.
L22 227    |^*'You \2gals get dressed right quick,**' Sandie Mae was
L22 228 meanwhile saying to Scharlett and Peggy Sioux. *'^Sunday clothes,
L22 229 you hear? ^No tacky old sweaters and jeans. ^I \2wanna see
L22 230 you-all in dresses. ^And white socks and clean shoes!**' she
L22 231 admonished.
L22 232 *#
L23 001 **[496 TEXT L23**]
L23 002 *<*3OWEN MARSHALL*>
L23 003 *<*4Glasnost*>
L23 004 |^*0What might seem the most difficult thing is often the easiest
L23 005 to account for. ^Peter Belikov, beloved in his own Ukraine and of
L23 006 some repute elsewhere, attended the International Festival of
L23 007 Landscape Poetry in the Barossa Valley, and so did Nigel O'Kane.
L23 008 ^Thus they met. ^Belikov was almost a name of course, while
L23 009 O'Kane was no name at all. ^New Zealand *2PEN *0initially
L23 010 nominated Turner, but at the last moment he suffered a sports
L23 011 injury, and the secretary remembered O'Kane's *'Kurow Triptych**'
L23 012 in *1Agapemone *0magazine. ^The secretary was not well up on
L23 013 South Island landscape poets, but was determined to find one.
L23 014 ^She assumed that as there was more natural landscape per capita
L23 015 in the South Island, the standard of its poetry must be
L23 016 correspondingly higher. ^O'Kane had a part-time job under one of
L23 017 the government employment schemes checking for carp infestation
L23 018 in the hydro channels of the southern lakes, but the threat posed
L23 019 was not thought such that he couldn't be spared for a few days.
L23 020    |^No, the difficult thing might be thought an explanation of
L23 021 why amid one hundred and seventeen male and eleven female nature
L23 022 poets concentrated in the Barossa, the Ukrainian Belikov, almost
L23 023 a name, and obscure O'Kane of the Waitaki, should form any sort
L23 024 of friendship at all.
L23 025    |^The answer lies in O'Kane's state of mind at the first
L23 026 plenary session. ^He had once been overseas before, but only to
L23 027 the North Island, and the flight to Australia made him agitated.
L23 028 ^On landing he had to stifle his anguished cries as what appeared
L23 029 to be a portion of the wing disintegrating proved to be merely
L23 030 airbrakes. ^As the sole New Zealand poetic representative he knew
L23 031 no-one on the mini-bus to the Barossa: no-one in the
L23 032 multi-coloured marquee which stood in the scented gardens for the
L23 033 first evening plenary session. ^The name tag he was issued,
L23 034 registered him as O'Kay, which he was philosopher enough to
L23 035 accept as a favourable omen. ^Alone at such a function he did
L23 036 what all alone at such functions do, he drank more heavily
L23 037 because of it. ^The Barossa reds were particularly robust that
L23 038 year, and the nibbles well hidden.
L23 039    |^O'Kane found Dutch courage enough to cheer the Colombian
L23 040 representative who spoke out bitterly against the Leviathan of
L23 041 industrial society, and to smile into his neighbour's Hamitic
L23 042 face when the chairman, a Tamil professor of Asian Literature,
L23 043 told a joke which proved he was a personal friend of Seamus
L23 044 Heaney or Nissim Ezekiel.
L23 045    |^O'Kane was most conscious of his obscurity when the formal
L23 046 part of the evening was over, and the poets began to mingle.
L23 047 ^Many appeared to be acquainted from the trail of festivals,
L23 048 launchings, readings, conferences, exchanges and academic
L23 049 fellowships which criss-cross the world. ^The talk and laughter
L23 050 rose so that the marquee began to swell like a bull frog, the
L23 051 candy stripes tightening in the light temporarily strung. ^Midges
L23 052 and moths were drawn in enquiringly from the twilight Barossa,
L23 053 and hovered as parentheses about damp, open mouths.
L23 054    |^The Chairman made himself heard with an Asian gong, and
L23 055 suggested an impromptu reading. ^An accomplished chairman, he had
L23 056 cunningly forewarned some poets and had them planted in the
L23 057 throng. ^Before any of these could rise to their cue however,
L23 058 O'Kane, driven by alcohol and the heady presence of so much
L23 059 poetry, stood on a tubular steel chair and recited Baxter's
L23 060 *'Rocket Show**' from memory.
L23 061    |^It was then that Belikov first saw him. ^As he watched, as
L23 062 the talk in the marquee died until the only sounds were the
L23 063 breaking of wind and plastic wine glasses underfoot, Belikov felt
L23 064 his heart tighten at the true demonstration of a poet's love for
L23 065 his profession. ^The front legs of O'Kane's chair sank gradually
L23 066 into the wine**[ARB**]-soaked soil, and he steadied himself with
L23 067 one hand on the back. ^His running shoes had from long usage come
L23 068 to follow the shape of his feet perfectly, his grey trousers were
L23 069 worn at the knees from obeisance beside the water channels, and
L23 070 his natural wool jersey was unravelling at the band. ^His name
L23 071 tag hung out the more he had to crouch, and those nearest could
L23 072 clearly read that he was O'Kay.
L23 073    |^There is a fitness in a poet's poverty, Belikov
L23 074 considered. ^A rich poet is like a fat ballet dancer, both gross
L23 075 failures in the essentials of their art. ^Even those listeners
L23 076 who had difficulty with English, or O'Kane's accent in its use,
L23 077 could respect a consciousness of a love for the words greater
L23 078 than his unpractised delivery was able to express. ^He received a
L23 079 good-humoured reception as he toppled forward at the poem's
L23 080 conclusion, and the chairman quickly moved on to another poet
L23 081 whose spontaneity was more expected, and more in keeping with the
L23 082 hierarchy of those present.
L23 083    |^Overawed by his own presumption, O'Kane burrowed his way
L23 084 to another part of the tent where he could be insignificant once
L23 085 more, and Belikov left his small retinue and tried to follow.
L23 086 ^O'Kane was fortunate enough to find a plate full of asparagus
L23 087 shoots wrapped in ham and held with toothpicks, that had been put
L23 088 down and forgotten behind a rubber plant. ^He ate eleven of them,
L23 089 which served to regain his composure, and Belikov found him there
L23 090 in time to eat two of the last remaining with him.
L23 091    |^Belikov and O'Kane talked not of poetry, but of their
L23 092 lives, which is the way of true artists. ^It is the difference
L23 093 between the spring and the trough. ^The Ukrainian spoke of his
L23 094 home town of Osipenko on the shores of the Azov Sea, and O'Kane
L23 095 asked excitedly of Chekhov's Taranagog and Babel's Odessa in the
L23 096 region. ^O'Kane described the treeless slopes of the inland
L23 097 basins of his South Island, with the tussock undulating in the
L23 098 unchecked wind and the scree slopes glistening in the iced water
L23 099 of the thaw.
L23 100    |^Belikov was on the rise. ^He gave a speech at the Festival
L23 101 on the second day on the lyric pessimism of Ukrainian poetry. ^It
L23 102 was rumoured that he would appear on Australian television, but
L23 103 for some reason it didn't happen. ^However, he gave several radio
L23 104 interviews and readings. ^Despite his position and
L23 105 responsibilities, despite his established acquaintances at the
L23 106 Festival, Belikov made a point of talking to young O'Kane at
L23 107 least once each day. ^Belikov was not so far from his days of
L23 108 full blown poetic idealism that he was unmindful of its wonder
L23 109 and passion, its obsessive innocence, and before the two poets
L23 110 parted at the conclusion of the Festival in the Barossa, Belikov
L23 111 gave O'Kane his home address and a copy of his ninth volume of
L23 112 poems *- *1Dusk Upon the Azov Sea. ^*0In return O'Kane wrote out
L23 113 for his new friend the *'Kurow Triptych**'.
L23 114    |^O'Kane returned to his brown valley and his search for
L23 115 fish no longer content with Mandarins' gardens. ^It suited his
L23 116 whimsical humour when he was asked his occupation to say,
L23 117 carping. ^He supplied *2PEN *0with a report of the Barossa
L23 118 Festival as required; some 5,000 words which the secretary
L23 119 reduced to 200 in the newsletter, for since her invitation to him
L23 120 it had been pointed out to her that O'Kane was utterly
L23 121 insignificant as a poet, and lacked any acknowledged publishing
L23 122 or critical history. ^Yet O'Kane could not be deprived of his
L23 123 experience, or his friendship with Belikov, and he wrote every
L23 124 month; long letters of the milky flow of the Waitaki, of the dust
L23 125 billowing from the Hakataramea in wind storms, of the delicate
L23 126 pulse in a gecko's throat and the flight of a hundred Canada
L23 127 geese in a necklace against the setting sun. ^He shared the
L23 128 inspiration for his in progress *'Sonnets of Otematata**'.
L23 129    |^And Belikov replied, despite his many correspondents,
L23 130 describing the majestic steppes, sturgeon fishing in the sea
L23 131 mist, the reed beds of the Yevpotkin, and his growing reputation
L23 132 which necessitated ever more frequent visits to Kiev, Moscow, and
L23 133 outside Russia to represent his country in America, Britain and
L23 134 so on. ^Belikov became a name; a small major poet rather than a
L23 135 large minor one. ^He was included in a *1Time *0magazine article
L23 136 on the leading contemporary Soviet poets, and he was awarded the
L23 137 Nekrasov Medal for his lyrical *'Return to Osipenko**'.
L23 138    |^Art is however a jealous god, and Belikov suffered a
L23 139 severe stroke thirteen months after the Barossa Festival while
L23 140 reading a letter from O'Kane. ^His memory and movement were
L23 141 desperately impaired, and only his last thoughts about O'Kane
L23 142 were clear in his mind. ^His wish to see him finally became
L23 143 evident to doctors and family. ^The brother, Andrey Belikov, told
L23 144 of *'O'Kay**' O'Kane's letter found clutched in Peter's hand, and
L23 145 the earlier letters were recovered from the poet's files.
L23 146    |^In the spirit of glasnost the tender story was told not
L23 147 just in Russia, but the world. ^A small enough piece of news
L23 148 perhaps, for the literary community is always despised by media
L23 149 power, nevertheless it was human interest, and there was an
L23 150 element of hands across the political waters as well which was an
L23 151 angle worth working.
L23 152    |^The Ukrainian Academy, benevolently regarded by Moscow,
L23 153 was permitted to approach the New Zealand Minister for the Arts
L23 154 through the Soviet Ambassador to invite the poet O'Kane to visit
L23 155 Belikov in the Dostoevsky Clinic at Rostov. ^The Minister called
L23 156 upon the Arts Council to identify O'Kane, the council called upon
L23 157 the Literary Fund, the Literary Fund called upon *2PEN, *0and
L23 158 *2PEN *0heaped praises on their secretary who had shown the
L23 159 perspicacity to recognise O'Kane's talents and send him to the
L23 160 Barossa Festival in the first place. ^There was even a brief
L23 161 discussion in the Prime Minister's office as to the implications
L23 162 of accepting the Soviet offer to meet the expenses of O'Kane's
L23 163 trip, and it was decided New Zealand should provide the funds and
L23 164 so present the visit to the ailing Belikov as a gesture of
L23 165 goodwill from New Zealand to Russia.
L23 166    |^Oh yes, it was quite a thing for a time. ^There were
L23 167 photos of both Belikov and O'Kane in the papers, excerpts from
L23 168 the letters, and mention of the *1Time *0article to establish
L23 169 Belikov's significance. ^The nickname O'Kay O'Kane provided a
L23 170 pleasing tag which no journalist strove to overlook, although
L23 171 certain senior common room staff with a sense of irony spoke
L23 172 instead of Arcane O'Kane. ^The {0MAF} when approached described
L23 173 the poet's responsibilities with them as conducting a survey of
L23 174 the comparative distribution of freshwater Cuprinidae. ^*2PEN
L23 175 *0dug out O'Kane's original 5,000 word report on the Festival and
L23 176 published it in full. ^*1Landfall *0claimed an interesting
L23 177 editorial correspondence with the southern bard, saying that it
L23 178 had rejected his work it was true, but had never rejected it out
L23 179 of hand. ^Several anthologists contacted O'Kane in order to
L23 180 obtain permission to include his work in forthcoming definitive
L23 181 collections of New Zealand poetry, and the Ngaitahu recognised
L23 182 O'Kane's spiritual affinity with the land and presented him with
L23 183 a twenty-seven inch bone fish-hook pendant to carry to the
L23 184 indigenous people of the Ukraine.
L23 185    |^Traditional poets and critics came forth from the woods
L23 186 and gullies all over the country to beat post-modernism over its
L23 187 fictive heads with O'Kane's success. ^It was rumoured that the as
L23 188 yet unfinished *'Otematata Sonnets**' displayed a textural
L23 189 richness and sacro-guilt symbolism which rivalled Baxter himself,
L23 190 but *'Kurow Triptych**' was the only published work available and
L23 191 so it received considerable attention. ^The coda was much quoted.
L23 192 **[BEGIN INDENTATION**]
L23 193 |^Christ is advent anew in the black stilt
L23 194 |On a braided crucifix of silt.
L23 195 **[END INDENTATION**]
L23 196 |^Nigel O'Kane coped with it all. ^Innocence can be its own
L23 197 protection in such things. ^In the same soft running shoes he
L23 198 made his pilgrimage to the Black Sea to meet his friend Peter
L23 199 Belikov, who was by then unable to give a greater recognition
L23 200 than the clasping of his hand. ^Before returning to New Zealand
L23 201 O'Kane visited Taranagog and Osipenko; stood himself on the loved
L23 202 shores of the Azov Sea. ^He was amazed that what seemed so
L23 203 insignificant and hemmed in upon his home atlas, should be in
L23 204 truth so vast, so calm, and so uncaring.
L23 205 *#
L24 001 **[497 TEXT L24**]
L24 002 *<*3ELIZABETH SMITHER*>
L24 003 *<*4Nights at the Embassy*>
L24 004 |^*0It is Rosamunde's fault that we are to read at the Embassy:
L24 005 in her unfailing friendship she has phoned and asked the social
L24 006 secretary if I can be included. ^I am eating a boiled egg at her
L24 007 dining table when she phones and I try to hold up a napkin in
L24 008 protest.
L24 009    |^*'All fixed,**' she says, re-joining me. *'^Just a few
L24 010 poems, followed by the guest speaker. ^The ambassador will
L24 011 conduct proceedings.**'
L24 012    |^Then, quite calmly, as though the day has not been ruined,
L24 013 she goes on spreading avocado on triangles of toast and airily
L24 014 applying black pepper.
L24 015    |^*'I know I shall mention pork or Arabs,**' I say to
L24 016 Rosamunde as we join the throng approaching the Embassy door.
L24 017    |^*'There won't be pork,**' she says firmly. *'^Or Arabs.**'
L24 018    |^The house is deceptively ordinary behind a high fence.
L24 019 ^The garden is beautifully, if recently, planted with low
L24 020 non-concealing shrubs. ^There are a prodigal number of lanterns.
L24 021    |^It is inside, in the arrangement of its rooms and offices,
L24 022 that the house differs. ^For it seems it has no bedrooms: it is a
L24 023 house simply for functions. ^Hall spills into reception area and
L24 024 the reception area is expandable, like a priest's house.
L24 025 ^Discreet screens allow for a smaller, more intimate party. ^The
L24 026 decor is light and pleasing and the quantity of flowers
L24 027 stupendous. ^And so warmly are we received that no one thinks of
L24 028 a duty evening gown or getting into the soup and fish.
L24 029    |^*'I suppose they say gefilte fish. ^Getting into the soup
L24 030 and gefilte fish,**' I say nervously, thinking of Bertie Wooster.
L24 031    |^Having been relieved of our coats and invited to freshen
L24 032 up, we are eyeing ourselves in mirrors in a small dressing room.
L24 033    |*'^I don't know what you are talking about.**'
L24 034    |*'^What shall we do with our books? ^Carry them under our
L24 035 armpits?**' ^Later I must tell Rosamunde that this is where the
L24 036 Vikings kept their money, secured with beeswax. ^I presume it is
L24 037 to leave their hands free for fighting.
L24 038    |*'^Carry them like a clutch purse.**'
L24 039    |*'^What are you going to read?**'
L24 040    |*'^I thought the ones about my granddaughter. ^And you?**'
L24 041    |*'^The Vikings. ^And something else.**'
L24 042    |^A single Viking sock had been discovered and this was
L24 043 thought to undermine a scenario of wildly pealing church bells,
L24 044 rapine and smoke. ^At the end of a sea-coloured skein of wool a
L24 045 Viking woman *- they were reputedly fiercer than the men who were
L24 046 regarded as *'big softies**' *- sat knitting a sock which she
L24 047 stretched from time to time to estimate the length of her horned
L24 048 one's foot. ^Somehow this had become entangled with the vision of
L24 049 Miss Marple in fluffy wool, plotting mischief.
L24 050    |^The ambassador has placed a small table with a lace cloth
L24 051 for us to sit behind as we are introduced. ^Then, with our books
L24 052 in our hands, we are expected to read for no more than five
L24 053 minutes. ^The visiting writer will be called on to thank us and
L24 054 say a few words about the purpose of her journey and general
L24 055 impressions.
L24 056    |^*'I shall say that the water truly does go down the
L24 057 plughole in an anticlockwise direction**', she says with a laugh
L24 058 when we are sitting together. *'^I checked it this morning. ^My
L24 059 sons are longing to know if it is correct.**'
L24 060    |^I think of the world spinning with all the handbasins and
L24 061 baths of one hemisphere upside down, clinging grimly on, held by
L24 062 a suction like a tattoo. ^And on the other hemisphere the basins
L24 063 are the right way up and perfectly unconscious of anything
L24 064 unusual.
L24 065    |^Chrissy, my sister-in-law, had dragged me through the
L24 066 entrance of the Jorvik Centre and before I could protest a
L24 067 motorised car and a commentary was pulling us backwards through
L24 068 the Great War, the Boer War, Florence Nightingale, Cavaliers...
L24 069 into the cacophony of Viking village life. ^An awesome amount of
L24 070 grunting, mumbling, clinking, hammering, wassailing broke out,
L24 071 with underfoot the motifs of screeching cats, hens on the wing,
L24 072 dogs masticating bones. ^To underline this eternity, a Viking
L24 073 crouched on a latrine surrounded by stakes, straining to move his
L24 074 bowels. ^Long before we passed him and skirted the vast barn in
L24 075 which a Viking orgy and eisteddfod was in progress I had decided
L24 076 I hated the Vikings.
L24 077    |^Rosamunde and I are very different, so different that I am
L24 078 often amazed. ^We point in the same direction, like beagles, we
L24 079 have the same sense of smell, love of the chase. ^But we are
L24 080 amazingly different in our prefaces. ^Once when we were
L24 081 travelling together this difference revealed itself around two
L24 082 telephone calls.
L24 083    |^The lights in the hotel we were staying at had fused and
L24 084 we had stumbled across the road and over a ditch to a solitary
L24 085 telephone box where we struck matches and fumbled for coins. ^One
L24 086 of us was carrying a large bottle of brandy.
L24 087    |^We were phoning our daughters at university who were
L24 088 sitting exams. ^But Rosamunde's conversation owed nothing to the
L24 089 night or the occasional apocryphal lights from passing trucks: it
L24 090 was orderly and discreet as if she was phoning from the Ritz.
L24 091    |^When my turn came I devoted it almost entirely to a
L24 092 description of the night, of disorder, the danger of the ditch
L24 093 outside. ^I was so concerned with setting the scene that I almost
L24 094 forgot the examination.
L24 095    *|^*1The Vikings Wore Socks *0is not a good choice for the
L24 096 Embassy.
L24 097 **[BEGIN INDENTATION**]
L24 098 |**[POEM**]
L24 099 **[END INDENTATION**]
L24 100 |^Am I suggesting the Israeli army is over-equipped? ^The
L24 101 ambassador, with his arms folded on his abdomen, looks bemused.
L24 102 ^As we are circling the buffet I overhear him explaining that he
L24 103 is a major in the army, as well as an ambassador. *'^And my wife
L24 104 outranks me. ^She is a lieutenant colonel.**' ^This information
L24 105 seems to give him a great deal of pleasure and I wonder, for a
L24 106 moment, if the serious-faced waiters are in the army as well.
L24 107    |^There is one woman I feel drawn to that night because her
L24 108 elegance is so careless: she exudes danger and, I think, the
L24 109 capacity to handle her own firepower, like Lauren Bacall. ^It is
L24 110 she who draws from me the word *'pig**' and adds *'Arab**' a
L24 111 second later.
L24 112    |^We are being shepherded towards second helpings at the
L24 113 buffet and I demur, without thinking: *'^I'll be as fat as a
L24 114 pig.**' ^The Lauren Bacall woman rocks on her heels with delight,
L24 115 claps me on the shoulder. ^*'What a wonderful foxes' paws, my
L24 116 dear,**' and sinks to the floor with a loaded plate. *'^I'll just
L24 117 squat here, like an Arab.**'
L24 118    |^I think of her, and try to avoid her eye, as I go on
L24 119 doggedly:
L24 120 **[BEGIN INDENTATION**]
L24 121 |**[POEM**]
L24 122 **[END INDENTATION**]
L24 123 |^It seems I have committed a messianic error of taste. ^There is
L24 124 no mention of pork but looting and rape are not suitable
L24 125 accompaniments to rumtopf and Ugat Schekademe. ^The editors, near
L24 126 the fireplace, are doing their best to look like bankers. ^When I
L24 127 come to the last verse I almost feel the harsh Viking wool
L24 128 rubbing against a blister.
L24 129 **[BEGIN INDENTATION**]
L24 130 |**[POEM**]
L24 131 **[END INDENTATION**]
L24 132 |^I look up at a circle of non-committal faces and see Lauren
L24 133 Bacall clap with two fingers of her palm, like knitting needles.
L24 134    |^Rosamunde, not forgetting, as she never forgets what is
L24 135 due to her listeners *- hadn't she spoken first to her daughter's
L24 136 flatmate, allotting him time and respect, while I fed the coins
L24 137 in and felt like pacing *- has remembered, before she reads, to
L24 138 thank the ambassador for both our invitations. ^She turns towards
L24 139 the honoured guest and says Haere Mai three times, like Black
L24 140 Rod, while I quail inwardly aware I have been thinking only of a
L24 141 first line. ^How grateful I am to hide under this greeting, to
L24 142 begin with *'^Like Rosamunde...**'
L24 143    |^Then she reads two poems about her granddaughter, personal
L24 144 poems that even in that replete and restrained circle bring a
L24 145 murmur of appreciation, and one about a collection of marble eggs
L24 146 she keeps in a bowl by her gas fire. ^I read something about a
L24 147 sputnik and a magnolia tree and we sit down to polite applause.
L24 148 ^Then the guest speaker gets up and talks about the quantity of
L24 149 grass and sheep, the need for entente, and how the water goes
L24 150 down the plughole.
L24 151    |^There had been another room at Jorvik which I have tried
L24 152 to forget. ^A room so potent I could have turned back to the
L24 153 straining Viking with a ^Hail fellow, well met. ^It was in the
L24 154 section where the commentary was almost exhausted, where it moved
L24 155 into our own century, with its white coats and laboratory
L24 156 benches.
L24 157    |^It was nothing but compacted mud really, with tiny sticks
L24 158 like tapers showing through. ^In a few seconds we would reach the
L24 159 spot where the Coppergate Helmet was discovered and the time car
L24 160 stop. ^But here, with the sticks like rows of worn-down teeth,
L24 161 was the level at which the Vikings had lived. ^Tons of human and
L24 162 animal excrement had been removed, sacks of teeth, bins of
L24 163 shards, caches of jewellery and flints, and this, in spite or
L24 164 really because of our man behind the arras, was all that
L24 165 remained. ^Life, loot and socks gone in this fearsome pity in
L24 166 which the sticks were upended birds' feet, signalling.
L24 167    |^The evening at the Embassy does not last long after the
L24 168 speeches, though we are cordially pressed to linger. ^In the
L24 169 vestibule, while our coats are being brought, there is a move to
L24 170 master one word of Hebrew.
L24 171    |^*'*1Lie*0-la-tov,**' we try tentatively and then, bolder,
L24 172 call it in little groups into the night. ^The lawns, with their
L24 173 efficient sprinklers, are doubly drenched with dew. ^The moon is
L24 174 a huge denarius. *'^*1Lie*0-la-tov.**' ^Between a sweet and a
L24 175 missile. *'^*1Lie*0-la-tov.**' ^Then someone points out a falling
L24 176 star and the evening and the star are gone.
L24 177    |^*'One of the waiters had a shoulder holster under his
L24 178 dinner jacket. ^I caught a glimpse,**' Rosamunde's husband says
L24 179 when the last *'*1Lie*0-la-tov**' has died and we are walking
L24 180 alongside the high fence.
L24 181    |*'^I wonder if it was the one I asked for a glass of water?
L24 182 ^I thought he looked rather surprised.**'
L24 183    |*'^I expect he is not used to being a waiter.**'
L24 184    |^*'I told you I would say *"pig**",**' I say and, now we
L24 185 are out of earshot, I start giggling. ^Rosamunde joins in and
L24 186 soon we cannot stop and our sides are aching.
L24 187    |^The next morning we will write thank you letters, with
L24 188 slightly different phrases and endings. ^Rosamunde's ends:
L24 189 *'^With sincere appreciation**' but mine is simply *'^Yours
L24 190 sincerely**'.
L24 191    |^I imagine the Embassy door is closed now and the Lauren
L24 192 Bacall woman has taken off her shoes and is dancing with the
L24 193 gunman. ^He has loosened his tie and his jacket is flung over a
L24 194 chair. ^The ambassador is smoking a cigar and the honoured guest
L24 195 is testing her theory once again and taking a bath. ^Or putting
L24 196 through a long distance call to Tel Aviv where her husband
L24 197 lectures at the university.
L24 198    |^I imagine a sense of relief is sweeping over them, has
L24 199 swept over them from the second the door closed and the gunman
L24 200 surveyed the front porch and part of the gravel driveway through
L24 201 the peephole.
L24 202    |^Lauren Bacall reclines against the gunman now, arms
L24 203 loosely around his neck. ^The wave of her hair swings against his
L24 204 cheek as she murmurs in his ear *'^That frightful woman who said
L24 205 *"pig**".**'
L24 206 *<*3JANETTE SINCLAIR*>
L24 207 *<*4Sign Of The Huia*>
L24 208 |^*0I noticed her at once, a head above the rest, leaning out of
L24 209 the line at assembly. ^Dark hair and pale face, a self-effacing
L24 210 yet sardonic smile. ^She was in another class, two rows away, two
L24 211 levels of academic status behind me. ^But I marked her well.
L24 212    |^Next year, fourth form, we were in the same class. ^In
L24 213 history we studied Mahatma Gandhi and apartheid. ^As I read aloud
L24 214 an impassioned essay on South Africa, this girl Karla watched
L24 215 with cool, unwavering eyes. ^They made me feel uncomfortable.
L24 216 (^*'You always get so *1vehement *0about things,**' my sister
L24 217 said.)
L24 218 *#
L25 001 **[498 TEXT L25**]
L25 002 *<*3ELIZABETH KNOX*>
L25 003 *<*4Post Mortem*>
L25 004 *<*1Cameron*>
L25 005 |^*0Pat's made a big deal of this, but you have to take into
L25 006 account she's been having miraculous revelations ever since she
L25 007 got off the plane. ^You know, Middle-America meets the blessed
L25 008 poor. ^It gets some people that way.
L25 009    |^\0OK. ^This guy turned up several days before we had a big
L25 010 influx of casualties from the push up north. ^He offered to help
L25 011 so was given work mopping floors and burying trash. ^Then, when
L25 012 \0Dr Xavier realised he had some skills he let him run the
L25 013 autoclave.
L25 014    |^After the push we were going all out, hour after hour.
L25 015 ^You know you're being a dedicated surgeon when you start
L25 016 thinking of meals solely in terms of boosting your blood-sugar.
L25 017    |^Anyway, the whole thing's at its height, we're hip-deep in
L25 018 defunct innards and bloody swabs *- and I'm hyped up, having some
L25 019 kind of a revelation myself. ^It's like I've climbed to the top
L25 020 of myself and I'm looking down on my own hands holding off death
L25 021 with steel and silk. ^At least that's how it feels. ^Off to one
L25 022 side Luis is wiping blood out of the mouthpiece of respirator
L25 023 two. ^Blanca's slitting the leg of a soldier's trousers and
L25 024 slicing the laces of a boot that's oozing like a split fruit.
L25 025    |^And I remember my horror on discovering that soldiers lace
L25 026 their boots with a single lace hooked back and forth, rather than
L25 027 cross-laced, all to save a few seconds removing the boot from an
L25 028 injured leg. ^I'd never thought about the army as anticipating
L25 029 casualties, to me soldiers were just these high-school dropouts
L25 030 whose highest sacrifice was getting their bangs cut back from
L25 031 their spotty faces *- I mean, those dumb recruits I used to see
L25 032 at home, horsing around in Tolund Mall on a Friday night. ^I've
L25 033 come a way since then *- Leonarda Army Hospital is the middle of
L25 034 a counter-revolutionary offensive.
L25 035    |^To continue. ^People were bleeding all over the place; Pat
L25 036 called for assistance at her table and \0Dr Xavier dropped his
L25 037 last swab into a bowl his nurse was holding and went to help.
L25 038 ^The nurse *- seventeen if a day *- went to close up then had to
L25 039 drop everything to give Isa a hand finding and clamping an artery
L25 040 somewhere submerged in a welling haemorrhage. ^Then this guy *-
L25 041 English passport but no accent to match, right *- stepped up to
L25 042 Xavier's patient and held his hands out over the open abdominal
L25 043 cavity *- to show us how steady they were, I guess. ^And he says,
L25 044 *'^Can I help?**' ^\0Dr Xavier stares at him, his eyes black and
L25 045 dramatic over the top of his mask, projecting madly, for all the
L25 046 world like Omar Sharif as Harif Ali in *1Lawrence of Arabia,
L25 047 *0and says, *'^Go on then, be my guest.**' ^Like he was angry, or
L25 048 sad.
L25 049    |^And so now the guy's interning, without credentials. ^He's
L25 050 completely competent, but he has such an impossible passion for
L25 051 putting people back together, I can't help but think it's got to
L25 052 be guilt.
L25 053 *<*1Pat*>
L25 054 |^*0I didn't notice him before that day. ^Cam says I'm not
L25 055 interested in people, that I'm destined to be a great hospital
L25 056 administrator because I gravitate naturally to generalities
L25 057 rather than examples. ^At the moment we're billeted in a hostel
L25 058 with a lot of young German volunteer coffee-pickers *- communists
L25 059 *- and Cam's always rushing off with them to look at this
L25 060 farmer's co-op, or that church investiture, or this festival in
L25 061 the mountains. ^I'll be trying to relax and he'll say, *'^\0OK,
L25 062 sit there and read the statistics in *1{La Voz de San Shous}
L25 063 *0then go home and tell everyone you've seen a real working
L25 064 revolution.**' ^Which is fine for him, with all his energy.
L25 065    |^I didn't notice \0Mr Mysterious till that awful day we
L25 066 were run off our feet patching up the women of 125, Theresa
L25 067 Escadillo's Amazons. ^Daniel Skyring, his passport says. ^He has
L25 068 a passport and no entry visa *- not that it matters since he's
L25 069 shacked-up with the Minister of Foreign Affairs' mother. ^Yeah, I
L25 070 know, ha ha, *1Foreign Affairs. ^*0The people he hangs around
L25 071 with call him Senor Incubus.
L25 072    |^I called for help because my hand cramped; it was simply
L25 073 tiredness, a lactic acid cramp. ^I got out of Anton Xavier's way
L25 074 and stood behind him shaking my hand and waiting to see my
L25 075 patient past the critical point before I went away and gave it a
L25 076 good massage in warm water.
L25 077    |^\0Mr Mysterious was sterile because he'd just come in with
L25 078 a batch of instruments from the autoclave *- he must have stood
L25 079 watching after handing them over. ^Then he stepped up to Anton's
L25 080 patient and held his hands out, palms down, over the wound *-
L25 081 |*- look this is just what I saw *-
L25 082    |^He held out his hands saying, *'^I can help.**' ^His hands
L25 083 were still, so still it was like a freeze-frame, and when his
L25 084 hands stilled so did the blood. ^I saw it stop. ^The wound wasn't
L25 085 bleeding heavily, obviously, just small vessels oozing *- but the
L25 086 way it glistened changed, like the bleeding had stopped, locally,
L25 087 under his hands.
L25 088    |^And, at the same time, he looked different. ^I mean he
L25 089 *1was *0odd looking, prepossessing, handsome I suppose, but it
L25 090 was like *- it was like, you know, when someone blows a smoke
L25 091 ring, how it has a clear shape that slowly dissipates. ^It was
L25 092 the reverse of  that; like smoke assuming a very definite shape,
L25 093 like watching a person come together out of the air.
L25 094    |^That's it. ^And you can agree with Cam, that I might as
L25 095 well go spotting Our Lady's visitations with Sister Imelda
L25 096 Magdalena and her cronies *- but that's what I *1saw.
L25 097 *<Senor Incubus*>
L25 098 |^*0If I had simply wanted to help I wouldn't have put myself
L25 099 forward. ^But I came to work in the Leonarda Army Hospital
L25 100 because it was a place I could make heroic efforts rather than
L25 101 trouble. ^I wasn't moved by pity at the sight of suffering. ^No,
L25 102 I knew that to survive I had to let the world use me. ^I'm not
L25 103 just another privileged foreigner undertaking committed labour
L25 104 for a brief interval like an unpleasant journey *- the return
L25 105 ticket and American citizenship pending. ^Sure, Cameron and Pat
L25 106 *1mean *0it, but they're not backed into a tight space like me *-
L25 107 I'm the childish rhyme in the bottom corner of the last page of
L25 108 an autograph book *'^By hook or by crook I'll be last in your
L25 109 book.**' ^I'm a virus trying a docking manoeuvre with the world's
L25 110 {0RNA}.
L25 111    |^I have to live, at least long enough to discover whether I
L25 112 have to live.
L25 113    |^So that night when it was busy I stepped up to Anton
L25 114 Xavier's abandoned patient and got the doctor's attention,
L25 115 knowing *1this *0was the moment he'd be weakest, from need. ^I
L25 116 said, *'^Can I help?**' and held out my hands to show him how
L25 117 unfazed I was, how steady they were, how I was ready, gloved and
L25 118 sterile. ^He gave me permission. ^I looked down at the wound and
L25 119 then *- then sensed a trace. ^Yes, it *1is *0like hunting,
L25 120 vitality is something you have to scent, a taste you hold in your
L25 121 mouth as you follow its track through time. ^In the wound I saw
L25 122 the whole stomach, several hours back *- the healthy body rising
L25 123 up through the injured one like a shape beneath the surface of
L25 124 still water. ^And I knew I'd soon learn to do what it's too late
L25 125 for me to learn now, since it doesn't matter any more, since Vlad
L25 126 died long ago and his bones are dry wands lined within by flakes
L25 127 of dessicated blood and fat. ^And so I nearly brought my hands
L25 128 together as a magician does to demonstrate the flower, egg, dove,
L25 129 has gone. ^I nearly left the hospital *- because surely it's
L25 130 better to be human and live with grief, than out-grow your
L25 131 humanity and learn to raise the dead too late to raise your own.
L25 132 ^But I understood that it is easier for all of us to clench our
L25 133 muscles than to flex them, so we make fists in our sleep. ^And I
L25 134 stretched out my hands.
L25 135 *<*3SIMON LEWIS*>
L25 136 *<*4A Christchurch Vision*>
L25 137 |^*0Her name is Vicki. ^She is an artist from Melbourne. ^Her art
L25 138 school, she tells me, is a pink stone hotel set beside the beach.
L25 139 ^In the tanneries next day, a vision of pinkness overwhelms me.
L25 140 ^I am shearing a sheepskin which is also pink. ^Looking up from
L25 141 this beautiful vision, I see the bare back of Guy, the bikie,
L25 142 working away. ^On it, a huge tattoo of Jesus! ^Beside me, Clement
L25 143 laughs. ^Jesus, he says.
L25 144    |^She wears multicoloured knee-high socks and a calf-length
L25 145 skirt. ^Sometimes though, I catch a glimpse of creamy thigh.
L25 146 ^Clement, who has nowhere to stay, is living at her place. ^She
L25 147 cooks him exotic meals, avocados and scallops and Middle Eastern
L25 148 bread. ^Beautiful Vicki, I say, I understand you now. ^I
L25 149 understand why you never played rugby. ^Why don't we visit
L25 150 Palestine? ^She smiles kindly. ^Clement, she says, is sleeping in
L25 151 my bath. ^I am not sure if that is a comfort.
L25 152    |^John Potter, an epileptic with no legs, comes to visit my
L25 153 place in his wheelchair. ^Clement and I carry him up the stairs.
L25 154 ^John burnt his legs off when an electrical fire ignited his
L25 155 amplifier. ^He used to be nearly the best bassplayer in town.
L25 156 ^Now he is hot for the Lord. ^His eyes shine and his head nods
L25 157 rapidly back and forth as he sings his praises. ^Hallelujah!
L25 158 ^Praise the Lord! ^Next thing that happens, we find him writhing
L25 159 on the kitchen floor. ^His convulsions leaving him empty, we slot
L25 160 him into the ambulance.
L25 161    |^I am a little upset. ^I go and sit in the toilet and
L25 162 scrawl a poem: Women's Lib. ^Haemophilia, boys. ^Pass it on. ^She
L25 163 hauls me out of the little room, kisses me hard on the lips.
L25 164    |^She sees me on the bus. ^She wants to do up my shoelaces.
L25 165 ^I take a seat beside her. ^She's going home. ^Turns out we're
L25 166 both going to her place, for a little party. ^I'm anyone's for a
L25 167 kindness.
L25 168    |^The creamy thighs of a girl I never ever made it with,
L25 169 these are two of my favourite things.
L25 170    |^Clement's in her kitchen making a meal. ^Carefully, he
L25 171 sprinkles feta cheese on a heap of rhubarb. ^It's magic food, he
L25 172 claims. ^Magic or not, it tastes bloody awful. ^Obviously she
L25 173 hasn't taught him how to cook yet.
L25 174    |^Clement used to be a fun guy. ^He organised hilarious
L25 175 picnics in Hagley Park, beside the houses of the suburban
L25 176 wealthy. ^We were multi-tudinous, we played guitars and flutes
L25 177 and flung frisbees around in the springtime daffodils. ^We dished
L25 178 out the good food. ^One time Clement came up to me with a
L25 179 typewriter. ^The cover was slightly ripped. ^He said he got it
L25 180 off a man who was jogging through the park, when he dropped it.
L25 181 ^But you don't need a typewriter, I said. ^Ah! he said. ^Too
L25 182 true! ^But a typewriter is exactly what you need.
L25 183    |^Clement becomes a Christian. ^A revival meeting, a clammy
L25 184 handshake with the pastor, a few inspirational songs and an acid
L25 185 flashback, that's what happened. ^Now he's the Lord's. ^And I
L25 186 want to drop him like a bad debt. ^Kick him out, I tell her, he's
L25 187 nothing but a sickening pastel Christian. ^His face lights up
L25 188 like a pinball machine when he talks about his Church. ^And his
L25 189 head goes back and forward like billyho. ^He disgusts me. ^But
L25 190 she says no, I'm not letting him go, he amuses me. ^With his
L25 191 perhaps immortality. ^He stays.
L25 192    |^When I finally get to her place she's sitting on the edge
L25 193 of the bath. ^And Clement's lying in it, completely naked. ^And
L25 194 she's laughing.
L25 195 *<*3DAVID EGGLETON*>
L25 196 *<*4The Rise of Amnesia Sargon*>
L25 197 |^*0Amnesia Sargon exists today inside the expanded sphere of
L25 198 computers. ^He leads a wired-up, robotic, take-down life, a space
L25 199 cowboy on a kamikaze starship, a self-styled Venusian.
L25 200 *#
L26 001 **[499 TEXT L26**]
L26 002 *<*3STEVAN ELDRED-GRIGG*>
L26 003 *<*4They Will Be There Before They Leave*>
L26 004 |^*'*0We're all mad really,**' Fag said one morning at the start
L26 005 of 1960, twisting a banana on the formica bench, torturing it
L26 006 till the pulp slithered over her fingers.
L26 007    |^*'We're all mad,**' she said, *'and this suburb is
L26 008 Sunnyside.**'
L26 009    |^I'd just turned seven years old. ^I didn't know what she
L26 010 was getting at.
L26 011    |^We lived in Agate Street, our suburb was Longwood, not
L26 012 Sunnyside. ^Sunnyside was the suburb where the psychiatric
L26 013 hospital was, and it was miles away, I'd seen it through the
L26 014 windows of the car. ^Longwood wasn't like that, Longwood was
L26 015 lovely, it was nice, it was what a suburb was supposed to be, it
L26 016 was what the whole world was supposed to be. ^When I looked
L26 017 through the windscreen as we drove from somewhere to somewhere, I
L26 018 saw the glass of the picture windows of Longwood gleaming back at
L26 019 me through the glass of the moving car. ^A new world. ^A world of
L26 020 concrete paths and flower beds. ^Pastel pinks and sky blues,
L26 021 *'full gloss**' greens and yellows. ^Crescents and cul-de-sacs,
L26 022 avenues and parades.
L26 023    |^But there were problems. ^Fag, mainly.
L26 024    |^*'What's it all about?**' she kept saying, crashing in,
L26 025 asking questions I didn't want to hear.
L26 026    |^Each house in Longwood looked like a small motel. ^Each
L26 027 shopping centre looked like a motel. ^And the schools, they
L26 028 looked like motels too. ^Sometimes, sitting in the car, watching
L26 029 suave glazed acres flashing past, I found it hard to know whether
L26 030 what I had just seen was Longwood Boys High School or the
L26 031 Longwood Lodge Motor Hotel. ^Or one of the sleek new concrete and
L26 032 glass churches, all of which looked as though they should have in
L26 033 front of them a neon sign, *'Park Vue**', *'Sundeck**', *'Garden
L26 034 City**', held up on steel rays to dazzle the speeding motorists.
L26 035 ^When a new subdivision opened in Longwood the estate agents held
L26 036 a *'parade of homes**' where the latest kitchen gadgets, the
L26 037 latest aluminium louvres and expelairs were displayed for us all
L26 038 to admire. ^And when one of the newspapers invited estate agents
L26 039 to rank the sixty suburbs of the city by social
L26 040 *'desirability**', Longwood was placed at... number thirty.
L26 041    |^*'Men driving off to work every morning,**' Fag would say.
L26 042 *'^Women shutting the door on them, going back into the kitchen.
L26 043 ^The kids. ^The contraceptives. ^The codeine.**'
L26 044    |^It worried me that we called our mother Fag and our father
L26 045 Roddie. ^Why didn't we call them Mum and Dad?
L26 046    |^*'Shit,**' Fag would say. *'^I need an instant coffee.**'
L26 047    |^She was queer, Fag.
L26 048    |^*'The swish swish of revolving sprinklers in the front
L26 049 gardens,**' she'd say, dumping hot water out of the electric jug
L26 050 into a coffee cup, splashing gobs of undissolved brown powder
L26 051 onto the lemon yellow formica.
L26 052    |^*'The scream of vacuum cleaners,**' she'd say.
L26 053    |^She'd grab the black plastic handle of the ranch sliders.
L26 054 ^She'd fling the glass aside. ^She'd burst out onto the concrete
L26 055 terrace.
L26 056    |^*'I know,**' she'd say. *'^Let's burn the house down and
L26 057 get the insurance.**'
L26 058    |^*'I know,**' she'd say. *'^Let's emigrate to Ecuador!**'
L26 059    |^Then things would get her down. ^She'd open the oven door
L26 060 and look inside at a dead chunk of sheep spitting hot fat back at
L26 061 her. ^She'd bang the door shut. ^She'd screw up her eyes. ^She'd
L26 062 hear the norwester whistle hot and airless against the roof.
L26 063 ^She'd turn from the oven door and point at Roddie with the big
L26 064 red mittens she wore when holding hot things in the kitchen.
L26 065    |^*'What the hell are we doing this for?**' she'd say.
L26 066    |^One day Roddie sighed. ^Usually he didn't, he was too
L26 067 careful.
L26 068    |^*'Sorry,**' she said. *'^Sorry to disturb your peaceful
L26 069 little world. ^Sorry life's pointless and I have to work my guts
L26 070 out doing stupid trivial things all day long keeping my house
L26 071 like an ad for vacuum cleaners.**'
L26 072    |^Which was a joke, if anything was, because Fag was
L26 073 hopeless at housework. ^Our place was always a mess, and I was
L26 074 always ashamed of her because of it. ^There were always flies.
L26 075 ^Dirty black flies sitting in promiscuous rows in the sun on top
L26 076 of the yellow formica bench. ^And instead of buying an aerosol
L26 077 and spraying poison at the flies and killing them dead, the way
L26 078 flies should be killed, Fag never did anything but just wave her
L26 079 hand distractedly. ^Up into the air the flies would flick. ^Then,
L26 080 after a couple of moments, back onto the yellow formica they'd
L26 081 settle, licking their legs, spreading sepsis.
L26 082    |^*'It's not as if we haven't made a choice,**' Roddie once
L26 083 said, smiling.
L26 084    |^*'Huh,**' Fag said. *'^As much choice as between Persil
L26 085 and Rinso.**'
L26 086    |^Roddie said something tactful.
L26 087    |^*'The thing is,**' Fag said to Aunty Diana over a cup of
L26 088 coffee that afternoon, *'he thinks that because we gave up making
L26 089 money that's the end of it. ^We've fixed our priorities and
L26 090 that's it. ^I'm not entitled to be unhappy, because we've done
L26 091 what we thought we wanted.**'
L26 092    |^*'Well,**' Aunty Diana said carefully, looking a little
L26 093 nervous. *'^Isn't that true?**'
L26 094    |^Aunty Diana was a bit scared of Fag, especially when Fag
L26 095 was in one of her moods.
L26 096    |^Fag never put things away. ^She never seemed to close a
L26 097 door, Fag. ^I hardly ever in my life seemed to see her close a
L26 098 door, she just left doors ajar. ^Bathroom doors, for example. ^If
L26 099 I walked past the bathroom last thing before bed I'd see Fag in
L26 100 the bath, lolling in a soapy stew, smoking a cigarette, screwing
L26 101 up her eyes over a soggy magazine, twisting the hot tap with her
L26 102 toes.
L26 103    |^*'Faa-ag**', I'd say, walking in, trampling on her
L26 104 crumpled bra.
L26 105    |^She'd grunt, crush a cigarette on a cake of Lux soap.
L26 106    |^*'Faa-ag,**' I'd say. *'^I can't find my sandshoes.**'
L26 107    |^She'd sigh, and shift her hips a little, letting the water
L26 108 slither against her loose blue breasts.
L26 109    |^*'In the airing cupboard, Ash,**' she'd say. *'^Where you
L26 110 last chucked them**'.
L26 111    |^Ash was what everybody at home called me. ^It was short
L26 112 for Ashley, which was my name, which annoyed me. ^It was a silly
L26 113 name. ^None of the other boys at school had silly names, they all
L26 114 seemed to have sensible names like Brian or Brent, or David or
L26 115 Doug.
L26 116    |^*'Why am I called Ashley?**' I said to Fag one day. *'^No
L26 117 other kids are called Ashley. ^Why'd you call me Ashley?**'
L26 118    |^*'Roddie wanted to give you a family name,**' she said.
L26 119    |^I recognised evasion when I saw it.
L26 120    |^*'Well why'd you call me Ashley then?**' I said.
L26 121    |^Fag looked away, scratched her nail on some torn plastic.
L26 122    |^*'I read it in a novel,**' she said.
L26 123    |^*'A novel?**' I said. *'^What kind of novel? ^Why'd you
L26 124 call me after somebody in a novel?**'
L26 125    |^And, to my amazement, Fag *1blushed.
L26 126 *|^*0Roddie was very interested in progress.
L26 127    |^*'It was terrible, just a few years ago,**' he told us.
L26 128 *'^The housing situation in Christchurch. ^Absolutely terrible.
L26 129 ^Working people living like cattle. ^But things are moving now.
L26 130 ^Homes for families. ^Homes for the people.**'
L26 131    |^Roddie often brought building magazines home from work.
L26 132 ^I'd settle down with a pile of them, studying the future.
L26 133    |*'^Christchurch is experiencing its greatest ever
L26 134 commercial building boom. ^Modern multi-storey buildings
L26 135 featuring the latest architectural designs are climbing skywards.
L26 136 ^The amount of commercial building in the last five years has
L26 137 been greater than that in the previous twenty years.**'
L26 138    |^What did Fag mean, *'this suburb is Sunnyside?**'
L26 139    |*'^From the days when the Canterbury Pilgrims established
L26 140 their first forges and smithies, industry has flourished. ^Now in
L26 141 our second century there are signs of an industrial migration to
L26 142 this province which will transform the emphasis of our commercial
L26 143 life and provide work for a vastly increased population.
L26 144 ^Canterbury is on the march. ^The population, the wealth and the
L26 145 development of this city and province will advance in the next
L26 146 fifty years to an extent which it is difficult for us today to
L26 147 foresee, just as it was difficult for the early pioneers to
L26 148 envisage the Christchurch of today**'.
L26 149    |^Roddie liked to drive around the new industrial estates.
L26 150    |^Rubber factories, plastics factories, textile factories.
L26 151 ^Machine works and engineering works. ^Long low buildings, glass
L26 152 and concrete and steel.
L26 153    |^*'Look nice enough to hang curtains and live in, don't
L26 154 they, Ash?**' he said to me. *'^Different from the days when your
L26 155 mother and her sisters were working.**'
L26 156    |^*'Maladjusted young people,**' noted one of the newspapers
L26 157 in its New Year survey, listing the leading signs of a new
L26 158 decade. *'^The \0A-bomb. ^The \0H-bomb. ^Jet-propelled war planes
L26 159 reaching new, fantastic heights and almost unbelievable speeds.
L26 160 ^Earth-orbiting Soviet and American satellites culminating in the
L26 161 Soviet Lunik on the moon. ^What do these things augur?**'
L26 162 *|^Grandma Feron lived in Sydenham, in Trollope Street. ^Trollope
L26 163 Street was just a narrow little street of little narrow cottages.
L26 164    |^*'Run up by a spec builder in the old days,**' Roddie said
L26 165 one time as we drove there.
L26 166    |^Grandma Feron had a lot to say about the old days, but
L26 167 unlike Roddie she got it all wrong.
L26 168    |^*'The bad old days,**' she muttered. *'^Only one thing
L26 169 worse, and that's these days.**'
L26 170    |^On our visits to Grandma Feron we'd get out of our car.
L26 171 ^We'd open a rusty little gate in a corrugated iron fence. ^We'd
L26 172 follow a cracked asphalt path past a few sooty hydrangeas, a
L26 173 clump or two of silver beet run to seed. ^I'd look at a
L26 174 reflection of myself in a double hung window. ^I'd look behind
L26 175 the image and see bunched lace curtains through the glass.
L26 176 ^Roddie or Fag would knock on the door.
L26 177    |^The door would fling open.
L26 178    |^A little, angry looking woman in front of us, in a limp
L26 179 dark frock.
L26 180    |^*'Come in,**' she'd say. *'^Since \2yer here.**'
L26 181    |^Shuffling us into what she called the *'dining room**',
L26 182 she'd start to talk.
L26 183    |^*'That tart,**' she'd say. *'^Widdy giddying about the
L26 184 town on her high heels. ^Talk about merry bloody widow. ^She's
L26 185 been spending like a squatter since her old man kicked the
L26 186 bucket.**'
L26 187    |^Her words came out endlessly, the same words, the same
L26 188 sing**[ARB**]-song, hard little words. ^Hard, compact little
L26 189 pellets of meaning, filling up the room with the weight of them.
L26 190 ^A small, dark room, an exact cube, built entirely of wood.
L26 191 ^Walls and ceilings bellying with old green paper. ^Coir mats and
L26 192 a worn possum rug on the floor. ^A dado of orange and black
L26 193 linoleum running round at shoulder height, trapping me in front
L26 194 of her tongue. ^No escape from that tongue. ^A yellow fireside
L26 195 chair, a soundless gramophone, two or three pieces of musty
L26 196 bulging horsehair, nothing substantial enough to hide behind.
L26 197    |^*'Won't be long before this is all gone, Ash,**' Roddie
L26 198 would reassure me as we came or went.
L26 199    |^*'Hope so,**' I'd say.
L26 200    |^*'Urban renewal,**' he'd say.
L26 201    |^Urban renewal was already beginning. ^One day we drove
L26 202 past a row of fibrolite cottages whose back walls had all been
L26 203 torn off, showing us the insides of their little rooms, little
L26 204 boxes. ^Ripped wallpaper, broken linoleum, lay loose in the hot
L26 205 air. ^A hard summer sun blasted into spaces which for three
L26 206 generations had been lit by nothing but tallow candles, coal gas,
L26 207 blank electric bulbs.
L26 208    |^It was wonderful. ^I exulted. ^It was a surgical operation
L26 209 on cancer.
L26 210    |^*'It's all been zoned,**' Roddie explained. *'^Working
L26 211 people shouldn't have to put up with this sort of housing.**'
L26 212    |^*'Buggered if I'm \2gonna let them shift *1me,**'
L26 213 *0grandma Feron muttered, crouching in her yellow chair.
L26 214    |^*'They're dark, these old places,**' Roddie said. *'^And
L26 215 they're damp. ^And there's too much work trying to keep them
L26 216 clean.**'
L26 217    |^*'Better than some concrete bloody flat,**' grandma Feron
L26 218 said.
L26 219    |^*'Time for you to enjoy a few mod cons,**' Roddie said.
L26 220 *'^Time for you to take it easy.**'
L26 221    |^*'Always got all the answers, \2youse people,**' grandma
L26 222 Feron snapped back.
L26 223    |^*'It's sad,**' Roddie said as we climbed back into the
L26 224 car. *'^Your grandmother's scared of kindness.**'
L26 225    |^*'Think I'm bloody deaf,**' grandma Feron yelled. *'^As
L26 226 well as bloody thick.**'
L26 227 *#
L27 001 **[500 TEXT L27**]
L27 002 *<*45*>
L27 003 *<*5Dozey Bastard*>
L27 004 |^*6Y*2ES, STAN FUDD WAS *0a true-blue, dyed-in-the-wool,
L27 005 honest-to-goodness, fair-dinkum, jumped-up-never-to-come-down,
L27 006 gold-plated, Dozey Bastard (*1\2Bastardus drippus*0). ^Not a bad
L27 007 truck-driver, mind you, but a Really Dozey Bastard, all the same.
L27 008    |^I was driving trucks at the time. ^Big artics., long hauls.
L27 009 ^Auckland *- Napier *- Gisborne *- Palmerston North *- Wellington,
L27 010 runs like that, and usually two or three of us would set off
L27 011 together and stay more or less together as long as we could.
L27 012    |^One day, when my mate Mike Foote and I were getting ready
L27 013 for a routine run down to Palmerston North and back, the boss came
L27 014 and introduced this new bloke, Stan Fudd, and asked us to show him
L27 015 the ropes and keep an eye on him. ^He was to drive a third rig and
L27 016 bring back a load of refrigerated fish.
L27 017    |^So off we went, Mike up front, the new bloke in the middle,
L27 018 and I brought up the rear. ^It's a fairly long run down to
L27 019 Palmerston North but we were all empty and got there in eleven
L27 020 hours *- one o'clock in the morning *- and had a kip in our usual
L27 021 pub.
L27 022    |^The new bloke could handle a truck all right, there's no
L27 023 doubt about that, but by the time we'd loaded up and had a feed he
L27 024 was looking a bit weary on it. ^Not used to the long runs. ^And by
L27 025 the time we'd made it back up to Taupo he was looking really beat,
L27 026 so we stopped for an hour to give him a spell.
L27 027    |^Back at the depot we were told to get some sleep because
L27 028 there was a rush job on and we had to leave for Napier early next
L27 029 morning.
L27 030    |^Stan turned up yawning and hollow-eyed and when we stopped
L27 031 for lunch at Taupo he almost went to sleep at the cafe table we
L27 032 were sitting at. ^So Mike went to his truck and came back with a
L27 033 jar of tablets he kept in his cab.
L27 034    |^*"Here, take one of these,**" he said to Stan. *"^It'll
L27 035 keep you awake.**"
L27 036    |^*"What are they?**" said Stan.
L27 037    |^*"Methedrines,**" said Mike. *"^They'll stop you going to
L27 038 sleep on the road. ^There's a rough stretch between here and
L27 039 Napier and we don't want you going over the bank.**"
L27 040    |^*"Okay, thanks,**" said Stan, taking one of the pills and
L27 041 washing it down with coffee.
L27 042    |^*"You'd better take a few of these,**" said Mike, pouring
L27 043 about fifty of them onto a table napkin for him. *"^Just take one
L27 044 when you feel yourself getting sleepy.**"
L27 045    |^*"Thanks,**" said Stan. *"^I need something like that.**"
L27 046    |^*"You have to be careful not to take too many of them,**"
L27 047 warned Mike.
L27 048    |^But I don't think Stan can have heard him *- or perhaps it
L27 049 was just that he was a Dozey Bastard *- because he took to those
L27 050 methedrine pills like nobody's business. ^He drove non-stop to
L27 051 Napier and didn't even wait until morning to head back.
L27 052    |^I was trying to sleep in the same hotel room as him and he
L27 053 flounced and creaked around in his bed for a couple of hours and
L27 054 then he got dressed and went out for a walk around. ^He woke me up
L27 055 in the early hours of the next morning to tell me he was going to
L27 056 head on back to Auckland.
L27 057    |^His truck was in the yard, unloaded, serviced and ready to
L27 058 take off again, by the time Mike and I arrived back late that
L27 059 night. ^And when we met at the depot two days later, Stan,
L27 060 hollow-eyed and wildly excited, whispered hoarsely to us (although
L27 061 there was nobody else within earshot) that he hadn't been to sleep
L27 062 since he'd got back from Napier but he felt terrific.
L27 063    |^*"I've been having long discussions with the wife,**" he
L27 064 confided to us. *"^Our whole lives have been changed!**"
L27 065    |^*"You want to take it a bit easy on those methedrines,**"
L27 066 Mike told him. *"^You'll go right off if you keep taking too many
L27 067 of them.**"
L27 068    |^*"I've hardly touched them!**" protested Stan quickly,
L27 069 looking guiltily around the yard.
L27 070    |^*"Just take it easy, all the same,**" said Mike. *"^Give
L27 071 them a rest for a few days.**"
L27 072    |^Stan got held up at the depot that morning so Mike and I
L27 073 left ahead of him, but he passed us later in the day, grim-jawed
L27 074 and black-eyed, heading south as though he was in an army tank or
L27 075 a jumbo-jet.
L27 076    |^He got out of step with us, we couldn't keep up with him.
L27 077 ^He was making half as much again as us, and we were on big money.
L27 078    |^Then the jar of methedrines disappeared out of Mike's truck
L27 079 and we started getting worried. ^We asked Stan about it and he
L27 080 accused us of picking on him *- just like his wife had been
L27 081 lately.
L27 082    |^*"He won't be able to keep it up,**" Mike said to me. *"^It
L27 083 won't be long before it catches up on him.**"
L27 084    |^And it wasn't. ^We'd caught up with Stan at an eating place
L27 085 well down the line and were having one of our rare meals together.
L27 086 ^But Stan wasn't hungry and picked at the edges of his food as
L27 087 though he'd already eaten too much, but he drank five cups of
L27 088 coffee and then drank all the milk out of the jug on our table.
L27 089 ^We tried to talk to him but he was almost incoherent by this
L27 090 time. ^Raving wildly for a few minutes and then lapsing suddenly
L27 091 into a sullen brooding silence. ^And before Mike and I had
L27 092 finished eating he abruptly left us, saying as he went that he had
L27 093 to get going.
L27 094    |^We decided that if he got any worse we'd have to get the
L27 095 boss to lay him off for a few days. ^It didn't look to us as
L27 096 though Stan had been eating or sleeping anywhere near enough over
L27 097 the past couple of weeks (ever since the methedrines) and we
L27 098 estimated that he'd lost between a stone and a half and two stone
L27 099 in weight.
L27 100    |^It was about half past one the following morning when we
L27 101 came up with Stan's truck, stopped in the middle of the road on a
L27 102 long straight, with the motor running and the lights on full-beam
L27 103 and the cab door hanging open. ^There were fifty-yard-long black
L27 104 streaks of rubber on the road where he'd slammed on his brakes at
L27 105 high speed. ^It's a wonder he hadn't jack-knifed her.
L27 106    |^We pulled over and stopped our trucks and got out to look
L27 107 for Stan. ^We'd gone past him. ^He was back up the road looking
L27 108 around in some fern down the bank, lighting matches and calling
L27 109 out, *"^Hoi, ^Hoi there! ^Where are you?**"
L27 110    |^It was just as well it was us who'd found him. ^We led him
L27 111 back to the trucks and made him drink some coffee from the thermos
L27 112 I carried in my cab.
L27 113    |^And this, as near as we could gather, was what had happened
L27 114 to him. ^He was just driving along making good time when the
L27 115 little naked man who'd been scampering along in his headlights
L27 116 with his umbrella up for about forty or fifty miles suddenly
L27 117 disappeared with a scream under the front of the truck. ^Stan
L27 118 stamped on his brakes and jammed the 22-ton rig to a hell of a
L27 119 stop but there was no hope for the little man. ^By the time we'd
L27 120 arrived Stan had searched through the tyres and wheels of his
L27 121 outfit and right back up the road, but there was no sign of him.
L27 122    |^We found twenty-six of the two hundred-odd methedrines he'd
L27 123 nicked from Mike's truck in his shirt pocket and had no conscience
L27 124 about confiscating them. ^Then we shifted Stan's truck to a safe
L27 125 place off the road and locked it up and took him about 40 miles to
L27 126 our nearest stopping hotel and put him to bed.
L27 127    |^He slept for a day and a night and was looking a little
L27 128 better when we picked him up on our way back and drove him to pick
L27 129 up his truck. ^He was a day and a half late getting back to the
L27 130 depot but we'd organised a breakdown yarn for him and he didn't
L27 131 get into trouble over it.
L27 132    |^*"Not that he didn't deserve to,**" said Mike. *"^Us
L27 133 long-distance drivers have been using methedrines for ten years
L27 134 that I know of, and they're a damn good thing if you use them
L27 135 sensibly. ^But it only takes someone like Stan to get everyone
L27 136 calling them dangerous drugs. ^Anything'd be dangerous in the
L27 137 hands of a Dozey Bastard like that.**"
L27 138    |^And you have to admit that Mike was right. ^A Dozey
L27 139 Bastard.
L27 140 *<*46*>
L27 141 *<*5Enigmatic Bastard*>
L27 142 |^*6I *2DON'T THINK IT'D *0be too presumptuous of me to describe
L27 143 Suggy Benson as an Enigmatic Bastard (*1\2Bastardus perplexus*0).
L27 144 ^The only Real Enigmatic Bastard I've ever run into, as a matter
L27 145 of fact. ^There's been so much talk flying around about him that
L27 146 it's got right out of hand altogether, so I've decided to set the
L27 147 facts down while there's still time, and then people will be able
L27 148 to form their own opinions about him.
L27 149    |^Though I personally knew Suggy as well as just about
L27 150 anybody (he's dead just now) I still can't make up my mind about
L27 151 him. ^There's those who say he was nothing but a lazy, shiftless,
L27 152 selfish criminal, with no regard for anybody else *- or their
L27 153 property. ^And then there's those who swear that Suggy was a
L27 154 thoughtful, considerate friend to anyone in trouble; a Good
L27 155 Bastard. ^Only rob people who could afford it. ^A *'Robin Hood**'
L27 156 kind of bloke.
L27 157    |^I don't know *- both sides of the story are true enough, I
L27 158 suppose. ^All I know is that if you were with Suggy Benson you
L27 159 were all right. ^You'd never go short of a feed or somewhere to
L27 160 sleep, or even a job, if you wanted one. ^He had bunks all over
L27 161 the country, did Suggy. ^There was the university gymnasium and
L27 162 the hothouse and one or two other places in Auckland. ^The Te Rapa
L27 163 racetrack buildings in Hamilton. ^Hot pools at Rotorua and Taupo.
L27 164 ^A church and a school in Wellington. ^Railway carriages and one
L27 165 or two other little spots in Christchurch. ^And a
L27 166 lean-to that backed right up against a baker's ovens in Dunedin.
L27 167 ^Just to mention a few of the more obvious ones.
L27 168    |^And wherever he went he had his own special lurk for
L27 169 getting a feed. ^Never knew him to go hungry, old Suggy, and he
L27 170 went through a few rough spots, believe me. ^For absolute
L27 171 emergencies, for example, there were the Albert Park goldfish in
L27 172 Auckland. ^Trout in Rotorua and Taupo. ^Pigeons in Wellington and
L27 173 Dunedin. ^And ducks in Rotorua and Christchurch *- to mention a
L27 174 careful few. ^Yes, Suggy could swipe a duck or pigeon or goldfish
L27 175 *- anything you liked *- from right under your nose and you'd
L27 176 never know it was happening.
L27 177    |^You see, Suggy Benson was the most terrific thief you ever
L27 178 saw in all your born days. ^If he wanted something it'd never
L27 179 occur to him to go and buy it, or ask for it, or anything like
L27 180 that. ^He'd just swipe it. ^And he'd swipe it so naturally that
L27 181 quite often eyewitnesses wouldn't realise what he was doing.
L27 182    |^The thing about Suggy's pinching was that he didn't seem to
L27 183 mind whether he got caught or not. ^They reckon no one will ever
L27 184 know exactly how much stuff Suggy knocked-off in his time. ^He
L27 185 seemed to have a genius for lifting the kind of stuff you don't
L27 186 miss for a while, and then you wonder just when it went off, and
L27 187 whether someone might have borrowed it *- or what the hell had
L27 188 happened to it.
L27 189    |^It wasn't always like that though. ^For instance there was
L27 190 the time Suggy pinched a whole truckload of Maoris. ^They were on
L27 191 their way from Ruatahuna to Ngaruawahia for a *1tangi, *0with one
L27 192 of their cousins in a coffin under some sacks on the back of the
L27 193 truck.
L27 194 *#